PROBABLY LESS CRAZY THAN TEA PARTY DUDES  4:55 pm October 15, 2012

Yes, Virginia, There Is A (Sad Befuddled Old Man Running For Congress Who Thinks He Is) Santa Claus

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Fuck you Martians! Well now we have TWO Sadz! First we watched the Span’s rerun of the Gore-Bush debate where Jorge Boosh said things like “an elderly,” and now we have read this Daily Caller piece about a seemingly sort of disassociative old man who is running for Congress (as a Republican) in Michigan, and who may kind of think he is Santy Claus. Now, why Daily Caller is going after a Republican is beyond us (sloooow news day?), but they not only point out old St. Nick’s possible need for therapy, but also his bankruptcy and how some lady follows him around calling him a crook. MEAN LADY, LEAVE SANTA ALOOOOONE.

In 1992, Bentivolio, out of cash and unable to pay his debts, filed for bankruptcy. Several years later, a creditor who was never paid as a result of the bankruptcy filing, saw Bentivolio in the newspaper: he had written a letter to the White House and secured an invite to head to Washington, DC and play Santa.

She confronted him at an Old Fashion Santa event, and, according to the court documents, accused him of being a “criminal,” and also called at least one possible client of Bentivolio’s and called him a “fraud and a cheat,” according to the court opinion.

During his testimony before the court, Bentivolio referred to himself as “we,” something noted in the court opinion, along with the fact that “he was reluctant when asked to refer to himself as ‘I.’”

Fuck that lady! As we learned on Reddit today, “Thats libel. Even if it was true, its still libel.”

Sure why not!

[DailyCaller]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 130 comments }

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Who you kiddin'? Everybody knows there's no Sanity Clause in Congress!

zumpie October 15, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Only Scrooge McDuck

ChillBill October 15, 2012 at 4:59 pm

"SANTA" an anagram for…SATAN!

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 5:02 pm

And SATANS is an anagram for TAN ASS!

snowpointsecret October 15, 2012 at 5:04 pm

John Boehner is Satan?

weejee October 15, 2012 at 5:14 pm

The tiered logic at teh Wonkette is just impeccable.

snowpointsecret October 15, 2012 at 5:19 pm

To be fair, I had a bit of an advantage on this one. John Boehner has been my representative for almost my entire life… All but a few weeks.

MittBorg October 15, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Not that there's any kind of order to it.

elviouslyqueer October 15, 2012 at 5:18 pm
ChillBill October 15, 2012 at 5:29 pm
Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 1:13 am

To the Beckian chalkboards!

SayItWithWookies October 15, 2012 at 5:00 pm

We'll know he's senile if he sells arms to Iran so he can finance the Contras.

mille derps October 15, 2012 at 5:00 pm

He may have been a sadistic, corrupt dictator but Saddam Hussein had great taste in hats, didn't he?

BornInATrailer October 15, 2012 at 5:04 pm

I thought it was marmalades.

WhatTheHeck October 15, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Especially that hipster hat he wore to the Baghdad Starbucks.

Callyson October 15, 2012 at 5:02 pm

During the line of questioning about why Bentivolio referred to himself as “we,” he noted: “Maybe I should have went to see a shrink.”

Shrink? Hell, you should have gone to see an agent to snare a Comedy Central audition…

Nostrildamus October 15, 2012 at 5:02 pm

The real Santa Claus is Sheldon Adelson. Or David Koch. I forget which.

fuflans October 15, 2012 at 5:27 pm

yeah i bet the koch brothers give dandy christmas presents.

zumpie October 15, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Right before they dick you up the ass

Lucidamente1 October 15, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Well, little Susan Walker believe in him, so just shut up.

snowpointsecret October 15, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I bet they'll be saying the liberals planted him to make them look bad on Fox News tomorrow.

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 5:03 pm

During his testimony before the court, Bentivolio referred to himself as “we,” something noted in the court opinion, along with the fact that “he was reluctant when asked to refer to himself as ‘I.’”

We don't have a problem with this.

zumpie October 15, 2012 at 5:38 pm

He's channeling his inner Palin

Isyaignert October 16, 2012 at 1:27 am

At least it's not the ol' Bob Dole third person routine.

Crank_Tango October 15, 2012 at 5:04 pm

I don't get it. Is that Biden or something?

