OH TO BE ON BANDINI MOUNTAIN  3:00 pm October 11, 2012

Sorry, Ohio Dems, But Pile Of Manure Dumped At Your Headquarters Is Sort Of Completely Hilarious

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

can you believe the bandini mountain commercial is nowhere to be found on the internet?What is WRONG with your Wonkette? Why do we think it’s sort of hilarious that a Dem office in Warren County, Ohio, was manure-bombed with a truckload of horseshit? We guess it just seems sort of whimsical and “straight-talkin’” both at the same time? It’s certainly preferable to window-breakings and gunshots and firebombings and murder! We guess it’s because we love any sort of vandalism that just results in work for people instead of actual damage. (To this day we give it up to the neighbor who secretly affixed a coda to our John Kerry bumper sticker; in very neat, right-justified block lettering, it read “LOVE A GAY, ARE A GAY.” And they’d carefully affixed it with tape that would come off without scraping our paint!)

Probably the reason we find it hilarious is that we are a nine-year-old boy.

[CBS]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 131 comments }

Boojum October 11, 2012 at 3:02 pm

God. I want to have sex with a nine year old boy. What is wrong with me?

Edit: Sorry, Editrix, but I could not pass up this opportunity.

Shypixel October 11, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Apparently, you aren't the only one…

Boojum October 11, 2012 at 3:04 pm

And I'm not even a Republican, nor elected to office!

JudasPeckerwood October 11, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Have you considered the priesthood?

Boojum October 11, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Only for target practice. Does that count?

actor212 October 11, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Or assistant head coach at Penn State?

weejee October 11, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Or coaching?

nounverb911 October 11, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Someone's going to have some big tomatoes next year.

Boojum October 11, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Somebody has some big tomatoes now if you know what I mean and I think you do.

el_donaldo October 11, 2012 at 3:03 pm

To be true, dealing with truckloads of horseshit left by the opposition is pretty much status quo for the Democrats. Ba-dump-chsss. Thank you, and tip your waitress.

gullywompr October 11, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I wish you were joking.

StillGoinGreen October 11, 2012 at 3:25 pm

I don't have to think of anything funny to say – all I have to do is wait for at least 5 comments to be made on any topic and all of my thoughts are taken care of. THANK GOD FOR WONKETTE!! Living in Texas, I am a sad little beacon of blue in a sea of mouth-breathing RED!!

Boojum October 11, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Hello, sad little beacon. Stay strong, for freedom.

emmelemm October 11, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Yes, stay strong, little blue beacon. Or, little green vibrator, if you will.

MosesInvests October 11, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Come to Austin, then. Sure, it's *in* Texas, but there are some sane white people in Travis County.

Blueb4sinrise October 11, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Perfect.

Also, stealing it. The comeback, not teh poop.

Shypixel October 11, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I get it! Whoever did it was making a statement about how the Democratic Party is full of horseshit!

Brilliant wit! Such Genius!

Boojum October 11, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I like el-donaldo's interpretation, that the Republicans dump shit and the Democrats have to clean it up, WITH VOTES!

mrpuma2u October 11, 2012 at 3:40 pm

No, they are saying the Democratic party is very powerful at promoting growth, and enriching the fabric of the United States.

Baconzgood October 11, 2012 at 3:04 pm

That's a load of shit.

BaldarTFlagass October 11, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Our work ethic around here is "Take chicken shit, make chicken salad." Don't know if that translates to horseshit.

coolhandnuke October 11, 2012 at 3:12 pm

hors d'oeuvres

Lot_49 October 11, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Have to decline your kind invitation for lunch next week.

Indiepalin October 11, 2012 at 3:04 pm

How'd you guys find my backyard?

actor212 October 11, 2012 at 3:12 pm

We followed our noses.

mrpuma2u October 11, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Then we looked for the derelict appliances out in the yard

asterixaverni October 11, 2012 at 3:05 pm

“Money is like manure; it's not worth a thing unless it's spread around encouraging young things to grow.” Thornton Wilder

BaldarTFlagass October 11, 2012 at 3:06 pm

"Goldenfield says no one has claimed responsibility for the prank."

Rafalca is number one on my list of suspects.

mille derps October 11, 2012 at 3:28 pm

If the manure smells like French perfume, she's the most likely culprit…

Shypixel October 11, 2012 at 3:06 pm

So to retaliate, do we dump a load of hate, racism, and superstition in front of the Republican office?

Where does one even find a truckload of hate and racism?

