but i kept my swingline stapler

Mitt Romney To Fellow Plutocrats: Tell Peasant Employees They Will Get Fired If They Vote For Obama

Recently, numerous big Republican employers who’ve done incredibly well over the past four years have started to threaten their employees with layoffs if Barack Obama is reelected, because they’d logically give up billions of dollars to spite a black dude. Whether with chain letters, “voter information packets,” or just straight-up office e-mail blasts, conservative employers are all of a sudden super freaked out about the dire consequences of not electing empty shell corporation Mitt Romney.

Why, though? Well, maybe because of how, during a call with the National Federation of Independent Businesses (skip to 26:44), Mittens von Glovenstein asked them to!

Von Glovenstein sez:

I hope you make it very clear to your employees what you believe is in the best interest of your enterprise and therefore their job and their future in the upcoming elections. And whether you agree with me or you agree with President Obama, or whatever your political view, I hope, I hope you pass those along to your employees.

So, now that Mitt has encouraged your employer to mercilessly threaten your job should he not get his way, and employers are following his lead, how will this play out after the election is over if Obama wins?

Will we see an Atlas Shrugged-style escape to the barren wastelands of the American West on a high-speed train? Hahaha, no, this isn’t fiction, we don’t have high speed trains anywhere but in libtard enclaves.

Will Mitt Romney pick up his trap shooting gun and lead an armed revolution against America’s socialized workplaces? Well, maybe, if all the guns these dickbags owned weren’t non-functional collector’s pieces.

Or will these guys do what they’ve done the past few decades, and grouse pointlessly on any network that will have them about how government is destroying their business as their latest insanely high earnings ironically scroll by on the ticker below them? Yes, that. Definitely.

It is theoretically possible that we should be worried about billionaires who have spent their entire lives working to earn as much money as humanly possible in the greatest economy the world has ever known stopping that because of a slight tax hike back to ’90s levels. It is just remarkably, terribly unlikely that they would ever do such a horrifically stupid thing. Plus, if they shut down, America’s employees will remain woefully unterrorized by their employer’s insane, irrational demands, and that would be a national tragedy.

[In These Times]

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  1. no_gravity

    And on the day after the election they get fired anyway just because business owners like firing people.

    1. MegPasadena

      The funny thing is one of the pussies actually wrote an almost identical letter to his employees in '08 and see, he still hasn't gone to retirement yet. The barking dogs don't bite.

  2. Typodong3

    Thnk god its perfectly legal to threaten your employees with termination if they dont vote the way you want t… oh wait….

        1. actor212

          Unfortunately, that doesn't apply in this instance. Chris Hayes did an hour on this very topic on Sunday. You can Google it (for some reason, work has blocked it here..can't imagine why…)

          1. MegPasadena

            I saw that too. I am from a foreign country and sometimes I really don't fully understand this holly 1st amendment.

            PS. In that segment, one of the guests actually felt bad for the coal mine owner that he is so rich and power and yet he still only has one vote! How unfair for him. What is wrong with these people.

    1. Pithaughn

      I'm torn. Certainly don't want to increase my dickish and cretin traits, but I really would like to retire to a sailboat and meet some cinnamon girls.

  3. weejee

    National Federation of Indigent Bidnesses = NFIB = Nat'l Fibbers Inciting Bidness

    They're just like Rmoney – liars, liars, pants on fire.

  4. Dumbedup

    Well, the Kochs et al should be worried too, because if Obama wins, it's fucking french revolution time for their asses. We gonna' be gettin' hiiiiigh, free birth control, gay marryin' eatin' free government cheese and CHOPPING HEADS OFF THESE PLUTOCRAT TRAITORS. They should be uneasy. Very

    1. Pookums

      You know, I kinda secretly sorta hope that it does get that bad and worse so I'll finally have the opportunity to feast on the deliciously marbled flesh of well-fattened plutocrats. Chew thoroughly and slowly, victory and flavor must be savored.

