quiet riots

Rad Dudes Riot For Totally Good Reason That Isn’t Stupid At All

Skateboarding is not a crime, HENGHHH? Well, that is just obviously true. Except when 1500 rad dudes break a bunch of shops and do Ollies (?) up on people’s cars for the totally good reason that isn’t stupid at all of not getting into a sold-out movie. Sounds like 500 or so someones should maybe have been told “no” a few times when they were little groms! But how else could the skateboarders have made their displeasure known besides wilding like it is the ’80s at the Puerto Rico Day Parade?

  • Smoked a joint, gone home, didn’t riot.
  • Smoked a joint, went and got a pizza, didn’t riot.
  • Smoked a joint, sat on the curb, called their mom to pick them up, didn’t riot.
  • Smoked a joint, did anything besides riot.
  • Hung out outside the 7-Eleven and asked grown-ups to buy them beer. Forgot to riot.

You dudes might wanna read up on “Anarchy” a little bit too. It mostly has to do with social justice and stuff and not really that much about your right to scratch up people’s old beater Camrys because you didn’t get to see “Bake and Destroy.” Here, dudes, read some Wik!

Boring right? You rad dudes probly don’t even want to be Anarchists anymore. But have you considered a life as a Repo Man? It’s always intense.


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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    1. actor212

      Kids these days with their "trucks" and "vinyl wheels" and "composite boards"

      When I was a boarder we had pine boards attached to old roller skates and we had to board to school nine miles uphill in both directions in 90 degree heat through six feet of snow!

          1. actor212

            I believe in playing fair. This is why I only hit little old ladies with wheeled walkers, because they'll just spin around and not fall over.

          2. Lascauxcaveman

            Like, when I was a skater? Back in the late seventies and they had just come out with the big urethane wheels an' stuff? And we like, found all the really rad hills in town, and made slalom courses, with beeercans and stuff? And some old guy would drive down the street and run them over and roll down his window and yell get off the street at us?

            That sucked.

      1. Naked_Bunny

        We just had a pine board and made wheel sounds with our lips. And then we had to take the pine board inside so we could be spanked with it, for making so much noise. Ahh, the good old days.

  1. KeepFnThatChicken

    I noticed one of the kids keyed an "A" in the back of a truck. Education not gone to waste!

  2. CrunchyKnee

    As a long time skater (30+ yrs.), I don't know whether to smile, or drink. Hey, why not both!?!?!11!?

  3. SorosBot

    Skateboarding may not be a crime, but have you seen those teenage douchebags who do it? It probably should be.

  4. Pragmatist2

    Someday, kids in school will be reading about this alongside such other historic moments as the Boston Tea Party, Montgomery bus boycott, and Stonewall. But they will be stoned so they won't notice the difference.

  5. memzilla

    See what happens when the people don't own the means of production?

    Stay tuned for more breaking news, here on DMC, the Dialectical Materialism Channel…

  6. freakishlywrong

    Ha..some riot. Wait until Romney/Ryan buy/steal the election. That will be some fucking rioting, bitches.

      1. valgal2342

        Yes, but riots in gated communities are black tie and by invitation only. The fountains with cherubs pissing dry martinis are cool though.

    1. UW8316154

      in a sluggish economy
      hits the land of the free
      standing in unemployment lines
      blame the government for hard time

      we just get by
      however we can
      we all gotta duck
      when the shit hits the fan

  7. BadKitty904

    "The lights are growing dim, Otto. I know a life of crime has led me to this sorry fate, and yet, I blame society. Society made me what I am."

  8. SorosBot

    "Hung out outside the 7-Eleven and asked grown-ups to buy them beer. Forgot to riot. "

    Beer at a 7-11? I saw that last week, and was all "what the fuck?" I am looking forward to living there.

      1. SorosBot

        Of course not; 7-11s are not bars or delis which are allowed to sell beers in six packs, or beer distributorships which are allowed to sell cases. Beer in 7-11, next thing you know they'll be selling alcohol in grocery stores.

  9. Doktor Zoom

    “Rincewind, all the shops have been smashed open. There was a whole bunch of people across the street helping themselves to musical instruments, can you believe that?"

    "Yeah," said Rincewind, picking up a knife and testing its blade thoughtfully. "Luters, I expect.”

      1. TavariousChinaSmith

        Well "skateboarders" sure, but note I said "skateboards." You know, like "Guns don't kill people…"

          1. actor212

            Really, serious! Kids roll down, slip off and next thing you know a brigade of unmanned boards is rolling, free and unfettered at folks standing at the bottom.

        1. actor212

          The cowshit mucks up your bearings badly. I mean, you can get sealed wheels, true, but they're awful expensive and that cuts into your trucker hat allowance.

