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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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Hola wonkerados.

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269 comments

          1. Mahousu

            In the same way it runs all the way anywhere.

            In other words, you have a 50/50 chance of actually making it. But it's a fun trip if you don't care when or if you arrive.

        1. Pragmatist2

          Does passing out count as a nap? I'm a senior citizen and these things are not as clear as they used to be.

    1. rocktonsam

      what time does thing start tonight? I got to get to bed early and not go to work in the morning

  1. actor212

    I'm worried that, if you all start drunk blogging during Biden's debate, all manners of perversion will break out.

    Wait. What's the opposite of "worried"? Not worried, hoping.

  2. Baconzgood

    I can't watch the debate. The Steelers are playing tonight. Priorities people! I also have to buy shoe polish and smokes.

      1. Baconzgood

        No hobo beans for Baconz. Start my new jerb Monday. This means I wont have as much time to wonk off. (*Sniffle*). But it pays almost 25% more. So I have to actually do work and not show up drunk after lunch…not until I put in a few years there.

        1. MittBorg

          Yay, we has a rich Baconz! Don't forget to throw some $$ at ActBlue For Teh Cuntry, dood. I'll miss you in the daytime. But I'll probably actually get to see you more if you check in in the evenings, which is usually when I check in (your time) anyway.

        2. Jus_Wonderin

          "So I have to actually do work and not show up drunk after lunch…not until I put in a few years there."

          Tenure/Seniority does have its advantages. I have been here long enough I can be drunk all afternoon. I just have to make sure I sober up before I drive to the Liquor Store.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Go get yer shine box. Can Joe beat down Ryan any worse than the Steelers are going to beat down the Flaming Thumbtacks?

      1. Baconzgood

        I'm not sure what that means but I'm going to take it as you saying that the STILLERS ARE GONNA KICK ASS WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YINZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        1. GregComlish

          I am judging your pole smoking abilities.

          Performance: satisfactory
          Attitude: satisfactory
          Neatness: needs improvement

    2. Callyson

      Bummer…I've got a buddy who is TiVo'ing the game so I'll catch it after the debate. GO STEELERS!

    3. deanbooth

      And, since I'm a tivoer, may I ask that no one mention scores tonight. Since it's the Steelers, I won't be able to read balloon juice until I'm finished.

      1. GunToting[Redacted]

        Ben Rothl Roethl Rothlisbeu The Steelers QB just got a 15 yard penalty for attempted rape.

    4. LePiston

      We have a classy tv on top of tv set up in our living room. Geaux Aze!!!!! My boyfriend is going to have to deal with no volume on his set for the game.

      1. T3rbo

        He will actually flex and kiss his biceps, Hulk Hogan style. And then he will nail his friends wife, on the internet. Hulk Hogan style.

    1. StillGoinGreen

      I'll bet he jumps from a tall light stand, loses his feather, then hears from Mittens that it was never magic, then flaps his ears and flies around the room – giving hope to all the the boys and girls of the world. Either that, or lies his fucking face off.

  3. BaldarTFlagass

    I'd rather stick hot knitting needles in my eyes and ears than listen to that screechy harpy.

      1. T3rbo

        Uh, no. That will be the best part. Because Ayn Rand was insane and had a very, uh, interesting philosophy. I would love for that harpy to start quoting her nonsense

        The moral cannibalism of all hedonist and altruist doctrines lies in the premise that the happiness of one man necessitates the injury of another=what the fuck?

        1. MittBorg

          Why? WHY did you have to remind me?

          I was FORCED to watch that once, on an exceedingly long and boring flight. It was either that or stab my eyes out with a leaky rollerball.

  4. FakaktaSouth

    Oh my goodness, here we go. I don't WANT Paul Ryan to wink, I want him to throw up on himself, then stone cold faint out, something befitting the dignity of his policies. And I want Joe to laugh at him while rubbing his ball sack on Paul's forehead chanting "you will not kill medicare you son of a bitch." See Chet? My expectations aren't too high?

      1. Boojum

        I don't know, but now I wish I believed in the power of prayer, because a beneficent God would make this happen.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      I don't WANT Paul Ryan to wink, I want him to throw up on himself, then stone cold faint out. .. And I want Joe to laugh at him while rubbing his ball sack on Paul's forehead

      Awright where is the "Fall in love with FakaktaSouth all over again" thread — because I just did, I think… even though I'm straight… not to mention spoken for.. *checks watch* still at work so not drunk yet..
      SING IT, sister! and Amen.

      1. prommie

        Oh hell, I fall in love with her all over again daily. She's a stone genius, on top of all else and such. Hilarious.

