barf

We Are Sure Mitt Romney’s Lady-Binders Are Nothing Like Outlaw Mormon Sect ‘Joy Books,’ Because That Would Be Gross

happy happy joy barf
We are sure we will eventually get around to the many, many, many fumbles and bizarrities of Ol’ Miffed Romney’s trip to Knockout Town last night, maybe, if anyone shows up to work today, but of course all any of you want to know about is the BINDERS. (Unless you are Tucker Carlson or Mickey Kaus, and then you want to know why stupid Candy Crowley thinks “act of terror” and “terrorist act” are the same thing, stupid Candy Crowley.) The women! They are IN THE BINDERS! Will no one free them from their three-ring Trapper Keeper hells?!

You doubtless already know since it’s gotten like 125,723 million visits already, but our Boston buddy David S. Bernstein (who was not the Boston buddy we dropped the acid with) has thoroughly debunked Sad Miffed’s attempt to paint himself as Square-Jawed Romance Novel Hero Miffed, Good and Noble Hirer of Ladies For Jobs With Flex-Time and Stuff. It is sad, his credit-taking attempts, though really much less of a revisionist history than claiming he was bipartisan in Mass because he had to work with a Democratic legislature (who overrode his 800 vetoes 707 times, not kidding), and so much less of a blatant lie as most words that ooze from his mouthhole.

Here, let us steal much of Bernstein’s post, we are sure he doesn’t mind:

And I — and I went to my staff, and I said, “How come all the people for these jobs are — are all men.” They said, “Well, these are the people that have the qualifications.” And I said, “Well, gosh, can’t we — can’t we find some — some women that are also qualified?”

And — and so we — we took a concerted effort to go out and find women who had backgrounds that could be qualified to become members of our cabinet.

I went to a number of women’s groups and said, “Can you help us find folks,” and they brought us whole binders full of women.

I was proud of the fact that after I staffed my Cabinet and my senior staff, that the University of New York in Albany did a survey of all 50 states, and concluded that mine had more women in senior leadership positions than any other state in America.

Now one of the reasons I was able to get so many good women to be part of that team was because of our recruiting effort.

Not a true story.

What actually happened was that in 2002 — prior to the election, not even knowing yet whether it would be a Republican or Democratic administration — a bipartisan group of women in Massachusetts formed MassGAP to address the problem of few women in senior leadership positions in state government. There were more than 40 organizations involved with the Massachusetts Women’s Political Caucus (also bipartisan) as the lead sponsor.

They did the research and put together the binder full of women qualified for all the different cabinet positions, agency heads, and authorities and commissions. They presented this binder to Governor Romney when he was elected.

So yeah, Romney didn’t actually care probably, and wasn’t that much of a romance novel hero really (except for that time he heroically helped another rich dude tie up his yacht), and somehow hadn’t been concerned by the missing vag all those years he was ruining running all those companies.

So yeah we got all the way to the end of this post without actually talking about the “Joy Books” in the title, because “Joy Books” make us feel sad and gross. And it’s not like Mitt Romney ever availed himself of “joy” — he is married to Egg Romney, for pete’s sake!

[Photo from Jezebel / Phoenix]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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241 comments

    1. UnholyMoses

      "50 Shades of Gray" is for people who know nothing at all about S&M but want to feel as though they do.

      Not that I know about it, but … um … a friend does … so …

      1. tessiee

        The fact that Mittens and Bat Boy have even one person who wants to vote for them meets my requirement for Sadism *and* Masochism, thank you.

  1. Oblios_Cap

    I don't think that Willard is capable of telling the truth.

    I do want to know more about the Joy Books, though.

      1. SorosBot

        And considering that you somehow managed to force yourself through the entire Twilight series, you know bad Mormon literature.

        1. MissTaken

          I learned about Joy Books thanks to Big Love. Sears catalog for old men to pick out their next wife from the crop of pubescent girls. Creepy and disgusting.

          1. SorosBot

            Urgh; what the fuck is that? I haven't heard of Joy Books before and now am kind of scared to google it. But I am already creeped out.

          2. MissTaken

            Yes. They have been 'rumored' for years about the FLDS sects, but became public when used as evidence against Warren Jeffs. Sick fucking shit.
            http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2006/nov/21/gende

            At the age of 14 her name was added by her father to the "joy book", a list allegedly collated by Jeffs of young girls whose parents believed they were ready to be put out to marriage, often with a husband who already had one or several other wives.

