FLOTUS FILES  11:09 am October 17, 2012

The Inevitable ‘Who Wore It Best?’ Michelle Obama vs. Ann Romney Smackdown

by Blair Burke

That's MRS. Flotus to you...Before going into too much detail, the answer is Michelle Obama. Always. Unless of course the question is, “Who ate the rest of my french fries?” (The answer to that question used to be The Snowbilly, but now who knows?!) If you watched last night’s debate long enough to see the spouses emerge from the dark tunnels under America’s “undecided” voters, you may have noticed that OMG LADIES WEARING THE SAME COLOR OUTFIT!!! This is what happens when you are trapped in Mitt Romney’s lady-binders, we guess? Or it was a dumb breast cancer thing. (Women’s vote! Ladies just love their pink ribbons and October breast cancer-themed Lifetime movie marathons.) Let us explore!

After Barry O. and Mittens wrapped up their debate/staring contest last night, their wives appeared, both in hot pink.

Hot pink, or Schiaparelli pink as you fashion hounds might call it, was apparently the color of the night.

For her hubby’s big night, Michelle was wearing a hot pink dress with a coordinating jacket. (We’re thinking it might be Preen, like FLOTUS’ last debate outfit, but we’re just spitballing here.) It wasn’t too surprising to see Mrs O. in pink — the color worked wonders for her at the Democratic Nation Convention and she’s sported the plenty of times before.

But Ann must have also had the same idea, wearing a short-sleeve dress in a nearly identical shade of Pepto pink. Ann’s textured dress was a new one for her, by far the brightest thing we’ve ever seen her in (save for that bird shirt). She upped the vibrancy with an aqua statement necklace, plus a blush-colored brocade jacket seen before the debate began.

Hey there, librul media bias! Of course Michelle is in “hot” pink and Egg gets the Pepto Bismol comparison. Accurate, but still. Of course, this is the least of Egg’s worries:

Also an unfortunate feature of Ann’s outfit: visible panty lines. Several Twitter followers suggested she get a pair of Spanx for next week’s debate…

Aaaaaaaand we have a winner. Automatic FLOTUS win due to VPL. [HuffPo]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 114 comments }

LibertyLover October 17, 2012 at 11:12 am

Ann Romney was in the audience. You could see Egg in Obama's final statement about the 47% and did she look p-o'd.

Michelle was offstage. But she wore it better.

GregComlish October 17, 2012 at 11:13 am

Magic Mormon VPL??? Pix or GTFO!!!

eggsacklywright October 17, 2012 at 11:19 am

Mein Gott, please no.

freakishlywrong October 17, 2012 at 11:13 am

She deserves VPL and a fucking wedgie after her husband talked to the POTUS as though he were trying to bus his table; "You'll get your chance in a moment. I'm still speaking."

PugglesRule October 17, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I'm surprised Mittens didn't throw a shoe at Barry Bamz.

nounverb911 October 17, 2012 at 11:13 am

Who was Lindsey Graham wearing?

eggsacklywright October 17, 2012 at 11:20 am

Rodarte?

actor212 October 17, 2012 at 11:27 am

Rod Art?

widestanceromance October 17, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Oscar de LaRent-A-Boy. Always.

gullywompr October 17, 2012 at 11:13 am

It's all pink on the outside.

bearperney October 17, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Win!

weejee October 17, 2012 at 11:14 am

Likely Riff-Raff is to blame, trying to honor his sister Magenta.

belmontreport October 17, 2012 at 11:14 am

Were they magic panty lines?

OzoneTom October 17, 2012 at 11:14 am

At least the FLOTUS wasn't trying to show Egg up by displaying her great guns.

actor212 October 17, 2012 at 11:14 am

Hot pink always goes better with black than it does with white. Always. Just ask anyone who ate out a box of Good 'n Plenty

eggsacklywright October 17, 2012 at 11:23 am

Pink and black together was so 80's.