    2. prommie

      Oh hell if he does the laying on of nutsack on that marathon liar, then there has to be some more than just more momentous celebratory form of toasting we will have to come up with, I mean for our debate "drinking" game. More, just more.

    3. prommie

      Honey you left out pissing his pants, shitting the bed, and the best of all, you know he's gonna throw some kind of affronted whiny little man temper tantrum out there and Joe is gonna goad him on and taunt him just by smiling that big old Handsome Joe condescending smile. Man I hates some whiny little man temper tantrums, but the good thing about them is they reveal the shitheadedness of their thrower to one and all at last.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        All I can hope is that Paul tells us all what his "really hard to explain with math" numbers are in some newer stupider contentious way and that Joe tells him to stop acting like it's such a big fucking deal to be honest and just admit the fucking truth about for whom he makes his terrible, horrible, no good, very bad policies. For ONCE.

        1. prommie

          I'm telling ya, there will be mention of his marathon time, and all the mountains he's climbed too.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            We're hoping it's OHJoe that brings it up, natch. We want for him to ask him if his medicare policy is as phoney and made up out of whole cloth as his running times or some such tacky thing. We want blood and sputtering and embarrassment. Because, Fuck Paul Ryan.

          2. MittBorg

            OHJoe sounds SOOO sexxxay! Especially when you say it in that gin-laden tone of voice.

            I love when you talk dirty to me, girl. Blood and sputtering? I dream!

    4. mrpuma2u

      That gets my vote for comment of the day. The muse was upon you, sister. 7,002 virtual upfists to you.

  5. Doktor Zoom

    I have to work tonight, dammit. Lousy stoopid divorcing people and their lousy stoopid mandatory "how to co-parent without fucking up your children more than you already have" class. (If the nanny state didn't interfere so much in citizens' lives, I could be free to read the liveblog tonight…)

    1. mrpuma2u

      I feel your pain. Had to do that crap when my first marriage busted up. At least your ex-wife hasn't accused you of child abuse (yet).

      1. MittBorg

        I think Dok and the ex-Mrs. Dok are friends, and co-conspirators in the loving raising of Kid Dok.

        Which is as it should be.

        I'm very sorry you had a nasty experience in that regard.

      2. Doktor Zoom

        Yes, as Mittborg notes, I've mentioned elsewhere that my own divorce was peachy. I But I have to *work* the friggin' class tonight and help people with paperwork, possibly iron out details of their parenting plans.

        See, if I had made the right choices and been an investment banker, I could just stay home and watch the debate with my money.

    2. prommie

      We should form a wonkette sub-group, we could call ourselves "divorced from reality" or some shit.

      1. fuflans

        HA! my ex husband's second wife (i was the first and we had no kids) did that to him.

        he was a total pain in the ass but no child molester.

        1. MittBorg

          Suddenly, I feel like, stupid and clueless as I've been most of my long life, I have been one of the luckiest people in the world. I'm still quite close to nearly all my ex-partners, although we don't necessarily spend time with each other any more.

          How awful to be accused of such a heinous crime by the person who ought to love you best and have your interests at heart.

          1. mrpuma2u

            Thanks, I appreciate that, truly. The experience did in fact suck Beluga whales. I survived, but my relationship with the ex did not. It's still a hair away from daggers drawn. Marriage 2.0 is going much better.

          2. fuflans

            me TOO! close to all my ex's! i know about my ex husband b/c he came to me for help. we actually talk a fair amount and he's helped me out (and mr. fuflans – partner of 15 years) and i've helped him.

            his second wife was psychotic and rich and utterly vindictive. she totally ruined him (financially, reputation-ally, left him with an under-water million dollar property), though he IS bouncing back.

            i would so hate that. though i imagine it can be hard to avoid in many cases.

      2. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        Reality was emotionally abusing me so reality and I divorced a long time ago. Since then I have taken out numerous restraining orders against it.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    Dammit, one of the reasons I voted [edit: in 2008] was so I'd never have to see another Sarah Palin debate. Besides, I've got Jeopardy to watch and then litterboxes to clean out, and then probably dinner because drinking 1.5 liters of Chardonnay on an empty stomach would be a bad idea.

    For tonight I'm just hoping Paul Ryan finally ditches his electric razor or just learns how to shave. His preternaturally pale face with its permanent five-o'clock shadow doesn't mean boyish enthusiasm so much as a 19-year-old on his first job interview. The fact that his inability to add makes him "the serious one" just makes me crave seeing him suffer a beat-down of historic proportions all the more.

