NO-SHOWS  9:03 am October 15, 2012

‘Joe’ the ‘Plumber’ Has No Time For ‘Debates’

by Kris E. Benson

joe plumberRemember Joe the Plumber, that guy who isn’t really named Joe and isn’t really a plumber but nonetheless became famous for no particular reason during the 2008 election and then somehow managed to get a reporting gig for Pajamas Media and subsequently “wrote” a “book” that now sells for about $00.01 on Amazon? Yes, THAT “Joe” the “Plumber.” It pains us to inform you that he is also “running” for Congress with the same zeal he usually reserves for”plumbing” and book-”writing.”

Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher, the Republican running against U.S. Rep. Marcy Kaptur, D-Toledo, skipped out on the City Club of Cleveland debate Thursday and has earned a reputation for being all but impossible to contact, even by his fellow Republicans.

This is sad for us, because we were looking forward to watching a highlight reel of “Joe” the “Plumber” saying stupid things while Marcy Kaptur rolled her eyes and made jerk-off motions.

The Victory Center, which provides phone banks and logistical support for candidates, hasn’t even received yard signs or campaign literature from Wurzelbacher, she said.

Carrie Miller, spokeswoman for the City Club, said her organization made numerous attempts to reach Wurzelbacher but never heard back. Kaptur ended up speaking alone at Thursday’s event.

…“I’d rather have him in the arena and compete rather than hiding somewhere,” Steve Fought, a veteran campaign staffer working for Kaptur, said…“It’s the voters who lose in this because they deserve to hear what he has to say,” Fought said.

What did the voters do to deserve this? We do not know. But it must be something horrible. Or great, actually, now that we think about it.

[Cleveland Chronicle]

 
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{ 126 comments }

noodlesalad October 15, 2012 at 9:07 am

Lazy, hates paperwork, impossible to reach by phone. Are we sure he's not a plumber?

Zombie_Reagan October 15, 2012 at 9:14 am

It's like he's Sarah Palin without hair.

TavariousChinaSmith October 15, 2012 at 9:31 am

Are we sure that's Sarah's real hair?

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 9:46 am

It's as real as her breasts!

Isyaignert October 15, 2012 at 1:05 pm

$arah Palin's glasses are fake – http://wonkette.com/439199/lou-sarah-friend-sarah

thatsitfortheother1 October 15, 2012 at 9:34 am

Much like Sarah, he's displaying a fine "pair" in that photo.

Serolf_Divad October 15, 2012 at 11:58 am

Probably told the debate moderators he could be there between 8:00 AM and 5:00 PM on Tuesday, "please be sure someone's home to answer the door."

Barbara_ October 15, 2012 at 9:07 am

Maybe they haven't received the yard signs yet because no one really wants one. I know I wouldn't want a yard sign of a man who makes 4 figures a year and could probably injure himself just by yawning.

ufr980 October 15, 2012 at 9:51 am

I actually saw one, and only one, in a front yard driving from Oberlin to Toledo on Friday.

MosesInvests October 15, 2012 at 10:31 am

Good morning, Barb! Or is it "Bom Dia", now?

FNMA October 15, 2012 at 9:10 am

Brilliant strategy. You can't say something stupid if you never speak.

Dr_Zoidberg October 15, 2012 at 9:16 am

This is how I live my life!

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 9:28 am

But if anyone *could*…

TavariousChinaSmith October 15, 2012 at 9:30 am

The Alvin Greene strategy…

keepwalkin October 15, 2012 at 9:10 am

Maybe Samuel can gay marry Joe Arpaio, also bravely running from his debate.

FlownOver October 15, 2012 at 9:29 am

They're both ducking the debates, so maybe it'll work out for them. At least homeschooler Jasmin H. says so.

LibertyLover October 15, 2012 at 10:32 am

Joe Arpaio for the first time has put his wife in his TV ads. It's kinda sad.
He also has a very, very dirty ad about his opponent being a wife-beater.
The man has no shame.

SoBeach October 15, 2012 at 9:11 am

Sounds like the local dems need to organize an intervention and get Joe in front of the cameras and microphones ASAP.

NorthStarSpanx October 15, 2012 at 12:25 pm

To which he'd say, "Stop it. This is hard." even with him not getting 'in' the ring.

