SHYNE ON BRIGHT STAR  3:51 pm October 12, 2012

Five Shockingly Living People Who Endorsed Mitt Romney

by Jesse Taylor

your rapper has just the right shyne

The Washington Free Beacon lists the five most amazingly Romney-endorsing “celebrities” of the 2012 cycle, and let me tell you, guys, these people are all somehow still alive, probably.

1. Lindsay Lohan

The “Mean Girls” star and all-around party girl recently announced that she was voting for Romney. “I just think employment is really important now,” Lohan said to noted news network E!. “So, as of now, Mitt Romney. As of now.”

As of now, she says. When the DTs hit, she’ll gladly vote for whoever runs to the nearest liquor store, but that’s a separate issue.

It is not clear why a Republican would trumpet the endorsement of Lindsay Lohan, who was pretty much in Mean Girls, then Samantha Ronson’s pants, then a pile of cocaine so large Tony Montana simply Biden-grins at it. Anyway, congrats to Mitt Romney. For now.

2. Buzz Bissinger

Buzz Bissinger is the writer of Friday Night Lights (the book, not the movie or TV show that people actually saw), and also a fucking crazy man on Twitter. He endorsed Mittens because Obama had a bad debate, and thinks that Romney will basically do everything Buzz Bissinger ever dreamed of. He is the only actual even remotely famous person on this list.

3. Stacey Dash

We are going to do a Wonkette magic trick. Name the last Stacey Dash movie you saw.

…It was Clueless. It doesn’t matter if you named another movie, and if you did, you are either lying or paid to watch Cinemax.

Stacey is also black, which is shocking because the only black people who have endorsed Mitt Romney to this point are either elected Republicans, Republican party officials, paid staff members or…no, wait, those are quite literally the only black people who have endorsed him. Congrats on being a party of one, Stacey.

4. Jenna Jameson

The only reason JJ is surprising is because porn stars usually like to be deeply involved with third parties.

5. Shyne

Shyne is a Belizean rapper who was involved in a 1999 club shooting with Puff Daddy, deported in 2009, and cannot return to the United States. As the Free Beacon states:

It is unclear if Shyne can legally vote in the United States.

Although if American rapping negroes without ID can, we see no reason why an upstanding noncitizen ex-felon cannot. Or let James O’Keefe do it for him.

In summary: Romney has been endorsed by an addict who can’t stay out of prison, an angry white guy, a pretty black lady who was famous twenty years ago, a porn star, and a noncitizen felon. Other than the angry white guy, this sounds like every Romney event we’ve ever been to.

[Washington Free Beacon]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 355 comments }

snowpointsecret October 12, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Jenna Jameson at least makes sense because both she and Mitt Romney know so many positions.

Toomush_Infer October 12, 2012 at 4:01 pm

But is she naturally black?….

mrpuma2u October 12, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Never mind that Willard says he wants to ban porn, but that was probably a lie when he was pandering for Xtian zealot votes. Who knows where he stands on porn this week.

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 4:06 pm

If he stands on it, he's using it wrong. Damned amateurs…

MittBorg October 12, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Oh, so now YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL???

Sorry. Still high offa Joe Biden's debate performance. That John Kennedy line was priceless.

Mittaplasia October 12, 2012 at 4:08 pm

But…Mitt IS porn! Really low grade clearance bin porn.

MittBorg October 12, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Probly back in favour, since Mormons consume more porn than anybody. I was gonna say "than God," but I don't know if s/he's Mormon.

glasspusher October 12, 2012 at 6:58 pm

"There is no god, and Dirac is his prophet" – Wolfgang Pauli

MittBorg October 12, 2012 at 9:19 pm

(Eyes glasspusher nervously) So, dood, you're on first-name terms with this god dood?

bobbert October 13, 2012 at 1:41 am

She doesn't need porn anymore, just those sweet sweet capital gains.

Tommmcatt_Again October 12, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Wokka Wokka!

She's also a supporter because she won't take another four years of an Obama admistration lying down…

Lascauxcaveman October 12, 2012 at 4:12 pm

And "Buzz" Bissinger makes sense because of the goofy-name solidarity factor.

Also supporting "Mitt" this year:
"PeeWee" Herman
"Puff" the Magic Dragon
"Skip" to My Lou

emmelemm October 12, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Paul Reubens libel!

Yellerdawg October 12, 2012 at 9:05 pm

I did a dead on Peewee impression today from the Tequila dance scene for of my student workers. The blank look I got back reminded me how fast time fllies. I made him pull it up on Youtube and watch it. That reminds me, Fast Timesat Ridgemont High was a good movie too. I was Spicoli.

DemmeFatale October 13, 2012 at 11:49 am

My 25 yr. old girl would have loved your PeeWee impression!

She once declared that there was no way that a black and white, old movie could be scary.
So I sat her down and made her watch "Psycho."
I didn't hear that whippersnapper bullshit anymore.
(Kids today!)

wolvenwood13 October 14, 2012 at 4:52 pm

And don't forget:

Chuck Roast
Rose Bush
General Confusion

ChillBill October 12, 2012 at 4:16 pm

And they are both willing to suck dick for money.

Pragmatist2 October 12, 2012 at 4:16 pm

And Boobs. They are both Boobs.

ph7 October 12, 2012 at 4:19 pm

I suspect their definition of "money shot" differs, however.

LibertyLover October 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm

I thought Mitt only knew the Missionary position.

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Only during wartime.

MittBorg October 12, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Pierced right through the heart, I'd say.

widestanceromance October 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm

She'll swallow anything, even Willard's stump.

MittBorg October 12, 2012 at 5:12 pm

YARK! No thanks for THAT.

tessiee October 12, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Both fuck the world, but Jenna would never fuck a poor person, and MItt would fuck millions of them.

Negropolis October 13, 2012 at 12:46 am

This is SO full of win. lol

mille derps October 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Nice one!

Not_So_Much October 12, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Wasn't LiLo's last role as a beauty pageant contestant from South Carolina?

SayItWithWookies October 12, 2012 at 4:09 pm

No, that was Miss Teen USA, not Miss Has-Been USA.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard October 12, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Ah—method endorsing.

mavenmaven October 12, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Don't forget the biggest celeb of all, TED NUGENT!

Mittaplasia October 12, 2012 at 4:11 pm

The Bambi-killing poopie pants fits perfectly into the list; good call!

ChillBill October 12, 2012 at 4:16 pm

And Kid Rock!

Callyson October 12, 2012 at 4:22 pm

I have Clint Eastwood and Chuck Norris on separate lines: both of them would like a word…

MittBorg October 12, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Well, poopies.

Sharkey October 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Dave Mustaine, also!

MittBorg October 12, 2012 at 5:12 pm

EV'body forgot Chuck Norris.

Yellerdawg October 12, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Nobody forgets Chuck Norris. He just camo's up and hides in your subconcious until you're vulnerable.

MittBorg October 12, 2012 at 9:22 pm

I wish I *could* forget Chuck Norris. His hair looks like the thang that crawled up on Trump's head and done died has a summer home on his head.

bobbert October 13, 2012 at 1:43 am

Chuck who?

finallyhappy October 12, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Stacy Dash is getting a lot of publicity over this- as her career was largely dead- this can only help. if it gets her on a reality show – because somehow in America today being infamous/talentless/a hasbeen can make you big money

Mittaplasia October 12, 2012 at 4:30 pm

In America, you can be trending on the internets if enough people say, "Who the hell is THAT?"

