your rapper has just the right shyne

The Washington Free Beacon lists the five most amazingly Romney-endorsing “celebrities” of the 2012 cycle, and let me tell you, guys, these people are all somehow still alive, probably.

1. Lindsay Lohan

The “Mean Girls” star and all-around party girl recently announced that she was voting for Romney. “I just think employment is really important now,” Lohan said to noted news network E!. “So, as of now, Mitt Romney. As of now.”

As of now, she says. When the DTs hit, she’ll gladly vote for whoever runs to the nearest liquor store, but that’s a separate issue.

It is not clear why a Republican would trumpet the endorsement of Lindsay Lohan, who was pretty much in Mean Girls, then Samantha Ronson’s pants, then a pile of cocaine so large Tony Montana simply Biden-grins at it. Anyway, congrats to Mitt Romney. For now.

2. Buzz Bissinger

Buzz Bissinger is the writer of Friday Night Lights (the book, not the movie or TV show that people actually saw), and also a fucking crazy man on Twitter. He endorsed Mittens because Obama had a bad debate, and thinks that Romney will basically do everything Buzz Bissinger ever dreamed of. He is the only actual even remotely famous person on this list.

3. Stacey Dash

We are going to do a Wonkette magic trick. Name the last Stacey Dash movie you saw.

…It was Clueless. It doesn’t matter if you named another movie, and if you did, you are either lying or paid to watch Cinemax.

Stacey is also black, which is shocking because the only black people who have endorsed Mitt Romney to this point are either elected Republicans, Republican party officials, paid staff members or…no, wait, those are quite literally the only black people who have endorsed him. Congrats on being a party of one, Stacey.

4. Jenna Jameson

The only reason JJ is surprising is because porn stars usually like to be deeply involved with third parties.

5. Shyne

Shyne is a Belizean rapper who was involved in a 1999 club shooting with Puff Daddy, deported in 2009, and cannot return to the United States. As the Free Beacon states:

It is unclear if Shyne can legally vote in the United States.

Although if American rapping negroes without ID can, we see no reason why an upstanding noncitizen ex-felon cannot. Or let James O’Keefe do it for him.

In summary: Romney has been endorsed by an addict who can’t stay out of prison, an angry white guy, a pretty black lady who was famous twenty years ago, a porn star, and a noncitizen felon. Other than the angry white guy, this sounds like every Romney event we’ve ever been to.

[Washington Free Beacon]

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  • snowpointsecret

    Jenna Jameson at least makes sense because both she and Mitt Romney know so many positions.

  • Not_So_Much

    Wasn't LiLo's last role as a beauty pageant contestant from South Carolina?

  • mavenmaven

    Don't forget the biggest celeb of all, TED NUGENT!

    • Mittaplasia

      The Bambi-killing poopie pants fits perfectly into the list; good call!

    • And Kid Rock!

    • Callyson

      I have Clint Eastwood and Chuck Norris on separate lines: both of them would like a word…

    • Dave Mustaine, also!

    • EV'body forgot Chuck Norris.

      • Yellerdawg

        Nobody forgets Chuck Norris. He just camo's up and hides in your subconcious until you're vulnerable.

        • I wish I *could* forget Chuck Norris. His hair looks like the thang that crawled up on Trump's head and done died has a summer home on his head.

          • bobbert

            Chuck who?

  • finallyhappy

    Stacy Dash is getting a lot of publicity over this- as her career was largely dead- this can only help. if it gets her on a reality show – because somehow in America today being infamous/talentless/a hasbeen can make you big money

    • Mittaplasia

      In America, you can be trending on the internets if enough people say, "Who the hell is THAT?"

    • Talentless? Did you not see Nora's Hair Salon 2: A Cut Above?

      • emmelemm

        Or the black airplane movie? (Soul Plane?)

        ETA: What? Why did I think she was in that? Maybe I was thinking of the Gwenyth Paltrow stewardess movie.

    • You just know she's hoping for a gig on "Dancing With the Stars," but I don't think she's big enough for that.

      • Oh geez. Are you implying we can look forward to Chris Chrispy tripping the light fantastic?

    • shelwood46

      W. Kamau Bell did a great bit explaining this last night. It's because if she'd endorsed Obama, she'd be Black Celebrity Obama Supporter #1753 or some such, but now she is Black Celebrity Romney Supporter #1 with a bullet.

    • zumpie

      Honestly, I'll just say it. I think Stacey Dash wrote all those hate letters to herself for the attention. And she stole the idea from an episode of "The LA Complex"

  • BadKitty904

    Mitt Romney – Now Endorsed by LIVE Human Beings!

    • WhatTheHeck

      What! Are you saying Trailer Trash people are zombies?

    • That's giving Lohan an awful lot of credit.

      • Esteev

        She was alive the last time I saw her, I swear.

        • Negropolis

          And, officer, that pound of coke on the dashboard is not mine, swear to god.

    • PugglesRule

      And Daleks.

      • BadKitty904

        And Reptilians…

        • Toomush_Infer

          Lizard People are for Romney????? WTF???? When did they switch from Al Franken????….Oh, Nooooooo…..

          • BadKitty904

            Shape-shifting reptilian humanoids from Alpha Draconis are people, too, my friend.

          • GREYS LIBEL!

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      * Warning: Mitt Romney is still not an actual human being. Just endorsed by a troubled few.

  • no_gravity

    Lindsey Lohan – The face of the Young Republicans.

    • BadKitty904

      Smells like teen spurt…

    • Really? I see her more as the "back of the head of Young Republicans"

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      meth face.

    • HistoriCat

      She would still be an improvement over any of the "Young Guns".

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    The fact that Lindsey Lohan can't get a job is the most unforgivable thing about the obama administration.

    • Alcohol, cocaine, car wrecks, and random sex is her full time job, not sure what she's complaining about.

    • tessiee

      I bet Herman Cain woulda given her a job.

