She is clapping out 'Whitey' in Morse codeSorry, liberals, you probably thought that Barack Obama won the debate on Tuesday or whatever, BUT: just as sometimes you can retroactively have your Olympic medals taken away for cheating with drugs, or have winning football games turn into losses more than ten years after the fact due to a little child rape, so too can you lose a debate when it turns out that you had a biased accomplice in the crowd clapping for you, like Barack Obama did. How can you trust your assessment of Obama’s victory, now that you know that his wife was influencing your decision-making skills, with her magical clapping?

You will remember all the ludicrous coin-based rules that determined all the weird little details of how the debate would be run. But there was one law that so was iron-clad that no coin toss could overturn it: the “participating debate audience,” which means the people sitting down front that you could see on TV, most of whom made up the pool of potential questioners, were supposed to remain absolutely silent unless called upon. We shan’t have this debate degenerate into vulgar hooting of the sort you’d hear on The Arsenio Hall Show!

Nevertheless, the unwashed masses sitting in the outer darkness clapped and cheered when Candy Crowley semi-corrected Mitt on the whole “did Obama say the word ‘terror’ which is obviously much more important than any actual concrete details about the Benghazi attack” business, because they’re big fans of fact-checking we guess. The participating audience was mostly obedient and silent, though — with the exception of one Michelle Obama, as you can see in the incriminating (and non-embeddable) video grab from Fox News on Real Clear Politics. This is why you thought your Messiah won, libs: you saw that nice lady clap and then, BOOM, your mind instantly filtered out all of Romney’s cogent arguments about whore-moms and their AK-47 toting bastard babies.

Conservatives are predictably super outraged about this, and Politico has collected their rage, if you feel like hate-fapping to it. We will concede that, since Michelle Obama broke the rules by clapping, it would have been only fair if Tagg Romney had been allowed to punch Obama in the face. As it is, Team Romney had to settle for Josh Romney’s unsuccessful attempt to make the President’s head explode with his mind. [RCP]

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  • God, I'm NOT looking forward to the "Michelle is not impressed" meme.

    • Terry

      McKayla rules the Not Impressed meme

      • But you can also spell McKayla "Michaela"!

    • AncienReggie

      I guess everybody but me has seen the Patrick Swayzee "Nobody puts Baby in a binder" meme?

      • In fact, Jennifer Grey re-tweeted it this morning, which I thought was a nice confluence of events.

    • sullivanst

      I'm not sure it'd be so much "Michelle is not impressed" so much as "Michelle is disappointed in you", which is much more withering.

  • This is highly unethical and possibly illegal and so therefore the President should resign immediately

    And this is nothing at all like Trapp or Track or Trick Romney threatening to punch the President out. Those darkies deserve a beating every so often, keep 'em in line

    • freakishlywrong

      He should maybe take all that rage and enlist. Oh, wait, military service is for "you people".

      • But imagine the headlines and honors he'd get, walking around Afghanistan or Iran, punching the enemy in the head

        • sullivanst

          But only after someone else had shot them and peed on them.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        A Romney… take orders….?


        • He'd enlist as a five star general

    • elviouslyqueer

      Tagg, you're it!

      Essentially, his argument is that he showed remarkable restraint by not jumping out of the stands like a Ricki Lake wronged-lover-of-a-transvestite-hooker audience member and taking a swing at the sitting POTUS for calling his congenital liar father a liar. So classy!

      • It's more a Jerry Springer thing, but your point is apt.

    • shelwood46

      I have to admit, I am amazed that it is turning out that the Palins have more class than the Romneys.

      • WhatTheHolyHeck


    • That will happen during the Jerry Springer moderated debate.

  • BadKitty904

    Dang. Grasp at straws much?

    • This is such small beer, they're grasping at swizzle sticks now.

      • Gleem McShineys

        Nanotechnology needs to improve a little bit first, but then, THEY'VE GOT THIS!

  • freakishlywrong

    "You'll get your chance in a moment. I'm still speaking."
    Fuck you.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Impeach, baby, impeach!

    • WinterOuthouse

      Issa just came

      • Terry

        I'd prefer that he went.

        • Lot_49

          You're saying you don't like America's favorite car alarm salesman, arsonist, and military-service prevaricator?

          Me either.

          • MosesInvests

            You forgot car thief.

  • I thought they'd be happy that Michelle gave him the clap.

  • Conservatives are predictably super outraged about this, and Politico has collected their rage

    This is much like butterfly tears or unicorn blood and has magical powers that will be UNLEASHED ON NOV. 6! FEAR IT, LIBS!

