IF DISHES WERE WISHES BEGGARS WOULD RIDE  5:40 pm October 15, 2012

Dishwatergate: Paul Ryan Dishwashing Scandal Worse Than Ever Imagined

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

you can tell he's lying because he is awakeIn the distant past — a couple hours ago? — we saw on the Tweeter that utter douche Paul Ryan had done some stupid photo-op at a soup kitchen where breakfast had already been served and the dishes already washed. But never one to let a 15-minute investment be for naught, he picked up a sponge and faked washing some pans for the cameras. Now, we did not run with this TERRIBLE SCANDAL because we honestly figured that pretty much every politician on the planet would do the same thing, and sometimes (weirdly) we are not Titans of Hypocritical Partisanship. BUT! Now the soup kitchen’s president has bitched to the Post that HE OR SHE (okay, he, we checked now) is MAD AS HECK, because not only was it a bullshit photo op, but the Romney-Ryan campaign had “ramrodded” their way in. That does not sound very nice! Or heterosexual!

Brian Antal, president of the St. Vincent De Paul Society, is so mad you guys. Not only is he steamed about the campaign ramrodding its way in by getting a random volunteer to okay it, but he’s super fucking pissed that

“The photo-op they did wasn’t even accurate. He did nothing. He just came in here to get his picture taken at the dining hall. [...]

Had they asked for permission, it wouldn’t have been granted. … But I certainly wouldn’t have let him wash clean pans and then take a picture.”

The campaign claimed Ryan was there to draw attention to the fabulous work done by volunteers, and certainly wasn’t intended to create the (false) impression that Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan love poors and homelesses and sick children and other gross 47 percent moochers like that.

So, you know, still lying.

[WaPo]

 

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{ 428 comments }

snowpointsecret October 15, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Wait, back at Catholic school they did tons of work with St. Vincent de Paul… Does that mean we're about to have a Catholics vs. Republicans war? Quick, get the popcorn, this could be good!

Antispandex October 15, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Fake Catholic, doing a fake work of charity, for fake pictures. The trifecta of hypocrisy?

Isyaignert October 15, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Hypocracy thy name is Republican.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Interestingly, of *ALL* the sins that Jesus condemned, "hypocrisy" was the one He mentioned most.

Coincidence? I think not.

Zango Crudmonger October 15, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Paul might have something to say about that apron, "thou whited wall" and such.

sullivanst October 15, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I don't think you're going to get a much better war than the letters the USCCB sent objecting to Ryan's cuts to programs for the poor.

Lascauxcaveman October 15, 2012 at 8:13 pm

"Does that mean we're about to have a Catholics vs. Republicans war?"

Eh, not so much. The Catholics that volunteer at SVDP tend to be the more progressive ones who actually concern themselves with doing Christ's work, and therefore mostly vote D anyway.

And yes, they are in the minority.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 12:24 am

And yes, they are in the minority.

Really? Are they really? Which way did Catholics vote in 2008? My understanding is that while there has been a rightward march, the right-leaning Catholics are simply louder than their progressive bretheren, these days.

Lascauxcaveman October 16, 2012 at 1:03 am

You're right, I don't know, just guessing. Someone should do a poll!

This year, I'm guessing the Catholics are skewing slightly D, because, "WTF? A MORMON?!? Youkiddingme?"

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 1:06 am

Yeah, but the other guy is a Muslin/child of Satan/(fill in the blank) trying to force bishops to perform abortions on the church altar.

Seriously, though, I think Catholics have been pretty swing.

elviouslyqueer October 15, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Bullshitters gotta bullshit.

NorthStarSpanx October 16, 2012 at 12:11 pm

This is suspiciously like Mitt doing his 'laundry' on the day of the South Carolina Primary.
http://freedomslighthouse.net/2012/01/23/mitt-rom

cognachas4paws October 15, 2012 at 5:45 pm

I know that when I volunteer to do dishes, I wait until they're already done, too.

zumpie October 15, 2012 at 5:51 pm

And show up after everything's done and claim credit.

gullywompr October 15, 2012 at 5:54 pm

They built that.

Generation[redacted] October 15, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Look, when I wrote my op-ed, "Let the dishes sit in the sink" I described exactly how dishes need to be placed in the sink before they can be cleaned. They eventually followed my advice, so yeah I'll take a lot of credit for that.

NellCote71 October 15, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Great!

Doktor Zoom October 15, 2012 at 6:26 pm

If elected, Romney and Ryan promise to rescue the already-recovering economy

LibertyLover October 15, 2012 at 6:31 pm

And create 12 million new jobs that we are already on the road to creating without them. And to take credit for the repeal of the Bush tax cuts.

sewollef October 16, 2012 at 8:51 am

You forgot the credit they are already taking for killing ObL….

OT: I'm back. I've been away — in California [for work] and Texas [for play]. But now I'm back, and boy, isn't it grand to see the old place again.

Francis Urquhart October 15, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Well if this little act isn't the living embodiment of the concept of malarkey.

ThankYouJeebus October 15, 2012 at 6:58 pm

This is how I get through Thanksgiving.

Geminisunmars October 15, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Which one of my step-sons are you?

emmelemm October 15, 2012 at 8:23 pm

It's a strategy.

LesBontemps October 16, 2012 at 10:03 am

Take it from me, if you're drunk enough, no one asks you to do the dishes.

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Aw, how cute, the Republicans think they can fool the electorate into thinking they care about poor people!

LibertyLover October 15, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Is it working?

WhatTheHeck October 15, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Yes. Only 22% of the 47% believe they are in the 47%.

Schmannnity October 15, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Rub a poor boy's head for good luck!

miss_grundy October 15, 2012 at 6:51 pm

It's working for a couple of crackers on 8 Mile and Merriman Rd. who look a lot like forty-seven percenters. The dopes had a RomneyRyan banner with an American flag and were waving at drivers. I know, I know, this is Michigan…..Sometimes, I truly, truly, despair of the citizens of this state. I don't understand why anyone would support people who hate you….

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 6:57 pm

I saw a Romney/Ryan banner last week, in San Francisco. Let me tell you, I was shocked; but the wingnut stench is everywhere, even where you'd least expect it.

Geminisunmars October 15, 2012 at 7:06 pm

I'm sure it was just an ironical banner.

MissTaken October 15, 2012 at 7:22 pm

That wasn't SF, that was Walnut Creek. AKA: Whitepeoplestan.

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 7:30 pm

I just hope most of our neighbors aren't like the Romney banner house or old speedo jogger.

GeorgiaBurning October 15, 2012 at 8:34 pm

The 925 isn't really part of the Bay Area, it's West Fresno

glasspusher October 15, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Oh yeah- saw one in nearby Lafayette as well. The best is the dickhead tea party sign heading south down 680 from Walnut Creek

Biff October 15, 2012 at 11:52 pm

My sister-in-law lives there and is a reliable Democrat. Green shoots!

DemmeFatale October 15, 2012 at 7:38 pm

I can'r believe I actually saw posters of Obama as Hitler in Union Square in SF!
But it really only takes one crazy Bircher dude!
(I hope he was shanked, with votes.)

