TODAY IN BOY GENIUSES  2:18 pm October 11, 2012

Hero Utah Congressman Jason Chaffetz Outs Pretty Much Entire CIA

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Plamed! Jason Chaffetz, how is your MENSA membership? Still in good standing? Oh, good! Now, we know you and your brethren want to make some political hay out of the Libya fiasco. Who could blame you? Even we were like (secretly, in our brainpans), sup, did Hillz drop the ball? And if hacks like us are wondering that, then it is probably a potent issue indeed! But FIRST you admitted that actually, you and all your GOP buddies had voted specifically to cut funding for embassy security — “priorities,” you said, while accusing Chick Clinton of not having enough embassy security — and then you totally Valerie Plamed an entire CIA … platoon? Gaggle? Murder? Nipple? A nipple of CIA dudes? Well, whatever a bunch of CIA dudes would be. GOOD JOB IN YOUR PUBLIC TELEVISED HEARINGS ON MATTERS OF NATIONAL SECURITY, GENIUS.

When crybaby car-robbing arsonist Darrell Issa is trying to cover your blunders, you are pretty much the greatest congressman in the world.

Sup, Dana Milbank?

Through their outbursts, cryptic language and boneheaded questioning of State Department officials, the committee members left little doubt that one of the two compounds at which the Americans were killed, described by the administration as a “consulate” and a nearby “annex,” was a CIA base. They did this, helpfully, in a televised public hearing.

Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) was the first to unmask the spooks. “Point of order! Point of order!” he called out as a State Department security official, seated in front of an aerial photo of the U.S. facilities in Benghazi, described the chaotic night of the attack. “We’re getting into classified issues that deal with sources and methods that would be totally inappropriate in an open forum such as this.”

A State Department official assured him that the material was “entirely unclassified” and that the photo was from a commercial satellite. “I totally object to the use of that photo,” Chaffetz continued. He went on to say that “I was told specifically while I was in Libya I could not and should not ever talk about what you’re showing here today.”

Now that Chaffetz had alerted potential bad guys that something valuable was in the photo, the chairman, Darrell Issa (R-Calif.), attempted to lock the barn door through which the horse had just bolted. “I would direct that that chart be taken down,” he said, although it already had been on C-SPAN. “In this hearing room, we’re not going to point out details of what may still in fact be a facility of the United States government or more facilities.”

Milbank then goes on to explain that Chaffetz and Issa have just told the world that the facilities were run by Joe Wilson or something. You could read it! It’s pretty good!

SO. If the lapses were indeed the fault of the CIA, then we can rest easy that our image of Hillary Clinton as kick-ass superhero can remain unmolested. (Hooray!) And also, pinning State with not having security when you’ve cut funding for security for State might just backfire when people are reminded you are the party that wants to prove that government is ineffective and terrible by making government ineffective and terrible.

You know. Just saying. So thanks Jason Chaffetz, we feel totally 10 times better now!

[WaPo]

 
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{ 108 comments }

actor212 October 11, 2012 at 2:20 pm

"Would I trow a match in dere if my good friend Rocky was in dere?"

Fucking amateurs. Sheesh, at least Rove had the good sense to put two layers of culpability between him and Plame.

BoroPrimorac October 11, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I think Rove's and Cheney's finger prints are all over this. They probably think: "Hey, we got away with it once, so what the fuck?

hagajim October 11, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Transparent layers though.

actor212 October 11, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Hillary Clinton as kick-ass superhero

I'll, uh, be in my bunk. Pretending to be a hostage.

Generation[redacted] October 11, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I'll be at the end of the runway, looking up her skirt through her invisible jet.

nounverb911 October 11, 2012 at 2:22 pm

IOKIYAR?

Jus_Wonderin October 11, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I know what that stands for but it would make a perfect evil alien name. Dontyathink?

actor212 October 11, 2012 at 2:31 pm

It's OK. If you are a Republican

lulzmonger October 11, 2012 at 2:54 pm

More like IMIYAR (It's MANDATORY If You're A Republican), amirite?

sullivanst October 11, 2012 at 2:59 pm

De rigueur, at least.

nounverb911 October 11, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Intelligence Committee? Is that the political version of a camel?

coolhandnuke October 11, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Camel menthol ultra light 100s.

Incitefully_Joe October 11, 2012 at 2:50 pm

There is a Parliament Lights joke somewhere in here, but I'm too Chaffetz'd to figure out what it is.

Generation[redacted] October 11, 2012 at 2:58 pm

MarboLOL

hagajim October 11, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Well, they put all the smart ones on the Science and Technology Committee.