  • sudsmckenzie

    Eggs fashion sense is the true crime here.

    • I know, right? *Blue* nails and a pink dress? What is she, a closet democrat? Blue nails? Someone check her ID before she votes!

      • BadKitty904

        Presumably, she just forgot to paint them "human-color"…

      • Gleem McShineys

        It's not nail polish, it's her blue blood showing through.

    • MegPasadena

      That outfit just didn't pass the White House curtain standard.

  • freakishlywrong

    These people are terrifying. And hilarious. Terrlarious.

    • Hilifying?

      No, yours is better. Mine sounds like Hillary Clinton tagging a fence.

      • sullivanst

        "Let's Hilify this biznatch"

        yeah, doesn't come across as intended.

    • CthuNHu


    • Boojum

      And terrlarious describes Mitch McConnell's house, too.

  • Boojum

    It was the hands! The HANDS that clap, clap, clapped ALL NIGHT LONG, like dark thunder, heating my dreams to sweat-filled oceans of TERROR!!!!

    • Manos!

    • BadKitty904

      *Looks at Boojum*

      • Boojum

        I'm sorry. I'm better now. It was just…

        He didn't see the first one, or really hear it so much as feel it. A bass drum, CLAP, as big as the world, cracking his core. He looked up, feeling the sweat spring to his skin, like oil seeping through the cracked machinery of his robotic facade.

        CLAP!! This one, he saw. The wings of a monstrous crow, beating, the tornado of fear rushing through him, the perfect hair like tendrils rising from his body. Fear turned his inner parts to liquid, a fine sympathetic shudder beginning to ripple his skin.

        CLAP! And he knew the end, brought to him on night's hands, as terror stained his pants and shame filled his mouth with the taste, of freedom.

        • DCBloom

          ooh, I'm gonna read that to the kiddies to scare them on Halloween!

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Twice the terror of one hand clapping.

    • UnholyMoses

      Were they clap clap clapping, clapping at your chamber door?

      • eggsacklywright

        They was ravin'.

      • Boojum

        Only this, and nothing more.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr


      • eggsacklywright

        Actually, they're pretty well-off by now.

        • thatsitfortheother1


          • eggsacklywright

            I giggle in your general direction.

  • "it would have been only fair if Tagg Romney had been allowed to punch Obama in the face."

    I really would like to see Tagg try to deck President. Barry would give him the biggest magic undies wedgie ever.

    • Wait now, Tagg is a rather large fellow and seems rather athletic.

      But he probably slaps like a little girl…

      • elviouslyqueer

        Power. Bottom.

        That is all.

    • BadKitty904

      Psht. He'd be too afraid of Michelle.

    • Tio_Doidinho

      Only after the Secret Service converted his face into raw hamburger, however, though, too.

    • eggsacklywright

      Wouldn't he look good in an SS uniform? So dashing, so…Aryan.

      • He could go trick or treating with Glenn Beck on Halloween

        They'd probably want to hold hands, since they're both afraid of the darkies.

    • Blinkthink

      A Secret Service smack down on creepy Tagg would warm my heart. Incredible that Myth grabbed Perry in the primary–showed who he is.

  • BadKitty904

    Aren't these the same people that said, after stealing the 2000 presidential election, "We won. Get over it."?

    • Elections have consequences

    • UnholyMoses

      The deficit doesn't matter.

      The war will pay for itself.

      [Yule Brenner voice] Etc. etc. etc. [/voice]

  • AlterNewt

    I fear for my country.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Rightly so.

  • WinterOuthouse

    Why hasn't she been kept in her fucking binder?

    • RomneysLogCabin

      She's too busy with cooking dinner and the kids to bother with work.

    • Typodong3

      Because Romney only keeps binders of white wimmin.

  • Goonemeritus

    Why oh why didn’t some brave attendees wrestle her to the ground like the heroes of flight 93?

  • no_gravity

    Michelle's clapping was worse than Lincoln being assassinated.

    • PennyDreadful

      It seems entirely plausible that Michelle's clapping actually caused the Lincoln assassination. Retroactively.

  • thatsitfortheother1

    Clap. A subject wingnuts are well versed in.

  • Doktor Zoom

    There's only one appropriate action: Make it harder for black people to vote.

    Oh, OK, and cut taxes for the rich.

    • BadKitty904

      It's…it's so OB-vious…

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      ooh and start a new war somewhere! that too. also.

    • eggsacklywright

      And buy up the companies that run the voting machines.

    • Boojum

      TWO appropriate actions: Make it harder for black people to vote and cut taxes for the rich and reduce regulation.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Tucker Carlson's response-"Two hands clapping; now my hand's fapping." Jennifer Rubinoid will now give us a 5000 word turd salad for breakfast.

