of course he's prolife he is a fetus

Ohio Senate Candidate Josh Mandel Loves Women So Much, Has A Mom And Wife And Everything

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ABORT ABORT ABORTGood times on the ol’ SPAN last night, as Ohio state Treasurer/debate club fetus TOOK IT to Senator Sherrod Brown, and by “took it to” we mean yelled his talking points with awesome macho frowning and stuff. Did you know that Josh Mandel served his country in Iraq? It is true, he did, though how he managed not to take a dose of friendly fire from his fellow troops who must have LOVED him is beyond what our puny mortal brains can understand. We think the first time he mentioned his service was in response to a Muslim fellow asking why he had run anti-Muslim ads against an opponent. The answer to that was “Iraq and ladies rights, don’t we all agree HENGHHH?” Then there was his answer to ladies’ rights HERE (clip not embeddable, FUCK YOU, SPAN!), to which his answer was “I have a wife and a mom! JERBS!” Dude, so suavay.

Anyhoo, it seems Josh Mandel is actually 35 years old, and not his high school’s debate club president who’s TOTALLY GONNA GO TO REGIONALS, so that’s adorable. Also adorable? His SOARING ORATORY when he thundered that “There is a War on Coal, and Barack Obama is its general and Sherrod Brown is one of his main lieutenants!” So we guess you all are the War on Coal’s privates! Thank you for your service.

[CSpan]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh girl, please.

    • BadKitty904

      Dang. You're not kidding.

      That twink's a walking band-camp story…

      • nounverb911

        He plays the piccolo?

        • Terry

          Borrowing from The Big Bang Theory, he's a clarinet enthusiast.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            So he prefers snails to oysters, to borrow the Spartacus trope?

          • WhatTheHeck

            But only in a Roman public bath

        • mayor_quimby

          I will call that piccolo player a mutherfucker!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I dunno, he reminds me of Anthony Weiner when Anthony Weiner was still an assemblyman. You know, before he got all cocky.

      • no_gravity

        Played the skin flute.

      • Esteev

        He's just on the look out for a bear that will erode his rights.

    • UW8316154

      He's better watch out for ducks coming up from behind.

  • OzoneTom

    There was also a debate between Donnelly and Morlock last night. Not as much fun as this one though it did include the Libertarian candidate.

    • eggsacklywright

      I thought it was between Morlock and the Eloi?

      • nounverb911

        Needs more Yvette Mimieux.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    He's got a face only a mother could love and only after 5 gin and tonics.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Have his testicles even dropped yet?

    • elviouslyqueer

      If by that you mean "straight into Tucker Carlson's mouth," then yes.

    • kittensdontlie

      If he had them, they wouldn't have.

    • mrpuma2u

      Does he need to shave everyday??

      • BadKitty904

        Hey, now!

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Sorry, Josh (you lying fuckstick), I'm voting for Sherrod.
    ~

    • ufr980

      Mandel's likeability has been below water this entire election cycle. For a war vet who has won a House seat and a state office, that's an impressive feat. There is no amount of Tower City money that will get him elected.

  • YouBetcha

    Your move, Marcus.

  • nounverb911

    That's his Bar Mitzvah photo, right?

    • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

      Glee audition pic.

    • Esteev

      Catholic High School ID card photo.

      • bureaucrap

        Perhaps he went to the Catholic high school after hours to comfort the priest, but still… "Josh Mandel." Nice Jewish boy. Good family. Pity about the republican thing.

        • BadKitty904

          That Stockholm Syndrome is a bitch…

        • Esteev

          So, you're saying he's part of the media! Ah HA!

  • Lot_49

    OT, but everyone should rush right out and buy a copy of today's WSJ and flip immediately to Section 4, where they can read a tasty expose about ear wax removal.

    What a fine, fine thing the Daily Rupert has become….

  • Goonemeritus

    If there is a war on coal, isn’t time for coal to declared victory. Coal has been kicking our collective ass for 300 years.

    • ph7

      300 years and what do you get?

      • Jimmyone

        …Fifteen tons and a pile of debt?

  • YouBetcha

    I'm pretty sure he once carried my uncle Bruce's luggage through the airport.

    • ph7

      Well I see a face coming through the haze,
      I remember him from those crazy days.

      • Indiepalin

        Bellboy…

        • Lot_49

          Today's bellboy is tomorrow's rentboy

    • PhilippePetain

      Haha: "Uncle Bruce."

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Is he actually, literally, wet behind the ears?

    • YouFail4eva

      Please don't make me check. After having to see Rmoney's taint, I don't think I can handle it any more!

  • SexySmurf

    There is a War on Coal

    And Mandel wants to burn it all to save it.