HogeyeGrex October 15, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Actually, I think those are the LaRouche-bags. I see them around various spots now and then. Certainly startles.

starfanglednut October 15, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Don't worry. They'll soon catch teh ghey, and be too busy butt fucking to vote.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 9:23 pm

(knock wood…so to speak)

Lascauxcaveman October 15, 2012 at 8:23 pm

In my little town, riding around on my lunchtime bike rides reminds me (every four years) which neighborhoods all the old white people live in.

bobbert October 15, 2012 at 9:33 pm

ME LIBEL!!!

Dudleydidwrong October 15, 2012 at 10:52 pm

ME TOO LIBEL!

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 12:27 am

I'm embarrassed to say that I didn't even know Merriman went that far north. lol Is this Livonia or Farmington Hills?

PuckStopsHere October 16, 2012 at 9:45 am

It depends on which side of 8 mile they occupy. The west side would be Livonia, the east side would be Farmington. Not Farmington Hills, Farmington. Dammit.

PuckStopsHere October 16, 2012 at 9:43 am

Hey there, miss_gundy. I've driven past those sad people myself. You'd think they'd picker a higher profile intersection, but intelligence does not appear to be a strong suit in the instant case.

WinstonK3 October 15, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Paul Ryan claiming to do something he never did. Shocking.

zumpie October 15, 2012 at 5:52 pm

And shirking actual, you know, work in the process. Like he did for the 6 terms he's served those poor dumbs in his district

YouBetcha October 15, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Hey now, he ran a 3:42 marathon right before climbing the highest peak of the Himalayas to wash an entire soup kitchen's worth of dishes. How dare you question his integrity. How dare you, sir.

Callyson October 15, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Chris Maloney, Ohio communications director for the Romney campaign, said that the visit by Ryan had been intended to highlight the work of the soup kitchen volunteers.
“Our campaign and Congressman Ryan were pleased to bring attention to the meaningful charitable contributions the St. Vincent De Paul Society makes to people in need,” Maloney said.

But *we're* not about to make any meaningful charitable contributions to the Society–what are you, some kind of freeloader? Get a job, bum!

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 5:48 pm

So. Take photos of the soup kitchen volunteers, then, ya jackasses…

Antispandex October 15, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Can't….they don't look….Republican, enough.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 6:27 pm

I know, right? I can hear Team Ryan now: "But…these people are too…brown."

starfanglednut October 15, 2012 at 9:19 pm

And poor. It's unseemly!

Liberalatchi October 15, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Oh like community organizing??

MissTaken October 15, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Those children look like they have never seen a pot or pan in their lives.

zumpie October 15, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Princess Liza looks like she's explaining to that one boy-spawn "this is what the maid does, I read it in a book once"

elviouslyqueer October 15, 2012 at 5:58 pm

"Mommy, why is daddy doing what Josefina's supposed to be doing? I'm scared!"

emmelemm October 15, 2012 at 6:24 pm

what Josefina's supposed to be doing

Name not Hispanic-sounding enough.

Maman October 15, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Consuela?

Lot_49 October 15, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Donna Maria de la Vera Santa Cruz.

Franknflower October 15, 2012 at 7:40 pm

I call my imaginary maid Consuela.

Antispandex October 15, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Don't be silly Miss! With what else would you beat the kitchen help?

fatbob54 October 15, 2012 at 6:52 pm

What he's really doing is teaching his kids it's ok to lie and it's better to look good than to do good

Geminisunmars October 15, 2012 at 7:09 pm

He is just reinforcing that lesson.

Franknflower October 15, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Is the the Ryan Egg and Spawn?

kittensdontlie October 15, 2012 at 9:11 pm

The warming trays have the children baffled.

SaintNixon October 15, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Why didn't he have his servants do it? Did I do that joke right?

coolhandnuke October 15, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I'll bet he does the dishes in about the same time he runs a marathon.

ChillBill October 15, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Missing from the picture is laughin' Mitt throwing dollar bills at Ryan.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 12:33 am

Mitt's the guy when your group leaves a tip is the last one to get up from the table to put his coat on and one of your colleagues catches him pocketing a quarter-to-half the tip. I have a relative who does that, and who'll even admonish you from leaving what they believe to be too big a tip. Dick.

CthuNHu October 15, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Wow — a Republican uses poor people as a prop AND a man avoids doing dishes! All in the same day!

What could happen next?

zumpie October 15, 2012 at 5:56 pm

We learn Mitty illegally shuffled some bucks around while he was gov??? Oh, yeah, right. We learn Abraham Lincoln is dead.

Francis Urquhart October 15, 2012 at 6:40 pm

What could happen next? Perhaps landing on an aircraft carrier in a fighter jet and proclaiming "Mission Accomplished".

NellCote71 October 15, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Thanks for bringing that particular memory back.

Schmannnity October 15, 2012 at 6:46 pm

I won"t come in your mouth and the check's in the mail?

Francis Urquhart October 15, 2012 at 6:52 pm

How distasteful! But funny.

Designer_Rants October 15, 2012 at 6:51 pm

The sun will rise in the East and set in the West?

Incitefully_Joe October 15, 2012 at 7:25 pm

A pope will shit in the woods?

A bear will help shield decades of child abuse from law enforcement?

UW8316154 October 15, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Ducks will take over the world?

starfanglednut October 15, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Kkkkkkkkkkkkk

NellCote71 October 15, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Story arc libel.

bobbert October 15, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Nut are you.

LastGasp October 15, 2012 at 5:49 pm

He's acting out Grover Norquist's old fantasy of dragging government to the bathtub (or in this case, an industrial sink) and drowning it. With the help of his kids

vulpes82 October 15, 2012 at 5:50 pm

That little girl (Bean?) is the one who's going to follow Daddy into politics. She's making such an effort to appear to be having a grand time washing that dish! She'll be Mean Girl Student Council President in no time.

Antispandex October 15, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Wow, Ryan, dude, you can't even get your own church type of people to go along with a fake photo op? That would so totally never happen in Utah! You've got to be better at pandering than that, if you want to make it in national politics! Pick your target better next time!

SmutBoffin October 15, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Mitt Romney: "Well, I'm finished fucking the dog."

Paul Ryan: "Can I hit that now, bro?"

LibrarianX October 15, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Honey, everyone know that The Help are colored.

Geminisunmars October 15, 2012 at 7:12 pm

I hope he eats lots of pie. Lots and lots of special chocolate pie.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 12:36 am

Eastern European mail-order slave…errr…maid libel!

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Paul is just working out his depression from Atlas Shrugged Part 2 following Part 1 into box office failuredom.

Terry October 15, 2012 at 6:15 pm

But the ad for the movie said it might just change the election! It's has to be a liberal plot!

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Well I think, like with the first, the Objectivist true believers are already calling the horrible reviews a liberal plot. But hey, it turn out a shitty story no one wants to see is still a shitty story no one wants to see, even with an all-new director and cast.

The best part? It made about the same amount of money as part 1, despite opening in nearly three times as many theaters.

Designer_Rants October 15, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Oh man, that almost makes up for the dnesh dsouza thing.

ManchuCandidate October 15, 2012 at 7:00 pm

So much for Rakes on a Train

Stevola October 16, 2012 at 12:49 am

It'll be fun to watch all three parts (you know they have to do Part III) and try to figure out who the characters are. Cos of the completely different casts.

Nah, that won't be fun at all.

Generation[redacted] October 15, 2012 at 5:52 pm

You know who else "ramrodded" his way in for a photo op?

weejee October 15, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Douglas MacArthur?

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Joe Dellasandro?

