Above, via LittleGreenFootballs, is a quite enjoyable 15 minutes of Australian Prime Minister Tilda Swinton smearing her menses all over the leader of the opposition, Richard from Downton Abbey, for being a total sexist lorry. It is because some other dude, this “Slipper” fellow (who serves with Tilda in the Labor Party, which is center-left) sent some nasty sext messages to this other dude, Ashby, and Ashby has charged him with sexual harrassment, and Richard from Downton Abbey (who is in the Liberal Party, which is like the conservatives there?) decided to lecture Tilda Swinton about misogyny. (But not about not sexually harrassing gay guys?) Do you think Tilda Swinton cared for being lectured by Richard from Downton Abbey after all he did to Lady Mary? SHE DID NOT! So you can watch that, it is fun how she reduces all the male members to big moaning babies because she is all like “hey, sexism exists.”

But more importantly, WHAT DID THE OFFENSIVE TEXTS SAY???

From (that means “Australia”!):

  • “Brough is a c..t,” Mr Slipper said in a text on October 10 last year. Soon after, he said: ”Funny how we say that a person is a c..t when many guys like c..ts.”
  • ‘They look like mussell (sic) removed from its shell. Look at a bottle of mussel meat. Salty C..ts in brine.”
  • “Been to thw (sic) fish shop yet to buy the bottle of shell less Mussells (sic)?”
  • On October 12 Mr Slipper referred to Liberal front bencher Sophie Mirabella, who had criticised him. “Yes i agree she did push it too far. But did she do it because you’re mates or she’s just an ignorant botch (sic)?” he said in a text.
  • On October 14, Mr Slipper questioned the relationship between Mr Ashby and “Bill”. “Is he a special friend or just business?” he asked Mr Ashby about the man. Then, on October 16, Mr Slipper enquired whether Mr Ashby, after a night out, was not just tired but “shagged”. Mr Ashby took that as a reference to sexual relations.
  • There was another Bill reference on October 16 when Mr Slipper said: “Sounds to me that you may have broken the drought.” And on October 28, “Did you lose your maidenhood”, followed by a reference to Mr Ashby’s “virtual hymen”.
  • Attention went back to Mr Brough, whom on December 3 Mr Slipper called “that little f..ker on the Bolt Report.”
  • Late in December, Mr Slipper playfully reprimanded Mr Ashby by saying: “I’m going to smack u. Arhhhhhhhh.” Mr Ashby replied, “Ah I might like it. Tho I’m not into pain.”
  • On January 18, after Mr Slipper had not heard from his adviser for a while, Mr Ashby joked he had quit. “Y r a cccc….tttttt :),” Mr Slipper replied. “Cccccccc…..t.”

(“Cunt.” The word is “cunt.”)

TO THE SMELLING SALTS! Someone said a vagina looked slimy! But that he liked them anyway! Also, Ashby, dude, sack the fuck up. We’ve seen better sexual harrassment cases on your mom, last night.

[LGF /]

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  • BadKitty904

    What the hell?

    • We're gonna need a bigger arsenal of Aussie-Brit conflated references.

      And a youtube-access/ unblocked at my workplace would be helpful too. Until then I'm having Newsroom-Confuseroom flashbacks.

  • hagajim

    Righto…I followed that not in the least. G'Day!

    • sullivanst

      Don't come the raw prawn with me mate, just chuck a coupla shrimp on the barbie, crack open a stubby and lay back. No wussas!

      • I think this right calls for a schooner, dontye?

  • sudsmckenzie

    Douchebags on the Barbie.

  • Indiepalin

    I plead the fifth.

  • Baconzgood


  • Pookums

    You know what was awesome? Watching that smug prick slowly deflate into himself. I was kinda hoping, however, that he would pull a knife on her and then she would pull out her knife and say, "…that's not a knife, mate…"

    • teebob2000

      That's not a misogynist comment, mate. THIS is a misogynist comment.

    • Woodshedding

      I know, at first he was all arrogant ha ha smirkiness and then when she started giving actual FACTS, quoting his misogynistic statements, he was like "How DARE you bring the truth into POLITICS! BITCH! Now I'm SUPER pissed! Don'y you know the RULES, Cunt?!?"