        1. mrpuma2u

          Something marginally good for you? pshaw…
          Due to budgetary restrictions I will most likely be imbibing Diet Dr. Pepper with rum, which I have dubbed "Dr's Orders"

          1. SayItWithWookies

            They're also ridiculously hot and go well with white wine, whereas Diet Dr. Pepper tastes like licking a children's playground set doused in cough medicine and goes well with spinal meningitis.

          2. GunToting[Redacted]

            EEEK. Bulleit libel! That stuff is too good for anything other than a couple of rocks.

      1. MittBorg

        I'd settle for scouring powder. And the 12" special with the enormous girth, from Good Vibrations. Paul would look SO good in black leather restraints, don't you think? With silver studs?

        1. BaldarTFlagass

          Oooh, maybe a (symbolic) beatdown with a 15" black rubber double-ended dildo, like Harry the Hatchet in Lock Stock & 2 Smoking Barrels. That'd be cool.

  7. BaldarTFlagass

    Joe: Congressman, I served with Eddie Munster, I knew Eddie Munster, Eddie Munster was a friend of mine. Congressman, you're no Eddie Munster.

        1. T3rbo

          he's one of those people that is likable with sleeves, but once he wears a shirt with short sleeves or no sleeves, you know you will not like the guy. I have no idea what it is. I hate Paul Ryan's arms.

          1. MittBorg

            Oh, no, cher. The *lures* that lead us into sin can be very attractive. Sin itself (as defined as violence against any living thing) is not.

            But that's my opinionated old cranky opinion, and how DO you do?

          2. mille derps

            Gluttony, sloth, lust?

            But I grew up without any Christian blathering about sin, so I don't really take the concept too seriously. My morality doesn't involve notions of 'sin', but has more to do with reasoning about right & wrong…

            I'm doing just fine- my sweetie just went to get us some take-out Thai food- yum!

            How about you?

          3. MittBorg

            I come from a different religious tradition. Sin is that which causes suffering, either to oneself or to other living beings. Outside of that there is no sin. Thus, sloth is only sinful if such sloth causes one to neglect minor children or a needy spouse/parent. Under the right circumstances sloth can be divine (see, e.g., Valmiki, legend of).

            While looking for things to ease my pain, I came across a fine, forgotten stash of something reddish-purple, that goes by the name of Lucid Dream. My, but it's fine. Though I wish the debate would start.

  8. MittBorg

    Hey, wow, BossLady, you sure are getting crabby. Don't worry, BeccaLou. Old Handsome Joe Biden still loves you, you know that! Watch him piss all over Ryan tonight. And then wipe his dick in that hair.

  9. T3rbo

    Yeah, it's not going to be this cute. Remember how everyone was talking about how Biden couldn't be condescending or too mean, as Palin was a woman? Paul Ryan is not a woman, so Biden can go after the guy, and he will. If he can.
    The question is, will Ryan tell the truth or not? Is Biden prepared to deal with Romney Plan A (moderate) or Romney Plan B (Tea Party), or a combination of both? Will there be a Romney Plan C, with totally new made up and undocumented details, that Biden is unprepared for?

    1. fuflans

      i remember it also as: he couldn't be too mean b/c she was too 'inexperienced' (read: dumb).

      no such limitations here. however, i do NOT think this will be easy.

      i hope i'm wrong.

      1. T3rbo

        I think Ryan will just try to keep the Biden from flaring up. They must expect Joe to go on the offensive, so they probably prepped Ryan to just repeat the same bullshit talking points over and over again and run out the clock. It'll be like Rocky, but less entertaining, and I bet the media is going to spin a Ryan non-loss in to a victory,in order to keep the narrative compelling. I don't remember the dominant media meme from the Palin debate at all?

    2. synykyl

      … The question is, will Ryan tell the truth or not? …

      I'm going to go out on a limb here and predict that Ryan will not tell the truth.

      1. T3rbo

        Sure, he is going to tell his version of the truth. The media will not pay attention to the fact that the truth keeps changing, but is that really the most important thing in the debate? You and I may think that the truth is some kind of constant, but that's why we are only tangentially involved in these debates and not on television. The question is, who will have the better abs in the debate?

    1. T3rbo

      To be fair, Ryan bases his ideology on a NOVEL. In middle school, I didn't read Stephen King's Pet Cemetery and dedicate my life to making sure people stopped building cemeteries on top of sacred native burial grounds, but here we are.

      I am a man who does not exist for others-The Fountainhead

      1. T3rbo

        On the other hand, Biden should just speak in Ayn Rand quotes and relate them to W's deficit running war mongering party of values, it will completely confuse Ryan
        On the economic crisis:
        Look around you: what you have done to society, you have done it first within your soul; one is the image of the other. This dismal wreckage, which is now your world, is the physical form of the treason you committed to your values, to your friends, to your defenders, to your future, to your country, to yourself-Atlas Shrugged

        1. LibertyLover

          Now, THAT would be a debate worth watching. I look forward to that in the rematch in 2016 of Ryan vs Biden for the top spot.