Beowoof October 15, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Jeff Gannon (Guckert)

SayItWithWookies October 15, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Hulk Hogan?

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 6:00 pm
calliecallie October 15, 2012 at 6:03 pm

George "Mission Accomplished" Bush?

gullywompr October 15, 2012 at 6:05 pm

The stingray?

Mumbletypeg October 15, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Shaka Smart?

Incitefully_Joe October 15, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Ron Jeremy?

memzilla October 15, 2012 at 6:22 pm
weejee October 15, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Ayeee!!!!

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Casey Donovan?

shelwood46 October 15, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Robert Maplethorpe?

rickmaci October 15, 2012 at 8:24 pm

OJ?

An_Outhouse October 15, 2012 at 8:28 pm

A roadie for the Grateful Dead?

Trannysurprise October 15, 2012 at 8:48 pm

John Holmes?

trampndirtdown October 15, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Rowdy Yates?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 15, 2012 at 9:57 pm
Doktor Zoom October 15, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Roger Ramjet?

viennawoods13 October 16, 2012 at 7:36 am

He's our man!

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 12:36 am

Jack Ruby?

Doktor Zoom October 16, 2012 at 1:51 am

I loved that band he and Lee started.

mille derps October 16, 2012 at 1:46 am

Eadweard Muybridge?

LibrarianX October 15, 2012 at 5:52 pm

We need to see Mitt in a coal mine!

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 5:55 pm

"under" works, too.

Lot_49 October 15, 2012 at 7:19 pm

His staff is still looking for the mine where they dig up clean coal.

LibrarianX October 15, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Clean coal is mined in Narnia.

glasspusher October 15, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Clean coal, military intelligence, jumbo shrimp…indeed.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 12:37 am

I guess we'll never see that photo-op.

Doktor Zoom October 15, 2012 at 11:52 pm

He's goin' down, down.

bobbert October 16, 2012 at 2:27 am

Damn you

gullywompr October 15, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Did you know that Republicans are a brazillion times more charitable than anybody else? It's true! Just ask one of them.

snowpointsecret October 15, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Don't tell me that the people spamming last night were charitable Republicans…

memzilla October 15, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Is that a metric brazillion or an English brazillion?

glasspusher October 15, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Imperial Brazilian?

whyyoubuggin October 15, 2012 at 5:53 pm

I cried because I had no food. Until I met man who had no dirty pots.

kittensdontlie October 15, 2012 at 8:47 pm

And the man who had dirty pots has been crying ever since last Thursday, when he met a man that took no prisoners.

Beowoof October 15, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Why do I think this is the first time little Pauly has recognized that there are poor people who need help and he didn't say, "Are there no work houses, are there no prisons?"

Stevola October 16, 2012 at 12:51 am

"Ooh, so this is what a workhouse looks like! Here, let me help you wash that clean pot."

CrunchyKnee October 15, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Awwww, it thinks it's people.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 12:40 am

This, one million times. Comment of the Week.

SayItWithWookies October 15, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Not only did Paul Ryan wash imaginary dishes, he then had a tea party with the bunny, the one-eyed teddy bear and the stuffed giraffe. The poor people weren't invited because they would just get dirt all over the caviar.

memzilla October 15, 2012 at 5:57 pm

When will Paul "Eddie Munster" Ryan stop forcing himself down the throats of the American people?

[Eeep. I have disgusted myself with a mental picture from reading my own sentence.)

UW8316154 October 15, 2012 at 6:12 pm

It's either Ryan down your throat or ducks getting you in the end with these people!

CrunchyKnee October 15, 2012 at 5:59 pm

The look on the woman's face in the pic is priceless. "Now, children, watch out for the crazy man."

shawnthesheep October 15, 2012 at 11:00 pm

I actually thinks that is his wife, which makes the look even better.

zumpie October 15, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Looky at the inferior mooching poors, kids!

coolhandnuke October 15, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Give a man an SOS pad and he'll pose for the cameras all day. Teach a man how to scrub out the poors and he won't starve for his entire life.

Wilcoxyz October 15, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Their tax plan is designed to give money to people who already have it, so why not wash a pan that's already clean?

Fox n Fiends October 15, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Atlas Scrubbed

Toomush_Infer October 15, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Hmmm, Atlas Flubbed?….

Geminisunmars October 15, 2012 at 11:51 pm

I'm hoping for (on Nov 7) Atlas Snubbed.

BoatOfVelociraptors October 16, 2012 at 12:05 am

Galt took his scrubbing bubbles home.

anniegetyerfun October 16, 2012 at 2:06 am

Well played, good sir/madam.

KeepFnThatChicken October 15, 2012 at 6:01 pm

These cocks would sit and eat a bowl of food in front of a homeless person.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 15, 2012 at 6:17 pm

While saying "MMmmm soo good!" And then dump the leftovers into the garbage disposal (or, more likely, have the plate taken away for them).

kyeshinka October 15, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Or just throw it at them.

T3rbo October 15, 2012 at 6:04 pm

It's all code: Ryan/Romney want to replace wasteful government social programs with more efficient (and poorly funded) faith based programs. This photo op that failed was a part of this messaging, something like "The food in here is so much better than what SNAP benefits can provide. Why, look at how many people line up every night!"
http://thinkprogress.org/election/2012/08/31/7846

Lucidamente1 October 15, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Wait, Paul Ryan was a dishwasher at The Ramrod?

terriblyfamous October 15, 2012 at 6:06 pm

That's how I choose to see the world.

zumpie October 15, 2012 at 6:09 pm

That what that Time photo spread was really about!

cousinitt October 15, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Oh, dishwasher. At The Ramrod. Is that what the kids are calling it now?

Typodong3 October 15, 2012 at 6:05 pm

I want him to fake-wash MY dishes. Cept, it wouldnt be fake, cause Id chain him to the sink and make him wash every damn one of the dishes, by hand, with no soap or washcloth.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 12:42 am

Black Snake Moan!

bobbert October 16, 2012 at 2:26 am

Woah, Sharon.

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 2:29 am

Is that the same rowdy crowd that was here last night?

bobbert October 16, 2012 at 2:43 am

They're here again.

Stevola October 16, 2012 at 12:54 am

Kinky bastard

calliecallie October 15, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Better than shooting them for skeet. (The pots, not the poors.)

"The dishes are done, man."

T3rbo October 15, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Oh I totally misunderstood. This photo was taken immediately after a strategy session with top GOP leaders meant to discuss which tax loopholes the Ryan/Romney budget would close. After the meeting, which totally happened, Ryan flew to the soup kitchen in Wonder Woman's invisible plane and then washed some dishes, no big deal.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 15, 2012 at 6:08 pm

What does it say on his apron?

T3rbo October 15, 2012 at 6:10 pm

"Asshole"

zumpie October 15, 2012 at 6:10 pm

I'm a Stupid Fucking Entitled Dickhead

T3rbo October 15, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Oh, my bad. I don't have my glasses on.

zumpie October 15, 2012 at 6:19 pm

No problem, It also says: "I'm gonna lose" and "I got my ass handed to me by OHJB"

SayItWithWookies October 15, 2012 at 6:19 pm

"Kiss me, I'm an overseer."

Dashboard Buddha October 15, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Kiss the Entitled Fratboy Motherfucker!

Dashboard Buddha October 15, 2012 at 6:21 pm

How do you take your poor?

coolhandnuke October 15, 2012 at 6:23 pm

"No Soup For You."