      • Negropolis

        You are on fire.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Says a girl who is chronically unemployable. . .she and Sarah should hook up for the fitness book also.

  • I'm embarrassed that I do remember Samantha Ronson's name.
    And Jesse: how could you forget Lindsay's cameo in Machete?
    SurelyMitt will lock up the nun habit fetish vote with this endorsement, at least.

    • sudsmckenzie

      As far as the "nun habit fetish vote" goes, he still has some work to do.

  • keepwalkin

    As of now, Lindsey Lohan is dead to me.

    “I just think employment is really important now,” Lohan said to noted news network E!. “So, as of now, Mitt Romney. As of now.”

    • mrpuma2u

      I think a Lohan endorsement will actually work against Willard and Junior.

    • SexySmurf

      Wait two weeks and she'll just be dead.

      • BadKitty904

        How will anyone tell?

    • PsycWench

      Sounds like she's pretty committed. or should be.

    • Well, clearly Lohan saw the uproar Stacy Dash created and figured she needed some of that for herself.

      What she seems to have missed is, well, Dash is sorta black and a lot of the furor aimed at her was all about forgetting where she came from…you know, black woman and all that?…the difference being no one cares where Lohan came from because she's a rich white chick and so what the fuck could she possibly know about it all?

      So play her a sad trombone. FAIL

    • kingofmeh

      is she concerned about employment because she understands she might have to get a real job soon?

      • Esteev

        Well then shouldn't she vote for Obama? She's going need job training.On top of rehab.

        • Drug addiction is a pre-existing condition, to be sure

      • Lascauxcaveman

        It's pretty clear she doesn't understand much of anything.

      • shelwood46

        Perhaps she hopes to play Egg in an upcoming Lifetime Movie. They look about the same age.

    • kittensdontlie

      There goes the felon vote, swinging over to Romney.

      • ChapterUndVerse

        Does that count as voter fraud libel? Inquiring minds want to know.

    • Me too. I used to (sorta) have a motherly concern for her.
      Kind of in a "poor thing, talented and stuck with idiot parents, doesn't anybody care about her" way.
      Not anymore.

      • Oh, I'm sure it's occurred to more than one man that it might be…interesting…to be a father-figure to her.

        In a priest-sexy nun sort of way.

        What? I can't be the only one who thought that!?!

        • Yellerdawg

          No, no, no. Getting mixed up with that much crazy is something you only do once, but you remember for the rest of your life. Sort of like a motorcycle wreck.

        • bobbert

          Um, no.

          But then time rolled on, and, you know, what the fuck? Even in fantasy, I don't want to see my dick in a wringer.

    • Negropolis


  • BadKitty904

    Speaking of loving creamy chocolate, has Rick Santorum seen the cover of this issue of XXL?

  • elviouslyqueer

    I will need a couple gallons of bleach to wash out the mental image of somebody licking caviar from between Buzz Bissinger's toes in Cannes.

    Wait. Has anybody seen Dick Morris lately?

    • Tommmcatt_Again

      You need a spanking, young man!

  • SexySmurf

    I just think employment is really important now

    Sorry Lindsay, but your failure to find work the last four years has less to do with Obama's ability to handle the economy and more to do with your inability to handle Grey Goose.

    Allegedly. With votes.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Yes plus can you ever have a dumber reason to vote Republican? I know Lohan is barely conscious but she was semi-sober during the Bush years. Uh hey Lindsey…put the bottle down for a moment there muffin. Remember George Bush? Mitt Romney's "employment" policy is the same minus the Texan accent and Jesusy rhetoric. That's right dumpling, exactly the same. Now do you feel stupid or what? Also, if you want to start working again you might need to go to AA and lock yourself away for a year or just do porn…you're at that point.

    • Negropolis


  • dcjdjay

    Stacy Dash will now get a job in a Kirk Cameron production, and show up as "Black person 2 in Car/Shop/Mall" in the credits.

    • BadKitty904

      Or as Mary Magdalen in "Crucifixion – The Musical".

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      True…although appearing in a Kirk Cameron production is the same as being unemployed because the budget is so low because who the fuck wants to watch a Kirk Cameron project? Oh yeah, Ray Comfort does while very slowly stroking a banana…

  • noodlesalad

    Dear Wonket, there a lot of other stars not on this list. Goldman Sachs, Blackstone Group, Credit Suisse, etc. etc. Corporations are celebrities too, my friend!

    • Esteev


      • Serolf_Divad


  • Stacy Dash is older than me, but she's still looks way younger than Lohan or Jameson.

    I'd tap that even if she wants to vote for Romboto.

    • Barrelhse

      Maybe you could flip her vote while you're in there.

  • punkneverdies

    nah i saw a stasy dash flick with lil kim where they were in some bad ass bandit band in the old west

    • BadKitty904

      Great gawdamighty…

    • punkneverdies
      • BadKitty904

        Dang, dude – 2003?

  • rmjagg

    lindsay lohan was under pressure from pat sajak …

    • emmelemm

      I get really annoyed with my mom for watching Wheel of Fortune since I found out Sajak is a Republican.

      • Alex Trebek, too. I'm sure they're both in the 1%, so I guess it makes sense. If they actually had the ability to empathize with others they might have been actors instead of game show hosts.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          They get to gloat over losers on every show. Of course they are republican.

      • tessiee

        "Sajak is a Republican"

        He's not just "a" Republican, he's Dan Quayle.

      • Negropolis

        That Sajak is a Republican concerns me less than the fact that he's apparently crazy, rabid conservative. Yes, yes, there are still some middle-of-the-road Republicans left in hollywood.

  • punkneverdies

    by the way don't let buzz's personality make you think that Friday Night Lights book isn't a gripping piece of journalism. He seems to have created something bigger and better than his own cretinous self.

