Here is the hilarious punchline for today’s zany escapades of the Crown Heights Coppers: the dude they woke, harrassed, and then beat the fuck out of and pepper-sprayed for sleeping in a synagogue had permission to be sleeping in that synagogue all along.

According to, the man, Ehud Alevi, is being charged with assaulting a police officer, just like Abner Louima raped that plunger.

Wocka wocka wocka!


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  • Oblios_Cap

    They have Jewish homeless people?!??

    • Yes, at times as many as fourteen at once!

      • Oblios_Cap


      • mille derps

        More than enough for a minyan.

        (Assuming they're all men.)

        • Except for the harlot.

        • finallyhappy

          or if they are Reform or egalitarian conservative- women count!!(I know because I do)

    • SexySmurf

      He was just too cheap to rent an apartment.

      • He probably has a really nice house with a wife and everything.

        Including the fourteen kids.

        He goes homeless every so often just for the peace and quiet.

        • Esteev


          • You ever been to Kiryas Joel? I wouldn't house a carnival sideshow in some of those shitholes.

          • Esteev

            Heavens no. I don't even like running into Fundies of any sort on the Internet.

    • SorosBot

      It was shocking enough to see lots of white homeless people out on the west coast; now you're telling me there's Jewish homeless?

    • Negropolis

      Where I live, the homeless population is a veritable rainbow. I've never associated homelessness with one group or another. It's weird to even hear you guys joking about this.

  • sullivanst

    And they wonder why they might not be universally popular…

    Straight Outta Compton Crown Heights.

  • Lucidamente1

    I'm not sure that that police procedure was kosher.

    • BornInATrailer

      Pigs never are.

      • Negropolis


        Shit just got real.

  • Ehud Alevi? Sounds Catholic. I can see how the cops might have been mistaken, him being in a synagogue and all.

  • Lucidamente1

    You know what they do to people they find sleeping in mosques?

    • Esteev

      Bug their communications?

    • BadKitty904

      Invade their homelands?

    • WhatTheHeck

      They catch ’em in mosqueto netting?

      • *facepalm*

        • WhatTheHeck

          sorry about that.

          • S'oright. I'm probably owed a few facepalms myself.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Drone attack?

  • SorosBot

    911 really is a joke.

  • I have to give the cop credit: he took that boxing class to heart. Had that whole "Apollo Creed" stance down pat before he lunged, dropped his guard and got all off balance.

  • BornInATrailer

    Jewish sleeper cells are way more boring than the Muslin-y ones.

    • mille derps


  • Oblios_Cap

    I was watching a commercial where this cop was saying there was no worse crime than to kill a cop. I beg to disagree, seeing as I don't feel that their live's are any more sacred that any other member of John Q. Public's (and probably less than some's).

    "To Protect and Serve.", my ass.

    • sullivanst

      Well, there's no worse punishment than that dished out to cop-killers. If you're lucky, your extrajudicial execution will be quick.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Well, he did call the cop a son of a lubovich.

    • Actually I think the beating commenced as a response to the homeless guy asking the cop "Are you Jewish…?"

  • snowpointsecret

    "Assaulting a police officer" is roughly translated as "flailing and making slight contact while being mauled and pepper sprayed after being rudely awakened."

    • sullivanst

      I saw him maliciously strike the nice policeman's fist with his face, repeatedly.

  • bumfug

    Anyone who teaches a kid that the policeman is his friend should be charged with child endangerment.

    • hagajim

      They are your friends – until you hit about 8.

      • Six, if you're black. Four, if you're Hispanic and look illegal.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    When did being homeless become a crime? Really, I want to know. Or…I want to know before I become homeless.

    • Trespassing.

      What boils my noodle is, the guy wasn't hurting anyone and it's a fucking synagogue. The private security dick could have at least called the rabbi and asked what he should do. Maybe the temple policy is to give them a cot, feed 'em in the morning and send them on their way.

    • James Michael Curley

      Read Papachristou v. City of Jacksonville, 405 U.S. 156 for a discussion of the difficulty enforcing a 'vagrancy statute (or ordinance)'. As much of that which is defined in law determined as unconstitutionally vague are activities people often engage in during the routine day.

      Faced with what was becoming a frequent conundrum of defining vagrancy as a crime and providing necessary intent to commit an act which would make the vagrancy a crime, the term 'Homeless' started to evolve. Proving someone was homeless is a lot easier that that they are a vagrant. Jumping from merely homeless to homeless as a state which requires action then is made easier by the facility provided under health and safety statutes.

      Still, in far too many cases and the one above, the crime charges gets artificially merged with the authority to take an action based on a civil need to reduce the presence of homeless people due to health and safety. Thus the request to 'move on' soon becomes alleged as the crime of resisting arrest when the homeless person does not 'move on.'

      Trespassing as actor212 pointed out is another issue.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Needz more Bob Saget

    • Jus_Wonderin

      America's Funniest Videos or An Actor's Tragically Sad Career?

    • LesBontemps

      Nah, this going straight to Tosh.0 Video Redemption.

