SCHLOCK AND AWE  9:02 am October 16, 2012

George W. Bush Will Paint You Like One Of His French Girls

by Rich Abdill

Something to aspire toLess than ten years ago, President George W. “W.” Bush was pulling down Saddam Hussein statues and landing Mission Accomplished jets on things. Now, according to a new profile, he spends his time painting pictures of puppies.

Alas, poor Yorick!

Many former presidents, isolated by their notoriety, have famously taken up solitary hobbies: Thomas Jefferson invented chemotherapy, Andrew Jackson made quilts of human flesh. Dubya, now, watches Bob Ross videos and puts up introspective away messages on AOL Instant Messenger (“Message me :-/”).

From Politico:

Bush has started painting, mostly portraits of dogs and arid Texas landscapes, according to New York Magazine. The 43rd president has plenty of material: He owns a 1,583-acre ranch near Crawford, Texas, and two Scottish Terriers, Barney and Miss Beazley.

Well, no wonder he’s painting the dogs — what else can you do with a terrier named Miss Beazley? Teddy Roosevelt never painted anything, probably because Baron Spreckle the hen and Fighting Bob Evans the guinea pig would have punched him square in the mustaches.

Much of the New York profile focuses on other members of the Bush brood, mostly Jeb, and how sad he is to have had his ambitions wrecked by a gigazmo deficit and two wars with his last name stamped on them:

The late Ted Kennedy famously said “the dream”—of his brothers—would “never die”; for Jeb, that’s precisely the problem.

Thanks, however, are in order for the underappreciated Politico scribe who read it for us, because it is Very Long, and spends quite a while on Jeb’s “aquiline nose” and how his mom has jowls, and who can be reading all that when there are enthralling stories to be absorbed about Paul Ryan washing dishes.

The rest of the piece, our smarter friends tell us, looks at how Jeb is so clever for not going out of his mind during the tea party invasion:

If you took Jeb Bush at face value, it might look as if he were throwing in the towel on American politics. “Here’s what I heard him say,” says a former official in Bush 43’s White House. “ ‘Fuck this.’ That’s what I heard. ‘This has gotten ­crazy, and I don’t want any part of this.’ ”

Ah! A reasonable fellow! If you ignore that Terri Schaivo thing, a mostly reasonable fellow! Thank goodness this hero has been saying “Fuck this” very quietly while maniacs charged into Washington waving “Don’t Tread On Me” flags and before they proceeded to tread on anything they could get their treaders near, because liberty.

Anyway, obviously the most important part of the piece is that W. is getting “increasingly agoraphobic,” but that we should still keep an eye out for his beautiful art in a flag-draped gallery somewhere, hanging between a Jon McNaughton painting and an effigy of Osama bin Laden, whom Mitt Romney killed.

[New York via Politico]

 
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{ 260 comments }

Terry October 16, 2012 at 9:06 am

" Teddy Roosevelt never painted anything, probably because Baron Spreckle the hen and Fighting Bob Evans the guinea pig would have punched him square in the mustaches."

Teddy Roosevelt also had people in this world who liked and cared about him, unlike GWB.

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 9:36 am

And Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole.

UW8316154 October 16, 2012 at 9:37 am

Plate of shrimp.

Generation[redacted] October 16, 2012 at 10:20 am

Not in New York.

DahBoner October 16, 2012 at 10:25 am

Sheboygan!!!

Crank_Tango October 16, 2012 at 11:56 am

I always wondered if his el dorado was really the color of an avocado.

Doktor Zoom October 16, 2012 at 10:06 am

Teddy wins for best pet names! He also had a garter snake named Emily Spinach, cats named Tom Quartz and Slippers, and in addition to Fighting Bob Evans, he had other guinea pigs named Dr. Johnson, Bishop Doane, Admiral Dewey, and Father O'Grady.

SayItWithWookies October 16, 2012 at 10:42 am

That Dewey?

GunToting[Redacted] October 16, 2012 at 10:52 am

Not that Dewey.

eggsacklywright October 16, 2012 at 11:55 am

Dewey Gland.

noodlesalad October 16, 2012 at 9:06 am

George O. Queef

ttommyunger October 16, 2012 at 9:08 am

I'm frankly surprised he can let go of his dick long enough to hold a brush, or anything else, for that matter.

Chet Kincaid_ October 16, 2012 at 9:37 am

Don't you mean, "his drink"?

ttommyunger October 16, 2012 at 9:41 am

Yeah, prolly Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

HistoriCat October 16, 2012 at 12:55 pm

It's not like he needs two hands for his dick.

eggsacklywright October 16, 2012 at 9:43 am

Laura would make a good still-life.

thatsitfortheother1 October 16, 2012 at 9:44 am

Wonder if W could do one of his dogs playing poker for me. Or golf, I really like those.

ttommyunger October 16, 2012 at 10:25 am

…and door-stop, don't forget door-stop.

