Remember yesterday, when we learned that mortician’s apprentice* Paul Ryan likes to help poor people by doing jobs that have already been done? (And THANKS, Wonkette tip line tipsters, for asking this morning why we are not all over this. THANKS FOR READING, SO MUCH. Here, let us give you that link AGAIN.) And not only that, but he “ramrodded” his way in, and everyone was sooo pissed? Well above is the fascinating behind-the-scenes video of “Mr.” Ryan so naturally rolling up his sleeves to wash that clean pan for the cameras. My, he doesn’t even have to think about it for a moment! Clean pan? Sure! Got a brush? It is vaguely fascinating! But we also have a new aspect to this story, and that is the homeless man Paul Ryan graces with his mouthwords right at the end of the video.
How much does Paul Ryan love poors and homelesses? HE DOESN’T EVEN PUNCH THE HOMELESS IN THE FACE, but tells him it is “nice to meet him,” before saying he, Paul Ryan, also lives in a town, doesn’t listen to a word the old man is trying mumblingly to say, and then saunters out the door. Hey man, he doesn’t have all day to sit around listening to homelesses just because he used their soup kitchen for his ridiculous photo op! He is Paul Ryan! He’s got embalming practice at four!
If this story were on Mitt Romney’s website, it would explain that Paul Ryan, with his mere presence, had saved that old man’s life.
Get on it, Romney website. We’re not gonna cut back all government support for social programs for homelesses and instead rely only on private charity like Ryan’s if you all don’t do your jobs and WIN THIS BITCH!
*Origins lost to the mists of time.
[Youtube]
{ 191 comments }
In a "just" world, washing dishes is all that a dumbass like Paul Ryan should be doing.
I wouldn't give him that much credit. I think perhaps towel/butt boy would be the ideal career for Goober Munster
Please, don't argue! I'm sure we can come to an agreement here that takes everyone's views into consideration.
How about if he washes butt towels?
I wouldn't trust him with that either. Busboy, maybe.
I respectfully disagree. We count on our dishwashers (persons and machines) to get the germs off. I don't think we can count of PR to do a good enough job.
In a just world, that snotty little prick would be eating all his meals at the soup kitchen.
Well, being a dishwasher requires actual WORK (trust me on this) and that's not something Ryan would do. Ever. In this or any other reality.
Couldn't we just run him through the Hobart? He'd come out squeaky clean.
Why is he allowing his children to even know there's such a thing as a soup kitchen? Shouldn't they be at home, being schooled?
You gotta know where the 47% hang out, so later you can come back and taunt them for making the banks rape the economy.
Wow, he was about as dismissive of that man as Mitt is of the 47%. "Hey old dude – fuck off"
Shit — I came this close to getting through an entire soup kitchen photo-op without having to deal with a single homeless person.
Ryan probably knew that the man wasn't going to vote for him, being of the 47% and all and just wanting more "free stuff."
47% germs are contagious.
It is hard to wash clean pans in the presence of homeless people. I have never managed to, myself
Inviting himself to a place he's not welcome, doing a job that's already been done, but worse, and then ignoring the concerns and needs of the real, live people who are there. Sounds like the GOP plan for America – and Iraq – and Afghanistan – and Syria – and Iran – and uteri.
Rosie Ruiz approves of this candidate.
Telling that volunteering kid "this is very important" IS true after all, I mean, if this guy gets his way, there will be A SHIT TON more homeless people for this kid to volunteer over, he may as well get used to it now.
More homeless people + less money to feed them = free market efficiency!
He might should have also told that kid, you like washing dishes? That's gonna be your job forever if you are lucky. And this shelter? You wouldn't hate to live here would you? How bout dying? You could die here, no? No healthcare or retirement for you, you look WAY young, and you know we are only promising to deal with the really old fucks. Not the old fuck in this video, but you know, oh hell, just fuck everybody.
You know what would make you guys feel better? Throwing rotten vegetables at racist menswear retail shops! (See how I dialed that back from the Trans Am shooting spree, due to an attack of conscience?)
We are always searching for the perfect "what to do" next – I just never thought I'd find a thing like that to do in New Jersey! Good lord, I like getting to be all superior in the north. I do think we may have to venture through that little town once more. Excellent wine shop, great food and a little menacing of the town racist. Sounds perfect to me!
