schlock and awe

George W. Bush Will Paint You Like One Of His French Girls

Something to aspire toLess than ten years ago, President George W. “W.” Bush was pulling down Saddam Hussein statues and landing Mission Accomplished jets on things. Now, according to a new profile, he spends his time painting pictures of puppies.

Alas, poor Yorick!

Many former presidents, isolated by their notoriety, have famously taken up solitary hobbies: Thomas Jefferson invented chemotherapy, Andrew Jackson made quilts of human flesh. Dubya, now, watches Bob Ross videos and puts up introspective away messages on AOL Instant Messenger (“Message me :-/”).

From Politico:

Bush has started painting, mostly portraits of dogs and arid Texas landscapes, according to New York Magazine. The 43rd president has plenty of material: He owns a 1,583-acre ranch near Crawford, Texas, and two Scottish Terriers, Barney and Miss Beazley.

Well, no wonder he’s painting the dogs — what else can you do with a terrier named Miss Beazley? Teddy Roosevelt never painted anything, probably because Baron Spreckle the hen and Fighting Bob Evans the guinea pig would have punched him square in the mustaches.

Much of the New York profile focuses on other members of the Bush brood, mostly Jeb, and how sad he is to have had his ambitions wrecked by a gigazmo deficit and two wars with his last name stamped on them:

The late Ted Kennedy famously said “the dream”—of his brothers—would “never die”; for Jeb, that’s precisely the problem.

Thanks, however, are in order for the underappreciated Politico scribe who read it for us, because it is Very Long, and spends quite a while on Jeb’s “aquiline nose” and how his mom has jowls, and who can be reading all that when there are enthralling stories to be absorbed about Paul Ryan washing dishes.

The rest of the piece, our smarter friends tell us, looks at how Jeb is so clever for not going out of his mind during the tea party invasion:

If you took Jeb Bush at face value, it might look as if he were throwing in the towel on American politics. “Here’s what I heard him say,” says a former official in Bush 43’s White House. “ ‘Fuck this.’ That’s what I heard. ‘This has gotten ­crazy, and I don’t want any part of this.’ ”

Ah! A reasonable fellow! If you ignore that Terri Schaivo thing, a mostly reasonable fellow! Thank goodness this hero has been saying “Fuck this” very quietly while maniacs charged into Washington waving “Don’t Tread On Me” flags and before they proceeded to tread on anything they could get their treaders near, because liberty.

Anyway, obviously the most important part of the piece is that W. is getting “increasingly agoraphobic,” but that we should still keep an eye out for his beautiful art in a flag-draped gallery somewhere, hanging between a Jon McNaughton painting and an effigy of Osama bin Laden, whom Mitt Romney killed.

[New York via Politico]

Comments

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  • Terry

    " Teddy Roosevelt never painted anything, probably because Baron Spreckle the hen and Fighting Bob Evans the guinea pig would have punched him square in the mustaches."

    Teddy Roosevelt also had people in this world who liked and cared about him, unlike GWB.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      And Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole.

      • UW8316154

        Plate of shrimp.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Not in New York.

        • DahBoner

          Sheboygan!!!

      • Crank_Tango

        I always wondered if his el dorado was really the color of an avocado.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Teddy wins for best pet names! He also had a garter snake named Emily Spinach, cats named Tom Quartz and Slippers, and in addition to Fighting Bob Evans, he had other guinea pigs named Dr. Johnson, Bishop Doane, Admiral Dewey, and Father O'Grady.

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        That Dewey?

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          Not that Dewey.

          • eggsacklywright

            Dewey Gland.

  • noodlesalad

    George O. Queef

  • ttommyunger

    I'm frankly surprised he can let go of his dick long enough to hold a brush, or anything else, for that matter.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Don't you mean, "his drink"?

      • ttommyunger

        Yeah, prolly Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

      • HistoriCat

        It's not like he needs two hands for his dick.

    • eggsacklywright

      Laura would make a good still-life.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        Wonder if W could do one of his dogs playing poker for me. Or golf, I really like those.

      • ttommyunger

        …and door-stop, don't forget door-stop.

    • Crank_Tango

      Maybe he paints with his dick?

      • ttommyunger

        Miniatures, no doubt.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

      • tessiee

        No wonder the trees look like happy little trees.