Boojum October 11, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Go to your local Republican field office and ask around.

OneDollarJuana October 11, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Start with Georgia. Continue South.

MacRaith October 11, 2012 at 3:39 pm

God, do you want a list? South Carolina. Idaho. Arizona. Central Pennsylvania. South side of Boston. Mississippi. Dick Cheney's undisclosed location. Arkansas. Wasilla, Alaska. FOX News headquarters. Most of Texas. Your mileage may vary.

mille derps October 11, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Ummm- they're in Ohio, right?

Redgyal October 11, 2012 at 4:43 pm

You're in the US, those are our three biggest exports.

rmjagg October 11, 2012 at 5:40 pm

baggertown

gullywompr October 11, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Shit just got real.

Shypixel October 11, 2012 at 3:08 pm

I see what you did there!

el_donaldo October 11, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Throw an abacus on top, and you can say, "Shit just got complicated."

Chet Kincaid_ October 11, 2012 at 3:15 pm

haha

Esteev October 11, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I smell what you did there!

zumpie October 11, 2012 at 3:07 pm

What, no flaming bags? Amateurs

Pithaughn October 11, 2012 at 3:07 pm

when life gives you horse manure, compost. Srsly, load it up and donate it to a community garden project. publicize the hell about your commitment to true blue community values.
Shorter version, rub it in their faces!!

ShreditorsDesk October 11, 2012 at 4:27 pm

For those who don't know, horse poo takes about 2 years to break down thoroughly.

evodevo1 October 11, 2012 at 7:14 pm

All you have to do is publicize it – believe me gardeners from all over will be there in a NY minute to cart it away – that stuff is the best !! Horse poop is far superior to cow or chicken poop – doesn't "burn" the plants; has lots of undigested fiber for great soil conditioning. The tomato growers best friend. Mushroom farms love it too.

Cleos_Mom October 13, 2012 at 4:34 pm

I live in a rural area of a Red state and anyone who's in a snit and wants to vent by dumping a load of manure is welcome to do it at our place. I'll sell the produce at the Farmers Market next summer and donate a percentage to PFLAG.

actor212 October 11, 2012 at 3:08 pm

That must have been one fucking big horse!

On the bright side, at least he didn't eat a bean burrito.

Shypixel October 11, 2012 at 3:12 pm

No. It was a republican horse, so obviously practices the Abstinence Only method. This was not a fucking horse, it was an abstinent horse.

Still not sure how it got pregnant, nor why it drove to the city and came back not pregnant. The horse God works in mysterious Neighs!

actor212 October 11, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Ow.

Cleos_Mom October 13, 2012 at 4:35 pm

But was it a *dancing* horse?

ChillBill October 11, 2012 at 3:16 pm

It's a big fucking deal (of shit).

kittensdontlie October 11, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Yea, that's a shit-ton of horse manure.

ShreditorsDesk October 11, 2012 at 4:28 pm

It was a magic unicorn.

BaldarTFlagass October 11, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Volunteers at the Warren County Democratic headquarters would be well advised not to stomp out any unidentified flaming shopping bags they find on their front porch.

Allmighty_Manos October 11, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Finding a truckload of assholes to dump at the GOP office might be more difficult.

Boojum October 11, 2012 at 3:10 pm

What do you mean? They are already there!

HogeyeGrex October 11, 2012 at 3:18 pm
SmutBoffin October 11, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Free fertilizer! Let's consider it a campaign donation to Barry from the local Repubs.

SexySmurf October 11, 2012 at 3:09 pm

On closer inspection the giant pile of horse shit turned out to be Rep. Jean Schmidt.

rmjagg October 11, 2012 at 5:42 pm

sans makeup .

ChillBill October 11, 2012 at 3:10 pm

But seriously, though, OH Dems need to get their shit together.

ThundercatHo October 11, 2012 at 4:46 pm

You're kidding right? Obama has around 90 field offices in the state with loads of interns and volunteers working at least 12 hrs/day. I don't know what it's like in the more democratic areas but out here in Cornholeistan it ain't easy. Last weekend we went canvassing and it was like Deliverance. I've been at 2 campaign offices and everything seems very organized and positive. They also have a fab get out the vote plan. It's not the Ohio democrats fault that most of the population is about as smart as that pile of shit.

weejee October 11, 2012 at 3:11 pm

rimshot for sure.