    • CrankyLttlCamperette

      I like Bissinger's work. A Prayer for the City is one of the best books written about Philly that I have ever read. I was a little surprised at how publically and vehemently he went off the rails, especially considering how much he hates blogs…

      • punkneverdies

        I'm just waiting for Michael Lewis to lose his fucking mind as well.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Did Lohan remember to register to vote?

    No. She did not.

    • Geminisunmars

      Shhhhh…don't tell her. Let it be a surprise when she goes to the ballot box.

      • she'll end up in jail again prolly.

    • Mittaplasia

      It might be a moot point per Dead Pool ratings…the election is weeks away, ferchrissakes!

    • kittensdontlie

      She will just buy someone's vote,…it's only a small felony.

    • Esteev

      Does she even have a licence?

    • Negropolis

      But, she's white with an American name, so her voter fraud is competely acceptable.

  • YouBetcha

    I'm no longer on the fence. Thank you , Wonkette, for notifying me of the important Lohan Endorsement. Now I have to go to the mailbox and fish out my absentee ballot before the mail carrier arrives so I can change my vote from Jill Stein to Mitt Romney.

  • coolhandnuke

    Ed McMahon: Lohan, Dash, Bissinger, Jameson and Shyne.
    Karnac: What is a rash, a Dash, a hash, a gash and an ass.

    • BadKitty904


    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      that was fucking tremendous.

    • Mittaplasia

      Ed McMahon to Nuke in a loud booming voice: You are correct, sir!

    • snowpointsecret

      Can we have a comment of the day and feature this? It's just so beautiful, I want to frame it on my wall.

      • mrpuma2u

        seconded. Hooray for a Karnac reference!

    • rickmaci

      A: "Over 105."

      Q. "Under the Romney/Ryan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?"

    • coolhandnuke

      Or: What is just slapher, a snapper, a crapper, a fapper and a rapper.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      That was pretty awesome

  • littlebigdaddy

    And I thought Jenna Jameson quit doing anal years ago!

    • rickmaci

      Maybe. But it seems she still has a thing for assholes.

    • Esteev

      But she'll still do anything for money!

      • Serolf_Divad

        Two girls, one Mitt.

  • Linsey Lohan's endorsement might be influential with her AARP peers. Wait, she's how old? Holy shit.

  • Tundra Grifter

    And let's see what J.C. Watts' father had to say about Republicans and the Republican Party please. … "A Black man voting for the Republicans makes about as much sense as a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders."

    ~ James Carville

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Yes, like nearly every black person who votes Republicans I really cannot understand it. Seriously, what's the fucking appeal? Don't those "take my bags and put them in the room" jokes ever get old on retreats? How about hearing how the NAACP and pretty much every pro-black community organization is more racist than the KKK while also hearing how the KKK was mostly about morality. I mean JC, how the fuck do you make it through a single event with these people without clocking one for being condescending and telling you for the millionth time how you're less intelligent than a wooden piece of white cardboard who reads talking points? I know why Herman Caine does it…to get the best hooker tips. But seriously, come on….

  • However, as I posted over in Wonkville, Luke Skywalker endorsed Obama

    • Aw Uncle Biden!!

    • BadKitty904

      The Force is strong with that one…

    • gullywompr

      These are not the endorsements I'm looking for.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Yes hey give Hamill credit…sure he didn't age well and most people only know him as Luke Skywalker but he does a pretty fucking awesome Joker voice. I was midly surprised to find out he's the voice of the Joker in those rocksteady Batman games (which are amazing to put it mildly) and the guy gets steady work as a voice actor. Which is a lot more than I can say for any of these Romney supporters here. By the way, I actually heard alan colmes interview Victoria Jackson…she's as dumb as she is crazy. My favorite was her proof that Obama is Satan which of course, she could not produce…but it's there! Jerome Corsi showed it to her!

      • tessiee

        "My favorite was her proof that Obama is Satan which of course, she could not produce"

        I read this as: "Obama is Satan, which of course, she could not pronounce".

      • In fairness to Hamill, just after Star Wars was released, he had a major car accident that disfigured his face and required massive reconstructive surgery. This is why Empire opens with the scenes on the tauntaun, so they could explain why his face so radically changed between movies.

    • Negropolis

      I'd have thought Luke was a Republican, fighting an Evil Empire and all.

  • JustPixelz

    Living people are people, my friend.

    Jenna Jameson is the perfect Romney supporter. She used swallowing whoppers.

    Lindsay Lohan seems about right. Her break was in Parent Trap playing twins who were opposites.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      True and being a long lived porn star Jenna Jameson knows firsthand what being fucked daily and intimately well what a Cleveland steamer feels like. So now by endorsing the Mittbot she has decided to make us all feel it…sort of like when Paul Ryan gave himself his first hard on while looking at himself and hasn't been able to stay out of the camera since then.

  • vodkamuppet

    Damn, Victoria Jackson still can't get recognized. Or Blair from Facts of Life whose name I still can't remember even though she's on a show I guiltily watch every week.

    • PsycWench

      Well, this was a list of celebrities. Nothing to celebrate there.

  • Could there be a more ironically titled Lindsay Lohan movie than Herbie Fully Loaded?

    • Y'know, I hadn't thought of that…

    • Esteev

      The Parent Trap

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I liked that movie; watched it with my kids. But for teh first 20 minutes or so, I just assumed 'Herbie' was the name of her brassiere.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      my roommate also had a cute name for his bong

  • pinkocommi

    “I just think employment is really important now,” Lohan said . . . .

    You really can't blame her because when did Lindsay Lohan last have a job?

    • rickmaci

      Like she is ever going to work again in this town.

    • Esteev

      Oh, but guys, she's trying!

  • Now all Mitt has to do is get the dead Mormon vote and he'll have this thing sealed up.

    • mookwrthwilson

      You mean Fyvush Finkel and Anne Frank??

    • bobbert

      Vote early and Mormon.