  • Baconzgood

    This isn't helping her make my sandwich any faster.

    • sudsmckenzie

      You mean vegemite sandwich's?

      • eggsacklywright

        'Down, down in Bombay,
        Slack-jawed, not much to say."

    • Esteev

      My beer is still unopened also, too.

  • Pragmatist2

    I have decided not to order the mussels at the Outback Steak House ever again.

  • These guys are geniuses. I bet they belong to Menses.

  • Esteev

    Women: can't legislate with them and they can't pee standing up.

    • LibertyLover

      Wanna bet?

      • Esteev

        Just avoid the rug this time.

        • I knew one girl who could write her name five feet up on a wall.

          • Esteev

            And you let her just whizz right out of your life?!

  • oenspiek

    Glad there are so few actual problems for the Oz House of Reps to worry about!

  • Schmannnity

    These are the worst Penthouse writings ever.

  • CivilMcMannerly

    What a bunch of ignorant botches… And shellfish cunts.

  • Baconzgood

    Misogyny is wrong. Having said that who is that hot piece of ass in the top left at 3:00?

  • the_onceler

    I know everything about Aussies already: "where women glow and men plunder"

    • eggsacklywright

      Or is that chunder?

    • Tundra Grifter

      Men plunder in the land down under? Where's that Veggimite sandwich?

  • I thought Gina Rinehart was running Australia.

  • You call that sexual harassment?

    /pulls out Google search/

    That's sexual harassment.

    • Long ago, when I was a (shitty) tech writer, I was visiting a company, when I heard the CEO bark: "Get me a pair of tits, I need to write something down!"
      It was the early 80"s.
      (He must have been a relic from the Mad Men era)

      • Lascauxcaveman

        An ex-boss of mine at an advertising agency I worked for in the 80s kept the current issue of Penthouse on his office foyer magazine table.

        • shelwood46

          When I became a volunteer firefighter in the '80s, they still brought in strippers to the quarterly County Firemen's Meeting. Multiple strippers, to the firehouse. When I, being a woman, would hide in the next room, someone would invariably come in and lament to me about the good old days, when the "girls" were still willing to give BJs in the bathroom for extra tips.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Is this the script to the next Crobile Dundee flick?

    • sudsmckenzie

      You call that Slipper, This is a Mr. Slipper.

    • EatsBabyDingos

      It was supposed to be "Crocobile" and it was written by Sheila Foster, who is known for her girl beer.

  • freakishlywrong

    We could use more of this in U.S of America's batshit insane House of Reps. Maybe they'll learn where the babbies are aborted.

    • Esteev

      Guano Libel!

  • Schmannnity

    It is interesting to see a house of representatives where the members show up and sit in the chamber on a regular basis.

  • Roy Hobbson

    "Remove her uterus! With a rope! That'll quiet 'er down." -Georgia Rep. Dr. Paul Broun, if he were on the Australian House Science Committee

    • Esteev

      "I bet this c..t. FLOATS!" "Doctor" Broun did not continue.

  • PuckStopsHere

    And here I thought Aussies (Aussie, Aussie, Oy, Oy, Oy!) were perfect gentlemen. You know, like that Mel Gibson fellow.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Well, needless to say, I like the cunt slinger. And I don't think you can tell someone you might like their smacking as long as it's painless and then go off bitching about it later. That makes you a cunt.

    • Boojum

      Is it sexist for me to say that the Australian Prime Minister turns me on?

  • teebob2000

    Can we make her a retroactive Natural Born US Citizen so she can be president?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      She's actually from Wales. But they had an American MP a year or two ago that was supposedly being groomed for the PM slot. Kind of a hottie, IIRC.

  • Weenus299

    Pip pip cheerio, toss another c…t on the barbie and all that rot. GOD SAVE THE C…T.

    And by that I completely mean Connecticut.

    • sullivanst

      As long as you weren't all about the conspiracy theory.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I Like the c..t of your jib, mate.