Isyaignert October 17, 2012 at 11:52 am

I luv G 'n' P – We used them as party favors for our wedding because what could be better than Good and Plenty of it?

Also, too, the aroma of G 'n' P is known to very arousing to the females of our species. I have been known to give a big jar of them as a bridal shower gift.

sudsmckenzie October 17, 2012 at 11:15 am

I will need side boob shots to make my final determination.

eggsacklywright October 17, 2012 at 11:22 am

And wodka shots also.

SoBeach October 17, 2012 at 11:15 am

America needs to know who was wearing the bigger flag pin, not trivial, inane crap about dresses.

LibertyLover October 17, 2012 at 11:18 am

Good point. Why does Mitt's have a bullet in his?

actor212 October 17, 2012 at 11:16 am

Marcus Bachmann

freakishlywrong October 17, 2012 at 11:17 am

For people concerned about the "women's vote" the ridiculous "media" spends an inordinate amount of time critiquing what the wimmen folk are wearing and who won the 'effing "cookie bake off". Sheeeesh!

elviouslyqueer October 17, 2012 at 11:17 am

Speaking as Wonkette's resident fashion-conscious fag, I can confidently say that Michelle wins this round. Egg looks washed-out in hot pink, and JESUS CHRIST THAT HUGE ROLEX ON HER WRIST can be seen from Neptune. Also, the turquoise necklace is so hippiechick early-1970s. Tsk, Ann. Just, tsk.

gullywompr October 17, 2012 at 11:20 am

Are you available for consultation?

weejee October 17, 2012 at 11:23 am

And Egg arrived on stage much too early, like she had to rescue Willard. Our beloved FLOTUS was precisely fashionably late, knowing Bamz had clearly won.

BadKitty904 October 17, 2012 at 12:03 pm

I'm glad one of us does. I wouldn't know fashion if it strutted down the catwalk and tripped me.

valgal2342 October 17, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Ann's hair is mousey too. But she's got that titty out there while she & Mitt kiss like third graders.

actor212 October 17, 2012 at 11:17 am

Excuse me, but how can magical panties leave visible panty lines?

HullLLLLLLLLLO! They're mag-ical!

Serolf_Divad October 17, 2012 at 11:23 am

The magic part is that she's actually wearing a thong, but the magical panties make it look like she's wearing a granny girdle.

Eeeeewwwww… there's your "thanks for ruining my lunch" comment of the day.

actor212 October 17, 2012 at 11:28 am

I have an hour to forget you said that.

YouFail4eva October 17, 2012 at 11:31 am

Uh, just because they are magic, why wouldn't they leave VPL?

Boom!

actor212 October 17, 2012 at 11:32 am

Invisibility cloak!

eggsacklywright October 17, 2012 at 12:49 pm

The Kardassians are about to attack. I would never want to see one uncloak.

no_gravity October 17, 2012 at 11:17 am

VPL – that's why wearers of magic undies need to confine themselves to wearing prairie dresses.

FakaktaSouth October 17, 2012 at 11:17 am

Automatic FLOTUS win because she is beautiful, and Ann just sucks more due to VCP, Visible Cuntitude in Panties.

Seriously though, I'm thinking the same people who hate Mitt enough to let him go on stage last night with nothing more than "I run businesses" (into the ground) and OLYMPICS (balanced with govt money) also thought it was HILARIOUS that Ann was gonna get blasted for granny panties today.

prommie October 17, 2012 at 11:24 am

I swear to God I do believe that his campaign people are spitting in his soup every fucking day, hawking huge globs right in there and serving it to him steaming hot! With maybe some jizz cause why the fuck not!

Mittens Howell, III October 17, 2012 at 12:43 pm

That's because Mitt insists on calling everyone 'Jeeves'.