    • Negropolis

      Hell, if he wins the dead Mormon vote, he'd have enough votes to become President of Earth.

  • Grief_Lessons

    Perhaps what is surprising about these celebrity endorsements is the fact that anyone considers these people celebrities.

    • …or people.

      • Grief_Lessons

        Hey, the rich and famous are just like you and me. Except rich. And famous. Also.

  • I'm still trying to wrap my head around this whole "Buzz Bissinger" phenomenon.

    Never heard of, until this week, but suddenly his name is everywhere. He's like a Sim or something, I guess.

    Buzz = Lightyear
    Bissinger = a mash-up of Kim Bassinger or Bank Kissinger

    It's all bullshit, man, the guy's a nothingburger.

  • Speaking of Lindsay, here is a nice bit on how the war on drugz has really saved America. Say Barry, here's $1.5 trillion in budget savings.

    • In my cups, I believe Obama will at least decriminalize possession and dismantle the drug-prison cycle for marijuana in his second term, if not legalize it outright. He's kind of hinted in that direction in the past, and I don't think it was a coincidence that his "chooming" was detailed this year.

      • mrpuma2u

        I sure hope you are right. I get sick (and MJ is a great anti-nausea remedy) to my stomach when I think of our stupid ass war on drugs and private prison industry. Bongs, also.

        • I've got my eye on a vacant lot near me that I will snap up in a heartbeat the minute it becomes legal to grow.

          Think of how the real estate industry will bounce back then!

          • Esteev

            Do you need a "product" tester?

          • Sure, but it'll cost you a $5 for each sample.

  • rickmaci

    I'm all in for a threesome with the porn star and the pretty black lady.

    • Too late: Ron Jeremy's already endorsed Romney as well.

      And believe me, he don't leave sloppy seconds.

      Well, sloppy yes, Seconds, no.

      • Willardbot9000_V2.5

        Isn't Ron Jeremy like in PETA or something? I think from that terrible VH1 show that he was he is in PETA. I'll bet endorsing the guy who stuck his dog on the roof of the car for a cross country drive and who also had a vet shoot a lame horse up with enough pain killers to addle a blue whale just so he could sell it at profit (look up Super Hit and be prepared to think the Seamus incident was mild by comparison) to other dancing horse enthusiasts goes over really well with PETA people.

  • Hey, I didn't lose my job because the economy is bad. The economy is bad because I lost my job.

    * no snark — my profitable company was Bained *

    • Aw, man, that sucks. I went through that in the go-go 80s a couple of times.

    • my company wasn't bained but i still lost my job. and the economy is bad.

  • Pragmatist2

    I hope he baptizes them all – especially Lindsay.

    • rmjagg

      with his sweaty wet teabags …

  • el_donaldo

    … this sounds like every Romney event we’ve ever been to.

    Me too. In that having never been to a Romney event, I've also never spent time with a formerly famous pretty black woman or a porn star. Angry white guy, yes, I've done that. Addict freshly out of and soon to be back into prison, well, yes, check, I've known those. Felonious non-citizen? O.K., yes, probably.

    So I'm three-fifths of a celebrity Romney voter?

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      You're black?

      • el_donaldo

        Lindsay Lohan's left breast, actually. Or I wish I was.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Don't forget Kid Rock and umm…

    Oh, and Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs & Ford spokesperson. Pretty ironic he's endorsing Mittens who wanted to let the car industry go bankrupt….hope that Ford cash keeps his conscience warm at night.

    • Esteev

      And spends his days with the proles.

      • Yea. Isnt THAT ironic?

        • Esteev

          Not really. How else is he going to keep videotaping their peasantry if he doesn't have all the monies?

    • That Mike Rowe endorsement made me furious. No more Fords for me. GM all the way.

      • Chevy Volt! (well maybe in ten more years when I can pick up a used one fairly cheap)

        • That's my next car, too.But I'm also going to wait awhile.

      • Well, it's like the Most Interesting Man controversy, you can't hold the company responsible for the view of an actor paid to play an endorser. And you can't ask me and the wife to give up our time-wasting Deadliest Catch Series Recording on the DVR!!

      • shelwood46

        Rowe claimed that his appearance at that Romney rally wasn't an endorsement. He says he also asked Obama (in 2009) to let him talk about proles, but never got a response. He recently made the same request to the Romney campaign, who did give him the okay to get up and talk about… stuff that that the Romney campaign absolutely, completely does not support. Somehow, Rowe did not think that speaking at a Romney campaign event with Romney would give people the impression Rowe endorsed him.

        In other news, Mike Rowe is naive and stupid.

        • And Ford oughta be pissed at him.Didn't he talk to his business manager before he did that?What?His paper-towel wielding mother is his business manager?

  • vodkamuppet

    I'm holding out for the all important Amanda Bynes endorsement.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Does Lindsay Lohan realize that Mitt Romney is someone with whom she couldn't even have a beer?

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Or a Coke or coffee or tea or chocolate or a human moment. I guess they could talk about their amazing underwear.

      • Willardbot9000_V2.5

        Nope….your facts are out of date. I spent an unholy amount of my life living in Utah and remember when Mormons could suddenly drink Coke. No shit, the LDS church bought this distributor in Utah named Swire Coca-Cola and right on cue the LDS president had a "revelation" that consumption of Coke was suddenly okay. I taunted certain Mormon friends with that one for years. I would have taunted them over the sudden "revelation" about removing racism from their church but a good number of mormons are still VERY, VERY racist.

        • The night of the first debate, I saw a back-stage video of the Rmoney family relaxing back stage. There was a Coke can on the table in front of them. I wondered about that.

        • When I lived there ( Ogden) in the late seventies, the grocery stores had the beer in glass door coolers which were painted black so you couldn't see the sin.

    • More for her!

    • Generation[redacted]

      I think that's a condition of her parole.

      • Esteev

        Ankle bracelet breathalyzers are in for Fall.

