Romney, applauding himself Here is what you have been missing if you haven’t been paying attention to the Romney/Ryan campaign for the past few weeks: 47% of the country are losers! No wait, maybe it’s 60%! Either way, we need to cut government aid to Poors so we can break the cycle of government dependency! Less Medicaid will mean more prosperity! Etc! It therefore came as a BIG FUCKING SURPRISE when we learned that Romney aggressively pursued federal government assistance when he was the governor of Massachusetts. It was not, however, a BIG FUCKING SURPRISE to learn that he balanced the budget by taking millions of dollars from something called the Catastrophic Illness in Children Relief Fund.

In his first budget proposal [as governor], Romney promised balancing the budget without tapping reserves, and “without the use of fiscal gimmicks.” However, buried in the details, he suggested tapping reserves such as taking $4 million from the Catastrophic Illness in Children Relief Fund, and he included fiscal gimmicks to maximize and divert federal aid into his general state coffers … The Wall Street Journal labeled such financing mechanisms “Medicaid Money Laundering” and a “swindle.”

Translation: after these gimmicks are deployed, it LOOKS like the state has spent money on Poors and is thus eligible to get money from federal Medicaid coffers. But in reality, the state HASN’T spent the money on Poors.

Medicaid is a matching grant program. If a state with a 50 percent match rate like Massachusetts spends $50 on qualifying services, the federal government will provide an additional $50 so there is $100 total for Medicaid services. The federal match payment is much higher in some states, such as Mississippi where it’s almost 75 percent.

Unfortunately, some states concocted budget shell games, often with private consultants, providing an illusion of state spending to claim federal matching funds, when no state spending has occurred. … In such strategies, health care facilities serving the poor are used to claim federal funds to help the poor. But the health care facilities and the poor may get nothing, as the state diverts the federal aid to general coffers — and revenue maximization contractors reap millions in contingency fees. Romney used such private companies to help carryout his strategies.

Every time we learn something new about Romney, we lean more and more towards concluding that he is a shitbag beyond the possibility of redemption.

[Boston Globe]

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  • Catastrophic illness in children?

    Walk it off, like your dad would! We have consultants to pay, you little brats!

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Whenever we used to bump or stub or hurt ourselves, Mom would say "Rub it". I think the reasoning was that the act of rubbing it increased blood flow and got our mind off the pain.

      Or…as likely, my Mom is a complete and utter perv.

    • Esteev

      "But I can't walk off cancer, President Romney," replied a sick kid.

      • To which Mittens replied by walking 100 miles in snowstorm to pay for the kid's serum, giving her a kitten, and taking her for a make-a-wish-YOLO ride in his car elevator, in return for her endorsement.

        • Esteev

          I feel better already.

        • Katydid

          Or, possibly, Mittens smacked the kid in the face, took away the kid's only dolly, and cancelled the kid's health insurance.

    • ibwilliamsi

      Spit on it!

  • hagajim

    What a truly inspirational and motivational leader Gov. Undies was. I can't believe he's only down by 40 in his "home" state.

    • nounverb911

      Which home?

      • elviouslyqueer

        AOT, K.

        • James Michael Curley

          That's scary.

      • James Michael Curley

        AOT, K!

        Boats from Cayman islands are loading up now to vote in Florida.

    • ONLY 40? Gads. Has the Sensata scandal been reported there yet?

    • I am a dyed in the wool, born and bred mass hole, and that motherfucker is NOT FROM HERE!!!

      • Biff

        I'm a born and raised Californicator, and that's what I always said about reagan. Sadly, couldn't say the same thing about nixon. But he was a Southern Californian, so us Northerners still have that.

      • Negropolis

        I am a baptized in a Great Lake, born and bred Michigander (quack!), and I'll be damned if they make us claim him.

  • snowpointsecret

    If we don't help poors be healthy, we can use that money to make healthy corporations! Remember, they're people too!

    • Esteev

      Or at least make healthy corporations healthier!

      • Which will allow Mittens to outsource their jobs FASTER!

    • JustPixelz

      Corporations that want to be treated like people — with free speech rights, etc — should pay taxes like human people. I don't get to subtract my operating expenses. I pay taxes on my income only, minus a couple exemptions and $12K standard deduction. Corporations that don't waant to pay taxes like people should shut the fuck up. My friend.

      • HistoriCat

        JustPixelz 2012!

  • nounverb911

    Just as long as the unborn get born, once they're hatched they're on their own.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Even those hatched prematurely should just pick themselves up and walk away from the egg/womb.

      • Survival of the fittest, right? RIGHT?

  • mrpuma2u

    Hey those poor kids shoulda taken their vitamins. It's their fault they got sick, so it's their responsibility to get better.

    • And if they can't afford vitamins, they can eat the paint chips on the windowsills.

      • nounverb911

        "Lead does a body good"?