Crank_Tango October 16, 2012 at 11:57 am

Maybe he paints with his dick?

ttommyunger October 16, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Miniatures, no doubt.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 1:20 pm

No wonder the trees look like happy little trees.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 9:08 am

It's my understanding that a lot of war criminals become "agoraphobic" (i.e., hide out)…

Terry October 16, 2012 at 9:15 am

Too bad GWB didn't follow the pattern and run to South America.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 9:19 am

That's prolly 'cause "browns" frighten him. Plus, if he fled to Latin America, he'd have to learn Latin and all…

Chet Kincaid_ October 16, 2012 at 9:47 am

He speaks enough Spanish to get by down there. "Llévame al compuesto de los oligarcas, y conducir más rápido si usted choca con algún campesino."

thatsitfortheother1 October 16, 2012 at 10:05 am

¿Donde esta los WMDs?

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Muh-pleeze.
Peggy HIll speaks better Spanish than Bush.

Generation[redacted] October 16, 2012 at 10:22 am

There's a brazillion reasons why he wouldn't move down there.

Lot_49 October 16, 2012 at 9:24 am

Didn't the Bush family establish some hideout/family compound/criminal lair in Paraguay?

Must not have had time to work out the non-extradition treaty with Stroessner.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 9:30 am

Yup. El Rancho de Berchtesgaden…

Lot_49 October 16, 2012 at 9:37 am

http://www.counterpunch.org/2008/04/22/bush-s-par

Scroll down to the second story

MosesInvests October 16, 2012 at 10:41 am

La Guarida del Lobo.

Biff October 16, 2012 at 10:13 am

Specifically, Brazil.

Hey, maybe he can protect us from those scary bloggers!

eggsacklywright October 16, 2012 at 10:32 am

Brazilians come in, Brazilians go out, can't explain it.

RufusTFirefly October 16, 2012 at 10:32 am

"Is it safe?"

Yellerdawg October 16, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Depends on how hot they get the wax.

An_Outhouse October 16, 2012 at 10:57 am

Sometimes the war criminals commit suicide in bunkers. Too bad GW is NOT just like Hitler.

glamourdammerung October 16, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Hitler libel!

At least the Nazis had a relatively coherent foreign policy. But I guess it just boils down to what mix of evil and incompetent one prefers.

Anne_Athema October 16, 2012 at 12:19 pm

I think in this case it is not so much agoraphobia, but more that pesky lil' war criminal thingy.

MLHencken October 16, 2012 at 9:08 am

Can we please just go back to not hearing jack shit about GWB? I much prefer it that way.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 9:13 am

Believe it or not, I'd much rather hear about him than either that insufferable Romney or Ryan. I just want to pat Dubya on his head and offer him some "why bless his heart"s and then send him to prison.

I want to strangle the other two…with votes.

Generation[redacted] October 16, 2012 at 10:23 am

I dunno. I wouldn't mind a story about how Romney and Ryan are hiding out somewhere, painting puppies. That would be good news.

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 1:23 pm

"a story about how Romney and Ryan are hiding out somewhere, painting puppies."

Given Romney's history, his idea of "painting puppies" probably involves picking up a brush and smearing paint onto an actual puppy.

KeepFnThatChicken October 16, 2012 at 10:11 am

I once thought I missed hearing teh funneh about Sarah Palin, but no, her absence is actually preferred.

SayItWithWookies October 16, 2012 at 10:12 am

Oh, but this is just the time to be bringing him up — especially now that all the empire builders and PNAC alumni are hoping to sprout up little Green Zones in capitals all over the Middle East.

TheGyrus October 16, 2012 at 10:18 am

No,because we must Never Forget(TM) what happens when you elect a shitty president because he reminds you of your beer-drinking buddies.

Bezoar October 16, 2012 at 10:39 am

I agree, but would make an exception for hearing that he'd been renditioned to The Hague. With a black bag on his head.

glamourdammerung October 16, 2012 at 4:37 pm

I would love to hear about him all day long if only because of how much it makes the Party of Limbaugh cry.

SwanSwanH October 16, 2012 at 9:09 am

Happy little bushes.

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 9:20 am

"We don't torture terrists, we have happy little electrocutins' "

johnnyzhivago October 16, 2012 at 9:09 am

Bush painted both of his dogs this past weekend, but both had to be rushed to an emergency veterinary clinic where they were completely shaved and washed with solvents.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 9:14 am

Laura remains hold up in the barricaded wine cellar.

Chet Kincaid_ October 16, 2012 at 9:50 am

The "Safe Room."

eggsacklywright October 16, 2012 at 9:36 am

Paint by numbers more likely.

