Smegma-lipped poutmonster Rick Santorum has declared what side he is on, and it is the side of murdering tiny little babies in their mommy’s stomachs. What? you are saying, because you have been paying some attention over the years as Rick Santorum has declared himself God’s handmaiden and apostle (both!) in the fight to make sure you sluts are punished blessed with your Rape Gifts. But no, it is true! According to Rick Santorum, stopping fag marriage is more important than stopping ‘bortions. Why does Rick Santorum want to murder your unborn child?
Rick Santorum, can you give us a ride to the Abortionplex? SFGate has some “hidden video” from a fundraiser last night, but it is 35 minutes long so we are not posting it here. You can see it there, if you would like!
“The movement you are fighting is the most important movement to win,” Santorum added. He said it is even more important that the movement to block abortion in America. He warned that marriage will “disintegrate” along with the American family if same-sex marriage becomes legal.
Geighs, can you please stop disintegrating Rick Santorum’s marriage, so he can get back to the important work of personally strapping women into their stirrups for their purity exams, while tenderly explaining them to get back in the kitchen?
Thanks geighs. We knew you’d be reasonable.
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Oh Rick, I will always love you no matter what you choose to put in your anus.
I know it's hard to tell in that pic, but that's actually his mouth.
A new party game! Guess what's in Rick Santorum's anus!
Rick doesn't like the ghey marriage because no babies can be aborted from it.
Rick doesn't like gay marriage because he knows that the only thing stopping him from having some lusty anal with a strapping Midwestern farm boy is that he can't sanctify it in a ceremony. He knows that, if he could receive ritualistic approval of his carnal desires, he would be knees down, ass up, hollering for Jesus around the thick monster cone of his hard muscled Dairy Queen.
Poetry! Sheer poetry! *enthusiastic applause*
Boojum, you're wasted here at Wonkette (just like the rest of us).
If I ever run for office I will never eat in public again.
Well, certainly nothing resembling a penis.
At least publicly.
That pic doesn't show the custom head Rick had the server put on it.
I suppose you could only eat vagina-like food but that would severely limit your diet. Is this some part of the vast gay conspiracy?
Much too suggestive!
Come on Rick, show a little effort and at least cup the cone.
Damned amateurs…
In his defense, he seems to be doing the locked-on eye contact pretty well. Wonder who is on the receiving of his gaze?
Lindsay Graham?
The obscure object of his desire…
Marcus Bachmann. I hear he has a "thing" for sweater vests and self hatred.
The camera. He's obviously watched a few pornos.
Well, if they make gay marriage legal and that destroys "regular" marriage, then all future pregnancies will be illegitimate, so we can just kill the parents and foster out (or is it kill?) the unwanted babies, including the gay ones and the ones that would be on welfare. So, all the problems will be solved. Do I have that right?
Except you were a little light on the stoning (my favorite!) part….
Then just cut taxes for the rich babies, and voila: utopia.
That picture is more revolting than the one of the massive porkbeast blowing chunks the other day. Yikes.
Although I suppose Rick could also be considered a porkbeast, just not the same kind.
Eh, at least this one has ice cream, unlike yesterday's eye scream.
Gingrich's marriages have disintegrated three times. Limbaugh's, four or five. It will be thousands more a piece if gays have their way.
Well to be fair, one of Newt's marriages collapsed because he loved America too much. The ghey's are definitely to blame for the other two though.
The movement you are fighting is the most important movement to win
Like a bowel's issue, trapped in time — Rick's message is trapped between object and objective.
Try "fight for" the same movement you're trying to win, creamcup!
Which explains his coprophageous grin.
This is why they don't let him write legislation anymore.
Had a movement this morning. Woe betide us if it had any effect on anyone's marriage.
Well, we have to blame SOMETHING for 50% of all marriages going kaput.
Poor Ricky, it must be hell to be alive in the 21st century as opposed to when it was okay to club your woman over the head & drag her into the cave by her hair.
Its all the fault of antibiotics. Were the average lifespan of the population back down to 30, then there wouldn't be divorce, women would die in childbirth, husbands wouldn't survive them for too long, and society would be just as Santorum would like it.
Hang on….*calculating*….so I could be on my fourth wife by now?
BAN CIPRO!