        • snowpointsecret

          I guess that's what he means be being a "lead"er.

          Edit: I love how two of us got that at once. Wonkette's only amazing.

          • Esteev

            Up first for like minds, etc!

          • snowpointsecret

            Maybe we should tell Romney he's pronouncing lead wrong too.

          • Esteev

            As well as "tax cuts".

        • Esteev

          How else do we get strong Leaders?

          • Now look, lead is a metal and metals are MINERALS since you have to MINE them. It's right there in the name!

          • Esteev

            Just keep that magnet away from my kids!

      • Tastes sweet, that's why the kiddlets love it so. Caligula and Nero too, but in their wine.

  • This is just an example of the kind of "loopholes" he'd cut to balance the budget.

    • Esteev

      He's given an example of the loopholes?! This is news!

  • Isyaignert

    It's the Republicon Health Care Plan: (1) Don't get sick; (2) If you get sick, die quickly. Before you know it, all of the sick poors will be gone. Genius, pure 'effin' genius!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Romney-Care, the closer you look the sicker you get.

    • CommieDad

      Like all Romney Plans, there is a sort of Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle going on. The closer you look, the less you understand and the more it looks like a giant con game.

  • Esteev

    No one seems to realize that sick kids do have profitability. For a little while a least.

    • Did you ever read Octavia Butler's short story about kids being sold for food for the rich?

  • bumfug

    Ann Romney is exceedingly disappointed by your lack of sportsmanship in printing the truth about her husband. Not one "Tsk!" but two! Tsk! Tsk!

    • nounverb911

      Isn't Egg just one big walking pre-existing condition?

    • Esteev

      "Buy all the papers, Katie."

    • BadKitty904

      I'll raise you a "Tut"..

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr


    • VeraSevera

      Stop it!

    • Negropolis

      This is hard! You get in the ring.

  • smashedinhat

    Sorry, if this doesn't originate with Buzzfeed I can't take it seriously.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Every time we learn something new about Romney, we lean more and more towards concluding that he is a shitbag beyond the possibility of redemption.

    Now Kris, some accuracy please! Romney is a venal, corrupt, soulless, scheming, robotic, festering pustule along the lines of a motherfucking anal wart shitbag beyond the possibility of redemption.

    There. That's more like it.

    • BadKitty904

      What he said.

  • SorosBot

    Sure, Romeny might want to let more sick kids die, but it's all in purpose of a greater good – lower taxes for rich fucks like him!

    Which will make our economy all better, because – magic?

    • nounverb911

      Undertaking is a growth industry?

      • Esteev

        Shovel ready projects.

        • Isyaignert

          Oh no you didnnnnnn't!!!!!

    • zumpie

      And saving their parents $$$—it's the one less mouth to feed plan!

      • BadKitty904

        "They are so poor that they are forced to have children as a cheap alternative to turkey at Christmas."

        ~ E. Blackadder

  • Gorillionaire

    Hey, four million isn't all that much. That would barely buy a friggin car elevator!

  • I hate to be judgmental, but I'm starting to think this Romney fellow is a real fuckwad.

    • YouBetcha

      Now now, there's no need to jump to conclusions.

    • BadKitty904

      You've noticed that, too? What a remarkably amoral, venal, contemptible human being.

    • PsycWench

      in his defense, he thought "catastrophic" meant "caused by cats".

    • How many pots and pans has he washed in Ohio today?

  • JustPixelz

    I'm sure none those catastrophically ill children would have gone on to be a job creator. No harm, no foul. Right Mittens?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Those catastrophically ill kids should have worked harder to be born into richer families.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Can't they simply borrow some health from their parents?

    • shelwood46

      They should marry rich men, like Egg did.

    • finallyhappy

      That's what my mom told me when I asked for something- like "the" shoes or "the" pocketbook "everyone had. I did work but at $.50 an hour babysitting on Sat night(I was 14 and it was the dark ages)- I could barely afford the movies much less the John Romaine pocketbook

      • Your neighbors must not have gone out much. I babysat for 50 cents an hour and I accumulated so much cash I bought a Coach bag. The only one I've ever been able to afford in my life ever after. I didn't even know it was a status symbol, I just knew I liked it. The champagne taste on a beer budget I've been cursed with ever since. (My parents let me keep the money I earned, they didn't charge me rent, or make me pay $400 cover the cost of my draft-dodging trip to Paris.)

  • FNMA

    A Republican fucking children? This is news?

  • Toomush_Infer

    The rationale for why this sick fuck wants to be president would take ten years on the couch, only to find that he's a schizoid-affective with no interest in other human beings….(I can't seem to tell where the snark is, anymore, sorry….)

    • Si. Sometimes it is hard to find snark in response to things the conservatives do that get mostly pacifist libtards thinking of going to the local Gunz&Ammoz and getting quad 50s for insurance if Rmoney wins.

