OF COURSE HE'S PROLIFE HE IS A FETUS  10:54 am October 16, 2012

Ohio Senate Candidate Josh Mandel Loves Women So Much, Has A Mom And Wife And Everything

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

ABORT ABORT ABORTGood times on the ol’ SPAN last night, as Ohio state Treasurer/debate club fetus TOOK IT to Senator Sherrod Brown, and by “took it to” we mean yelled his talking points with awesome macho frowning and stuff. Did you know that Josh Mandel served his country in Iraq? It is true, he did, though how he managed not to take a dose of friendly fire from his fellow troops who must have LOVED him is beyond what our puny mortal brains can understand. We think the first time he mentioned his service was in response to a Muslim fellow asking why he had run anti-Muslim ads against an opponent. The answer to that was “Iraq and ladies rights, don’t we all agree HENGHHH?” Then there was his answer to ladies’ rights HERE (clip not embeddable, FUCK YOU, SPAN!), to which his answer was “I have a wife and a mom! JERBS!” Dude, so suavay.

Anyhoo, it seems Josh Mandel is actually 35 years old, and not his high school’s debate club president who’s TOTALLY GONNA GO TO REGIONALS, so that’s adorable. Also adorable? His SOARING ORATORY when he thundered that “There is a War on Coal, and Barack Obama is its general and Sherrod Brown is one of his main lieutenants!” So we guess you all are the War on Coal’s privates! Thank you for your service.

[CSpan]

 
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{ 145 comments }

elviouslyqueer October 16, 2012 at 10:58 am

Oh girl, please.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 11:00 am

Dang. You're not kidding.

That twink's a walking band-camp story…

nounverb911 October 16, 2012 at 11:02 am

He plays the piccolo?

Terry October 16, 2012 at 11:28 am

Borrowing from The Big Bang Theory, he's a clarinet enthusiast.

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 11:32 am

So he prefers snails to oysters, to borrow the Spartacus trope?

mayor_quimby October 16, 2012 at 11:40 am

I will call that piccolo player a mutherfucker!

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 11:06 am

I dunno, he reminds me of Anthony Weiner when Anthony Weiner was still an assemblyman. You know, before he got all cocky.

no_gravity October 16, 2012 at 11:11 am

Played the skin flute.

Esteev October 16, 2012 at 11:13 am

He's just on the look out for a bear that will erode his rights.

UW8316154 October 16, 2012 at 11:26 am

He's better watch out for ducks coming up from behind.

OzoneTom October 16, 2012 at 10:58 am

There was also a debate between Donnelly and Morlock last night. Not as much fun as this one though it did include the Libertarian candidate.

eggsacklywright October 16, 2012 at 11:02 am

I thought it was between Morlock and the Eloi?

nounverb911 October 16, 2012 at 11:04 am

Needs more Yvette Mimieux.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 16, 2012 at 10:59 am

He's got a face only a mother could love and only after 5 gin and tonics.

ProgressiveInga October 16, 2012 at 10:59 am

Have his testicles even dropped yet?

elviouslyqueer October 16, 2012 at 11:08 am

If by that you mean "straight into Tucker Carlson's mouth," then yes.

kittensdontlie October 16, 2012 at 11:21 am

If he had them, they wouldn't have.

mrpuma2u October 16, 2012 at 11:29 am

Does he need to shave everyday??

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 11:32 am

Hey, now!

ifthethunderdontgetya October 16, 2012 at 11:00 am

Sorry, Josh (you lying fuckstick), I'm voting for Sherrod.
~

ufr980 October 16, 2012 at 11:54 am

Mandel's likeability has been below water this entire election cycle. For a war vet who has won a House seat and a state office, that's an impressive feat. There is no amount of Tower City money that will get him elected.

YouBetcha October 16, 2012 at 11:00 am

Your move, Marcus.

nounverb911 October 16, 2012 at 11:01 am

That's his Bar Mitzvah photo, right?

ChillBill October 16, 2012 at 11:07 am

Glee audition pic.

Esteev October 16, 2012 at 11:14 am

Catholic High School ID card photo.

bureaucrap October 16, 2012 at 11:19 am

Perhaps he went to the Catholic high school after hours to comfort the priest, but still… "Josh Mandel." Nice Jewish boy. Good family. Pity about the republican thing.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 11:22 am

That Stockholm Syndrome is a bitch…

Esteev October 16, 2012 at 11:47 am

So, you're saying he's part of the media! Ah HA!

Lot_49 October 16, 2012 at 11:01 am

OT, but everyone should rush right out and buy a copy of today's WSJ and flip immediately to Section 4, where they can read a tasty expose about ear wax removal.

