Skateboarding is not a crime, HENGHHH? Well, that is just obviously true. Except when 1500 rad dudes break a bunch of shops and do Ollies (?) up on people’s cars for the totally good reason that isn’t stupid at all of not getting into a sold-out movie. Sounds like 500 or so someones should maybe have been told “no” a few times when they were little groms! But how else could the skateboarders have made their displeasure known besides wilding like it is the ’80s at the Puerto Rico Day Parade?

  • Smoked a joint, gone home, didn’t riot.
  • Smoked a joint, went and got a pizza, didn’t riot.
  • Smoked a joint, sat on the curb, called their mom to pick them up, didn’t riot.
  • Smoked a joint, did anything besides riot.
  • Hung out outside the 7-Eleven and asked grown-ups to buy them beer. Forgot to riot.

You dudes might wanna read up on “Anarchy” a little bit too. It mostly has to do with social justice and stuff and not really that much about your right to scratch up people’s old beater Camrys because you didn’t get to see “Bake and Destroy.” Here, dudes, read some Wik!

Boring right? You rad dudes probly don’t even want to be Anarchists anymore. But have you considered a life as a Repo Man? It’s always intense.


Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Respitetini

    Get off my lawn with your damned skateboards, you lousy kids! And get a haircut!

    • Kids these days with their "trucks" and "vinyl wheels" and "composite boards"

      When I was a boarder we had pine boards attached to old roller skates and we had to board to school nine miles uphill in both directions in 90 degree heat through six feet of snow!

      • Respitetini

        And we liked it!

      • thatsitfortheother1

        I remember those old steel wheels. They pounded the hell out of the sidewalk cracks.

        • Yes, but at least the olds could hear us coming and step out of the way.

          • thatsitfortheother1

            You are a true sportsman.

          • I believe in playing fair. This is why I only hit little old ladies with wheeled walkers, because they'll just spin around and not fall over.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Like, when I was a skater? Back in the late seventies and they had just come out with the big urethane wheels an' stuff? And we like, found all the really rad hills in town, and made slalom courses, with beeercans and stuff? And some old guy would drive down the street and run them over and roll down his window and yell get off the street at us?

            That sucked.

      • BadKitty904

        And I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time…

      • Naked_Bunny

        We just had a pine board and made wheel sounds with our lips. And then we had to take the pine board inside so we could be spanked with it, for making so much noise. Ahh, the good old days.

      • Esteev

        And then you grew up, wore a suit, and became The Man, man.

        • "Grow up"?

          Grew old, maybe. Maybe.

  • BadKitty904

    These kids nowadays, with their hippin' and their hoppin' and their shootin' up reefer…

    • GhostBuggy

      Yeah, and their MTVs and their diet sodas ain't gonna help them!

    • And the shuckin' and the jivin'.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Damn. Looting and pillaging and I missed it.

  • FNMA

    Plate of shrimp.

    • BadKitty904

      "Dude, let's go do some crimes."

      • TavariousChinaSmith

        John Wayne was a fag.

        • BadKitty904

          "I don't want no Commies in my car. No Christians, either. "

    • UW8316154

      It happens sometimes. People just explode. Natural causes.

    • Tommmcatt_Again

      You people are olds.

    • HabsFan29

      Day, night, don't mean shit.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    I noticed one of the kids keyed an "A" in the back of a truck. Education not gone to waste!

    • Biff

      Not just an "A", but a backwards "A"!

      • EatsBabyDingos

        He was going to carve "AYN," patron saint of the matted hair.

      • amabO?

      • thatsitfortheother1

        No child left behind.

        • Esteev

          Unless they are caught by riot police.

    • rickmaci

      Sorry to burst some bubbles here. I think he meant to key a V on the truck…

  • CrunchyKnee

    As a long time skater (30+ yrs.), I don't know whether to smile, or drink. Hey, why not both!?!?!11!?

    • Accounts for the crunchy knee?

