LEGITIMATE RAPE  10:45 am October 12, 2012

Adorable Right-Wing Group NFIB Displays Feminine Side By Expressing Support For Breast Cancer, Legitimate Rape

by Kris E. Benson

NFIB wants you to know how much they love breastsWe spent most of our lives thinking that breast cancer sucks — our mother is a breast cancer survivor, after all — but apparently we were just thinking small, blinded to the huge political opportunity that breast cancer presents for misogynist shitbags who want to appear pro-woman without actually doing anything pro-woman. Take,  for example, the NFIB (National Federal of Independent Businesses), an adorable far-right business association which spends most of its time suing Obamacare and calling Teddy Kennedy “public enemy No. One,” and which is funding the campaigns of Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin and Ed “Life-Begins-at-Conception” Emery. The NFIB! They’re so cute!

Here is a thing that women who own businesses can do: they can give money to the NFIB to give to Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin if they want to increase their PowHER. (Someone got paid to come up with that, y’all.)

Throughout the month of October, NFIB is giving away great prizes to celebrate the success of women business owners across America. And, we’re making a donation to breast cancer awareness for every woman business owner who joins NFIB during October.

Seize the powHER now by registering for the $1,000 Grand Prize and weekly giveaways, including an iPad 3, $500 Coach gift cards, a Nook tablet, and lots more!

Seize the powHER, or fight the powHER? We’ll go with that second one.

[NFIB]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 86 comments }

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 10:48 am

No wait! This is a good thing, Kris.

The more women who join the NFIB, the more actual living humans will be able to tell them to fuck off the next time they do something stupid like supporting Akin.

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 10:50 am

Can we use the word "LIARS!" here or is that still forbidden by the WSJ?

nounverb911 October 12, 2012 at 10:58 am

Just call them Nazis instead.

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 10:59 am

OK, that works.

MosesInvests October 12, 2012 at 11:20 am

Malarkey.

mrpuma2u October 12, 2012 at 11:24 am

You can say Liar, but be advised the WSJ will then report you to Homeland security as a fringe fascist subversive.

Lascauxcaveman October 12, 2012 at 11:57 am

You don't have to give them money to do that.

There's letters, emails, phone calls, bricks through the window…

Biel_ze_Bubba October 12, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Prolly more like the NRA: they'll take the money of more-or-less normal people, claiming to support their interests, and then spend it promoting far-right bullshit.

bobbert October 12, 2012 at 9:38 pm

This probably faulty reasoning. I know a number of Legionnaires and NRA members who are perfectly sane, normal, humans. They have exactly zero influence over the right-wing-nutty national "leadership" of their organizations.

ChillBill October 12, 2012 at 10:50 am

What a bunch of boobs.

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 10:51 am

With friends like these, etc.

glasspusher October 12, 2012 at 11:55 am

I prefer to see boobs hang out, rather than hanging out with boobs.

memzilla October 12, 2012 at 10:51 am

The Marketing MBA who came up with "PowHER" needs to be bitch-slapped with the same cudgel that Handsome Joe used on Paul "Eddie Munster" Ryan last night. Bitch-slapped hard and repeatedly.

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 10:53 am

It's meant ironically, as in "BANG! ZOOM! TO THA MOON, ALICE!"

BaldarTFlagass October 12, 2012 at 11:11 am

Like the Hulk throwing Loki around like a ragdoll towards the end of that Avengers movie.

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 11:13 am

"PUNY GOD"

BaldarTFlagass October 12, 2012 at 11:15 am

I'm not a big fan of violence, but that was just about the funniest scene in that movie…

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 11:19 am

I think it's a decent size…

BaldarTFlagass October 12, 2012 at 10:51 am

Shouldn't the prize be a Nookie tablet?

memzilla October 12, 2012 at 10:53 am

Or an iVaj.

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 10:57 am

Or a Max iPad

eggsacklywright October 12, 2012 at 10:59 am

Is Bush behind this?

LibertyLover October 12, 2012 at 11:01 am

Wouldn't Bush be in front of this?

ManchuCandidate October 12, 2012 at 11:06 am

Fred Durst approves

Mumbletypeg October 12, 2012 at 10:52 am

PowHER. Someone got paid to come up with that

As I contemplate Rep. Akin perfecting his slowly spreading grin that will grace his upcoming support website whose pages are replete with images of ladylike devotees, I've no doubt Herman Cain is wishing he'd thought of "PowHER" first.
Except, I don't think it means what he thinks it means.