What a fine, fine thing the Daily Rupert has become….

Goonemeritus October 16, 2012 at 11:01 am

If there is a war on coal, isn’t time for coal to declared victory. Coal has been kicking our collective ass for 300 years.

ph7 October 16, 2012 at 11:17 am

300 years and what do you get?

Jimmyone October 16, 2012 at 11:23 am

…Fifteen tons and a pile of debt?

YouBetcha October 16, 2012 at 11:02 am

I'm pretty sure he once carried my uncle Bruce's luggage through the airport.

ph7 October 16, 2012 at 11:08 am

Well I see a face coming through the haze,
I remember him from those crazy days.

Indiepalin October 16, 2012 at 11:11 am

Bellboy…

Lot_49 October 16, 2012 at 11:12 am

Today's bellboy is tomorrow's rentboy

PhilippePetain October 16, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Haha: "Uncle Bruce."

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 11:02 am

Is he actually, literally, wet behind the ears?

YouFail4eva October 16, 2012 at 11:40 am

Please don't make me check. After having to see Rmoney's taint, I don't think I can handle it any more!

SexySmurf October 16, 2012 at 11:03 am

There is a War on Coal

And Mandel wants to burn it all to save it.

kittensdontlie October 16, 2012 at 11:35 am

When the Natural Gas Robber Barons start contributing to his campaign, he will fight their war too.

ManchuCandidate October 16, 2012 at 11:03 am

Josh "I love women as playthings who can not make decisions without a man, but I'm not in love with women."

Esteev October 16, 2012 at 11:32 am

He must gets his policy decisions from Bryan Fischer.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 11:34 am

He/She honestly looks like a girl in guy-drag…

DCBloom October 16, 2012 at 12:13 pm

She's a lesbian

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 16, 2012 at 11:03 am

The only way that guy is 35 is if his mom kept him in a jar of formaldahyde for 12 of those years. I'm 36 and I have the urge to yell at him to get off my lawn.

DemmeFatale October 16, 2012 at 5:44 pm

It's OK.
I have the urge to punch him in the throat.

CrunchyKnee October 16, 2012 at 11:03 am

I can't fap to that.

YouFail4eva October 16, 2012 at 11:41 am

But if you can't fap to that, what can you fap to?

kyeshinka October 16, 2012 at 11:03 am

Where's the keg, bro?

weejee October 16, 2012 at 11:04 am

Lame C-Span video. Besides the no-embed douchiness, it didn't show Josh's wife who was sitting ever so proudly in her hopsack burqa, obvs.

eggsacklywright October 16, 2012 at 11:04 am

Mandel-brot his special vision thing.

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 11:05 am

Senator Brown should have turned to Mandel and screamed "IS THAT A PLEDGE PIN ON YOUR UNIFORM????"

weejee October 16, 2012 at 11:10 am

You mean Josh never got the GPA up enough to do the initiation?

bureaucrap October 16, 2012 at 11:21 am

Pledge pin still makes him too old. "Is that your cub scout troop insignia"?

eggsacklywright October 16, 2012 at 11:05 am

Warren coal is not as good as Warren Pease.

weejee October 16, 2012 at 11:10 am

But better than mushy peas.

Esteev October 16, 2012 at 11:33 am

I'm still wishing for Whirled Peas.

Chet Kincaid_ October 16, 2012 at 11:05 am

Paul Ryan is the prototype for these guys now? I prefer that my elected official candidates not look like mortician trainees.

weejee October 16, 2012 at 11:12 am

Does look like he embalmed himself. Gotta watch drinking too much of that formaldehyde. You'll get pickled like nobody's business.

deanbooth October 16, 2012 at 11:22 am

Ah, memories of Mr. Joyboy dancing around his mother's bed with a turkey on a platter: "Mama's little baby loves shortnin', shortnin' Mama's little baby loves shortnin' bread!"

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 11:25 am

Dude, wth?

eggsacklywright October 16, 2012 at 12:26 pm

The Loved One, one of my all-time fav movies. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059410/

bobbert October 16, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Me too. The American way of death, before the book.

deanbooth October 16, 2012 at 7:21 pm

That's exactly what I thought when I first saw this scene!

ChillBill October 16, 2012 at 11:05 am

He looks like he loves men also, too.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 11:25 am

Yes, he does. Which is what's making me really uncomfortable.

JustPixelz October 16, 2012 at 11:05 am

In the clip he said his wife "has been Iraq to me". Fellas, if you want to win a woman's heart, don't liken her to a country. Especially one that Dubya Bush invaded to prove he has a bigger cock than his father. Women hate that.

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 11:09 am

True. Norway you should do that. You have to Sweden the pot.