Good times, good times.
he also now calls ice cream "Friess Cream."
Except chocolate ice cream, still called "Santorum" in deference….
It's Friday, I'm sick, it's been a long week and I have no power to snark… I can only offer up a hearty "fuck you, ricky" before diving back into my herbal tea.
Aw, poor puddin'. Hope you get to feeling better… :0)
In Santorum’s words, “a secular revolution, a Godless revolution” has swept across every Western European country, which he said “is why they are declining.”
And meanwhile, China is on the rise because…um, er, well…
on the rise fiscally, just like we were back in the fifties and sixties. Meanwhile, our hearts became empty and our souls were hollowed out.
The Inquisition wasn't so bad was it? True patriot that Ricky is, he knows it's not enough to be just intolerant, you need to teach those non-believers what's what.
Yes, teach them with whips and hot irons to their nether regions. The secularists are infringing on his freedom to torture people who disagree with him. That's just not right.
So having to listen to this putz ISN'T torture?
I always suspected Rick like to put thick, brown things in his mouth.
I assumed it was coming out of his mouth after entering who knows where.
Rick must be pretty damned sure his marriage would disintegrate if gay marriage were to become an option. Can we ask him why?
because he loves that cone more than his wife?
*He* certainly seems to feel threatened by it…
No, only PPP can ask him. But it will be in their next Minnesota poll.
I hate him so, so much.
So very much.
I'd say my marriage was flagging because I was a simpering crybaby that let my wife make our decisions for ten goddamn years without asking for my input at all, and denying any interest in my ideas or suggestions throughout the same time.
And I realize correlation does not imply causation, but to be fair, during that same stretch of time, I never sucked another man off.
Waitaminnit-you were married to my ex?
Oh, fuck Rick Santorum. And by that I mean not even if he was the last power bottom on earth and I had just ingested four year's worth of Viagra.
Oooh, where's the
nolove?HAWT!
I hate to be stupid, but what's a power bottom?
Ask, and you shall receive. (and fuck you too, Urban Dictionary)
Wait, what?
It's a person who likes to be the receptive partner with regards to doing it in the butt, has an insatiable sexual appetite and apparent lack of pain receptors. They can be quite intimidating.
Talk to your doctor. Maybe he's into that kind of thing.
Another meaning for power bottom. 5-to-1 Rick's got one.
That pic is horrifying. Why does his expression say "I just got caught doing something naughty?"
Because he doesn't generally boast in public about his lack of a gag reflex?
Question: After Rick's marriage disintegrates from gay freedom, how should he remake himself to find the man of his dreams?
Step 1 should be a personality transplant.
More food-based "performances" I would guess.
Fewer sweater vests.
Enjoy that wafflecone, Creamcup.
I didn't know that stuff could freeze.
It took three reads to get this.
Well done….well done.
Damn it, just as soon as my spellchecker remembered "ghey", they go and change the spelling again…
Huh. This guy.
So what are the chances that anyone is actually going to listen to Rick Santorum, this time?
Her?
Considering they've managed to muddle along for at least the 5,000 or so years of recorded human history, I'm surprised to hear that marriage and the family are so very fragile.
Is that chocolate cream, Creamcup?
Is that "Sanrorum" emblem on his shirt really necessary? I mean LOOK AT HIM and what does he ooze? That's right: sperm-feces.
Oh come on, give the guy a break! Think of how many of those shits he had left over when he folded like a bad card table. He's being environmentally conscious and not adding polyester to a landfill!
Why can't Santorum obsess about something more important like his lack of armpit hair or what kind of saddle Jesus used to ride a Brontosaurus?
Oh, he does…he does….
He thinks about the saddle he'd like strapped to his ass while he is ridden like a Brahma bull. I'm serious, this one is suppressing his desire to "come to Jesus" more than Ted Haggard times Marcus Bachman.
Oh, I think we all know why Ricky obsesses about the geigh guys.
That's the way He likes 'em. Long, black, thick and frosty.
He's an Obama supporter, then?
We all have to root for someone.
ISWYDT
I had an important movement right after my coffee.
Rick, don't try to fool me into thinking you've clued in as to why retro-reversing an unwanted marriage is as much if not more complicated than proto-aborting an unwanted pregnancy.
