Man, it is like you cannot even tenderly explain that “some girls, they rape so easy” without everyone making a FEDERAL CASE OUT OF IT. Paul Ryan is the latest fair-weather friend to drop an endorsement of poor misunderstood Wisconsin Rep. Roger Rivard, just for explaining his own father’s nuanced words of wisdom about how there may be hazy, ambiguous times when there is miscommunication about consent chicks will pretty much lie you to prison. We, as feminists in good standing, are happy to stipulate that in fact a girl lying about rape is possible, and in fact has happened at some points in history and in great literature! When we were explaining to our son about rape, though, we forgot to advise him to watch out lest bitchez accuse him of it some day, and just told him he was not to do it. So that is probably why it seems weird to us that by Rivard’s account his father didn’t seem too terribly concerned with making sure his son didn’t, say, actually rape people, but instead was being all like Kantian and/or postmodern about perception and stuff!

“What the whole genesis of it was, it was advice to me, telling me, ‘If you’re going to go down that road, you may have consensual sex that night and then the next morning it may be rape.’ So the way he said it was, ‘Just remember, Roger, some girls, they rape so easy. It may be rape the next morning,'” Rivard told the Journal Sentinel.

But let us get to the important question: Should you give an opinion on rape? Let’s explore the answer in a safe place, after the jump!

  • Are you planning on running for office, or currently an officeholder?
  • Are you a man?
  • Are you a member of a party that has tried to weaken laws regarding violence against women?
  • Are you now or have you ever been in a fraternity? If so, did your frat ever get kicked off campus for throwing a We Saw, We Conquered, We Came party?
  • Do you believe rape is only rape if the raper was a black man and the rapee was in possession of a chiffarobe?
  • Is your opinion on rape anything other than “Don’t rape”? Is it a little more “nuanced”?

Then no, probably don’t give an opinion on rape.

[JSOnline, via DailyKos]

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  • All of 'em…ah, fuck it.

    • SnarkOff

      Hitler? Oh…wait…wrong meme.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    "Should you give an opinion on rape?"

    …Have you ever shouted "No means yes. Yes means anal."?

    "Then no, probably don’t give an opinion on rape."

    • Hasn't *every*body?

      Why are you Laydeez looking at me like that?

    • luckismine

      And no reply at all generally means that the girl's been roofied and has a dick in her near comatose mouth.

  • Not_So_Much

    "Son, you don't wanna be around when them Roofies wear off."

  • Beowoof

    I have an opinion on the punishment for rape. Repeated kicking in the balls until raping again is not an option. Of course I mean those kicks should be with votes.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Yes, very sharp and pointed votes.

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        And dull, rusty scissors. Of votes.

    • Or boots. I'm not averse to steel-toed workmen's boots.

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    ‘Just remember, Roger, some girls, they rape so easy.’

    Worst Eagles lyrics ever.

    • I was thinking of Rod Stewart or the Rolling Stones, but this is better. :)

      • HouseOfTheBlueLights

        Or Neil Young. At any rate, Neil Young has to sing it.

    • emmelemm

      And that's really saying something.

  • We have a male cat that repeatedly is caught trying to rape male rescue kittens.

    Is this legitimate or not?

    • Priest cat?

    • cousinitt

      Marcus Bachmann can like, totally help turn your kitty around to only violating female rescue kittens.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      bad kitteh!

    • Geminisunmars

      "Is this legitimate or not?"

      I don't know, jz. They don't get pregnant, so it must be legit.

      • Funny, that's what Father Aloysius used to say.

    • Pat_Pending

      Ours did the same thing with a rescue kitten. We started referring to him as 'Creepy Uncle Stiggy.' And the rescue kitten is now a very angry adult cat. (No, he doesn't live with us, that would be really weird.)

  • AncienReggie

    I learned my lesson. I will never again bust up a chiffarobe.

  • PhilippePetain

    "Well son, let me tell you how I got through life being an insufferable prick…"

  • Boojum

    OK, I was in a fraternity, but the experience — not personal, mind you — has informed my views on rape in a GOOD way.

  • C_R_Eature

    I have an opinion on Tentacle Rape.

    • Boojum

      For or against?

      • C_R_Eature

        Depends on the Tentacle.