      2. kissawookiee

        I keep telling myself that those backs-of-the-knees pictures are simply for the purposes of monitoring ACL health for aspiring basketball players. And it keeps not working.

      1. Mumbletypeg

        Balloon Boy wept.

        Y'all don't think I'm serious. Romney should work this into his campaign, stat. It has way more cadence when using it thusly: "This is a job for… Mi-lo Mind-her-Bind-her!"

  2. OzoneTom

    Plus, the number of women in high positions of the Rmoney administration actually decreased relative to the previous — and those who were appointed were to posts that the Governor felt were unimportant.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        No – he absolutely really said that. He played a triple misogynist score in that one answer – 1) there were no qualified women that could be identified without affirmative action on his part (poor little dears), 2) you have to be flexible when working with women because they can't work until 7 or 8 because they need to get home to 3) cook dinner and spend time with their families. Poor little dears, they can't get a good job without the help of a man, and their little hearts make them actually care about their kids and spouses. I swear I was waiting for a menstruation joke in there, and he probably says it behind closed doors.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          Yeah, the sheer tone-deafness of that answer really dropped my jaw. And this is after preparing for this debate all weekend.

        2. Incitefully_Joe

          Honestly, leving aside the underlying condesension and misogyny for a second, I just thought it was astounding that he was talking up Affirmative Action and Flextime as Brilliant New Innovations To Deal With This Problem of Women In The Workforce, which nobody had ever heard of before.

          You know, just in case you were worried it was only Romney's Foreign Policy positions that were stuck in the early 1980's.

        3. UW8316154

          Oh you know he does! But it wouldn't be a joke, it would be in low, serious, hushed tones "and you know, during that time of the month, they can't work and certainly their *hormones* are out of kilter. It's best for everyone if they stay home."

        4. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

          Mittens: "And then, you know, once a month they can't work for 3 days. So there's that. Aheh heh heh.."

  3. RedneckMuslin

    He got his binders mixed up. He looked thru his Russian mail order bride binders for qualified ladies.

  4. ChrisM2011

    Off topic: Anyone see Romney's son in the audience with his killer cyborg stare? He looked like he was scanning the room for Sarah Conners…

  5. FakaktaSouth

    Now not only did he not give a dick about hiring women, he was taking credit for a JOB a group of women actually DID? I'm not shocked, but good Christ. I want crash and burn. I want it now.

    1. ttommyunger

      Patience, my dear; Monday Night is just around the corner. Mittens will be wrung out and hung up to dry, I have no doubt.

  6. Cleopatriot

    Last night the POTUS seemed to understand that he was debating someone who was unbound by mere truth.

    1. Ducksworthy

      This has been a difficult but critical perception for the Preznit to acheive. Democrats often are put a disadvantage when they fail to accept that they are dealing with knaves, fools and traitors.

    2. bikerlaureate

      Doing or saying anything to win requires a few (hundred) facts to be violated.

      "Respectable" people who support him are turning a blind eye to his dishonesty because they want to turn a blind eye.
      Ain't that Amercia?

    3. tessiee

      I have too many favorite moments to list, but I did enjoy:

      "Please continue, Governor"

      with that icy glare.

        1. Nothingisamiss

          O/T. You were right about me freaking out too early last night. If I wasn't hung over I'd find the orginal comment and respond to you there. I seem to be a little high strung. Comes from living in the south as a demoncrat.

    4. walterhwhite

      And by the way, one of the rules of the debate, agreed to by both candidates, was that the candidates would not confront each other directly. That lasted about 10 seconds in Mitt's case. Romney/Ryan: "Rules are for the 47%."

  7. Pragmatist2

    And, even with all this help, he only had 25% women in his cabinet. He could have done better picking names at random from the phone book. Would have saved on binders.

    1. SorosBot

      And the number of women was less than the previous administration. He also lead Massachusetts to being #47 in job growth, yet bragged about creating jobs as governor last night. It's almost like he's a congenital liar or something…

      1. pepperpat

        Was that before or after he kept trying to butt in with "Government doesn't create jobs! Government doesn't create jobs!" while Obama was speaking? I got distracted by Bill Maher's Facebook updates.

