When CEO Citigroup Vikram Pandit quit yesterday after five years of service, the talking heads on the TeeVee were left to wonder what had happened. It’s quite a “headscratcher,” said the Yahoo finance team! Also, he kind of sucked!. Did he quit because they figured out he sucked, perhaps? (And to be fair, it appears that he did kind of suck.) Or maybe, as Economic Times suggests, it’s because he was asked to “get more involved?” No, of course not, it is because of none of those things. He quit, says Maria Bartiromo, because the Obama administration was mean to him and he just couldn’t take it anymore.

Maria Bartiromo starts out by pointing out the fact that the board has hired a new CEO that will basically be investing in “emerging markets” (read: India and China because the U.S. is possibly going to be in the shitter for another couple decades at least) before suggesting that maybe he just wasn’t paid enough (which, by the way, did not seem to be only a dollar as he claims, given that he was paid $165,000,000 for his hedge fund when he took the job as CEO (a hedge fund they promptly shut down) in addition to his regular pay and stock options and whatnot). But isn’t the REAL issue here his hurt feelings? Her analysis is that it’s about compensation, and also, the fact that he got “bashed and bashed and bashed” by the President and by the hippie commie liberal scum in Occupy Wall Street, and said to himself that it wasn’t worth the “dollar” he was being compensated in exchange for his work. ONCE AGAIN, however, we will point out that the company has lost 90% of its value since he took over in 2007 so even if he DID get a dollar in addition to all of his other executive compensation, maybe it was just desserts. Or maybe not, because of his hurt feelings. Also, we can’t wait to see what Erin Burnett has to say about this.


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  • OzoneTom

    Scratch one more Job Creator.

  • Quitters never win unless they lose a few billion dollars and make everyone know their company as "Shitty Bank."

  • MistaEko

    I heard he was quitting to focus more on his own brand of Yoga.

    • Negropolis

      Well, I heard he was quitting to spend more time with his money.

  • memzilla

    Mittens has a new staffer!

  • pdiddycornchips

    That fucking whore knows better than most, he was forced out because the bank wants to chop up the unwieldy behemoth and sell off the pieces. Citi trades far below it's book value. The rest of the banks will soon follow suit IMO. It has ZERO to do with Barry but GE uses CNBC the way Murdoch uses Fox. They never pass up the opportunity to shill for Republicans/rich assholes.

    • Lot_49

      But you'd still hit that, right?

      Or maybe not, after you learn that Ms Bartiromo trademarked the expression "money honey."

      • pdiddycornchips

        I don't really find her all that attractive. I go for the circus freaks

        • Lot_49

          Even though they may be prosthetic, her DSLs have a certain appeal.

      • OzoneTom

        Well I'd stand in for anyone who didn't want their turn. It would be important to keep her mouth occupied though since I would not want to hear her voice or opinions. She just has a little Claudine Longet thing going there.

      • Crank_Tango

        I thought it was "cent cunt" or maybe even "buck bitch."

        But yes, I would still hit that.

      • Negropolis

        Are you serious? She trademarked it?

      • mille derps
    • Native_of_SL_UT

      This your new Right wing. A bunch of rich fuckers paying another bunch of rich fuckers to convince the middle class that all their problems stem from poor people and that all the other rich fuckers are the ones being repressed and disadvantaged.

      • PuckStopsHere

        I agree with every word of this save one: "new".

        • LesBontemps


      • And what a bunch of pussies. WHAAAA someone said I have to do my jerb so fuck it, I'm going to take my fucking platinum parachute and bail. Just like all those douchebags that are going to fire all of their employees if Barry wins again because they might have to pay a pittance of extra tax even though their incomes will be even more egregiously high. Whine-tit little babies.

  • BadKitty904

    These dividend-fattened hyenas need to understand they can either pretend to be tough, practical bidness-men OR pretend to be wronged, oppressed victims. But NOT both.

    It's just too embarrassing…

    • Radiotherapy

      I've said it before and I'll say it again: bully, victim, bully, victim, bully…. seamlessly.