"there will be A SHIT TON more homeless people for this kid to volunteer over…"
including the kid himself.
I wish he's go quail-shooting with Dick Cheney and Dick chooses to shoot quail with buckshot that day.
Shit even better, they go out into the woods and Dick's new heart skips out and before he dies (because he will NEVER die) he just reaches inside Paul's chest and starts all over again. Cause you know he would.
Well its fucking Cheney, he'd do it to his mother, of course he'd do it to this vicious little prick.
Cheney's Organ Harvesting Ranch is completely organic, and his Free Range Youth are all led in P90X daily by the ranch hands, who are extremely nervous when given their performance reviews, also.
Instead of releasing caged quail to shoot, Dick and Eddie could use homeless people. Much easier targets.
Also, there will be a shit ton more volunteer (i.e. unpaid) jobs.
I'm sure all the Rombots will now insist Eddie honored that poor homeless man with his P90X presence!
I heard Ryan actually does P180X. It's twice as hardcore and half as useful.
And he does the hour-long workout in thirty minutes.
He cooks a three-minute egg in 90 seconds!
And cums…
He ran nine miles in seven minutes yesterday.
Skipping part of the process seems to be in his portfolio. Witness cleaning an already clean kitchen.
Now now, he's just OCD. Just ODC, I mean. No, wait, OCD was right. OCD. OCD. O.C.D.
Aw, damn, now I have to go check that I turned the lights out.
Did you lock the front door? I bet you forgot – you better check that, too.
Aw, shit! And the iron! I bet I left the iron on too!
Wait. Did I turn the lights out?
Just to be on the safe side, you have to spin around 3 times before you check. Otherwise it might become unlocked.
OK, one….two…did you say three or four?
unplug the toaster. could light on fire.
I don't have a toaster.
Wait. I'd better check.
Did you sign my check? Go check.
That's CDO-in alphabetical order, as it should be.
That reminds me, it's time to vacuum out the heater vents.
Don't want them dust bunnies setting the house on fire the first time the heater kicks on.
For someone I guessed was a compulsive handwasher, Ryan certainly looks like he's never seen a faucet before.
"Here, take a voucher, old man."
"Hi, I'm pretending to be a human. Here are some humans. Let's briefly do as the humans do. Ok, we're done. Hi human, I live in something almost human-like. Here's the door, let's walk through it and shed our human skins so we can breathe dryer lint again. Humans are stupid."
I hear Romeny and Ryan will be joining the cast of The Neighbors.
"Death to all Humans" — Bender B. Rodriguez
Oh my god, Little Lord Fauntleroy shook that homeless man's hand! Quick, Jeeves, bring him a gallon of hand sanitizer and the good handkerchiefs!
…the ones you can write debate notes on.
The best part is at the end where Paul Ryan, grabbing a dish towel, says to the cameras, "Now watch this dry!"
"I'm gonna water them and you're going to dry them"?
you can tell that Eddie Munster has sure washed a lot of dishes!
What an insipid little jackass.
Kid should have responded "I have a plan that will get these dishes cleaner, faster, using no water or soap. I will tell you the specific details after you have paid me $100 million."
Needs more tax cuts
Only in "post racial" and post Fox-ized Murka can a pair of cartoon villains come so close to being elected to the highest office I'm the land.
They are Captain Stern and Hanover Fist in the flesh.
"Walk faster, and don't look at or touch the scary Black homeless man, kids. We sure don't want to catch any poverty he might be carrying."
Was he black? He just looked like he spent the summer outside to me, being homeless.
A perfectly understandable mistake; all poors look alike.
He "spent a summer washing dishes," and yet never learned how to tell which ones had been washed already? That must have been one long, unsatisfying summer.
It's where he learned to turn the "dirty" side away from the cameras.
The volunteers will have to REWASH those dishes….you can't use a towel to dry dishes in a commercial kitchen. They MUST be air-dryed and washing the dishes is a three step sanitizing process. What a tool.
Man its like, cynicism, but raised to a superhuman level, pure essence of refined contemptuous cynicism. Just shameless fucking not even giving a hint of a shit about even making a fucking pretense at being fucking real about any motherfucking thing at all! Just fucking hubristic "I can fool all you idiots because I am so so so fucking sharp, you fucking idiots." So fucking, well, fuck. I hope he fucking chokes to fucking death slowly on his own dick is all.