    • Doesn't it depend on whether you've had your cephalopod vaccination?

    • Whee! Let's hear it!!

    • CommieLibunatic

      Just once- okay, scratch that, maybe many more times than just once- I'd like to see the tentacles without the rape part. Wouldn't that be awesome? Or is female consent and eagerness ickier than frisky flagella?

      • I think the latter.

        Although from English translations of Japanese erotica/literature it appears that consent is not quite the scary and the laydeez have a good time with teh sex.

  • LibertyLover

    In addition:

    Flirting with you does not mean she gives consent.

    Buying women a drink does not mean she gives consent.

    Dropping a roofie in her drink does not mean she gives consent.

    Just because she kisses you does not mean she gives consent.

    Just because she is drunk does not mean she gives consent.

    Just because she wears "slutty" clothes does not mean she gives consent.

    Just because she is walking alone does not mean she gives consent.

    Just because she is wearing Fuck me pumps does not mean she gives consent.

    • Boojum

      But if she does all of those things, then … she might actually go out on a date with you IF YOU ASK FUCK WIT!!!

      Oh, wait, I totally missed the roofies in teh drink thing. No, the date is not likely.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Also, if she is playing pinball, that does not mean she gives consent.

      • Boojum

        Wait, what?

        • Geminisunmars

          Ask Jodie Foster.

          • Exhausted66

            Worst date movie ever.

          • The Color Purple being a close second.

    • Geminisunmars

      So — just how are you supposed to tell if she gives consent?

      • I usually rely on the whispered, urgent pleas of "Yes, yes, ohmyGHOD YES! DO ME NOW, DARLING, PLEEEEEEZ."

        By which time consent isn't much of an issue anyway since she's probably got you pinned between her muscular thighs as she rips your clothing apart with teeth and claws.

        • Geminisunmars

          Oh, my…tpc, you sure do give me the vapors. (Nice to see you, sweetie.)

          • Hello, dearest Gem. Glad I gave you *some*thing nice, sweet lady.

        • Callyson

          Wait, that was you looking through my bedroom window the other night?

          • You *promised* you wouldn't tell. (Eyes Callyson reproachfully)
            (Makes BIG SAD DOGGY EYES at Callyson)

            Don't make me pull out the big guns.

        • Angry_Marmot

          I'll be in my bunk (with votes).

    • JustPixelz

      Just because she's standing in line at the abortionplex* does not mean she gives consent.
      * Just kidding. There is no line at the abortionplex! "The efficiency of capitalism with the low cost of the postal service" is their motto.

    • Karma_Suture

      Another way to abort attempted rape.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Earth Girls Rape Easy

    • emmelemm


      (And that's how you got to be a real Wonkette writer!)

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    ‘If you’re going to go down that road, you may have consensual sex that night and then the next morning it may be rape.’

    Translation: "Lady brains and lady parts How do they work?"

  • Barbara_

    They should have a photo ID where we have to check a box "yes" or "no" to being raped. Kinda like organ donation.

    • JustPixelz

      hee hee. you said "organ". hee hee you said "box".

  • It's a convict's first day in prison; he's a young convict and here's there crying. An older convict sits down and goes, 'Look, calm down, prison's not such a bad place. Like, for instance, do you like movies?' And he goes, 'Yeah I like movies.' He goes, 'Every Monday we show a movie on the screen, first run movie.' He goes, 'That's great.' He goes, 'And you like baseball?' He goes, 'Yeah.' 'Every Tuesday we arrange a baseball game.' He goes, 'That's terrific.' And he goes, 'You like Italian food?' And he goes, 'Yeah I love Italian food.' He goes, 'In the cafeteria on Wednesday, it's all Italian food. Let me ask you one more thing. Are you a homosexual?' And he goes, 'No.' He goes, 'Eh, you're not going to like Thursday.'

    • doloras

      Good point. Men being ass-raped in jail is HI-FREAKIN'-LARIOUS COMEDY GOLD.

  • "The old ways are the best ways." Unless of course tradition is your only justification for maintaining a medieval and subhuman level of crassness that would probably get you kicked out of most biker bars, in which case maybe the old ways just sucked.

  • vodkamuppet

    It can be more nuanced than that though. I mean, if she's legitamitly hammered, like, really fucked up, then she was begging for it, amirite? Heh?