  • BadKitty904

    It's my understanding that a lot of war criminals become "agoraphobic" (i.e., hide out)…

    • Terry

      Too bad GWB didn't follow the pattern and run to South America.

      • BadKitty904

        That's prolly 'cause "browns" frighten him. Plus, if he fled to Latin America, he'd have to learn Latin and all…

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          He speaks enough Spanish to get by down there. "Llévame al compuesto de los oligarcas, y conducir más rápido si usted choca con algún campesino."

          • thatsitfortheother1

            ¿Donde esta los WMDs?

          • tessiee

            Muh-pleeze.
            Peggy HIll speaks better Spanish than Bush.

          • Negropolis

            Zing!

        • Generation[redacted]

          There's a brazillion reasons why he wouldn't move down there.

      • Lot_49

        Didn't the Bush family establish some hideout/family compound/criminal lair in Paraguay?

        Must not have had time to work out the non-extradition treaty with Stroessner.

      • Biff

        Specifically, Brazil.

        Hey, maybe he can protect us from those scary bloggers!

        • eggsacklywright

          Brazilians come in, Brazilians go out, can't explain it.

    • http://citizenfuturist.wordpress.com/ RufusTFirefly

      "Is it safe?"

      • Yellerdawg

        Depends on how hot they get the wax.

    • An_Outhouse

      Sometimes the war criminals commit suicide in bunkers. Too bad GW is NOT just like Hitler.

      • glamourdammerung

        Hitler libel!

        At least the Nazis had a relatively coherent foreign policy. But I guess it just boils down to what mix of evil and incompetent one prefers.

    • Anne_Athema

      I think in this case it is not so much agoraphobia, but more that pesky lil' war criminal thingy.

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    Can we please just go back to not hearing jack shit about GWB? I much prefer it that way.

    • Negropolis

      Believe it or not, I'd much rather hear about him than either that insufferable Romney or Ryan. I just want to pat Dubya on his head and offer him some "why bless his heart"s and then send him to prison.

      I want to strangle the other two…with votes.

      • Generation[redacted]

        I dunno. I wouldn't mind a story about how Romney and Ryan are hiding out somewhere, painting puppies. That would be good news.

        • tessiee

          "a story about how Romney and Ryan are hiding out somewhere, painting puppies."

          Given Romney's history, his idea of "painting puppies" probably involves picking up a brush and smearing paint onto an actual puppy.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      I once thought I missed hearing teh funneh about Sarah Palin, but no, her absence is actually preferred.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Oh, but this is just the time to be bringing him up — especially now that all the empire builders and PNAC alumni are hoping to sprout up little Green Zones in capitals all over the Middle East.

    • TheGyrus

      No,because we must Never Forget(TM) what happens when you elect a shitty president because he reminds you of your beer-drinking buddies.

    • Bezoar

      I agree, but would make an exception for hearing that he'd been renditioned to The Hague. With a black bag on his head.

    • glamourdammerung

      I would love to hear about him all day long if only because of how much it makes the Party of Limbaugh cry.

  • SwanSwanH

    Happy little bushes.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      "We don't torture terrists, we have happy little electrocutins' "

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Bush painted both of his dogs this past weekend, but both had to be rushed to an emergency veterinary clinic where they were completely shaved and washed with solvents.

    • BadKitty904

      Laura remains hold up in the barricaded wine cellar.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        The "Safe Room."

    • eggsacklywright

      Paint by numbers more likely.

      • Nostrildamus

        Not for the innumerate.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      W: "Hey Laura, I got some paint! I'm gonna paint the dogs."

      time passes. paint-covered dogs run in.

      Laura: "Oh, George."

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Oh, like you've never done that…

  • Negropolis

    Someone needs to tell Curious George that fingerpainting doesn't count.

    Needz moar crying bald eagles.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Amazing how uninteresting someone becomes after he is no longer Dick Cheney's chief stooge.

    • BadKitty904

      puppet – puppet-master = ?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      "Becomes"?

    • sayprettyplease

      They should get back together and go on a hunting trip.

    • kittensdontlie

      Like Lamb Chop without Shari Lewis.

  • Toomush_Infer

    I think he should focus on limp watches, just because….

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    BTW, is there some kind of a debate or something on TV tonight?

    • Negropolis

      Yes. I hear Obama is going to up his admonitions from "tut, tut"s to "tsk, tsk"s. That should do it, right?