PsycWench October 16, 2012 at 11:09 am

On the other hand, if my husband compared me to a beautiful city, I might be down with that. Preferably a mythical city with no crime or slums.

MrsConclusion October 16, 2012 at 11:14 am

Like Oz?

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 11:17 am

Shangri-La, more likely.

Chet Kincaid_ October 16, 2012 at 11:31 am

"My Shangri-La beneath the summer moon! I will return agaaaiiin…"

Chet Kincaid_ October 16, 2012 at 11:12 am

He thought he would be welcomed with open arms, but soon found himself in a quagmire. To find an Exit Strategy, he should consult with Mark Sanford or Newt Gingrich.

eggsacklywright October 16, 2012 at 11:23 am

Why is he talking about his wife's rack?

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 11:36 am

Possibly because he likes to sweat the small stuff?

FakaktaSouth October 16, 2012 at 11:07 am

It seems to me that Sherrod Brown's gravelly grumbley voice alone could come out of his body and swallow this real-life claymation figure whole, much less the actual intellect and force behind it. I like him and his wife very much. Josh here looks just like a Mr Bill character, no? all doughy and gross? and I would very much like to squash him – yada yada splat, yada yada votes.

PsycWench October 16, 2012 at 11:07 am

I am familiar with this category of young man, although I usually get them a little younger. They haven't listened to anyone else since they were about 15, and then they don't understand why everyone's mad at them.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 11:26 am

SPOT on!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 16, 2012 at 11:29 am

u mad?

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 11:08 am

So we guess you all are the War on Coal’s privates!

I've got the briquettes to prove it.

eggsacklywright October 16, 2012 at 11:08 am

He looks like one of them Jehovah's Witless.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 11:28 am

Or Doug Niedermeyer's little brother…

Joshua Norton October 16, 2012 at 11:08 am

Ohio Senate Candidate Josh Mandel

That would violate the separation of jerk and state!

SorosBot October 16, 2012 at 11:09 am

Regionals are this close!

YouFail4eva October 16, 2012 at 11:43 am

Ooh, but you lost in the semis. Tough luck Feckless State, but I'm sure you'll be able ot make it next year. Thanks for playing!

HempDogbane October 16, 2012 at 11:10 am

Winner, 2012 Ralph Reed Lookalike Contest. Also douchy on the inside, just like Ralph.

JustPixelz October 16, 2012 at 11:10 am

Repubican platform pledges to be as helpful to women as a urinal.

Repubican governing on women's issues makes the case for the Equal Rights Amendment.

This reminds me of the debate when Michele Bachmann said "I'd like to recognize my wife Marcus".

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 11:11 am

when he thundered

OBjection. The witness states an impossibility. That boy couldn't thunder if you stuck lightning up his ass.

Chet Kincaid_ October 16, 2012 at 11:17 am

Well, here's his debate prep! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lz3u0hPOTqw
(Mmm, Miss Crabtree…)

elviouslyqueer October 16, 2012 at 11:12 am

IMPORTANT OT for Memphis-area Wonketteers: the Majestic Grille downtown is hosting a debate-watching party tonight from 7:30 to 9:30. Free hors-d'ouevres and cash bar, with proceeds going to Planned Parenthood. Get your drink on while watching Barry kick robot ass. BE THERE.

Esteev October 16, 2012 at 11:16 am

I wonder if he got started as a Congressional page.

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 11:20 am

Bookmarked and everything!

Esteev October 16, 2012 at 11:33 am

Earmarked, also.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 11:30 am

"Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?"

Esteev October 16, 2012 at 11:33 am

"Yes! And my women subservient."

MosesInvests October 16, 2012 at 11:58 am

Josh, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 16, 2012 at 11:39 am

Ask Mark Foley.

emmelemm October 16, 2012 at 11:16 am

That photo is like the dictionary definition of "whippersnapper".

Highly punchable face, also, too.

Mapmonger October 16, 2012 at 11:21 am

They call it Backpfeifengesicht.

MosesInvests October 16, 2012 at 11:59 am

PaDa"Mnik in Hebrew.

Mapmonger October 16, 2012 at 12:22 pm

I KNEW that Yiddish was rich enough to have such a word.

YouFail4eva October 16, 2012 at 11:44 am

with votes, right?

emmelemm October 16, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Obviously! But of course!

kittensdontlie October 16, 2012 at 11:16 am

Yes sadly, Ohio is full of these people like Mandel, and wingtards and the undecideds that voted for him.

Estproph October 16, 2012 at 11:18 am

Why isn't he wearing a bow tie?

SayItWithWookies October 16, 2012 at 11:19 am

That is not the candidate — that's actually a photo of Mary Gross playing Alfalfa from the old SNL, right?