    Please don't ban me.

    • (Hugs vodkamuppet)

      Don't be silly.

  • owhatever

    It haz to be "forcible" rape, bitches. If you haven't tied them down with duct tape and beaten them silly, it don't count, because they wore clothes and were attractive, thereby tricking you into getting a boner.

  • edgydrifter

    I don't think rape was what the Commodores had in mind when they sang Easy.

  • No. No means no.

    • vodkamuppet

      What about "no no no"?

      • Boojum

        Or Na Na Na Na, Na Na Na Na, say hey, goodbye?

        • vodkamuppet

          I hear that one a lot and that usually does mean no.

    • When I was a sprout it ran thusly:

      If a laydee sez "No," she means "Maybe." If she says "Maybe," she means "Yes." And if she sez "Yes," she ain't no lady. (Which means it's OK to rape her, it's not legitimate rape, and it doesn't count.)

    • Joe means no.
      When Joe says no.

  • emmelemm

    Easy peasy.

  • Doktor Zoom

    I know I've posted this before, but one more time, here are some absolutely foolproof rape prevention tips from the "Can You Relate" website:

    1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.

    2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.

    3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her.

    4. If you are in an elevator and a woman gets in, don’t rape her.

    5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her.

    6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her.

    7. Remember, people go to the laundry room to do their laundry. Do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

    8. Use the Buddy System! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you at all times.

    9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to rape someone, blow the whistle until someone comes to stop you.

    10. Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you expect to be raping her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.

    Also, too, a weird twist: A Cornell Professor showed this list in a class, but apparently the satirical intent was lost on some students, who appeared to think it was hilarious (?) or thought the professor was trying to laugh off two recent rapes on campus. (My impression was that he was trying to get students to recognize that all the blame and responsibility goes on the perpetrators, but it appears that message got lost in the actual classroom.. damned if I can really tell from that unclear student newspaper article…)

    • Boojum

      This is my take on sexual harassment by company owners, too. Guy! You knew you couldn't be trusted! Why did you let yourself supervise people?

  • BlueStateLibel

    Our friendly Republican Party – obsessed with rape and murder – has truly become the Party of Hate.

    • Rape, murder — and jobs! Their primary focus is on jobs. And uteruses.

  • Pragmatist2

    Just when you think that Republicans could not get any dumber, they show you they can. It's like Lucy pulling out the football.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    This is nothing. America under a Mitt Romney Presidency will be a playground for these cockroaches.

  • Is the late Roman Empire custom of aging wine in lead-lined barrels making a comeback in GOP households?

    • You DO kinda have to wonder, don't you, weej? It's a fucking epidemic of stupid, by god.

      • Yeppers. Here is a wonderful bit on how to get cooking with lead to give one and all the saturnine gout.

        • Thanks, weej! I love it already, and I've barely read the first two lines.

    • FeloniousMonk

      Possibly they're eating from badly-soldered cans, like Franklin's gallant crew. Look out for the Republican Study Committee dragging a lifeboat filled with silk panties, copies of Atlas Shrugged and crates of tea down the Mall.

  • calliecallie

    Throughout the Journal Sentinal article, various Republican say things like "anyone who has been a victim of rape would be offended by these comments."

    Really, ANYONE would be offended by these comments. They JUST DON'T GET IT.

  • gullywompr

    I'm starting to think that the GOP doesn't understand what women want very well.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Since when have they cared what women want? Their attitude is; "Look, honey. I'll tell you what you want. And what you want is to get in the kitchen and make me a sammich."

    • CommieLibunatic

      Word. They make me feel like the smoothest dude in our entire fair world.

  • chascates

    No means no, dumb fucks.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Wow, another one of how many dozen Republican elected officials has piled onto this misogyny train? Gee, you'd almost think there was no leadership at the top of the party to put a firm and decisive stop to it.

  • MinAgain

    I am reminded of an old joke about a man who went to church while his wife stayed home sick. When he got home, she asked him, "What did the preacher preach about today?" The man said, "Sin." So the wife asked, 'Well, what did he say about sin?" And the man replied, "He was against it."

    Rape. Personally, I'm against it.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Some pols, they snark so easy. But not this one. This is just disturbing.