When you figure out that each is a right, not a 'privilege'; for many, not the few — i.e. the chance to start over** — let Newt Gingrich know, please before he aborts another of his divinely conceived trophy marriages.
** ETA: "Starting Over" is a hallmark theme of your religious ilk. Yet no one makes doing this more complicated than those in that very same, Christ-pimping camp.
…and the opinions of the faithful within that camp are all over the goddamn place as to whether they should remarry, remain a spinster, or find a different camp to congregate in.
The nice thing about having the conservatards go all in on the gay marriage issue is that this one is the one they are clearly losing.
Lemmings.
These repubs are obviously very repressed homosexuals. Only someone who is deeply repressed would think that legitimating homosexual relationships would make everyone run and become gay. Me, I'd be happy to live around gay couples and would not feel any less attracted to women.
What's always struck me as peculiar is I don't think I've ever met a homo who feels threatened by heterosexual marriage. Most of us are delighted when y'all get married to someone you love and want to spend your life with.
We just expect the right to do the same thing ourselves, is all.
I bet Marcus feels plenty threatened :)
Hey Rick — married gay couples almost never have abortions — just sayin'.
Needz moar sweater-vest.
It's at the cleaners, seems he dribbled some other brown frothy substance on it.
Must have been ice cream, also.
I understand he's speaking to a friendly crowd… but how did no one else in the audience that believes, as does he, abortion is equivalent to murdering a baby stand up and say "No, murdering a baby is worse than 2 dudes getting hitched."
There is no way you could fill a room with pro-life folk that would also agree with Ricky's little morality apples and oranges comparison.
Everybody loves chocolate
I enjoy watching this miserable fuck lose the culture war. It kind of turns me on. In a gay way.
Yes. In fact, I'd turn gay if I could just so I could enjoy it even more.
I've gone lesbian for far less worthy causes.
That has increase the fap factor of this thread exponentially. Thank you.
Pics or GTFO
OT, but that Onion article that used to contribute to my insomnia? Has a whole 'nother feel this morning:
"And if we’re having trouble getting Pennsylvania on board, just wait until I absolutely wipe the floor with Joe Biden in the vice presidential debates. Don’t think for a second that I don’t know you’re terrified of us facing off, because in the back of your mind you know it could be a bloodbath up there."
It was, Paulie. It was. Bet you're not smirking now.
I heard recently that scientists in Kyoto made mouse eggs from stem cells. It's a very big "maybe" at this point, but they're saying this could possibly revolutionize fertility medicine, especially for gay and lesbian couples.
So don't tell me the gays will ruin marriage and humanity. Because SCIENCE, you shit-sucker.
Why would gay couples want to have baby mice?
Because they're depraved lunatics who hate America and want it destroyed because they're secretly all Muslims also too? Jesus, are you taking notes? Get a fucking pen!
Cheaper than baby humans?
Commander Cody is one of many clone sons of gheys Palpatine (size queen) and Jango Fett (armor fetishist).
This is canon, right?
Santorum, defending the galaxy against Order 66 (or was it 69) execution!
Obscure, but funny.
This is so obscure, my obscurometer has broken, but anyhow
Commander Cody LIBEL!!!
This is wrong, but the fact that he's eating *chocolate* ice cream makes it even funnier.
When will these politicians learn NEVER TO PUT PHALIC SHAPED THINGS IN THEIR MOUTHS IN PUBLIC?!
He's not just eating it, either. He is deep-throating it.
Are you kidding? This will be Rick's masturbatory fantasy for the next month, at least until the new issue of "Young Bottoms" comes out (so to speak).
Oh, please, don't tell them that.
However, he favors abortions for gay men who get preggers because of legitimate forcible rape.
I don't consider my day done until I have personally exploded and then had sex with the corpse of at least one straight marriage.
Hey straights! BOO!
EEeeek! Oh! A ghey! Oh! Save me!
HOO?
Ricky uses the old politician reasoning. Fetuses don't vote.
That picture would make Sasha Grey blush.
". . . marriage will 'disintegrate' along with the American family if same-sex marriage becomes legal."
Yes because it is MUCH better for everyone when gay people are closeted and married to their unsuspecting beards and sneak out on random Tuesday nights for anonymous, Craigs-list arranged buttsecks. That is MUCH better for the American family and the institution of marriage than gay people being out and proud and in commited, gay relationships.