Lot_49 October 17, 2012 at 11:47 am

You people will quit talking about Ann like that after Mitt's elected.

memzilla October 17, 2012 at 11:18 am

Egg: "Criticize the dress I wore to see my husband get a beatdown? Stop it. Just stop it. THIS IS HARD."

eggsacklywright October 17, 2012 at 11:18 am

I used to like the VPL in the olden days. On the young'uns.

actor212 October 17, 2012 at 11:27 am

One bad thing about thongs: it's harder to see

Jimmyone October 17, 2012 at 11:43 am

Give me camel toe or gtfo…and side boob too, also.

actor212 October 17, 2012 at 11:18 am

I liked how Michelle made BO kiss her on the cheek. I think she was afraid if their lips touched, she would have legitimately raped him on stage.

vulpes82 October 17, 2012 at 11:18 am

History's greatest monster!

Goonemeritus October 17, 2012 at 11:19 am

Leave Egg’s alone you’re lucky she even takes the time to condescend to you people!

SayItWithWookies October 17, 2012 at 11:19 am

I think Ann looked just fine — for a shrill, rich, overprivileged bitchy grandmother.

Michelle, on the other hand, always looks awesome. It's just unfair to compare them.

PugglesRule October 17, 2012 at 1:16 pm

STOP IT. THIS IS HARD. Do you know how difficult it is to compete with that woman who sleeps where Miffed and Egg should be sleeping?

SorosBot October 17, 2012 at 11:19 am

Oh god I did not want to have to think about Egg's panties; thanks a lot internet, now I'm all nauseous.

memzilla October 17, 2012 at 11:23 am

Then stay out of their stores; Eggs Panties, now open in the Stamford Mall and the Galleria at Boca Raton.

ManchuCandidate October 17, 2012 at 11:19 am

Egg: Petty In Pink

actor212 October 17, 2012 at 11:21 am

WIN!

BadKitty904 October 17, 2012 at 11:48 am

Sincerely brilliant…

MosesInvests October 17, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Isn't she?

coolhandnuke October 17, 2012 at 11:20 am

After Mitt's performance, Ann's panties were all caught in a bind(er)

Terry October 17, 2012 at 11:21 am

Say, those sleeves on Ann Romney's dress are fairly short and the neckline is sort of low cut. How on Earth can she be wearing her magic underwear under that dress? Is Ann being immodest?

Advn2rgirl October 17, 2012 at 5:06 pm

The magic underwear ("garments") my girlfriend showed me actually looks like a camisole and tap pants. Underarmour?

memzilla October 17, 2012 at 11:21 am

VPL = Visible Plutocrat Lines.

prommie October 17, 2012 at 11:22 am

The Jezebelification of Wonkette continues apace. Damn this place was more masculine under the reign of the redheaded real wonkette her own self, with assfucking, too.

FakaktaSouth October 17, 2012 at 11:27 am

Hey now, you wanna fight over things like how talking about panties is not masculine enough? (You do not.) And I like this one, it's funny, AND made all the more so because a "rotting fish" commercial just blasted through my computer speakers whilst reading. Ann's giant panties, and rotting fish, what the hell are you bitching about?

prommie October 17, 2012 at 11:30 am

I don't know. Posts like this one just make me miss Princess Sparkle Pony. This place needs more ghey, thats the problem! Maybe prancy little Diamond David Lee Roth could become a guest-blogger! That would raise the flamboyancy level to 11!

actor212 October 17, 2012 at 11:50 am

DUDE! PANTIES¹! STFU!

¹OK, Mormon magic panties, but still…

Mumbletypeg October 17, 2012 at 11:56 am

Obama PantiesPajamas, for your consideration.

Mumbletypeg October 17, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Well don't blame Blair. She's been covering the FLOTUS beat since cro[mulent]-magnon days of beardeds and gingers who hired her. I consider her an old timer and like Benincasa, a skilled writer with the subject matter when the opportunity presents itself.
If evidence that lack of frequency of Benincasa (til recently, but who knows if she'll maintain or occupy 'regular contributor' status?) or Burke posts in recent months does not persuade you, I'll just speak for myself when I get to hear either of their voices I am pretty much never disappointed.

deanbooth October 17, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Blair is a woman?!!