MinAgain October 15, 2012 at 6:23 pm

"Don't blame me. I voted for McCain."

Tequila Mockingbird October 15, 2012 at 6:29 pm

^ I'm with Stupid ^

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 6:33 pm

"Bend Over, America!"

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 15, 2012 at 6:34 pm

"Kiss the Cook (unless you have teh ghey)"

Lascauxcaveman October 15, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Kiss the Cook (a BJ would be nice, too.)

bikerlaureate October 15, 2012 at 6:42 pm

"You Didn't Cook That."

Steverino247 October 15, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Grill baby grill!

Monsieur_Grumpe October 15, 2012 at 7:06 pm

I'd rather be lobbying.

glasspusher October 15, 2012 at 11:22 pm

That was quite a sub-thread you inspired, sir, well played

bobbert October 15, 2012 at 7:07 pm

"Put the White Back in the White House"

FlownOver October 15, 2012 at 7:14 pm

"Fuck you and the wheelchair you rode in on."

TootsStansbury October 15, 2012 at 7:37 pm

This mud I'm standing in? It's Poorz, bitchez!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 15, 2012 at 6:10 pm

This just in: Lying liar lies, has photo taken.

barto October 15, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Ayn cringed while Atlas mugged.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 15, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Washing dishes is too nice of job for Ryan. May I suggest cleaning the grease trap?

SayItWithWookies October 15, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Wait — you want him to run his fingers through his hair?

Chet Kincaid_ October 15, 2012 at 7:52 pm

I tell you, it's a growth industry!

pepperpat October 15, 2012 at 9:00 pm

That's my retirement grease!

SmutBoffin October 15, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Volunteering is for communists.

rewinn October 16, 2012 at 12:14 am

Ryan appropriated the site (not his), grabbed a pan (not his), used up soap (not his) and water (not his) all without the permission of the owner. He's a commie!!!!!

sbj1964 October 15, 2012 at 6:13 pm

It's nice to see he is learning a new job skill after next month Paul Ryan will need it.

GeorgiaBurning October 15, 2012 at 6:22 pm

1st lesson- leave the Rolex in your locker

sbj1964 October 15, 2012 at 6:36 pm

He wont have that problem after he leaves the Pawn Shop.

TootsStansbury October 15, 2012 at 7:38 pm

From your keyboard to Karma's ears.

T3rbo October 15, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Oh my god, the comments on the WaPo site are fucking PRICELESS.

"I wonder if Paul Ryan and Kim Jung Il ran a marathon who would have the better time? I imagine that Kim would pull the whole "I won before you started" routine but I wouldn't count out Ryan on account of his craftiness and P90X!!!!!!"

Schmannnity October 15, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Wearing an apron. Sexual identity????? Paul Ryan's children (the beans) have two mommies???????

Ayn Rand Paul Tard October 15, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Maybe he's combining up Miff's superpowers with his own (ran a marathon AND saved a baby from a burning building at the same time) and retroactively cleaned those pots.

rickmaci October 15, 2012 at 6:18 pm

You know who else used the rural poor and needy in his country as props for a nationalist right wing agenda?

LibertyLover October 15, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Eva Peron?

zumpie October 15, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Foghorn Leghorn?

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Karl Rove?

Schmannnity October 15, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Tom Joad?

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Chancellor Palpatine?

YouBetcha October 15, 2012 at 6:53 pm

The aliens from Independence Day?

bobbert October 15, 2012 at 7:08 pm

George Wallace?

HogeyeGrex October 15, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Groucho?

An_Outhouse October 15, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Iggy Pop?

pepperpat October 15, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Godwin?

MosesInvests October 15, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Czar Nicholas I?

Doktor Zoom October 15, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Al Capp?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 15, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Andy Capp?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 15, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Col. Sanders?

glamourdammerung October 15, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Eric Rudolph?

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 2:32 am

Maya Rudolph?

bobbert October 16, 2012 at 2:42 am

Maya the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

(Okay, it's time for bed)

Incitefully_Joe October 15, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Jefferson Davis?

Barrelhse October 15, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Oral Roberts.

rewinn October 16, 2012 at 12:15 am

Generallissimo Franco (who is still dead)?

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 12:45 am

Dick Nixon?

Doktor Zoom October 16, 2012 at 1:48 am

Before he dicks you?

imissopus October 16, 2012 at 1:45 am

D.W. Griffith?

Doktor Zoom October 16, 2012 at 1:49 am

Bertha Van Nation?

imissopus October 16, 2012 at 1:52 am

Yeah, followed by his epic "Incoherence."

mille derps October 16, 2012 at 2:01 am

Joseph de Maistre?

MinAgain October 15, 2012 at 6:19 pm

He faked washing dishes? Okay, now the Romney-Ryan tax plan makes perfect sense.

pepperpat October 15, 2012 at 9:03 pm

I wonder if his wife can tell when he fakes it.

Not_So_Much October 15, 2012 at 6:22 pm

I think we maybe we're being too hard on him. Maybe he just really, really believes that nothing is truly clean unless it's scrubbed by a P90-X man?

LibertyLover October 15, 2012 at 6:23 pm

I don't know, ramrodding sounds perfectly heterosexual to me.

jdcapshew October 17, 2012 at 11:03 am

There was a notorious gay bar in NYC called "Ramrod".

BlueStateLibel October 15, 2012 at 6:24 pm

The part they didn't show: Willard stomps in and tells Paul he's just been fired, for the laughs.

MLHencken October 15, 2012 at 6:24 pm

As someone who actually runs a soup kitchen, I deeply resent this supercilious bullshit from Eddie Munster's nerd older brother.

trampndirtdown October 15, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Props to you. Link for donations?

Doktor Zoom October 15, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Hear, hear!

MLHencken October 16, 2012 at 8:24 am

Thanks, Gents. If you are so inclined, I suggest you support your local Episcopal Church. That's where we do our soup kitchen. Not all Chistianists are wingnuts.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 8:55 am

Amen. Some actually DO practice what they preach.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 10:44 pm

That's genuinely impressive, dude. Good on you!

And thank you. :0)

finallyhappy October 15, 2012 at 6:27 pm

hey, we were actually working at a shelter last night- cooked chicken and served dinner and where the hell was Ryan to help us???? Wonder if he has actually ever worked in a kitchen or a shelter- that little lying shit?

shelwood46 October 15, 2012 at 6:47 pm

In my experience, this is not an unusual way for rich people to "do" volunteer work, swanning in after the work is finished, making patronizing comments, taking credit.

An_Outhouse October 15, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Would you really want him there? There is some help I could do without.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 10:30 pm

"little"?

mrblifil October 15, 2012 at 6:27 pm

"Clean" is a misnomer. Just because all the food has been rinsed off and the residual oils broken down with soap products, the cleanliness dilemma does not end there. There is still always a chance that a person of color may have come into contact with the kitchenware at some point between removal of food (perhaps even during!) and shelf storage, so he was taking only the most basic precautions to ensure that by risking handling of the plates and flatware, variegation among the races shall not be compromised.

fuflans October 15, 2012 at 6:30 pm

gentlemen, this is not your demographic.

get out of my kitchen.

iburl October 15, 2012 at 6:31 pm

This is good news. When he loses next month, he can start looking for a new career in the dish-rinsing industry.

