STOP HITTING MY FIST WITH YOUR FACE  3:30 pm October 15, 2012

Crown Heights Cops Tenderly Wake Sleeping Homeless Dude With Their Fists

by Rebecca Schoenkopf


Here is the hilarious punchline for today’s zany escapades of the Crown Heights Coppers: the dude they woke, harrassed, and then beat the fuck out of and pepper-sprayed for sleeping in a synagogue had permission to be sleeping in that synagogue all along.

According to CrownHeights.info, the man, Ehud Alevi, is being charged with assaulting a police officer, just like Abner Louima raped that plunger.

Wocka wocka wocka!

[RadleyBalko]

 
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{ 151 comments }

Oblios_Cap October 15, 2012 at 3:33 pm

They have Jewish homeless people?!??

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Yes, at times as many as fourteen at once!

Oblios_Cap October 15, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Oy!

mille derps October 15, 2012 at 3:49 pm

More than enough for a minyan.

(Assuming they're all men.)

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Except for the harlot.

finallyhappy October 15, 2012 at 5:34 pm

or if they are Reform or egalitarian conservative- women count!!(I know because I do)

SexySmurf October 15, 2012 at 3:38 pm

He was just too cheap to rent an apartment.

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 3:41 pm

He probably has a really nice house with a wife and everything.

Including the fourteen kids.

He goes homeless every so often just for the peace and quiet.

Esteev October 15, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Slum-bering?

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 3:49 pm

You ever been to Kiryas Joel? I wouldn't house a carnival sideshow in some of those shitholes.

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 3:57 pm

It was shocking enough to see lots of white homeless people out on the west coast; now you're telling me there's Jewish homeless?

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 4:01 pm

I told my cat that if I ever got fired, the first thing I'd do is move to Venice Beach with him.

Chet Kincaid_ October 15, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I'm not sure if the "white homeless" thing is snark, but here are some Godless Facts: http://www.endhomelessness.org/pages/faqs#demogra

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 2:06 am

Where I live, the homeless population is a veritable rainbow. I've never associated homelessness with one group or another. It's weird to even hear you guys joking about this.

sullivanst October 15, 2012 at 3:33 pm

And they wonder why they might not be universally popular…

Straight Outta Compton Crown Heights.

Lucidamente1 October 15, 2012 at 3:34 pm

I'm not sure that that police procedure was kosher.

BornInATrailer October 15, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Pigs never are.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 2:08 am

**Zing!**

Shit just got real.

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Ehud Alevi? Sounds Catholic. I can see how the cops might have been mistaken, him being in a synagogue and all.

Lucidamente1 October 15, 2012 at 3:35 pm

You know what they do to people they find sleeping in mosques?

Esteev October 15, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Bug their communications?

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Invade their homelands?

WhatTheHeck October 15, 2012 at 3:52 pm

They catch ’em in mosqueto netting?

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 3:54 pm

*facepalm*

WhatTheHeck October 15, 2012 at 4:01 pm

sorry about that.

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 4:03 pm

S'oright. I'm probably owed a few facepalms myself.

Generation[redacted] October 15, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Drone attack?

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 3:35 pm

911 really is a joke.

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I have to give the cop credit: he took that boxing class to heart. Had that whole "Apollo Creed" stance down pat before he lunged, dropped his guard and got all off balance.

BornInATrailer October 15, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Jewish sleeper cells are way more boring than the Muslin-y ones.

mille derps October 15, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Win!

Oblios_Cap October 15, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I was watching a commercial where this cop was saying there was no worse crime than to kill a cop. I beg to disagree, seeing as I don't feel that their live's are any more sacred that any other member of John Q. Public's (and probably less than some's).

"To Protect and Serve.", my ass.

sullivanst October 15, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Well, there's no worse punishment than that dished out to cop-killers. If you're lucky, your extrajudicial execution will be quick.

EatsBabyDingos October 15, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Well, he did call the cop a son of a lubovich.

mrblifil October 15, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Actually I think the beating commenced as a response to the homeless guy asking the cop "Are you Jewish…?"

snowpointsecret October 15, 2012 at 3:38 pm

"Assaulting a police officer" is roughly translated as "flailing and making slight contact while being mauled and pepper sprayed after being rudely awakened."

sullivanst October 15, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I saw him maliciously strike the nice policeman's fist with his face, repeatedly.

bumfug October 15, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Anyone who teaches a kid that the policeman is his friend should be charged with child endangerment.

hagajim October 15, 2012 at 3:44 pm

They are your friends – until you hit about 8.

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Six, if you're black. Four, if you're Hispanic and look illegal.