Clancy_Pants October 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Talentless? Did you not see Nora's Hair Salon 2: A Cut Above?

emmelemm October 12, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Or the black airplane movie? (Soul Plane?)

ETA: What? Why did I think she was in that? Maybe I was thinking of the Gwenyth Paltrow stewardess movie.

DemmeFatale October 12, 2012 at 4:53 pm

You just know she's hoping for a gig on "Dancing With the Stars," but I don't think she's big enough for that.

MittBorg October 12, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Oh geez. Are you implying we can look forward to Chris Chrispy tripping the light fantastic?

starfanglednut October 13, 2012 at 9:54 am

Do. Not. Want!

shelwood46 October 12, 2012 at 5:30 pm

W. Kamau Bell did a great bit explaining this last night. It's because if she'd endorsed Obama, she'd be Black Celebrity Obama Supporter #1753 or some such, but now she is Black Celebrity Romney Supporter #1 with a bullet.

Jukesgrrl October 12, 2012 at 6:27 pm

I LOVE that program! I especially appreciate when he takes a microphone out on the street. He finds some heart-warming characters. Tom Morello was a great guest, too.

trampndirtdown October 12, 2012 at 10:47 pm
zumpie October 12, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Honestly, I'll just say it. I think Stacey Dash wrote all those hate letters to herself for the attention. And she stole the idea from an episode of "The LA Complex"

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Mitt Romney – Now Endorsed by LIVE Human Beings!

WhatTheHeck October 12, 2012 at 3:59 pm

What! Are you saying Trailer Trash people are zombies?

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 4:08 pm

That's giving Lohan an awful lot of credit.

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 4:53 pm

She was alive the last time I saw her, I swear.

Negropolis October 13, 2012 at 12:49 am

And, officer, that pound of coke on the dashboard is not mine, swear to god.

PugglesRule October 12, 2012 at 4:11 pm

And Daleks.

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 4:14 pm

And Reptilians…

Toomush_Infer October 12, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Lizard People are for Romney????? WTF???? When did they switch from Al Franken????….Oh, Nooooooo…..

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Shape-shifting reptilian humanoids from Alpha Draconis are people, too, my friend.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 12, 2012 at 4:30 pm

* Warning: Mitt Romney is still not an actual human being. Just endorsed by a troubled few.

no_gravity October 12, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Lindsey Lohan – The face of the Young Republicans.

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Smells like teen spurt…

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Really? I see her more as the "back of the head of Young Republicans"

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

meth face.

HistoriCat October 12, 2012 at 10:58 pm

She would still be an improvement over any of the "Young Guns".

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 12, 2012 at 3:57 pm

The fact that Lindsey Lohan can't get a job is the most unforgivable thing about the obama administration.

iburl October 12, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Alcohol, cocaine, car wrecks, and random sex is her full time job, not sure what she's complaining about.

tessiee October 12, 2012 at 10:41 pm

I bet Herman Cain woulda given her a job.

Negropolis October 13, 2012 at 12:50 am

You are on fire.

NorthStarSpanx October 12, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Says a girl who is chronically unemployable. . .she and Sarah should hook up for the fitness book also.

trampndirtdown October 12, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Oooh they could share dieting tips.

Mumbletypeg October 12, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I'm embarrassed that I do remember Samantha Ronson's name.
And Jesse: how could you forget Lindsay's cameo in Machete?
SurelyMitt will lock up the nun habit fetish vote with this endorsement, at least.

sudsmckenzie October 12, 2012 at 4:03 pm

As far as the "nun habit fetish vote" goes, he still has some work to do.

keepwalkin October 12, 2012 at 3:58 pm

As of now, Lindsey Lohan is dead to me.

“I just think employment is really important now,” Lohan said to noted news network E!. “So, as of now, Mitt Romney. As of now.”

mrpuma2u October 12, 2012 at 4:06 pm

I think a Lohan endorsement will actually work against Willard and Junior.

SexySmurf October 12, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Wait two weeks and she'll just be dead.

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 5:34 pm

How will anyone tell?

PsycWench October 12, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Sounds like she's pretty committed. or should be.

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Well, clearly Lohan saw the uproar Stacy Dash created and figured she needed some of that for herself.

What she seems to have missed is, well, Dash is sorta black and a lot of the furor aimed at her was all about forgetting where she came from…you know, black woman and all that?…the difference being no one cares where Lohan came from because she's a rich white chick and so what the fuck could she possibly know about it all?

So play her a sad trombone. FAIL

kingofmeh October 12, 2012 at 4:45 pm

is she concerned about employment because she understands she might have to get a real job soon?

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Well then shouldn't she vote for Obama? She's going need job training.On top of rehab.

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Drug addiction is a pre-existing condition, to be sure

Lascauxcaveman October 12, 2012 at 5:08 pm

It's pretty clear she doesn't understand much of anything.

shelwood46 October 12, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Perhaps she hopes to play Egg in an upcoming Lifetime Movie. They look about the same age.

kittensdontlie October 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm

There goes the felon vote, swinging over to Romney.

ChapterUndVerse October 13, 2012 at 1:55 am

Does that count as voter fraud libel? Inquiring minds want to know.

DemmeFatale October 12, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Me too. I used to (sorta) have a motherly concern for her.
Kind of in a "poor thing, talented and stuck with idiot parents, doesn't anybody care about her" way.
Not anymore.

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Oh, I'm sure it's occurred to more than one man that it might be…interesting…to be a father-figure to her.

In a priest-sexy nun sort of way.

What? I can't be the only one who thought that!?!

Yellerdawg October 12, 2012 at 9:18 pm

No, no, no. Getting mixed up with that much crazy is something you only do once, but you remember for the rest of your life. Sort of like a motorcycle wreck.

bobbert October 13, 2012 at 1:48 am

Um, no.

But then time rolled on, and, you know, what the fuck? Even in fantasy, I don't want to see my dick in a wringer.

Negropolis October 13, 2012 at 12:51 am

Now?

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Speaking of loving creamy chocolate, has Rick Santorum seen the cover of this issue of XXL?

elviouslyqueer October 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm

I will need a couple gallons of bleach to wash out the mental image of somebody licking caviar from between Buzz Bissinger's toes in Cannes.

Wait. Has anybody seen Dick Morris lately?

Tommmcatt_Again October 12, 2012 at 4:22 pm

You need a spanking, young man!

SexySmurf October 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm

I just think employment is really important now

Sorry Lindsay, but your failure to find work the last four years has less to do with Obama's ability to handle the economy and more to do with your inability to handle Grey Goose.

Allegedly. With votes.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 12, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Yes plus can you ever have a dumber reason to vote Republican? I know Lohan is barely conscious but she was semi-sober during the Bush years. Uh hey Lindsey…put the bottle down for a moment there muffin. Remember George Bush? Mitt Romney's "employment" policy is the same minus the Texan accent and Jesusy rhetoric. That's right dumpling, exactly the same. Now do you feel stupid or what? Also, if you want to start working again you might need to go to AA and lock yourself away for a year or just do porn…you're at that point.

