flotus files

The Inevitable ‘Who Wore It Best?’ Michelle Obama vs. Ann Romney Smackdown

That's MRS. Flotus to you...Before going into too much detail, the answer is Michelle Obama. Always. Unless of course the question is, “Who ate the rest of my french fries?” (The answer to that question used to be The Snowbilly, but now who knows?!) If you watched last night’s debate long enough to see the spouses emerge from the dark tunnels under America’s “undecided” voters, you may have noticed that OMG LADIES WEARING THE SAME COLOR OUTFIT!!! This is what happens when you are trapped in Mitt Romney’s lady-binders, we guess? Or it was a dumb breast cancer thing. (Women’s vote! Ladies just love their pink ribbons and October breast cancer-themed Lifetime movie marathons.) Let us explore!

After Barry O. and Mittens wrapped up their debate/staring contest last night, their wives appeared, both in hot pink.

Hot pink, or Schiaparelli pink as you fashion hounds might call it, was apparently the color of the night.

For her hubby’s big night, Michelle was wearing a hot pink dress with a coordinating jacket. (We’re thinking it might be Preen, like FLOTUS’ last debate outfit, but we’re just spitballing here.) It wasn’t too surprising to see Mrs O. in pink — the color worked wonders for her at the Democratic Nation Convention and she’s sported the plenty of times before.

But Ann must have also had the same idea, wearing a short-sleeve dress in a nearly identical shade of Pepto pink. Ann’s textured dress was a new one for her, by far the brightest thing we’ve ever seen her in (save for that bird shirt). She upped the vibrancy with an aqua statement necklace, plus a blush-colored brocade jacket seen before the debate began.

Hey there, librul media bias! Of course Michelle is in “hot” pink and Egg gets the Pepto Bismol comparison. Accurate, but still. Of course, this is the least of Egg’s worries:

Also an unfortunate feature of Ann’s outfit: visible panty lines. Several Twitter followers suggested she get a pair of Spanx for next week’s debate…

Aaaaaaaand we have a winner. Automatic FLOTUS win due to VPL. [HuffPo]

About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

View all articles by Blair Burke
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  1. LibertyLover

    Ann Romney was in the audience. You could see Egg in Obama's final statement about the 47% and did she look p-o'd.

    Michelle was offstage. But she wore it better.

  2. freakishlywrong

    She deserves VPL and a fucking wedgie after her husband talked to the POTUS as though he were trying to bus his table; "You'll get your chance in a moment. I'm still speaking."

    1. Isyaignert

      I luv G 'n' P – We used them as party favors for our wedding because what could be better than Good and Plenty of it?

      Also, too, the aroma of G 'n' P is known to very arousing to the females of our species. I have been known to give a big jar of them as a bridal shower gift.

  3. freakishlywrong

    For people concerned about the "women's vote" the ridiculous "media" spends an inordinate amount of time critiquing what the wimmen folk are wearing and who won the 'effing "cookie bake off". Sheeeesh!

  4. elviouslyqueer

    Speaking as Wonkette's resident fashion-conscious fag, I can confidently say that Michelle wins this round. Egg looks washed-out in hot pink, and JESUS CHRIST THAT HUGE ROLEX ON HER WRIST can be seen from Neptune. Also, the turquoise necklace is so hippiechick early-1970s. Tsk, Ann. Just, tsk.

    1. weejee

      And Egg arrived on stage much too early, like she had to rescue Willard. Our beloved FLOTUS was precisely fashionably late, knowing Bamz had clearly won.

    2. valgal2342

      Ann's hair is mousey too. But she's got that titty out there while she & Mitt kiss like third graders.

    1. Serolf_Divad

      The magic part is that she's actually wearing a thong, but the magical panties make it look like she's wearing a granny girdle.

      Eeeeewwwww… there's your "thanks for ruining my lunch" comment of the day.

  5. FakaktaSouth

    Automatic FLOTUS win because she is beautiful, and Ann just sucks more due to VCP, Visible Cuntitude in Panties.

    Seriously though, I'm thinking the same people who hate Mitt enough to let him go on stage last night with nothing more than "I run businesses" (into the ground) and OLYMPICS (balanced with govt money) also thought it was HILARIOUS that Ann was gonna get blasted for granny panties today.

    1. prommie

      I swear to God I do believe that his campaign people are spitting in his soup every fucking day, hawking huge globs right in there and serving it to him steaming hot! With maybe some jizz cause why the fuck not!

  6. memzilla

    Egg: "Criticize the dress I wore to see my husband get a beatdown? Stop it. Just stop it. THIS IS HARD."

  7. actor212

    I liked how Michelle made BO kiss her on the cheek. I think she was afraid if their lips touched, she would have legitimately raped him on stage.

    1. PugglesRule

      STOP IT. THIS IS HARD. Do you know how difficult it is to compete with that woman who sleeps where Miffed and Egg should be sleeping?

  8. SorosBot

    Oh god I did not want to have to think about Egg's panties; thanks a lot internet, now I'm all nauseous.

    1. memzilla

      Then stay out of their stores; Eggs Panties, now open in the Stamford Mall and the Galleria at Boca Raton.

  9. Terry

    Say, those sleeves on Ann Romney's dress are fairly short and the neckline is sort of low cut. How on Earth can she be wearing her magic underwear under that dress? Is Ann being immodest?