SexySmurf October 15, 2012 at 5:04 pm

She confronted him at an Old Fashion Santa event, and, according to the court documents, accused him of being a “criminal,” and also called at least one possible client of Bentivolio’s and called him a “fraud and a cheat,”

Sounds like someone just earned herself a spot on the Naughty List.

SmutBoffin October 15, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Yay, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians!

Also, fuck Reddit.

WhatTheHolyHeck October 15, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Not for nuthin' but Mike and the Bots (aka the Rifftrax guys) are doing a live via satellite movie theater thingy a week from Thursday. They're smacking down "Birdemic."

Biel_ze_Bubba October 15, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Sounds interesting … how does it end, I wonder?

doloras October 15, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Santa goes back to Earth after nominating the laziest man on Mars as his replacement. Trufax.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 16, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Santa needed a replacement? On Mars? This is starting to sound like, I dunno, maybe one of those demented, so-bad-it's-good 1960's sci-fi flicks. Cult status cannot be far off.

doloras October 15, 2012 at 6:04 pm

DROPPO, YOU'RE THE LAZIEST MAN ON MARS.

usernameguy October 15, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Drop 'em, Droppo!

Nostrildamus October 15, 2012 at 5:04 pm

The difference between Bentivolio most Republicans is he only spends one night a year staring at ungulate hindquarters.

WhatTheHeck October 15, 2012 at 5:28 pm

oh deer.

Nostrildamus October 15, 2012 at 6:48 pm

I'm lookin' at you, Levi.

HRH_Maddie October 15, 2012 at 5:05 pm

War on Christmas!!!!!1!!

Callyson October 15, 2012 at 5:06 pm

According to Wikipedia, this appears to be a reliably Republican district:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michigan's_11th

Let the lulz begin!

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 1:17 am

Well, reliable once the Republican gets in since both the old and new district have a slight Republican advantage. But, this isn't a solid-red district. In fact, it's been labeled a toss-up, this year, one of the few true toss-ups in the country, in fact.

Callyson October 16, 2012 at 3:28 am

Ah…In that case, while my sick perverted twisted sense of humor would love to see this joker make it to Congress, the decent civilized “FFS we have to get the House back” side of me will have to root for his opponent. Knowing the wingnuts, they'll find some other way of making the news and making me laugh…

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 8:02 am

Well, the other guy is a Muslim doctor from India, so their will be entertainment value, alone, in how some of the tea party congressman react to him. lol Poor Dr. Taj.

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 5:06 pm

It's one of the best MST3K episodes ever! (Though Manos does top it).

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 5:10 pm

I dunno…Robot Holocaust was one of the best

"YesssssssssssssssssTark One…."

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Dude, c'mon. You think it tops "The Day the Earth Froze"?!? What with the sampo and all?

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 5:20 pm

KALEVALA LIBEL!

(I'm a Finn. It's in our contract)

emmelemm October 15, 2012 at 5:40 pm

I'm a part-Finn too! Kalevala forever.

deanbooth October 15, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Absolutely the best.

One night when the electricity went out, my son and I performed it for mom with candle shadow puppets.

Where is the multi-colored dome?!!

edgydrifter October 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Manos was brutal, even for MST3K. Personally, I always go back to Final Sacrifice when I need my fix.
Rowsdower!

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 5:17 pm

It's true, Manos was so boring and awful even the MST3K version can be hard to watch at points. Actually I think my favorite early episode is Pod People, and Hobgoblins my favorite Sci Fi-era episode. But Manos is definitely the worst movie they ever did.

Doktor Zoom October 15, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Thanks to MST3K, no one is so optimistic as to still think that Plan 9 From Outer Space is the worst movie ever made.

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Yeah; I've seen it, and while bad many of the MST3K movies were definitely worse. And one of these days I'm going to make myself watch The Room to see if it really is as bad as its' reputation.

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Oh, I don't know….Plan 9 was missing many things the other films had: plot, continuity, sets…props.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Any movie with Tor "Super Swedish Angel" Johnson in it is OK by me.

MissTaken October 15, 2012 at 5:29 pm

I saw Frogs once while drunk at a friend's house. It is horrible and begging for relatively recent MST3K treatment. I highly recommend it!