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    At the 4-minute mark there are TWELVE cops in that room. WTF?

    • Esteev

      I saw that too. But it looks like sleeping beauty was about to turn the tables on the arresting officers.

    • BadKitty904

      I'm sure the lawyers of Crown Heights are looking forward to a *very* happy New Year, indeed.

    • An_Outhouse

      you never know when you might be dealing with Super Jew.

      • A doctor who's also a lawyer AND an accountant???

        • Esteev

          The Jeweler!

      • SorosBot

        Well Superman was Jewish.

        • How the hell they circumcise him? His skin was invulnerable.

          • WhatTheHeck

            They did it underwater by using 4 skin divers.

          • Nostrildamus

            You & I watch the same porn.

          • MosesInvests

            Kryptonite knife.

          • doloras

            His olds circumcised him back on Krypton where he didn't have superpowers. Trufax.

        • Huh!? Ben Grimm and Magneto were, for sure.

          • Tequila Mockingbird

            Kal-El is Hebrew for "voice of God." Jerry Shuster & Jerry Siegel were both Jooz.

          • finallyhappy

            I saw a play about that here in DC

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        Maybe they thought he was a Golem?

    • Allmighty_Manos

      The guys head just wouldn't stop attacking the cops fist, so he needed back up.

    • Seriously, you ever want a major police invasion, tell them an officer needs assistance in a neighborhood that is a) predominantly black (which Crown Heights is) and b) has been the scene of more than one full-scale riot before (which Crown Heights has).

      Ehud here is probably lucky he wasn't SWATted.

    • James Michael Curley

      Candy finished her show in the locker room?

    • HarryButtle

      The clown squad car emptied out and they all came waddling in.

      • Boojum

        Homeless Beauty, the sleepy guy, looked like the pictures of White Jesus you see in Babdist Churches. Maybe the cops were trying out for a role as the 'postles.

  • mrpuma2u

    What a couple of schlameels!

  • CrunchyKnee

    Of course the piggies will just get a nice paid leave, then things will be buried.

  • MissTaken

    ♫ It's hard to be Jewish in Crown Heights, Yo ♫

    • SorosBot

      Now I'll have that stuck in my head all afternoon!

  • Esteev

    Paid administrative leave seems like a reasonable punishment for this officer.

    • Whoa, fella! Let's not let him off too easy! After all, the guy was white!

      • Esteev

        Well, we certainly can't have him crucified.

        • BadKitty904

          Hey, we all have our crosses to bear…

          • Nailed it!

          • Esteev

            Coming out of your cave I see.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            No, that's me.

  • Did our blog wake up and find itself shipped to arrived at Afghanistan, finally?

    sent from my Third World nightmare phone

  • elviouslyqueer

    it appears that a volunteer security guard was not apprised of this arrangement, and called police when he found a shirtless Halevi asleep in the lounge. The security guard, Zlamy Trappler, 24, can be seen arguing with Halevi at the 30 second mark. He now tells the Daily News, “I regret making the call. I should have let him sleep. It spiraled out of control.”

    What is "No fucking shit, you fucking idiot?", Alex.

    • emmelemm

      I regret sincerely that mistakes were made.

    • I don't think he's the only one to blame — somebody else should have thought to inform the poor guy.

      • SorosBot

        Not to mention that he probably thought the cops would just get the guy out of there, not beat the shit out of him.

        • Bonzos_Bed_Time

          Surely he saw the pool cues there. That should have been his first warning that cops should not be involved.

        • Negropolis

          I mean, it's not like the NYPD are known for their brutality or anything. Plus, the homeless man was white(ish)!

  • sharethegrief

    There must have been a Dunkin Donuts nearby.

    • kittensdontlie

      Or not, judging by their ill mood.

      • sullivanst

        The ill mood might be caused by the fact that they were interrupted mid-donut.

        Judging by the size of most of them, they certainly have easy access to all the deep-fried carbs they can eat.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Bagels are doughnuts too, my friend

  • Jus_Wonderin

    There are those days, Rebecca, that I truly believe you want me fully pickled in my Vodka/Tonic by Noon CST.

  • hagajim

    One negative thing about video cameras being everywhere, they can now catch the cops being their normal dicksih selves. Needs moar under rug sweeping.

  • SpiderCrab

    Such brave officers. It's especially gratifying to see the little lady getting in her equal opportunity licks.

  • BloviateMe

    I bet those cops are fantastic, understanding and endlessly patient parents.

  • Send him to the emergency room, I'm told you can get some very nice deals.

    • Oh, I see! The cops were merely trying to get him back on his feet by breaking his ankles!

      • Esteev

        Pull oneself up by your full-body cast?

  • CrunchyKnee

    And the guy isn't even a blah!?! We truly have transcended racial inequality.

  • NYPD Motto: "Licensed to Hit You in the Face! Because, you know, 9/11."

    • Esteev

      If you see something, beat the shit out it.