With votes, you mean.
Exactly. You know, inside Ryan is hating every minute of this and just wishing the election was over so he didn't have to pretend to care anymore.
Look, I gots no probs with being disgusted at hanging out with the kinds of folks who would vote for PaulR and allow him to pander at them, I wouldn't wanna do it either, but that's why I am not a Republican candidate for anything.
The way he touches that lady you can tell he's very, hey look at me, touching a common person, aren't I great? Just, no.
You nailed my boss there, too, total faker who gets 20k more than me to show up and let the place run itself. So, in conclusion, that's life?
It really is, sadly.
That's Latin, baby. Mr. Ryan is an educated man. Now I know I hate him.
mayor rahm?
"Just fucking hubristic "I can fool all you idiots because I am so so so fucking sharp, you fucking idiots." "
something about something something going before a fall?
"Essence of Refined Contemptuous Cynicism" is Paul Ryan's favorite aftershave.
If the homeless would just do P90X, then they too could have the glamour muscles of eddie munster and something something Reagan, freedom, job creators. Also, Ayn Rand.
And be the new Jack Kennedy, also, too
It takes very little equipment! The slatterns can curl their whelps!
I do hope your not advocating sliding puppies down the ice.
From beasts they scorn as soulless,
In forest, field, and den,
The cry goes up to witness
The soullessness of men.
~M. Frida Hartley
"is this a brush???" is Goober Munster for "why wasn't my fucking photo op completley set up, plebes??". Meanwhile, Mrs. Goober Munster looks likes, "ooooohhhh, so THAT'S what Consuelo does when I accuse her of watching telenovelas all day. And dok her sub minimum wage pay!"
And the award for Best Orchestrated Pretend Photo-Op in the History of Ever goes to…
Commander Cod-Piece libel!
DISHES ACCOMPLISHED
So much win, right there.
Absolutely!
Love it.
*applauds wildly*
Well, Hitler's jig in Paris just dropped down to second.
Not this bullshit.
AOTK.
he cleaned exactly the same number of dishes all the other republicans do in their fantasy land where poors depend on churches, charities, and the kindness of strangers instead of having a safety net provided by the government. watch closely, 47%-ers. this is your future.
Again – *H*O*W* can this election be THIS close?!?!?!?!
That's what I keep
banging my head against the walltrying to figure out.Oh, right; the skin, the skin.
There's an ad for a Chinese language course when I watch that video. How appropriate.
Say, did I read somewhere that Ryan ramrodded his way in? I could have sworn I saw that on the net. Maybe it was at Gawker.
Jack Wrangler libel?
I am glad he put his clothes back on for this video.
It was last week on the TV Guide site.
It seems that Paul "fucktard" Ryan would just let the invisible hand of the "free market" wash those poors' dishes.
Ryan to homeless man: Oh sure, it's always about YOU!
"Oh hey cool I live in a town too."
If the dismissive jerking-off motion could speak, it would sound just like that.
"If the dismissive jerking-off motion could speak, it would sound just like that."
I just re-watched the movie "Wolf" this weekend. Every word, gesture, and facial expression of the smarmy James Spader yuppie villain character* reminded me of Ryan.
*redundant; all James Spader characters are smarmy yuppie villains
Did he say "I live in a town similar called Jesusville"?
No, that's where he's going to live.
Not soon enough.
Next week Ryan will be telling people that he built that homeless shelter from the ground up with his bare hands, pounding the nails with his fists.
In 3hours and 23minutes.
Then he climbed every mountain with a homeless person on his back, just to allow them to enjoy the view!
With his blue ox Babe! Wait, that was Paul Bunyan, not Paul Ryan.
…and when he screwed the sheetrock in, he screwed the sheetrock in.
But the Obama closed it during the Bush administration.
You don't want to know what he's pounding the nails with.
Well, come on, it's not like the homeless are allowed to vote in Ohio.
What is with the typewriter sounds all over the first half of the video?! Did Walter Winchell's ghost cover this event?
No, I think it must have been Weegee. It's a murder scene, afer all.
