THE RALLY IN THE VALLEY  12:24 pm October 12, 2012

Old Bald Liberal Jews Mistake Congressional Debate For WWE Ring (Video)

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Brad Sherman and Howard Berman are almost indistinguishable. They are old liberal Jewish Democrats who both voted for the Iraq war (but still try to ding the other for voting for the Iraq war? Come on, guys), and they are both sitting members of Congress representing Los Angeles’s San Fernando Valley. (You remember the Valley from movies like Valley Girl and songs like, um, Valley Girl.) But then a quirk of fate (or the redistricting commission) forced them to run against each other for a newly created seat, and now it is like a comedic Hollywood movie! Yesterday, shortly before Joe Biden raped poor Paul Ryan in his bottom, the two candidates met for some quality get-in-your-facetime, and Brad Sherman basically tried to headlock Howard Berman while shouting at him “YOU WANNA GET IN MY FACE?” and some other stuff, like George W. Bush pretending he was Hud and shouting “You wanna go mano-a-mano old man???” And then an alert copper (we presume he’s a sheriff’s deputy, based on his uniform) was like, you know, I think I will do some keeping of the peace. Gentlemen? Please stop the manhandling. BOO!

The most terrible thing (by which we mean the greatest thing) about this short video is the audience’s bloodlust. After all, these are the kinds of dutiful citizens who go to congressional forums between old liberal Jews; they should be moaning, like, “STOP!” and “OY VEY!” But instead they are hooting like common vulgar wrestling fans, sort of like we did last night when Joey Biden shouted at Ryan OH YOU’RE JACK KENNEDY NOW??? Heh.

Unfortunately, now — thanks to near simultaneous acts of violence in the Berman-Sherman debate and whatever Joe Biden did to that poor little punk — the populace will no longer be satisfied with boring, fisticuff-free debates. Every debate will have to feature Brooks and Sumner cold beating each other with canes.

Sadface?

[LAT]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 90 comments }

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Lemme tell you, brother! If you want to get it on, IT'S ON! This Friday night at the Elks Club! You! Me! Steel cage! Be there, brother! OhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhYEAH!

ManchuCandidate October 12, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Wonkamania's running wild brother!

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Two mensches enter, one mensch leaves.

Chet Kincaid_ October 12, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Hey, how come you stood us up for the debate liveblog?!

PugglesRule October 12, 2012 at 1:11 pm

No fighting on Friday! They'll both be at temple. But Saturday afternoon is open.

Magic Sam October 12, 2012 at 1:42 pm

You'll pay for the whole seat, but you'll only be using the EDDDDDDDDDDDGE.

FakaktaSouth October 12, 2012 at 12:29 pm

The next time you reference Valley Girl, one of these dudes better be Nicolas Cage in an alley all drunk and throwing up while sobbing over the rich girl who don't wanna date him no more. Like, totally.

Also, since I'm like, out for the day as of now, OHJOOOOOOE! So freaking awesome.

eggsacklywright October 12, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Needs moar big hair.

Boojum October 12, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Live feed!

MittBorg October 12, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Girl, I'm tellin' ya, you get me all worked up when you hoot and holler like that.

tessiee October 12, 2012 at 12:29 pm

You can easily tell them apart by Brad Sherman's chiseled grin and Howard Berman's grizzled chin.

Mumbletypeg October 12, 2012 at 1:02 pm

*applause*
…(*stealing*)

ManchuCandidate October 12, 2012 at 12:30 pm

I'd vote for Jewish Sherman over Berman because the only Beman I know (Chris) ruins the home run derby every year for me with his blow hard blabbing and undeserved arrogance.

mavenmaven October 12, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Enter! Come in! Come in… AND ENTER!

Oblios_Cap October 12, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Those two had a famous fight back before the Civil War. I think Berman beat Sherman with a cane or something.

BaldarTFlagass October 12, 2012 at 12:38 pm

And later, Sherman burned Atlanta to the ground.

Oblios_Cap October 12, 2012 at 12:40 pm

And Berman went on to start ESPN or something.

