Brad Sherman and Howard Berman are almost indistinguishable. They are old liberal Jewish Democrats who both voted for the Iraq war (but still try to ding the other for voting for the Iraq war? Come on, guys), and they are both sitting members of Congress representing Los Angeles’s San Fernando Valley. (You remember the Valley from movies like Valley Girl and songs like, um, Valley Girl.) But then a quirk of fate (or the redistricting commission) forced them to run against each other for a newly created seat, and now it is like a comedic Hollywood movie! Yesterday, shortly before Joe Biden raped poor Paul Ryan in his bottom, the two candidates met for some quality get-in-your-facetime, and Brad Sherman basically tried to headlock Howard Berman while shouting at him “YOU WANNA GET IN MY FACE?” and some other stuff, like George W. Bush pretending he was Hud and shouting “You wanna go mano-a-mano old man???” And then an alert copper (we presume he’s a sheriff’s deputy, based on his uniform) was like, you know, I think I will do some keeping of the peace. Gentlemen? Please stop the manhandling. BOO!
The most terrible thing (by which we mean the greatest thing) about this short video is the audience’s bloodlust. After all, these are the kinds of dutiful citizens who go to congressional forums between old liberal Jews; they should be moaning, like, “STOP!” and “OY VEY!” But instead they are hooting like common vulgar wrestling fans, sort of like we did last night when Joey Biden shouted at Ryan OH YOU’RE JACK KENNEDY NOW??? Heh.
Unfortunately, now — thanks to near simultaneous acts of violence in the Berman-Sherman debate and whatever Joe Biden did to that poor little punk — the populace will no longer be satisfied with boring, fisticuff-free debates. Every debate will have to feature Brooks and Sumner cold beating each other with canes.
Sadface?
[LAT]
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Lemme tell you, brother! If you want to get it on, IT'S ON! This Friday night at the Elks Club! You! Me! Steel cage! Be there, brother! OhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhYEAH!
Wonkamania's running wild brother!
Two mensches enter, one mensch leaves.
Hey, how come you stood us up for the debate liveblog?!
No fighting on Friday! They'll both be at temple. But Saturday afternoon is open.
You'll pay for the whole seat, but you'll only be using the EDDDDDDDDDDDGE.
The next time you reference Valley Girl, one of these dudes better be Nicolas Cage in an alley all drunk and throwing up while sobbing over the rich girl who don't wanna date him no more. Like, totally.
Also, since I'm like, out for the day as of now, OHJOOOOOOE! So freaking awesome.
Needs moar big hair.
Live feed!
Girl, I'm tellin' ya, you get me all worked up when you hoot and holler like that.
You can easily tell them apart by Brad Sherman's chiseled grin and Howard Berman's grizzled chin.
*applause*
…(*stealing*)
I'd vote for Jewish Sherman over Berman because the only Beman I know (Chris) ruins the home run derby every year for me with his blow hard blabbing and undeserved arrogance.
Enter! Come in! Come in… AND ENTER!
Those two had a famous fight back before the Civil War. I think Berman beat Sherman with a cane or something.
And later, Sherman burned Atlanta to the ground.
And Berman went on to start ESPN or something.
I live right in these two goofballs' bailiwick, and I would have PAID to see this. Also, anyone who's ever waited for a table at Jerry's Deli on Sunday know how vicious these old Jewish cats can get. They'd shiv you soon as look at you if you get the last noodle kugel.
Anyone who remembers Wolfies in Miami when they would put out the extra free rolls can see these guys are just schleppers
The Rascal House is great for lunch on Xmas Day. What holiday? Meh.
"Jerry's Deli on Sunday…" Bwhahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha….
Worst. Seder. Ever.
Unlike last night's debate, er, Ryan's Bris.
Smokin' Joe should have put out flyers ahead of the debate: "I'm not a mohel but tonight will be Paul Ryan's bris."
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!
Pussies both. I didn’t see any punches thrown.
"HOWARD!!! ARE YOU AND THE SHERMAN BOY ROUGH-HOUSING UP THERE!!???"
"IT'S NOT ROUGH-HOUSING MA! IT'S PILATES!!!"
Oy Gevalt! What would your mothers say?
Like, totally, omigod, like, whatever.*
(*Former 80s Valley Girl)
Gag me with a pitchfork.