Mumbletypeg October 17, 2012 at 11:22 am

Ann’s textured dress was a new one for her, by far the brightest thing we’ve ever seen her in

You didn't build that, Ann. Indeed: on you, it looked borrowed.

LibertyLover October 17, 2012 at 11:24 am

It's easier to bind all the women if they are wearing the same color.

actor212 October 17, 2012 at 11:24 am

That's nothing: check out what Egg wore to Live With Kelly and Michael

Whoa. Fashion FAIL!

elviouslyqueer October 17, 2012 at 11:30 am

MY EYES!

actor212 October 17, 2012 at 11:34 am

You were warned, lib.

elviouslyqueer October 17, 2012 at 11:43 am

I've seen shower curtains in the Dollar Tree that were less tacky than that getup.

UnholyMoses October 17, 2012 at 11:32 am

It's like my grandmother's couch just barfed all over her.

prommie October 17, 2012 at 11:37 am

I don't think I have ever heard or seen the words "mormon" and "fashion" adjacent to each other ever. Speaking of Fakakta's youthful flirtation with DonnieandMarieism, the Marie Osmand wardrobe is coming screamingly back to mind and damn, just fucking damn, thats some shit there.

actor212 October 17, 2012 at 11:42 am

Yes, but that was the 70s, so excusable.

FakaktaSouth October 17, 2012 at 11:43 am

Hey hey hey easy now, I said that you know, in a quiet room, don't be all spreading that shit everywhere. And are you talking about cowgirl fringe? that's what I think of when I think young Marie. Cowgirl fringe. And now with Old Marie it's plastic surgery and running away when she had her 400th child, but mostly still in fringe.

elviouslyqueer October 17, 2012 at 11:51 am

Only now she's having to wear the entire cow. Bless her heart.

actor212 October 17, 2012 at 12:06 pm

And from the inside out!

prommie October 17, 2012 at 11:59 am

When I think of cowgirl fringe I think of Jack White's retarded first wife.

FakaktaSouth October 17, 2012 at 12:01 pm

GAAAASP! AND NOW WE ARE IN A FIGHT! CHET!!!!!!!!! Prommie's being mean to Meg again!!!!

SayItWithWookies October 17, 2012 at 11:53 am

Holy mackerel — that's a Mrs. Roper dress. I'd forgotten about that fashion era. As had fashion.

SorosBot October 17, 2012 at 11:57 am

The 70s; when people wore clothes that only someone high on cocaine could think looked good.

MosesInvests October 17, 2012 at 12:06 pm

OMG, I'm one of the more fashion-ignorant straight guys here, and even I looked at that and thought, "Oh, girlfriend…."

Biel_ze_Bubba October 19, 2012 at 1:58 am

Yow, my eyes! How long do the batteries last in that thing?

UnholyMoses October 17, 2012 at 11:31 am

That's great and all, but can they cook in those dresses?

UnholyMoses October 17, 2012 at 11:35 am

As a straight guy whose clothes are pretty much all shades of brown, green, and blue, I find this thread oddly easy to masturbate to.

I'm Mitt Romney*, and I approve the incoherent connection between those two statements.

(* Not really.)

DCBloom October 17, 2012 at 11:46 am

My first thought was who would wear a green necklace with a pink dress? Ann can not compete with our lovely FLOTUS

prommie October 17, 2012 at 11:54 am

I just found out what that insufferable marieantoinette-ish cunt Egg is planning for her "cause,' in the event God steps in and miracles Willard into the oval office, and all I have to say is I hope that cunt gets penis cancer!