  • rickmaci

    Well, I guess we now have a better sense of what the phrase "getting laid" means to a RepubliCon male.

  • BarackMyWorld

    In other news, it seems Akin is closing the lead McCaskill has on him.

  • BeccaLou, I bet the problem was you weren't explaining it tenderly *enough.*

    Yup. I'll bet.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    "Should you give an opinion on rape?… Are you a man?"

    I know what you are doing here Editrix, but if I may speak for my fellow, non-rapey, penile-afflicted brethren, the vast majority of us do have an opinion on rape and it is as follows:

    Any cowardly piece of shit who commits this evil act should have his junk forcibly removed from his body. The junk then should be thrown in a blender and liquified, then forced down the rapist's throat all while said rapist is being raped with a tire iron and/or broken bottle.

    Of votes.

  • Antispandex

    Well, never having had the misfortune to be a girl, or woman, of course the Teapublican male is a bit afraid he will be misjudged by the people who find him to be, shall we say, repulsive? Let's examine the facts! 1.) Most of these people look and act like a certain radio host they are wont to listen to. 2.) Getting some, under these circustances, can't be easy. 3.) Many Teapublican females look, or act, like Ms. Coulter. Sure it's going to make you a little rapey! So, you're right. Mums the word! Nothing good can come of it.

  • Rotundo_

    The filters that most folks have in normal conversation seem to be completely absent in these yahoos. If you are in a public role, shouldn't you think about how something like this will play with half (slightly more, actually) of the world? That their moral compasses are completely absent isn't as surprising as their stupidity/naivete/gall/insanity or whatever it is that allows them to make such utter and complete asses of themselves. Did he think this would be some sort of folksy, homespun bit of commentary against feminism? Obviously he didn't think but dayumm, how fucked up do you have to be to say something like this and not expect huge reactions from a lot of people in the reality based community?

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Did Rivard's dad rape someone?

    • Must've. Sounds like the voice of experience, no?

  • Gleem McShineys

    Republican males apparently determine consent by asking themselves, and their penises, "Rape, up or down vote!" They both vote FOR rape, and therefore, this overrides the woman's vote.


  • Callyson

    Oh, for fuck's sake.

    Maybe I should rephrase that…

  • ttommyunger

    "Murder, Arson, Robbery, Rape, Cattle Rustling and Rape…." "You said Rape, twice…." "I like Rape."

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      R.I.P. Alex Karras.

      • ttommyunger

        Me love Mongo, and me straight.

      • MosesInvests

        Mongo only pawn in game of life.

  • poorgradstudent

    You'd think by this point the Republican leadership would have issued orders not to ever, ever talk about rape, like how you have to gently ask your elderly parents not to talk about the queers or the coloreds around your date.

  • glamourdammerung

    I remember when it was not controversial to suggest that rape was inappropriate.

  • Come here a minute

    If a black man is caught busting up a bureau, it's rape.

    • Cleos_Mom

      I recently went to a screening of "To Kill a Mockingbird" and re-read the book. Mayella Ewell in that clip might be fairly representative of a woman who;d have a reason to lie about rape: she comes from a white-trash, poverty-ridden background (the family lives next door to the County dump) where only two people in the family even know how to read and write; the father is an inbred psycho who (the book suggests) has molested her and she knows perfectly well that she'll probably be beaten to a pulp by Daddy if she doesn't say what he wants.

      However, that frat-boy "she says no but means yes" dies hard. More of it should die in prison.

  • Woodshedding

    New etiquette: If you're a Republican, you shouldn't have an opinion about ANYTHING.

  • UnholyMoses

    "Are you now or have you ever been in a fraternity?"


    "If so, did your frat ever get kicked off campus for throwing a We Saw, We Conquered, We Came party?"

    No.They got kicked off for having a keg at a party, plus about a pound of weed in the house.

    (Imagine if the Delta Tau Chi's from Animal House and the Lambda Lambda Lambda's from Revenge of the Nerds got together, and that was my fraternity. Hell, we cut one guy for grabbing a girl's ass at a party, even tho he was an officer of the chapter. We didn't tolerate that shit. At. All. Honestly, we were good guys.)

  • Brock Peters RULES.

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