PsycWench October 15, 2012 at 4:25 pm

They need only read some of the 5-star "reviews" of the book into the microphone. Phrases such as "intellectually bankrupt, pathologically dishonest, blatantly hypocritical" and "Somehow, this man figured out how to vomit all over paper and magically form words" work so well in public speaking.

Allmighty_Manos October 15, 2012 at 9:11 am

“I’d rather have him in the arena and compete rather than hiding somewhere,”

I guess my incessant screaming to "shut the fuck up" and "jump in a ditch" whenever Joe was on TV really worked.

Clancy_Pants October 15, 2012 at 9:11 am

Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding. — Proverbs 17:28.

Chet Kincaid_ October 15, 2012 at 9:28 am

The Bible: Wrong again.

CrunchyKnee October 15, 2012 at 9:14 am

Klinger wept.

KobayashiMaru October 15, 2012 at 9:15 am

It makes sense that he's running a crappy campaign. Crap is a plumber's bread and butter.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 9:29 am

Hey, plumbing is nothing to sniff at. Neither is Joe or his campaign.

SorosBot October 15, 2012 at 9:16 am

"Remember Joe the Plumber"

No.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 9:30 am

I do have to ask myself – "Why, exactly, is this 'news'?"

thatsitfortheother1 October 15, 2012 at 9:36 am

Any snark in a storm.

randcoolcatdaddy October 15, 2012 at 9:17 am

He couldn't get the right tv makeup for his asscrack.

thatsitfortheother1 October 15, 2012 at 9:37 am

Imagine the back of his Tshirt with a pretty girl's face and neck down to the hem…

Oblios_Cap October 15, 2012 at 9:19 am

Steve Fought, a veteran campaign staffer working for Kaptur, said…“It’s the voters who lose in this because they deserve to hear what he has to say,” Fought said.

Me thinks the voters are the real winners in this.

miss_grundy October 15, 2012 at 11:28 am

Not if they vote for this joker. Unfortunately, dumb people live everywhere, so I'm sure that a lot of them will vote for this guy.

UW8316154 October 15, 2012 at 9:19 am

Maybe the Brazillians took off with him.

Biff October 15, 2012 at 9:33 am

You mean he waxes his head?

Tundra Grifter October 15, 2012 at 11:06 am

Please remind me – how many is a Brazillian?

Boojum October 15, 2012 at 11:24 am

AOT,Kkkkkkkk

ttommyunger October 15, 2012 at 9:20 am

Hmmmmm. I guess he's not as dumb as he looks.

Chet Kincaid_ October 15, 2012 at 9:29 am

It's too late. We already know he's dumber than he looks.

ttommyunger October 15, 2012 at 9:35 am

Izz possible?

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 9:30 am

How could he be?

ttommyunger October 15, 2012 at 9:35 am

Good question; the mind doth boggle….

HistoriCat October 15, 2012 at 1:59 pm

He's pulling a salary from his campaign ($50,000 maybe?) so who's the more foolish – the fool or the fool who pays him?

ttommyunger October 15, 2012 at 2:10 pm

I'm surprised he can stop pulling his pud long enough to pull anything else.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

glamourdammerung October 15, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Actually, he is more dumb than he looks. It is just the cowardice is making him coincidentally do something smart.

pdiddycornchips October 15, 2012 at 9:23 am

This will not end well.

sullivanst October 15, 2012 at 9:26 am

I don't see downside to Marcy Kaptur winning reelection by a landslide.

ufr980 October 15, 2012 at 9:53 am

There is none. She's if not one of the most intelligent, certainly one of the most prescient people I've ever met. I had a fantastic, if tragic, conversation with her about the consequences of NAFTA on the Mexican farming industry, and the resulting immigration crisis it would cause, in the fall of 1992. She was right, unfortunately.

Chet Kincaid_ October 15, 2012 at 9:30 am

You think he's going to win?

pdiddycornchips October 15, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Cut a brotha some slack. I posted this before I had my coffee. I meant it won't end well for Joe the Fake Plumber.

freakishlywrong October 15, 2012 at 9:23 am

One more election cycle with these dumbshits stepping on their own dicks and we may get to be a country that has nice things again.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 9:31 am

From your mouth to God's ear…

fuflans October 15, 2012 at 10:26 am

i don't know. if mittbott wins, we will all have to sacrifice for the Great Wars against britain and poland.