ETA: Just in case you want to check — she's about half a dozen pics down.

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 11:25 am

I sure hope he doesn't come to the same tragic end as Alfalfa. That would be wrong. Except with votes, of course.

Chet Kincaid_ October 16, 2012 at 11:29 am

He sure does reek of Alfalfa, doesn't he? Just like the Jug-Eared Bat.

eggsacklywright October 16, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Jeez, I always thought Mary Gross was really cute.

eggsacklywright October 16, 2012 at 11:19 am

Oooh, tell us a story.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 16, 2012 at 11:19 am

Why isn’t he running for president? Republicans really dropped the ball on this one.

OurHoboSenator October 16, 2012 at 4:47 pm

If he wins the Senate race, he'll be running for President by November 10

Lot_49 October 16, 2012 at 11:19 am

Coal mining has such a rich history of social awareness and giving back to the communities where it operates that it's no wonder there's grass roots resistance to ending our carbon-dependency in its purest form.

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 11:20 am

Giving back, particularly to undertakers.

Oblios_Cap October 16, 2012 at 11:19 am

Looks kinda Mormon-y to me.

jodyleek October 16, 2012 at 11:20 am

"Look, Mommy! I made a dookie in the big boy potty!"

mrblifil October 16, 2012 at 11:21 am

2012: Year of the Twink

Esteev October 16, 2012 at 12:04 pm

2013: Revenge of the Bears

Doktor Zoom October 16, 2012 at 11:22 am

He was OK on St Elsewhere, but I haven't liked him a bit since then.

An_Outhouse October 16, 2012 at 11:24 am

I killed some coal yesterday. I got a boo boo on my finger doing it. Purple heart for me?

deanbooth October 16, 2012 at 11:25 am

Oh, shucks, I already voted, for Brown. I guess I should have waited for the debate before voting.

T3rbo October 16, 2012 at 11:25 am

Oh, so intolerable. Marine Corps Intelligence officer, Tea Party candidate, and JD all at the same time, how could anyone be more obnoxious? He is probably the toughest, smartest person in the whole world, and he has come to rescue America from itself. Mr. Mandel needs an ass kicking from the universe and he probably thinks he will never get one because he is so blessed

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 11:37 am

Nice summation…

Esteev October 16, 2012 at 11:27 am

You know, this jerkoff's beliefs are starting to really bother me. I have quite a few friends his age and younger that have latched their wagon to the GOP supernova and I can't wait to point, laugh and say "Told ya so" when it explodes.

Also, too, when I ask them "Why?" they always say "Because Obama hasn't done anything."

I usually respond with a query about the upcoming football game or reality TeeVee program.

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 12:14 pm

My stock response is "Tell your wife/mother/girlfriend equal pay for equal work is 'nothing,' then get back to me after your hospital discharge."

HelmutNewton October 16, 2012 at 11:30 am

"Women? Ewww! Women are icky!"

Terry October 16, 2012 at 11:33 am

His last name really should be Niedermayer.

fawkedifiknow October 16, 2012 at 11:34 am

He doesn't even know his own collar size, judging from the picture.

oenspiek October 16, 2012 at 11:35 am

That pic will infest my dreams. It's straight out of 'Terror of the Autons.'

rickmaci October 16, 2012 at 11:55 am

Looks pretty much like he did in high school

Nostrildamus October 16, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Thumbs up for your avatar!

GregComlish October 16, 2012 at 11:58 am

If I was Josh Mandel, I'd be more concerned with the War on Twinks

Dudleydidwrong October 16, 2012 at 12:06 pm

My God, they brought Kenny back to life and he's running for some office!

Allmighty_Manos October 16, 2012 at 12:06 pm

“I have a wife and a mom! JERBS!” = I suck cock

BoroPrimorac October 16, 2012 at 12:16 pm

It's amazing what a bit of Koch cash can do, isn't it?

Biff October 16, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Crazy is sexay, though!

a_pink_poodle October 16, 2012 at 12:43 pm

I'm not sexist, I have many black friends!

MLite October 16, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Worth a hate f'ck.

barto October 16, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I think he would make a good Clearasil ad, at least.

PubOption October 16, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Is his right ear bigger than his left ear?

ttommyunger October 16, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Obviously Officer Material.

Wile E. Quixote October 16, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Holy Shit! A Republican who actually served in the military? Fuckin' A. Talk about your rara avis in extremis. Wow, between him and Allan West that's two!

DocChaos October 16, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Is that the kid from the Transformers movie?

WhatTheHeck October 16, 2012 at 12:11 pm

But only in a Roman public bath

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