YouBetcha October 11, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Someone strap a helmet to each of these two clowns, hand them each a grenade, an iPhone, and a fully automatic weapon, and drop them into Benghazi. They can investigate from the ground.

Pragmatist2 October 11, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Chaffitz will make up for this goof by enlisting in the Marine Corps and going to Afghanistan.

no_gravity October 11, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Can't we just say once and for all that the Oversight and Government Reform Committee of the House is an unmitigated clusterfuck and be done with it.

Jus_Wonderin October 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

They are using the alt definition of "oversight".

cousinitt October 11, 2012 at 3:34 pm

I think we can safely say that of the entire House, aka, the House that Norquist built and Wall Street paid for.

Schmannnity October 11, 2012 at 2:25 pm

A silver lining to a Romney win is that Issa will no longer have anything to investigate.

nounverb911 October 11, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Except himself.

fuflans October 11, 2012 at 2:35 pm

that's not enough.

Goonemeritus October 11, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Oh thank God I read the post; I thought for a moment that the entire CIA was homosexual.

actor212 October 11, 2012 at 2:27 pm

It's not?

*tearing up application*

AlterNewt October 11, 2012 at 2:52 pm

No. That would be SIS.

PubOption October 11, 2012 at 3:06 pm

SIS – C division, in particular.

Callyson October 11, 2012 at 3:29 pm

That's what those Columbian prostitutes thought also, too.

ChillBill October 11, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Fox News will quickly point out that he was a Democrat 20 years ago.

"Chaffetz" sounds French, also.

BaldarTFlagass October 11, 2012 at 2:28 pm

*fake sneeze*
Blowjob! Eat me!

ManchuCandidate October 11, 2012 at 2:29 pm

There's a man who puts lives in danger
To everyone he meets he's quite the dumper
With every cut he makes another buck he takes
Odds are someone won't live to see tomorrow

Utah Congress man, Utah Congress man
They've given you a donation and you never had a brain

Cuttin' security bucks for Foggy bottom one day
And then blamin' them for dying next day
Oh no, you let the wrong word slip
While kissing Boner's orange lips
The odds are those assholes will still elect you tomorrow

Blueb4sinrise October 11, 2012 at 3:02 pm

+1000

YouTube channel?

Schmannnity October 11, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Cutting funding for security and then complaining about lax security is the same strategy as during the presidential primaries where the military option on Iran was batted about and then when oil prices exploded, they claimed that Obama caused gasoline price inflation.

HouseOfTheBlueLights October 11, 2012 at 4:17 pm

This is also the PBS strategy– cut govt funding to public television, and then when the programming tanks, tell the rubes that the govt can't even get public television right.

delaney_blom October 11, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I believe the collective term for a bunch of CIA dudes is "Cell"

Also, too, House Republicans' collective term for the State Department is "Coven"

BaldarTFlagass October 11, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Your move, Scooter Libby.

AlterNewt October 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

And now it has been published on the Wonkettes, a well known subversive Mom blog.

actor212 October 11, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Our babies only suck the left tit.

And by babies, I mean all the straight men.

Oblios_Cap October 11, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Mommie blog?!? i thought that this was a Commie blog.

AlterNewt October 11, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Well, sort of a Commie-mommy blog.

Toomush_Infer October 11, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Me! Me! Me! (just trying to find room among the other pups)….

HouseOfTheBlueLights October 11, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Whoah that's me! Huh? What?

mrpuma2u October 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Isn't that law that Bush 41 passed, that made outing intelligence agents a federal crime, still on the books? Attorney General Holder, hello?

Oblios_Cap October 11, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Holder's about as worthless as tits on a boar hog.

Crank_Tango October 11, 2012 at 2:53 pm

That's something both sides of the aisle can agree with, I think.

Then again, some of them GOP pigfuckers might enjoy those tits…

sullivanst October 11, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Phone call from the Constitution on line 3. It says the Speech or Debate Clause would like a word.

Incitefully_Joe October 11, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Oh, posh. If that law were still on the books, surely we would have seen a conviction or two sometime in this past decade.

mrpuma2u October 11, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Yes, silly me, I am living in that dream world where people in the government are held accountable for their screw ups.

ahnc October 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Smart move, Chaffetz, getting the CIA pissed now that they have to vacate the facility you exposed.
Actually, it sound like something Mittens would do.

Indiepalin October 11, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Issa's next crusade? A congressional investigation into our 7.8% unemployment rate. If you watch "Homeland", you know that the deceased son of the terrorist leader, and the motivation behind Brody's crusade, is named Issa. Don't tell Corsi.