      • HateMachine

        Sorry, but he won't get through to undecideds with anything short of yelling "How about fuck off, Mittens!" and then throwing the mic in slow mo to strike Mitt directly between the eyes.

        • Negropolis

          I honestly want to see him pull a Biden, look straight at Romney and then the crowd, and then puts up his hands in defeat and shouts at them "Really? Are you really about to do this? Seriously? This guy?! What a bunch of stuff!" And then just exist stage left.

          • BadKitty904

            Me and my beau are hoping Bamz opens his reasoned discourse with a flying kick…

          • mayor_quimby

            Last debate, I said Biden was giving him the "This fucking guy…" look.
            As far as opening moves, I suggest an arm-bar or a standing d'arce choke http://www.ehow.com/video_5273988_standing-d_arce
            Shhhh, shhh, nighty night, Mittens…

        • UW8316154

          But then the media machine would be setting up Facebook accounts "Like if you think Obama was rude and arrogant last night" because, well, black.

          • Toomush_Infer

            So?….

          • BadKitty904

            How many ways you think they can say "uppity" without saying "uppity"?

          • Negropolis

            We sure have been a witness to the ways this past four years, huh? They still have few more left in them.

            I'm still trying to figure out how they are going to react when the president pulls back comfortably into the lead (god willing)? 'Cause god knows they finally got the horserace they wanted. Will they graciously give up the ghost, or will they try and pull Romney across the finish line?

          • BadKitty904

            They'll do whatever helps them sell the most advertising.

          • tessiee

            I don't disagree, but let's face it — the people who are going to criticize President Obama no matter what he does have only two settings, "too weak" and "not weak enough" — and they're a lost cause anyway.

            Since he's never going to please everybody, he may as well do something that will please at least some of the undecided voters, i.e. giving shit to Mitt, who is disliked by everybody, even his own party.

        • thatsitfortheother1

          That would be a good start.

        • tessiee

          "yelling "How about fuck off, Mittens!" and then throwing the mic in slow mo to strike Mitt directly between the eyes."

          Lowell Turpin already tried that.
          http://wonkette.com/479653/mitt-romney-homewrecke

    • BadKitty904

      "Walking Dead," maybe?

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    He originally wanted to do stop motion animation with construction paper cut outs much like South Park used to, but everyone worried about the tragedies that would happen if they let him run with scissors.

    • BadKitty904

      And after the glue-and-dried-macaroni disaster…

      • elviouslyqueer

        I never saw no goddamned bollweevils.

        • BadKitty904

          Jesus God. That is *every* conversation I've *ever* had with my cousins.

          That's right up there with "Greater Tuna"…

      • PsycWench

        He never was sure at which step you add the glitter.

    • Biff

      Paper cuts are no joke, you guys!

  • ThankYouJeebus

    Poor Jeb. It's like when my stupid sister wrecked the car that I was going to get to drive.

    • Goonemeritus

      More like she wrecked every car and then travelled to every factory capable of building a new one and burned them all to the ground.

      • BadKitty904

        *THEN* said "Mission Accomplished!"

    • Toomush_Infer

      Nah….he's going for the 2020 "Pity" Presidency….

  • FNMA

    Who?

    • Negropolis

      That meat-puppet President Cheney used up and threw away after eight years. It's the only way he could keep his current host-body from decaying.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Asshole president becomes asshole ex-president.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Our home-kept critters do inspire the inner artist in many of us.
    At least Dubya thought better than to, say, compose poems about the yappy terriers.

    "I'd rather see a Scottie
    Than hear one, any day
    I'd rather one would walk with me
    Than merely show the way"

    etc.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      One thing surely is fo sho
      His dog cage looks like Guantánamo.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Whenever Little Dubya went down town,
      We people on the pavement looked at him:
      He swaggered like a cowboy with a crown,
      An oafish stare and uncomprehending grin.

      And he was always boorishly arrayed,
      And slurring and obnoxious when he talked;
      But still he never thought more than he prayed,
      And the PDBs were just stuffed in his sock.

      And he was rich – and as inbred as a king –
      And thought he had inherited God's grace:
      War, tax cuts and piety were everything
      To assure his asshole friends would keep their place.

      So we shipped off, and were stop-lossed for our trouble,
      And lost houses, wives and got PTSD;
      And Little Dubya's family toasts themselves and huddles,
      And awaits the transfiguring gleam of History.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        You just came up with that, didn't you?

        • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

          To be fair, Edward Arlington Robinson came up with most of it — I just substituted a few words and phrases.

  • Cicada

    These are going to be almost as collectible as John Wayne Gacy's clown paintings someday.

    • BadKitty904

      You know who ELSE liked to paint bad paintings in his bunker?

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        The serial killer from se7en?

        • Biff

          What's in the box????

      • Esteev

        Archie?

      • thatsitfortheother1

        Howard Hughes?

    • FNMA

      Probably more collectable. John Wayne Gacy killed far fewer people.

    • eggsacklywright

      Wait till you see his "Dog Descending Staircase.'

    • tessiee

      Yeah, and for essentially the same reasons.

  • Goonemeritus

    What must it be like to have half the country unable to forget what a fuck-up you were and the other half pretending you never existed.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Y'all laugh, but W will soon be an honorary member of the "Nouveau Poop Flinging" art movement. Just you wait.

    • Anne_Athema

      He'll probably lead the movement, as he has had eight years of intensive training.

  • e_z

    "Merka needs more pictures of Dogs playing Poker…on Velour, real men don't use Velvet.

    • eggsacklywright

      Do his dog paintings have really big eyes? Peachy-Keane.

    • Biff

      Oh good god, I just flashed back to my crushed velour shirts from the 60's. You asshole!

  • EatsBabyDingos

    He was painting bushes, but Laura kept closing her legs.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      As despicable as he was, I really don't hate Laura quite the way I hate Romney's gash. Or George Sr's.

      • tessiee

        Vapid vs. mean as cat shit.

    • tessiee

      I'll bet she's done plenty of that in the last three years or so.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    I guess the Paraguay thing didn't work out.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Yet. The water crisis ain't hit.

    • BadKitty904

      Yet.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Actual quote from W

    Oh, I like this one… One dog goes one way, the other dog goes the other way, and this guy's sayin', "Whadda ya want from me?' Guy's got a nice head of white hair, it's beautiful.

    • FNMA

      Too bad he doesn't amuse us. Nor do we find him funny.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        And he got his paw stuck inna radiator.

        • VodkaGoGo

          The hoof.

    • elviouslyqueer

      What on earth is he babbling about? This?

    • thatsitfortheother1

      His dogs were tragically killed, so he took them to the taxidermist.

      "Do you want them mounted?"

      "No, just holding hands."

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    what else can you do with a terrier named Miss Beazley?

    She gots a purty mouf…

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    See, this is why I could never run for President.

    I prefer cats.

  • Negropolis

    Do they allow dogs in The Hague, or is there a no-pets policy? I don't know nearly as much about the Dutch as I'd like.

    • BadKitty904

      A pity Spandau was demolished…

    • OzoneTom

      I learned everything I need to about the Dutch from reading THIS article in a National Lampoon in the early '70s.

  • sullivanst

    He should be agoraphobic, in that every time he goes outside, he should have to worry whether Interpol is about to swoop on him and whisk him away to the Hague. Alas, they don't seem to be bothered.

  • SnarkOff

    For what it's worth, Jeb, your brother also wrecked my dream of not living out my golden years in a cardboard box under a bridge, so…

    • JustPixelz

      Dubya was the worst president except Buchanan (who whistled while America headed for cilvil war). At the outset of the Great Depression, Hoover at least held to the principle that market problems would be solved by the marker. When the Great Recession started, Dubya said "Quick! Write a check to save the big banks. Plus failed to keep America safe from terrorism. Also war in Iraq to show his Daddy who has a bigger dick.

  • delaney_blom

    I missed my chance at a dogs playing poker joke, so here's one of my favorite canine paintings.

    • Doktor Zoom

      That's really something. Looks like Nora the Piano Cat was just a wannabe after all.

      • delaney_blom

        Nora's got soul and a natural ear, but that dog can sight read (the sheet music is "God Save the Queen/King" / "My Country Tis of Thee")

  • TootsStansbury

    What. Art therapy is supposed to be very beneficial for r3tarded people.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Hey, you're giving special needs kids a bad name – I often get to bring art activities into their classrooms – they're a hoot…..GWB is another matter altogether…I imagine he thinks he's Jeff Koons, or at least will be able to make a few bucks off this worthless shit….

