Florida To Get Flaming Tap Water, Officially Become Hell

The oil-drilling technique known as fracking has caused its share of controversy the past few years: Maybe it causes radioactive rivers , maybe it's marine life to blame. Maybe it causes earthquakes , maybe that's the Dallas Cowboys special teams squad.

It also, though, looks to pretty obviously cause methane contamination leading to flaming tap water , and you know what that means — it's perfect for Florida.

Oil companies have been romancing Florida's government for the better part of the year, according to the Southwest Florida News-Press , and are offering the state a chance to take one more step in some kind of prolonged costume contest in which Florida will win a bottle of popcorn-flavored vodka if it can look like the setting of Book of Eli  .

Florida Gov. Rick Scott (R-Azkaban) loves talking about making jobs so much that the Romney campaign reportedly asked him to please stop — the odds his administration would oppose fracking are about as good as the odds that it would instate crazy things like annual vehicle inspections : Zero, for freedom .

To quickly paint a picture of Florida: A guy died last week from eating too many cockroaches , there's a ballot measure coming up in November with the express intent of eliminating the separation of church and state , escaped monkeys are biting women in Tampa , and, now, there are going to be exploding toilets and undrinkable water.

Ah, whatever. The water's full of feces anyway. See you in Disney World. [ News-Press ]