    • kittensdontlie

      The traditional welcome for immigrants includes more gut punches.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    When "stuff" happens in sacred places…isn't that pretty cold evidence that god is diddling in another universe?

  • Oblios_Cap

    That mohel is certainly performing the brit milah the wrong way!

  • Lullaby, and good night,
    With angry cops out for a fight
    With billies clubs out, rules shed,
    Beating on your sweet head.
    Lay you down now, and bleed,
    May your beating be on video feed!
    Lay you down now, and bleed,
    May thy beating be on video feed!

  • Esteev

    If there is any consolation, Ehud Alevi will no longer be homeless after a nice settlement with the City.

    • emmelemm

      How'd that work out for the guy who was raped with a toilet plunger handle?

  • Toomush_Infer

    That gal cop was trying out for a role in "Fiddler on the Feet"…

  • Goonemeritus

    I refuse to believe this video, I have watched many episodes of Barny Miller and nothing like this ever occurred.

    • CrunchyKnee

      Fish woulda' never done that type of shit.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Though, there was that one "Very Special Episode" of Blossom that handled this subject with deft compassion and was quite informative.

    • mayor_quimby

      As a kid, all I remember those cops doing was stand around drinking coffee, never solving any crimes. Kind of a boring, no drinking or fucking version of The Wire.

  • An_Outhouse

    just don't call them pigs.

    • MosesInvests

      That wouldn't be kosher.

  • There's a certain conflation of legality with morality that appeals to the simpleminded and which seems to attract violent morons to law enforcement — more so now that emigrating to South Africa isn't as fulfilling an option for them as it used to be.

    • pdiddycornchips

      So where do things stand now? Have the charges been dropped? What about the cops? Are they on restricted duty? Has the Precinct commander been reassigned? Ray Kelly hasn't said shit. He's hoping this will all blow over and he can get back to his regular table at the 21 Club. NWA was right, fuck the police.

  • HRH_Maddie

    Oy, what a Shanda!

  • mayor_quimby

    We all do realize that if Jeebus did come back, he might end up sleeping in a Synagogue, wearing a beard and hair like that, kinda just couch-surfing across the land with his bros. Until he meets the NYPD that is, then that's his ass!

    • BadKitty904

      Wasn't He some kinda furriner?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      "What if God were one of us…………………….."

      • WhatTheHeck


      • Esteev


      • calliecallie

        I was just humming that in my head….

        • Jus_Wonderin

          I had a excellent response but I used the word that is the name for the lever we pull when we fire a handgun…and my comment was banhammered.

    • BornInATrailer

      WTF are you talking about? Muscular Christ would start a small business.

      • mayor_quimby

        Very very true, but this guy could be cheap-ass Jeebus, sleeping in his 'office' like Paul Ryan to save a buck. But I do think that it's funny that they beat down a dude, who was doing something that Jesus would literally do.

    • pdiddycornchips

      Shit, Jesus would be on the No Fly list. He's from Bethlehem in the Palestinian Territories, he's an agitator.

  • BornInATrailer


  • Antispandex

    I believe you have confused attempts to restore the poor soul to sensibitlity, with aggression. Thank god they were able to revive him! I know of many other attempts, of a similar kind, that have failed.

  • coolhandnuke

    This beatdown could have been avoided if he told the cops his name was George Zimmerman.

  • Doktor Zoom

    For breakfast, we'll give you a nice bowl of Kix.

    • BadKitty904

      Silly rabbi, kicks are for Y…oh, never mind…

    • And some kix in the teeth?

  • Wilcoxyz

    Ms. Piggy there is batting better than A-Rod.

  • calliecallie

    I smell bacon…wait, in a synagogue?

  • jakegittes

    Can't we all just get along?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Hey, that one is a lady cop! Equal opportunity police brutality.

  • CommieLibunatic

    If these are supposed to be New York's finest, I'd hate to see its worst.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Obviously this is all the fault of Occupy Crown Heights.

  • oenspiek

    Why doesn't the Mayor order these cops to commit suicide, for disgracing the city?

    Because that would be bad, mmkay?

  • Mr. Monk had to beat that guy up. He was a hippie, but the bad kind of hippie.

  • pdiddycornchips

    The NYPD, replacing competence with violence since 1845.

  • BornInATrailer

    You know what would solve this? Privatization.

  • Negropolis

    I love how all of the rest of them come into the room about halfway through as if it's some kind of emergency, even after they see the guy's already been subdued. Must have been a slow day in the good ole NYC. I see they gave him the Occupy special and then Supersized it.

  • decentcitizen

    Looks like the premise of a promising cop-buddy movie.

  • ttommyunger

    Jeez, I know it's a shitty job, your boss is a prick, the hours are long and your pay is low, but you've got to find some other way of venting your frustration, guys and gals. If the public turns completely against you it will just make your job more difficult and unpleasant. I know this won't do any good, but it needs to be said.

  • just_a_head

    One of the many reasons that my boy child will never have my blessing to be police officer. The police force seems to turn many previously lovely, reasonable people into dick-swinging, blood-thirsty assholes.

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