Schmannnity October 15, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Even if he loses both VP and US Representative elections, i hate to inform you that he will be a hedge fund Sr. VP or a Think Tank fellow at $500,000.00 + per year.

iburl October 15, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Why must you crush my fantasies so?

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 2:36 am

Or have some diddly-poop commentator job that Fox made up for him.

bobbert October 16, 2012 at 2:40 am

Nevertheless.

VeraSevera October 15, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Glad to see at least one group has taken up Newt's plan to have the poor youngins' doing janitor work for their character-building although it would have been more inspiring if Little Paul and friends were scrubbing the terlits.

owhatever October 15, 2012 at 6:39 pm

So I was thinking while washing that pan, what if we just scrub out the people who come to these places for free food? And charge their families for the bullets? Nobody would really miss them, since they won't take responsibility for their own lives. We could save a tidy sum by not having to give them food, shelter or tax breaks. That's what I thought.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 6:41 pm

And I have a modest proposal for disposing of their remains.

Beowoof October 15, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Someone needs to hit this dishrag in the nuts. (With a bag of Votes).

YouBetcha October 15, 2012 at 6:49 pm

This is my favorite news story of the week. Maybe of the month.

Plus, no time to take off his watch? "This is a Roche Vouceau. The finest water-resistant watch in the world. Singularly unique, sculptured in design, hand-crafted in Switzerland and water resistant to three atmospheres. This is THE sports watch of the '80s. Six thousand, nine hundred and fifty five dollars retail!"

HogeyeGrex October 15, 2012 at 8:14 pm

No need to take off the watch. You don't think he bothered to turn on the water, do you?

Also, what the fuck did they say to those kids? "Hey kids! If you stare into the pans long enough, a unicorn will pop out and gore your dad!"?

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 2:38 am

I don't think any of them would voluntarily use a sentence containing the word "gore".

Hammiepants October 15, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Honestly, how hard it is to do a photo op where you actually WASH A DIRTY DISH???

Geminisunmars October 15, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Eeeewwww. You actually expect him to touch some slime encrusted plate that has been handled by who-knows-who?

kittensdontlie October 15, 2012 at 9:04 pm

The plate responds: Eeeewww. You want you-know-who with the slime encrusted-hands to handle me?

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 2:39 am

It would be quite easy for anyone who has ever washed a dirty dish before in their life.

coolhandnuke October 15, 2012 at 6:50 pm

"You won't have Ryan to kick around anymore, because, gentlemen, this is my last dishwashing photo op."

coolhandnuke October 15, 2012 at 6:53 pm

"I am not a cook."
–Paul Ryan

bobbert October 15, 2012 at 7:10 pm

So much win.

viennawoods13 October 15, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Exactly.

starfanglednut October 15, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Indeed.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Def. impressive!

starfanglednut October 15, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Beautiful.

TootsStansbury October 15, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I'm the only one who read Brian Antal as Brian Anal?

I'm going to Hell am't I.

Geminisunmars October 15, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Dyslexic lleH

iamrrm October 15, 2012 at 9:35 pm

I understand that there is a very active Wonkette community there.

Doktor Zoom October 15, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Yes, but not for this.

Toomush_Infer October 15, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Dog says no….

rocktonsam October 15, 2012 at 6:57 pm

he had time to do dishes just after his two hour marathon, what a guy

Doktor Zoom October 15, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Joe Biden might do something like this, only he'd show up, put on an apron, fire up the grill, stick his head out the front door and yell "Seconds for everybody! Who wants scrapple?"

EDIT: Of course, he would probably yell that regardless of whether there was, in fact, any scrapple to be had.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 11:02 pm

I dunno why, but Handsome Joe strikes me as a "pancakes" kinda guy…

glasspusher October 15, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Steve Forbes would actually cook fer rilz on the campaign

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 12:49 am

And, he'd be sweet-talking all the female diners to boot. lol

fuflans October 15, 2012 at 7:01 pm

sudsgate.

JustPixelz October 15, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Just another day in the soylent green kitchen. ("Soylent green is corporations!")

It's like Watergate … but with real water.

If his muscles can't handle dirty pots, I'm quitting that XP90Z workout.

ManchuCandidate October 15, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Which one of these things is not like the others?
1) Soup kitchen helping the poor.
2) Water from municipal services paid for by local taxes
3) VP candidate and noted Ayn Rand masturbator Paul Lyin' Ryan

NellCote71 October 15, 2012 at 9:59 pm

1. Water quality regulated by the government.
2. Safe food standards set by the government.
3. Ibid.

Barrelhse October 15, 2012 at 7:09 pm

"Napalmolive?"
"You're soaking in it!"

glasspusher October 15, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Why, I remember when the least little thing would just put you to sleep!

Well played, sgt Scphincter!

viachicago October 15, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Thank you Paul Ryan once again you have underestimated the intelligence level of your fellow Americans. These recent photo ops have gone from ridiculous to insulting.

deanbooth October 15, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Did he call the kettle black?

FlownOver October 15, 2012 at 7:19 pm

We thought so, but he assures us he said "blah."

bobbert October 15, 2012 at 9:58 pm

The twat calling the kettle blah?

Dashboard Buddha October 15, 2012 at 7:16 pm

The perfect children: Look mama…Rosalita never gets our pans this clean.

Perfect wife: I know children…this just proves daddy right when he says that people do a better job when they're not being paid.

An_Outhouse October 15, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Its true. Give rich people more money and they create jobs. Give poor people money and they just sit around drinking 40 all day.

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 2:41 am

And also when he said that Those People are poor because they're lazy.

fuflans October 15, 2012 at 7:20 pm

hey, OT, but before tomorrow night's clusterfuck what are the commenting rules? i think i was moderated for saying 'romney' (the sin that dare not speak its name).

that would be quite a handicap during the debate…

Doktor Zoom October 15, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Actually, I'm pretty sure it's just IntenseReprobate being generally BAD. I know Rebecca's been trying to get hold of support. Hold on tight–it's going to be a bumpy ride.

bobbert October 15, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Well, certainly hope we can still comment when Mitt tells a big ryan.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 15, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Limited use of the Portuguese language.

JackObin October 15, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Did he wash Twit Romney's coffee cup?

shelwood46 October 15, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Someone who lives in the area pointed out that Ryan had to drive past at least a couple of homeless shelters in predominately minority areas to get to the one in white, suburban Canfield. Likely, this is because it was the only one he could get permission to enter (from someone not authorized to give permission), but it's not the best, as they say, optics.

I also like the part of the story where they let photographers take pictures of Ryan talking to "apparently" homeless people outside, but were adamant that all the reporters get on the bus out of earshot.

LibrarianX October 15, 2012 at 7:41 pm

shameless bitch…

barto October 15, 2012 at 7:52 pm

The missus seems to be sayin' "yer doin' it wrong."

bobbert October 15, 2012 at 9:54 pm

It's hard to get the right facial expression for "Yer not doin' it at all".

Schmegeg October 15, 2012 at 8:19 pm

He also brings attention to the delicious soup you can get for free if you are dying from starvation and can't otherwise afford to eat, get to the emergency room, or otherwise get on with it.

fuflans October 15, 2012 at 8:21 pm

bitch better be making someone a sammich.