Negropolis October 13, 2012 at 12:52 am

This.

dcjdjay October 12, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Stacy Dash will now get a job in a Kirk Cameron production, and show up as "Black person 2 in Car/Shop/Mall" in the credits.

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Or as Mary Magdalen in "Crucifixion – The Musical".

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 12, 2012 at 5:52 pm

True…although appearing in a Kirk Cameron production is the same as being unemployed because the budget is so low because who the fuck wants to watch a Kirk Cameron project? Oh yeah, Ray Comfort does while very slowly stroking a banana…

noodlesalad October 12, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Dear Wonket, there a lot of other stars not on this list. Goldman Sachs, Blackstone Group, Credit Suisse, etc. etc. Corporations are celebrities too, my friend!

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Jesus!

Serolf_Divad October 12, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Moroni!

ManchuCandidate October 12, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Stacy Dash is older than me, but she's still looks way younger than Lohan or Jameson.

I'd tap that even if she wants to vote for Romboto.

Barrelhse October 12, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Maybe you could flip her vote while you're in there.

punkneverdies October 12, 2012 at 4:02 pm

nah i saw a stasy dash flick with lil kim where they were in some bad ass bandit band in the old west

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Great gawdamighty…

punkneverdies October 12, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Gang of Roses BOYEEE

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Dang, dude – 2003?

rmjagg October 12, 2012 at 4:03 pm

lindsay lohan was under pressure from pat sajak …

emmelemm October 12, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I get really annoyed with my mom for watching Wheel of Fortune since I found out Sajak is a Republican.

Jukesgrrl October 12, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Alex Trebek, too. I'm sure they're both in the 1%, so I guess it makes sense. If they actually had the ability to empathize with others they might have been actors instead of game show hosts.

BoatOfVelociraptors October 12, 2012 at 7:00 pm

They get to gloat over losers on every show. Of course they are republican.

tessiee October 12, 2012 at 10:45 pm

"Sajak is a Republican"

He's not just "a" Republican, he's Dan Quayle.

Negropolis October 13, 2012 at 12:54 am

That Sajak is a Republican concerns me less than the fact that he's apparently crazy, rabid conservative. Yes, yes, there are still some middle-of-the-road Republicans left in hollywood.

punkneverdies October 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

by the way don't let buzz's personality make you think that Friday Night Lights book isn't a gripping piece of journalism. He seems to have created something bigger and better than his own cretinous self.

CrankyLttlCamperette October 12, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I like Bissinger's work. A Prayer for the City is one of the best books written about Philly that I have ever read. I was a little surprised at how publically and vehemently he went off the rails, especially considering how much he hates blogs…

punkneverdies October 12, 2012 at 4:53 pm

I'm just waiting for Michael Lewis to lose his fucking mind as well.

Generation[redacted] October 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Did Lohan remember to register to vote?

No. She did not.

Geminisunmars October 12, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Shhhhh…don't tell her. Let it be a surprise when she goes to the ballot box.

fuflans October 12, 2012 at 5:48 pm

she'll end up in jail again prolly.

Mittaplasia October 12, 2012 at 4:18 pm

It might be a moot point per Dead Pool ratings…the election is weeks away, ferchrissakes!

kittensdontlie October 12, 2012 at 4:52 pm

She will just buy someone's vote,…it's only a small felony.

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Does she even have a licence?

Negropolis October 13, 2012 at 12:55 am

But, she's white with an American name, so her voter fraud is competely acceptable.

YouBetcha October 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I'm no longer on the fence. Thank you , Wonkette, for notifying me of the important Lohan Endorsement. Now I have to go to the mailbox and fish out my absentee ballot before the mail carrier arrives so I can change my vote from Jill Stein to Mitt Romney.

coolhandnuke October 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Ed McMahon: Lohan, Dash, Bissinger, Jameson and Shyne.
Karnac: What is a rash, a Dash, a hash, a gash and an ass.

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Heyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…

1stNewtontheMoon October 12, 2012 at 4:14 pm

that was fucking tremendous.

Mittaplasia October 12, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Ed McMahon to Nuke in a loud booming voice: You are correct, sir!

snowpointsecret October 12, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Can we have a comment of the day and feature this? It's just so beautiful, I want to frame it on my wall.

mrpuma2u October 12, 2012 at 4:32 pm

seconded. Hooray for a Karnac reference!

rickmaci October 12, 2012 at 4:22 pm

A: "Over 105."

Q. "Under the Romney/Ryan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?"

coolhandnuke October 12, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Or: What is just slapher, a snapper, a crapper, a fapper and a rapper.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 12, 2012 at 5:54 pm

That was pretty awesome

littlebigdaddy October 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

And I thought Jenna Jameson quit doing anal years ago!

rickmaci October 12, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Maybe. But it seems she still has a thing for assholes.

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 5:11 pm

But she'll still do anything for money!

Serolf_Divad October 12, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Two girls, one Mitt.

John Birf Society October 12, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Linsey Lohan's endorsement might be influential with her AARP peers. Wait, she's how old? Holy shit.

ManchuCandidate October 12, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Coke does not do the body good.

Tundra Grifter October 12, 2012 at 4:05 pm

And let's see what J.C. Watts' father had to say about Republicans and the Republican Party please. … "A Black man voting for the Republicans makes about as much sense as a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders."

~ James Carville

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 12, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Yes, like nearly every black person who votes Republicans I really cannot understand it. Seriously, what's the fucking appeal? Don't those "take my bags and put them in the room" jokes ever get old on retreats? How about hearing how the NAACP and pretty much every pro-black community organization is more racist than the KKK while also hearing how the KKK was mostly about morality. I mean JC, how the fuck do you make it through a single event with these people without clocking one for being condescending and telling you for the millionth time how you're less intelligent than a wooden piece of white cardboard who reads talking points? I know why Herman Caine does it…to get the best hooker tips. But seriously, come on….

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 4:07 pm

However, as I posted over in Wonkville, Luke Skywalker endorsed Obama

ManchuCandidate October 12, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Aw Uncle Biden!!

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 4:12 pm

The Force is strong with that one…

gullywompr October 12, 2012 at 4:21 pm

These are not the endorsements I'm looking for.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 12, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Yes hey give Hamill credit…sure he didn't age well and most people only know him as Luke Skywalker but he does a pretty fucking awesome Joker voice. I was midly surprised to find out he's the voice of the Joker in those rocksteady Batman games (which are amazing to put it mildly) and the guy gets steady work as a voice actor. Which is a lot more than I can say for any of these Romney supporters here. By the way, I actually heard alan colmes interview Victoria Jackson…she's as dumb as she is crazy. My favorite was her proof that Obama is Satan which of course, she could not produce…but it's there! Jerome Corsi showed it to her!

tessiee October 12, 2012 at 10:53 pm

"My favorite was her proof that Obama is Satan which of course, she could not produce"

I read this as: "Obama is Satan, which of course, she could not pronounce".

actor212 October 13, 2012 at 6:41 am

In fairness to Hamill, just after Star Wars was released, he had a major car accident that disfigured his face and required massive reconstructive surgery. This is why Empire opens with the scenes on the tauntaun, so they could explain why his face so radically changed between movies.

Negropolis October 13, 2012 at 12:58 am

I'd have thought Luke was a Republican, fighting an Evil Empire and all.

JustPixelz October 12, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Living people are people, my friend.