Hammiepants October 12, 2012 at 12:32 pm

I live right in these two goofballs' bailiwick, and I would have PAID to see this. Also, anyone who's ever waited for a table at Jerry's Deli on Sunday know how vicious these old Jewish cats can get. They'd shiv you soon as look at you if you get the last noodle kugel.

finallyhappy October 12, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Anyone who remembers Wolfies in Miami when they would put out the extra free rolls can see these guys are just schleppers

Dildeaux October 12, 2012 at 1:25 pm

The Rascal House is great for lunch on Xmas Day. What holiday? Meh.

rickmaci October 12, 2012 at 3:39 pm

"Jerry's Deli on Sunday…" Bwhahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha….

BaldarTFlagass October 12, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Worst. Seder. Ever.

ManchuCandidate October 12, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Unlike last night's debate, er, Ryan's Bris.

PugglesRule October 12, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Smokin' Joe should have put out flyers ahead of the debate: "I'm not a mohel but tonight will be Paul Ryan's bris."

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 12:38 pm

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

WhatTheHeck October 12, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Pussies both. I didn’t see any punches thrown.

tessiee October 12, 2012 at 12:33 pm

"HOWARD!!! ARE YOU AND THE SHERMAN BOY ROUGH-HOUSING UP THERE!!???"

Lascauxcaveman October 12, 2012 at 12:39 pm

"IT'S NOT ROUGH-HOUSING MA! IT'S PILATES!!!"

Hera Sent Me October 12, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Oy Gevalt! What would your mothers say?

Tequila Mockingbird October 12, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Like, totally, omigod, like, whatever.*

(*Former 80s Valley Girl)

eggsacklywright October 12, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Gag me with a pitchfork.

FakaktaSouth October 12, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I still like fuck me with a chainsaw. "Heathers" was 80s, no? I love my dead gay son!!!!

Crank_Tango October 12, 2012 at 12:52 pm

For some reason I found myself slightly aroused by the shoulderpads. I think it was the sense memory of hairspray that did it…

Crank_Tango October 12, 2012 at 1:28 pm

d'oh ! Ah I always had a thing for that not SJP brunette…

gullywompr October 12, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Remember when Democrats used to be the pussies?

Pennywhistler October 13, 2012 at 9:53 pm

No.

SayItWithWookies October 12, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Oh, if Democrats fought their adversaries as well as they fought their allies this would be a wonderful country.

SexySmurf October 12, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Since it was in the San Fernando Valley, I assume half way through the debate a pizza delivery boy and a plumber showed up and started having sex with everyone.

BaldarTFlagass October 12, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Don't forget the pool boy!

Biff October 12, 2012 at 12:51 pm

That happens in Studio City, but come ON, Weirdland Hills is far more reserved!

gullywompr October 12, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Pfft! I wanna see the films of Rebecca and Sarah liveblogging last night.

Boojum October 12, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Oh, if only there was a God, this would be true.

BaldarTFlagass October 12, 2012 at 12:41 pm

I wonder if they got into their pajammies and had a pillow fight after the debate.

kittensdontlie October 12, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Wasn't that the edge of a mud-westling pit in the posted 'rainbow' photo from last night?

Will_Panic October 12, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Talk like that is making it very difficult for me to work.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 12, 2012 at 12:56 pm

That mental image almost makes up for me having to look at that picture of Ryan lifting weights first thing this morning.

gullywompr October 12, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Geez, calm down guys! There's no way anything even remotely sexy happened – they're bloggers.

Oblios_Cap October 12, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Nikki Haley was doing some sexytime with a blogger, so anything's possible…

Dildeaux October 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

fapfapfapfap

JackDempsey1 October 12, 2012 at 12:37 pm

A Berman/Sherman match?
Please tell me the moderator was Theodore Geisel.

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 12:49 pm

"In the far-away valley of San Fernando, lived Sherman and Berman, who fought toe-to-toe…"

Juan_Oriley October 12, 2012 at 9:45 pm

The Berman/Sherman battle in a puddle in a bottle on a poodle eating noodles?

gurukalehuru October 13, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Scrambled Eggs Sherman de Berman de Herman, special deluxe a la Uma J. Thurman.