    • kittensdontlie

      When the Natural Gas Robber Barons start contributing to his campaign, he will fight their war too.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Josh "I love women as playthings who can not make decisions without a man, but I'm not in love with women."

    • Esteev

      He must gets his policy decisions from Bryan Fischer.

    • BadKitty904

      He/She honestly looks like a girl in guy-drag…

      • DCBloom

        She's a lesbian

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    The only way that guy is 35 is if his mom kept him in a jar of formaldahyde for 12 of those years. I'm 36 and I have the urge to yell at him to get off my lawn.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      It's OK.
      I have the urge to punch him in the throat.

  • CrunchyKnee

    I can't fap to that.

    • YouFail4eva

      But if you can't fap to that, what can you fap to?

  • kyeshinka

    Where's the keg, bro?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Lame C-Span video. Besides the no-embed douchiness, it didn't show Josh's wife who was sitting ever so proudly in her hopsack burqa, obvs.

  • eggsacklywright

    Mandel-brot his special vision thing.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Senator Brown should have turned to Mandel and screamed "IS THAT A PLEDGE PIN ON YOUR UNIFORM????"

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      You mean Josh never got the GPA up enough to do the initiation?

    • bureaucrap

      Pledge pin still makes him too old. "Is that your cub scout troop insignia"?

  • eggsacklywright

    Warren coal is not as good as Warren Pease.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      But better than mushy peas.

      • Esteev

        I'm still wishing for Whirled Peas.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Paul Ryan is the prototype for these guys now? I prefer that my elected official candidates not look like mortician trainees.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Does look like he embalmed himself. Gotta watch drinking too much of that formaldehyde. You'll get pickled like nobody's business.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      Ah, memories of Mr. Joyboy dancing around his mother's bed with a turkey on a platter: "Mama's little baby loves shortnin', shortnin' Mama's little baby loves shortnin' bread!"

      • BadKitty904

        Dude, wth?

        • eggsacklywright

          The Loved One, one of my all-time fav movies. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059410/

          • bobbert

            Me too. The American way of death, before the book.

        • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

          That's exactly what I thought when I first saw this scene!

  • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

    He looks like he loves men also, too.

    • BadKitty904

      Yes, he does. Which is what's making me really uncomfortable.

  • JustPixelz

    In the clip he said his wife "has been Iraq to me". Fellas, if you want to win a woman's heart, don't liken her to a country. Especially one that Dubya Bush invaded to prove he has a bigger cock than his father. Women hate that.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      True. Norway you should do that. You have to Sweden the pot.

    • PsycWench

      On the other hand, if my husband compared me to a beautiful city, I might be down with that. Preferably a mythical city with no crime or slums.

      • MrsConclusion

        Like Oz?

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Shangri-La, more likely.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            "My Shangri-La beneath the summer moon! I will return agaaaiiin…"

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      He thought he would be welcomed with open arms, but soon found himself in a quagmire. To find an Exit Strategy, he should consult with Mark Sanford or Newt Gingrich.

    • eggsacklywright

      Why is he talking about his wife's rack?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Possibly because he likes to sweat the small stuff?

  • FakaktaSouth

    It seems to me that Sherrod Brown's gravelly grumbley voice alone could come out of his body and swallow this real-life claymation figure whole, much less the actual intellect and force behind it. I like him and his wife very much. Josh here looks just like a Mr Bill character, no? all doughy and gross? and I would very much like to squash him – yada yada splat, yada yada votes.

  • PsycWench

    I am familiar with this category of young man, although I usually get them a little younger. They haven't listened to anyone else since they were about 15, and then they don't understand why everyone's mad at them.

    • BadKitty904

      SPOT on!

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      u mad?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    So we guess you all are the War on Coal’s privates!

    I've got the briquettes to prove it.

  • eggsacklywright

    He looks like one of them Jehovah's Witless.

    • BadKitty904

      Or Doug Niedermeyer's little brother…

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Ohio Senate Candidate Josh Mandel

    That would violate the separation of jerk and state!

  • SorosBot

    Regionals are this close!

    • YouFail4eva

      Ooh, but you lost in the semis. Tough luck Feckless State, but I'm sure you'll be able ot make it next year. Thanks for playing!

  • HempDogbane

    Winner, 2012 Ralph Reed Lookalike Contest. Also douchy on the inside, just like Ralph.

  • JustPixelz

    Repubican platform pledges to be as helpful to women as a urinal.

    Repubican governing on women's issues makes the case for the Equal Rights Amendment.

    This reminds me of the debate when Michele Bachmann said "I'd like to recognize my wife Marcus".

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    when he thundered

    OBjection. The witness states an impossibility. That boy couldn't thunder if you stuck lightning up his ass.