  8. Joshua Norton

    Nice try Mittens. Yeah, funny thing about actively working against female empowerment and labeling all who do feminists, lesbians, and communists. Turns out, you end up ceding all the heroes to the other side when your side loses the culture battle like the chumps you are.

    Want some female role models for conservatism? You’ll have to actually allow a woman to succeed and be praise-worthy and do something that inspires young women to achieve, and yeah, no, Sarah Palin so doesn’t count.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Hell, I thought they had something to do with cooking. Now at least I know why I keep getting all these burns everywhere. Trying to bake while bound is a bitch.

  9. johnnyzhivago

    The even better remark I thought I heard was:

    "I'm going to create so many jobs that employers will EVEN HAVE TO HIRE WOMEN TO FILL THEM".

    I assume this is building Liberty Ships to recreate the 1922 Navy Fleet???

    1. MissTaken

      That's exactly how I heard that fucking shit.

      Hey Mitt! I'm a woman with a binder full of educational and professional achievements, yet I still only make about 80% of my male counterparts who have much smaller binders that are not as neatly organized. Fuck you.

      1. bikerlaureate

        Well, obviously the demand for jobs isn't high enough, and tax cuts will fix that so you're more attractive to employers and they have to pay you more.

        Ow, I just pulled a muscle in my brain…

    2. calliecallie

      He actually said that? I am appalled, and simultaneously glad. Keep up the good work, Brownie, I mean Mitt.

    3. Nothingisamiss

      I do wonder if this remark will get any play. I yelled when I heard that. "Wtf did he just say?"

  10. MissTaken

    And with this binder full of women he still had settle for a woman who needed to go home by 5 to cook dinner for her family. Poor Mitt!

    1. bikerlaureate

      Apparently his expectations for his "Chief of Staff" weren't very similar to those required of Leo McGarry or C.J. Craig.

  11. Hera Sent Me

    Just like Paul Ryan stole Kurt Cobain's story about seeing his unborn child in an ultrasound, seeing she looked like a bean, and naming her Frances BEAN.

    The problem is these guys don't really have normal feelings, like believing it's immoral to deny women equal rights, so they have to look around for other people who do to imitate.

    There's a word for people who don't have normal feelings and so have to fake them in order to work their way into positions they can then exploit. It rhymes with "osteopath".

  12. ahnc

    Mitt has binders of women, dog on the roof, Big Bird in the oven and yes, he should be president — president of Etch-a-Sketch, perhaps.

  13. BadKitty904

    I've sometimes wondered what heterosexual men do in their spare time. Now that I've seen that pic – dang…just dang…

  14. Goonemeritus

    His comment was judged partially true because there were women living in Massachusetts during his administration.

  15. edgydrifter

    Shorter Mitt on gender pay equality: "In my economic plan, employers will be so desperate for workers they'll even hire women!"

    Doesn't answer the question and manages to be be insulting at the same time. FTW!

      1. bikerlaureate

        Forty-something percent of the likely voters don't need details yet. They trust Mistuh Romney to do the right thing by them, and besides he was trying to be warmer and more empathetic last night.

        He'll tell us "you people" what he chooses to tell us – after the election. Stop being such an elitist poindexter.

    1. tessiee

      "In my economic plan, employers will be so desperate for workers they'll even hire women!"

      "No, that's not what I meant. What I meant was, women are illegal immigrants! No, wait… that's not right, either…"

  16. prommie

    Rebecca thank God I have been waiting all morning, unfairly maligning every post simply because I could not wait for you to commence your debate takeway snark, and YES, the Mittens and his binder story, my God this man is clearly not connected with reality. I mean I don't think he knows he is lying, I think he truly does perceive the world in his own especial way; his own especially narcissistic way. I read The Psychopath Test last year, the book which tells of the author's project to go around giving a psychological evaluation test designed to tell whether someone has psychopathic tendencies to various corporate bigfucks. The premise of course being that to succeed like a Mitt Romney you actually do have to be a John Wayne Gacy level psychopath, and it turns out its fucking true. Fucking Mittens even looks like Ted Bundy, same smile for sure, same glib charm. I am sure in his mind, this fuck really thinks he did make an effort to promote women on principle, and not for political expediency, too. Because he is fucking INSANE, criminally insane. At the very least, History's Greatest Asshole, anyway.

    1. proudgrampa

      "my God this man is clearly not connected with reality"

      Lying liars lie.