Liberal media photographers clicking like crazy to document The Great Unwashing of 2012.
God, they are horrible at this.
Advance team fail, yes.
With all these goddamn kids running around, I think less and less "Paul Ryan" and more and more "Rick Santorum".
Are those his own kids he's using as stage props in this fraud? What a fine, fine father he is.
Daddy's Little Dividends…
Well, Obama makes his kids go and volunteer at places like this with himself and Michelle, too. But they actually stay for a good long time, and do actual work.
"You get callouses on your fingers because it's so hot."
He's never done manual labor in his life.
His only callouses are on his heart…
And his palm.
I was a dishwasher for a few months, and you're right. He must have very coddled, aristocratic hands. Too bad they're attached to a lowbrow sociopath.
So did you get callouses from the hot water?…..
Not at all; apparently I have plebian hands.
no- not from hot water!
Jeebus wept. Sticking your hands in hot water does NOT give you callouses. FFS, they cause you to lose calluses, because the skin gets so sodden and pruny that your skin sloughs off. Chapped skin leading to cracking and bleeding at the knuckles? Yes. Callouses? no.
I don't know. His ability to catapult the propaganda by constantly lying every time he draws breath shows he has a high tolerance for repetitive tasks.
He did drive the Weinermobile around for a summer, too. Never mind, it was probably automatic.
"You get callouses on your fingers because the SuperPAC cash is so hot, but its callouses on your tongue you have to see the doctor about"
P90X'd that for you, in record time
This just shows how much social justice catholics love Ryan. The day to day parish priest in suburbia likes to point out, on archdiocese orders, how Obama is a baby killer who makes them pay for birth control, but those who actually serve the poor keep it in perspective. Yes, Obama does support access to birth control and abortion, but catholics who are oriented around social justice and serving the poor know for a fact that Ryan/Romney would hurt poor people through their policies. The guy who blew the whistle on this non event didn't do so because he thought the whole thing was in bad taste, he probably did it because he sees Ryan/Romney cutting more holes in the safety net.
From the Nuns on the Bus:
We are deeply troubled by your campaign’s recent advertisements and statements about welfare, which we believe demonize the families we serve and reflect a woeful lack of knowledge about the challenges faced by tens of millions of Americans. By accepting our invitation, we hope that you will have the opportunity to see firsthand the struggles of those in need and have the compassion to desist your campaign’s harsh attacks.
Invitation accepted: Ryan saw that the greatest obstacle, for poor people, was pans that had not been double washed.
Dishwashing is a job often taken by undocumented workers especially in cities since it is a crummy job that stays crummy.
It would be a shame to replace a hardworking immigrant supporting his family by sending remittances but Ryan might have found his real career.
I see Hispanic guys doing the dishes at the back of Chinese restaurants- and do not ASK ME why I am walking down the alley behind the restaurants
"Ryan might have found his real career."
Yeah, showing up after somebody else did the real work and taking credit for it.
Oh wait, he's already a Republican.
Did he really look at the directions on the dish soap?
I noticed that too. Apparently he was confused by the whole "pour detergent on sponge or brush, wet until sudsy" process.
Or the ingredients.
"ah, yes, active ingredients include the sweat of hobos and lady power!"
1. He's going to "water" the dishes? wtf is he talking about?
2. Mr. Goon can actually wash dirty dishes. I guess that is why I married him.
3. Ryan is telling his kids how dishes are washed, because, let me guess, they have no clue. That is the weirdest thing of all, maybe?
Strangers in a totally strange land…
you water the dishes and then they grow That is how you make your service for 4 into service for 8- right?
The more I learn about this Eddie Munster fellow the more I dislike him. I thought my disdain for him was as low as the Mariana Trench before he was even the VP nominee, but amazingly, it just continues to dive….down down down.
Rock Munster!! Down, down!!
The Venus of the soup kitchen is waiting there for me
And all us poor cripples who've been in the wars
End up sleeping on her floor
Mittens said it couldn't be done, but Ryan won over a 47%er with his simple pitch of towney-ism.
Fucking menial labor…how does it work?
You mean running for vice president, right?
Was Leni Riefenstahl unavailiable fo film this victory of faith?
I'm tending to throw my support the national ticket of the I Wash My Hands party this time out. IWMH 2012/ Pilate, Lady Macbeth.