        1. widestanceromance

          They must be soaked in 9 changes of water to remove impurities, otherwise, they are quite toxic. Not surprising.

        2. PugglesRule

          Could just be me, but it's hard to feel sorry for people who have millions (or billions) of dollars and yet feel like THEY are victims.

      1. Pithaughn

        " lunch special : slow braised plutocrat ribs, with a side of fava beans" price fixe, $2.99, a nice dry Chianti is the recommended pairing.

  5. GunToting[Redacted]

    It's amazing (fun fact: it's not actually amazing) how fucking WHINY these entitled fucks are… Did that pizza fucktard make good on his plan to raise the price of his shitty pizzas by $0.19 to make up for the HUGE burden of Obamacare?

    1. LibertyLover

      Considering he's giving away 2 million pizzas, seems like he shouldn't be complaining about not being able to afford Obamacare.

  6. FakaktaSouth

    Good Lord, dude hasn't even won anything and already he's firing people. He really DOES love to do that. He's going to create 12million jobs through vacancies apparently. Don't tell Mitt he doesn't recycle.

  7. LibrarianX

    Details magazine recently featured an interview with singer Brandon Flowers who talked about what nice people Mormons are, but I'm just not feeling it.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I love the Killers and Brandon's got a beautiful voice. Too bad he's a brainwashed little culty guy. Same feeling I get when I find out someone is a Scientologist. Makes me look at them a little sideways…yep, I'm a bigot. Oh well.

      1. prommie

        Fucking Brandon man, he was more agnostic a few years ago, I am gonna assume they got to him somehow, the horse-head in the bed or something.

    2. hagajim

      Mormons are the meanest fuckers to ever walk the planet. Try to live among them and you'll find out quickly what a bunch of nasty ass backstabbers they really are.

        1. hagajim

          Damn straight. Spent most of my youth and early adulthood buried in the heart of Mormonville – all dicks and backstabbing pricks.

    3. LibrarianX

      I live in NW New Mexico – and only an hour's drive from Utah, so the area is TEEMING with LDS. They seem alternately hostile or ridden with anxiety. Twitchiest group I've ever seen.

  8. Incitefully_Joe

    Isn't there a way to embed the video so that it's already queued up to the incriminating remarks, so we don't have to listen to 28 minutes of Romney's stump-speech pablum to a right-wing economic group that is the source of one of those "independant" reports that claims that Romney's tax plan seems legit, in order to get to it?

  9. OneYieldRegular

    I dunno. If I were a CEO concerned about my business, I'd be quite a bit more worried about how my employees might react to the election of a guy intent on taking away every little thing they've gained.

  10. Chow Yun Flat

    "Business owners, you have tightened the screws on workers since 2007 and you plan to continue to do so. However if Africoon Ursurpeer is re-elected you might have to pay one percent more in taxes. So have everyone vote for me."

    I am Mittens and I approve this message.

  11. Oblios_Cap

    Poor Jerb Creators! The regulatory burden won't allow them to pollute the land, foul the water, and otherwise externalize their costs of doing business and pass them on to the consumer that can't afford their shit because they don't want to pay them a decent wage or give them healthcare or safe working conditions.

  12. RomneysLogCabin

    GOP, save your time and just buy my vote–I'm for sale.

    P.S. I have a pre-existing condition: sudden onset neuromotor Tourette syndrome.

  13. magic_titty

    If only our country had what is called a "News Media", where such things as this would be "reported".

    1. freakishlywrong

      But, then the "rubes" would be "informed" and might possibly vote for someone who isn't out to "gut" them.

    2. Chet Kincaid_

      Oh, there will be 4 hours of preaching to the converted about this on MSNBC tonight. It might actually seep out into the dim brains of the electorate, and piss them off.

  14. Biff

    Motherfuckers. When I worked for the People's Republic of California they all cheered when I was furloughed, at a cost to me of about 7% of my salary. Getting them to pay 3% more on the marginal rate is somehow socialism, though.