  • no_gravity

    I saw some of his paintings being sold on the side of the road down here in Florida. They were next to the collection of Elvis Jeebuses.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Bush paints one corner of the canvas, steps back, says:

    "Mission accomplished."

    • Negropolis

      He then tears it off the canvas and starts another war….errr…painting.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      HE FORGOT POLAND!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    That Wiki list of Presidential pets is truly impressive, and the earliest pet names are hilarious: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_presid

    Why hasn't Disney World created a Hall Of Presidential Pets attraction? I can see the animatronic wildlife all lined up on the faux White House lawn, barking, flapping and pooping in sequence as Morgan Freeman solemnly intones the roll call.

    • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

      George Washington had dogs he named "Sweetlips" and "Drunkard". There was more going on with him than those wooden false teeth.

    • Lot_49

      The architect of Monticello, founder of UVA, author of the Declaration, and owner of 200 slaves had a pet mockingbird named "Dick"?

      That is hilarious.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        And a pet fish named "Eric" for which he would like a license.

        • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

          You're a loony.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Martin van Buren was a badass!

    • SavageDrummer

      John Adams had a dog named Satan… I think this is all the proof we need that 'merrica was founded on christian values…

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        He might have kicked his dog's ass regularly.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

      Andrew Johnson: Fed some white mice he found in his bedroom.

      Of course he did. Historians disagree on whether the President called any of said mice George.

    • Biff

      Rutherford B. Hayes: Miss Pussy.

      Yeah, me too.

    • bobbert

      Ha. Grant's wartime steed was named "Jeff Davis".

  • TootsStansbury

    You know who else liked to paint?

    • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

      General Butt Naked?

    • UW8316154

      Salvador Dali?

    • Negropolis

      Koko the gorilla?

    • SnarkOff

      Thomas Kincade?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Bob Ross?

    • LibertyLover

      Sheila the elephant?

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      Travis, the face-eating Chimp?

    • ph7

      Tom Sawyer?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        He was the Mark Rothko of his age.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Sly Stallone?

    • MosesInvests

      Winston Churchill?

    • Esteev

      "Adults"?

    • tessiee

      Me?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    He's probly just hopin that we forget about him and his war criminal pals.

  • Ruhe

    Dear Mr. W.,
    I too was once Angoraphobic but I found that a daily dose of claritin took care of that and now I have my life back. I recommend you try the same remedy. Please don't let your allergies drive you out of public life. And remember, fashion is cyclical. Next year every one will be wearing polyamide fleece and natural materials will be out.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      As opposed to Ed Wood, who was angoraphilic.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      I suggest travel, as well. Netherlands or Spain would be nice.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I heartily recommend a visit to the Hague.

  • eggsacklywright

    Awww, he's got his very own Paintin' Place.

  • Negropolis

    I predict within a matter of years he'll move on to portraits, and the venerable Honey Boo Boo, now child-president of the reconstituted CSA, will become his muse.

  • eggsacklywright

    Well, as long as he's able to keep putting food on his family I guess this is OK.

  • thatsitfortheother1

    And here I thought W was sitting in his underwear in Dallas, drunk, and playing with Saddam's pistol. Laura, of course, won't get him any bullets.

    • Esteev

      She gives hime 5 blanks and 1 live one. The cable is out.

    • LibertyLover

      But she's very generous with the pretzels.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        Our Pretzeldent. Guy went 0 and 1 against a snack food.

        • tessiee

          Our Pretzeldent Pretzeldunce.

  • Ruhe

    Le Ouvre Inconnu de le Commandant General. If only his minor works, i.e. his presidency, could be hidden away somewhere out of sight.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Am I the only one whose first thought was, yeah, SURE Dub is painting ANYthing, we all know DickC is REALLY doing this "art" work too.

    • prommie

      Oh isn't it just rich, that old genociding torturing lying shrubbery-stalking brooding evil omnipresence now coming out and calling Biden crazy? Why isn't he fucking dead? There clearly is no God. Dick Cheney's existence and the idea of a benificent, omnipotent God are incompossible.

      • FakaktaSouth

        I had not in fact heard that the walking-dead had come out with an opinion on OHJoe. I will have to research this further whilst I stomp around angrily with even more hate. I'm SURE he DOES think VPBiden is crazy, letting the actual Pres make a decision like he's the one running things. Fuck that guy.

        eta – AAACCCKK Upon the googling I ended up seeing Dick did this ON HANNITY. For fucks sake now not only did I have to see this guy besmirch my favorite office-holder, but it was in the midst of the most disgusting, vile, idiotic cess-pool of life. Now I am mad. You OWE me for that one. Good lord.