    • sullivanst

      It's just too embarassing…

      Assumes facts not in evidence, namely the ability to feel embarassment.

      • BadKitty904

        I meant for "us," not "them"…

  • BlueStateLibel

    And the first of the rats desert the ship, who would've thought.

    • e_z

      John Gault! John Gault! John Gault!

  • YouBetcha

    I'm having a very difficult time mustering up any sympathy for this guy. Maybe a few hundred dollar bills and an opportunity to beat him with my shoe would do the trick.

    • Negropolis

      But, you'd totally hit that, right?

      You're slipping.

  • Obama, shh! Money Pig is talking.

  • mbobier

    Man! The more money people have, the more thin-skinned they get, it would appear. Sounds as if ol' Vikram is pretty much a living, breathing Visible Man model:

    I used to have a Visible Man model when I was a kid, and greatly enjoyed removing his little plastic innards and them replacing them. Rather than whining about how mean Bamz was to him, these upperclass twits had better hope the 47 percenters don't develop a similar curiosity about Mr. and Mrs. Vikram's entrails.

    • Biff

      I had the Visible Woman, because tits.

    • FeloniousMonk

      Right now, the Visible Man is on sale, but the Visible Woman is out of stock. Possibly "because tits". Skilcraft need a better proof reader for their website, which says both models require "Pain brushes".

      • mbobier

        HAR! Pain brushes is truly excellent! Perhaps somebody had been after Josh Romney with one of those at the second debate.

    • LesBontemps

      I understand that if we run out of rope, we can still hang bankers from lamp posts with their own intestines.

  • Money Honey Badger does care.

  • WhatTheHeck

    I haven’t a clue why bankers are so reviled. They are just like you and me.

  • Makes sense. After all we did invade Iraq because the terrorists were from Saudi Arabia

  • Maria Bartiromo runs one of the classiest Houses Of Executive Entertainment on Cable TV. A C-suite gentleman can have his way with her opinions, and she will even render a lovely serenade like this from atop the piano before "adjusting his microphone."

    • are you suggesting the money honey earns whore diamonds?

    • BlueStateLibel

      I got to see her up close and ply her interview, or rather suck-up, skills and was not impressed.

      • PuckStopsHere

        Well played, sir. And a "chicka bow-wow" to you.

  • Poindexter718

    Vikram was probably being harassed by OWSers when he took the subway into work every morning.

    • miss_grundy

      Take the subway??? Even if he only lived a block away, I'm sure he would take a limo to work. These people can't inhabit a subway car, they might get a case of the cooties.

      • sullivanst

        Bloomberg libel!

        Harold Ford non-libel!

      • Poindexter718

        But, as Newton Gingrich explained, the elites always ride the subway.
        I'm pretty sure I saw Lloyd Blankfein on the uptown 6 local the other day. He was sitting next to a tubercular homeless guy who had just shat himself.

    • Nostrildamus

      Vikram would only take the subway if it was away from everyone else.

      • sullivanst

        He might consider having everyone else locked out of the subway so he could take it alone.

  • nounverb911

    Does Pandit get to keep his seats at Citi Field to watch the Mets lose?

    • sullivanst

      He'll be providing them a service by making the stadium look fuller.

      Hey, they should pay me to go to games for the same reason. I don't even mind watching them lose. Much ;)

      • LesBontemps

        Aren't we done watching the Mets lose for this year? Or do they suck so much that they continue to lose through the off season?

        • sullivanst

          Well, the true masochists pay attention to how we don't manage to improve the team over the winter, but yeah, the actual on-field losing is mercifully over for now.

  • memzilla

    Mustering up any sympathy for a Butthurt Indian who has more money than…. let's see… 3200 average workers put together? Oh yes, this is truly worthy of my time and attention.

  • el_donaldo

    They can give me the $165,000,000. I promise that no one after that will be able to make me care about what anybody says, or does, or anything.

  • ttommyunger

    Thank Dog for brave upstanding women like Maria to come out of the Binder long enough to defend these poor, downtrodden Captain's of Industry.

    • Crank_Tango

      The 1% is a minority too, my friend.