DCBloom October 17, 2012 at 11:55 am

It gets worse. Remember Michelle's blue nails? Yeah, Ann wore a similar color last night. Pink dress, green necklace, and blue nails……. http://news.yahoo.com/photos/fashion-face-off-mic

Dr_Zoidberg October 17, 2012 at 11:55 am

Now, our FLOTUS could wear a paper bag and pipe cleaners and still look adorable, but personally I hate pink. Bleh.

el_donaldo October 17, 2012 at 11:58 am

Speaking of our home grown Eva Peron and french fries, perhaps we should be sending her some, or maybe a cookie bouquet?

johnnyzhivago October 17, 2012 at 11:58 am

You laugh, but my mother only voted for Obama last time because of Michelle's clothes.

The last discussion I had with her on politics was around Christmas when she said she felt that Obama had too many black people at the Christmas tree lighting ceremony. So I said, you mean like Al Roker?

Hammiepants October 17, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Since when is Al Roker black?

BadKitty904 October 17, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Al Roker is black?

actor212 October 17, 2012 at 12:00 pm

"It puts the binder on its skin"

Pat_Pending October 17, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Pepto Dismal.

Poindexter718 October 17, 2012 at 12:01 pm

I'm more interested in the body language in those two pictures: Bams looks like he's cold cooing some Barry White shit in FLOTUS's ear about what he's gonna do when they get back to the White Hizzie, while Mittens looks like he's kissing his sister.

mbatch October 17, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Why does Ann Romney always look like she just had her wisdom teeth extracted?

ElPinche October 17, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Ann's hair…good god, it looked like molten gold spewing out her skull. With that alone, Ann is disqualified .

James Michael Curley October 17, 2012 at 12:15 pm

The commercial response to VPL was the major cause of PTSD (Pantyhose Termination Shock Disorientation) in returning Vietnam vets. You came home knowing nothing about them and got that nice young thing ready to take that long walk from the front porch to your front seat and you start moving up her leg and, "Wtf? WTF is that!" Thanks Dow Chemical for another toxic shock to the system.

Ducksworthy October 17, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Note to those not anthropologically inclined: When a Mormon Lady wears pink it is and indication that ovulating and should be mounted forthwith.

alvinnewman October 17, 2012 at 12:30 pm

I imagine the photo captions went something like this:

Michelle – "oooooooooh baby"
Egg – "you had better win this f@@cker, mister"

VeraSevera October 17, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Stop it! If you think it's so easy running for First Lady when your panty lines are showing then you try it!

P.S. Vera's wardrobe does not yet include Spanx but she's googling now….

VeraSevera October 17, 2012 at 12:42 pm

P.S. Pics of the panty lines please…I always thought Egg was a thong kinda girl…

Mittens Howell, III October 17, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I can see Mitts VPL's (visible party lies) from here.

owhatever October 17, 2012 at 12:49 pm

It's the only pink Mitt ever gonna get from Egg when he loses the election.

calliecallie October 17, 2012 at 12:53 pm

I think Egg's dress would have looked better with a simple Republican string of pearls. You know she has them.

An_Outhouse October 17, 2012 at 12:56 pm

The dress color was part of the agreed upon debate rules. Michelle cheated by breaking out a big 'O' face when greeting her husband at the conclusion of the event.

An_Outhouse October 17, 2012 at 1:11 pm

You know who else was as frigid as a Welsh witch?

MinAgain October 17, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Michelle Obama is a beautiful, fit woman with a great smile. She could have poured Pepto-Bismol over her head, and she'd still win.

Aridzona October 17, 2012 at 2:13 pm

VPL? Shame on you for staring at Ann Romney's flaccid ass.

babsinbuffalo October 17, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Ann looks binder-ready. But, (please refer to article above) that one son — Josh you say? — looks TERRIFYING even without fancy Wonkette photo trickery.

ttommyunger October 17, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Michelle or Ann……Steak and Mushrooms or Frozen Dog Turd? Decisions, decisions…

DahBoner October 18, 2012 at 9:18 am

visible panty lines

I hear Conservative women have those tattooed on permanently…

prommie October 17, 2012 at 12:16 pm

How could I be mean to Meg? Bless her heart, she's just precious! Going to his next wedding after he dumped her and all, you go girl! That'll show him!

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