SayItWithWookies October 11, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Maybe Chaffetz and Issa haven't killed as many Americans as al Qaeda has, but give them time — they're working on it.

gullywompr October 11, 2012 at 2:32 pm

It's amazing to me how many Congressmen think they actually understand the government. The guy giving the briefing has done this his entire career, Chaffetz has been a federal employee for about three years. At the State Department, we call someone with that length of experience an "intern".

Indiepalin October 11, 2012 at 2:41 pm

You don't fuck the interns.

gullywompr October 11, 2012 at 2:59 pm

You're not from around here, are you?

Steverino247 October 11, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Never go full intern. Just the tip, of course.

coolhandnuke October 11, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Now that professional douchebag Robert Novak is covering the Breitbart trial in the sixth circle, we need a semi-professional douchebag from the wingnutosphere–who can type–to step up and deliver.

BaldarTFlagass October 11, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I thought all them CIA agents wore T-shirts that said "CIA" on them in big giant letters, like Johnny Depp in Once Upon a Time in Mexico. How could you possible "out" them?

fuflans October 11, 2012 at 2:37 pm

that's one of my favorite bits in one of my favorite movies.

skmind October 11, 2012 at 2:35 pm

The best way to thank Issa is by honoring him with the coveted title of CIA Section Chief in Libya.

Isn't Obama required to make a recess appointment?

zumpie October 11, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Wondering when you guys were gonna get around to this one! The immediate, near total silencing of Puggies screaming this would be the Evil Kenyan Muslin Usurper's October Surprise was stunning (though many of the dumber ones are still blathering)

Also, too:

Issa will be remembered as a much dumber Joe McCarthy.

Sometimes, just maybe, the WH and the State Department keep stuff quiet, cause you know, top secret, national, security, etc.

jodyleek October 11, 2012 at 2:49 pm

"Issa…much dumber Joe McCarthy."
Michele Bachmann Libel!

fuflans October 11, 2012 at 2:55 pm

curious to see if it will come up at the debates. and how it's handled.

Joshua Norton October 11, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Man, these guys just passed “a little nuts” at 90 miles an hour.

Toomush_Infer October 11, 2012 at 3:07 pm

With no seat belts and the windows open, top down, texting….

AddHomonym October 11, 2012 at 2:37 pm

This crowd! Always with the blame America first!

OneYieldRegular October 11, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Issa don't work for no CIA?

elviouslyqueer October 11, 2012 at 2:38 pm

And thus concludes today's episode of "Two Morons, One Cup."

Incitefully_Joe October 11, 2012 at 2:49 pm

What was S.E doing there? And wouldn't that have made it Three Morons?

Beowoof October 11, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Stupid is as stupid does – Gump.;

asterixaverni October 11, 2012 at 2:40 pm

While this is yet another lovely example of rethuglican dumbfuckery… isn't also well known that every State department facility is also a CIA branch office?

gullywompr October 11, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Yes.

BaldarTFlagass October 11, 2012 at 2:41 pm

"you and all your GOP buddies had voted specifically to cut funding for embassy security while accusing Chick Clinton of not having enough embassy security"

That's some catch, that Catch-22.

PsycWench October 11, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I guess it was a bad idea when a student walked in my office and I shouted "Don't look at the computer screen! You're not supposed to see the test ahead of time!"

sullivanst October 11, 2012 at 2:42 pm

So: in order to keep the CIA's cover, he had to blow the CIA's cover, eh?

I don't think it can come as a surprise to anyone who's ever seen Chaffetz on camera that he's not too bright.

GunToting[Redacted] October 11, 2012 at 3:00 pm

We had to destroy the agency to save it.

It's amazing how often that little trope is relevant with these idiots.

fuflans October 11, 2012 at 2:43 pm

i wondered if this was CIA (the base that spearheaded a revolution and was the major weapons distribution point was likely to be at least partially CIA. and they were the only boots on the ground in libya…). but i don't know how the bamz team squares that circle politically.

though perhaps jason chuffed has just done that job for them.

PeaceWithHonor October 11, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Patriotism is a cudgel we use to beat our opponents. It's not something we actually practice.

Incitefully_Joe October 11, 2012 at 2:45 pm

By the logic that's been applied to Wikileaks, it's not unreasonable to conclude right now that Issa and Chaffetz have a ton of American blood on their hands, and are therefore The Real Terrorists.

