Paul Ryan Loves Poors So Much He Didn’t Even Punch This Homeless Man In The Face (Video)

Remember yesterday, when we learned that mortician’s apprentice* Paul Ryan likes to help poor people by doing jobs that have already been done? (And THANKS, Wonkette tip line tipsters, for asking this morning why we are not all over this. THANKS FOR READING, SO MUCH. Here, let us give you that link AGAIN.) And not only that, but he “ramrodded” his way in, and everyone was sooo pissed? Well above is the fascinating behind-the-scenes video of “Mr.” Ryan so naturally rolling up his sleeves to wash that clean pan for the cameras. My, he doesn’t even have to think about it for a moment! Clean pan? Sure! Got a brush? It is vaguely fascinating! But we also have a new aspect to this story, and that is the homeless man Paul Ryan graces with his mouthwords right at the end of the video.

How much does Paul Ryan love poors and homelesses? HE DOESN’T EVEN PUNCH THE HOMELESS IN THE FACE, but tells him it is “nice to meet him,” before saying he, Paul Ryan, also lives in a town, doesn’t listen to a word the old man is trying mumblingly to say, and then saunters out the door. Hey man, he doesn’t have all day to sit around listening to homelesses just because he used their soup kitchen for his ridiculous photo op! He is Paul Ryan! He’s got embalming practice at four!

If this story were on Mitt Romney’s website, it would explain that Paul Ryan, with his mere presence, had saved that old man’s life.

Get on it, Romney website. We’re not gonna cut back all government support for social programs for homelesses and instead rely only on private charity like Ryan’s if you all don’t do your jobs and WIN THIS BITCH!

*Origins lost to the mists of time.


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    1. zumpie

      I wouldn't give him that much credit. I think perhaps towel/butt boy would be the ideal career for Goober Munster

      1. CthuNHu

        Please, don't argue! I'm sure we can come to an agreement here that takes everyone's views into consideration.

        How about if he washes butt towels?

    2. Geminisunmars

      I respectfully disagree. We count on our dishwashers (persons and machines) to get the germs off. I don't think we can count of PR to do a good enough job.

    3. UnholyMoses

      Well, being a dishwasher requires actual WORK (trust me on this) and that's not something Ryan would do. Ever. In this or any other reality.

  1. Cleopatriot

    Why is he allowing his children to even know there's such a thing as a soup kitchen? Shouldn't they be at home, being schooled?

    1. Yellerdawg

      You gotta know where the 47% hang out, so later you can come back and taunt them for making the banks rape the economy.

    1. CthuNHu

      Shit — I came this close to getting through an entire soup kitchen photo-op without having to deal with a single homeless person.

    2. LibertyLover

      Ryan probably knew that the man wasn't going to vote for him, being of the 47% and all and just wanting more "free stuff."

  2. noodlesalad

    Inviting himself to a place he's not welcome, doing a job that's already been done, but worse, and then ignoring the concerns and needs of the real, live people who are there. Sounds like the GOP plan for America – and Iraq – and Afghanistan – and Syria – and Iran – and uteri.

  3. FakaktaSouth

    Telling that volunteering kid "this is very important" IS true after all, I mean, if this guy gets his way, there will be A SHIT TON more homeless people for this kid to volunteer over, he may as well get used to it now.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        He might should have also told that kid, you like washing dishes? That's gonna be your job forever if you are lucky. And this shelter? You wouldn't hate to live here would you? How bout dying? You could die here, no? No healthcare or retirement for you, you look WAY young, and you know we are only promising to deal with the really old fucks. Not the old fuck in this video, but you know, oh hell, just fuck everybody.

        1. Chet Kincaid_

          You know what would make you guys feel better? Throwing rotten vegetables at racist menswear retail shops! (See how I dialed that back from the Trans Am shooting spree, due to an attack of conscience?)

          1. FakaktaSouth

            We are always searching for the perfect "what to do" next – I just never thought I'd find a thing like that to do in New Jersey! Good lord, I like getting to be all superior in the north. I do think we may have to venture through that little town once more. Excellent wine shop, great food and a little menacing of the town racist. Sounds perfect to me!

          2. prommie

            We can stop in and see Bobby right next door, too! Cath can get us some rotten vegetables from the organic co-op! We got it all down now!

    1. poncho_pilot

      "there will be A SHIT TON more homeless people for this kid to volunteer over…"

      including the kid himself.

    2. prommie

      I wish he's go quail-shooting with Dick Cheney and Dick chooses to shoot quail with buckshot that day.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Shit even better, they go out into the woods and Dick's new heart skips out and before he dies (because he will NEVER die) he just reaches inside Paul's chest and starts all over again. Cause you know he would.