Nostrildamus October 16, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Not for the innumerate.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 16, 2012 at 9:45 am

W: "Hey Laura, I got some paint! I'm gonna paint the dogs."

time passes. paint-covered dogs run in.

Laura: "Oh, George."

thatsitfortheother1 October 16, 2012 at 9:46 am

Oh, like you've never done that…

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 9:09 am

Someone needs to tell Curious George that fingerpainting doesn't count.

Needz moar crying bald eagles.

Chow Yun Flat October 16, 2012 at 9:10 am

Amazing how uninteresting someone becomes after he is no longer Dick Cheney's chief stooge.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 9:15 am

puppet – puppet-master = ?

Chet Kincaid_ October 16, 2012 at 9:51 am

"Becomes"?

sayprettyplease October 16, 2012 at 10:04 am

They should get back together and go on a hunting trip.

kittensdontlie October 16, 2012 at 10:28 am

Like Lamb Chop without Shari Lewis.

Toomush_Infer October 16, 2012 at 9:10 am

I think he should focus on limp watches, just because….

johnnyzhivago October 16, 2012 at 9:10 am

BTW, is there some kind of a debate or something on TV tonight?

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 9:14 am

Yes. I hear Obama is going to up his admonitions from "tut, tut"s to "tsk, tsk"s. That should do it, right?

HateMachine October 16, 2012 at 9:29 am

Sorry, but he won't get through to undecideds with anything short of yelling "How about fuck off, Mittens!" and then throwing the mic in slow mo to strike Mitt directly between the eyes.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 9:32 am

I honestly want to see him pull a Biden, look straight at Romney and then the crowd, and then puts up his hands in defeat and shouts at them "Really? Are you really about to do this? Seriously? This guy?! What a bunch of stuff!" And then just exist stage left.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 9:55 am

Me and my beau are hoping Bamz opens his reasoned discourse with a flying kick…

mayor_quimby October 16, 2012 at 11:37 am

Last debate, I said Biden was giving him the "This fucking guy…" look.
As far as opening moves, I suggest an arm-bar or a standing d'arce choke http://www.ehow.com/video_5273988_standing-d_arce
Shhhh, shhh, nighty night, Mittens…

UW8316154 October 16, 2012 at 9:41 am

But then the media machine would be setting up Facebook accounts "Like if you think Obama was rude and arrogant last night" because, well, black.

Toomush_Infer October 16, 2012 at 9:45 am

So?….

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 9:50 am

How many ways you think they can say "uppity" without saying "uppity"?

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I don't disagree, but let's face it — the people who are going to criticize President Obama no matter what he does have only two settings, "too weak" and "not weak enough" — and they're a lost cause anyway.

Since he's never going to please everybody, he may as well do something that will please at least some of the undecided voters, i.e. giving shit to Mitt, who is disliked by everybody, even his own party.

thatsitfortheother1 October 16, 2012 at 9:48 am

That would be a good start.

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 1:26 pm

"yelling "How about fuck off, Mittens!" and then throwing the mic in slow mo to strike Mitt directly between the eyes."

Lowell Turpin already tried that.
http://wonkette.com/479653/mitt-romney-homewrecke

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 9:16 am

"Walking Dead," maybe?

ManchuCandidate October 16, 2012 at 9:11 am

He originally wanted to do stop motion animation with construction paper cut outs much like South Park used to, but everyone worried about the tragedies that would happen if they let him run with scissors.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 9:17 am

And after the glue-and-dried-macaroni disaster…

elviouslyqueer October 16, 2012 at 9:35 am

I never saw no goddamned bollweevils.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 9:42 am

Jesus God. That is *every* conversation I've *ever* had with my cousins.

That's right up there with "Greater Tuna"…

PsycWench October 16, 2012 at 10:36 am

He never was sure at which step you add the glitter.

Biff October 16, 2012 at 10:18 am

Paper cuts are no joke, you guys!

ThankYouJeebus October 16, 2012 at 9:11 am

Poor Jeb. It's like when my stupid sister wrecked the car that I was going to get to drive.

Goonemeritus October 16, 2012 at 9:18 am

More like she wrecked every car and then travelled to every factory capable of building a new one and burned them all to the ground.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 9:22 am

*THEN* said "Mission Accomplished!"

Toomush_Infer October 16, 2012 at 10:13 am

Nah….he's going for the 2020 "Pity" Presidency….

FNMA October 16, 2012 at 9:11 am

Who?

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 9:16 am

That meat-puppet President Cheney used up and threw away after eight years. It's the only way he could keep his current host-body from decaying.

Chow Yun Flat October 16, 2012 at 9:12 am

Asshole president becomes asshole ex-president.

Mumbletypeg October 16, 2012 at 9:13 am

Our home-kept critters do inspire the inner artist in many of us.
At least Dubya thought better than to, say, compose poems about the yappy terriers.

