NFIB wants you to know how much they love breastsWe spent most of our lives thinking that breast cancer sucks — our mother is a breast cancer survivor, after all — but apparently we were just thinking small, blinded to the huge political opportunity that breast cancer presents for misogynist shitbags who want to appear pro-woman without actually doing anything pro-woman. Take,  for example, the NFIB (National Federal of Independent Businesses), an adorable far-right business association which spends most of its time suing Obamacare and calling Teddy Kennedy “public enemy No. One,” and which is funding the campaigns of Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin and Ed “Life-Begins-at-Conception” Emery. The NFIB! They’re so cute!

Here is a thing that women who own businesses can do: they can give money to the NFIB to give to Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin if they want to increase their PowHER. (Someone got paid to come up with that, y’all.)

Throughout the month of October, NFIB is giving away great prizes to celebrate the success of women business owners across America. And, we’re making a donation to breast cancer awareness for every woman business owner who joins NFIB during October.

Seize the powHER now by registering for the $1,000 Grand Prize and weekly giveaways, including an iPad 3, $500 Coach gift cards, a Nook tablet, and lots more!

Seize the powHER, or fight the powHER? We’ll go with that second one.


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  • No wait! This is a good thing, Kris.

    The more women who join the NFIB, the more actual living humans will be able to tell them to fuck off the next time they do something stupid like supporting Akin.

    • BadKitty904

      Can we use the word "LIARS!" here or is that still forbidden by the WSJ?

      • nounverb911

        Just call them Nazis instead.

        • BadKitty904

          OK, that works.

      • MosesInvests


      • mrpuma2u

        You can say Liar, but be advised the WSJ will then report you to Homeland security as a fringe fascist subversive.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      You don't have to give them money to do that.

      There's letters, emails, phone calls, bricks through the window…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Prolly more like the NRA: they'll take the money of more-or-less normal people, claiming to support their interests, and then spend it promoting far-right bullshit.

    • bobbert

      This probably faulty reasoning. I know a number of Legionnaires and NRA members who are perfectly sane, normal, humans. They have exactly zero influence over the right-wing-nutty national "leadership" of their organizations.

  • What a bunch of boobs.

    • BadKitty904

      With friends like these, etc.

      • glasspusher

        I prefer to see boobs hang out, rather than hanging out with boobs.

  • memzilla

    The Marketing MBA who came up with "PowHER" needs to be bitch-slapped with the same cudgel that Handsome Joe used on Paul "Eddie Munster" Ryan last night. Bitch-slapped hard and repeatedly.

    • It's meant ironically, as in "BANG! ZOOM! TO THA MOON, ALICE!"

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Like the Hulk throwing Loki around like a ragdoll towards the end of that Avengers movie.

      • "PUNY GOD"

        • BaldarTFlagass

          I'm not a big fan of violence, but that was just about the funniest scene in that movie…

        • Esteev

          I think it's a decent size…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Shouldn't the prize be a Nookie tablet?

    • memzilla

      Or an iVaj.

    • eggsacklywright

      Is Bush behind this?

      • LibertyLover

        Wouldn't Bush be in front of this?

    • Fred Durst approves

  • PowHER. Someone got paid to come up with that

    As I contemplate Rep. Akin perfecting his slowly spreading grin that will grace his upcoming support website whose pages are replete with images of ladylike devotees, I've no doubt Herman Cain is wishing he'd thought of "PowHER" first.
    Except, I don't think it means what he thinks it means.

  • NFIB is giving away great prizes to celebrate the success of women business owners across America.

    But wait! I thought small business was in an absolute morass because soshalism?

  • HempDogbane

    N-FIB endorses Paul Ryan too, and he likes beans, I mean, women !

  • Roy Hobbson

    It's better than their 2011 campaign, also written by a 12-year-old boy:

    "Don't be a WHOREibble bitch! Join NFIB!"®

  • smashedinhat

    Breast cancer awareness. Meaning what? My sister died of breast cancer before she could become a small business owner. I'm so tired of this shit.

    • This is what they call "Compassionate Conservatism." (sorry to hear about your sister, btw).

      • BadKitty904

        I.e., the equivalent of "Black White," "Up Down," "Left Right," etc.

  • Toomush_Infer

    PowHER – giving women a black eye everywhere….

    • Esteev

      "chick asked me for a ring / I put one around her whole eye"

      Big L

  • LibertyLover

    They should give women their very own vaginal probe…

    • PsycWench

      The women I know have all the available vaginal probes they can manage. Sometimes they have to beat them off…no, that doesn't sound right.

      • bobbert

        With a stick?

    • Esteev

      Two, please!

  • PsycWench

    They are very vague about what this "donation" might be. It might consist of a flaming bag of dog poop for all I know.

    • BadKitty904


  • mavenmaven

    PowHER sounds like what Chris Brown did to Rihanna. It does not sound very pro-woman.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I was thinking along the lines of Ike and Tina Turner.

  • Susan G Komen for the Cure will pinkwash anything. The most rank of rank opportunists.

    • BadKitty904

      I'm kinda getting that impression, too…

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I, for one, will be happy to wave goodbye to all the pink highlights in my favorite NFL teams' uniforms at the end of this month.