  15. LibertyLover

    It's so inconvenient to the rich that the general public has the vote in the first place. It would be so much easier if only people that make over $1 million a year could vote. Democracy for the masses is so messy. They have to take the additional step of blackmailing their employees to donating to campaigns they wouldn't normally support.

    Makes me long for the days of the guillotine and eating "cake" in France.

    1. Oblios_Cap

      The French have proven that the entire ruling class can have "unfortunate circumstances" and the country will still survive.

    2. heathenette

      “It’s so inconvenient to the rich that the general public has the vote in the first place. It would be so much easier if only people that make over $1 million a year could vote.”

      Never fear! This is why we still have the electoral college!
      I live in a red state that has already been determined to be “for Mitt”, so any other vote of mine is useless. At least it allows me to vote for a 3rd party. (Green) with out feeling like a traitor, right?

  16. SayItWithWookies

    Two paths lie before our nation's business leaders: in one of the, the economy gets better but they lay off workers and leave orders unfulfilled because they have to pay 3% more in taxes if they make more than a quarter of a million dollars a year. In the other, everyone gets laid off, we go to war with Iran, and destitution and misery follow, but they pay the same in taxes that they did this year. I only hope they choose wisely.

  17. Toomush_Infer

    Is this the original He Man No Gurlz Allowed Club? Isn't Mitt just an Honorary Member? Something about this makes me so growly, like when one of my employers hauled out their IRA guy to lecture us on who to vote for….

    1. Gleem McShineys

      I think you're being unfair.

      He's a highly efficient burnished titanium murder drone with an all-excrement payload

  18. LesBontemps

    I have decided to become a jerb creator and am now looking for a little investment capital for my start-up business manufacturing guillotines. Because it sure looks like the market should pick up mightily.

      1. LesBontemps

        I'm outsourcing those operations to a factory in Malaysia, but I'm thinking of keeping the tar and feathers business here if I can get sufficient tax breaks, environmental regulation exemptions and local government funding.

  19. pinkocommi

    It must be tough for all those CEOs who shipped all their corporation's jobs overseas to pressure their Chinese workers to vote for Romney, but I am sure they'll find a way.

  20. Indiepalin

    Jesus said that the eye of a needle's camel has no fucking chance of getting into the kingdom of Kolob.

  21. BadKitty904

    Didn't we once fight a revolution to avoid being governed by a corrupt, incompetent "leader" who believed he should rule by divine right?

    1. lulzmonger

      Yes indeed … & one of the first Big Ideas those staunch champions of liberty had was to have George Washington coronated as King Of America for life.


  22. Boojum

    There really isn't any question but that this is criminal conduct, for which both Romney and every employer who participated in this call and then made such threats could be charged with conspiracy to commit election fraud in violation of 18 U.S.C. § 371 and 42 U.S.C. § 1973i(b) and (c). This is a conspiracy for the purpose of knowingly and willfully paying and offering to pay voters for voting in the general election to secure the election of preferred candidates for elective office. They could also be charged with aiding and abetting election fraud in violation of 18 U.S.C. § 2 and 42 U.S.C. § 1973i(b) and (c) for paying and offering to pay voters on election day.

    [W]hile a solicitation to enter into an agreement arguably crosses the sometimes hazy line distinguishing conduct from pure speech, such a solicitation, even though it may have an impact in the political arena, remains in essence an invitation to engage in an illegal exchange for private profit, and may properly be prohibited. See Hoffman Estates v. Flipside, Hoffman Estates, Inc., 455 U.S. 489, 496 (1982); Central Hudson Gas & Electric Corp. v. Public Service Comm'n, 447 U.S. 557, 563-564 (1980); Pittsburgh Press Co. v. Human Relations Comm'n, 413 U.S. 376, 388 (1973).