An_Outhouse October 15, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Caption contest: "You see that – that's a poor person, right there. On the edge of the pan. Oh never mind, that's just dirt."

rickmaci October 15, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Give a man a free meal of soup and he will eat it up. Give a man a free meal of nothing and he will drink the dishwater, or something like that.

bobbert October 15, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Now that's some serious zen snark.

VespulaMaculata October 15, 2012 at 8:30 pm

File it with Romney pretending he knows to operate a clothes washer and McCain shopping for applesauce.

GeorgiaBurning October 15, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Next photo opportunity- homeless camp with a "We Built That- Romney/ Ryan" banner

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 15, 2012 at 10:17 pm

This needs to happen.

LibertyLover October 16, 2012 at 8:18 am

With a big tent….

poorgradstudent October 15, 2012 at 8:49 pm

I've refused to even run for president of my twenty-person grad student association and even I have enough political savvy to know that you shouldn't try to stage a photo op with a group that obviously hates you.

ibwilliamsi October 15, 2012 at 9:01 pm

He was just avoiding "Teh Poor Cooties".

Doktor Zoom October 15, 2012 at 9:11 pm

OT: You know what makes an interesting combination? Doing online scoring of SAT essays while listening to Ben Folds' "The Sound of the Life of the Mind."

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 9:31 pm

*looks at Dok Zoom*

Doktor Zoom October 15, 2012 at 10:01 pm

I abhor the SATs. But they pay pretty well.

I was only following the scoring rubric!

(It's gonna turn out that look was about Ben Folds, isn't it?)

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Oh, no. That was just such an esoterically OT combo, is all.

Kinda like me saying "parachuting from a flaming dirigible whilst ingesting 'shrooms is an interesting combination"…

Doktor Zoom October 15, 2012 at 10:21 pm

That's a remarkably apt description of how my brain feels while scoring the SAT essays online. Read one earlier tonight that said this:

"Why did America interfere and drop the atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki? We had many alliances, and even though the Jews in America were not in any danger, we had to act to save the lives of the Jews in World War II."

A got yer "Sound of the Life of the Mind" right here, kid…

(Then again, I also just read a pretty smart essay about global economic interdependence that got a high score.)

Lascauxcaveman October 16, 2012 at 1:22 am

Ha! My kid took the SAT a couple weeks ago; you're probably reading her essay right now. If you run across one with an absurdly extensive yet precise vocabulary, that's probably hers.

No lie, she's been having her teachers reaching for the dictionary since preschool.

Doktor Zoom October 16, 2012 at 1:44 am

She did great!

LibertyLover October 16, 2012 at 1:36 am

Can you score my daughter's SAT essay pretty high?

Doktor Zoom October 16, 2012 at 1:46 am

You bet! She wrote so well. I was impressed. I'm just glad she's not the one who wrote "During World War II, America declared war with Vietnam…"

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 9:01 am

Oh, God…

LibertyLover October 16, 2012 at 9:54 am

That Poor thing…

No, as much as my daughter rails against my liberal bias, at least she knows her history better than that! (At least I hope so!)

malsperanza October 15, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Hey, hold on, folks! Everyone knows the Ryans have been bringing their kids to do volunteer work at homeless shelters and soup kitchens since way back. Teaching them the value of service, kindness to others, and empathy for the unfortunate. See–here are a bunch of photos of them doing that every year since … oh, wait …

2009: http://www.celebitchy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009

2010: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00d8341c630a

2011: http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2011/09/obama-let

…nevermind, that was those other guys. Who are they again?

Toomush_Infer October 15, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Oh, that stings…

LibrarianX October 15, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Does he do toilets?

cheetojeebus October 15, 2012 at 10:11 pm

What next? Christ, tone fucking deaf….How long before we see his Beach Workout Tape? in a Speedo…with a Shake Weight….On Betamax?

iburl October 15, 2012 at 10:27 pm

All Employees Must Read Ayn Rand Before Returning To Work

spareme October 15, 2012 at 10:27 pm

So he washes a couple of clean pots, and his family dries them – so what? Do that for hours on end, with your back cramping, your feet hurting, you can't stand up straight for an hour. You go home smelling like shit. Fuck a single turn of your sleeve – you are stripped down to your tee shirt, sweating through it. After you are done with the dishes, you have the rest of the kitchen to break down.

Ryan – you are a pussy, get out of the industrial kitchens – you are not fooling me. Or anyone one else.

spareme October 15, 2012 at 10:28 pm

So he washes a couple of clean pots, and his family dries them – so what? Do that for hours on end, with your back cramping, your feet hurting, you can't stand up straight for an hour. You go home smelling like shit. Fuck a single turn of your sleeve – you are stripped down to your tee shirt, sweating through it. After you are done with the dishes, you have the rest of the kitchen to break down.

spareme October 15, 2012 at 10:40 pm

So tell me where any hard work was in this…I wish we could tape him changing a tire, working in a coal mine, sweeping a fucking floor. What a jerk.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 10:41 pm

That sounds like Reality. That's not where he's from.

Geminisunmars October 15, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Hey – it's no picnic driving a Weiner Mobile, ya know.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Hmmm. SOME lil' Wonklings (or whatever y'all go by) are still awake.

Pity this place closes down at night – my bf's gone to sleep and I'd sure rather talk with y'all than fool with this homework… :0/

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 12:02 am

Off to curl up with the Big Cat.

Sweet dreams, Wonklings!

bobbert October 16, 2012 at 12:52 am

Sometimes you have to wait for the night shift to arrive.

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 8:47 am

Night shift? Dang, I didn't even know there *is* a night shift.

emmelemm October 16, 2012 at 3:19 am

Is that your actual Big Cat in your avatar?

My mom has two little cats and one big cat, and I usually just call him "The Big One".

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 8:53 am

lol We actually do have two cats. The cat in my avatar is just a 'Net pic that makes me laff – that's the grumpiest kitty I've ever seen. If we could make these pics bigger, you'd laff , too.

But, since I chose BadKitty for my nick, the "Big Cat" is my bf, as I'm kinda vertically challenged (i.e., a runt) and he's 6'1".

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 8:58 am

PS – Your avatar makes me smile every time I see it, as does Weejee's. I'm sure it's lame to admit it publicly, but I think piglets are kinda adorable.

emmelemm October 18, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Old thread! Just wanted to say, piglets are adorable. Have you seen HRHMaddie? (She doesn't post that much.) She has a little piglet in red galoshes. It's simply the best.

mosjef October 15, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Just for the record, he also wears a button down shirt and an apron when he pretends to ramrod his wife.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Ew!

Jukesgrrl October 15, 2012 at 11:00 pm

OT: I voted today, friends. O happy day.

Ballots came in the mail Saturday, we marked them Sunday (took forever between the propositions, the judge retentions, and electing a board for our fire district … important in AZ). Then I hand-carried the ballots to the post office today and posted them inside for safety.

I also saw a second poll today (Rocky Mountain English/Spanish likely voters poll) showing:
Barack Obama 44% Mitt Romney 42% Gary Johnson 3% Jill Stein 1%

Love you, Gary Johnson.

zwoits October 15, 2012 at 11:08 pm

good on you!

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Hear, hear! EVERY vote counts!

MosesInvests October 15, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Early voting starts next week here in Tejas.

Blueb4sinrise October 15, 2012 at 11:23 pm

wOOt!!!

{I'm still staring at mine. }

bobbert October 15, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Weird thing — I got my actual vote-by-mail ballot today, but I've haven't yet received my sample ballot and assorted supporting documents. That's never happened to me before.