          1. Chet Kincaid_

            Cheney's Organ Harvesting Ranch is completely organic, and his Free Range Youth are all led in P90X daily by the ranch hands, who are extremely nervous when given their performance reviews, also.

          2. prommie

            You ever read about those bird-slaughtering expeditions he would go on? Him and his vampiric cohorts would go on canned hunts, to kill farm-raised, tame ducks and quail and pheasants, and literally, literally kill HUNDREDS EACH. Disgusting bloodthirsty evil cocksucker that man is, demonic, truly diabolical and I mean that in the Roman Catholic way in which there are venial sins and diabolical sins.

      2. Nowisallthereis

        Instead of releasing caged quail to shoot, Dick and Eddie could use homeless people. Much easier targets.

      1. NellCote71

        Skipping part of the process seems to be in his portfolio. Witness cleaning an already clean kitchen.

  4. actor212

    Now now, he's just OCD. Just ODC, I mean. No, wait, OCD was right. OCD. OCD. O.C.D.

    Aw, damn, now I have to go check that I turned the lights out.

        1. Estproph

          Just to be on the safe side, you have to spin around 3 times before you check. Otherwise it might become unlocked.

    1. Native_of_SL_UT

      That reminds me, it's time to vacuum out the heater vents.
      Don't want them dust bunnies setting the house on fire the first time the heater kicks on.

  5. Pat_Pending

    "Hi, I'm pretending to be a human. Here are some humans. Let's briefly do as the humans do. Ok, we're done. Hi human, I live in something almost human-like. Here's the door, let's walk through it and shed our human skins so we can breathe dryer lint again. Humans are stupid."

  6. Dr_Zoidberg

    Oh my god, Little Lord Fauntleroy shook that homeless man's hand! Quick, Jeeves, bring him a gallon of hand sanitizer and the good handkerchiefs!

  7. SexySmurf

    The best part is at the end where Paul Ryan, grabbing a dish towel, says to the cameras, "Now watch this dry!"

  8. Oblios_Cap

    "I'm gonna water them and you're going to dry them"?

    you can tell that Eddie Munster has sure washed a lot of dishes!

    What an insipid little jackass.

    1. noodlesalad

      Kid should have responded "I have a plan that will get these dishes cleaner, faster, using no water or soap. I will tell you the specific details after you have paid me $100 million."

  9. TootsStansbury

    Only in "post racial" and post Fox-ized Murka can a pair of cartoon villains come so close to being elected to the highest office I'm the land.

  10. elviouslyqueer

    "Walk faster, and don't look at or touch the scary Black homeless man, kids. We sure don't want to catch any poverty he might be carrying."

  11. LesBontemps

    He "spent a summer washing dishes," and yet never learned how to tell which ones had been washed already? That must have been one long, unsatisfying summer.

    1. marymee

      The volunteers will have to REWASH those dishes….you can't use a towel to dry dishes in a commercial kitchen. They MUST be air-dryed and washing the dishes is a three step sanitizing process. What a tool.

  12. prommie

    Man its like, cynicism, but raised to a superhuman level, pure essence of refined contemptuous cynicism. Just shameless fucking not even giving a hint of a shit about even making a fucking pretense at being fucking real about any motherfucking thing at all! Just fucking hubristic "I can fool all you idiots because I am so so so fucking sharp, you fucking idiots." So fucking, well, fuck. I hope he fucking chokes to fucking death slowly on his own dick is all.

    1. Dr_Zoidberg

      Exactly. You know, inside Ryan is hating every minute of this and just wishing the election was over so he didn't have to pretend to care anymore.

    2. FakaktaSouth

      Look, I gots no probs with being disgusted at hanging out with the kinds of folks who would vote for PaulR and allow him to pander at them, I wouldn't wanna do it either, but that's why I am not a Republican candidate for anything.

      The way he touches that lady you can tell he's very, hey look at me, touching a common person, aren't I great? Just, no.

    3. joshleefolsom

      You nailed my boss there, too, total faker who gets 20k more than me to show up and let the place run itself. So, in conclusion, that's life?

    4. tessiee

      "Just fucking hubristic "I can fool all you idiots because I am so so so fucking sharp, you fucking idiots." "

      something about something something going before a fall?

  13. Crank_Tango

    If the homeless would just do P90X, then they too could have the glamour muscles of eddie munster and something something Reagan, freedom, job creators. Also, Ayn Rand.

  14. BadKitty904

    From beasts they scorn as soulless,
    In forest, field, and den,
    The cry goes up to witness
    The soullessness of men.

