Chick-Fil-A Grifts For More Of That Sweet, Sweet Anti-Gay Cash

  oh good this again

light in its loafers also too
What do you think, Chick-fil-A? Would only a fruitcake not love your party trays? Well we think you are aiming low! There are so many more people we can think of right off the bat who would not love your party trays!

  • Butt Pirates. Butt pirates would not love your party trays.
  • Fudge-Packers. Fudge-packers would not love your party trays too.
  • Gay Homosexuals. We are pretty sure they would not love your party trays either, because if they were having a party, they would probably want to serve actual food.

Chick-fil-A must really miss Sarah Palin and Miss Lindsey stuffing their maws with Chick-fil-A’s meat.

[DailyDolt]

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105 comments

  1. WhatTheHolyHeck

    Only Savior-killing Christ deniers wouldn't love their party trays.

    I am a Savior-killing Christ denier, and I approve this message.

  2. Buzz Feedback

    I'm looking forward to the "2013 Calendar" and its twelve depictions of the missionary position.

  3. Chet Kincaid_

    But, "nutty as a fruitcake" = insane person! It is also getting near holiday party season, when fruitcakes used to propagate, before everyone hated them.

    Naw, I like your insinuation better.

    – Chet Kincaid, Professional Party Pooper

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Now Chet — we all know that fruitcakes (the allegedly edible kind) don't propogate — I think it was Studs Terkel who argued that there was only one fruitcake in the entire world and people just kept passing it around to their relatives.

    2. BornInATrailer

      I would like to chime in with my quasi-related suggestion that people try Alton Brown's "free range fruitcake" recipe. It does not contain any citron and I, who am traditionally a fruitcake hater, love this fruitcake. Been making ti for years now. Fair warning, the ingredients are not cheap.

    3. Generation[redacted]

      I would think baked goods of all kinds would rally 'round the banner, "eat moar chiken and sof serv ice creem!"

      Also, Collin Street Bakery fruit cakes from Tyler, TX. I'll admit, I like them. But they're the only ones.

  4. LibertyLover

    I think we might be getting CFA all wrong. They don't mind the geigh who are still in the closet. They just don't like the ones that want to come out of the closet and get geigh married.

    That's pretty much the only way to explain Miss Lindsey.

    1. mrpuma2u

      Some straight people who have moved beyond the fried meat and starch groups might also dislike chick fullacrap as devoid of any culinary redeeming qualities, and therefore sucky.

    1. Esteev

      I think 7th grade actor could come up with a better ad campaign. Probably with the word "Cock" in it — because of the birds and such.

  5. PsycWench

    Having been present at receptions that heavily featured CFA party trays, I have to say that I am officially a fruitcake. The combination of the actual product with the extended holding time associated with party trays is not a winning combination.

    1. kittensdontlie

      ♫ I am fruitcake, she's a fruitcake, he's a fruitcake, we're a fruitcake, wouldn't you like to be a fruitcake too?!! ♫

    1. Boojum

      Given that Atlanta has one of the highest populations of teh ghey in the Country, and Chamblee is kinda part of Atlanta, I think that there should be a large flash mob descending on this store, each of should carefully study the menu and then order a free cup of water.

  6. widestanceromance

    Bone smokers would not care for C-F-A any more than rump riders (weinie washers are all closeted types so they'd care for it daily, in front of cameras while impregnating Maggie Gallagher on a flag).

  7. freakishlywrong

    I'd throw out there that the folks who shovel Chick -Fuck-A are not light in the loafers. Not by a long shot.

    1. Dumbedup

      It is NOT the recommended diet for achieving that ripped, sexy bod that gays (and everyone else) desire(s).

  8. jamsie25

    I don't buy the "only a fruitcake wouldn't love" thing. Sarah Palin is a bloody fruit cake and I bet she's mounting a moose right this second to ride to the nearest Chick-fil-A to cram one of their non-gay party trays down her sassy maw.

    1. YouFail4eva

      Hooray Obamacare! Now fat people can't be denied health insurance because of diabetes!

      Wait, what?

  9. FNMA

    I guess the original copy — "Only people who don't want to die from congestive heart failure wouldn't love our party trays!" — did fit the ad space.

  10. calliecallie

    I was trying to picture the party at which a CFA platter might be served, and now I kind of have that song from Deliverance running through my head.

    Da da da-da,da-da,da-da,da….

  11. Goonemeritus

    The more high salt high cholesterol unhealthy food they can get Republicans to eat the more I like them. Maybe we could start a meme that the “Democrat Party” is waging a war on real America’s love of eating raw eggs and pork Tartar.

      1. FNMA

        Not to change the subject — which means I will — whoever recommended Bulleit's rye made an exceptionally good call. Very tasty. And thanks for the reminder that I need to pick up a bottle on the way home so I'll be able to get through the debate tonight.

        1. Cicada

          If you're a rye drinker, High West Double Rye is pretty damn tasty too. They also have a bourbon-rye blend with a smoky finish called Campfire that makes me happy.

          1. FNMA

            Your taste in whiskey is surpassed only by your astonishing beauty and rapier wit.
            (Now, do I get some free booze or something?)

  12. elviouslyqueer

    From the comments:

    So what’s the problem? All of a sudden gays don’t have a sense of humor? Don’t take everything so seriously.

    See, here's the thing. I have an admittedly sardonic sense of humor. I tend to laugh at or be amused by things that are, by definition, funny. I tend not to laugh at things that are stupid, juvenile, or insulting (irrespective of who or what is being insulted). I'm funny like that. So, shorter me: fuck you very much, commenter.

  13. SayItWithWookies

    Only the brave members of GOProud, who profoundly believe in the Republican idea of self-interest in every respect except where it comes to their own sexuality, would manage to shove a Chick-Fil-A party tray into their mouths and pretend they liked it.

  14. Estproph

    Also: Chick-Fil-A disdained by queens.

    Homos think Chick-Fil-A is too uniform.

    Chick-Fil-A not assailed by butt pirates.

  15. Kid_Charlemagne

    In the wingnut world, there is no better way to exude class and sophistication than hosting a Chik-Fil-A-catered social event!

  16. WhatTheHeck

    Judging from the comments, no one here likes Chick-Fil-A party trays.
    That means we are all Fruitcakes today.

  17. KeepFnThatChicken

    It has been several months since I last ate at Christ-Fil-A, and it shall be many more before I return.

  18. BadKitty904

    I'll admit I'm not a bidness type, but I'd think a corporate plan featuring bigotry, hatred, and actively working to deprive American citizens of equal rights is probably, long term, a bad idea.

  19. RedneckMuslin

    Green Bay Fudge Packers won't like their party tray.

    I just wanted to say Green Bay Fudge Packers

  20. delaney_blom

    Fruitcakes have better shelf life than Chik-Fil-A party trays, that's for sure.

    I need to refresh my 2011 fruitcake with cognac this evening . . .

Comments are closed.