YouFail4eva October 15, 2012 at 11:05 am

The problem with people who step on their dicks? Even when they do, they just pretend that you stepped on yours.

TL;DR: We still won't get nice things.

BZ1 October 15, 2012 at 9:24 am

bring out the empty chair …

sullivanst October 15, 2012 at 9:27 am

I'm wondering whether not-Joe has accomplished the feat of making the local Goobers wish they'd recruited Alan Keyes.

sullivanst October 15, 2012 at 9:25 am

Joe is attempting the impossible: no matter how hard he tries, he'll still never make Alvin Greene look like a good candidate.

Presumably by now it's not even a question whether any doubt remains that Sam's main objective in running was to stretch out his 15 minutes a little? Although, yard signs would still help even with that.

EatsBabyDingos October 15, 2012 at 9:26 am

Okay Ohio, go Kaptur the House.

Chet Kincaid_ October 15, 2012 at 9:40 am

Steve Fought to the end!

TavariousChinaSmith October 15, 2012 at 9:29 am

GOP: plumbing the depths.

ChillBill October 15, 2012 at 9:39 am

I read "plumbing the derps."

TootsStansbury October 15, 2012 at 9:48 am

They should know seeing as they're taking the country on a race to the bottom.

x111e7thst October 15, 2012 at 9:30 am

In his mind and in the Republic of TeaTardia Joe is already a winner.

An_Outhouse October 15, 2012 at 9:30 am

Mr. Wurzelbacher is the real victim here.

kittensdontlie October 15, 2012 at 10:36 am

Yes, his multiple disabilities need to be mitigated for the debate. This list of impairments include but are not limited to speech, mental, social, work…..

CrunchyKnee October 15, 2012 at 9:31 am

In Ohio, to win a race, all one has to do is have an 'R' beside ones name. In little Sammy's case I'll let the folks of Ohio say what the 'R' actually stands for.

ufr980 October 15, 2012 at 9:55 am

That depends on what part of Ohio you're in. Southwest and West Central Ohio certainly. Northwest, Northeast and Franklin County are a bit more difficult. And there is a certain amount of populism that still works in Appalachia.

finette_ October 15, 2012 at 11:22 am

Not in Toledo! Commie unionites, all of 'em. (Well, not quite all…)

TheMightyHaltor October 15, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Ohio is actually pretty "purple". Presidential votes are always close and we have arguably the most liberal Senator not named Sanders (who has a pretty good shot at winning again – yay!). Ohio appears to be more Republican because the congressional districts have been gerrymandered to all hell. There are about 4 districts that are overwhelmingly Democrat (including Kaptur's), filling the other 14 districts with just enough Republicans to make their seats pretty safe. If you look at the new district maps, Kaptur's district stretches along a narrow strip of Lake Erie coast from Toledo to Cleveland. It's so blatantly rigged that a statewide isse is on the ballot this November to try and fix it.

LibrarianX October 15, 2012 at 9:32 am

Joe could make more money from writing a paper doll book – you know, where you cut out a character and pretend that it's real?

ChillBill October 15, 2012 at 9:32 am

Joe The Master Debater.

Chet Kincaid_ October 15, 2012 at 9:35 am

Sean Stipe, the Libertarian candidate in the race, said his campaign strategy has largely been to do the opposite of whatever Kaptur is doing. For instance, Stipe, who wasn’t invited to participate at the City Club debate, said if Kaptur is in Toledo, he’ll campaign in Cleveland.

This is exactly the level of maturity I would expect from the Libertarian candidate.

OneYieldRegular October 15, 2012 at 10:16 am

Toledo is the opposite of Cleveland?

These people need to get out more.

Halloween Jack October 15, 2012 at 10:58 am

You're missing the major issue here, which is–Stipe? Any relation?

ManchuCandidate October 15, 2012 at 9:35 am

Say it ain't show, Joe

Doktor Zoom October 15, 2012 at 9:35 am

Sr Wurzelbacher foi assistir xerife Arpaio, um inquérito da lésbica casamento secreto de Obama para o seu companheiro paquistanês.

Chet Kincaid_ October 15, 2012 at 9:37 am

No Dok!! They got to you too?! Was it the Samba butts?!

Doktor Zoom October 15, 2012 at 9:44 am

A légpárnás hajó valóban tele van az angolna.