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 10:53 am

NFIB is giving away great prizes to celebrate the success of women business owners across America.

But wait! I thought small business was in an absolute morass because soshalism?

HempDogbane October 12, 2012 at 10:53 am

N-FIB endorses Paul Ryan too, and he likes beans, I mean, women !

Roy Hobbson October 12, 2012 at 10:55 am

It's better than their 2011 campaign, also written by a 12-year-old boy:

"Don't be a WHOREibble bitch! Join NFIB!"®

smashedinhat October 12, 2012 at 10:55 am

Breast cancer awareness. Meaning what? My sister died of breast cancer before she could become a small business owner. I'm so tired of this shit.

ChillBill October 12, 2012 at 10:58 am

This is what they call "Compassionate Conservatism." (sorry to hear about your sister, btw).

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 11:01 am

I.e., the equivalent of "Black White," "Up Down," "Left Right," etc.

Toomush_Infer October 12, 2012 at 10:55 am

PowHER – giving women a black eye everywhere….

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 11:22 am

"chick asked me for a ring / I put one around her whole eye"

-Big L

LibertyLover October 12, 2012 at 10:55 am

They should give women their very own vaginal probe…

PsycWench October 12, 2012 at 10:59 am

The women I know have all the available vaginal probes they can manage. Sometimes they have to beat them off…no, that doesn't sound right.

bobbert October 12, 2012 at 9:40 pm

With a stick?

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 11:23 am

Two, please!

PsycWench October 12, 2012 at 10:55 am

They are very vague about what this "donation" might be. It might consist of a flaming bag of dog poop for all I know.

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 10:57 am

"might"?

mavenmaven October 12, 2012 at 10:56 am

PowHER sounds like what Chris Brown did to Rihanna. It does not sound very pro-woman.

BaldarTFlagass October 12, 2012 at 11:02 am

I was thinking along the lines of Ike and Tina Turner.

Chow Yun Flat October 12, 2012 at 10:56 am

Susan G Komen for the Cure will pinkwash anything. The most rank of rank opportunists.

BadKitty904 October 12, 2012 at 11:02 am

I'm kinda getting that impression, too…

BaldarTFlagass October 12, 2012 at 11:09 am

I, for one, will be happy to wave goodbye to all the pink highlights in my favorite NFL teams' uniforms at the end of this month.

Cleos_Mom October 13, 2012 at 3:19 pm

That horrible pink seems to be everywhere, and I haven't heard yet about anything the group has actually done, other than slam Planned Parenthood.

jodyleek October 12, 2012 at 10:58 am

Doesn't heart attack actually kill more women than breast cancer? It has in my family anyway. I am mostly meh on the pink ribbon thing, and I have boobs, so there.

BaldarTFlagass October 12, 2012 at 11:22 am

"and I have boobs, so there."

If moobs count, then so do I.

BaldarTFlagass October 12, 2012 at 10:59 am

powHER, huh? Sounds like crockoSHIT, to me.

weejee October 12, 2012 at 10:59 am

Just moar reasons why weejee and associates doesn't belong to NFIB (or the Chamberpot of Commerce).

BaldarTFlagass October 12, 2012 at 11:00 am

"And, we’re making a donation to breast cancer awareness for every woman business owner who joins NFIB during October."

Fiddy cent?

LibertyLover October 12, 2012 at 11:06 am

Skip the middle man, and donate to breast cancer awareness in the first place.

PsycWench October 12, 2012 at 11:17 am

Best idea I've heard in a while. Ditto pink mixers, scarves, and the endless amount of pink crap.

BaldarTFlagass October 12, 2012 at 11:01 am

I bet they're telling nFIBs.

calliecallie October 12, 2012 at 11:02 am

Prizes, also. Because every woman will forego her last scrap of dignity for the possibility of a new Coach bag.

oenspiek October 12, 2012 at 11:02 am

Because $500 Coach giveaways and an iPad make breast cancer and rape A-OK.

This guy is 'Akin' for a slapdown. With votes.

Oblios_Cap October 12, 2012 at 11:02 am

powHER? I hardly even know her!

Seriously, it sounds like the name of group advocationg the beating of womenz.

fuflans October 12, 2012 at 11:02 am

this campaign has made me so fucking sick of 'small business' – and more particularly the hushed reverence with which it is discussed.

a lot of 'small business' is people taking tax deductions to do their job in their house.

bobbert October 12, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Actually, those are small businesses. At least there is one employee. The ones that piss me off are the ones with 200 employees and $50M revenue.

noodlesalad October 12, 2012 at 11:04 am

Relax, fellas. The ladies have to click a check-box that assures nFIB that their husbands are either dead or have given them power of attorney to run the business while they serve out their white collar time at Club Fed.