      • ttommyunger

        And oh so needful of a competent defender; esp one with tits.

    • Negropolis

      Well played, good sir; well played.

      Binder Full of Women FTW.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      If it's a three-ring binder I wonder where her holes were punched.

      • ttommyunger

        Bowling Ball grip, thumb in one, two fingers in the other. Third hole optional.

  • apparently corporations ARE people too.

    coddled, over-compensated, whiney people.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Hooo boy, it's gonna really cost 'em now, to find a suitable replacement for such an expert, qualified and dynamic financial leader. How will they ever replace this indispensable man?

    • bikerlaureate

      We can never really understand their plight, since we're so damn stupid about muneez and big bidness that we don't even know how lucky we were to have Pandit on the case.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      They are searching the back alleys of Mumbai as we speak.

    • sullivanst

      For the right price, I'll work for them. I promise to reduce their stock price by at least 90%, so I'm at least as qualified as him…

  • Texan_Bulldog

    "Also, we can’t wait to see what Erin Burnett has to say about this."

    Since Erin Burnett is engaged to a Citigroup executive, I'm sure she's pretty butthurt about all this, too.

    If Erin & Maria looked like Honey Boo Boo's mother, they'd be waiting tables at the Cracker Barrel.

    • Nah, they'd be tables at the CRACKER Barrel.

      • tessiee

        Maybe they'd be crackers at the Table Barrel?

    • fishwharf

      Thanks for reminding me. Honey Boo Boo is on tonight.

    • Negropolis

      Mamma June libel!

      • sullivanst

        Human Thumb libel! (Yes I watch The Soup.)

  • I'm sorry, which percent were the ones that considered themselves "victims" and would not "take responsibility for their actions"?

    • Biff

      Victims and Vikrams are now interchangeable. Carry on.

  • Awww, poor Vikram Pandit — he's so sensitive that getting over $20 million in salary and living in an airtight bubble where he doesn't even have to hear criticism can't protect him from it. These CEOs with their need to be constantly nurtured and reassured and not face any uncertainty at all sure are a bunch of delicate flowers. It makes me weep for the poor motherfuckers, all of 'em.

    • sullivanst

      I'm sure Jamie Dimon will be offering him a shoulder to cry on. Oh wait no, that's a $5,000 suit, get the fuck away from me with those tears you pussy.

  • Radiotherapy

    I think we have gotten to the root of the problem with this country.

  • Arkoday

    Maria who? Sounds Brazilian to me.

    kkkkkkkkk! (jk)

  • sullivanst

    That $1 bullshit is some pretty nauseating shillery.

    Even last year, when Pandit raked in $1.67 million in base salary, it was still less than one quarter of his total compensation. In the course of reducing the gross market capitalization of Citigroup by somewhere close to one trillion dollars, he raked in a total haul of $260 million.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Wow. That makes such perfect sense. I need to buy some of their stock!!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      $260 mil on a trillion-dollar deal? That's an incredibly low commission. No wonder he quit.

  • An_Outhouse

    'Move Your Money' was successful! You go, Arianna.

  • Biff

    OT, but I just got a call from Americans For P. At first I thought it was someone from Intense Debate, calling to reinstate all my P lost during Fistalnacht. Then I thought a second, and realized it was just those rascally koch brothers, using the abbreviation to disguise their last name of Prosperity. Ha. Ha.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      May the fistings be appropriate.

    • Negropolis

      Was it automated? If not, I hope you gave them the appropriate what-for. These guys are the worst.

      • Biff

        OMG, when my caller ID showed it as AFP, I ignored it. Didn't even leave me a message.

    • Callyson

      Americans for Pissing Away Prosperity make phone calls now?

      Aw, and since I don't live in a swing state, I'll never get a call and have fun fucking with them…

      • Do you think they check credit ratings before they call? If so, I won't have to worry.

        • Callyson

          LOL…though, since they are after votes not contributions, they might not care about your FICO score…

  • JustPixelz

    When you quit, don't burn your bridges. Blaming Obama leaves the door open for Pandit to do some consulting with Citibank. If the consulting doesn't materialize, you can retroactively tell Maria how you really quit because they tried to take your red stapler.