      • CrunchyKnee


    • CommieLibunatic

      Not sure that's a good idea. It looks kind of silly.

  • memzilla

    Mayhem-In-The-Streets-wise, not quite up there with the Technicals, however.

    • On the other hand, a Technical against Meta World Peace would put him out of our misery.

  • Barbara_

    500 rioters, 100 police officers dispatched, 1 arrest made. I think the police had better weed.

    • BadKitty904

      Maybe their Moms came and picked 'em up before the police arrived…

  • no_gravity

    Couldn't they have smoked a joint and gone to Atlas Shrugged: Part 2.

    • Dude! Awesome idea!

      • no_gravity

        Rad!!! Got any papers?

        • Dude, what is this, Arizona, man?

          • Esteev

            Quit stalling and show me them papers!

    • CommieLibunatic

      Pffff, I wouldn't go see that if I were falling-down drunk.

  • ttommyunger

    Dude, where's your car?

    • Esteev

      Under my trampling feet!

      • ttommyunger

        On top of my skinny-skateboarding ass!

  • SorosBot

    Skateboarding may not be a crime, but have you seen those teenage douchebags who do it? It probably should be.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Let's go get a "Drink."

  • Pragmatist2

    Someday, kids in school will be reading about this alongside such other historic moments as the Boston Tea Party, Montgomery bus boycott, and Stonewall. But they will be stoned so they won't notice the difference.

  • memzilla

    See what happens when the people don't own the means of production?

    Stay tuned for more breaking news, here on DMC, the Dialectical Materialism Channel…

    • Beach_Bubba_Tex

      "DMC, where opium is the opiate of the masses"

  • freakishlywrong

    Ha..some riot. Wait until Romney/Ryan buy/steal the election. That will be some fucking rioting, bitches.

    • There will riots either way.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        And we're outgunned.

      • valgal2342

        Yes, but riots in gated communities are black tie and by invitation only. The fountains with cherubs pissing dry martinis are cool though.

    • UW8316154

      in a sluggish economy
      hits the land of the free
      standing in unemployment lines
      blame the government for hard time

      we just get by
      however we can
      we all gotta duck
      when the shit hits the fan

    • Beach_Bubba_Tex

      Just stay hydrated… and try to recycle the Molotovs

  • BadKitty904

    "The lights are growing dim, Otto. I know a life of crime has led me to this sorry fate, and yet, I blame society. Society made me what I am."

    • TavariousChinaSmith

      "That's bullshit. You're a white suburban punk just like me. "

  • SorosBot

    "Hung out outside the 7-Eleven and asked grown-ups to buy them beer. Forgot to riot. "

    Beer at a 7-11? I saw that last week, and was all "what the fuck?" I am looking forward to living there.

    • They don't serve beer in the 7-11s in Pennsyltucky?

      • SorosBot

        Of course not; 7-11s are not bars or delis which are allowed to sell beers in six packs, or beer distributorships which are allowed to sell cases. Beer in 7-11, next thing you know they'll be selling alcohol in grocery stores.

  • TootsStansbury

    The ducks will get them in the end.

  • Doktor Zoom

    “Rincewind, all the shops have been smashed open. There was a whole bunch of people across the street helping themselves to musical instruments, can you believe that?"

    "Yeah," said Rincewind, picking up a knife and testing its blade thoughtfully. "Luters, I expect.”

  • CrunchyKnee

    "There's one in every car, you'll see."

    • BadKitty904

      "It happens sometimes. People just explode. Natural causes."

  • SaintNixon

    Why does Herr R. run, Jay Mok?

  • TavariousChinaSmith

    Skateboards don't riot and loot.
    Bored upper middle class brats riot and loot.

    • Sadly, the Venn diagram for those two groups seems to overlap by a large bit

      • TavariousChinaSmith

        Well "skateboarders" sure, but note I said "skateboards." You know, like "Guns don't kill people…"

        • Clearly you've never been at the bottom of a ramp on the first nice day in Spring.