    • Cleos_Mom

      That horrible pink seems to be everywhere, and I haven't heard yet about anything the group has actually done, other than slam Planned Parenthood.

  • jodyleek

    Doesn't heart attack actually kill more women than breast cancer? It has in my family anyway. I am mostly meh on the pink ribbon thing, and I have boobs, so there.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "and I have boobs, so there."

      If moobs count, then so do I.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    powHER, huh? Sounds like crockoSHIT, to me.

  • Just moar reasons why weejee and associates doesn't belong to NFIB (or the Chamberpot of Commerce).

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "And, we’re making a donation to breast cancer awareness for every woman business owner who joins NFIB during October."

    Fiddy cent?

    • LibertyLover

      Skip the middle man, and donate to breast cancer awareness in the first place.

      • PsycWench

        Best idea I've heard in a while. Ditto pink mixers, scarves, and the endless amount of pink crap.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I bet they're telling nFIBs.

  • calliecallie

    Prizes, also. Because every woman will forego her last scrap of dignity for the possibility of a new Coach bag.

  • oenspiek

    Because $500 Coach giveaways and an iPad make breast cancer and rape A-OK.

    This guy is 'Akin' for a slapdown. With votes.

  • Oblios_Cap

    powHER? I hardly even know her!

    Seriously, it sounds like the name of group advocationg the beating of womenz.

  • this campaign has made me so fucking sick of 'small business' – and more particularly the hushed reverence with which it is discussed.

    a lot of 'small business' is people taking tax deductions to do their job in their house.

    • bobbert

      Actually, those are small businesses. At least there is one employee. The ones that piss me off are the ones with 200 employees and $50M revenue.

  • noodlesalad

    Relax, fellas. The ladies have to click a check-box that assures nFIB that their husbands are either dead or have given them power of attorney to run the business while they serve out their white collar time at Club Fed.

  • LibertyLover

    Can we get over teh "pink ribbon" thingy to signify breast cancer? I mean honestly. Not all women like the color pink, I know I don't. Why not a hooters logo? That's more representative of healthy breasts than a stupid pink ribbon..

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Why not a hooters logo? That's more representative of healthy breasts"

      And owls.

      • And cheap beer and wings

      • LibertyLover

        Owls have breasts?

        • bobbert

          Chickens and turkeys do, so I suppose, yeah.

    • MosesInvests

      Healthy bags of saline solution, anyway.

    • Cleos_Mom

      And at that, the pink they use isn't a vibrant pink; it's the color of old bubble gum.

  • SpeedoFart

    I like Cocktober waaaaaay better than Octboober.

    • LibertyLover

      OOHHH misread that… I thought it said Octoboober and the visual knocked my eyes out.

  • Ed “Life-Begins-at-Conception” Emery

    Actually he's doubled down on that. Life now begins with the first pick-up line.

  • Go ahead and donate, female businesspeople — if it's not a legitimate charity, your credit card has a way of shutting the whole thing down.

    (Not really — don't give these fuckers your money).

  • ttommyunger

    Looks like I'm not the only one to take note of the "…impenetrable stupidity of the Electorate." – Mein Kampf.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    "PowHER. (Someone got paid to come up with that, y’all"

    Working for a company that has a marketing department has made it clear to me that 99.9% of the people who work in marketing are shockingly idiotic.

  • GregComlish

    Republicans are always nostalgic about the days before feminists when you could just cold *POW* her

  • Esteev

    Are women allowed to use the prize money on abortions?

  • hagajim

    Sorry I'm late. I was reading liveblog porn.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Doubt if we'll be seeing Chet Kincaid much today, that dude was on fire last night.

  • Tommmcatt_Again

    Ah, Flava Flav! Citizen-poet of a more innocent age, we salute you!

  • OT

    Rmoney has landed the anorexic endorsement hat trick; Coulter, Palin, and now Lindsay Lohan.

  • I hope this doesn't only apply to ladeez with legitimate breasts.

  • Crank_Tango

    Git down for the Prophets of Rage!

  • UnholyMoses

    I'll just leave this right here.

    Sample a look back you look and find
    Nothing but rednecks for four hundred years if you check
    Don’t worry be happy was a number one jam
    Damn, if I say it you can slap me right here

  • widestanceromance

    With legitimate cancer, breasts have a way of just shutting that whole thing down.

  • DahBoner


    What about the Moob cancer survivors?

  • shelwood46

    An iPad3 and a Nook? Kind of reassuring that they don't support Amazon, despite the fact that Amazon sent me a "recommendation" email that recommended to me 10 different anti-Obama bumper stickers based on absolutely nothing I'd ever purchased (I don't even have a car, and I steal all my Kindle books so I've never bought a conservative book.). I complained, twice, but just got back two confused emails from customer service reps in India. But if the NFIB hates Amazon, I guess I can still buy stuff from them.

  • punkneverdies

    This horrible rag was usually in the pile of terlet readin' at one of my previous jobs. I would have used it for toilet paper but it was too glossy.

  • editor

    "business people against breast cancer."

    that's like boy scouts against ballroom dancing.
    or mustache-wearers against littering.
    or life coaches against chicken wings.

    i suppose we all have to have a cause.

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