    ~M. Frida Hartley

  15. zumpie

    "is this a brush???" is Goober Munster for "why wasn't my fucking photo op completley set up, plebes??". Meanwhile, Mrs. Goober Munster looks likes, "ooooohhhh, so THAT'S what Consuelo does when I accuse her of watching telenovelas all day. And dok her sub minimum wage pay!"

  16. 1stNewtontheMoon

    he cleaned exactly the same number of dishes all the other republicans do in their fantasy land where poors depend on churches, charities, and the kindness of strangers instead of having a safety net provided by the government. watch closely, 47%-ers. this is your future.

  17. CrunchyKnee

    It seems that Paul "fucktard" Ryan would just let the invisible hand of the "free market" wash those poors' dishes.

  18. Roy Hobbson

    "Oh hey cool I live in a town too."

    If the dismissive jerking-off motion could speak, it would sound just like that.

    1. tessiee

      "If the dismissive jerking-off motion could speak, it would sound just like that."

      I just re-watched the movie "Wolf" this weekend. Every word, gesture, and facial expression of the smarmy James Spader yuppie villain character* reminded me of Ryan.

      *redundant; all James Spader characters are smarmy yuppie villains

  19. prommie

    Next week Ryan will be telling people that he built that homeless shelter from the ground up with his bare hands, pounding the nails with his fists.

      1. prommie

        Then he climbed every mountain with a homeless person on his back, just to allow them to enjoy the view!

  20. KeepFnThatChicken

    With all these goddamn kids running around, I think less and less "Paul Ryan" and more and more "Rick Santorum".

    1. Chet Kincaid_

      Well, Obama makes his kids go and volunteer at places like this with himself and Michelle, too. But they actually stay for a good long time, and do actual work.

  21. Radiotherapy

    "You get callouses on your fingers because it's so hot."

    He's never done manual labor in his life.

    1. swordfis

      I was a dishwasher for a few months, and you're right. He must have very coddled, aristocratic hands. Too bad they're attached to a lowbrow sociopath.

    2. GunToting[Redacted]

      Jeebus wept. Sticking your hands in hot water does NOT give you callouses. FFS, they cause you to lose calluses, because the skin gets so sodden and pruny that your skin sloughs off. Chapped skin leading to cracking and bleeding at the knuckles? Yes. Callouses? no.

    3. mrblifil

      I don't know. His ability to catapult the propaganda by constantly lying every time he draws breath shows he has a high tolerance for repetitive tasks.

    4. LibertyLover

      He did drive the Weinermobile around for a summer, too. Never mind, it was probably automatic.

    5. Gleem McShineys

      "You get callouses on your fingers because the SuperPAC cash is so hot, but its callouses on your tongue you have to see the doctor about"

      P90X'd that for you, in record time

  22. T3rbo

    This just shows how much social justice catholics love Ryan. The day to day parish priest in suburbia likes to point out, on archdiocese orders, how Obama is a baby killer who makes them pay for birth control, but those who actually serve the poor keep it in perspective. Yes, Obama does support access to birth control and abortion, but catholics who are oriented around social justice and serving the poor know for a fact that Ryan/Romney would hurt poor people through their policies. The guy who blew the whistle on this non event didn't do so because he thought the whole thing was in bad taste, he probably did it because he sees Ryan/Romney cutting more holes in the safety net.

    From the Nuns on the Bus:

    We are deeply troubled by your campaign’s recent advertisements and statements about welfare, which we believe demonize the families we serve and reflect a woeful lack of knowledge about the challenges faced by tens of millions of Americans. By accepting our invitation, we hope that you will have the opportunity to see firsthand the struggles of those in need and have the compassion to desist your campaign’s harsh attacks.

    Invitation accepted: Ryan saw that the greatest obstacle, for poor people, was pans that had not been double washed.

  23. Chow Yun Flat

    Dishwashing is a job often taken by undocumented workers especially in cities since it is a crummy job that stays crummy.

    It would be a shame to replace a hardworking immigrant supporting his family by sending remittances but Ryan might have found his real career.

    1. finallyhappy

      I see Hispanic guys doing the dishes at the back of Chinese restaurants- and do not ASK ME why I am walking down the alley behind the restaurants

    2. tessiee

      "Ryan might have found his real career."

      Yeah, showing up after somebody else did the real work and taking credit for it.
      Oh wait, he's already a Republican.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      I noticed that too. Apparently he was confused by the whole "pour detergent on sponge or brush, wet until sudsy" process.

  24. orygoon

    1. He's going to "water" the dishes? wtf is he talking about?
    2. Mr. Goon can actually wash dirty dishes. I guess that is why I married him.
    3. Ryan is telling his kids how dishes are washed, because, let me guess, they have no clue. That is the weirdest thing of all, maybe?