PuckStopsHere October 11, 2012 at 2:47 pm

This is the same fuckstick who got busted by Soledan O'Brien live on CNN for having voted against a State Department request for increased funding for embassy security and then bitching about the Obama administration being responsible for what he termed lax security at the Libyan embassy. Still, I can't say that I blame Chaffetz. He's just an idiot; one might as well place the blame on a poor, dumb dog. Rather, I blame the people of the congressional district in Utah which he represents for being fucking right wings idiots and putting him into office in the first place. Thanks again, Teabaggers! USA…USA…USA. F-U-C-K, fuck you all.

fuflans October 11, 2012 at 2:50 pm

somebody needs to go jon stewart with that clip and the oversight committee clip.

like, you know, jon stewart.

EdBradly7 October 11, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Fuckstick…….that is what I call command of the english language.

BaldarTFlagass October 11, 2012 at 2:48 pm

"official assured him that the material was “entirely unclassified” and that the photo was from a commercial satellite."

A few years ago I was running a geospatial mapping project for our bases in USAF-Europe. The Turks did not want to give up any satellite shots of their base at Incirlik, where the USAF is a tenant. We were able to obtain the maps, and when the Turkish AF guys saw them they hit roof, wanting to know what kind of espionage we had gotten up to in order to obtain this highly classified information. They were pretty chagrined when the answer was "Google Earth."

StillGoinGreen October 11, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Rep. Chaffetz,

Ut-shay the uk-fay up-yay!!

Sincerely,

The State Dept.

TootsStansbury October 11, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I don't know what a group of CIA is called, but Republican house members would be a derp.

bibliotequetress October 11, 2012 at 5:15 pm

A shadow of spies. A murder of idiots.

gullywompr October 11, 2012 at 9:08 pm

A Carbuncle of Conservative Congressmen.

Incitefully_Joe October 12, 2012 at 8:52 am

An embarrassment of right-wing politicians.

fuflans October 11, 2012 at 2:53 pm

so apparently republicans like outing intelligence agencies (including romney in UK). maybe there's still something to that old canard about CIA being elitist.

imissopus October 11, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Hillary Clinton as kick-ass superhero

Ahem. Superheroine.

prommie October 11, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Mormons. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. I learned this from South Park. If ya start out with that portion of the populace stupid enough to fall for Smith's scam (think Jonestown followers) and then you interbreed for 190 years, well, it can't be good for the gene pool.

imissopus October 11, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Chaffetz probably thought he was totally nailing the administration for using classified photos in a public hearing. Grandstanding moran.

Slim_Pickins October 11, 2012 at 3:04 pm

This is even dumber than Newt announcing he would begin covert actions against Iran on day one of his presidency.

lulzmonger October 11, 2012 at 3:05 pm

"Tonight on FOX: Jason Chaffetz (D) Blows CIA's Cover, Brave American Agents Abroad Doomed!"

StillGoinGreen October 11, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Fucking Democrats…

Blueb4sinrise October 11, 2012 at 3:08 pm

S'okay, the CIA was meeting Hondurans there to sell them guns to then fund the opposition in Iran.

bobbert October 11, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Stupid showboating weasel is stupid.

Also, I believe that's a "cluster" of CIA.

anniegetyerfun October 11, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I saw that scene in Ironman 2! (not as good as the first one)

BoroPrimorac October 11, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Ixnay on the CIA-nay, ya couple of dumb fucks.

anniegetyerfun October 11, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Seriously, though, the idea that there WASN'T a CIA base in Libya (several, akshully) is hilarious. Of course there was/is.

LibertyLover October 11, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Who do we frog march over this? Oh wait, we never frog march anyone anymore…

Boojum October 11, 2012 at 3:31 pm

The term of venery for a group of CIA agents is a "secret".

zumpie October 11, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Meanwhile, Issa is undeterred, he WILL find a conspiracy–if it takes every last taxpayer dollar that could go to protecting ambassadors, creating jobs, or feeding and educating teh poors! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/11/darrell-

I hear rumours Jack Welch will be his star witness!

fuflans October 11, 2012 at 3:50 pm

nice mittens.

i see it's starting to get some traction too.

HouseOfTheBlueLights October 11, 2012 at 4:12 pm

May I request that Barry bring this up when Willard tries to decapitate him over Libya?

bibliotequetress October 11, 2012 at 5:14 pm

So what if Chaffetz potentially endangered the lives of US operatives and/or their local contacts who may OR MAY NOT have realized they were assisting the US? Political points were scored! Chaffetz wins!

iamrrm October 11, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Chaffetz is a person? I thought it was the sore you get from excessive rubbing. E.g., "I fapped so much that it caused some painful chaffetz."

glamourdammerung October 11, 2012 at 6:05 pm

When can we just yank security clearance from Republicans? They have consistently shown to be incapable of handling such responsibility.

dial_m October 11, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Fucking whippersnapper. Meet him in the alley behind the joint after last call, Joe.

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