  • sbj1964

    Ladies remember you are the driving force behind human cultural development.Why do men start wars because women dig guys in uniform.Why did we send a Man to the moon?Because Women dig Astronauts.Why do Men go to work every day? Because women like guys with jobs.Without you we would be nothing but a bunch of hairy Apes sitting on rocks fondling ourselves.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      [slowly edges away from rock]

    • Boojum

      Hmmm…that sitting on rocks thing sounds pretty attractive right now.

  • m' Tilda is not just waltzin'. Can't wait to see what she has in her tucker-bag.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Australia? Two words: Yahoo Serious.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So, the US hasn't entirely cornered the market on stupidity.

  • ¿ɹǝqoʇʞɔoɔ

  • freakishlywrong

    So, these douchebags had a sausage fest..

  • ‘They look like mussell (sic) removed from its shell. Look at a bottle of mussel meat. Salty C..ts in brine.”

    Cockles and mussells! Alive, alive-ooooooo!

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      This is the first time I've understood that song.

  • TavariousChinaSmith

    The funniest bit here is when the New Yorker wrote about it, they said, "…he compared female genitalia to a particular kind of shellfish," as though they were far too delicate to actually name the mollusc in question. Personally, I prefer them when they remind me of oysters.

    Actually the funniest bit was watching the leader of the opposition turn from a smirking wombat into a pile of koala pooh over the course of 15 minutes.

  • I thought Austrians spoke German?

  • prommie

    This lady has the power to reduce all the male members? She is like the anti-viagra!

  • Angry pretty woman is teh hawt!

    • Esteev

      Did you teach Slipper all he knows? Inquiring minds, etc.

      • My influence exceeds my grasp

  • I like how every woman is hanging on Gillard's every word, while the men all admire the ceiling frescoes.

  • smashedinhat

    Being as redneck down under is it's a brilliant thing to hear a sheila stand up and cut the nads off some punter in such a public way. Fifteen minutes of bitch slapping. Wowzers.

    • qwerty42

      With all the references to when he said this or that and the sceptre (or mace or something) sitting on the table between them and always the "leader of the opposition". Yes, well done.

  • Oblios_Cap

    That makes me want a vegamite sandwich.

    • LibertyLover

      Nothing could make me want a vegamite sandwich.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Sorry – I should know enough to read all the comments first.

      You may call "Jinx" at your leisure.

  • Put her and Elizabeth Warren in a room together and commence with the seventies slap-bass porn tracks… for THEIR gratification, well deserved, certainly not for MINE!

  • terriblyfamous

    I hope that when Tilda Swinton stars in the blockbuster rendition of this moment, she wears that outfit from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

  • gullywompr

    I tried to come up with something witty about how Vegamite on toast every morning is the cause of this whole thing, but failed. Chunder, also too.

  • docterry6973

    Australians talk funny. Why is that?

  • LibertyLover

    The leader of the opposition party might just need an abortion after that legitimate verbal rape.

  • "Picnic at Hanging Rock" Is an Australian movie that is dirty without being dirty.

    • James Michael Curley

      One of the most forgettable unforgettable movies ever. Everyone remembers the scenic beauty and the characterizations but can't recall how it ended.

      • I liked it. It has this weird dreamy flow of repressed Victorian sexuality

    • Lascauxcaveman

      And "Walkabout" has some dirty parts in it that really aren't dirty at all.

  • Boojum

    I watched the whole thing. That was teh amazing. We need more standing up to shitsacks and telling them off in this country.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Don't forget the Australians brought us their particularly rancid brand of tabloid journalism – the grandfather, if not the actual bastard Lord procreator, of the FoxPAC we must put up with today.

    It all goes back to Steve Dunleavy and "Inside Edition" and it still stinks like a month-old mussel tossed on the dock and left in the hot December sun.

    PS: Tilda Swinton was bitchin' in "Michael Clayton." Sometimes I think I'm the only person on earth who liked that movie.

    • sudden_eyes

      I fucking love "Michael Clayton." Most especially Tilda. Many, many movies would be way better if she were in them.

    • eggsacklywright

      You're not alone. Tilda is mesmerizing.