Goonemeritus October 12, 2012 at 12:37 pm

When my kids were small their youthful enthusiasm would often lead to wrestling and such. As an involved caring father I would always take the time to handicap the fight and make book.

hagajim October 12, 2012 at 12:38 pm

The Thrilla' of Salmonilla?

Poindexter718 October 12, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Not since Herschel Mendelssohn's bar mitzvah have I seen such a brawl!

PugglesRule October 12, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Or that wedding in Philadelphia last weekend. Oy.

Poindexter718 October 12, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Such tsuris!

Oblios_Cap October 12, 2012 at 12:41 pm

And then the clock struck 4 PM, so off to the blue plate special they trundled…

Grief_Lessons October 12, 2012 at 12:42 pm

The world needs more Frank Zappa.

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Sherman and Berman are squirmin'? Such a shemozzle…

zumpie October 12, 2012 at 12:44 pm

You had me at "Joe Biden raped poor Paul Ryan in his bottom"

Crank_Tango October 12, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Sheesh. That was really hard to masturbate to.

Grief_Lessons October 12, 2012 at 12:47 pm

But not impossible.

PugglesRule October 12, 2012 at 1:14 pm

So relatlvely but not totally unfappable.

BaldarTFlagass October 12, 2012 at 12:45 pm

And then a little tiny dog with glasses showed up and took Sherman to something called the Wayback Machine.

mavenmaven October 12, 2012 at 1:06 pm

PEABODY LIBEL!

ttommyunger October 12, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Fuck me running! I got nothing.

Biff October 12, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Barf me out!

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 12, 2012 at 12:47 pm

The first rule of debate club is don't talk about debate club.

Not_So_Much October 12, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Needs moar nightstick.

GuyClinch October 12, 2012 at 12:52 pm

And so a noogie was averted, thanks to our brave lawman.

Tundra Grifter October 12, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Howard – Next time Brad tries to poke you with Da Finga (thank you, "Sunshine Boys") grab it with your fist and take him to his knees.

Blueb4sinrise October 12, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I'm thinking this could be a new online game.

Chet Kincaid_ October 12, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Which one is Larry David?

EDIT: Jason Alexander is in too deep! "You're not you!! I'm you!!"

delaney_blom October 12, 2012 at 1:07 pm

It's okay, but Reiner and Brooks are way funnier

calliecallie October 12, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Dude, this is Cali. Let's, like, spark up a doob and chill, brah.

Howard and Brad's Excellent Adventure.

docterry6973 October 12, 2012 at 1:09 pm

OT, but I just clicked on the Amazon link and was greeted by the lovely cover photo of our own Sara Benincasa on her lovely book. I also bought the book by our Editrix, though Amazon does not provide a lovely cover photo for it. I bought both, and may even read them when I am done "looking" at the cover photos. If Layne's book has a hawt cover photo I might be persuaded.

DahBoner October 12, 2012 at 1:10 pm

"You remember The Valley"

OMG, totally. Worst cowboy TV show evah. Gag me with a fork…

Incitefully_Joe October 12, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Personally, my bloodlust won't be satisfied until debates go full-Bloodsport

GeorgiaBurning October 12, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Of course, the loser will get a talk show on KABC am.

SorosBot October 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

"You remember the Valley from movies like Valley Girl and songs like, um, Valley Girl."

You also may remember the valley from movies like just about every porn ever made.

tessiee October 12, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Ehrmahgerd, Sherman and Berman!

chascates October 12, 2012 at 1:34 pm

David Ben Gurion observed that where there are two Jews, there are three opinions.

elviouslyqueer October 12, 2012 at 1:35 pm

That was, like, grody and gnarly. Fer shure.

Toomush_Infer October 12, 2012 at 1:55 pm

I think it was more Itchy and Scratchy…

tessiee October 12, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Needs commentary by Mindy Meyer.

LibertyLover October 12, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Civility. Pffft. It's so overrated.

Know who else was civil in a recent debate?

ShuCityRefugee October 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm

My helpful helpmate reminded me that the Brooks-Sumner contretemps can hardly be described as a fight: it was a near-fatal assault, wherein another sterling exemplar of South Carolinian gentility prevented others from stepping in to rescue Mr. Sumner.

Troubledog October 12, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Jewfight!

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