"I'd rather see a Scottie
Than hear one, any day
I'd rather one would walk with me
Than merely show the way"

etc.

thatsitfortheother1 October 16, 2012 at 9:50 am

One thing surely is fo sho
His dog cage looks like Guantánamo.

SayItWithWookies October 16, 2012 at 11:09 am

Whenever Little Dubya went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He swaggered like a cowboy with a crown,
An oafish stare and uncomprehending grin.

And he was always boorishly arrayed,
And slurring and obnoxious when he talked;
But still he never thought more than he prayed,
And the PDBs were just stuffed in his sock.

And he was rich – and as inbred as a king –
And thought he had inherited God's grace:
War, tax cuts and piety were everything
To assure his asshole friends would keep their place.

So we shipped off, and were stop-lossed for our trouble,
And lost houses, wives and got PTSD;
And Little Dubya's family toasts themselves and huddles,
And awaits the transfiguring gleam of History.

Mumbletypeg October 16, 2012 at 1:21 pm

You just came up with that, didn't you?

SayItWithWookies October 16, 2012 at 1:45 pm

To be fair, Edward Arlington Robinson came up with most of it — I just substituted a few words and phrases.

Cicada October 16, 2012 at 9:13 am

These are going to be almost as collectible as John Wayne Gacy's clown paintings someday.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 9:26 am

You know who ELSE liked to paint bad paintings in his bunker?

Mumbletypeg October 16, 2012 at 9:38 am

The serial killer from se7en?

Biff October 16, 2012 at 10:21 am

What's in the box????

Esteev October 16, 2012 at 9:45 am

Archie?

thatsitfortheother1 October 16, 2012 at 9:52 am

Howard Hughes?

FNMA October 16, 2012 at 9:42 am

Probably more collectable. John Wayne Gacy killed far fewer people.

eggsacklywright October 16, 2012 at 9:48 am

Wait till you see his "Dog Descending Staircase.'

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Yeah, and for essentially the same reasons.

Goonemeritus October 16, 2012 at 9:14 am

What must it be like to have half the country unable to forget what a fuck-up you were and the other half pretending you never existed.

elviouslyqueer October 16, 2012 at 9:16 am

Y'all laugh, but W will soon be an honorary member of the "Nouveau Poop Flinging" art movement. Just you wait.

Anne_Athema October 16, 2012 at 12:24 pm

He'll probably lead the movement, as he has had eight years of intensive training.

e_z October 16, 2012 at 9:16 am

"Merka needs more pictures of Dogs playing Poker…on Velour, real men don't use Velvet.

eggsacklywright October 16, 2012 at 9:37 am

Do his dog paintings have really big eyes? Peachy-Keane.

Biff October 16, 2012 at 10:22 am

Oh good god, I just flashed back to my crushed velour shirts from the 60's. You asshole!

EatsBabyDingos October 16, 2012 at 9:17 am

He was painting bushes, but Laura kept closing her legs.

thatsitfortheother1 October 16, 2012 at 10:39 am

As despicable as he was, I really don't hate Laura quite the way I hate Romney's gash. Or George Sr's.

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Vapid vs. mean as cat shit.

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 1:34 pm

I'll bet she's done plenty of that in the last three years or so.

Chow Yun Flat October 16, 2012 at 9:17 am

I guess the Paraguay thing didn't work out.

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 9:21 am

Yet. The water crisis ain't hit.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 9:26 am

Yet.

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 9:18 am

Actual quote from W

Oh, I like this one… One dog goes one way, the other dog goes the other way, and this guy's sayin', "Whadda ya want from me?' Guy's got a nice head of white hair, it's beautiful.

FNMA October 16, 2012 at 9:29 am

Too bad he doesn't amuse us. Nor do we find him funny.

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 9:35 am

And he got his paw stuck inna radiator.

VodkaGoGo October 16, 2012 at 1:10 pm

The hoof.

elviouslyqueer October 16, 2012 at 9:30 am

What on earth is he babbling about? This?

thatsitfortheother1 October 16, 2012 at 9:54 am

His dogs were tragically killed, so he took them to the taxidermist.

"Do you want them mounted?"

"No, just holding hands."

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 9:19 am

what else can you do with a terrier named Miss Beazley?

She gots a purty mouf…

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 9:19 am

See, this is why I could never run for President.

I prefer cats.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 9:32 am

Hear, hear!

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 9:34 am

Nice pussy…

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 9:37 am
JustPixelz October 16, 2012 at 9:42 am

I enjoy delicious kitty too. Um … are we talking about the same thing?

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 9:45 am

Depends on the…sauce.

Esteev October 16, 2012 at 9:47 am

More MSG, please.