Jenna Jameson is the perfect Romney supporter. She used swallowing whoppers.

Lindsay Lohan seems about right. Her break was in Parent Trap playing twins who were opposites.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 12, 2012 at 6:17 pm

True and being a long lived porn star Jenna Jameson knows firsthand what being fucked daily and intimately well what a Cleveland steamer feels like. So now by endorsing the Mittbot she has decided to make us all feel it…sort of like when Paul Ryan gave himself his first hard on while looking at himself and hasn't been able to stay out of the camera since then.

vodkamuppet October 12, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Damn, Victoria Jackson still can't get recognized. Or Blair from Facts of Life whose name I still can't remember even though she's on a show I guiltily watch every week.

PsycWench October 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Well, this was a list of celebrities. Nothing to celebrate there.

imissopus October 12, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Could there be a more ironically titled Lindsay Lohan movie than Herbie Fully Loaded?

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Y'know, I hadn't thought of that…

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm

The Parent Trap

Lascauxcaveman October 12, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I liked that movie; watched it with my kids. But for teh first 20 minutes or so, I just assumed 'Herbie' was the name of her brassiere.

GeorgiaBurning October 12, 2012 at 8:41 pm

my roommate also had a cute name for his bong

pinkocommi October 12, 2012 at 4:12 pm

“I just think employment is really important now,” Lohan said . . . .

You really can't blame her because when did Lindsay Lohan last have a job?

rickmaci October 12, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Like she is ever going to work again in this town.

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Oh, but guys, she's trying!

SayItWithWookies October 12, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Now all Mitt has to do is get the dead Mormon vote and he'll have this thing sealed up.

mookwrthwilson October 12, 2012 at 11:36 pm

You mean Fyvush Finkel and Anne Frank??

bobbert October 13, 2012 at 1:55 am

Vote early and Mormon.

Negropolis October 13, 2012 at 1:57 am

Hell, if he wins the dead Mormon vote, he'd have enough votes to become President of Earth.

Grief_Lessons October 12, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Perhaps what is surprising about these celebrity endorsements is the fact that anyone considers these people celebrities.

ChillBill October 12, 2012 at 4:34 pm

…or people.

Grief_Lessons October 12, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Hey, the rich and famous are just like you and me. Except rich. And famous. Also.

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I'm still trying to wrap my head around this whole "Buzz Bissinger" phenomenon.

Never heard of, until this week, but suddenly his name is everywhere. He's like a Sim or something, I guess.

Buzz = Lightyear
Bissinger = a mash-up of Kim Bassinger or Bank Kissinger

It's all bullshit, man, the guy's a nothingburger.

weejee October 12, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Speaking of Lindsay, here is a nice bit on how the war on drugz has really saved America. Say Barry, here's $1.5 trillion in budget savings.

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 4:20 pm

In my cups, I believe Obama will at least decriminalize possession and dismantle the drug-prison cycle for marijuana in his second term, if not legalize it outright. He's kind of hinted in that direction in the past, and I don't think it was a coincidence that his "chooming" was detailed this year.

mrpuma2u October 12, 2012 at 4:37 pm

I sure hope you are right. I get sick (and MJ is a great anti-nausea remedy) to my stomach when I think of our stupid ass war on drugs and private prison industry. Bongs, also.

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I've got my eye on a vacant lot near me that I will snap up in a heartbeat the minute it becomes legal to grow.

Think of how the real estate industry will bounce back then!

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Do you need a "product" tester?

rickmaci October 12, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I'm all in for a threesome with the porn star and the pretty black lady.

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Too late: Ron Jeremy's already endorsed Romney as well.

And believe me, he don't leave sloppy seconds.

Well, sloppy yes, Seconds, no.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 12, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Isn't Ron Jeremy like in PETA or something? I think from that terrible VH1 show that he was he is in PETA. I'll bet endorsing the guy who stuck his dog on the roof of the car for a cross country drive and who also had a vet shoot a lame horse up with enough pain killers to addle a blue whale just so he could sell it at profit (look up Super Hit and be prepared to think the Seamus incident was mild by comparison) to other dancing horse enthusiasts goes over really well with PETA people.

deanbooth October 12, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Hey, I didn't lose my job because the economy is bad. The economy is bad because I lost my job.

* no snark — my profitable company was Bained *

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Aw, man, that sucks. I went through that in the go-go 80s a couple of times.

fuflans October 12, 2012 at 5:51 pm

my company wasn't bained but i still lost my job. and the economy is bad.

Pragmatist2 October 12, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I hope he baptizes them all – especially Lindsay.

rmjagg October 12, 2012 at 5:34 pm

with his sweaty wet teabags …

el_donaldo October 12, 2012 at 4:17 pm

… this sounds like every Romney event we’ve ever been to.

Me too. In that having never been to a Romney event, I've also never spent time with a formerly famous pretty black woman or a porn star. Angry white guy, yes, I've done that. Addict freshly out of and soon to be back into prison, well, yes, check, I've known those. Felonious non-citizen? O.K., yes, probably.

So I'm three-fifths of a celebrity Romney voter?

GunToting[Redacted] October 12, 2012 at 6:40 pm

You're black?

el_donaldo October 12, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Lindsay Lohan's left breast, actually. Or I wish I was.

Texan_Bulldog October 12, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Don't forget Kid Rock and umm…

Oh, and Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs & Ford spokesperson. Pretty ironic he's endorsing Mittens who wanted to let the car industry go bankrupt….hope that Ford cash keeps his conscience warm at night.

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 5:05 pm

And spends his days with the proles.

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Yea. Isnt THAT ironic?

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Not really. How else is he going to keep videotaping their peasantry if he doesn't have all the monies?

Jukesgrrl October 12, 2012 at 6:44 pm

That Mike Rowe endorsement made me furious. No more Fords for me. GM all the way.

trampndirtdown October 12, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Chevy Volt! (well maybe in ten more years when I can pick up a used one fairly cheap)

Jukesgrrl October 14, 2012 at 1:52 am

That's my next car, too.But I'm also going to wait awhile.

Chet Kincaid_ October 13, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Well, it's like the Most Interesting Man controversy, you can't hold the company responsible for the view of an actor paid to play an endorser. And you can't ask me and the wife to give up our time-wasting Deadliest Catch Series Recording on the DVR!!

shelwood46 October 13, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Rowe claimed that his appearance at that Romney rally wasn't an endorsement. He says he also asked Obama (in 2009) to let him talk about proles, but never got a response. He recently made the same request to the Romney campaign, who did give him the okay to get up and talk about… stuff that that the Romney campaign absolutely, completely does not support. Somehow, Rowe did not think that speaking at a Romney campaign event with Romney would give people the impression Rowe endorsed him.

In other news, Mike Rowe is naive and stupid.

Jukesgrrl October 13, 2012 at 6:04 pm

And Ford oughta be pissed at him.Didn't he talk to his business manager before he did that?What?His paper-towel wielding mother is his business manager?

vodkamuppet October 12, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I'm holding out for the all important Amanda Bynes endorsement.

OneYieldRegular October 12, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Does Lindsay Lohan realize that Mitt Romney is someone with whom she couldn't even have a beer?