Santorum is anti-santorum.
While eating … no, I can't finish it.
I can't finish it.
"Don't worry, honey. I'll take care of it. MMMM"
–Rick Santorum
Who is this guy again? Didn't he lose a bunch of elections, waste some fat rich fuck's money, and name himself after bunghole juice? Who thinks this anachronistic fuckhole is relevant anymore?
Bunghole juice is quite popular on the twitters.
I wonder if anyone has asked Santorum what he would recommend if prenatal testing showed that your baby will grow up to be gay.
Wait until it is born and then kill it, for Jesus.
Good one! I'd like to see his head explode from contemplating that. PsycWench, indeed.
How much of the male ghey is genetic (nature) and how much of it is those that just dig prostate stimulation (nurture)?
I'm around gay colleagues and students all week long and yet I have remained straight-married for almost 19 years. I must be doing something wrong.
We can sense when str8s are afraid, ya know. As long as you're cool and calm, you're safe.
Oh, like bees and dogs – I did not know this. Wonkette: it's an educational experience.
Where do you live? I will contact the gay mafia and have them ramp up recruitment in your area immediately.
Her marriage is under attack by the gheys and she doesn't even know it! They're so tricky. WAKE UP SHEEPLE!
Not too far from Crumb and Get It, so ask them to stop by and order some gay cookies.
Have you tried being an intolerant dick? No? Well, you're just not applying yourself.
If you've been married 19 years you must be doing *something* right.
Jeez, get with the program. We have an entire civilization to destroy and you aren't helping by holding out this way.
If they want to protect marriage, why aren't they fighting to make divorce illegal?
At last! Well said!
They are.
Nope nor abortions, neither.
You have so little faith in teh stoopid. http://rescuemarriage.org/about-rescue-marriage/
What about the unborn gay babies?
I've said it before, and will undoubtedly say it again, but if I had children I wouldn't let them anywhere near Rick Santorum.
I would, after I had had trained them in ninjutsu assassination techniques, using votes.
When "Catholic" Rick Santorum adopts the church's policies on the death penalty, war, and giving to the poor, maybe then he will be a more effective theocrat.
That soft-serve foam in the picture is "Santorum-dipt".
Anyone here wants some delicious beans?
Yum. Fetus bean soup.
You folks are in the front line. You folks are in the foxhole.—Santorum from linked video.
Foxhole has many definitons in urban slang, and none are Santorum-friendly.
He knows the right is running out of scary monsters under the bed, so must now ration them more slowly. Take away fear and what have they got?
He got a real pretty mouth ain't he?
Marriage + Ghey! = Compost. MATH.
Somebody needs to break it to Ricky that the kind of straight marriage he and Mrs. Gingham Dress have was rejected by 99% of Americans about three decades ago.
Why, Oh Lord, why do gays want to destroy marriage?
Does Sen. FrothyMix not understand that teh geys have maintained loving relationships since forever, because they are people? Gays being legally married will not make one iota of difference in my own marriage or personal morality.
Though we might not want to use my personal morality as evidence for anything.
All I have to say is that gay marriage can do no harm to my marriage.
Pope Palpatine is going to zap him with lightning!
We know what happens when you extend marriage rights to gays and lesbians from what happened in other countries. You probably will also get single-payer healthcare, lower gun violence due to strict gun control, cheap higher education, and an unwillingness to engage in imperialist adventures.
Bring it.
Ricky knows he's holding the short end of the stick. The recent Pew study of religious values in the US revealed that the percentage of the population who are unaffiliated–including atheists, agnostics, "free thinkers," etc. is slightly higher than those who identify themselves as "white, Evangelical" or "Born Again" Christians (19.9% to 19%).
Hang on to that stick, Rick. Some day you'll be riding the pointy end.
Once again Little Ricky is protesting too much. Unlike others who say things like 'come out of the closet Ricky', I say stay put you putrid turd.
Rick Santorum: adult diaper spokesman
While he's ramming that thing into his mouth, he's thinking, "Ah, big, black dick!"
Shit, it took nearly fifteen years for my first marriage to disintegrate, life's been pretty good since then. Bring on the 'Bortions.
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