  10. coolhandnuke

    Hoping Joe wears Harry Reid's boxing gloves and Ryan slips on Mitt's fudge-packing gloves for tonight's bout.

  11. DemonicRage

    Queen Latifa is a mega-talent. Someone should offer her a starring role in a fine made-for-tv movie, like "Fried Green Magnolias!"

  12. bonghitforjesus

    So I checked out the AARP article on Paul Ryan- apparently, he "often fingers a rosary." Heh.

      1. bonghitforjesus

        Check the "From around the web" box between the story and the comments: 15 Things you didn't know about Paul Ryan..

  13. MittBorg

    I gave it my best, Editrix. I cannot listen to that whiny cunt. There is no incentive great enough to make me sit through that facile, shallow, superficial, lying BIMBO's blather. I'm sorry.

  14. UnholyMoses

    As someone who can't drink and doesn't know where to get a nice dime bag here in KC, I'll be doing ANYTHING other than watching the debate.

    Well, almost anything. Still can't self pleasure thanks to that rather-large-woman-with-front-butt-vomiting-everywhere pic from yesterday. But other than that …

  15. prommie

    Now Ahem but I do have this prediction to make about our Old Handsome Joe tonight. Old Handsome Joe is gonna show, to those who need showing, that OLD GUYS RULE!

    You just know that the order has been given, especially after the first Obama debate; Release The Biden!

    1. widestanceromance

      Do you think Benincasa rubbed off on her (cue all the straight male Wonkers spontaneously "peaking")?

  16. fuflans

    i hope you all are correct. i of course, am worried and rather scarred after this last hellish week.

    and i do not think ryan will be a walk in the park.

    i sincerely hope i'm very wrong.

    now i'm going to pull weeds out of my failed state of a garden to relieve stress.

  17. Baconzgood

    Unrelated to this post.

    Baconz's sure gonna miss the Wonketters. Tomorrow is my last day of slack at work. The Bob Dobbs philosophy has gotten me pretty far with this clients and my company. But alas, all good things must come to an end. I find not being on Wonkette difficult to masterbate to. The new jerb is probally gonna make me work for my money like a common serf that's expected to do things other than snark and drink gin durring my down time at work. Iz haz teh sadz. It took me years to scare the shit out of other coworkers. They wouldn't snitch on me for fear of retaliation (like putting dead birds randomly in thier office, down loading then e-mailing bizarre Dutch pornography to everyone in the building from their terminal, or setting fire to a jelly jar full of oregano in thier office-to make it smell like bong hits- while they were at lunch.)

    I've snarked and pranked in the office things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to take a new jerb.

      1. Baconzgood

        Trust me actor. I'm gonna be SHIT FACED tomorrow at work. I may, or may not get any sleep tonight. Really tie one on and then come into work with my church pants (because they are holey) and my tee-shirt that sais "FUCK YOU!!! I'M WITH THE BAND" or the other one that sais "BIG TITS NEVER HURT ANYONE. DAYTOA BEACH SPRING BREAK '85"

        1. MittBorg

          Just make sure your dick ain't hangin' outa any of them holes in your pants, or you;ll be in a jail cell come Monday. No, it's none of yer business how I would know.

        2. Isyaignert

          A friend told me someone showed up at work with a tee that said "Turn up the juke and boogie 'till you puke."

    1. Mumbletypeg

      …At least save me one, last, good misspelling/ double-entendre of somethin' (I think you know which word will do the trick), tomorrow. For old times sake? *sniff*…

      1. Baconzgood

        You can but it's like kissing your sister. You gotta snark on page one to get the peeness up. You fist me yo so I can walk away with my peeness up as high as it can go. I've been at 129p for a long time. I think I need ZyGain.

    2. UnholyMoses

      "setting fire to a jelly jar full of oregano in thier office-to make it smell like bong hits- while they were at lunch.)"

      I have great interest! Perhaps you have a newsletter or website?

      (More honestly: Good luck at the new job! And here's to hoping that their Internet monitoring software sucks balls.)

  18. LibertyLover

    Cards vs. Nationals, O's vs Yanks, Steelers vs somebody, Biden vs somebody…. and I have to be somewhere during the live stuff. Which means that I will miss all of the pregame stuff on MSNBC and/or the wailing/gnashing of teeth/rending of clothing (or the celebratory high fives) post game….

    Tip one back for me, guys.