DCBloom October 16, 2012 at 11:06 am
Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 9:20 am

Do they allow dogs in The Hague, or is there a no-pets policy? I don't know nearly as much about the Dutch as I'd like.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 9:33 am

A pity Spandau was demolished…

OzoneTom October 16, 2012 at 10:51 am

I learned everything I need to about the Dutch from reading THIS article in a National Lampoon in the early '70s.

sullivanst October 16, 2012 at 9:22 am

He should be agoraphobic, in that every time he goes outside, he should have to worry whether Interpol is about to swoop on him and whisk him away to the Hague. Alas, they don't seem to be bothered.

SnarkOff October 16, 2012 at 9:23 am

For what it's worth, Jeb, your brother also wrecked my dream of not living out my golden years in a cardboard box under a bridge, so…

JustPixelz October 16, 2012 at 9:46 am

Dubya was the worst president except Buchanan (who whistled while America headed for cilvil war). At the outset of the Great Depression, Hoover at least held to the principle that market problems would be solved by the marker. When the Great Recession started, Dubya said "Quick! Write a check to save the big banks. Plus failed to keep America safe from terrorism. Also war in Iraq to show his Daddy who has a bigger dick.

delaney_blom October 16, 2012 at 9:26 am

I missed my chance at a dogs playing poker joke, so here's one of my favorite canine paintings.

Doktor Zoom October 16, 2012 at 10:14 am

That's really something. Looks like Nora the Piano Cat was just a wannabe after all.

delaney_blom October 16, 2012 at 10:43 am

Nora's got soul and a natural ear, but that dog can sight read (the sheet music is "God Save the Queen/King" / "My Country Tis of Thee")

TootsStansbury October 16, 2012 at 9:26 am

What. Art therapy is supposed to be very beneficial for r3tarded people.

Toomush_Infer October 16, 2012 at 10:10 am

Hey, you're giving special needs kids a bad name – I often get to bring art activities into their classrooms – they're a hoot…..GWB is another matter altogether…I imagine he thinks he's Jeff Koons, or at least will be able to make a few bucks off this worthless shit….

no_gravity October 16, 2012 at 9:28 am

I saw some of his paintings being sold on the side of the road down here in Florida. They were next to the collection of Elvis Jeebuses.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 16, 2012 at 9:29 am

Bush paints one corner of the canvas, steps back, says:

"Mission accomplished."

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 9:31 am

He then tears it off the canvas and starts another war….errr…painting.

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 9:34 am

HE FORGOT POLAND!

Chet Kincaid_ October 16, 2012 at 9:34 am

That Wiki list of Presidential pets is truly impressive, and the earliest pet names are hilarious: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_presid

Why hasn't Disney World created a Hall Of Presidential Pets attraction? I can see the animatronic wildlife all lined up on the faux White House lawn, barking, flapping and pooping in sequence as Morgan Freeman solemnly intones the roll call.

Chow Yun Flat October 16, 2012 at 9:37 am

George Washington had dogs he named "Sweetlips" and "Drunkard". There was more going on with him than those wooden false teeth.

Lot_49 October 16, 2012 at 9:42 am

The architect of Monticello, founder of UVA, author of the Declaration, and owner of 200 slaves had a pet mockingbird named "Dick"?

That is hilarious.

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 9:46 am

And a pet fish named "Eric" for which he would like a license.

FlownOver October 16, 2012 at 9:49 am

You're a loony.

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 9:46 am

Martin van Buren was a badass!

SavageDrummer October 16, 2012 at 9:53 am

John Adams had a dog named Satan… I think this is all the proof we need that 'merrica was founded on christian values…

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 10:00 am

He might have kicked his dog's ass regularly.

Incitefully_Joe October 16, 2012 at 10:02 am

Andrew Johnson: Fed some white mice he found in his bedroom.

Of course he did. Historians disagree on whether the President called any of said mice George.

Biff October 16, 2012 at 10:32 am

Rutherford B. Hayes: Miss Pussy.

Yeah, me too.

bobbert October 16, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Ha. Grant's wartime steed was named "Jeff Davis".

TootsStansbury October 16, 2012 at 9:36 am

You know who else liked to paint?

Chow Yun Flat October 16, 2012 at 9:45 am

General Butt Naked?

UW8316154 October 16, 2012 at 9:47 am

Salvador Dali?

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 9:48 am

Koko the gorilla?

SnarkOff October 16, 2012 at 9:57 am

Thomas Kincade?

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 10:01 am

Bob Ross?

LibertyLover October 16, 2012 at 10:02 am

Sheila the elephant?

KeepFnThatChicken October 16, 2012 at 10:03 am

Travis, the face-eating Chimp?

ph7 October 16, 2012 at 10:03 am

Tom Sawyer?

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 10:37 am

He was the Mark Rothko of his age.