    1. finallyhappy

      you water the dishes and then they grow That is how you make your service for 4 into service for 8- right?

  25. MissTaken

    The more I learn about this Eddie Munster fellow the more I dislike him. I thought my disdain for him was as low as the Mariana Trench before he was even the VP nominee, but amazingly, it just continues to dive….down down down.

  26. kittensdontlie

    Mittens said it couldn't be done, but Ryan won over a 47%er with his simple pitch of towney-ism.

  27. SigDeFlyinMonky

    I'm tending to throw my support the national ticket of the I Wash My Hands party this time out. IWMH 2012/ Pilate, Lady Macbeth.

    1. orygoon

      Of course not. You get sore feet and a wicked aching back, but you do not get calluses from washing dishes at a restaurant. What, nobody here ever had a Real Jerb?

      1. finallyhappy

        also working in kitchens- I get burned. I have spilled boiling pasta water on my stomach and currently have a long burn healing on my arm from removing a large baking tray from the oven These are from my current volunteer "jobs"

        1. orygoon

          Oh, bless you for doing that. Yeah, working kitchen in the restaurant world is about getting burns, which hurt so damned much. Fortunately I just got minor ones–grease spatters and stuff. Still, I hated that. Also, the occasional knife slice on the hand. Yow.

          1. starfanglednut

            My personal worst was, at age 15, having to empty the giant trash cans out back and carry the bags of trash to the curb. I was so small I had to turn the cans on their sides to remove the bags, and rats would run out between my legs. But I was a 15 year old street kid who got medical care at free clinics, you know, a taker , and thus deserved what I got. Fuck Paul Ryan.

        2. tessiee

          Keep an aloe plant in your kitchen or on your windowsill at home. From my years as a restaurant cook chef, I remember that nothing healed burns quite as well as fresh aloe.

      1. shelwood46

        Maybe we weren't doing it right? I never got calluses either, but I don't recall using a brush, also too.

  28. kyeshinka

    He didn't punch a homeless guy in the face because the cameras were rolling. But he did set fire to a shelter on the way to the airport.

  29. Esteev

    Bless Mr Ryan's lying heart. He's trying but it always looks like he's trying too hard. Like his biceps.

  30. James Michael Curley

    For all you who are technophobic, here is a little of what you miss out on when you don't read the manual. Since the tubes appear to be clogged in the Next Post, which will be titled "Abusive Ogre Barack Obama Forces Hillary Clinton Into Taking Responsibility For her Department" If you comment on it here in an older post and hit the little "windows" button on the lower left of your key board, your comment will magically jump into the next Post to let the Editrix know something is not working.

  31. decentcitizen

    The obvious contempt for the American voter in this display conceals the hidden contempt Ryan has for the disadvantaged.

  32. tessiee

    I suppose it's to be considered progress that Smirky didn't actually say the word "cooties" out loud.

  33. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Paul has a full size shower on the bus that sprays nothing but hand sanitizer for just such emergencies.

  34. OneYieldRegular

    If that old man expected attention from Paul Ryan or Mitt Romney, then he should have brought along his fancy yacht taking on water in Lake Winnipesaukee.

  35. SavageDrummer

    I'm going to work at a soup kitchen tonight actually, anyone have any ideas how I could parlay that into a "runner up for the second most powerful man in the world" deal?

  36. rebeccavegas

    So, as a "professional" dishwasher, I can tell you that Paul Ryan is a shithead. Also, you can't get calluses from hot water – you can burn your skin, and your nails will get fucked all to hell, but not calluses.

  37. TavariousChinaSmith

    "I spent the summer washing dishes. We had a Hobart. Well, at least I think that was the man's name."

  38. TavariousChinaSmith

    We can laugh, but really this spectacle is just incredibly sad, kind of like Keanu Reeves performing Hamlet or something.

  39. Steverino247

    These fuckers just keep lying and lying and it doesn't matter because Obama's father was Kenyan. I don't see any other reason why this is even close. There's no evidence to support anything they say and tons opposing it, but still bullshit prevails.

  40. HouseOfTheBlueLights

    How come its inappropriate to ask candidates about their children, but its okay to trot them out for photo ops (both sides do this. Rahm almost shivved a reporter for daring to ask about his kids)

  41. Gleem McShineys

    Gosh, daddy, I thought you said you got those callouses in your mouth from the superPAC guys? Did they make you drink hot water?

  42. HouseOfTheBlueLights

    So, politician does politiciany thing. People who disagree with his policies are outraged. The dishes got washed. Please direct me to the problem here so that I can be outraged too.

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