Texan_Bulldog October 12, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Or a Coke or coffee or tea or chocolate or a human moment. I guess they could talk about their amazing underwear.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 12, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Nope….your facts are out of date. I spent an unholy amount of my life living in Utah and remember when Mormons could suddenly drink Coke. No shit, the LDS church bought this distributor in Utah named Swire Coca-Cola and right on cue the LDS president had a "revelation" that consumption of Coke was suddenly okay. I taunted certain Mormon friends with that one for years. I would have taunted them over the sudden "revelation" about removing racism from their church but a good number of mormons are still VERY, VERY racist.

Jukesgrrl October 12, 2012 at 6:45 pm

The night of the first debate, I saw a back-stage video of the Rmoney family relaxing back stage. There was a Coke can on the table in front of them. I wondered about that.

trampndirtdown October 12, 2012 at 11:20 pm

When I lived there ( Ogden) in the late seventies, the grocery stores had the beer in glass door coolers which were painted black so you couldn't see the sin.

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 4:37 pm

More for her!

Generation[redacted] October 12, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I think that's a condition of her parole.

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Ankle bracelet breathalyzers are in for Fall.

mrblifil October 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Mitt Romney because unemployment. OK done with her.

Jukesgrrl October 12, 2012 at 6:46 pm

You were still holding out hope?

ChillBill October 12, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Sounds like a reject list from "The Apprentice."

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

I'm still waiting to see who Gary Busey and Nick Nolte endorse.

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Have Mel Gibson, Britney Spears, and Courtney Love weighed in on the issues yet?

vodkamuppet October 12, 2012 at 4:42 pm

And what about Randy Quaid?

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 12, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Busey= Romney, Nolte= Obama. Nick Nolte is an old man but he's still relevant compared to the unmitigated failure on this list. Busey became appropriately considering he is completely insane a born again (and had a stroke, have you seen how fucked up he looks?) so naturally like most completely insane people he supports the GOP. I'm still waiting for the coveted Kiss endorsement though I can almost guarantee to a man and with their past as being humongously greedy easy sell outs it's Mittens.

Jukesgrrl October 12, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Yet every time I see Bruce Springsteen in LA, Gene Simmons and his wife are in the audience. And he used to date Cher, of free helmets for the troops. He's a very conflicted man. Maybe the make-up is seeping into his brain.

bobbert October 13, 2012 at 1:59 am

I'm not sure, but I think Gene is just an asshole.

Jukesgrrl October 14, 2012 at 1:51 am

He wouldn't be the first Bruce fan to be one.

DemmeFatale October 12, 2012 at 10:27 pm

I thought he was messed from wiping out on his bike without a helmet.
(I learn something new every day!)

sudsmckenzie October 12, 2012 at 7:14 pm

I can only assume Busey will endorse the Hibiscus in his back yard.

tessiee October 12, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Gary Busey is probably the only person in America who is both crazier AND whiter than Mitt, so that's a no-brainer (as is Gary).

trampndirtdown October 12, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Don't forget Meatloaf.

bobbert October 13, 2012 at 2:01 am

I happen to think Bat out of Hell was a really good album. After that, I don't give a shit about Meat's opinion, whatever it is.

ElPinche October 12, 2012 at 4:35 pm

My google alert is set for Steve Guttenberg's endorsement.

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 4:36 pm

paid to watch Cinemax

I'm not proud and I think you'd at least thank me for keeping "Cinemax After Dark" on the air for all these years.

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Reminds me of my formative years: all 30 of them.

Toomush_Infer October 12, 2012 at 4:37 pm

I haven't heard much about Donald Trump since I fired him…

tessiee October 12, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Lindsay Lohan got into an argument with the waitstaff at Carvel Ice Cream, and was pwned by Fudgy the Whale, a frozen dessert.
that is all.

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm

That was her mom, who tried to cash in on Ali's "Free Carvel For Life" gift

glasspusher October 12, 2012 at 7:16 pm

I had a Carvel 8 blocks from where I grew up. Vividly remember beating my friend Tony, 8 chocolate shakes to 7, in a shake off, but I'm wondering who really lost that one. At least I didn't "lose it". Ah, the days of my youth with my rubber stomach…

actor212 October 13, 2012 at 6:43 am

And real metabolism….

glasspusher October 13, 2012 at 10:54 am

Rilly. It was fun while it lasted. I tell my teenage son to enjoy being immortal, it'll last him about 20 more years.

weejee October 13, 2012 at 10:23 am

Whale of a tale.

Mittaplasia October 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm

OT, but in other news, God, for the first time in ages, jumped in on a political topic and said, "You guys have been given free will and I won't tell you how to vote, but that Romney guy – I didn't build that!"

Dudleydidwrong October 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Does Jon Lovitz count as a "shockingly living people?" No? I didn't think so. (Puts Lovitz in the "Putrid Deceased" category)

Tequila Mockingbird October 12, 2012 at 4:42 pm

The people on this list are as useful as a tampon at Betty White's house.

LibertyLover October 12, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Tampons are good for nosebleeds.

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Those things are funny even when you're alone.

Barrelhse October 12, 2012 at 7:08 pm

And not nearly as useful as Rose Kennedy's black dress.

snowpointsecret October 12, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I'm going to be perfectly honest, I hadn't heard of more than half of the people listed there.

LibertyLover October 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Marc Cuban endorsed Romney too..

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Well, he is a douche, so there's that.

Jukesgrrl October 12, 2012 at 6:54 pm

And W.'s neighbor in Dallas. I think you have to be an R to buy into that development.

Chet Kincaid_ October 13, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Well, I just read this:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-cuban/governor

Either this is extremely subtle sarcasm intended to prove that Romney is a fraud, or I am giving Cuban too much credit for intelligence.

Barrelhse October 12, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Guess that sews up the Latino vote.

Negropolis October 13, 2012 at 1:05 am

Yeah, but he's always been a dick. It'd have been news if he'd endorsed someone beyond his love for his own money.

bobbert October 13, 2012 at 2:03 am

Did he? Because he was saying a lot of pretty pro-O sounding shit last month.

LibertyLover October 13, 2012 at 12:42 pm

He has some shit opinion piece over on Huffington Post— I know, I know… Huffpo..

Sharkey October 12, 2012 at 4:47 pm

UPDATE: Too bad Lindsay is not registered to vote.

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 5:21 pm

So that's what she meant by "…for now".

PugglesRule October 12, 2012 at 5:26 pm

And probably would crack up another car on the way to doing so.

carlgt1 October 12, 2012 at 4:54 pm

LiLo endorsing Romney immediately makes her a top GOP intellectual!

MUHAMMED_PBUH October 12, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Of course Shyne is pro-Romney; he's a Haredi Jew (and also because his bids to be pardoned by Patterson or Obama never got any traction).

finallyhappy October 12, 2012 at 5:30 pm

I thought this was your weird joke until I looked him up- his dad is also the prime minister of Belize.

trampndirtdown October 12, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Oh and btw his flows suck.

Chet Kincaid_ October 13, 2012 at 12:51 pm

I don't follow your logic. Brave avatar, btw.

T3rbo October 12, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I am never going to watch a TV show or movie or listen to any music that features any of these people ever. Also, I don't like the fact that they support Romney.

Mittaplasia October 12, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Is there a Guinness record for the world's smallest boycott?