    Brown v. Hartlage, 456 U.S. 45, 102 S. Ct. 1523, 71 L. Ed. 2d 732, 1982 U.S. LEXIS 92, 50 U.S.L.W. 4359 (1982)

    1. LesBontemps

      Yeah, good luck with that law stuff — just remember who wrote the laws. Me, I'm going with guillotines as the appropriate redress.

      1. Boojum

        Yes, some sort of … "prosecutor" will do until we come up with a better word. And a, let's just call it "legal system" with people in charge who are called "moderators"…no, "judges" would be better.

    2. SayItWithWookies

      I think Romney himself skirts any legal issues because he never instructs the other participants to tell their employees who to vote for (though the implication is obvious), only that they should think about how their vote will impact their likely job prospects.

      And the two examples I've seen of business owners issuing statements to their employees also avoided saying who they should vote for — though I think a pretty good case could be made for Obama's re-election creating a better climate for business than a Romney administration would, as standards of living and manufacturing jobs historically do better under Democratic administrations, which means it takes a really short-sighted businessman to root for Mitt.

      1. Boojum

        You know, the law is an ass, but issues of motive and intent are generally left for the jury. I feel quite sure that there is enough here for an indictment and a trial, with the jury to determine if their obvious intent was obvious enough. Pick the right venue, and Tagg can go visit Mittens in the pokey for a long, long time.

    3. lulzmonger

      All that "18 U.S.C. § 371 and 42 U.S.C. § 1973i(b) and (c)" stuff is soooo 20th Century!

      Citizens United = money is speech.
      First Amendment = no law abridging freedom of speech.

      Magog bless the United States Of Clusterfuck!

  23. Lascauxcaveman

    That whole high speed train thing: without ever having actually read her silly book, I'm guessing Ayn Rand was afraid of flying.

    1. widestanceromance

      It was that darn collective flying she did not care for, what with all the other passengers flying on her dime.

  24. pdiddycornchips

    Let the real class war begin. It's on. Fire everyone and run your shitty little companies with prison labor. Just make sure you've got a panic room.

  25. Ducksworthy

    Also please note the 47% video also shows Romney hoping for a Libya like tragedy to exploit and he promises to do so to the fullest extent of his evil powers.

  26. zumpie

    Soooo how are these guys actual successful bidness menz, with so little comprehension of how bidness, um, works?

    1) Like it or not, you need people to run your bidness. It's time consuming and expensive to replace them. Turn over can also piss off your customers.

    2) "The Evil, Kenyan, Muslin Usurper won" isn't considered misconduct on the part of your employees. Enjoy paying all their unemployment. Not to mention fending off lawsuits, etc.

  27. pdiddycornchips

    This video should be the lead story on every news broadcast. It won't be of course. I'm willing to bet we'll hear much more about Michelle clapping than we will about Romney's imperial threats

  28. rickmaci

    On November 7, after BHO is re-elected, they all need to do their descendants a giant favor and beat the coming increase in the estate tax rates by jumping off the edge of the nearest cliff. After all tax planning is for 1%ers.

  29. DahBoner

    I call bullshit.

    Most American companies would collapse if they fired all their liberals.

    After all, who's going to do all the work? Conservatives?


  30. natoslug

    Another fine example of how the LDS concept of "Lying for the Lord" can be extended efficiently into politics. Yay.

  31. Fox n Fiends

    "I urge everyone in my fiefdom to vote for Romney, so that government of the Billionaires, by the Billionaires, and for the Billionaires shall not perish from this earth…."

  32. lulzmonger

    I'm shocked, SHOCKED I SAY, that an autocratic psychopath would engage in such low-down shenannigans!

    Conversely, I suspect there are now more than a few anonymous missives wending their merry way to these Captains Of Industry reminding them of the ongoing existence of "Second Amendment remedies" to any such experiments in junta-style assholery.

  33. ttommyunger

    A dangerous tactic in a Country with the Secret Ballot. I would vote the other way just to rub salt in the boss' ass.

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