  • mavenmaven

    So does him being out of a job worsen the unemployment statistics?

    • No doubt. Surely a one-percenter counts for more than a mere 99-percenter.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Yay! Maybe my few miserable shares of Citigroup will no longer be worthless.

  • Indian Cuisine has not yet had the taste slapped out of its mouth by the American Franchise System; perhaps he could open a chain called "Pandit Express." Surely this would be more honorable than the underworld of Wall Street Finance.

    • Chichikovovich

      He could put the name to better use if he put together a movie review show called "Lovitz and Pandit", with Jon Lovitz, to fill the slot of the sadly departed Siskel + Ebert. Instead of "thumbs up" the gimmick line could be that whenever they both hate a movie they could say "Did we Lovitz?" "No, we Pandit!"

      • bobbert

        Two fists up!

      • AddHomonym

        On the old Carson show, Johnny would have said, "That was a long way to go for that joke."


      • Jus_Wonderin

        Oh Chich, that's great!

  • mosjef

    Vikram Pandit is an anagram for Vapid Rat Mink.

  • If he had only been a little meaner maybe he would have jumped off the Citigroup Building and saved us a lot of money.

  • PsycWench

    Where do I sign up to be paid one of these special dollars?

  • bikerlaureate

    Yes, it's all the fault of the President and those smelly hippies…

    Within minutes of the bank's announcement, Pandit's name was gone from Citigroup's website. Chief Operating Officer John Havens, a long-time associate of Pandit, also resigned.

    Pandit's sudden resignation is the culmination of months of disagreement with the board, in particular O'Neill, over strategy.

    …Citigroup shares rose as much as 1.5 percent in morning trading as some investors said they were not sorry to see Pandit leave.

    …The board's relationship with Pandit was already under pressure after shareholders rejected the CEO's pay package in an advisory vote in April. He was awarded more than $15 million in 2011 compensation, but 55 percent of shareholders voted against it.

    All hail the jerb creators.

  • pinkocommi

    It is so hard to be a CEO, what with the multi-million dollar golden parachutes and all. I feel sorry for the guy having to figure out how to spend his millions. Must be rough.

  • glasspusher

    China, man, is not the issue.

  • glasspusher

    I gotta switch banks…

  • cheetojeebus


  • docterry6973

    Who knew that Captains of Industry were such crybabies? One would have thought that destroying 90% of the value of the company would be reason enough to'resign', without the golden parachute.

    • Just imagine if a chef poisoned 99% of his customers or a doctor killed 99% of his patients, or 99% of Toyotas were recalled.

  • Vikram Pandit was overpaid at $1.00 per year.

  • Not_So_Much

    You can't get this kind of objective, insightful analysis just anywhere.

  • LibrarianX

    Note to POTUS: need more mean

  • BrownC123

    Maria Bartiromo is an absolute moron. Honest to God. Does anybody remember the day, I think it might have been in 2005, when she said on live TV (and I paraphrase here, because I don't remember the exact quote): auto sales are down, home sales are down, and retail is down, but the economy is fine. (So, let's see — nobody's buying anything, but everything's just fine? That was the day when I decided to pay off my debts as soon as I could because I figured a crash was coming soon. And SHE'S the trained economist?)

  • Negropolis

    Obama Was Too Mean To Citigroup CEO Vikram Pandit And So He Quit

    Let us be honest, considering the other option (i.e. hanging the fuckers from lamp posts and nationalizing their banks), I think Obama was inappropriately too kind.

    Vicki's lucky he's not in prison or physically a part of the streetscrape of Lower Manhattan.

  • I'm glad Joey Ramone isn't around to see Maria doing this.

  • iTuna


    I just wanted to share this. A friend of mine posted it on Facebook today, and it's beautiful.