T3rbo October 12, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Think about the impact of this thing, if we all pledge to do this. It could be really, really, really big. Lindsay won't get that Academy Lifetime Achievement Award, Buzz won't get that Nobel Prize for Literature, Stacey Dash will NEVER get that sweet U.N. ambassadorship, Jenna Jameson won't be on Inside the Actors' Studio, that one rapper guy won't get a congressional medal of freedom for shooting at P Diddy…

bobbert October 13, 2012 at 2:05 am

I like this boycott, because it will accomplish all its goals if we just take a nap.

Gleem McShineys October 12, 2012 at 5:28 pm

After reading the list, and then Googling them, I found out I've been retroactively boycotting them this whole time.

T3rbo October 12, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Thanks to bit torrent, I have been stealing from Jenna Jameson for years

tessiee October 12, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Followed for this comment/hairpin turn.

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Does Lindsey know that this doesn't mean Romney's going to endorse checks for her?

WABishop October 12, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Wait, since when have Mormons needed people to be living to count them as supporters?

Mittens Howell, III October 12, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Romney appears to have sewn up the side boob demgraphic.

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I didn't know Obama smoked cigars.

T3rbo October 12, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I remember seeing the "news" that Jenna Jameson was endorsing romney, and I remember thinking to myself, self, this is some kind of PSA warning against plastic surgery? Did the surgeon blow meth smoke in her mouth the whole time, or?
http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQMqTAyeE

GunToting[Redacted] October 12, 2012 at 6:44 pm

AAAAAAHHH!!! That looks worse than the Walton Coggins cameo on Sons of Anarchy this week. Feel free to google.

tessiee October 13, 2012 at 12:18 am

From that picture, I'm inferring that Jenna is endorsing Mitt because's he's planning to defund PBS, and she wants Big Bird's outfit.

Disassembly October 12, 2012 at 5:09 pm

And uh, I just uh, I think, in fact, some of them around town, I saw Jon Voight, a lot uh … of people around here to town …

T3rbo October 12, 2012 at 5:18 pm

was he yelling at a cloud, by any chance?

Disassembly October 12, 2012 at 5:25 pm

You know, it's, uh, it's like in Liberia…or is it Libra? No, that's not… it's…well, uh, Romney, you know. But Biden, I mean geez. And, you know, and all that.

skmind October 12, 2012 at 5:14 pm

“So, as of now, Mitt Romney. As of now.”

Does Wonkette get a finder's fee for locating another undecided voter for Wolf Blitzer?

savethispatient October 12, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Stacey Dash is so fetch!

Jukesgrrl October 12, 2012 at 6:58 pm

And she's 45. (I just looked her up on IMDb because I didn't know who she is.) She looks younger than Lindsay. Come to think of it, I look younger than Lindsay.

Chet Kincaid_ October 13, 2012 at 12:46 pm

How you doin'?

Jukesgrrl October 13, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Actually, I look younger than I feel.

Negropolis October 13, 2012 at 1:07 am

Stop it! Fetch is never going to be a thing!

Yeah, it was a long, boring weekend a few weeks ago. First time ever sitting through Mean Girls, and I only did it 'cause of Tina Fey.

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Lindsey can't drive, but at least she's not a virgin.

ElPinche October 12, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Shyne the last real "rapper" alive? Apparently XXL has gone downhill . As far as I know Talib Kweli is still alive and well.

finallyhappy October 12, 2012 at 5:32 pm

I was going to say Drake but he is hip-hop- as if I know the difference

Chet Kincaid_ October 13, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Light-skinneded and Canadian?! He frontin'. (I think this is how the kids talk, I prefer the Old People's R&B Stations.)

trampndirtdown October 12, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Hell Colbert can spit it better than Shyne. Also Too SC inherited the name Mos Def. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3hmhESUZOY http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-v

bobbert October 13, 2012 at 3:01 am

Fuck, Marshall is still alive, as far as I know. Retired isn't dead. (This is a particularly touchy point with me).

rmjagg October 12, 2012 at 5:41 pm

it's as if victoria jackson never existed … her fall from celebrity to this ' not even worth mentioning ' position is something she's been through before and has never accepted . does she have to self-immolate to be recognized now ?

Jukesgrrl October 12, 2012 at 6:58 pm

We can only hope.

Steverino247 October 13, 2012 at 10:14 am

Well, the stupid, it does burn…

shelwood46 October 12, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Bissinger's endorsement apparently emboldened Romney's campaign to start using the "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose" thing from Friday Night Lights. Friday Night Lights the TV show, that is, it was never in the book (or movie). So Peter Berg, the one who wrote that, has told them to STFU and go fuck themselves, and to definitely stop saying that. Hee.

bobbert October 13, 2012 at 3:02 am

Oh, that's good.

LibrarianX October 12, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Has Urkel weighed in yet?

Barrelhse October 12, 2012 at 7:15 pm

My Urkel looks like it might weigh in at about 2 oz. when its dry.

Generation[redacted] October 12, 2012 at 7:34 pm

If Romney wins, he'll be all like, "Did I do that?"

MistaEko October 12, 2012 at 5:55 pm

6. A Rod – 1%er. Subsists entirely on an alleged greatness from a vague time past. Latest man to lose his job and blame Obama.

/C'mon McLouth, let's get some runs.

ChrisM2011 October 12, 2012 at 5:57 pm

I'll forgive Stacey Dash for this. She still looks haaaaawt.

DerrickWildcat October 12, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Hey you guys, it's bird Friday! Go put on some socks, because these pictures will knock them right off!
Today's bird is a Sora! They are not rare or anything, but they are Sneaky Petes. I'd be hard pressed to ever get this close to one again.
This is an Adult http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/8065098

This is a little kid. I got super close so it's super big! http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/8065096

And this is a picture of the craziest thing I've ever seen! See if you can figure it out. http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/8065088

Jukesgrrl October 12, 2012 at 7:03 pm

I've never even heard of a Sora. I learn so much on Wonkette. They're very cute, DW, and those are great photos. As for that third picture … don't show it to any Evangelicals. They'll think it's a harbinger of End Times. Come to think of it "harbinger" sounds like a bird name.

DerrickWildcat October 12, 2012 at 7:17 pm

They are really skulky. They hide in cattails in marshes.It's hard to get a good look at one. The last picture had a happy ending because the bird got away.

Barrelhse October 12, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Leda and the Frog?

Great pics, I remember the vid. of the cranes you had up last year.

DerrickWildcat October 12, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Yeah, that's a pretty big Bullfrog attacking the Sora. It grabbed it and pulled it under the water. The Sora eventually got away.

DerrickWildcat October 13, 2012 at 1:33 am

Fun Birding tip:
Cemeteries can be super good places for birds…which is where I took these shots.
A variety of big trees that are spaced apart so you have good light and unobstructed views. This particular cemetery has a little pond in the back with water in it!
Nebraska still remains in a horrible drought so ponds with water in them are few and far between. http://droughtmonitor.unl.edu/

ElPinche October 13, 2012 at 1:58 am

I bet they taste like chicken.

Just kidding! Nice pics ( I dig the Sora kid one) ! it's good to see someone is actually stopping and smelling the roses…in this case taking bird watching. werd !

DerrickWildcat October 13, 2012 at 2:08 am

Technically, I'm more of a Bird photographer. Yes it helps a lot to know a little about your subject, but I generally avoid, "birders" because a lot of them are really weird and obsessive and we often butt heads.