  • elviouslyqueer

    IMPORTANT OT for Memphis-area Wonketteers: the Majestic Grille downtown is hosting a debate-watching party tonight from 7:30 to 9:30. Free hors-d'ouevres and cash bar, with proceeds going to Planned Parenthood. Get your drink on while watching Barry kick robot ass. BE THERE.

  • Esteev

    I wonder if he got started as a Congressional page.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Bookmarked and everything!

      • Esteev

        Earmarked, also.

    • BadKitty904

      "Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?"

      • Esteev

        "Yes! And my women subservient."

      • MosesInvests

        Josh, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Ask Mark Foley.

  • emmelemm

    That photo is like the dictionary definition of "whippersnapper".

    Highly punchable face, also, too.

    • Mapmonger

      They call it Backpfeifengesicht.

      • MosesInvests

        PaDa"Mnik in Hebrew.

        • Mapmonger

          I KNEW that Yiddish was rich enough to have such a word.

    • YouFail4eva

      with votes, right?

      • emmelemm

        Obviously! But of course!

  • kittensdontlie

    Yes sadly, Ohio is full of these people like Mandel, and wingtards and the undecideds that voted for him.

  • Estproph

    Why isn't he wearing a bow tie?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    That is not the candidate — that's actually a photo of Mary Gross playing Alfalfa from the old SNL, right?

    ETA: Just in case you want to check — she's about half a dozen pics down.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I sure hope he doesn't come to the same tragic end as Alfalfa. That would be wrong. Except with votes, of course.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        He sure does reek of Alfalfa, doesn't he? Just like the Jug-Eared Bat.

    • eggsacklywright

      Jeez, I always thought Mary Gross was really cute.

  • eggsacklywright

    Oooh, tell us a story.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Why isn’t he running for president? Republicans really dropped the ball on this one.

    • OurHoboSenator

      If he wins the Senate race, he'll be running for President by November 10

  • Lot_49

    Coal mining has such a rich history of social awareness and giving back to the communities where it operates that it's no wonder there's grass roots resistance to ending our carbon-dependency in its purest form.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Giving back, particularly to undertakers.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Looks kinda Mormon-y to me.

  • jodyleek

    "Look, Mommy! I made a dookie in the big boy potty!"

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    2012: Year of the Twink

    • Esteev

      2013: Revenge of the Bears

  • Doktor Zoom

    He was OK on St Elsewhere, but I haven't liked him a bit since then.

  • An_Outhouse

    I killed some coal yesterday. I got a boo boo on my finger doing it. Purple heart for me?

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    Oh, shucks, I already voted, for Brown. I guess I should have waited for the debate before voting.

  • T3rbo

    Oh, so intolerable. Marine Corps Intelligence officer, Tea Party candidate, and JD all at the same time, how could anyone be more obnoxious? He is probably the toughest, smartest person in the whole world, and he has come to rescue America from itself. Mr. Mandel needs an ass kicking from the universe and he probably thinks he will never get one because he is so blessed

    • BadKitty904

      Nice summation…

  • Esteev

    You know, this jerkoff's beliefs are starting to really bother me. I have quite a few friends his age and younger that have latched their wagon to the GOP supernova and I can't wait to point, laugh and say "Told ya so" when it explodes.

    Also, too, when I ask them "Why?" they always say "Because Obama hasn't done anything."

    I usually respond with a query about the upcoming football game or reality TeeVee program.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      My stock response is "Tell your wife/mother/girlfriend equal pay for equal work is 'nothing,' then get back to me after your hospital discharge."

  • HelmutNewton

    "Women? Ewww! Women are icky!"

  • Terry

    His last name really should be Niedermayer.

  • fawkedifiknow

    He doesn't even know his own collar size, judging from the picture.

  • oenspiek

    That pic will infest my dreams. It's straight out of 'Terror of the Autons.'

  • rickmaci

    Looks pretty much like he did in high school

    • Nostrildamus

      Thumbs up for your avatar!

  • GregComlish

    If I was Josh Mandel, I'd be more concerned with the War on Twinks

  • Dudleydidwrong

    My God, they brought Kenny back to life and he's running for some office!

  • Allmighty_Manos

    “I have a wife and a mom! JERBS!” = I suck cock

  • BoroPrimorac

    It's amazing what a bit of Koch cash can do, isn't it?

  • Biff

    Crazy is sexay, though!

  • a_pink_poodle

    I'm not sexist, I have many black friends!

  • MLite

    Worth a hate f'ck.

  • barto

    I think he would make a good Clearasil ad, at least.

  • PubOption

    Is his right ear bigger than his left ear?

  • ttommyunger

    Obviously Officer Material.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    Holy Shit! A Republican who actually served in the military? Fuckin' A. Talk about your rara avis in extremis. Wow, between him and Allan West that's two!

  • DocChaos

    Is that the kid from the Transformers movie?