          • TavariousChinaSmith


          • Really, serious! Kids roll down, slip off and next thing you know a brigade of unmanned boards is rolling, free and unfettered at folks standing at the bottom.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        To be fair, it's hard to skateboard down on the farm…

        • The cowshit mucks up your bearings badly. I mean, you can get sealed wheels, true, but they're awful expensive and that cuts into your trucker hat allowance.

          • thatsitfortheother1

            Stink moguls.

  • Biff

    Brings to mind an old reggae song. Not that I'm a proponent, I'm just sayin'.

    • BornInATrailer

      GD it…

      • Biff


    • proudgrampa

      I Drank Two Drinks for Breakfast,
      I Drank Two Drinks for Lunch,
      I Drank Two Drinks for Dinner,
      I Drank Two Drinks at Night.

      Nothing illegal about that!

  • always intense

    I know of at least one high-flyin fallin' dude who would agree~

    • Meh. That wasn't intense. Bored the hell out of me.

      • I guess "intensity" is in the eye of the beholder imagination, then.

        p.s. Repo Man bored the hell out of me so we're even?

  • More like a playdate than a riot.

  • But how else could the skateboarders have made their displeasure known besides wilding like it is the ’80s at the Puerto Rico Day Parade?

    Psst, it was the West Indian Parade and the cops did it…

  • GregComlish

    Some people just like to riot recreationally, like when the Canucks lose or whenever there is a live performance by Insane Clown Posse.

    • DCBloom

      Never park near an ICP show. Faygo can really fuck up your paint job

  • prommie

    Speaking of 80's wilding and Puerto Rico day gropefests (very different phenomena, Becky you young whippersnapper you), I am hoping for the day when public pool "whoops, there it is" parties make a comeback.

    • TavariousChinaSmith

      Speaking of 80's wilding, I just wanted to note that this phenomenon was made up (probably by the media) during the Central Park Jogger case in which five minority teens were coerced into making false confessions and whose convictions were later overturned by DNA evidence. See the new Ken Burns documentary, and Never Forget!

      • prommie

        Tawana Brawley libel! What I am worried about right now is these "rainbow parties" and jenkem-sniffing thats all going on now! And "the choking game" (which is totally reall!).

        • TavariousChinaSmith

          And I heard that one time, a teenager gave a blow job to another teenager, also, too!

        • Is that what comes after the Crying Game?

        • thatsitfortheother1

          Mmmmmm. Jenkem.

        • TavariousChinaSmith

          Also to quote Joe Jackson's song Beat Crazy:
          Sniffing pot! smoking glue!
          Whatever terrible things they do!
          Smoking LSD and such!
          Must be the reason why they can't talk much.

      • Yea, the term "wilding" came about during the Central Park Jogger case, but has been applied to any group of minority youths ganging up on people.

        When white kids do it, it's to protect their neighborhoods. *rolling eyes*

        • prommie

          I first heard of "wilding" after the incidents after a free Diana Ross concert in Central Park, which was years before the jogger case, is my memory failing me so badly? God knows I am no native manhattanite, but we bridge and tunnel people live for the NY news media's breathless panic-mongering!

        • prommie

          This from a 1989 Times article on the "jogger" case which compares it to the earlier, genuine, Diana Ross concert incidents: "Law-enforcement officials said the the scale of the Central Park episode was reminiscent of an incident in July 1983, when gangs of youths ran amok at a Diana Ross concert in Central Park, beating and robbing scores of people."

      • prommie

        The term was "coined," and the fact of it occurring was not made up, after the 1983 Diana Ross concert in central park during which hundreds of people were mugged openly by large roving mobs. You could maybe look it up.

        • BadKitty904

          I did look it up, since I've never heard the term before. Didn't give the etymology, though… :0/

        • TavariousChinaSmith

          I love words. Here's what I found:
          The OED dates the first use of the term in this context to a Times article from April 22, 1989:

          Some of the 20 youths brought in for questioning had told investigators that the crime spree was the product of a pastime called “wilding.” “It’s not a term that we in the police had heard before,” the chief said.