    • Lot_49

      You suppose anyone's ever fapped to Jennifer's picture?

      Just seeing her on teevee (they confine her to the weekend-morning nerd ghetto for public safety reasons) produces major soft-offs across the nation.


      • EatsBabyDingos

        Gerk. My testicles have now undescended.

        • Lot_49

          You're welcome!

      • Biff

        Whoa, that's a face made for radio…

      • I see they took a photo of her just after she ate a basket of babbies.

      • elviouslyqueer


        Yep, still gay.

      • Toomush_Infer

        And your little dog, too…..

  • freakishlywrong

    America. The shining light of Democracy around the Globe.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      FUCK YEAH!

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      To quote Kent Brockman, 'I've said it before, and I'll say it again: democracy simply doesn't work.'

    • eggsacklywright

      I still want UN observers to verify the voting.

  • Radiotherapy

    It clearly was an "act of terror."

    • Taken together with what someone pointed out on the liveblog or the FLOTUS Files thread — that Egg's own clothing choice was an act of terrorism — I don't see why we should have to wait any longer for the First Lady candidates' showdown. There's just too much potential moxie + menace we're letting go to waste otherwise.

      • LesBontemps

        Cage match, pay per view.

      • eggsacklywright

        Nouveau riche, ancien salope.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Two days later.

  • HRH_Maddie

    Also, she wore the SAME COLOR as Egg Romney. That's an automatic electoral forfeit.

  • JackDempsey1

    About 42 minutes into the debate, I had the intense urge to eat an apple.
    I suspect that Mrs. O had something to do with that, too.

    • She makes me want to eat something.

      I'm not saying what, except that I like to share.

  • sharethegrief

    Why weren't there unpaid coal miners applauding for Romney?

  • Is Michelle really clapping??? It looks more to me like some sort of secret Kenyan Voodoo symbol, possibly from one of those liberation armies that run around with machetes hacking white farmers to pieces???

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Michelle "Kony" Obama.

    • BadKitty904

      I think she was casting a spell to turn Rmoney into a vapid, venal megalomaniac. Oh, wait…

  • nicnack74

    That's the problem with us uppity negros. We really don't know our place. That will soon change. Once this reelection is over, we will take our rightful place in American domination. In the name of Reparations, we will enslave the White man. We will finally get even.

    For a while, we thought for a while they were closing in on the truth Orly Taitz and Sherriff Joe. So far we've been able to sucessfully "debunk" the claims, and managed to paint them as racist or crazy. But the truth is out there. We've been planning this for more than half a century. When we orchestrated the meeting and mating of Kenyan student to that young girl, we knew what was going to happen. It was all part of the plan. We put the appropriate adminstrations in all of his schools, and we had someone write all of his papers (hat tip to Bill Ayers, you are forever helping the cause). Our plan is almost complete, Michelle Obama almost foiled it with that applause during the debate. All our efforts would have been for naught.

    • Biff

      Normally I would welcome my new negro overlords, but I'm not really well suited for field work. Got anything in milady's chambers?

      • nicnack74

        I know sex traffing is wrong, but a girl can never do without too many sex slaves. Keep it tight and stay pretty.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Don't laugh, my winger friends shared with me an article about the race riots being secretly planned for an Obama loss.

  • carlgt1

    I thought the biggest scandal was the obvious teabagger plant asking about Libya – as if this clown, who prefaced his question with a lame mention of his stupid company for free publicity to his small office supply firm, was an "undecided voter." Although it did lead to Mittens hanging himself out to dry by screeching Obummer didn't say it was an "act of terror" which of course he did….

    • What was the name of that company again?? I need to order a ton of office supplies and want to make sure I don't order it from him.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        The invisible hand of the marketplace at work…

    • that guy.

      i was just listening to the debate on the radio but knew within three words that he was a bagging tool. something about that shaggy frat boy way of speaking.

  • That scowl on Ann Romney's face (the one with Tagg or Track or whatever the fuck his name is) is the face that could launch an aircraft carrier — Into deep space.

  • thatsitfortheother1

    If that photo is from Perez Hilton, it needz moar jizzz.

  • KobayashiMaru

    She should have just jumped up and bellowed "YOU LIE!" Because that's totally cool.

    • BadKitty904

      Oh, God, if only!

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Yes, Mitt Romney shat out of his mouth, and it's MO's fault.

  • UnholyMoses

    You know who else hated the clap?

    No. Wait. What?

    • BadKitty904

      Carrie Nation?