HarryButtle October 12, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Jon Voight and Pat Boone an recently-not-living Andy Williams, too. Also. But they're all oldz, so, no surprise.

Generation[redacted] October 12, 2012 at 7:53 pm

oldz and don't need medicare or social security.

Generation[redacted] October 12, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Romney's inauguration party is gonna be off da hook, yo!

LibertyLover October 12, 2012 at 11:30 pm

No alcohol, no soft drinks, no cigarettes, Rafalca the only one dancing, over by 8 pm.

tessiee October 12, 2012 at 7:52 pm

So, the take-away from this is that…
Mitt is going to send Lindsay Lohan to China?

fuflans October 12, 2012 at 8:01 pm

for some reason mark mardell over at bbc thinks last night was a draw.

wtf?

Generation[redacted] October 12, 2012 at 8:18 pm

After Biden chopped off both arms and both legs, he said, "Alright, we'll call it a draw."

finallyhappy October 12, 2012 at 8:45 pm

he's a Brit- he doesn't understand about us- he thinks little pieces of toast are called soldiers and calls potato chips- crisps and French fries- chips.

Negropolis October 13, 2012 at 1:10 am

A whole slew of talking heads seem to think the same. God forbid they ever say anything good about Obama-Biden, again. The media is hard-up on narratives. They change them when they want to change them, not because something has actually changed. I hate them. Right now we're stuck on "Obama is doomed! DOOMED!". Maybe before election day we'll get back to "Romney has no chance of winning this thing." But I wouldn't count on it.

Cheneysleftnut October 12, 2012 at 8:48 pm

I am not worried as Lindsey will attend pre-election party on Monday and not regain consciousness til Wednesday…

viennawoods13 October 12, 2012 at 9:50 pm

OT but sounded last night like Jon Stewart has been reading Wonkette- he was featuring wingnuts on parade, including (of course), Todd Akin, Allan West, Hubbard, Joe Walsh and the Tammy Duckworth dress shopping scandal, and that wall of dead deer guy. So many old favorites!

Chet Kincaid_ October 13, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Oh of course he does! Or his writers. Rachel is also a self-declared reader.

mosjef October 12, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Would Dennis Miller make the list? Or is he on the Failed Comedian Fascist Loudmouth Fox Celebretard roster now? The really smarmy thing about this stain is that he still thinks he has some kind of wit to add to the political discourse. Have a stroke you fuck.

Aquarianne17 October 12, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Not to worry about Ms. Lohan.Polls are only open in daylight hours. She never goes out during sunlight.

decentcitizen October 12, 2012 at 11:39 pm

What? Who?

tessiee October 13, 2012 at 12:25 am

"Homer: We're rubbing elbows with the greats. Look there's Ross Perot. Dr Laura. Spike Lee.
Bart: Wait, they aren't so great.
Homer: Well, yeah, but there's Dan Quayle and Courtney Love. Tonya Harding? Al Sharpton?! Aaah! Tom Arnold! What the hell is going on?!"

– Simpsons, Treehouse of Horror X

weejee October 13, 2012 at 10:24 am

Do you think Barry will bring a Tonya Tapper with him to the next debate?

Negropolis October 13, 2012 at 12:43 am

Well, Lindsay is trash from Long Island*, so this really shouldn't surprise anyone.

*I apologize if any of you are from suburban Phoenix of New York.

Negropolis October 13, 2012 at 12:48 am

Shorter Stacey Dash (whoever the hell that really is): Look at me! LOOK. AT. MEEEEEE!

Negropolis October 13, 2012 at 1:37 am

On a kind of serious note related to this, it seems that the only thing "cooler", among some of the left and those that lean that way, than voting for the first black president is to abandon the first black president. It's really something that only ever seems to happen on the left. When conservatives are pissed at their people, they either hold their noses and vote or don't vote at all, but rarely have they eve knowingly self-sabotaged, that is, until the rise of the tea party.

I don't get it, I really don't. The first place we saw this was in the Congress in 2010 when some Dems ran so far to the right they were literally running against the president in their political ads. And, they got rewarded by losing horribly, thank god. Now, it seems to have seeped into the general culture, where the minute the president is down his so-called supporters flee and twist the knife. There is a difference between a simple critique and the kind of disloyalty we're seeing. There is some strange and non-sensical measurement the electorate judge this president by.

gullywompr October 13, 2012 at 2:00 am

Well you know, us liberals, being the party of goodness and light, hold our politicians to a higher standard. In other words, we're whiners.

Still, I see nothing to merit throwing the President under the bus. It's not like he tweeted dick pics or anything. The man's got my vote (but I suspect you already knew that).

Negropolis October 13, 2012 at 2:14 am

Like I said, I'm not really criticizing Dems in general, but more at the fringes. We seem to lose more of our voters are both ends of the fringe. The far left will actively call for the defeat of a Dem president, and the Democratic right and Dem-leaning independents seem to bolt at the drop of a dime when their president trips up, and it seems even more true this time.

I only bring this up, because I'm still hearing an unreasonable gnashing of teeth at Obama's debate performance a full week ago. I mean, I complained when it happened, but some of these concern trolls are starting to demoralize the mainstream left. I'm hearing plenty of Dems going around telling peope that we lost the election Thursday, whereas Romney put his foot in his mouth more times and more deeply and damning, and the GOP kept dragging him along even when he seemed as if he didn't want to win the thing. Obama has a single lackluster performance, and suddenly the election is over and we're calling the time of the Obama campaign's electoral death.

gullywompr October 13, 2012 at 11:04 am

Yes but…. Defeatism begets defeatism.

I love you man, but it's possible that you too are caught up in the narrative that's dragging down the (temporary) poll numbers. Just like there's no reason to throw the prez under the bus, we need to be careful about throwing the party under the bus also too. We all gotta stop this hand wringing over the numbers – this election has been in the bag since the GOP came out with the clown car of candidates before the debates. The war on women reinforced the win, and so has the steadily improving economy, and BTW, Bin Laden is dead and Detroit is alive.

Smile, and the people around you will smile too. That's liberalism.

mille derps October 13, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Thank you!

I fully understand why Rethugs are excited by Mitt's manic performance (& Obama's subdued performance) last week, but why are intelligent Dems all in a kerfuffle over a sub-par week?

It is possible to take that Zen 'living in the moment' stuff too far.

ElPinche October 13, 2012 at 2:11 am

Yup, this is why we can't have nice things. It's frustrating as hell.

bloggingbalkanistan October 13, 2012 at 3:33 am

This is what is killing me right now. I really, honestly don't get it.

bobbert October 13, 2012 at 5:09 am

Some of us older assholes understand that "party politics" is actually the political system that the Framers left us, whether they intended to or not. As long as we continue to play by the rules they left, PARTIES are the the things that drive progress (or regress).

One consequence of this is that remarkable individual politicians can influence the course of history, but only by influencing the trend of their parties. Another consequence is that there are people who do not subscribe to the idea that parties are the blood-line of politics, and they will attach themselves to candidates based on, I don't know, polls, or random pundits. And, in the main, I imagine they think themselves quite clever to avoid the taint of "party politics".

They are totally wrong, of course. With our current electoral system (which can be changed only by profound majorities, either at the state or Federal level), parties matter more than anything. But, some of the folks bailing out on the President are former bandwagon-jumpers who are now jumping off. These people are, in the long run, noise.