  • Mitt Romney because unemployment. OK done with her.

  • Sounds like a reject list from "The Apprentice."

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    I'm still waiting to see who Gary Busey and Nick Nolte endorse.

    • BadKitty904

      Have Mel Gibson, Britney Spears, and Courtney Love weighed in on the issues yet?

    • vodkamuppet

      And what about Randy Quaid?

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Busey= Romney, Nolte= Obama. Nick Nolte is an old man but he's still relevant compared to the unmitigated failure on this list. Busey became appropriately considering he is completely insane a born again (and had a stroke, have you seen how fucked up he looks?) so naturally like most completely insane people he supports the GOP. I'm still waiting for the coveted Kiss endorsement though I can almost guarantee to a man and with their past as being humongously greedy easy sell outs it's Mittens.

      • Yet every time I see Bruce Springsteen in LA, Gene Simmons and his wife are in the audience. And he used to date Cher, of free helmets for the troops. He's a very conflicted man. Maybe the make-up is seeping into his brain.

        • bobbert

          I'm not sure, but I think Gene is just an asshole.

          • He wouldn't be the first Bruce fan to be one.

      • I thought he was messed from wiping out on his bike without a helmet.
        (I learn something new every day!)

    • sudsmckenzie

      I can only assume Busey will endorse the Hibiscus in his back yard.

    • tessiee

      Gary Busey is probably the only person in America who is both crazier AND whiter than Mitt, so that's a no-brainer (as is Gary).

    • Don't forget Meatloaf.

      • bobbert

        I happen to think Bat out of Hell was a really good album. After that, I don't give a shit about Meat's opinion, whatever it is.

  • ElPinche

    My google alert is set for Steve Guttenberg's endorsement.

  • paid to watch Cinemax

    I'm not proud and I think you'd at least thank me for keeping "Cinemax After Dark" on the air for all these years.

    • Esteev

      Reminds me of my formative years: all 30 of them.

  • Toomush_Infer

    I haven't heard much about Donald Trump since I fired him…

  • tessiee

    Lindsay Lohan got into an argument with the waitstaff at Carvel Ice Cream, and was pwned by Fudgy the Whale, a frozen dessert.
    that is all.

    • That was her mom, who tried to cash in on Ali's "Free Carvel For Life" gift

      • glasspusher

        I had a Carvel 8 blocks from where I grew up. Vividly remember beating my friend Tony, 8 chocolate shakes to 7, in a shake off, but I'm wondering who really lost that one. At least I didn't "lose it". Ah, the days of my youth with my rubber stomach…

        • And real metabolism….

          • glasspusher

            Rilly. It was fun while it lasted. I tell my teenage son to enjoy being immortal, it'll last him about 20 more years.

    • Whale of a tale.

  • Mittaplasia

    OT, but in other news, God, for the first time in ages, jumped in on a political topic and said, "You guys have been given free will and I won't tell you how to vote, but that Romney guy – I didn't build that!"

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Does Jon Lovitz count as a "shockingly living people?" No? I didn't think so. (Puts Lovitz in the "Putrid Deceased" category)

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    The people on this list are as useful as a tampon at Betty White's house.

    • LibertyLover

      Tampons are good for nosebleeds.

    • Esteev

      Those things are funny even when you're alone.

    • Barrelhse

      And not nearly as useful as Rose Kennedy's black dress.

  • snowpointsecret

    I'm going to be perfectly honest, I hadn't heard of more than half of the people listed there.

  • LibertyLover

    Marc Cuban endorsed Romney too..

    • Esteev

      Well, he is a douche, so there's that.

    • Barrelhse

      Guess that sews up the Latino vote.

    • Negropolis

      Yeah, but he's always been a dick. It'd have been news if he'd endorsed someone beyond his love for his own money.

    • bobbert

      Did he? Because he was saying a lot of pretty pro-O sounding shit last month.

      • LibertyLover

        He has some shit opinion piece over on Huffington Post— I know, I know… Huffpo..

  • UPDATE: Too bad Lindsay is not registered to vote.

    • Esteev

      So that's what she meant by "…for now".

    • PugglesRule

      And probably would crack up another car on the way to doing so.

  • carlgt1

    LiLo endorsing Romney immediately makes her a top GOP intellectual!


    Of course Shyne is pro-Romney; he's a Haredi Jew (and also because his bids to be pardoned by Patterson or Obama never got any traction).

    • finallyhappy

      I thought this was your weird joke until I looked him up- his dad is also the prime minister of Belize.

    • Oh and btw his flows suck.

    • I don't follow your logic. Brave avatar, btw.

  • T3rbo

    I am never going to watch a TV show or movie or listen to any music that features any of these people ever. Also, I don't like the fact that they support Romney.

    • Mittaplasia

      Is there a Guinness record for the world's smallest boycott?

      • T3rbo

        Think about the impact of this thing, if we all pledge to do this. It could be really, really, really big. Lindsay won't get that Academy Lifetime Achievement Award, Buzz won't get that Nobel Prize for Literature, Stacey Dash will NEVER get that sweet U.N. ambassadorship, Jenna Jameson won't be on Inside the Actors' Studio, that one rapper guy won't get a congressional medal of freedom for shooting at P Diddy…

        • bobbert

          I like this boycott, because it will accomplish all its goals if we just take a nap.

    • Gleem McShineys

      After reading the list, and then Googling them, I found out I've been retroactively boycotting them this whole time.

      • T3rbo

        Thanks to bit torrent, I have been stealing from Jenna Jameson for years

    • tessiee

      Followed for this comment/hairpin turn.

  • Esteev

    Does Lindsey know that this doesn't mean Romney's going to endorse checks for her?

  • Wait, since when have Mormons needed people to be living to count them as supporters?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Romney appears to have sewn up the side boob demgraphic.

  • Esteev

    I didn't know Obama smoked cigars.