Mumbletypeg October 16, 2012 at 10:52 am

Sly Stallone?

MosesInvests October 16, 2012 at 10:54 am

Winston Churchill?

Esteev October 16, 2012 at 10:55 am

"Adults"?

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Me?

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 16, 2012 at 9:38 am

He's probly just hopin that we forget about him and his war criminal pals.

Ruhe October 16, 2012 at 9:39 am

Dear Mr. W.,
I too was once Angoraphobic but I found that a daily dose of claritin took care of that and now I have my life back. I recommend you try the same remedy. Please don't let your allergies drive you out of public life. And remember, fashion is cyclical. Next year every one will be wearing polyamide fleece and natural materials will be out.

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 9:47 am

As opposed to Ed Wood, who was angoraphilic.

thatsitfortheother1 October 16, 2012 at 9:57 am

I suggest travel, as well. Netherlands or Spain would be nice.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 16, 2012 at 11:36 am

I heartily recommend a visit to the Hague.

eggsacklywright October 16, 2012 at 9:40 am

Awww, he's got his very own Paintin' Place.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 9:40 am

I predict within a matter of years he'll move on to portraits, and the venerable Honey Boo Boo, now child-president of the reconstituted CSA, will become his muse.

eggsacklywright October 16, 2012 at 9:41 am

Well, as long as he's able to keep putting food on his family I guess this is OK.

thatsitfortheother1 October 16, 2012 at 9:42 am

And here I thought W was sitting in his underwear in Dallas, drunk, and playing with Saddam's pistol. Laura, of course, won't get him any bullets.

Esteev October 16, 2012 at 9:44 am

She gives hime 5 blanks and 1 live one. The cable is out.

LibertyLover October 16, 2012 at 10:01 am

But she's very generous with the pretzels.

thatsitfortheother1 October 16, 2012 at 10:11 am

Our Pretzeldent. Guy went 0 and 1 against a snack food.

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Our Pretzeldent Pretzeldunce.

Ruhe October 16, 2012 at 9:46 am

Le Ouvre Inconnu de le Commandant General. If only his minor works, i.e. his presidency, could be hidden away somewhere out of sight.

FakaktaSouth October 16, 2012 at 9:46 am

Am I the only one whose first thought was, yeah, SURE Dub is painting ANYthing, we all know DickC is REALLY doing this "art" work too.

prommie October 16, 2012 at 10:05 am

Oh isn't it just rich, that old genociding torturing lying shrubbery-stalking brooding evil omnipresence now coming out and calling Biden crazy? Why isn't he fucking dead? There clearly is no God. Dick Cheney's existence and the idea of a benificent, omnipotent God are incompossible.

FakaktaSouth October 16, 2012 at 10:07 am

I had not in fact heard that the walking-dead had come out with an opinion on OHJoe. I will have to research this further whilst I stomp around angrily with even more hate. I'm SURE he DOES think VPBiden is crazy, letting the actual Pres make a decision like he's the one running things. Fuck that guy.

eta – AAACCCKK Upon the googling I ended up seeing Dick did this ON HANNITY. For fucks sake now not only did I have to see this guy besmirch my favorite office-holder, but it was in the midst of the most disgusting, vile, idiotic cess-pool of life. Now I am mad. You OWE me for that one. Good lord.

Biff October 16, 2012 at 10:38 am

This, from the former VP guy that shot his friend in the fucking face? Rich, indeed.

prommie October 16, 2012 at 10:57 am

Not to mention the genocide, you know, the 300,000 Iraqis.

Biff October 16, 2012 at 12:14 pm

That was business, you know, nothing personal.

deanbooth October 16, 2012 at 9:49 am

Andrew Jackson made quilts of human flesh

Now I understand those old flags: "Don't Thread On Me!"

Incitefully_Joe October 16, 2012 at 9:50 am

My favorite things about that list of Presidential pets are the names in Teddy's menagerie, and the fact that Grant apparently took to naming his horses after his foes.

prommie October 16, 2012 at 9:50 am

Barney was a gift to W. from Christine Todd Whitman. She told me one time "that dog hates him." True story. She also kinda strongly hinted that she kinda had to hold her nose the whole time she was working for him.

glasspusher October 16, 2012 at 9:56 am

Yeah, this was coming from a good republican girl. Even she couldn't stand him, then left when he finally hung her out to dry when she was running the EPA.

FakaktaSouth October 16, 2012 at 9:58 am

I kinda hate her. She was willing to play his game as long as he was willing to do things FOR her. And who does that to a dog? Gives them to a dumber master like that? I'm sure the dog was THRILLED.