      1. StillGoinGreen

        As a Tx Rangers fan, I say:

        Baltimore – fuck you, Yankees – fuck you, series at: who gives a shit
        Nats – 3 Cards – Fuck you, series at, again, who gives a shit
        Steelers win in a rout

        Now, go watch Joe Joe fuck up that little puke!

        1. LibertyLover

          Bitterness is a color that does NOT look good on you.

          I grew up in Texas until I traded the perpetually losing Rangers for the perpetual losing Mariners. Then moved to Arizona the year after they won the World Series and they proceeded to suck. At least the Rangers made it all the way to the end a couple of times, I'm still waiting for the M's to do the same…

          I take comfort in the fact that at least I'm not a Mets fan….

        2. DemmeFatale

          I always want Texas to lose (sorry, Green), mostly because I imagine that a loss gives W the sadz.

          As a Yankees fan, I can relate though, because seeing Rudy and Judy at the games makes me want to throw up. (But Derek's sweet little butt always makes up for that!)

          1. StillGoinGreen

            The 2 main jokes around here right now are:

            (1) You know why Fort Worth doesn't have a pro football team? Because Dallas would want one too!

            (2) Why does the Ballpark in Arlington only serve boneless Buffalo wings? Because the Rangers are afraid they might choke!

    1. T3rbo

      I'll summarize the debate for you:

      Ryan, opening speech: WE MUST CUT TAXES IN ORDER TO FUND OUR SCHOOLS!

      Biden opening speech: We must fund our schools in order to fund our schools

      Ryan: Obama is a black

      Biden: Obama is black, and a woman at heart

      Ryan: We must save social security and Medicare by destroying it

      Biden: Kids today…

      Ryan: Everything that I was for while in congress, I was against, because, Obama

      Biden: You have no shame, sir

      Ryan: You have no shame, look how you ruined the economy, with your mortgage crisis, and your Iraq War, which we should never have ended!

      Biden: We are killing the Quedas as hard as we can, all day long…

      Ryan, closing speech: Ladies and gentlemen, why are you not at work right now?

      Biden, closing speech: My fellow Americans, I am sorry for all of the blood and eye gouges. I am sorry you had to see that…

  19. StillGoinGreen

    Watching the Joe Joe/Snowcunt debate again reminds me of a time when I was a fat, balding white guy who drank way too much and worked at a dead-end job… well, so much for the changey part so far, but I still believe in the hopey part! Hey, it's 4 years later and I can now buy Bud Light instead of Natty Light, so – there is change after all!!

  20. cognachas4paws

    Just saw on the news that Paul Ryan wants to be referred to as Mr. Ryan during the debate – he doesn't want to be called Congressman so he isn't associated with our current Congress, of which he is a card-carrying member, on account of their bad approval rating. What a wuss.

    1. T3rbo

      I want to be regarded as "your majesty," but it ain't gonna happen. I wonder if Biden honors the honorable Congressman's wishes?

      1. cognachas4paws

        The answer to that would be "no" because he has no shame, which would, coincidentally, be the first and only time Ryan has told the truth during this campaign.

    2. mrblifil

      Might I suggest instead of Mr. Ryan: "Frank Fallopian the Flim-Flam Flying Fuckwad?" This would prevent people from associating Congressman Ryan in ways he hopes to avoid.

    1. actor212

      A quote from Biden's opening statement:

      The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests – we did.

  21. mrblifil

    Watching the debate would involve consciously accepting Paul Ryan into my field of view and area of consciousness. This is a thing I cannot allow to have happen. But I will be following the quips and yuks.

  22. MistaEko

    OT (but so is this post and I figure this is as effective of an audience as any ):

    Does anyone have thoughts regarding working on the Hill? Highs, lows, what you actually do all day even though you'll write "issue research and analysis" on your resume? Is it an avenue to consider if and only if one is ____?

    Your wisdom and sarcasm is kindly appreciated.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      Just piping in to say "Good luck." I think you are still on the job hunt? And relocating to DC, aren't you on west coast at the moment — correct me if I'm wrong.

      1. MistaEko

        Still hunting. The not-a-fuckup Missus Eko landed a swanky fellowship here in DC for a few months and could walk into most jobs in the city when she finishes. So we're in DC through Dec.

  23. Boojum

    Something I didn't know, from the Wiki, is that, during high school, Joe Biden participated in an anti-segregation sit-in at a Wilmington theatre. I couldn't like him more, but it gives me more reason.

  24. actor212

    Say, Editrix. lemme run this up the flagpole and see if anyoned salutes…

    What if after Nov 7, you invited Ol Handsome Joe to guest post here?

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