    I'm afraid I have little use for politicians, though it makes for compelling reality television. "I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." So raise my taxes, or lower them, or keep them steady. Move in the Mexicans and let my Gay folks get married; or don't. Cut my funding and my salary. Raise the interest on my student loans. Remind me that I'm poor, and Black, and that I play my music too loud. Call me Muslim or not enough Christian. Take from me, again and again and again. No worries, Hakuna Matata. I will smile at your sneer; see your hate and raise you a Love, because if your faith is in man's goodwill towards you, I'm afraid you've long lost the lesson. The lesson is to give and give and give. I hope to die without a dollar for all of my giving, but I will not be poor. I Love my life. I Love my wife. I Love my family. I Love my friends. I Love being me. I Love to struggle and fight and trust God and then doubt Him and trust Him again. I Love to read books I've bought secondhand with sweet messages written to and from people I'll never know on the inside cover. I Love things that don't cost much like potato chips and tap water and jigsaw puzzles. Success makes me nervous and weak. Money makes me lazy and indulgent. My life is my work; my gift. My life is my relationships; my Love trembling as I practice it. I've been rich a long time and didn't know it. So good luck realizing your dreams this election. I'm already living mine.

    • Wonderful. Thank you.

    • Negropolis

      He's a better man than I, or at least has achieved a level of the most sublime delusionment. I wish I could disassociated myself to such a degree, you know, the people that go live in caves off the grid. I don't know, I just see far too many real victims of bad American policy (both at home and abroad) to pretend not to feel the pain of others, and sometimes, the policies actually hit very close to home or in my home. I mean, I get what he's saying. You know the whole "be the change you want to see in the world," and more people do need to find a level of personal peace regardless of circumstance, but we live in a very real and unforgiving world that requires a bit more attachment than that of the life of a monk for the vast majority of humanity.

      • sullivanst

        Yeah, right now I find it quite hard to ignore just how dependent my family is on the mortgage interest and college tuition deductions, and how Mitt hasn't exactly promised not to go after those, and it's certainly impossible for his math to work without slashing them.

    • It's kind of pablum for the blissfully uninvolved, but thanks.

      • iTuna

        Yeah, I just wish I could find that sort of peace.

        • … I'd say you're doing ok so far with emulating it.

          Taken in the spirit of his message, not to imitate the actions per se. Renouncing the fruits of corruption or gainfulness for its own sake, the greed and the insatiety. Enough of his message resonates w/ me to be grateful I'm reading something a little different here than usual.

          Success makes me nervous and weak

          Check SayItWithWookies' profile blurb sometime, y'all. Lots of ways to draw meaning from it without literalizing or pounding it home at face value alone.

          If my comment seems 100% snark-free, it is.

    • I dunno … there's way too much genuine horror and injustice in the world for me to ignore. Unending exasperation and a bleeding ulcer are my signs of life. The laughs I get here are my hope that the end of the American Dream is not as near as it often seems … but I wouldn't bet my miniscule retirement fund on it.

  • Callyson

    Speaking of things that suck…when it comes to covering actual business news CNBC sucks ass compared to Bloomberg news.

    If it weren't for Suze Orman, Gail Voz Oxley's shows, and the occasional American Greed, I would have no occasion to ever tune that channel in…

    • yeah but (left-y, ira glass-y) planet money rocks everyone's world and routinely scores bigger stories than all of them combined.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        planet money is great.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Vikram Pandtittybaby

  • GeneralLerong

    I'm going to die unhappy, because I won't be able to die happily until these banks get nationalized and all upper level management get sent to trailer camps alongside fields of cactus that need picking.

    Or maybe we can cut a deal with Putin to send him some more bricklayers for Siberian winter construction projects.

  • TribecaMike

    So that's who's been panhandling on my block all day.

  • OT and I see someone already put this on Wonkville, but you gotta love when the Romneys try to be tough guys:

    I get he was speaking in jest, but it's still such stupid bullshit macho posturing. Also, instead of wanting to take a swing at the prez, why not tell us why he is wrong and Mittens is not lying about anything? Oh right, because that would be hard.