Jus_Wonderin October 15, 2012 at 3:38 pm

When did being homeless become a crime? Really, I want to know. Or…I want to know before I become homeless.

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Trespassing.

What boils my noodle is, the guy wasn't hurting anyone and it's a fucking synagogue. The private security dick could have at least called the rabbi and asked what he should do. Maybe the temple policy is to give them a cot, feed 'em in the morning and send them on their way.

James Michael Curley October 15, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Read Papachristou v. City of Jacksonville, 405 U.S. 156 for a discussion of the difficulty enforcing a 'vagrancy statute (or ordinance)'. As much of that which is defined in law determined as unconstitutionally vague are activities people often engage in during the routine day.

Faced with what was becoming a frequent conundrum of defining vagrancy as a crime and providing necessary intent to commit an act which would make the vagrancy a crime, the term 'Homeless' started to evolve. Proving someone was homeless is a lot easier that that they are a vagrant. Jumping from merely homeless to homeless as a state which requires action then is made easier by the facility provided under health and safety statutes.

Still, in far too many cases and the one above, the crime charges gets artificially merged with the authority to take an action based on a civil need to reduce the presence of homeless people due to health and safety. Thus the request to 'move on' soon becomes alleged as the crime of resisting arrest when the homeless person does not 'move on.'

Trespassing as actor212 pointed out is another issue.

Allmighty_Manos October 15, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Needz more Bob Saget

Jus_Wonderin October 15, 2012 at 3:42 pm

America's Funniest Videos or An Actor's Tragically Sad Career?

LesBontemps October 15, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Nah, this going straight to Tosh.0 Video Redemption.

Tequila Mockingbird October 15, 2012 at 3:40 pm

At the 4-minute mark there are TWELVE cops in that room. WTF?

Esteev October 15, 2012 at 3:50 pm

I saw that too. But it looks like sleeping beauty was about to turn the tables on the arresting officers.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I'm sure the lawyers of Crown Heights are looking forward to a *very* happy New Year, indeed.

An_Outhouse October 15, 2012 at 3:55 pm

you never know when you might be dealing with Super Jew.

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 3:55 pm

A doctor who's also a lawyer AND an accountant???

Esteev October 15, 2012 at 3:56 pm

The Jeweler!

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Well Superman was Jewish.

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 4:00 pm

How the hell they circumcise him? His skin was invulnerable.

WhatTheHeck October 15, 2012 at 4:06 pm

They did it underwater by using 4 skin divers.

MosesInvests October 15, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Kryptonite knife.

doloras October 15, 2012 at 5:19 pm

His olds circumcised him back on Krypton where he didn't have superpowers. Trufax.

Chet Kincaid_ October 15, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Huh!? Ben Grimm and Magneto were, for sure.

Tequila Mockingbird October 15, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Kal-El is Hebrew for "voice of God." Jerry Shuster & Jerry Siegel were both Jooz.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 15, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Maybe they thought he was a Golem?

Allmighty_Manos October 15, 2012 at 4:02 pm

The guys head just wouldn't stop attacking the cops fist, so he needed back up.

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Seriously, you ever want a major police invasion, tell them an officer needs assistance in a neighborhood that is a) predominantly black (which Crown Heights is) and b) has been the scene of more than one full-scale riot before (which Crown Heights has).

Ehud here is probably lucky he wasn't SWATted.

James Michael Curley October 15, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Candy finished her show in the locker room?

HarryButtle October 15, 2012 at 5:39 pm

The clown squad car emptied out and they all came waddling in.

Boojum October 15, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Homeless Beauty, the sleepy guy, looked like the pictures of White Jesus you see in Babdist Churches. Maybe the cops were trying out for a role as the 'postles.

mrpuma2u October 15, 2012 at 3:42 pm

What a couple of schlameels!

CrunchyKnee October 15, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Of course the piggies will just get a nice paid leave, then things will be buried.

MissTaken October 15, 2012 at 3:43 pm

♫ It's hard to be Jewish in Crown Heights, Yo ♫

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Now I'll have that stuck in my head all afternoon!

Esteev October 15, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Paid administrative leave seems like a reasonable punishment for this officer.

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Whoa, fella! Let's not let him off too easy! After all, the guy was white!

Esteev October 15, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Well, we certainly can't have him crucified.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Hey, we all have our crosses to bear…

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Nailed it!

Mumbletypeg October 15, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Did our blog wake up and find itself shipped to arrived at Afghanistan, finally?

sent from my Third World nightmare phone

elviouslyqueer October 15, 2012 at 3:44 pm

it appears that a volunteer security guard was not apprised of this arrangement, and called police when he found a shirtless Halevi asleep in the lounge. The security guard, Zlamy Trappler, 24, can be seen arguing with Halevi at the 30 second mark. He now tells the Daily News, “I regret making the call. I should have let him sleep. It spiraled out of control.”