Chet Kincaid_ October 15, 2012 at 9:46 am

Slipp truser, Sir William, jeg kan ikke vente til lunsj-tid!

Doktor Zoom October 15, 2012 at 10:19 am

よく演奏、サー。

ChillBill October 15, 2012 at 9:51 am

Joe O Idiota.

BadKitty904 October 15, 2012 at 9:38 am

O Wurzelbacher nome sempre me faz rir …

An_Outhouse October 15, 2012 at 9:45 am

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Biff October 15, 2012 at 9:47 am

kkkkkkkk!

Mumbletypeg October 15, 2012 at 9:41 am

What did voters do to deserve this?

They *are* getting their just desserts by God! After all, "Wurzelbacher" translated from the German means "post-Toastie"~

thatsitfortheother1 October 15, 2012 at 9:56 am

If "bach" is a creek and he's a plumber, what creek could it possibly be?

mrblifil October 15, 2012 at 9:57 am

Carrie Miller, spokeswoman for the City Club, said her organization made numerous attempts to reach Wurzelbacher but never heard back.

This rather confirms my suspicion that perhaps he never existed in the first place.

hollywooddood October 15, 2012 at 10:01 am

This is just Joe's idea of small government.

johnnyzhivago October 15, 2012 at 10:04 am

At 1 cent I'd say this book is a little overpriced.

YouFail4eva October 15, 2012 at 11:06 am

Yeah, but go any lower and you'd basically be giving it away!

Oh, wait….

Tundra Grifter October 15, 2012 at 11:09 am

jz:

Did you know you can purchase a nice set of the collected works of "Dick" Morris on Amazon for about ten cents?

Calapine October 15, 2012 at 12:30 pm

That's because it is an autographed copy. Collectibles are always worth more…

(I am not joking, take a look at the Amazon link)

smashedinhat October 15, 2012 at 10:05 am

What did the voters do to deserve this?
Yup.

johnnyzhivago October 15, 2012 at 10:05 am

Joe is waiting to be named Romney's Secretary of Labor.

thatsitfortheother1 October 15, 2012 at 10:17 am

Chief of the Department of Law.

vulpes82 October 15, 2012 at 10:10 am

So he's "earned a reputation for being all but impossible to contact, even by his fellow Republicans"? And this is a problem for anyone HOW? Sounds like the perfect arrangement.

NorthStarSpanx October 15, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Maybe he hired Palin's scheduler (e.g. her.)

TRW Observer October 15, 2012 at 10:14 am

And then, when he loses, Joe the Plumber will blame it on some librul media conspiracy and the fact that the average voter isn't intellectual enough to support him.

LibertyLover October 15, 2012 at 10:21 am

“It’s the voters who lose in this because they deserve to hear what he has to say,” Fought said.

So they can roll their eyes and make jerk off motions, too? No thank you very much.

LibertyLover October 15, 2012 at 10:26 am

É um dia bonito neste bairro,
Um belo dia para um vizinho,
Você seria meu?
Poderia ser o meu?

Você não vai, por favor,
Você não vai, por favor,
Por favor, você não vai ser o meu próximo?

MosesInvests October 15, 2012 at 10:36 am

Senhor Rogers?

fuflans October 15, 2012 at 10:26 am

he built that.

Barrelhse October 15, 2012 at 10:27 am

I thought a wurzelbacher was one of those things Michele eats at the fair.

Mittaplasia October 15, 2012 at 12:35 pm

I thought a wurzelbacher was a jukebox.

LibertyLover October 15, 2012 at 10:30 am

The voters won't recognize the name on the ballot anyway when they are looking for Joe the Plumber and can only find Sam Wurzelbacher.

ibwilliamsi October 15, 2012 at 10:53 am

He's still working on his talking points.

"Shit rolls downhill" Check.

"Don't put your fingers in your mouth" Check.

DahBoner October 15, 2012 at 11:25 am

Two thumbs up (so we can see that they're not up his ass)…

Halloween Jack October 15, 2012 at 11:02 am

What did the voters do to deserve this?

They nominated the douchebag. Someone who tried to turn his use by McCain in a desperate attempt to demonstrate that he's still got the common touch (despite marrying into money decades ago) into his own demi-celebrity, and that's the best the GOP could come up with in a swing state? Between him and Josh Mandel (who looks like one of the alien shape-shifting Founders from Deep Space Nine, and sort of acts like it too), I have to wonder why the Buckeye State is even in play.