BaldarTFlagass October 11, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Obviously, this is not to be taken literally. The Warren County Democratic headquarters symbolizes the United States of America, and the horseshit… Republicans… oh, you can figure it out for yourselves, you've all got college degrees.

weejee October 11, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Is that a photo of Lou Sarah's diet book galleys?

Eve8Apples October 11, 2012 at 3:12 pm

If anyone is looking for Romney's plan to cut federal spending, raise federal revenue and balance the federal budget, I found it at the Democratic office in Warren County, Ohio.

Oblios_Cap October 11, 2012 at 3:13 pm

someone dumped a pile of horse manure in the parking lot of the headquarters building …, just north of Lebanon.

Isn't that in Syria? It must be the Turks that done it.

fuflans October 11, 2012 at 3:13 pm

if OH dems have any sense of humor, they will make a totally kick ass (pun intended) ad out of this.

2012 has been sorely lacking in 'demon sheep'.

kittensdontlie October 11, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Shit happens…

hagajim October 11, 2012 at 3:13 pm

They must have made a wrong turn in Albuquerque. That should have ended up at Romney HQ.

Chet Kincaid_ October 11, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Guess they didn't want to go full McVeigh.

el_donaldo October 11, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Probably stood there a while throwing matches at it and wondering why it didn't explode.

Chet Kincaid_ October 11, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I guess McVeigh believed in science.

Pragmatist2 October 11, 2012 at 3:40 pm

With all due respect to my Wonkette colleagues, that may be too subtle.

Chet Kincaid_ October 11, 2012 at 3:55 pm

"We're smart!! We get stuff!!"

BornInATrailer October 11, 2012 at 3:43 pm

That was very well played, sir.

coolhandnuke October 11, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Drive-by shittings are fairly common in the heartland.

rmjagg October 11, 2012 at 5:44 pm

on the bright side , they didn't have slingshots to load it on

Radiotherapy October 11, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Rifalca has been busy since getting back from the Olympics.

ednamillion22 October 11, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Maybe it was Rafalca shit?

Toomush_Infer October 11, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Hey! This is the only good joke Republicans have made all year, and it's a big steaming one…

Boojum October 11, 2012 at 3:22 pm

But, however, not the only time they have thrown a steaming pile of shit for Democrats to clean up.

fuflans October 11, 2012 at 3:16 pm

more horseshit republican talking points.

barto October 11, 2012 at 3:16 pm

The proper response is of course chicken-shit.

Blunderthing October 11, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Oh and aren't they ever so clever in the comments section: "If Ovamit had a son this is what it would look like." That's certainly not racial transcendence.

SayItWithWookies October 11, 2012 at 3:18 pm

The Ohio Republicans were just retaliating — yesterday somebody left a math and a science book at their party headquarters and they felt so insulted they just lashed out at the most likely suspect. Turns out a campaign worker's kid was doing his homework, so they both got a stern warning.

BornInATrailer October 11, 2012 at 3:19 pm

I agree, legitimately hilarious.

BaldarTFlagass October 11, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Yeah, that's some funny shit right there.

Not_So_Much October 11, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Vote! It's your doody.

PuckStopsHere October 11, 2012 at 3:21 pm

This is the GOP's idea of the ideal public works project.

iburl October 11, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Read the comments on the CBS site if you get tired of laughing.

elviouslyqueer October 11, 2012 at 3:22 pm

I call bullshit!

Wait.

BaldarTFlagass October 11, 2012 at 3:23 pm

At least it wasn't a horse head.

MonkeyMotion October 11, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Interesting. The GOP's been dumping that stuff on the whole country for 30+ years.

coolhandnuke October 11, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Finally a movement the GOP can get behind.

rmjagg October 11, 2012 at 5:46 pm

they have embraced it and made passionate love to it

Callyson October 11, 2012 at 3:25 pm

The building does have security cameras

Here's hoping the fuckers who pulled this juvenile stunt didn't think of wearing the OWS masks…

the building landlord cleaned up the mess, and the party will not have to pay for the cleanup

I've been saying that we all need to do our part to help the party, but talk about going beyond the call of duty…

Native_of_SL_UT October 11, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Typical GOP.
They try to block the Democrats with their shit, they end up giving the shitty end of the deal to the small business owner.

OneYieldRegular October 11, 2012 at 3:27 pm

How is this news? I mean, it's not as though Republicans have much of anything else to offer.

SmutBoffin October 11, 2012 at 3:29 pm

What will the Dems do to retaliate? Bucket of water balanced over the entrance to the Republican campaign HQ?

LibertyLover October 11, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Gluing a dollar bill to the sidewalk in front of their HQ. They won't bend over for a quarter.