Also, THUD, names a' droppin…

prommie October 16, 2012 at 10:10 am

Well she did tell the rest of the class too. Fuck her, actually she was always in nose-deep with the crony capitalism aspects of that special kind of Bush family corruption, privatization being the word for "no bid contracts for ginormous government functions given to cronies." Also the buying of the black ministers with the social services privatized contracts, I see you Buster Soaries, and the voter roll purges, Christine was into that way way back in the 1990s, a pioneer, she was, also with the privatizing schools and going after public worker unions. No, there is nothing good about her, just a polite patrician version of Scott Walker.

Chet Kincaid_ October 16, 2012 at 10:25 am

Our blonde hottie politicians are better than their blonde hottie politicians. Granholm, Wasserman-Schultz, Gillibrand, Sebelius…

eggsacklywright October 16, 2012 at 12:00 pm

And Warren. She's a cutie.

eggsacklywright October 16, 2012 at 10:03 am

Yeah, she held her nose at ground zero, too.

Esteev October 16, 2012 at 9:54 am

So he's been painting his daughters? BOOYAA!

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 9:58 am

Hi-hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Esteev October 16, 2012 at 10:01 am

I kid, they are actually smoking hot. And smart. I love smarts.

actor212 October 16, 2012 at 10:35 am

Smart?

You really think Jenna and NotJenna are smart? I got a bar in Austin to sell you…

thatsitfortheother1 October 16, 2012 at 10:44 am

Something tells me that they can be tricked…

Esteev October 16, 2012 at 10:53 am

It appears my snark knows no bounds!

OneYieldRegular October 16, 2012 at 9:59 am

Given the way he's been shut out of sight by his own party, he's probably painting pictures of those dogs driving cars with Mitt Romney strapped onto the roof.

LibertyLover October 16, 2012 at 9:59 am

but that we should still keep an eye out for his beautiful art in a flag-draped gallery somewhere…

In the Cotton Bowl arena at the Texas State Fair just around the corner from the 4H Club booth.

Ruhe October 16, 2012 at 10:05 am

Mmmm…deep fried presidential butter art.

thatsitfortheother1 October 16, 2012 at 10:45 am

Is the music hall still there? Saw some great shows there. Johhny Winter, Allman bros…

prommie October 16, 2012 at 9:59 am

Oh, BTW, you know who else was a painter? Though he favored architectural subjects?

FakaktaSouth October 16, 2012 at 10:02 am

If ONLY they had let him into that art-school, MAN what a different world this would be. Like Eddie Izzard, my spiritual mentor and guide says "I can't get the fucking trees right, DAMN I will kill EVERYone in the world!!!!"

prommie October 16, 2012 at 10:14 am

Why does God sound like John Houseman?

MosesInvests October 16, 2012 at 10:58 am

And why do Noah and King Henry VIII sound like Sean Connery?

TavariousChinaSmith October 16, 2012 at 10:10 am

Captain Beefheart?

prommie October 16, 2012 at 10:13 am

You get points on the big karma scoreboard just for typing the words "Captain Beefheart."

TavariousChinaSmith October 16, 2012 at 10:22 am

To Beefheart or not to be far out: that is the question.

crybabyboehner October 16, 2012 at 11:27 am

Francis Bacon?

KeepFnThatChicken October 16, 2012 at 9:59 am

I want him to paint all the dead Iraqis. That should keep him occupied.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 16, 2012 at 10:23 am

I wonder if he ever wakes up in the middle of the night and says "Dear God I am responsible for the deaths of thousands and thousands of people."

Oh wait. I forgot who we were talking about for a second. Never mind.

MilwaukeeKent October 16, 2012 at 10:01 am

George, take a tip from an idle art dealer who won't be reopening his gallery any time soon thanks to the economy you left us with: There's big money to be made with paintings of comic blue dogs with great big eyes — and no, a portrait of Sen. Ben Nelson doesn't count.

LibertyLover October 16, 2012 at 10:04 am

Doesn't W's new book come out this month?

Ruhe October 16, 2012 at 10:04 am

I imagine that like Jack Kevorkian, W probably considers his works to be resistant to interpretation due to their obviousness. Such a commonality might be indicative of something.

TavariousChinaSmith October 16, 2012 at 10:05 am

Sadly, George W. will never be Agorafabulous. (You're welcome, Sara.)

TootsStansbury October 16, 2012 at 10:08 am

I an ashamed Wonkette. I came in here and went right at the low hanging fruit.

TavariousChinaSmith October 16, 2012 at 10:09 am

Shave the damn Bush!
-John McCain

ibwilliamsi October 16, 2012 at 10:14 am

W took up painting as a hobby because it's something insane people do while they're alone, and he has plenty of free time. Ain't nobody inviting THAT bitch out.

(Are you sure it isn't "Alas, poor Yorkies"?)