  • T3rbo

    I remember seeing the "news" that Jenna Jameson was endorsing romney, and I remember thinking to myself, self, this is some kind of PSA warning against plastic surgery? Did the surgeon blow meth smoke in her mouth the whole time, or?

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      AAAAAAHHH!!! That looks worse than the Walton Coggins cameo on Sons of Anarchy this week. Feel free to google.

    • tessiee

      From that picture, I'm inferring that Jenna is endorsing Mitt because's he's planning to defund PBS, and she wants Big Bird's outfit.

  • Disassembly

    And uh, I just uh, I think, in fact, some of them around town, I saw Jon Voight, a lot uh … of people around here to town …

    • T3rbo

      was he yelling at a cloud, by any chance?

      • Disassembly

        You know, it's, uh, it's like in Liberia…or is it Libra? No, that's not… it's…well, uh, Romney, you know. But Biden, I mean geez. And, you know, and all that.

  • “So, as of now, Mitt Romney. As of now.”

    Does Wonkette get a finder's fee for locating another undecided voter for Wolf Blitzer?

  • savethispatient

    Stacey Dash is so fetch!

    • And she's 45. (I just looked her up on IMDb because I didn't know who she is.) She looks younger than Lindsay. Come to think of it, I look younger than Lindsay.

    • Negropolis

      Stop it! Fetch is never going to be a thing!

      Yeah, it was a long, boring weekend a few weeks ago. First time ever sitting through Mean Girls, and I only did it 'cause of Tina Fey.

  • Esteev

    Lindsey can't drive, but at least she's not a virgin.

  • ElPinche

    Shyne the last real "rapper" alive? Apparently XXL has gone downhill . As far as I know Talib Kweli is still alive and well.

  • rmjagg

    it's as if victoria jackson never existed … her fall from celebrity to this ' not even worth mentioning ' position is something she's been through before and has never accepted . does she have to self-immolate to be recognized now ?

    • We can only hope.

    • Steverino247

      Well, the stupid, it does burn…

  • shelwood46

    Bissinger's endorsement apparently emboldened Romney's campaign to start using the "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose" thing from Friday Night Lights. Friday Night Lights the TV show, that is, it was never in the book (or movie). So Peter Berg, the one who wrote that, has told them to STFU and go fuck themselves, and to definitely stop saying that. Hee.

    • bobbert

      Oh, that's good.

  • LibrarianX

    Has Urkel weighed in yet?

    • Barrelhse

      My Urkel looks like it might weigh in at about 2 oz. when its dry.

    • Generation[redacted]

      If Romney wins, he'll be all like, "Did I do that?"

  • MistaEko

    6. A Rod – 1%er. Subsists entirely on an alleged greatness from a vague time past. Latest man to lose his job and blame Obama.

    /C'mon McLouth, let's get some runs.

  • ChrisM2011

    I'll forgive Stacey Dash for this. She still looks haaaaawt.

  • Hey you guys, it's bird Friday! Go put on some socks, because these pictures will knock them right off!
    Today's bird is a Sora! They are not rare or anything, but they are Sneaky Petes. I'd be hard pressed to ever get this close to one again.
    This is an Adult

    This is a little kid. I got super close so it's super big!

    And this is a picture of the craziest thing I've ever seen! See if you can figure it out.

    • I've never even heard of a Sora. I learn so much on Wonkette. They're very cute, DW, and those are great photos. As for that third picture … don't show it to any Evangelicals. They'll think it's a harbinger of End Times. Come to think of it "harbinger" sounds like a bird name.

      • They are really skulky. They hide in cattails in marshes.It's hard to get a good look at one. The last picture had a happy ending because the bird got away.

    • Barrelhse

      Leda and the Frog?

      Great pics, I remember the vid. of the cranes you had up last year.

      • Yeah, that's a pretty big Bullfrog attacking the Sora. It grabbed it and pulled it under the water. The Sora eventually got away.

    • Fun Birding tip:
      Cemeteries can be super good places for birds…which is where I took these shots.
      A variety of big trees that are spaced apart so you have good light and unobstructed views. This particular cemetery has a little pond in the back with water in it!
      Nebraska still remains in a horrible drought so ponds with water in them are few and far between.

    • ElPinche

      I bet they taste like chicken.

      Just kidding! Nice pics ( I dig the Sora kid one) ! it's good to see someone is actually stopping and smelling the roses…in this case taking bird watching. werd !

      • Technically, I'm more of a Bird photographer. Yes it helps a lot to know a little about your subject, but I generally avoid, "birders" because a lot of them are really weird and obsessive and we often butt heads.

  • HarryButtle

    Jon Voight and Pat Boone an recently-not-living Andy Williams, too. Also. But they're all oldz, so, no surprise.

    • Generation[redacted]

      oldz and don't need medicare or social security.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Romney's inauguration party is gonna be off da hook, yo!

    • LibertyLover

      No alcohol, no soft drinks, no cigarettes, Rafalca the only one dancing, over by 8 pm.

  • tessiee

    So, the take-away from this is that…
    Mitt is going to send Lindsay Lohan to China?

  • for some reason mark mardell over at bbc thinks last night was a draw.


    • Generation[redacted]

      After Biden chopped off both arms and both legs, he said, "Alright, we'll call it a draw."

    • finallyhappy

      he's a Brit- he doesn't understand about us- he thinks little pieces of toast are called soldiers and calls potato chips- crisps and French fries- chips.

    • Negropolis

      A whole slew of talking heads seem to think the same. God forbid they ever say anything good about Obama-Biden, again. The media is hard-up on narratives. They change them when they want to change them, not because something has actually changed. I hate them. Right now we're stuck on "Obama is doomed! DOOMED!". Maybe before election day we'll get back to "Romney has no chance of winning this thing." But I wouldn't count on it.