    1. Advn2rgirl

      The magic underwear ("garments") my girlfriend showed me actually looks like a camisole and tap pants. Underarmour?

  10. prommie

    The Jezebelification of Wonkette continues apace. Damn this place was more masculine under the reign of the redheaded real wonkette her own self, with assfucking, too.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Hey now, you wanna fight over things like how talking about panties is not masculine enough? (You do not.) And I like this one, it's funny, AND made all the more so because a "rotting fish" commercial just blasted through my computer speakers whilst reading. Ann's giant panties, and rotting fish, what the hell are you bitching about?

      1. prommie

        I don't know. Posts like this one just make me miss Princess Sparkle Pony. This place needs more ghey, thats the problem! Maybe prancy little Diamond David Lee Roth could become a guest-blogger! That would raise the flamboyancy level to 11!

    2. Mumbletypeg

      Well don't blame Blair. She's been covering the FLOTUS beat since cro[mulent]-magnon days of beardeds and gingers who hired her. I consider her an old timer and like Benincasa, a skilled writer with the subject matter when the opportunity presents itself.
      If evidence that lack of frequency of Benincasa (til recently, but who knows if she'll maintain or occupy 'regular contributor' status?) or Burke posts in recent months does not persuade you, I'll just speak for myself when I get to hear either of their voices I am pretty much never disappointed.

  11. Mumbletypeg

    Ann’s textured dress was a new one for her, by far the brightest thing we’ve ever seen her in

    You didn't build that, Ann. Indeed: on you, it looked borrowed.

    1. prommie

      I don't think I have ever heard or seen the words "mormon" and "fashion" adjacent to each other ever. Speaking of Fakakta's youthful flirtation with DonnieandMarieism, the Marie Osmand wardrobe is coming screamingly back to mind and damn, just fucking damn, thats some shit there.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Hey hey hey easy now, I said that you know, in a quiet room, don't be all spreading that shit everywhere. And are you talking about cowgirl fringe? that's what I think of when I think young Marie. Cowgirl fringe. And now with Old Marie it's plastic surgery and running away when she had her 400th child, but mostly still in fringe.

          1. prommie

            How could I be mean to Meg? Bless her heart, she's just precious! Going to his next wedding after he dumped her and all, you go girl! That'll show him!

    2. MosesInvests

      OMG, I'm one of the more fashion-ignorant straight guys here, and even I looked at that and thought, "Oh, girlfriend…."

  12. UnholyMoses

    As a straight guy whose clothes are pretty much all shades of brown, green, and blue, I find this thread oddly easy to masturbate to.

    I'm Mitt Romney*, and I approve the incoherent connection between those two statements.

    (* Not really.)

  13. DCBloom

    My first thought was who would wear a green necklace with a pink dress? Ann can not compete with our lovely FLOTUS

  14. prommie

    I just found out what that insufferable marieantoinette-ish cunt Egg is planning for her "cause,' in the event God steps in and miracles Willard into the oval office, and all I have to say is I hope that cunt gets penis cancer!

  15. Dr_Zoidberg

    Now, our FLOTUS could wear a paper bag and pipe cleaners and still look adorable, but personally I hate pink. Bleh.

  16. johnnyzhivago

    You laugh, but my mother only voted for Obama last time because of Michelle's clothes.

    The last discussion I had with her on politics was around Christmas when she said she felt that Obama had too many black people at the Christmas tree lighting ceremony. So I said, you mean like Al Roker?

  17. Poindexter718

    I'm more interested in the body language in those two pictures: Bams looks like he's cold cooing some Barry White shit in FLOTUS's ear about what he's gonna do when they get back to the White Hizzie, while Mittens looks like he's kissing his sister.

  18. ElPinche

    Ann's hair…good god, it looked like molten gold spewing out her skull. With that alone, Ann is disqualified .

  19. James Michael Curley

    The commercial response to VPL was the major cause of PTSD (Pantyhose Termination Shock Disorientation) in returning Vietnam vets. You came home knowing nothing about them and got that nice young thing ready to take that long walk from the front porch to your front seat and you start moving up her leg and, "Wtf? WTF is that!" Thanks Dow Chemical for another toxic shock to the system.

  20. Ducksworthy

    Note to those not anthropologically inclined: When a Mormon Lady wears pink it is and indication that ovulating and should be mounted forthwith.

  21. alvinnewman

    I imagine the photo captions went something like this:

    Michelle – "oooooooooh baby"
    Egg – "you had better win this f@@cker, mister"

  22. VeraSevera

    Stop it! If you think it's so easy running for First Lady when your panty lines are showing then you try it!

    P.S. Vera's wardrobe does not yet include Spanx but she's googling now….

  23. calliecallie

    I think Egg's dress would have looked better with a simple Republican string of pearls. You know she has them.

  24. An_Outhouse

    The dress color was part of the agreed upon debate rules. Michelle cheated by breaking out a big 'O' face when greeting her husband at the conclusion of the event.

  25. MinAgain

    Michelle Obama is a beautiful, fit woman with a great smile. She could have poured Pepto-Bismol over her head, and she'd still win.

  26. babsinbuffalo

    Ann looks binder-ready. But, (please refer to article above) that one son — Josh you say? — looks TERRIFYING even without fancy Wonkette photo trickery.

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