the rally in the valley

Old Bald Liberal Jews Mistake Congressional Debate For WWE Ring (Video)

Brad Sherman and Howard Berman are almost indistinguishable. They are old liberal Jewish Democrats who both voted for the Iraq war (but still try to ding the other for voting for the Iraq war? Come on, guys), and they are both sitting members of Congress representing Los Angeles’s San Fernando Valley. (You remember the Valley from movies like Valley Girl and songs like, um, Valley Girl.) But then a quirk of fate (or the redistricting commission) forced them to run against each other for a newly created seat, and now it is like a comedic Hollywood movie! Yesterday, shortly before Joe Biden raped poor Paul Ryan in his bottom, the two candidates met for some quality get-in-your-facetime, and Brad Sherman basically tried to headlock Howard Berman while shouting at him “YOU WANNA GET IN MY FACE?” and some other stuff, like George W. Bush pretending he was Hud and shouting “You wanna go mano-a-mano old man???” And then an alert copper (we presume he’s a sheriff’s deputy, based on his uniform) was like, you know, I think I will do some keeping of the peace. Gentlemen? Please stop the manhandling. BOO!

The most terrible thing (by which we mean the greatest thing) about this short video is the audience’s bloodlust. After all, these are the kinds of dutiful citizens who go to congressional forums between old liberal Jews; they should be moaning, like, “STOP!” and “OY VEY!” But instead they are hooting like common vulgar wrestling fans, sort of like we did last night when Joey Biden shouted at Ryan OH YOU’RE JACK KENNEDY NOW??? Heh.

Unfortunately, now — thanks to near simultaneous acts of violence in the Berman-Sherman debate and whatever Joe Biden did to that poor little punk — the populace will no longer be satisfied with boring, fisticuff-free debates. Every debate will have to feature Brooks and Sumner cold beating each other with canes.



About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  1. actor212

    Lemme tell you, brother! If you want to get it on, IT'S ON! This Friday night at the Elks Club! You! Me! Steel cage! Be there, brother! OhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhYEAH!

  2. FakaktaSouth

    The next time you reference Valley Girl, one of these dudes better be Nicolas Cage in an alley all drunk and throwing up while sobbing over the rich girl who don't wanna date him no more. Like, totally.

    Also, since I'm like, out for the day as of now, OHJOOOOOOE! So freaking awesome.

  3. ManchuCandidate

    I'd vote for Jewish Sherman over Berman because the only Beman I know (Chris) ruins the home run derby every year for me with his blow hard blabbing and undeserved arrogance.

  4. Oblios_Cap

    Those two had a famous fight back before the Civil War. I think Berman beat Sherman with a cane or something.

  5. Hammiepants

    I live right in these two goofballs' bailiwick, and I would have PAID to see this. Also, anyone who's ever waited for a table at Jerry's Deli on Sunday know how vicious these old Jewish cats can get. They'd shiv you soon as look at you if you get the last noodle kugel.

    1. finallyhappy

      Anyone who remembers Wolfies in Miami when they would put out the extra free rolls can see these guys are just schleppers

      1. PugglesRule

        Smokin' Joe should have put out flyers ahead of the debate: "I'm not a mohel but tonight will be Paul Ryan's bris."

      1. Crank_Tango

        For some reason I found myself slightly aroused by the shoulderpads. I think it was the sense memory of hairspray that did it…

  6. SexySmurf

    Since it was in the San Fernando Valley, I assume half way through the debate a pizza delivery boy and a plumber showed up and started having sex with everyone.

      1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

        That mental image almost makes up for me having to look at that picture of Ryan lifting weights first thing this morning.

      2. gullywompr

        Geez, calm down guys! There's no way anything even remotely sexy happened – they're bloggers.

  7. Goonemeritus

    When my kids were small their youthful enthusiasm would often lead to wrestling and such. As an involved caring father I would always take the time to handicap the fight and make book.

  8. BaldarTFlagass

    And then a little tiny dog with glasses showed up and took Sherman to something called the Wayback Machine.

  9. Tundra Grifter

    Howard – Next time Brad tries to poke you with Da Finga (thank you, "Sunshine Boys") grab it with your fist and take him to his knees.

  10. calliecallie

    Dude, this is Cali. Let's, like, spark up a doob and chill, brah.

    Howard and Brad's Excellent Adventure.

  11. docterry6973

    OT, but I just clicked on the Amazon link and was greeted by the lovely cover photo of our own Sara Benincasa on her lovely book. I also bought the book by our Editrix, though Amazon does not provide a lovely cover photo for it. I bought both, and may even read them when I am done "looking" at the cover photos. If Layne's book has a hawt cover photo I might be persuaded.

  12. SorosBot

    "You remember the Valley from movies like Valley Girl and songs like, um, Valley Girl."

    You also may remember the valley from movies like just about every porn ever made.

  13. ShuCityRefugee

    My helpful helpmate reminded me that the Brooks-Sumner contretemps can hardly be described as a fight: it was a near-fatal assault, wherein another sterling exemplar of South Carolinian gentility prevented others from stepping in to rescue Mr. Sumner.

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