  • Cheneysleftnut

    I am not worried as Lindsey will attend pre-election party on Monday and not regain consciousness til Wednesday…

  • viennawoods13

    OT but sounded last night like Jon Stewart has been reading Wonkette- he was featuring wingnuts on parade, including (of course), Todd Akin, Allan West, Hubbard, Joe Walsh and the Tammy Duckworth dress shopping scandal, and that wall of dead deer guy. So many old favorites!

    • Oh of course he does! Or his writers. Rachel is also a self-declared reader.

  • mosjef

    Would Dennis Miller make the list? Or is he on the Failed Comedian Fascist Loudmouth Fox Celebretard roster now? The really smarmy thing about this stain is that he still thinks he has some kind of wit to add to the political discourse. Have a stroke you fuck.

  • Aquarianne17

    Not to worry about Ms. Lohan.Polls are only open in daylight hours. She never goes out during sunlight.

  • decentcitizen

    What? Who?

  • tessiee

    "Homer: We're rubbing elbows with the greats. Look there's Ross Perot. Dr Laura. Spike Lee.
    Bart: Wait, they aren't so great.
    Homer: Well, yeah, but there's Dan Quayle and Courtney Love. Tonya Harding? Al Sharpton?! Aaah! Tom Arnold! What the hell is going on?!"

    — Simpsons, Treehouse of Horror X

  • Negropolis

    Well, Lindsay is trash from Long Island*, so this really shouldn't surprise anyone.

    *I apologize if any of you are from suburban Phoenix of New York.

  • Negropolis

    Shorter Stacey Dash (whoever the hell that really is): Look at me! LOOK. AT. MEEEEEE!

  • Negropolis

    On a kind of serious note related to this, it seems that the only thing "cooler", among some of the left and those that lean that way, than voting for the first black president is to abandon the first black president. It's really something that only ever seems to happen on the left. When conservatives are pissed at their people, they either hold their noses and vote or don't vote at all, but rarely have they eve knowingly self-sabotaged, that is, until the rise of the tea party.

    I don't get it, I really don't. The first place we saw this was in the Congress in 2010 when some Dems ran so far to the right they were literally running against the president in their political ads. And, they got rewarded by losing horribly, thank god. Now, it seems to have seeped into the general culture, where the minute the president is down his so-called supporters flee and twist the knife. There is a difference between a simple critique and the kind of disloyalty we're seeing. There is some strange and non-sensical measurement the electorate judge this president by.

    • gullywompr

      Well you know, us liberals, being the party of goodness and light, hold our politicians to a higher standard. In other words, we're whiners.

      Still, I see nothing to merit throwing the President under the bus. It's not like he tweeted dick pics or anything. The man's got my vote (but I suspect you already knew that).

      • Negropolis

        Like I said, I'm not really criticizing Dems in general, but more at the fringes. We seem to lose more of our voters are both ends of the fringe. The far left will actively call for the defeat of a Dem president, and the Democratic right and Dem-leaning independents seem to bolt at the drop of a dime when their president trips up, and it seems even more true this time.

        I only bring this up, because I'm still hearing an unreasonable gnashing of teeth at Obama's debate performance a full week ago. I mean, I complained when it happened, but some of these concern trolls are starting to demoralize the mainstream left. I'm hearing plenty of Dems going around telling peope that we lost the election Thursday, whereas Romney put his foot in his mouth more times and more deeply and damning, and the GOP kept dragging him along even when he seemed as if he didn't want to win the thing. Obama has a single lackluster performance, and suddenly the election is over and we're calling the time of the Obama campaign's electoral death.

        • gullywompr

          Yes but…. Defeatism begets defeatism.

          I love you man, but it's possible that you too are caught up in the narrative that's dragging down the (temporary) poll numbers. Just like there's no reason to throw the prez under the bus, we need to be careful about throwing the party under the bus also too. We all gotta stop this hand wringing over the numbers – this election has been in the bag since the GOP came out with the clown car of candidates before the debates. The war on women reinforced the win, and so has the steadily improving economy, and BTW, Bin Laden is dead and Detroit is alive.

          Smile, and the people around you will smile too. That's liberalism.

          • mille derps

            Thank you!

            I fully understand why Rethugs are excited by Mitt's manic performance (& Obama's subdued performance) last week, but why are intelligent Dems all in a kerfuffle over a sub-par week?

            It is possible to take that Zen 'living in the moment' stuff too far.

          • gullywompr

            Your mention of Zen brought to mind some things. I think it is less about living in the moment, and more about perceiving reality as it really is. The koans try to confuse you with all sort of navel gazing to wonder if a mountain is really a mountain or not (stuff like "there is no mountain"), but in the enlightened state, we see the mountain for what it really is – a mountain.

            We can navel-gaze the polls of a few days, and marvel at the right''s cheering of a few uppercuts to the jaw, and join the despondence of the left over having a round in the ring where our guy took a few hits, but champions are not made in the ring.

            Obama is the real deal, the entire GOP are a bunch of ludicrous, lying clowns. There's not enough racism, fundamentalism, or simply stupidity left in this country to change that. He is going to win, it's as plain as the nose on your face.

    • ElPinche

      Yup, this is why we can't have nice things. It's frustrating as hell.

    • bloggingbalkanistan

      This is what is killing me right now. I really, honestly don't get it.

    • bobbert

      Some of us older assholes understand that "party politics" is actually the political system that the Framers left us, whether they intended to or not. As long as we continue to play by the rules they left, PARTIES are the the things that drive progress (or regress).

      One consequence of this is that remarkable individual politicians can influence the course of history, but only by influencing the trend of their parties. Another consequence is that there are people who do not subscribe to the idea that parties are the blood-line of politics, and they will attach themselves to candidates based on, I don't know, polls, or random pundits. And, in the main, I imagine they think themselves quite clever to avoid the taint of "party politics".

      They are totally wrong, of course. With our current electoral system (which can be changed only by profound majorities, either at the state or Federal level), parties matter more than anything. But, some of the folks bailing out on the President are former bandwagon-jumpers who are now jumping off. These people are, in the long run, noise.