          But yes, people had been mugged and attacked by gangs, and even "lynched" before 1989.

  • BornInATrailer

    I scratch two cars in time of peace
    And two in time of war
    I scratch two cars before I scratch two cars
    And then I scratch two more

  • White kids, white kids, whatyagonna do?
    Whatyagonna do when there's no seat for yoooou!

  • UW8316154

    Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole.

    • prommie

      But I'm a little dinosaur!

  • Smoked a joint, gone…
    Smoked a joint, went…
    Smoked a joint, sat…
    Smoked a joint, did…

    So Madame Editrix will you be moving to Colorado, Oregon, or Washington if their recreational weed laws pass?

    • I think she lives in California, where it's already mostly legal.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        Colorado is finally going to do something to make Colorado Springs tolerable…

      • But CA still has the "medical" trappings. Please don't hurt yourself when you lol and fall to floor in hysterics.

  • TootsStansbury

    Were they trying to get in to Atlas Shrugged II?

  • DCBloom

    White Punks on Dope
    RIP Vince

    • prommie

      Hey fakakta, look at this!

      • FakaktaSouth

        Heyyyyyy I know this song! I juuust heard it somewheres too…Nice!

  • Esteev

    And the olds say that the kids aren't socially active.

  • dennis1943

    They were auditioning for a Capitol One ad……………

  • DahBoner


    • Esteev

      I came for the Mountain Dew and stayed for the Destruction!

  • "Huckleberry Hamill" is the greatest bystander name ever!

    • Beach_Bubba_Tex

      "Grassy Knoll" not good enough for you kids, huh?

  • TheGyrus

    Pretty stupid to riot about not getting into a movie where there are so many other good reasons to riot these days.

  • There were early reports that one person was arrested for failing to disperse, police said, but details were not immediately available

    How does one person fail to disperse? Sounds more like hanging around than anything else.

  • Come here a minute

    Whatever happened to getting sushi and not paying?

    • Mittaplasia

      Repo Man libel!

    • DahBoner


  • Beach_Bubba_Tex

    Okay, I'm a sucker. I watched the clip. Best line: "Amazingly, police were able to regain control in less than three hours." Good thing it wasn't a surfer riot.

  • LibertyLover

    They could always come to Wonkette and make comments in Spanish….

    • BadKitty904

      Or Portuguese!

  • i would follow huckleberry hamill to the gates of mordor.

    • BadKitty904

      It sounds like a 'boarder move – "Dude, he tried a doin' a huckleberry hamill and totally busted his ass."

  • "Rioting" because they couldn't get into a (probably lovingly restored and preserved) movie theater?
    Lame, dudes!
    Stick with the enormo-plexes in the suburbs next time.

  • LibertyLover

    From the reporter: "Signs of the damage remain: from the broken glass to the damaged cars…"

    And how is this different from a 5.0 earthquake?

    • BadKitty904

      Well, it's much, MUCH lamer, for one…

  • larrykat

    This entire story has been overshadowed, in my mind, by the name "Huckleberry Hammill". Rad or what?

  • Pat_Pending

    Bake and Destroy? What's in their reefer? For me, it was usually, 'smoke two hits and curl up in a paranoid ball, afraid to move or make noise lest the world laugh at me.' Hence my predilection for box chardonnay.

  • Skateboarding isn't a crime, but it can be a real pain in the ass.

  • bobbert

    PISSY RIOT!!!!

  • CthuNHu

    Boy, it's a good thing those punks decided to smash and vandalize everything in sight, 'cause if they'd sat down in peaceful protest, they'd have gotten pepper-sprayed in the face.

Previous article‘Joe’ the ‘Plumber’ Has No Time For ‘Debates’
Next articleIn Shocking Move, Banks Pocket Cash Meant For Homeowners