Unfortunately, in the short run, they can have a major effect. (See: Reagan).

Our challenge is to re-assert the fact that there is a fucking difference between the parties, irrespective of the fact that the Democrats may not be exactly what we would like in unicorn world.

I am a Democrat. I have voted straight D since I could, which was 5 November 1968 (I lost). I happily voted for Bill Clinton (sorry prommie), because he provided a way for the Democrats to regain the Presidency, and the control of SCOTUS nominations. Similarly, I happily voted for Al Gore, John Kerry, and Barack Obama, although in all these cases it was kind of irrelevant, since I live in California. I will again vote for Barack Obama, not because he is half-black, or because he is half-unicorn, or even because I detest Mitt Romney (although I do detest Mitt Romney); but because he is the Demoncrat (sic) candidate.

I must admit that my worldview even extends to supporting shithead blue-doggie Democrats in districts where blue-doggieness is unavoidable. It's always a choice. Sometimes the choice is between dickhead and intergalactic shit-for-brains.

Whoops. I'm wandering.

There is nothing inscrutable in the flight of alleged supporters from the Prez. Some of them are bandwagon-jumpers, and some of them have been waiting for four years to find a good reason to vote against the (inconveniently Democratic) nigger.

It's pretty obvious: NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER.

Sorry. I'm drunk, and very intolerant of people that claim to be Democrats, but aren't.

Chet Kincaid_ October 13, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Really? I find it hard to believe that anyone who really thinks "nigger nigger nigger" actually voted for him in 2008.

bloggingbalkanistan October 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Agreed. But I do think that at least some of the soft-support (sounds like a Jenna Jameson movie ; ) that said that they moved over to Romney on the basis one debate is holding Obama to a much higher standard than they would a white poltician.

tessiee October 13, 2012 at 12:32 pm

I agree with your entire comment, except the part where you called me an asshole.

BlueStateLibel October 13, 2012 at 9:28 am

As of now, the only Dem left with a spine is VP Uncle Joe Biden.

finallyhappy October 13, 2012 at 6:16 pm

haha, someone today on FB told me Joe BIden was an ass and so was I for supporting him, also that Joe is against women because he is pro-choice and then quoted some insulting NT bible shit at me. I am so voting for RMoney now- because these remarks and the Bible made me see the error of my ways.

shawnthesheep October 13, 2012 at 9:41 am

I think that's where the subtle racism comes in, holding the first black Pres to a higher standard. It's like people are just waiting for him to make a mistake so they can say, "I knew there was a reason I didn't fully trust that guy." I mean, it's nuts. Andrew Sullivan lost his mind (more than usual) for over a week, calling Obama "lazy" and saying he needed to "turn off sportscenter." I mean, does anyone really think that Obama got to where he is without working his ass off? Seriously? I know Ann Coulter thinks that the Negroes have had it easy in her lifetime, what with all the affirmative action and all of the extra police officers who are nice enough to guard their neighborhoods and stop them on the street to make sure there's nobody bothering them.

tessiee October 13, 2012 at 12:36 pm

"I think that's where the subtle racism comes in, holding the first black Pres to a higher standard. It's like people are just waiting for him to make a mistake so they can say, "I knew there was a reason I didn't fully trust that guy." "

Oh, no; now you made me think of the commentator who thought "Jurassic Park" was racist!
Other guy: What do you mean, racist? Samuel L. Jackson ran the whole thing!
Commentator: Yeah, and 20 minutes into the movie, it all went to hell in a handbasket. If anybody lived through it, what do you think they'd say? "Gee, Honey, I guess The Black Guy was a little bit in over his head".

Come to think of it, that's actually not a bad metaphor.

PugglesRule October 13, 2012 at 2:29 pm

1) Your handle is totally awesome. Wallace & Gromit approve :D

2) Those who think Obama is some kind of messiah really need to talk to Michelle about that. I just read a good biography of her (only to 2008) and the author quotes her several times as saying stuff like "He's a good man, someone who could make things a lot better, but he's really only a man."

DemmeFatale October 13, 2012 at 11:26 am

Not to worry, pal.
I think we have this in the bag.
All the hand-wringing and navel-gazing will bring out the vote.
Look at the down ticket stuff. People are doing well.
Unlike the hatred on the right, the subtle racism (thanks shawn) of the left can be over-ridden, because the left can do the right thing (even when it hurts).
Besides, we have Sunny Joe!!

OT
Baseball, (of course)!
Well, it's our super-stars against your super-stars!
(I'll bet we win in the "douche-bags wearing suits to the park" category.)

Sassomatic October 13, 2012 at 1:41 am

Employment? Fuck you Linday Lohan. I'm sitting right here on my fat black ass* collecting food stamps to buy my next Cadillac.

*my ass is neither fat nor black in reality, only metaphorically.

snowpointsecret October 13, 2012 at 7:17 am

So this is basically a who's who of "who?"

Steverino247 October 13, 2012 at 10:24 am

It does not surprise me that five people who will say or do anything to get ahead would endorse Mitt Romney.

PugglesRule October 13, 2012 at 2:29 pm

They do seem to have that in common with Mittens.

Blueb4sinrise October 13, 2012 at 11:59 am
Lot_49 October 13, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Pardon me if Colbert's joke already appeared here, but Jenna Jameson is definitely a job creator.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Thanks! That is my dog. She's a good girl but she farts a lot.

lloydstool October 13, 2012 at 12:59 pm

What, no Randy Quaid? No Ralph Macchio?

fitley October 13, 2012 at 6:55 pm

What other STD poster girls endorse Mitt?

ChickTract_Fil_A October 13, 2012 at 8:25 pm

"I'm Lindsay Lohan and I approve this public urination!"

ttommyunger October 13, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Well that settles it, I'm voting Republican.

Ms. Toni October 14, 2012 at 4:30 pm

They all have issues. Thank goodness Shyne can't vote and Lindsay isn't registered. Hopefully Stacy Dash's clueless-ness will offer us her voteing for the wrong candidate on the ballot.

Halloween Jack October 15, 2012 at 11:09 am

Things that LiLo supports: drugs, Mitt Romney, other people picking up her hotel bills (whether they agreed to or not), more drugs.

Things that LiLo does not support: sobriety, safe driving, wearing knickers, keeping out of people's jewelry boxes.

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 4:32 pm

GREYS LIBEL!

actor212 October 13, 2012 at 6:42 am

Sure, but it'll cost you a $5 for each sample.

Pithaughn October 13, 2012 at 11:57 am

Good. Now make her watch Dr. Strangelove.

gullywompr October 13, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Your mention of Zen brought to mind some things. I think it is less about living in the moment, and more about perceiving reality as it really is. The koans try to confuse you with all sort of navel gazing to wonder if a mountain is really a mountain or not (stuff like "there is no mountain"), but in the enlightened state, we see the mountain for what it really is – a mountain.

We can navel-gaze the polls of a few days, and marvel at the right''s cheering of a few uppercuts to the jaw, and join the despondence of the left over having a round in the ring where our guy took a few hits, but champions are not made in the ring.

Obama is the real deal, the entire GOP are a bunch of ludicrous, lying clowns. There's not enough racism, fundamentalism, or simply stupidity left in this country to change that. He is going to win, it's as plain as the nose on your face.

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