      Unfortunately, in the short run, they can have a major effect. (See: Reagan).

      Our challenge is to re-assert the fact that there is a fucking difference between the parties, irrespective of the fact that the Democrats may not be exactly what we would like in unicorn world.

      I am a Democrat. I have voted straight D since I could, which was 5 November 1968 (I lost). I happily voted for Bill Clinton (sorry prommie), because he provided a way for the Democrats to regain the Presidency, and the control of SCOTUS nominations. Similarly, I happily voted for Al Gore, John Kerry, and Barack Obama, although in all these cases it was kind of irrelevant, since I live in California. I will again vote for Barack Obama, not because he is half-black, or because he is half-unicorn, or even because I detest Mitt Romney (although I do detest Mitt Romney); but because he is the Demoncrat (sic) candidate.

      I must admit that my worldview even extends to supporting shithead blue-doggie Democrats in districts where blue-doggieness is unavoidable. It's always a choice. Sometimes the choice is between dickhead and intergalactic shit-for-brains.

      Whoops. I'm wandering.

      There is nothing inscrutable in the flight of alleged supporters from the Prez. Some of them are bandwagon-jumpers, and some of them have been waiting for four years to find a good reason to vote against the (inconveniently Democratic) nigger.

      It's pretty obvious: NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER.

      Sorry. I'm drunk, and very intolerant of people that claim to be Democrats, but aren't.

      • Really? I find it hard to believe that anyone who really thinks "nigger nigger nigger" actually voted for him in 2008.

        • bloggingbalkanistan

          Agreed. But I do think that at least some of the soft-support (sounds like a Jenna Jameson movie ; ) that said that they moved over to Romney on the basis one debate is holding Obama to a much higher standard than they would a white poltician.

      • tessiee

        I agree with your entire comment, except the part where you called me an asshole.

    • BlueStateLibel

      As of now, the only Dem left with a spine is VP Uncle Joe Biden.

      • finallyhappy

        haha, someone today on FB told me Joe BIden was an ass and so was I for supporting him, also that Joe is against women because he is pro-choice and then quoted some insulting NT bible shit at me. I am so voting for RMoney now- because these remarks and the Bible made me see the error of my ways.

    • shawnthesheep

      I think that's where the subtle racism comes in, holding the first black Pres to a higher standard. It's like people are just waiting for him to make a mistake so they can say, "I knew there was a reason I didn't fully trust that guy." I mean, it's nuts. Andrew Sullivan lost his mind (more than usual) for over a week, calling Obama "lazy" and saying he needed to "turn off sportscenter." I mean, does anyone really think that Obama got to where he is without working his ass off? Seriously? I know Ann Coulter thinks that the Negroes have had it easy in her lifetime, what with all the affirmative action and all of the extra police officers who are nice enough to guard their neighborhoods and stop them on the street to make sure there's nobody bothering them.

      • tessiee

        "I think that's where the subtle racism comes in, holding the first black Pres to a higher standard. It's like people are just waiting for him to make a mistake so they can say, "I knew there was a reason I didn't fully trust that guy." "

        Oh, no; now you made me think of the commentator who thought "Jurassic Park" was racist!
        Other guy: What do you mean, racist? Samuel L. Jackson ran the whole thing!
        Commentator: Yeah, and 20 minutes into the movie, it all went to hell in a handbasket. If anybody lived through it, what do you think they'd say? "Gee, Honey, I guess The Black Guy was a little bit in over his head".

        Come to think of it, that's actually not a bad metaphor.

      • PugglesRule

        1) Your handle is totally awesome. Wallace & Gromit approve :D

        2) Those who think Obama is some kind of messiah really need to talk to Michelle about that. I just read a good biography of her (only to 2008) and the author quotes her several times as saying stuff like "He's a good man, someone who could make things a lot better, but he's really only a man."

    • Not to worry, pal.
      I think we have this in the bag.
      All the hand-wringing and navel-gazing will bring out the vote.
      Look at the down ticket stuff. People are doing well.
      Unlike the hatred on the right, the subtle racism (thanks shawn) of the left can be over-ridden, because the left can do the right thing (even when it hurts).
      Besides, we have Sunny Joe!!

      Baseball, (of course)!
      Well, it's our super-stars against your super-stars!
      (I'll bet we win in the "douche-bags wearing suits to the park" category.)

  • Sassomatic

    Employment? Fuck you Linday Lohan. I'm sitting right here on my fat black ass* collecting food stamps to buy my next Cadillac.

    *my ass is neither fat nor black in reality, only metaphorically.

  • snowpointsecret

    So this is basically a who's who of "who?"

  • Steverino247

    It does not surprise me that five people who will say or do anything to get ahead would endorse Mitt Romney.

    • PugglesRule

      They do seem to have that in common with Mittens.

  • Blueb4sinrise
  • Lot_49

    Pardon me if Colbert's joke already appeared here, but Jenna Jameson is definitely a job creator.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Thanks! That is my dog. She's a good girl but she farts a lot.

  • lloydstool

    What, no Randy Quaid? No Ralph Macchio?

  • fitley

    What other STD poster girls endorse Mitt?

  • ChickTract_Fil_A

    "I'm Lindsay Lohan and I approve this public urination!"

  • ttommyunger

    Well that settles it, I'm voting Republican.

  • Ms. Toni

    They all have issues. Thank goodness Shyne can't vote and Lindsay isn't registered. Hopefully Stacy Dash's clueless-ness will offer us her voteing for the wrong candidate on the ballot.

  • Halloween Jack

    Things that LiLo supports: drugs, Mitt Romney, other people picking up her hotel bills (whether they agreed to or not), more drugs.

    Things that LiLo does not support: sobriety, safe driving, wearing knickers, keeping out of people's jewelry boxes.

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