    • BadKitty904

      Psht. Malia OR Sasha could kick that cupcake's ass…

      • Can you imagine if, say, Michelle O's brother had said it? Dude is a 6'6 black man, former D-1 college basketball player who was actually drafted into the NBA (though he never played) who now coaches the Oregon State men's team. The outrage from Drudge, Tucker, Hannity et al. would be loud enough to blow the earth out of orbit..

        • BadKitty904

          It'd be the standard-issue Republican hypocrisy…

    • tessiee

      Is this the Romney egg with the serial killer eyes?

      • No, that was Josh. This is Tagg. Tough to keep track, I know.

      • BadKitty904

        No, that was Josh, I think – The Romney with the Normal Name and the Crazy Eyes. *This* one's Poot or Sack or some damn thing…

    • glamourdammerung

      This is the same coward that whined about how he was doing more to help the wars and "support the troops" by helping daddy's election campaign (in 2008). He could have easily left and enlisted after the Republicans realized John McCain and Sarah Palin were more competent than his daddy.

    • sullivanst

      I know the whole thing about how violence is the resort of losers of debates is so cliche, but sometimes things become cliched because they're true.

    • poorgradstudent

      And of course they fail at even the masculine posturing and bullying. "Yeah, I totally would have smacked him if I totally wouldn't have been beaten up by the Secret Service, but I bet I totally would have been able to take them too, brah."

  • Also, is it my browser or is the layout on this page fucked up?

    • bobbert


    • Biff


    • Jus_Wonderin


  • BarackMyWorld

    $1? He should be glad his compensation wasn't a swift, hard kick in the balls.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Awwwww. Hurt pussy is pussyhurt.


    <The country needs more blow-job creators</i>. The Kock Brothers.

  • FeloniousMonk

    Clyde McPhatter LIBEL!

    • p to the max.

    • sullivanst

      While Pandit deserves to end up a drifter, I suspect he'll do just fine with his couple of hundred million for a while yet.

  • I'll fuck up the banking industry for half the amount he got.

    It's a win-win.

  • Detesticle

    OT- Another creepy video starring the voice of Mr. Glengarry Glen Ross hair gel …

    "Audio Reveals Mitt Romney is Behind Employer Layoff Threats if Obama Wins"

    At the 26 minute, 35 second mark in the video:

    • Funny, none of the small business owners I know are billionaires.

  • Pat_Pending

    Sheez. Give a guy a minor headflick and it's like Barry puts his nuts in a vise. Whiny bully babies…

  • Freewayblogger

    I think he called his accountant and then said "Holy Shit! I've got 250 million dollars… what the fuck am I doing here?" and left.

  • lulzmonger

    WOW! I never heard of a Jellyfish Baby surviving past infancy before!
    Someone should call Ripley's Believe It Or Not!

    Oh wait.
    It's just another anally inflamed fuckwit suffering from Hugbox Deficit Disorder.
    My bad.

  • Beowoof

    If he quit because Obama was mean to him, then all I can say is what Giant Pussy. And Maria "Money Hunny" Bartiromo has been known to be in tight with these guys, getting rides on the corporate jets etc., ah Maria's shenanigans

  • Beowoof

    Oh oh we seem to now have pre approval required.

  • ElPinche

    Maria Bartiromo's is just pissed because she'll miss those sweet envelopes filled with money Citigroup leaves on the dresser.

    • Negropolis

      One day she's going to be hired by Charlie Sheen if she's not careful.

      "Put the hooker in the closet."

  • Very funny Money Honey.

  • Negropolis

    Maria is the Money Honey Badger. She doesn't give a shit of anything she says is true.

  • rickmaci

    Maria Bartiromo needs to look for some new line of work. The Street walker thing is starting to turn her into a cynical angry witch.

  • GeneralTapioca

    She's just pissed she didn't get another ride on Citi's private jet. She was busted flying, and sleeping, with another Citi exec years back.

    She likes to keep her sources very close apparently. Nothing like objective journalism.

  • CindynEncinitas

    I guess that guy is some sort of chick magnet. I wonder if its his dashing good looks, or the regal aplomb with which he dashes the hopes of millions of common homeowners on the rocks of his island castle where he entertains all the Money Honeys.

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