Tundra Grifter October 15, 2012 at 11:08 am

$10,000 sez his campaign contribution financial reports are a bit behind. Additionally, if anyone cared to look into it, I'm betting another $10,000 there are a remarkable number of personal expenditures hidden in there…

FlownOver October 15, 2012 at 11:18 am

You have learned well from your namesake, young padawan.

ElPinche October 15, 2012 at 11:22 am

Joe doesn't need to debate and "talk to people." He'll work for Amurka in a van down by the river.

DahBoner October 15, 2012 at 11:23 am

How many Joe the Plumbers™ does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two.

One to get a beer and one to call an Electrician….

Mittaplasia October 15, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Four. One to put the bulb in and the other three to turn the ladder.

Isyaignert October 15, 2012 at 1:31 pm

One. Joe the Plummer just holds on to the lightbulb and the world revolves around him.

Cleopatriot October 15, 2012 at 11:46 am

I found out over the weekend I have someone running on the Republican side of my Congressional district's race as well. I found out when someone called to ask me who I was voting for, Mike Quigley or this other guy, whose name I've forgotten. That's the first time I'd heard of him.

I mean I know this is Chicago and we don't really *have* Republicans, but still. Shouldn't I at least know this guy's name?

T3rbo October 15, 2012 at 11:46 am

We live in a very whitebread conservative town in CO, where no democrats are running for city council or mayor. It makes me question why in the hell I live where I live, where none of my neighbors share my values. I wonder how many people that are in this schmuck's district have the same thoughts every time they hear the words "joe the plumber."
I have a neighbor who has a bumper sticker that says "AID, EBOLA, and OBAMA: All born in africa, all bad for America." Get it? Africa?
Can someone come up with a way for the left wing to trick hillbillies into voting for them so I can run for mayor of my town?

Isyaignert October 15, 2012 at 1:35 pm

First give 'em food and beer, then blather on and on about freedom and liberty, blah, blah, Founding Fathers, blah, blah. They eat that meaningless crap up. Good luck Mayor T3rbo!!

T3rbo October 15, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Yeah, but I want to make leftist policies into policies that hicks will like. Something like "We need to bolster food stamps because they help hard working white families get out of poverty!"
The free food and beer part seems good, but I need to be able to make environmental protection (JERB KILLER!) into something that people with truck nutz are into. "You should not be able to dump motor oil into creeks, because Jesus Christ DIED to protect waterfowl!"

HistoriCat October 15, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Yer going about it all wrong – get elected and then change your tune. If the other guy wants to cut taxes by 10%, you scream "socialism!" and declare that anything less than a 50% tax cut is unacceptable. Once you're in office, blame the fact that you can't fulfill your campaign promises on the incompetence of your predecessor; drop hints about withheld information and bad assumptions.

"The great majority of people are more likely to believe a big lie than a small one." – some dude in Europe.

larrykat October 15, 2012 at 11:49 am

And such a moron as this will still garner 45% of the vote from the other morons and a few proto-morons.

barto October 15, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Joe can't be bothered because batin'.

Mittaplasia October 15, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Sic the angry ducks on him!

chascates October 15, 2012 at 12:36 pm

He can't bill anyone for that debate time, although it would obviously be at time and a half.

Mittaplasia October 15, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Why the gratuitous butt cleavage? Lately the pictures on here are making me think I'm on the "People of Wal-Mart" site.

T3rbo October 15, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Oh man, I just checked out the "joe for congreesss" website, and it is HILARIOUS. He does not have any of your fancy liberal elite 'white papers,' that is something for gays who marry other gays. Joe has youtube videos, for freedom.
Where, you might be wondering, does 'joe' stand on State's Rights? Oh, you didn't ask that question, because you are not from the 1860s or 1963? Hum. Well, either way, joe if FOR them.
This fucking idiot, I wonder if he even gets that he is blowing a giant dog whistle on accident? Poor poor intellectual midget.
Where does Joe stand on mixed race marriage? That's what I want to know.

Shipee October 16, 2012 at 7:04 pm

At least we know he's got his Halloween costume ready, so he's not a total slacker.
http://joe-the-plumber-2012.com/2012/08/30/joe-th

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