      • Isyaignert

        My son would love a quad 50 for his birthday on Wednesday. As it is, I just got him awesome hockey tickets and dinner out anywhere he wants. Maybe we'll get that gizmo for him next year – we've got a big garage.

  • Unfortunately, some states concocted budget shell games, often with private consultants, providing an illusion of state spending to claim federal matching funds, when no state spending has occurred.

    This is refreshing — most Republican presidential candidates commit their great crimes after they've been elected — not that Mitt's ever committed fraud for anything unimportant — it's all in the patriotic interest of accumulating money.

  • Terry

    Why should there be a fund to cover catastrophic illness in children? Shouldn't those kids just borrow money from their parents to pay their doctor bills?


    Message: Instead of spreading the wealth, Spread The Mooch

  • I'm shocked that a CEO would juggle numbers like that.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Defrauding Medicaid in a *technically* legal way? Just another job creatin' bonus for America.

  • Ducksworthy

    Fuck the Children. Its the Xtian thing to do.

  • Goonemeritus

    I only regret not being a haberdasher with a window that could be devoted to a Romney Diorama.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    I would vote for Rafalca before Willard. At least I'd know which end to expect shit from.

  • MiniMencken

    I shudder as I write this, but I believe Romney has what it takes to be a Governor of Texas.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    From the BG link

    "After a US General Accounting Office report responding to concerns of Republican Senator Charles Grassley…."


    • sullivanst

      And then:

      After a US General Accounting Office report responding to concerns of Republican Senator Charles Grassley, the Romney administration vigorously defended using contingency-fee revenue maximization consultants and revenue practices – that the GAO labeled illusory. The GAO responded that “hospitals should benefit from increased federal reimbursements and Massachusetts’s arrangement appeared to result in lower payments to hospitals, despite increased claims for federal reimbursement.” The Romney administration even defended double (if not quadruple) billing practices “of allowing multiple agencies to bill Medicaid” for “services for the same beneficiary.” The GAO concluded that the Romney administration “did not provide convincing evidence that the [Medicaid] services provided by the four state agencies were unique,” and the Bush administration agreed with the GAO’s conclusions.

      Mitt Romney: such a shitbag, even Chuck Grassley and the Bush administration couldn't stand the stench.

      • BadKitty904

        "A man so repulsive even the Republicans despise him"

  • alteredimages

    Oh to dream, if only this would get brought up at the debate tomorrow and that smug robotic amoral fecal mound would have to talk about it to the "little people".

    • sharethegrief

      Those conversations only take place in quiet rooms among people who have gaping holes in their chest cavities.

  • mull_man

    To be fair, he did offer to give free hair cuts to the ghey ones, provided restraints were in place.

  • Come here a minute

    Those kids can always go to the Emergency Room, because Mitt Romney is so fucking compassionate.

  • vodkamuppet

    I'm waiting for him to start encouraging poor children to "self-execute".

    • Esteev

      Suicide is sinful.

      • Don't listen to him kids, there are posthumous baptisms for those sort of sins.

        • Esteev

          Phew… that's a relief.

      • vodkamuppet

        Hmmm, I always thought it was painless.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          Only at the 4077th.

    • Retroactively?

  • Mittaplasia

    Blame the person who built Mittnocchio for omitting the empathy/compassion program.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I do think they wrote an emulation routine but patterned it on Sylvester Sneekly from the revered The Perils of Penelope Pitstop cartoons.

  • kittensdontlie

    There goes Romneyhood again. He is not wearing Lincoln green–his pockets are lined with them.

  • Borrrrring! Mitt uses different math bitches, not that "librul" math you pre-Murdoch WSJ readers are so used to.

  • Callyson

    This from the assholes who keep repeating the "Obama cut $716B from Medicare to pay for Obamacare" endlessly…


    • finallyhappy

      I said that – JFC- last night in the car and my daughter told me not to say it again as we were getting ready to go into a church

  • decentcitizen

    Come on Kris. Be honest. Romney presents as an irredeemable shitbag on first impression.

  • Franknflower

    The Riches really do know how to handle money better than the rest of us. I vote we give it all to them.

    • BadKitty904

      Before they steal it?

      • Franknflower

        Steal is such a dirty word. How about "releverage"? (Adjusts monocle.)

  • Callyson

    Buried in his 2004 budget, Romney proposed maximizing federal aid by taxing hospitals, shifting the resulting tax payments in and out of an uncompensated care fund, back to hospitals as adjustment payments, and diverting resulting federal Medicaid funds to state general revenue. He also proposed using taxes on nursing homes and pharmacies in his efforts to maximize and divert federal aid.

    Well, at least now we have some idea of how Mittens will make his proposed tax cuts "revenue neutral."