CommieLibunatic October 11, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Sounds appropriately impotent of them, yeah.

BaldarTFlagass October 11, 2012 at 3:30 pm

They did this on The Sopranos once, but with garbage. Points off for lack of originality.

prommie October 11, 2012 at 3:30 pm

I know another nine-year old boy who is trapped in a fucking, well, in a suprising package.

Chet Kincaid_ October 11, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Most Wonkette women seem to have 9-year-old boys in 'em. Wait, that didn't come out right…

Boojum October 11, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I certainly hope not.

prommie October 11, 2012 at 3:57 pm

We should make that 13 years old, at least, anyway.

StillGoinGreen October 11, 2012 at 3:31 pm

What, no flaming paper sack? Amateurs…

Esteev October 11, 2012 at 3:31 pm

And here I thought the GOP platform was crap.

Generation[redacted] October 11, 2012 at 3:32 pm

ROVE!!!!!

Self-Uploader October 11, 2012 at 3:32 pm

At least horses are vegetarians. The smell of horseshit always reminds me of the country (not necessarily our, any non-urban environment that might have horses)

GeorgiaBurning October 11, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Pretty good Breitbart costume, actually

JackDempsey1 October 11, 2012 at 3:38 pm

"Probably the reason we find it hilarious is that we are a nine-year-old boy."

As the parent of a 9-year-old boy, I can definitively tell you that he is profoundly uninterested and unamused by this prank, unless the pile of manure came directly out of the butt of SuperMario, or perhaps Donkey Kong.

SpeedoFart October 11, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Kids still play Donkey Kong??

JackDempsey1 October 11, 2012 at 4:15 pm

The original Donkey Kong game is kaput.
However, there have been spin-off games (Donkey Kong Country).

Most of this was covered in the presidential debates. Out getting a sandwich?

SpeedoFart October 11, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Well, now I feel old. I slept through the last presidential debate AND I didn't realize that Donkey Kong is still a thing.

My suspicions that I didn't miss much have been confirmed, though.

TootsStansbury October 11, 2012 at 3:39 pm

That was no horse, it was Chris Christie.

DustBowlBlues October 11, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Intense Debate let me in again, after days, when I hit reload repeatedly. Wonderful if I can possibly get here tonight. I hate Intense Debate.

Pat_Pending October 11, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I suspect Rafalca was involved in this…

midnighttoker69 October 11, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Warren County is the home district of the lovable Rep. Boner himself, so it's no surprise the Republicans in that area have lots of extra horseshit to dispense.

Correction … Warren county is adjacent to Boner's district. I wonder if they spent our tax dollars transporting it … I call for an investigation.

upthruster October 11, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Clearly this was harvested from Mount Bullshit!

Gleem McShineys October 11, 2012 at 4:49 pm

How can you tell the difference between a horse's ass and a Republican, again?

mrblifil October 11, 2012 at 4:51 pm

The opposition has an unlimited supply after all.

CommieLibunatic October 11, 2012 at 4:52 pm

And you can bet the GOP would do an acrobatic pirouette off the handle if anything half as bad happened to one of their offices. Goddamned crybabies, but that's the case with any wannabe despot.

Thedongsofwar October 11, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Poop! Lol!

snowpointsecret October 11, 2012 at 5:50 pm

I saw this on the local news and thought "Yep, Wonkette's going to cover this at some point." I'm glad I was right.

Though it is mandatory to make the joke that the idea of dumping manure at a rival headquarters is full of shit.

finallyhappy October 11, 2012 at 6:37 pm

well, I understand they are in the country(isn't everywhere between the east coast and the west coast just country?) so it is not a good thing. However, one year for Mother's Day, my husband went to one of the riding stables(it's not like people just have horses around here- that is the rich part of Montgomery County or the redneck part of Montgomery County- both somewhat north of me) and dug quite a few pounds of rotted horse poop for my compost heap. It was a wonderful gift.

MinAgain October 11, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Well, now. I guess we know who's going to win the poopular vote in the next election.

DahBoner October 12, 2012 at 9:25 am

When Life gives you a load of manure, make compost tea for your SUPERCROP…

WABishop October 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm

There's got to be a pony in there somewhere!

Lot_49 October 11, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Shouldn't they all be called "Sandusky" now?

As in: "Washington Redskins head sandusky Mike Shanahan rejected suggestions that he put rookie quarterback Robert Griffin III in a starting role before he was ready…"

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