Stevola October 16, 2012 at 1:22 am

Plan 9 isn't even the worst Ed Wood movie. I vote Glenn or Glenda.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 15, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Trumpy no!

God that song still sticks in my head.

"Sack of monkeys in my pocket"

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Idiot control now!

Are you wearing your "I'm a virgin" shirt?

SorosBot October 16, 2012 at 1:21 am

And yay, the Pod People episode is on Youtube in its entirety!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPFOhUvXZx8

As is Santa Clause Conquers the Martians:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lqe7dlAXTkc

gullywompr October 15, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Manos was sooooooo bad, but the Torgo's Pizza sketch at the end is classic.

kyeshinka October 15, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Almost as good as Giant Spider Invasion.

Estproph October 15, 2012 at 5:21 pm

It's one of our Christmas traditions!

"I'm cold" ("and unfeeling")

("Gentlemen, we must be reasonable. We can't all be the Honey Nut Cheerios bee.")

TootsStansbury October 15, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Didn't they do Night of the Lepus?

zumpie October 15, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I prefer "Santa Claus" the one from Mexico featuring Satan and a cute little Lupita longing for "a dolly, ANY dolly"..

Also, too: "Zombie Nightmare" and that one with the horse faced girl singing about "shining her love" to Arthur Goidfrey so she could save kids from drugs or something

DonnyKerabotsos October 15, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I guess this must mean that the Daily Caller is down with the War on Xmas.

snowpointsecret October 15, 2012 at 5:08 pm

You'd think Republicans would hate Santa because he gives so many handouts.

kittensdontlie October 15, 2012 at 9:58 pm

But R-Santa takes your things, files bankruptcy,…leaving you with a lump of coal.

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 5:08 pm

There really is a Santa Claus. Been around since like the 1500's, but he wasn't always called Santa… but you know, Christmas night, flying, coming down the chimney, all true. Well he doesn't traditionally bring presents so much as you know, disembowel children, but otherwise…

MissTaken October 15, 2012 at 5:15 pm

He's got live reindeer and an AOL account. http://www.oldfashionsanta.org/

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Wow. That's…unusual.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 5:19 pm

"Owner Kerry Bentivolio scratches reindeer ear on a warm spring day."

While presumably, based on that pic, nekkid?

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Why is his suit green?

MissTaken October 15, 2012 at 5:38 pm

He's anti-commercial according to the Daily Caller. Yes, I clicked the clicky.

He dresses up as Santa – in green, because a red suit would be too “commercial”—and his sled is pulled by live reindeer.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 15, 2012 at 5:45 pm

"too commercial"

Fucking hipster.

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 5:46 pm

The fuck…?

Isyaignert October 16, 2012 at 1:33 am

SorosBot, you're really gettin' me in the mood for a Happy 'effin' Holiday!! Luvs me some traditional traditions.

BTW – Ladies and Germs – Don't forget to take a look at your bucket list and do at least one thing on it between now and 12/21/12 (my bd) if possible. That's when the Mayan calendar ends and the world as we know it may never be the same. Why, we might end the day as a puff of smoke (or maybe with one).

coolhandnuke October 15, 2012 at 5:08 pm

This is news, a Republican with a ruse to get young boys to sit on his lap.

gullywompr October 15, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Pia Zadora was in that movie, so I was unable to pay attention to anything else this post might be about.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 5:20 pm

And an adorable little moppet she was, too. Annoying…but adorable.

WhatTheHeck October 15, 2012 at 5:09 pm

As a true republican, he’s only in politics for the elves.

calliecallie October 15, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Christmas will be cancelled if this guy wins.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 15, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Fuck Santa. If those kids really want an xbox they should build it themselves.

zumpie October 15, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Or work as junior janitors to appreciate these things.Stupid, lazy moochers!

Unless they're born to rich parents, at which point they're already our betters and we should get used to bowing down.

Come here a minute October 15, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Said Bentivolio, "Fuck this shit — we'll have to cancel Christmas."

Doktor Zoom October 16, 2012 at 12:05 am

We'll do it live!

MissTaken October 15, 2012 at 5:11 pm

♫ We're making a list
We're checking it twice
Gonna find out who's
Naughty or nice
Santa Claus, who's me
We're coming
To town ♫

kyeshinka October 15, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Whaddaya mean there's no Santy Claus? Then who the hell is always breaking into my house every Christmas eve night and goes through the liquor cabinet?

edgydrifter October 15, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Santa is a liberal. The "naughty" list is a big lie. Nobody gets on it. You want conservative? Vote Krampus.