      Again, it's the Mormon psychology: these are (supposedly) contemporary people who believe in "golden tablets," "magic underwear," "oracles from hats."

    2. pdiddycornchips

      "The premise of course being that to succeed like a Mitt Romney you actually do have to be a John Wayne Gacy level psychopath, and it turns out its fucking true"

      Mitt was born rich. Not only that, but between his father's connections and the connections he made to other sons of privilege at boarding school and college, it's really no surprise at all that he was able to raise money and start an investment fund. He made some good investments but let's not pretend that makes him visionary. He has taken advantage of the advantages given to him at birth. That's all.

      As for his policies, there are none really. He simply says what he thinks the audience in front of him wants to hear. Running for Mass Governor, he was pro choice and anti coal. Running for President as a Republican, he is the polar opposite of those two positions. He dismisses 47% of the country one day and the next he's for 100% of us. Logic dictates that we judge these flip flops for what they would appear to be. Naked attempts at fooling enough morons into voting for him. The question is, will it work. Are there enough morons out there who will be swayed by transparent bullshit. It's not an easy call. Hopefully he'll come up a little short but we all know there are enough idiots to make it a close race.

      1. tessiee

        "between his father's connections and the connections he made to other sons of privilege at boarding school and college, it's really no surprise at all that he was able to raise money and start an investment fund. He made some good investments but let's not pretend that makes him visionary."

        There's a minor character in one of my favorite books, Marjorie Morningstar, who couldn't get any of his business ventures off the ground, and explains it by saying, "Executed on the scale of thousands, they would have made millions. Executed on the scale of hundreds, they lost the hundreds."

        1. Chet Kincaid_

          My goodness, I can't remember if I actually read that one — I think I may have, in the dim, teenage mists of the '70s when I read Wouk's WWII books and The Caine Mutiny for sure. Wonkette is just a nostalgia-fest lately.

          1. tessiee

            I discovered that book as a teenager, and now I re-read it just about every year — not because it's great literature, but because it (along with Catcher in the Rye) is a nostalgic reminder of my teenage years in the NYC area.

          2. Chet Kincaid_

            One of the books that resonated with me in my '20s/the '80s was "!Click Song" by John A. Williams. He was a great novelist who seems to have been forgotten these days, even among the black literati. That novel had a lot of bitter things to say about becoming a black writer in the '40s-'80s, which influenced me as a then-aspiring poet. He also accurately predicted how publishing was going to become an author-demeaning, computer-driven financial business in the '80s and beyond. And the love story in it influenced me to the degree that all of my serious relationships have been with at-least-half-Jewish women. EDIT: More precisely, at-least-half-Jewish women writers.
            https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/john-a

      2. CindynEncinitas

        I don't think he even has to work that hard. All he has to do for a lot of folks is stand there and be what they're used to seeing in the "White" House.

        1. Nothingisamiss

          13 weeks. Can you believe it? I took a travel assignment to Berekley,my spiritual home. I've been in the closet as a dem for so long it's like being at Fire Island.

  17. cheetojeebus

    Joy Books?! WTF Umm You know, My fellow man…I think we're through. I tried but I'm just not all that into you.
    Sorry. also I can't really say it's not you. 'cause honestly. It is.

    1. ChapterUndVerse

      Wouldn't it be easier for Mittens to put three rings on it?

      Hmm. Well, maybe not. I'd have to ask Egg.

  18. SorosBot

    But Egg Romney said "I love you WOMEN!" at the RNC, therefore Mitt is really a feminist, just like Palin was really a feminist because she had a vagina.

  19. magic_titty

    I'm not getting any joy from those beastly calves pictured there. And I don't think a photo album should look like a collection of serial killer mementos. But I'm not Mormon so this could just be a cultural difference.

    1. tessiee

      Be nice, now.
      If YOU had to walk everywhere you went because YOU weren't allowed to drive, you'd have brawny leg muscles, too.

  20. Incitefully_Joe

    So the thing about the women binders thing that stuck with me isn't the fact that he was lying (and he totally was), and it wasn't even how awkward and meme-worthy "binders of women" is, which it totally is.

    The thing is, even taking Romney's bald-faced lies on face value: Romney just recounted a story where he, as governor, noticed that there were too few women under consideration for a job, and so looked for some sort of action that could be taken on an affirmative basis, to bolster the number of qualified applicants within a particular manifestly disadvantaged group.