I still like fuck me with a chainsaw. "Heathers" was 80s, no? I love my dead gay son!!!!
For some reason I found myself slightly aroused by the shoulderpads. I think it was the sense memory of hairspray that did it…
d'oh ! Ah I always had a thing for that not SJP brunette…
Remember when Democrats used to be the pussies?
No.
Oh, if Democrats fought their adversaries as well as they fought their allies this would be a wonderful country.
Since it was in the San Fernando Valley, I assume half way through the debate a pizza delivery boy and a plumber showed up and started having sex with everyone.
Don't forget the pool boy!
That happens in Studio City, but come ON, Weirdland Hills is far more reserved!
Pfft! I wanna see the films of Rebecca and Sarah liveblogging last night.
Oh, if only there was a God, this would be true.
I wonder if they got into their pajammies and had a pillow fight after the debate.
Wasn't that the edge of a mud-westling pit in the posted 'rainbow' photo from last night?
Talk like that is making it very difficult for me to work.
That mental image almost makes up for me having to look at that picture of Ryan lifting weights first thing this morning.
Geez, calm down guys! There's no way anything even remotely sexy happened – they're bloggers.
Nikki Haley was doing some sexytime with a blogger, so anything's possible…
fapfapfapfap
A Berman/Sherman match?
Please tell me the moderator was Theodore Geisel.
"In the far-away valley of San Fernando, lived Sherman and Berman, who fought toe-to-toe…"
The Berman/Sherman battle in a puddle in a bottle on a poodle eating noodles?
Scrambled Eggs Sherman de Berman de Herman, special deluxe a la Uma J. Thurman.
When my kids were small their youthful enthusiasm would often lead to wrestling and such. As an involved caring father I would always take the time to handicap the fight and make book.
The Thrilla' of Salmonilla?
Not since Herschel Mendelssohn's bar mitzvah have I seen such a brawl!
Or that wedding in Philadelphia last weekend. Oy.
Such tsuris!
And then the clock struck 4 PM, so off to the blue plate special they trundled…
The world needs more Frank Zappa.
Sherman and Berman are squirmin'? Such a shemozzle…
You had me at "Joe Biden raped poor Paul Ryan in his bottom"
Sheesh. That was really hard to masturbate to.
But not impossible.
So relatlvely but not totally unfappable.
And then a little tiny dog with glasses showed up and took Sherman to something called the Wayback Machine.
PEABODY LIBEL!
Fuck me running! I got nothing.
Barf me out!
The first rule of debate club is don't talk about debate club.
Needs moar nightstick.
And so a noogie was averted, thanks to our brave lawman.
Howard – Next time Brad tries to poke you with Da Finga (thank you, "Sunshine Boys") grab it with your fist and take him to his knees.
I'm thinking this could be a new online game.
Which one is Larry David?
EDIT: Jason Alexander is in too deep! "You're not you!! I'm you!!"
It's okay, but Reiner and Brooks are way funnier
Dude, this is Cali. Let's, like, spark up a doob and chill, brah.
Howard and Brad's Excellent Adventure.
OT, but I just clicked on the Amazon link and was greeted by the lovely cover photo of our own Sara Benincasa on her lovely book. I also bought the book by our Editrix, though Amazon does not provide a lovely cover photo for it. I bought both, and may even read them when I am done "looking" at the cover photos. If Layne's book has a hawt cover photo I might be persuaded.
"You remember The Valley"
OMG, totally. Worst cowboy TV show evah. Gag me with a fork…
Personally, my bloodlust won't be satisfied until debates go full-Bloodsport
Of course, the loser will get a talk show on KABC am.
"You remember the Valley from movies like Valley Girl and songs like, um, Valley Girl."
You also may remember the valley from movies like just about every porn ever made.
Ehrmahgerd, Sherman and Berman!
David Ben Gurion observed that where there are two Jews, there are three opinions.
That was, like, grody and gnarly. Fer shure.
I think it was more Itchy and Scratchy…
Needs commentary by Mindy Meyer.
Civility. Pffft. It's so overrated.
Know who else was civil in a recent debate?
My helpful helpmate reminded me that the Brooks-Sumner contretemps can hardly be described as a fight: it was a near-fatal assault, wherein another sterling exemplar of South Carolinian gentility prevented others from stepping in to rescue Mr. Sumner.
Jewfight!
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