      • Biff

        This, from the former VP guy that shot his friend in the fucking face? Rich, indeed.

        • prommie

          Not to mention the genocide, you know, the 300,000 Iraqis.

          • Biff

            That was business, you know, nothing personal.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    Andrew Jackson made quilts of human flesh

    Now I understand those old flags: "Don't Thread On Me!"

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    My favorite things about that list of Presidential pets are the names in Teddy's menagerie, and the fact that Grant apparently took to naming his horses after his foes.

  • prommie

    Barney was a gift to W. from Christine Todd Whitman. She told me one time "that dog hates him." True story. She also kinda strongly hinted that she kinda had to hold her nose the whole time she was working for him.

    • glasspusher

      Yeah, this was coming from a good republican girl. Even she couldn't stand him, then left when he finally hung her out to dry when she was running the EPA.

    • FakaktaSouth

      I kinda hate her. She was willing to play his game as long as he was willing to do things FOR her. And who does that to a dog? Gives them to a dumber master like that? I'm sure the dog was THRILLED.

      Also, THUD, names a' droppin…

      • prommie

        Well she did tell the rest of the class too. Fuck her, actually she was always in nose-deep with the crony capitalism aspects of that special kind of Bush family corruption, privatization being the word for "no bid contracts for ginormous government functions given to cronies." Also the buying of the black ministers with the social services privatized contracts, I see you Buster Soaries, and the voter roll purges, Christine was into that way way back in the 1990s, a pioneer, she was, also with the privatizing schools and going after public worker unions. No, there is nothing good about her, just a polite patrician version of Scott Walker.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

          Our blonde hottie politicians are better than their blonde hottie politicians. Granholm, Wasserman-Schultz, Gillibrand, Sebelius…

          • eggsacklywright

            And Warren. She's a cutie.

    • eggsacklywright

      Yeah, she held her nose at ground zero, too.

  • Esteev

    So he's been painting his daughters? BOOYAA!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Hi-hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

      • Esteev

        I kid, they are actually smoking hot. And smart. I love smarts.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Smart?

          You really think Jenna and NotJenna are smart? I got a bar in Austin to sell you…

          • thatsitfortheother1

            Something tells me that they can be tricked…

          • Esteev

            It appears my snark knows no bounds!

  • OneYieldRegular

    Given the way he's been shut out of sight by his own party, he's probably painting pictures of those dogs driving cars with Mitt Romney strapped onto the roof.

  • LibertyLover

    but that we should still keep an eye out for his beautiful art in a flag-draped gallery somewhere…

    In the Cotton Bowl arena at the Texas State Fair just around the corner from the 4H Club booth.

    • Ruhe

      Mmmm…deep fried presidential butter art.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Is the music hall still there? Saw some great shows there. Johhny Winter, Allman bros…

  • prommie

    Oh, BTW, you know who else was a painter? Though he favored architectural subjects?

    • FakaktaSouth

      If ONLY they had let him into that art-school, MAN what a different world this would be. Like Eddie Izzard, my spiritual mentor and guide says "I can't get the fucking trees right, DAMN I will kill EVERYone in the world!!!!"

      • prommie

        Why does God sound like John Houseman?

        • MosesInvests

          And why do Noah and King Henry VIII sound like Sean Connery?

    • TavariousChinaSmith

      Captain Beefheart?

      • prommie

        You get points on the big karma scoreboard just for typing the words "Captain Beefheart."

        • TavariousChinaSmith

          To Beefheart or not to be far out: that is the question.

    • crybabyboehner

      Francis Bacon?

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    I want him to paint all the dead Iraqis. That should keep him occupied.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      I wonder if he ever wakes up in the middle of the night and says "Dear God I am responsible for the deaths of thousands and thousands of people."

      Oh wait. I forgot who we were talking about for a second. Never mind.

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    George, take a tip from an idle art dealer who won't be reopening his gallery any time soon thanks to the economy you left us with: There's big money to be made with paintings of comic blue dogs with great big eyes — and no, a portrait of Sen. Ben Nelson doesn't count.