It only matters because I need to make sure I understand the fucking propositions. I live in a pinkish enclave within a pretty red district in California, so my votes for President and Senator are unnecessary, and my votes for Congress and state legislators are irrelevant. But that's life in a democratic republic.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 1:03 am

There is no kind of early voting here in Michigan, but I was able to get my grandparent's absentees in, today. Straight-ticket Democrat. Can't take any chances this time around.

Jukesgrrl October 16, 2012 at 1:28 am

I wish we had straight ticket in Arizona. Took me forever to fill out that ballot. No wonder some people who vote in a booth have to wait in line for 10 hours. We didn't have initiatives in Pennsylvania. That's what we paid a state legislature for. Here in Arizona, we have the usual run amok GOTP legislature + every Tom, Dick, and Harry nutball gets to put an initiative on the ballot. Turns out I vote NO on 80% of them.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 2:52 am

We have five state initiatives and one referendum on the ballot (and two local initiatives), and a whole slew of judges where I live on top of three Supreme Court seats and county seats and whatever in the fuck else. The ballot is crazy. Needless to say I was happy for the straight-ticket option, this year.

emmelemm October 16, 2012 at 3:15 am

See also: Washington state, where there are eleventy million initiatives and referendums on every ballot.

BoroPrimorac October 16, 2012 at 4:11 am

We've got seven tax related ballot initiatives on the Florida ballot. One of them is a prop 13 style amendment that will fuck up Florida like it did California. We also have a tax money for religious organizations bill that will totally pass. The two thousand and ten mid term elections will be kicking us in the ass for a few decades.

Jukesgrrl October 16, 2012 at 5:49 am

Tax money FOR religious organizations. They should be giving US money … starting with property taxes, as appropriate.

viennawoods13 October 16, 2012 at 7:25 am

I have got to say that in Canada we have it much easier in federal and provincial elections. The paper ballot has the names of the 5 or 6 people running to fill that seat. You put an X in the circle next to the name of the person you want. You fold up the ballot. And that is it.

smitallica October 15, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Does he make someone wash the babies before he kisses them?

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 11:05 pm

I'm much more concerned about whether someone washes (and disinfects) them AFTER…

Blueb4sinrise October 15, 2012 at 11:19 pm

This is the kind of thread that made Wonkette famous.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Sleepy? ;0)

Blueb4sinrise October 16, 2012 at 11:29 am

?
?

Toomush_Infer October 15, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Yeah, but what happened to that little kid that kept tugging on his apron strings and saying, "More, please." ….?

starfanglednut October 16, 2012 at 12:12 am

Oliver?

Jukesgrrl October 16, 2012 at 1:29 am

Already drugged and put to bed so as not to annoy the unwanted visitors.

Doktor Zoom October 16, 2012 at 1:46 am

That was no kid. That was a lobbyist.

Toomush_Infer October 16, 2012 at 8:32 am

Now this! – made me laugh hard…..

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 12:22 am

And yet these fuckers are still running neck and neck with the president in the polls. Disgusting. I have no snark for this at this exact moment, but it'll arrive before long.

mille derps October 16, 2012 at 2:07 am

“Just the place for a Snark!” the Bellman cried,
 As he landed his crew with care;
Supporting each man on the top of the tide
 By a finger entwined in his hair…"

bobbert October 16, 2012 at 2:13 am

It's a hell of a country, isn't it?

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 2:56 am

I'm honestly wondering what it takes to turn-off a so-called undecided voter if you're a Republican candidate? I mean, I thought the 47% comment should have been the nail in the coffin, but, apparently, we haven't yet found out what it takes to outweigh the president's blackness and so-believed liberality.

I mean, does Romney-Ryan have to hit a disabled soldier with his car killing them to make them flinch? I mean, what do they have to do?

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 12:30 am

Okay, is it possible that this guy is even more craven and dishonest and fake than Sarah Palin?

Ryan after taking the photo: "Now watch this drive…"

bobbert October 16, 2012 at 2:33 am

IMO, no. Palin is pretty much the platinum standard of cravenness, dishonesty, and whatever the noun form of "fake" is.

I actually think Ryan is kind of sincere, which makes him terrifying, like Reagan. He's so sincere that he doesn't even perceive his lies as being lies.

Now, in terms of lies per minute (LPM), I think I'd give him the edge over Palin. But she *knows* she's bilking the rubes; he thinks he's the fucking Messiah.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 2:59 am

I'm honestly not sure. I can imagine Sarah doing a lot. I can't imagine her going to a soup kitchen and setting up a shot with clean dishes. No way. I mean, between this and the marathon lie and all the others, I get the sense he knows exactly what he is doing and doesn't care if he gets caught. Ryan definitely shares this utter carelessness with his new boss.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 12:51 am

Needz moar rational self-interest.

MistaEko October 16, 2012 at 1:03 am

When I washed the poors' already-done dishes, they called me an opportunist.

When I asked why we couldn't eliminate this operation's tax deductions, they called me an asshole.

Jukesgrrl October 16, 2012 at 1:50 am

The story covering this in the Youngstown (scene of the crime) Vindicator is priceless. My favorite quote is from the women who let the visitors in, then lived to regret it:

"The event 'was a photo op,' she [dining hall coordinator Juanita Sherba] said. 'It was the phoniest piece of baloney I’ve ever been associated with. In hindsight, I would have never let him in the door … I didn’t know it was my place to say no,’ she said. 'I made a mistake.'

Phoniest piece of boloney? Is that like malarkey?

The director of the charity that runs the kitchen and the nearby food pantry said the society received $12,000 in federal money this year and raised about $175,000 to $200,000 in private donations for the kitchen, as well as $3,200 in federal aid this year and $75,000 in private donations for the food pantry.

The Vindicator article continued in its interview with the Society director, "'It’s not a Democrat or Republican issue. It’s a faith-based organization, and we’re not here to get someone elected.' … But he did specifically criticize Ryan for wanting to eliminate the small amount of federal money the society gets for the dining hall. "'That is a little two-faced to say the least,' he said."
http://www.vindy.com/news/2012/oct/16/soup-kitche

mille derps October 16, 2012 at 2:05 am

Interesting parallel with the volunteer guard at the synagogue who regretted inviting the police over…

bobbert October 16, 2012 at 2:17 am

As a Norwegian-German hybrid, when I heard OHJ say "malarkey", I knew that if it had been me, I would have said "baloney". I think "malarkey" resonates much better, but having zero Irish molecules in my DNA, it just wouldn't emerge naturally.

bobbert October 16, 2012 at 2:38 am

Also, too, I note in the article that it may have been the case that the pots Paulie washed were, in fact, not yet washed, because the campaign asked that a few pots be kept back so he could wash them. Now that really captures volunteer work — making the actual volunteers wait around until you show up to wash a couple pots.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 3:00 am

Can I just say that "Vindicator" is the most bad-ass name I've ever heard for a daily, and so incredibly appropriate given this particular story?

Jukesgrrl October 16, 2012 at 5:55 am

I KNOW! Don't mess with Youngstowners. They don't call car bombs "Youngstown tune-ups" fer nothin'.

imissopus October 16, 2012 at 1:54 am

See, eliminate the tiny amounts of federal funding going to soup kitchens like this one in order to balance the budget, and wealthy suburbanites will step in to help out! It's Ron Paul's fantasy come to life.

tessiee October 16, 2012 at 2:34 am

That jug-eared shitbird should be in a soup kitchen for real.

jamsie25 October 16, 2012 at 3:42 am

"jug-eared shitbird"

That is the best description of Ryan I've seen to date.