    • LibertyLover

      A one-armed paper hanger?

      • Bob Dole didn't have the clap. Bob Dole used condoms. And Bob Dole used viagra when Bob Dole's little soldier ran out of Bob Dole bullets.

    • Radiotherapy

      All my ex's?

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Idi Amin?

    • Al Capone?

    • DCBloom

      Henry the 8th?

    • The Phantom of the Ummah?

  • sudsmckenzie

    It came from a sassy knoll.

    • kittensdontlie

      Plot Twist:
      I replayed the video, syncing the audio to the video—SHE WAS CLAPPING FOR MITTENS!!

      Therefore, Mittens must quit the race immediately.

  • neiltheblaze

    Just wait till we open the FEMA re-education camps. That'll really mess with their day.

  • freakishlywrong

    They also were not to address any questions directly at one another. So, yeah. I'm "outraged" too.

  • LesBontemps

    History's greatest monster.


  • JustPixelz

    "it would have been only fair if Tagg Romney had been allowed to punch Obama in the face."

    I'll grant that Mister T ultimately restrained himself. But consider his impulse to violence. And also consider that his father — the Mitt — complained about his sons' constant lying* at the last debate. I can only conclude T and the boys were raised by some single-mother-crack-whore-welfare-queen. Or a gay couple.
    * ROMNEY: “Look, I’ve got five boys I’m used to people saying something that’s not always true but just keep repeating it and ultimately hoping I’ll believe it." The apples don't fall far from the tree.

  • Somehow, I think Obama could slip a punch and Tagg the boy in half a second. He studied Ali intensively while getting his American Black Man degree, along with Denzel-Walking.

    • Denzel?

      Not Pryor?

      Thought that's how all the brothers walked…

      • Aw man, you just sent me off on a youtube tangent (looking for Pryor's riff on Billy Dee Williams running cool down the hall shooting in Star Wars) leading to this awesome clip, which I have not seen since I saw it on-air in 1977! I was fucking dumbstruck that I was seeing this on network television, back in the day, and props to Richard for beating "Spinal Tap" by a good 7 years:

        • DCBloom

          Thanks, that was a great blast from the past

    • thatsitfortheother1

      He got high marks in Runnin Up Stairs as well.

  • Video grab

    How in the fuck can they call that "applause"? There's no video of her hands actually coming together, and guess what? No one else around here is applauding either! I can't hear the soundtrack so well, so was there even the sound of one hand clapping?

  • Face it, if Tagg had jumped up and punched "O" in the face and was then shot by the Secret Service, Mitt would probably stand there as the body was dragged off the stage and insist that that the debate go on figuring he would get some sympathy points from the crowd.

    • freakishlywrong

      He would have demanded more time to respond from Can Crow.

    • And recalculate the inheritance rate of his remaining four sons while doing so. Can the guy multi-task or what? Huh? Huh?…

      • Biff

        Oh crap, now I've got the GPS's robotic voice in my head–"recalculating…"

  • LibertyLover

    We shan’t have this debate degenerate into vulgar hooting of the sort you’d hear on The Arsenio Hall Show!

    Or yelling for some motherf***ing iced tea, either.

  • I bet Rev. Wright, radical and well-known clapping expert, is behind this!

  • JustPixelz

    Not for nuthin, but the debate rules Romney agreed to said the candidates couldn't question each other. I'm just going to assume there is also outrage in wing-world about R-bot's flagrant flaunting of that rule.

    (He wanted to be like Dirty Harry: "I know what you're thinking. Did you issue five drilling permits or six? To be honest, I lost count. So, do you fell lucky punk?" But it came off as rude or demented.

  • Oblios_Cap

    So this makes up for Willard's use of forbidden notes in the first go-round?

  • Yep, sorry folks. I listen to talk radio quite a bit, just to keep my outrage flame from puttering out, and according to most everyone you hear on them, Romney clearly won this debate because, you know, he's white. A-and here's proof that Obama had a plant in the audience, not a potted plant, but a lovely wife.

  • smashedinhat

    Clap on. Clap off.

    • eggsacklywright

      It's a variation on keyboard cat.

  • LibertyLover

    Please don't link to Josh Romney's "Damien" face again. I beg you.

    • BadKitty904

      At least wait 'til Halloween…

  • JustPixelz

    She's not clapping. She's self-terrorist-fist-bumping. Which is not against the rules. (I checked.)