    1. proudgrampa

      I Drank Two Drinks for Breakfast,
      I Drank Two Drinks for Lunch,
      I Drank Two Drinks for Dinner,
      I Drank Two Drinks at Night.

      Nothing illegal about that!

  10. actor212

    But how else could the skateboarders have made their displeasure known besides wilding like it is the ’80s at the Puerto Rico Day Parade?

    Psst, it was the West Indian Parade and the cops did it…

  11. GregComlish

    Some people just like to riot recreationally, like when the Canucks lose or whenever there is a live performance by Insane Clown Posse.

  12. prommie

    Speaking of 80's wilding and Puerto Rico day gropefests (very different phenomena, Becky you young whippersnapper you), I am hoping for the day when public pool "whoops, there it is" parties make a comeback.

      1. prommie

        Tawana Brawley libel! What I am worried about right now is these "rainbow parties" and jenkem-sniffing thats all going on now! And "the choking game" (which is totally reall!).

        1. TavariousChinaSmith

          Also to quote Joe Jackson's song Beat Crazy:
          Sniffing pot! smoking glue!
          Whatever terrible things they do!
          Smoking LSD and such!
          Must be the reason why they can't talk much.

      2. actor212

        Yea, the term "wilding" came about during the Central Park Jogger case, but has been applied to any group of minority youths ganging up on people.

        When white kids do it, it's to protect their neighborhoods. *rolling eyes*

        1. prommie

          I first heard of "wilding" after the incidents after a free Diana Ross concert in Central Park, which was years before the jogger case, is my memory failing me so badly? God knows I am no native manhattanite, but we bridge and tunnel people live for the NY news media's breathless panic-mongering!

        2. prommie

          This from a 1989 Times article on the "jogger" case which compares it to the earlier, genuine, Diana Ross concert incidents: "Law-enforcement officials said the the scale of the Central Park episode was reminiscent of an incident in July 1983, when gangs of youths ran amok at a Diana Ross concert in Central Park, beating and robbing scores of people."

      3. prommie

        The term was "coined," and the fact of it occurring was not made up, after the 1983 Diana Ross concert in central park during which hundreds of people were mugged openly by large roving mobs. You could maybe look it up.

        1. BadKitty904

          I did look it up, since I've never heard the term before. Didn't give the etymology, though… :0/

        2. TavariousChinaSmith

          I love words. Here's what I found: http://schott.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/04/08/wildin
          The OED dates the first use of the term in this context to a Times article from April 22, 1989:

          Some of the 20 youths brought in for questioning had told investigators that the crime spree was the product of a pastime called “wilding.” “It’s not a term that we in the police had heard before,” the chief said.

          But yes, people had been mugged and attacked by gangs, and even "lynched" before 1989.

  13. BornInATrailer

    I scratch two cars in time of peace
    And two in time of war
    I scratch two cars before I scratch two cars
    And then I scratch two more

  14. weejee

    Smoked a joint, gone…
    Smoked a joint, went…
    Smoked a joint, sat…
    Smoked a joint, did…

    So Madame Editrix will you be moving to Colorado, Oregon, or Washington if their recreational weed laws pass?

  15. TheGyrus

    Pretty stupid to riot about not getting into a movie where there are so many other good reasons to riot these days.

  16. Chow Yun Flat

    There were early reports that one person was arrested for failing to disperse, police said, but details were not immediately available

    How does one person fail to disperse? Sounds more like hanging around than anything else.

  17. Beach_Bubba_Tex

    Okay, I'm a sucker. I watched the clip. Best line: "Amazingly, police were able to regain control in less than three hours." Good thing it wasn't a surfer riot.

    1. BadKitty904

      It sounds like a 'boarder move – "Dude, he tried a doin' a huckleberry hamill and totally busted his ass."

  18. DemmeFatale

    "Rioting" because they couldn't get into a (probably lovingly restored and preserved) movie theater?
    Lame, dudes!
    Stick with the enormo-plexes in the suburbs next time.

  19. LibertyLover

    From the reporter: "Signs of the damage remain: from the broken glass to the damaged cars…"

    And how is this different from a 5.0 earthquake?

  20. Pat_Pending

    Bake and Destroy? What's in their reefer? For me, it was usually, 'smoke two hits and curl up in a paranoid ball, afraid to move or make noise lest the world laugh at me.' Hence my predilection for box chardonnay.

  21. CthuNHu

    Boy, it's a good thing those punks decided to smash and vandalize everything in sight, 'cause if they'd sat down in peaceful protest, they'd have gotten pepper-sprayed in the face.

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