LibertyLover October 12, 2012 at 11:05 am

Can we get over teh "pink ribbon" thingy to signify breast cancer? I mean honestly. Not all women like the color pink, I know I don't. Why not a hooters logo? That's more representative of healthy breasts than a stupid pink ribbon..

BaldarTFlagass October 12, 2012 at 11:08 am

"Why not a hooters logo? That's more representative of healthy breasts"

And owls.

actor212 October 12, 2012 at 11:12 am

And cheap beer and wings

LibertyLover October 12, 2012 at 11:13 am

Owls have breasts?

bobbert October 12, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Chickens and turkeys do, so I suppose, yeah.

MosesInvests October 12, 2012 at 11:24 am

Healthy bags of saline solution, anyway.

Cleos_Mom October 13, 2012 at 3:21 pm

And at that, the pink they use isn't a vibrant pink; it's the color of old bubble gum.

SpeedoFart October 12, 2012 at 11:05 am

I like Cocktober waaaaaay better than Octboober.

LibertyLover October 12, 2012 at 11:14 am

OOHHH misread that… I thought it said Octoboober and the visual knocked my eyes out.

Joshua Norton October 12, 2012 at 11:11 am

Ed “Life-Begins-at-Conception” Emery

Actually he's doubled down on that. Life now begins with the first pick-up line.

SayItWithWookies October 12, 2012 at 11:15 am

Go ahead and donate, female businesspeople — if it's not a legitimate charity, your credit card has a way of shutting the whole thing down.

(Not really — don't give these fuckers your money).

ttommyunger October 12, 2012 at 11:16 am

Looks like I'm not the only one to take note of the "…impenetrable stupidity of the Electorate." – Mein Kampf.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 12, 2012 at 11:16 am

"PowHER. (Someone got paid to come up with that, y’all"

Working for a company that has a marketing department has made it clear to me that 99.9% of the people who work in marketing are shockingly idiotic.

GregComlish October 12, 2012 at 11:17 am

Republicans are always nostalgic about the days before feminists when you could just cold *POW* her

Esteev October 12, 2012 at 11:18 am

Are women allowed to use the prize money on abortions?

hagajim October 12, 2012 at 11:19 am

Sorry I'm late. I was reading liveblog porn.

BaldarTFlagass October 12, 2012 at 11:25 am

Doubt if we'll be seeing Chet Kincaid much today, that dude was on fire last night.

Tommmcatt_Again October 12, 2012 at 11:27 am

Ah, Flava Flav! Citizen-poet of a more innocent age, we salute you!

weejee October 12, 2012 at 11:27 am

OT

Rmoney has landed the anorexic endorsement hat trick; Coulter, Palin, and now Lindsay Lohan.

mrblifil October 12, 2012 at 11:30 am

I hope this doesn't only apply to ladeez with legitimate breasts.

Crank_Tango October 12, 2012 at 11:30 am

Git down for the Prophets of Rage!

UnholyMoses October 12, 2012 at 11:31 am

I'll just leave this right here.

Sample a look back you look and find
Nothing but rednecks for four hundred years if you check
Don’t worry be happy was a number one jam
Damn, if I say it you can slap me right here

widestanceromance October 12, 2012 at 11:38 am

With legitimate cancer, breasts have a way of just shutting that whole thing down.

DahBoner October 12, 2012 at 11:57 am

powHER?

What about the Moob cancer survivors?

shelwood46 October 12, 2012 at 1:18 pm

An iPad3 and a Nook? Kind of reassuring that they don't support Amazon, despite the fact that Amazon sent me a "recommendation" email that recommended to me 10 different anti-Obama bumper stickers based on absolutely nothing I'd ever purchased (I don't even have a car, and I steal all my Kindle books so I've never bought a conservative book.). I complained, twice, but just got back two confused emails from customer service reps in India. But if the NFIB hates Amazon, I guess I can still buy stuff from them.

punkneverdies October 12, 2012 at 4:06 pm

This horrible rag was usually in the pile of terlet readin' at one of my previous jobs. I would have used it for toilet paper but it was too glossy.

editor October 12, 2012 at 10:12 pm

"business people against breast cancer."

that's like boy scouts against ballroom dancing.
or mustache-wearers against littering.
or life coaches against chicken wings.

i suppose we all have to have a cause.

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