DahBoner October 16, 2012 at 10:14 am

Terry Schiavo: Stupid Republicans using a Brain-dead Girl for their Big Gum'mint Getting Up in Your Deathbed (becuz that's wha Pukes are all about- Death & Deception)…

Biff October 16, 2012 at 10:16 am

Kinda late in the thread to go all Godwin…

KeepFnThatChicken October 16, 2012 at 10:18 am

"Arid Texas landscapes"?! The bottom half of the canvas is burnt sienna, and the top half is azure? You're no Mark Rothko.

GeorgiaBurning October 16, 2012 at 10:25 am

Agoraphobia? Kharma is a bitch.

SayItWithWookies October 16, 2012 at 10:27 am

I wonder if Dubya's paintings are, by any chance, incomprehensible hashes that appear to have started out with half an idea and then depended on some magical force to swoop in and finish them, the absence of which yielded a twisted, sloppy, unfinishable half-assed bit of noodling that could best be finished with an abortion.

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 1:56 pm

He keeps painting "Mission Accomplished" banners over and over and over, like Jack Torrance in the "Shining" typing "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy".

smashedinhat October 16, 2012 at 10:33 am

More like W is hunkered down in a corner of the garage huffing aerosol paint cans. The gold coloured ones are best, or so I hear.

SayItWithWookies October 16, 2012 at 10:33 am

For some, the shadows of the family psychodrama were alive in the room. When W., whose controversial presidency had been a kind of rebuttal to his father’s, was asked to give an impromptu toast honoring the man he had both worshipped and sought to overcome his entire life, witnesses say he appeared pinched and unhappy, his toast perfunctory. “It was highly unemotional,” says an attendee.

Gee, that sounds familiar — where else have we come across a highly unemotional introvert with daddy issues in terms of a presidential prospect? Hmmmmm…

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Or a spoiled rich kid with a big sense of entitlement and mean streak a mile wide?

Incitefully_Joe October 16, 2012 at 10:35 am

You guys all laugh, but the idea that George W. Bush took up painting after he left office actually makes a lot of sense.

x111e7thst October 16, 2012 at 10:40 am

Real men shoot other men in the face as a hobby. (While hunting grouse)

Tio_Doidinho October 16, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Cheney's more of a performance art kind of guy, methinks.

lulzmonger October 16, 2012 at 10:45 am

Given how well "The Bush Legacy: Operation Retcon" went, it is safe to assume his pet art consists of stick-figure dogs with speech balloons proclaiming "ARF!" & "WOOF!"

weejee October 16, 2012 at 10:46 am

Dubya's painting?? Tom Sawyer weeps.

Mumbletypeg October 16, 2012 at 10:48 am

Wake me when it's the dogs who are painting the President running things again..

not that Dewey October 16, 2012 at 11:10 am

Well, how can we even talk about "George W. Bush" and "painting" without bringing up this masterpiece?

Mumbletypeg October 16, 2012 at 1:29 pm

That makes sense to me. Does it to you?

An_Outhouse October 16, 2012 at 10:59 am

Jeb's got a potty mouth.

johnetic October 16, 2012 at 11:25 am

Ted Theodore Roosevelt was one bad ass pet owner. A badger named Josiah? Oh hell yeah.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 16, 2012 at 11:29 am

Arid landscapes seem like the perfect subject for Dumbya.

Nostrildamus October 16, 2012 at 12:01 pm

"Agoraphobic" is a nice change for W. His Iraq policy was decidedly gore-philic.

Nostrildamus October 16, 2012 at 12:05 pm

You know who else enjoyed painting?

Cleopatriot October 16, 2012 at 12:12 pm

I was really happy pretending he didn't exist anymore. With votes.

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 1:58 pm

So was our second favorite political party, unfortunately.

Anne_Athema October 16, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Is is just me, or does Ecce Homo now look like Bob Ross?

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 1:59 pm

???
I thought we weren't supposed to perceive him any more.

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 1:59 pm

I wish he'd hurry up and finish drinking himself to death already.

fuflans October 16, 2012 at 3:59 pm

this is kinda OT, but that is an awesome wiki page and i just have to observe that teddy roosevelt had NINETEEN pets including a badger, a piebald rat and an unnamed one- legged rooster.

that must have made for some lively presidential events.

1stNewtontheMoon October 16, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I'm glad decided "Fuck This [I'm willing to throw these crazy fucks a bone, but I don't want to have to become a full-on snake handler and I don't want it to define me]." Shows a lot of character and courage.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 9:52 am

We sure have been a witness to the ways this past four years, huh? They still have few more left in them.

I'm still trying to figure out how they are going to react when the president pulls back comfortably into the lead (god willing)? 'Cause god knows they finally got the horserace they wanted. Will they graciously give up the ghost, or will they try and pull Romney across the finish line?

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 9:58 am

They'll do whatever helps them sell the most advertising.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Zing!

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