What is "No fucking shit, you fucking idiot?", Alex.

emmelemm October 15, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I regret sincerely that mistakes were made.

Chet Kincaid_ October 15, 2012 at 4:22 pm

I don't think he's the only one to blame — somebody else should have thought to inform the poor guy.

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Not to mention that he probably thought the cops would just get the guy out of there, not beat the shit out of him.

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 15, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Surely he saw the pool cues there. That should have been his first warning that cops should not be involved.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 2:21 am

I mean, it's not like the NYPD are known for their brutality or anything. Plus, the homeless man was white(ish)!

sharethegrief October 15, 2012 at 3:44 pm

There must have been a Dunkin Donuts nearby.

kittensdontlie October 15, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Or not, judging by their ill mood.

sullivanst October 15, 2012 at 4:09 pm

The ill mood might be caused by the fact that they were interrupted mid-donut.

Judging by the size of most of them, they certainly have easy access to all the deep-fried carbs they can eat.

GeorgiaBurning October 15, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Bagels are doughnuts too, my friend

Jus_Wonderin October 15, 2012 at 3:45 pm

There are those days, Rebecca, that I truly believe you want me fully pickled in my Vodka/Tonic by Noon CST.

hagajim October 15, 2012 at 3:45 pm

One negative thing about video cameras being everywhere, they can now catch the cops being their normal dicksih selves. Needs moar under rug sweeping.

SpiderCrab October 15, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Such brave officers. It's especially gratifying to see the little lady getting in her equal opportunity licks.

BloviateMe October 15, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I bet those cops are fantastic, understanding and endlessly patient parents.

mrblifil October 15, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Send him to the emergency room, I'm told you can get some very nice deals.

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Oh, I see! The cops were merely trying to get him back on his feet by breaking his ankles!

Esteev October 15, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Pull oneself up by your full-body cast?

CrunchyKnee October 15, 2012 at 3:48 pm

And the guy isn't even a blah!?! We truly have transcended racial inequality.

actor212 October 15, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Post-facial America!

RedStatePinko October 15, 2012 at 3:48 pm

NYPD Motto: "Licensed to Hit You in the Face! Because, you know, 9/11."

Esteev October 15, 2012 at 3:57 pm

If you see something, beat the shit out it.

kittensdontlie October 15, 2012 at 4:15 pm

The traditional welcome for immigrants includes more gut punches.

Jus_Wonderin October 15, 2012 at 3:49 pm

When "stuff" happens in sacred places…isn't that pretty cold evidence that god is diddling in another universe?

Oblios_Cap October 15, 2012 at 3:51 pm

That mohel is certainly performing the brit milah the wrong way!

ManchuCandidate October 15, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Lullaby, and good night,
With angry cops out for a fight
With billies clubs out, rules shed,
Beating on your sweet head.
Lay you down now, and bleed,
May your beating be on video feed!
Lay you down now, and bleed,
May thy beating be on video feed!

Esteev October 15, 2012 at 3:52 pm

If there is any consolation, Ehud Alevi will no longer be homeless after a nice settlement with the City.

emmelemm October 15, 2012 at 3:57 pm

How'd that work out for the guy who was raped with a toilet plunger handle?

Esteev October 15, 2012 at 4:02 pm

That's cause it wasn't legitimate rape.

I'll show myself out.

Bonzos_Bed_Time October 15, 2012 at 10:15 pm
Toomush_Infer October 15, 2012 at 3:52 pm

That gal cop was trying out for a role in "Fiddler on the Feet"…

Goonemeritus October 15, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I refuse to believe this video, I have watched many episodes of Barny Miller and nothing like this ever occurred.

CrunchyKnee October 15, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Fish woulda' never done that type of shit.

Chet Kincaid_ October 15, 2012 at 4:27 pm

…unless Coppola was the director.

Jus_Wonderin October 15, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Though, there was that one "Very Special Episode" of Blossom that handled this subject with deft compassion and was quite informative.

mayor_quimby October 15, 2012 at 4:30 pm

As a kid, all I remember those cops doing was stand around drinking coffee, never solving any crimes. Kind of a boring, no drinking or fucking version of The Wire.

An_Outhouse October 15, 2012 at 3:53 pm

just don't call them pigs.

MosesInvests October 15, 2012 at 5:02 pm

That wouldn't be kosher.