  • hate-fapping

    Wait'll Michelle does something really brazen, like load up Jill B's pickup for tailgating at the races again. Maybe she should go full rogue and suggest hanging ornaments on the White House tree that read "Happy Holiday" sans baby Jeebus*? Sorry just got to thinking what these pathetic cretins do to get worked into a hate-fapping session


  • fawkedifiknow

    When the candidates wives came on stage after the debate, they had a shot of Ann Romney's face. She looked like someone had just taken her fancy prancing horse to the glue factory.

    • "Candidate Wives." You realize, of course, that this will inevitably become a reality show on some network?

      • Gleem McShineys

        "Candidate Wives" is also the title on a binder on Mitt's granddad's shelf.

    • Blinkthink

      Ann thinks she could do better-she has said as much.

  • not that Dewey

    "LET HIM DIE!"

  • LibertyLover

    How do we know that Michelle wasn't listening and clapping to a podcast on her Obamaphone instead of listening to the debate?

  • Schmegeg

    The painful thing is this kind of nonsense might actually influence one adult person in this country.

  • BadKitty904

    Faux News = faux outrage?

  • Tagg Romney had been allowed to punch Obama in the face

    May all the Rmoneys enjoy the mostest special gift of the season – the traditional Halloween Flaming Bag of Poo on their doorstep.

  • JustPixelz

    HEY! This is a made up issue by the wing nuts! (But what isn't?) Here's the actual rule:

    The rule: Article 9, Section A, Subsection 7: "All members of the debate audience will be instructed by the moderator before the debate goes on the air and by the moderator after the debate goes on the air not to applaud, speak, or otherwise participate in the debate by any means other than by silent observation, except as provided by the agreed upon rules of the October 16 town hall debate."

    The rule is only that the audience be so instructed. I heard Candy Crowley do that (check the transcript).

  • Not_So_Much

    The worst part of the Politico story is that Greta Van Susussternenerrn is the sane person in the whole thing.

  • prommie

    I saw that movie about Josh, The Men Who Stare At Goats. Funny, even if it was direct to video. The book was better though.

  • LibertyLover

    Conservatives are predictably super outraged about this, and Politico has collected their rage…

    That reminds me of a lesser known hit of the late Jim Croce:

    "If I could save hate in a bottle,
    The first thing that I'd like to do,
    Is to save every rage and create a News Station
    That will exploit it again and again."

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Are we sure she's not throwing gang signs?

  • Clearly this whole thing was a setup to make Mitt look horrible, thoughtless and stupid, otherwise Michelle wouldn't have known when to clap. Because Mitt played into their hands the entire debate.

  • DahBoner

    Josh Romney

    Hey! Shit happens.

  • RomneysLogCabin

    Rules be damned–we all know she was praying to Allah.

  • RomneysLogCabin

    Romney and Egg are protected by the SS as well. Anyone know what the SS protocol would have been if it got a little too Jan Brewer?

    Can a robot be tazed?

  • el_donaldo

    Josh Romney is a scanner!!!! AAgghhhhh!!!!!!

    It makes about as much sense as calling Michelle a cheater.

  • rickmaci

    Would you care for a little white whine with that plate of racist rant?

  • ChrisM2011

    Bravo to conservatives for being such sticklers for the rules. I look forward to the many Republican investigations that will dig deeper into this.

  • Barrelhse

    This is getting good now.

  • HistoriCat

    We shan’t have this debate degenerate into vulgar hooting of the sort you’d hear on The Arsenio Hall Show!

    I see that we're going for a full week of 90s nostalgia …

  • Gleem McShineys

    Oh man, are there any people in the medical field out there in Wonkville? Someone with some knowledge can probably answer this.

    Did they receive second or third-degree butthurt injuries that night?

    • Blinkthink

      3rd degree, didja see Myth's face-bad burn.

  • AutomaticPilot

    Funniest alt-text I've ever seen, HANDS DOWN!

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Hey, Tagg. You want some of this? Your dad is a liar. Yes, a liar liar liar. Not only that, he's a fucking liar.

  • Schmegeg

    Hey Tagg – go ahead and rush Obama Monday night. That would be the best debate ever, seeing your ass squashed by some expert SS agents.

    And, were you named by Sarah Palin??

  • TribecaMike

    By snarkily asking the president questions, Romney broke the rules of the debate (no questions by the candidate allowed) and should have been thrown out on his sow's ear.

  • ttommyunger

    Tagg, seeing this egregious breach of Debate Rules, had to be physically restrained by brothers Toad, Twat, Tweedle and Twerp. Tagg later admitted he would have so punched her out if he hadn't been held back.

  • Blinkthink

    Tomorrow: the rematch! Will the First Lady repeat her dastardly behavior? Will heads on the Right explode from outrage?

    I predict Romney will have that silver foot in his mouth again.

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