    If only there were a word for that sort of hiring policy.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      I keep waiting (in vain) for a wingnut to call him out on this. I'm guessing I'll have to wait until after the election.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Are you thinking along the same lines as his notion that people should Plan their Parenthood?

  21. hagajim

    So he was talking about binders of the three-ring type? I was thinking something with feet…I has a sad.

  22. T3rbo

    Wow, what a total surprise. Romney told a folksy lie in order to score political points! Republicans try to disenfranchise voters of color! Next thing you are going to tell me is that Romney's tax plan is total bullshit and that neither Rush Limbaugh nor Glenn Beck are credentialed historians??!!?? My world is collapsing…

  23. VeraSevera

    Three holes no waiting…did I get it right? I'm new to the heterosexual male imaginary so help me Wonkettes…

  24. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I'm imagining a good Mormon man flipping through that binder until he stops in his tracks.
    "The backs of those knees! Those calves! I must have this fine piece of female flesh as part of my celestial family!"
    That is some kind of fucked up super-kink right there.

  25. owhatever

    All the Mittbot had to say was, "I support equal pay for women." Instead he rambles off to talk about binders full of women, which are available at Staples, which he created from corn startch and Elmer's glue.

    1. Negropolis

      They look first for sturdy, child-bearing hips. Muscular calves are just the cherry on top, or bottom, in this case.

  26. tessiee

    "And — and so we — we took a concerted effort to go out and find women who had backgrounds that could be qualified to become members of our cabinet.
    I went to a number of women’s groups and said, “Can you help us find folks,” "

    This sounds very much like affirmative action to me.

  27. pdiddycornchips

    The binder thing is funny but I haven't heard anything from the mouth breathers about Mitt's "coal kills people" problem.

  28. tessiee

    Somewhat OT, but puzzling:

    My Cousin Baboom and his mother, Aunt Floozy, sent me a message on assbook saying, "ROMNEY WON THE DEBATE!!! CLICK LIKE IF YOU THINK ROMNEY WON THE DEBATE!"

    Seriously? Aside from wondering why they would think I can stand Mittens… How can anyone, even his fans, have watched that train wreck and conclude that their boy "won"?

    1. gullywompr

      DId you see Frank Luntze's focus group of "undecideds" on Fox last night? They were unanimously in the tank for Romney, enthusiastically so, declaring him the clear winner of the debate. I can decide if it's willful delusion, or just the most transparent lying ever.

    1. bikerlaureate

      I almost hate it when you're optimistic, and subsequent events are coming that will crush your enthusiasm like an… Egg.

    1. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      My guess is he used to dance around w/ a life-sized cutout singing "Condi Condi Condi" to the tune of "Quando quando quando".

      Oh I made myself ill. Oops.

  29. Weenus299

    Going through life with binders on, it's tough, too, see. I had to get up get out of Mass. and go look for me.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Fat Tony doesn't need any help getting to grumpy. I'm going for apoplectic, followed by massive coronary.

      1. HistoriCat

        As an adherent to Commenting Rules for Radicals, I wouldn't wish harmon anyone … but Tony would probably benefit from retiring. Hedeserves a nice quiet looong retirement, watching his replacementreverse everything he worked for.

  30. My_pal_HAL

    It's like bad undergrad prose. "We took an effort… (made an effort?)…to find women who had backgrounds that could be qualified…(women are qualified? backgrounds are qualified? qualified as what?)…binders full of women." (Literally?) I give it an F.

  31. ttommyunger

    Muscular calves, peasant stock ankles, just the right sort for inclusion into the sister-wife lifestyle. A man can find sex anywhere, but when it comes to women, we must think about the children. This is the Mormon Male Mindset in a nutshell.

  32. Negropolis

    Y know, if this election hinges on giving women jobs, perhaps they should have nominated Herman Cain, instead. I mean, they want jobs, don't they…?

  33. Negropolis

    "Lady Binders" is the name of the band I'm managing at the moment. I'm looking to wrangle Ladysmith Black Mombinders, too.

  34. CessnaDriver

    I joined a Mormon dating site for a short while, just for giggles.

    I got out immediately-I got hundreds of responses from young Mormon women with scads of children and husbands who had either suicided or disappeared.

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