Sassomatic October 16, 2012 at 2:41 am

Are there any photos of the soup kitchen volunteers my attention is to be drawn to? Good, because I assume of the peasantry, and unfit for the visual consuming of my delicate eyes.

jamsie25 October 16, 2012 at 3:48 am

Paul Ryan must be a wizard. He's the only man in the universe who could stand over a steaming sink of 'dirty dishes', using those fabulous muscles to scrub off all the slop from poor people and his shirt is crisper and cleaner then when he took it out of the box. Simply amazing.

DahBoner October 16, 2012 at 6:21 am

I have one word for Ryan: "Argo"

Dr. Nick Riviera October 16, 2012 at 6:52 am

So in his fantasy world, he's a plate cleaner and a hedge fund manager is a job creator

decentcitizen October 16, 2012 at 9:30 am

So this is the new strategy? Insinuate yourself into a social welfare program and maybe people won't notice you intend to eliminate social welfare programs.

Jerri October 16, 2012 at 9:31 am

I always keep my watch and wedding ring on when I scrub out giant dirty pots in a sink full of soapy hot water. Keeps 'em looking good and working properly, I find.

ttommyunger October 16, 2012 at 9:34 am

Gosh, a Congressman volunteering to wash dishes in a soup kitchen! I am so impressed! I will definitely be voting for this wonderful man for any office he decides to run for. I also needz haz some new foil for my hat, which is become greasy and smelly…Thank You.

Esteev October 16, 2012 at 9:43 am

This is 1000% Obama's fault.

ph7 October 16, 2012 at 10:10 am

The full video is equally depressing. He's in and out in 5 minutes, including stopping at 1:20 to scrub non-existent sauce on a clean pan.

Disassembly October 16, 2012 at 10:33 am

Is cleaning a pot when it's not dirty like giving a woman an abortion when she's not pregnant?

jdcapshew October 17, 2012 at 11:02 am

I love that, Utter Douche Paul Ryan. That;s a good title for him.

eddieVroom October 17, 2012 at 11:37 am
Oz October 17, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Of COURSE he "ramrodded" his way in!

But still, it wasn't legitimate rape.

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 9:22 pm

The 925? I'm still not down with the West Coast lingo and can't figure out what this refers to, even though I'll be living there in just two weeks.

MosesInvests October 15, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Here in the People's Republic of Austin, we've got at least 2 guys who ride bicycles wearing thongs-and I don't mean zori.

Doktor Zoom October 15, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Congrats! I hate moving! I think I'd stay in my crapbox apartment even if I hit the lottery.

MissTaken October 15, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Area code. But since I'm a lame-o I still have my old 916 so you didn't recognize it.

Sactown! More than just a cowtown between SF and Tahoe, it's also the Capitol!

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Hmmm. I should get you to grade my test answers. You sound much more "balanced" in your scoring than many of my professors, who seem to base theirs on their mood, at the moment, or the phase o' the moon, or some damn thing …

glasspusher October 15, 2012 at 11:39 pm

I am quite glad I took the SATs before this essay stuff came up. I had my own rationales with the verbal that cost me, although I got a 590. Did much better on the math where there was less room for subjectivity. Glad it's paying you well. Grading summer school organic chem tests in grad school kept me afloat…long ago.

viennawoods13 October 16, 2012 at 7:40 am

I'm in the middle of a batch of Jane Eyre essays. One young man told me that Rochester "couldn't believe his eyes" when Jane came back to him at the end of the novel and "he was so glad to see her." Bonus marks to anyone who figures out what is wrong with that.

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Oh I hate it too; the moving is a huge pain in the ass, but being 2,800 miles away from the woman I love is even more of one, thus the move.

HistoriCat October 16, 2012 at 11:33 am

Sex is a VERY powerful motivator.

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Ouch again. Speedo man was, shall we say, interesting. He also had to be at least 60. And the funny thing was MissT was telling me about him just a few minutes before he ran past us; he does that regularly.

Really, some people need a sense of shame.

MissTaken October 15, 2012 at 10:55 pm

We saw that shit, too. For fuck's sake.

glasspusher October 15, 2012 at 11:03 pm

I sooo wanna moon that guy Nov 7th…

Fare la Volpe October 15, 2012 at 11:17 pm

I always knew you crazy kids were going to work out.

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 11:26 pm

I just don't want to have to see the Old Sac again.

Biff October 15, 2012 at 11:54 pm

I still have my old 415 number indelibly etched on my brain, and I moved from there in 1967.

Doktor Zoom October 15, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Sara well, she just can't bear
The stupidity, the boredom, the grind
She stays at school so that she can hear
The sound of the life of the mind
.
And it's noisy up there
It rocks me like a mother…

(True fact: "Sara" is in fact Nerd Goddess Sara Vowell, according to Nick Hornby, who wrote the lyrics.)

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Words I can ace. Numbers, tho, hate me… :0/

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Aw, thanks.

glasspusher October 15, 2012 at 11:55 pm

We would make a great team, or not. I love reading and writing, but I'm a scientist, and I had steady disagreements with the literature crowd in high school. I think we're ok now…

BadKitty904 October 16, 2012 at 12:01 am

Good deal! :0)

Lascauxcaveman October 16, 2012 at 1:58 am

Naw, Catholics don't see Obama the way the fundie 'tards do. Too many of them went to good Catholic schools to be that ignorant.

Again, I'm speaking anecdotally, from personal experience, having been born and raised in the Roman Church, etc. For instance, I was heartened to see a significant backlash against the attempted Kerry-smearing efforts that went on in my parish in 2004. And when some zealot parishoner made his little idiotic 'baby graveyard' with all the dozens of tiny white crosses on the church lawn, I didn't see anybody lining up to replace them when local kids vandalized it.

So I guess I'm saying, yeah, they're pretty swing. Like regular folks.

BerkeleyBear October 16, 2012 at 2:58 am

Oh, in the Bay Area it can get much, much worse. When I was in college, there was a dude in his 60s who liked to jog around the sororities wearing nothing but socks, shoes and a shit-eating grin.

It (and the nude-in protests that year in response to campus enforcing a public indecency law against the Naked Guy (long story)) proved the axiom that the people who want to get naked are almost never the people you want to see naked.

Jus_Wonderin October 16, 2012 at 9:14 am

Did he have jiggly oldz moobs?

viennawoods13 October 16, 2012 at 7:29 am

That's why first phone number is a great password retrieval question.

Jus_Wonderin October 16, 2012 at 9:16 am

Why put off to tomorrow what you can do…today?

glasspusher October 16, 2012 at 9:45 am

Well, my mood will depend on what happens Nov 6th.

Biff October 16, 2012 at 10:06 am

It was originally a party line on the Elmwood exchange. Over time it went from Elmwood9 to EL9 to 359 to 415-359-XXXX. Now I have to cheat to remember where the letters are on an alpha-numeric “dial”.

Doktor Zoom October 16, 2012 at 10:24 am

It didn't have any mention of Thursday Next?

(To be fair, Jane couldn't believe his eyes, either)

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