SayItWithWookies October 15, 2012 at 3:57 pm

There's a certain conflation of legality with morality that appeals to the simpleminded and which seems to attract violent morons to law enforcement — more so now that emigrating to South Africa isn't as fulfilling an option for them as it used to be.

pdiddycornchips October 15, 2012 at 4:39 pm

So where do things stand now? Have the charges been dropped? What about the cops? Are they on restricted duty? Has the Precinct commander been reassigned? Ray Kelly hasn't said shit. He's hoping this will all blow over and he can get back to his regular table at the 21 Club. NWA was right, fuck the police.

HRH_Maddie October 15, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Oy, what a Shanda!

mayor_quimby October 15, 2012 at 4:03 pm

We all do realize that if Jeebus did come back, he might end up sleeping in a Synagogue, wearing a beard and hair like that, kinda just couch-surfing across the land with his bros. Until he meets the NYPD that is, then that's his ass!

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Wasn't He some kinda furriner?

Jus_Wonderin October 15, 2012 at 4:08 pm

"What if God were one of us…………………….."

WhatTheHeck October 15, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Canadian?

Esteev October 15, 2012 at 4:13 pm

White?

calliecallie October 15, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I was just humming that in my head….

Jus_Wonderin October 15, 2012 at 4:23 pm

I had a excellent response but I used the word that is the name for the lever we pull when we fire a handgun…and my comment was banhammered.

BornInATrailer October 15, 2012 at 4:16 pm

WTF are you talking about? Muscular Christ would start a small business.

mayor_quimby October 15, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Very very true, but this guy could be cheap-ass Jeebus, sleeping in his 'office' like Paul Ryan to save a buck. But I do think that it's funny that they beat down a dude, who was doing something that Jesus would literally do.

pdiddycornchips October 15, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Shit, Jesus would be on the No Fly list. He's from Bethlehem in the Palestinian Territories, he's an agitator.

BornInATrailer October 15, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Augenglasnacht.

Antispandex October 15, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I believe you have confused attempts to restore the poor soul to sensibitlity, with aggression. Thank god they were able to revive him! I know of many other attempts, of a similar kind, that have failed.

coolhandnuke October 15, 2012 at 4:06 pm

This beatdown could have been avoided if he told the cops his name was George Zimmerman.

Doktor Zoom October 15, 2012 at 4:08 pm

For breakfast, we'll give you a nice bowl of Kix.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Silly rabbi, kicks are for Y…oh, never mind…

weejee October 15, 2012 at 4:11 pm

And some kix in the teeth?

Wilcoxyz October 15, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Ms. Piggy there is batting better than A-Rod.

calliecallie October 15, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I smell bacon…wait, in a synagogue?

jakegittes October 15, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Can't we all just get along?

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 15, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Hey, that one is a lady cop! Equal opportunity police brutality.

CommieLibunatic October 15, 2012 at 4:24 pm

If these are supposed to be New York's finest, I'd hate to see its worst.

Blueb4sinrise October 15, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Obviously this is all the fault of Occupy Crown Heights.

Incitefully_Joe October 15, 2012 at 4:40 pm
oenspiek October 15, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Why doesn't the Mayor order these cops to commit suicide, for disgracing the city?

Because that would be bad, mmkay?

MaxUdargo October 15, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Mr. Monk had to beat that guy up. He was a hippie, but the bad kind of hippie.

pdiddycornchips October 15, 2012 at 4:50 pm

The NYPD, replacing competence with violence since 1845.

BornInATrailer October 15, 2012 at 4:52 pm

You know what would solve this? Privatization.

Negropolis October 16, 2012 at 2:18 am

I love how all of the rest of them come into the room about halfway through as if it's some kind of emergency, even after they see the guy's already been subdued. Must have been a slow day in the good ole NYC. I see they gave him the Occupy special and then Supersized it.

decentcitizen October 16, 2012 at 9:56 am

Looks like the premise of a promising cop-buddy movie.

ttommyunger October 16, 2012 at 9:57 am

Jeez, I know it's a shitty job, your boss is a prick, the hours are long and your pay is low, but you've got to find some other way of venting your frustration, guys and gals. If the public turns completely against you it will just make your job more difficult and unpleasant. I know this won't do any good, but it needs to be said.

just_a_head October 16, 2012 at 8:23 pm

One of the many reasons that my boy child will never have my blessing to be police officer. The police force seems to turn many previously lovely, reasonable people into dick-swinging, blood-thirsty assholes.

Esteev October 15, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Heavens no. I don't even like running into Fundies of any sort on the Internet.

Esteev October 15, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Coming out of your cave I see.

Lascauxcaveman October 15, 2012 at 4:03 pm

No, that's me.

Nostrildamus October 15, 2012 at 4:20 pm

You & I watch the same porn.

finallyhappy October 15, 2012 at 5:36 pm

I saw a play about that here in DC

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