  • LibertyLover

    Doesn't W's new book come out this month?

  • Ruhe

    I imagine that like Jack Kevorkian, W probably considers his works to be resistant to interpretation due to their obviousness. Such a commonality might be indicative of something.

  • TavariousChinaSmith

    Sadly, George W. will never be Agorafabulous. (You're welcome, Sara.)

  • TootsStansbury

    I an ashamed Wonkette. I came in here and went right at the low hanging fruit.

  • TavariousChinaSmith

    Shave the damn Bush!
    -John McCain

  • ibwilliamsi

    W took up painting as a hobby because it's something insane people do while they're alone, and he has plenty of free time. Ain't nobody inviting THAT bitch out.

    (Are you sure it isn't "Alas, poor Yorkies"?)

  • DahBoner

    Terry Schiavo: Stupid Republicans using a Brain-dead Girl for their Big Gum'mint Getting Up in Your Deathbed (becuz that's wha Pukes are all about- Death & Deception)…

  • Biff

    Kinda late in the thread to go all Godwin…

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    "Arid Texas landscapes"?! The bottom half of the canvas is burnt sienna, and the top half is azure? You're no Mark Rothko.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Agoraphobia? Kharma is a bitch.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    I wonder if Dubya's paintings are, by any chance, incomprehensible hashes that appear to have started out with half an idea and then depended on some magical force to swoop in and finish them, the absence of which yielded a twisted, sloppy, unfinishable half-assed bit of noodling that could best be finished with an abortion.

    • tessiee

      He keeps painting "Mission Accomplished" banners over and over and over, like Jack Torrance in the "Shining" typing "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy".

  • smashedinhat

    More like W is hunkered down in a corner of the garage huffing aerosol paint cans. The gold coloured ones are best, or so I hear.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    For some, the shadows of the family psychodrama were alive in the room. When W., whose controversial presidency had been a kind of rebuttal to his father’s, was asked to give an impromptu toast honoring the man he had both worshipped and sought to overcome his entire life, witnesses say he appeared pinched and unhappy, his toast perfunctory. “It was highly unemotional,” says an attendee.

    Gee, that sounds familiar — where else have we come across a highly unemotional introvert with daddy issues in terms of a presidential prospect? Hmmmmm…

    • tessiee

      Or a spoiled rich kid with a big sense of entitlement and mean streak a mile wide?

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    You guys all laugh, but the idea that George W. Bush took up painting after he left office actually makes a lot of sense.

  • x111e7thst

    Real men shoot other men in the face as a hobby. (While hunting grouse)

    • Tio_Doidinho

      Cheney's more of a performance art kind of guy, methinks.

  • lulzmonger

    Given how well "The Bush Legacy: Operation Retcon" went, it is safe to assume his pet art consists of stick-figure dogs with speech balloons proclaiming "ARF!" & "WOOF!"

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Dubya's painting?? Tom Sawyer weeps.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Wake me when it's the dogs who are painting the President running things again..

    • not that Dewey

      Well, how can we even talk about "George W. Bush" and "painting" without bringing up this masterpiece?

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        That makes sense to me. Does it to you?

  • An_Outhouse

    Jeb's got a potty mouth.

  • johnetic

    Ted Theodore Roosevelt was one bad ass pet owner. A badger named Josiah? Oh hell yeah.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Arid landscapes seem like the perfect subject for Dumbya.

  • Nostrildamus

    "Agoraphobic" is a nice change for W. His Iraq policy was decidedly gore-philic.

  • Nostrildamus

    You know who else enjoyed painting?

  • Cleopatriot

    I was really happy pretending he didn't exist anymore. With votes.

    • tessiee

      So was our second favorite political party, unfortunately.

  • Anne_Athema

    Is is just me, or does Ecce Homo now look like Bob Ross?

  • tessiee

    ???
    I thought we weren't supposed to perceive him any more.

  • tessiee

    I wish he'd hurry up and finish drinking himself to death already.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    this is kinda OT, but that is an awesome wiki page and i just have to observe that teddy roosevelt had NINETEEN pets including a badger, a piebald rat and an unnamed one- legged rooster.

    that must have made for some lively presidential events.

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    I'm glad decided "Fuck This [I'm willing to throw these crazy fucks a bone, but I don't want to have to become a full-on snake handler and I don't want it to define me]." Shows a lot of character and courage.