Isyaignert October 16, 2012 at 1:39 am

Jesus was a liberal fer Kreisssssake.

sbj1964 October 15, 2012 at 5:17 pm

An old fat white man running as a Republican never in a million years.

MinAgain October 15, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Hmm…I wonder how long before "coming down the chimney" replaces "wide stance" in the closeted Republican lexicon?

Schmannnity October 15, 2012 at 5:17 pm

He may think he's Santa, but the beard says al Queda.

Blueb4sinrise October 15, 2012 at 5:18 pm

From the Detroit Freep…it's getting even wilder.

Richard Starkey, …… served in the Guard with Bentivolio
http://www.freep.com/article/20121014/NEWS15/3101

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 5:22 pm

"I have a problem figuring out which one I really am, Santa Claus or Kerry Bentivolio," he said in his deposition. "All my life I have been told I'm Kerry Bentivolio, and now, I am a Santa Claus, so now I prefer to be Santa Claus."

no_gravity October 15, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Richard Starkey

Ringo?

MissTaken October 15, 2012 at 5:20 pm

This guy combines all my favorite things: Santa Claus, Congress, and schizophrenia.

elviouslyqueer October 15, 2012 at 5:20 pm

I would like to respectfully request a total ban on Daily Caller linkys. I may never, ever get the smell of douche off my computer screen.

weejee October 15, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Prefer the real Sandy Claws – Dungeness. Just a little lemon and butter…

MissTaken October 15, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Soon, very soon!

JustPixelz October 15, 2012 at 5:20 pm

But he was born in the North Pole! WND: Where's the birf cert?

His platform says: Gifts will be given at no charge. Sounds like socializm.

Santa Claus? Sounds kinda Messican.

Estproph October 15, 2012 at 5:22 pm

The past Archbishop of Turkey is now running for Congress. Will his staff be made up of 6-8 black men?

MissTaken October 15, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I've been debating how to decorate my office for the holidays. Was torn between Die Hard and A Christmas Story. Now I know I will do crazy Congressman-wannabe wearing green Santa Claus outfit in bankruptcy court. It'll be as American as apple pie!

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 5:34 pm

I told you, do Gremlins!

mrblifil October 15, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Last time I dealt with that motherfucker he broke into my house and left all sorts of shit lying around and I had to concoct a ridiculous story to keep my kids from going psycho with fear. Thanks for nothing douchebag!

SmutBoffin October 15, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Yeah, then this dumbass comes around just cold shakin' his jelly in the face of my be-kerchiefed old lady AFTER she had settled in for a long winter's nap.

fuflans October 15, 2012 at 5:27 pm

there is no room for santa claus and his socialist wealth redistribution in mitt romeny's america.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 15, 2012 at 5:34 pm

We don't see anything wrong with this. But, then again, we think we are Burgermeister Meisterburger.

Mumbletypeg October 15, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Christmas season fetishists are finding this story hard to masturbate to.

(Don't look at me. If you could measure my worth's weight in contempt for the season I'd be a rich, morbidly obese hag.)

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 15, 2012 at 5:45 pm

The Daily Caller is going after Santa Claus? Did they demand to see his birth certificate? Have they outed him as Kenyan? We all knew he is a Socialist, but have they been reshowing clips of Santa Claus is Coming to Town to show him passing out gifts for free, thereby destroying the Capitalist system?

Stevola October 16, 2012 at 1:19 am

He has elves building toys offshore for no pay, so it's all good

HistoriCat October 16, 2012 at 10:06 am

Things just haven't been the same since the unhappy ending to the strike by the Professional Elves Toy-making and Craft Organization …

weejee October 15, 2012 at 5:45 pm

To balance this story of a rethug running off the rails, how about an OT of one who got back on the track. Saint Ronald of Borax-o's budget guru David Stockman says "Bain Capital is a product of the Great Deformation" and that Willard is not, was not, a job creator, but just a greedy asshat.

Warning that the article is looooooooong and over at the Daily Beast. But if you have some time to kill before quitting time and yer boss is already drunk, then click the clickie.