    • SorosBot

      I am shocked that a man who ran a vulture capital firm that profited off running companies into the ground would balance his state's budget with accounting gimmicks.

  • "You are a shitbag beyond the possibility of redemption!" — Obama to Romney at debate #2


    • bloggingbalkanistan

      If Obama makes even a veiled reference to a dog on a car roof, such as "Governor, your plan as Governor to take funds away from chronically ill children makes as much sense as strapping a dog to the car roof" I will donate all my $ to the Obama campaign. No, I lie. I'm a poors and have no money, but still, Obama campaign, go for it.

  • TavariousChinaSmith

    He steals from the poor and gives to the rich: stupid bitch!

  • Callyson

    The GAO concluded that the Romney administration “did not provide convincing evidence that the [Medicaid] services provided by the four state agencies were unique,” and the Bush administration agreed with the GAO’s conclusions.

    When *W* isn't with Mittens, you know Romney's got a serious accounting gimmick going on…

  • PubOption

    How much did Mittens pay to the consultants? Does Bain have a consultancy division? Inquiring minds want to know.

  • sbj1964

    I am surprised at this point Mittens could get all his supporters together,and share a pizza.Who would vote for this butt monkey?

    • BadKitty904

      I'm not sure they're voting for this soulless automaton. They're voting for Not-the-Black-Guy.

    • 248 electoral votes.

    • Isyaignert

      Other butt monkeys?

  • I'm sick of this PC focus on sick fucking children. DEAR GOD WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE MIDDLE MEN?

    • BadKitty904

      Corrupt, greedy executives have feelings, too, you guys. No, wait…

  • James Michael Curley

    I'm looking forward to a Republican President, House and Senate as I have long unused skills in picking up dead people from the streets.

  • terriblyfamous

    Shitbag is right. One giant walking colostomy bag.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Let's hope that his one-term governorship will be followed by a zero-term presidency.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      And once and for all, crush his hopes of holding the highest office in the land. Oh, I could work with this. I'm off to pen my great american novel.

  • Slim_Pickins

    "Consultants are needy, too, my friend."

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      As a consultant, I can confirm this.

  • TootsStansbury

    Spit flying, hair tearing rage/ HOW IS THIS RACE EVEN CLOSE!! AAAARGH!!/

    Whew that feels better.

    • i don't know but it's terrifying me.

      though i AM pleased to see bamz slide seems to be reversing slightly – for god knows what trivial bullshit reason.

    • Steverino247

      Because the Sheriff is a "CLANG" that's why.

  • LibrarianX

    Are there no prisons? ARE THERE NO WORKHOUSES?!?

  • Hammiepants

    Childhood leukemia? Babies with holes in their hearts? Rub some dirt on it, ya pussies.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Now I'm completely depressed. I'm just gonna stare at Miss Taken's ass for the rest of the day.

  • CommieDad

    This shows Mitt's real genius.

    His business experience: Buy company with borrowed money. Restructure company to take advantage of loopholes, tax dodges, accounting gimmicks. Show a paper profit by cooking the books. Sell company at profit.

    What does he do when he's governor? The same thing! Genius!

    Just think what he can do to make the country look better (on paper)!

  • Tundra Grifter

    This is Wall Street investment banking financial engineering at its finest! Create a complex structure with enough inefficiencies to produce profits. No economic benefit to the "real world,' of course.

    But – so what?

    Here's the GAO Report:

  • Doktor Zoom

    Why all the whining? Don't you know that There's No 'My Kid Has Cancer' In Team

  • PuckStopsHere

    Of all the despicable things I have heard about this man, this is the despicablest.

  • Antispandex

    Wow. Well, as luck would have it, the election precedes the holiday wherein that popular story about Jacob Marley, some ghosts, and some dirt poor folk occupy peoples minds. So, no problem…for now. However, I wonder what Ryan has in his back pocket to, shall we say, impeach, Mr. Romney with after the election. As I see it, it's his only way to power.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    "he is a shitbag beyond the possibility of redemption."

    He should fit right in in DC, then.

  • My_pal_HAL

    Deep in the Mittbot code, there is a very destructive worm, set to activate upon Inauguration, should it come to pass. Can't let that happen.

  • MinAgain

    Are we even sure his name is Mitt Romney?

  • Biff

    jesus, this fucking guy.

  • Negropolis

    This man is a regular cartoon character. This is C. Montgomery Burns type shit, right here.

  • Isyaignert

    I've said it before, and I'll say it again – No more uber rich sociopathic frat boys with daddy issues in the White House – ever again!!

  • ttommyunger

    These lazy kids need to pull themselves up by their own I.V. Tubes and learn a little self-reliance, for Moroni's sake!

  • DahBoner

    "without the use of fiscal gimmicks"

    However, Govenor Romney had no qualms about using other gimmicks, such as fake plastic vomit, joy buzzers and whoopie cushons…

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