Okay, so did you get calluses from the hot water?….
Of course not. You get sore feet and a wicked aching back, but you do not get calluses from washing dishes at a restaurant. What, nobody here ever had a Real Jerb?
also working in kitchens- I get burned. I have spilled boiling pasta water on my stomach and currently have a long burn healing on my arm from removing a large baking tray from the oven These are from my current volunteer "jobs"
Oh, bless you for doing that. Yeah, working kitchen in the restaurant world is about getting burns, which hurt so damned much. Fortunately I just got minor ones–grease spatters and stuff. Still, I hated that. Also, the occasional knife slice on the hand. Yow.
My personal worst was, at age 15, having to empty the giant trash cans out back and carry the bags of trash to the curb. I was so small I had to turn the cans on their sides to remove the bags, and rats would run out between my legs. But I was a 15 year old street kid who got medical care at free clinics, you know, a taker , and thus deserved what I got. Fuck Paul Ryan.
Keep an aloe plant in your kitchen or on your windowsill at home. From my years as a
restaurant cookchef, I remember that nothing healed burns quite as well as fresh aloe.Lavender oil is even better.
Yeah, no calluses… Major chapping and eventual split knuckles are more the norm.
Maybe we weren't doing it right? I never got calluses either, but I don't recall using a brush, also too.
Well, at least we know now why Romney hired him…..
He didn't punch a homeless guy in the face because the cameras were rolling. But he did set fire to a shelter on the way to the airport.
Bless Mr Ryan's lying heart. He's trying but it always looks like he's trying too hard. Like his biceps.
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Well you can't expect the Vice President (practically)-Elect to wash a dirty pan, can you?
The obvious contempt for the American voter in this display conceals the hidden contempt Ryan has for the disadvantaged.
"Mommy why is that man washing the clean dishes?"
Wow, I didn't think it was possible to hate that preening little fuck any worse.
I suppose it's to be considered progress that Smirky didn't actually say the word "cooties" out loud.
Paul has a full size shower on the bus that sprays nothing but hand sanitizer for just such emergencies.
If that old man expected attention from Paul Ryan or Mitt Romney, then he should have brought along his fancy yacht taking on water in Lake Winnipesaukee.
I'm going to work at a soup kitchen tonight actually, anyone have any ideas how I could parlay that into a "runner up for the second most powerful man in the world" deal?
So, as a "professional" dishwasher, I can tell you that Paul Ryan is a shithead. Also, you can't get calluses from hot water – you can burn your skin, and your nails will get fucked all to hell, but not calluses.
"I spent the summer washing dishes. We had a Hobart. Well, at least I think that was the man's name."
We can laugh, but really this spectacle is just incredibly sad, kind of like Keanu Reeves performing Hamlet or something.
He's checking the facilities for after the election………
These fuckers just keep lying and lying and it doesn't matter because Obama's father was Kenyan. I don't see any other reason why this is even close. There's no evidence to support anything they say and tons opposing it, but still bullshit prevails.
They. Are. White.
I'm afraid to watch.
YOU DO NOT GET CALLUSES FROM HOT WATER, IDJIT!
Did not watch… Eating.
How come its inappropriate to ask candidates about their children, but its okay to trot them out for photo ops (both sides do this. Rahm almost shivved a reporter for daring to ask about his kids)
Gosh, daddy, I thought you said you got those callouses in your mouth from the superPAC guys? Did they make you drink hot water?
Play "Misty" for me…
So, politician does politiciany thing. People who disagree with his policies are outraged. The dishes got washed. Please direct me to the problem here so that I can be outraged too.
You ever read about those bird-slaughtering expeditions he would go on? Him and his vampiric cohorts would go on canned hunts, to kill farm-raised, tame ducks and quail and pheasants, and literally, literally kill HUNDREDS EACH. Disgusting bloodthirsty evil cocksucker that man is, demonic, truly diabolical and I mean that in the Roman Catholic way in which there are venial sins and diabolical sins.
We can stop in and see Bobby right next door, too! Cath can get us some rotten vegetables from the organic co-op! We got it all down now!
What about the venereal sins? I guess that's why he always used Dubya as a condom.
He's an old, rich, white guy, so all his sins are venerable sins.
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