Isyaignert October 16, 2012 at 1:52 am

Great link weejee! Also, too, I am heartened that most of the comments I'm seeing to online stories about Rmoney and Rayn are unfavorable. People are wary of the "trust me" shtick that those two greasy guys are trying to sell. Obama got us on the right track and if we can give him a sane Congress and SCOTUS, we'll all benefit; even the rich.

MosesInvests October 15, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Santa Claus wears a red suit-he's a Communist.
Has a beard and long hair-must be a pacifist.
What's in that pipe he's smoking?

CZL October 15, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Reddit delenda est.

Incitefully_Joe October 15, 2012 at 5:56 pm

She confronted him at an Old Fashion Santa event,

Tell me, is "Old Fashion Santa" another name for Fancy Santas? Because Fancy Santas are complete bullshit.

Isyaignert October 16, 2012 at 1:56 am

Joe – THANK YOU for that link!

Butch_Wagstaff October 15, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Now I have that "Hooray for Santy Claus" song in my head. I return to Wonkette & this is what happens to my brain.

IceCreamEmpress October 15, 2012 at 6:28 pm

"Old Fashion Santa" is weirdly the thing that annoys me most about this whole shmeggege. "Old FashionED," numbskulls! Just like the drink, which I now need. It's always the "English-only" types who get this shit wrong, too. Morans.

So what was with the "we" business? Just regular delusional psychopathy, or "freeman on the land" magics?

Also, he may be a Republican, but his name still ends in a vowel, and Tucker C. can't be having any of that.

miss_grundy October 15, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Oh, lordy! This is the doofus who is running for Thaddeus McCotter's seat in Congress! I've volunteered for the Democrat running for the seat, Dr. Syed Taj. So Reindeer Man (as I call him) has made it into Wonkette. Guys, seriously, this man is cuckoo for cocoa pops. But, according to the Detroit Free Press, he is the front-runner because he is running as a Republican, even though he is a tea-bagger and, perhaps, cuckoo. This just makes me sick!

PuckStopsHere October 15, 2012 at 9:12 pm

If this guy wins, he will become my congressman. God, it's tough to live in this country sometimes.

Dashboard Buddha October 15, 2012 at 10:16 pm

As Chillbill said, ""SANTA" an anagram for…SATAN! "

Years ago, I tried to pick up some extra cash playing Santa one fine Christmas season. Long story short, the people I worked for were douchebags, so I changed the sign from Santa This Way to Satan This Way.

Good times…good times.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 1:09 am

It's for this reason that Michigan may be getting an Indian Muslim with an accent in Congress, this year, god willing. Show a little luv to Doc Taj.

BTW, the establishment despises this guy in this moderate(ish) district, and it's believed that they've been leaking all of this to the media over the months since he got his party's nomination.

BTW x 2: This guy was a high school teacher who was written up so often for his behavior that it made news earlier in the campaign. This man is a hot, hot mess.

ttommyunger October 16, 2012 at 9:47 am

Santa Libel.

decentcitizen October 16, 2012 at 10:08 am

It has come to this. No person in the right mind wants anything to do with public service. It's now the sole province of lunatics and sociopaths.

elviouslyqueer October 15, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Oh man, I loved Frogs! It was like a cross between "Dynasty," "Live and Let Die," and "Swamp People." With menacing amphibians, even.

Doktor Zoom October 16, 2012 at 12:03 am

Also not to be missed: Troll 2, the movie that is not actually a sequel to Troll, is not actually about trolls, and was written in English by its Italian director, who refused to listen to the American actors' suggestions to change lines so they sounded a little more like, you know, spoken English. A good double feature would be to pair it with Best Worst Movie, a documentary about the phenomenon of Troll 2 fandom.

Someone said that Troll 2 looked like a movie made by aliens who knew all the technical aspects of shooting and editing a movie, but had never actually seen human beings.

MissTaken October 15, 2012 at 5:49 pm

It's like the show Revenge but instead of ninja white girls, there's frogs!

doloras October 15, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Santa has only worn a red suit since a Coca-Cola ad about 100 years ago, so this crazy dude has got it right.

kittensdontlie October 15, 2012 at 9:30 pm

He has never denied it.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 15, 2012 at 11:16 pm

It stinks!

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