    • i love 'michael clayton' (clooney at the end is outstanding – just a perfect piece of film acting).

      and tilda swinton rocks most everything she's in.

      though she's a tad weird.

  • ElPinche

    I'm thinking anti-sexism and anti-misogyny , but I'm feeling Gillard needs a spanking until her butt is nice and pink whilst I'm dressed as Crocodile Dundee. I'm so confused .

  • Francis Urquhart

    We were quite right to dispatch that felonious lot to that parched island in the South Pacific.

    • eggsacklywright

      The Fatal Shore – a wonderful history of Australia, by Robert Hughes.

  • mustangsavvy

    That arsehole Tony Abbott had this bollocking coming for way too long. Good on Julia Gillard for telling him to fuck off with his bullshit. Fucking Liberals, always the bloody sanctimonious hypocrite (yes, conservatives in Australia are the Liberal Party….so confusing!) I'm a proud Labour supporter today, my Yankee friends!

    Also – I think Congress would be more fun if the words "bitch" and "witch" were allowed in its hallowed halls =)

    Seriously, Gillard fucking ripped strips off Abbott – using his own words, no less! To his face!! I watched this yesterday and it was a thoroughly enjoyable 15 mins!

    Sexism is alive and well in Australia! As an Aussie woman, it absolutely doesn't even surprise me one little bit to read those texts. Glad to see some things haven't changed much since I left =) Still love the place though =)

  • cheetojeebus

    She's feisty, Let me be the first to say, I'd hit that, you know, respectfully.

  • Calapine

    Am I the only one who fell for the Tilda Swinton is prime minister joke? *blush*

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Saucy Aussie Gingers.

    It sounds like a snack food, but it's probably more than you can handle, mate.

    • bonghitforjesus

      finger licking good!

  • MrsConclusion

    Why would you say Tilda Swinton when it's obviously Jodie Foster in a red wig?

  • ttommyunger

    Sort of gives a new twist to the term "down under".

  • BoroPrimorac

    I’m sure I’m not the only male in Wonkettistan who, when PM Gillard dropped her first bitch slap, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, “Hey, I think she just disciplined me.” By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen.

  • Callyson

    This is all too much for my delicate ladybrain.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    She may not look like much to us but she's big down under. Seriously though, I wish Obama had her balls.

    • and abbott (richard from downton abbey) sounds like he's a pretty big asshole no?

      yeah, i'd love to hear 15 minutes of this kind of attack on romney.

  • wait! i thought they had hobbits there!

  • doloras

    Usually the Aussie leftists hate Gillard because she's been even more disappointing in office than Barry O. But they're all jumping up and down and cheering for her on this one.

    Tony Abbott, by the way: he's nothing but a skinny Newt Gingrich. And he might be the next Prime Minister. Yeah, dwell on that for a while.

  • DeathofKoalas

    Point of order! Peter Slipper is not a member of the Prime Minister's Labour Party but a Member of the opposition (conservative) Liberal Party. He was nominated for Speaker of the House by the PM in order for Labour to eke out another vote in a very close Parliament (the Speaker does not vote) and maintain a slim majority in the house with the support of greens and independents. Seconds after taking the job all his former staffers started coming out with stories about how Slipper was a bit handsy and mouthsy with the ladies, and now Tony 'massively disproportionate ears' Abbott is blaming the PM and is all faux- reaching for the fainting couch. Hence Julia unleashing some righteous hell fury on his ass, because he really is a total sexist wanker.

    • Negropolis

      Thanks for explaining that. I'd been under the impression that he was a Labour member, and that it was actually kind of galling for Gillard to try and flip the script on Abbott. I kept hearing she was a hypocrite for this, and was very confused. Seems like his nomination was purely political and shrewd.

      Abbott's been preening around Australian politics like God's gift to the nation for some time now. It's about time someone put his peacock ass in check. He'd not have any problem fitting into the Republican Party here in the states.

      That said, I wish Gillard would be a bit more brave on actual policy. I understand her razor thing margins, but she's quite a bit to the right of Obama on quite a few domestic and social issues.

  • Negropolis

    Abbott's smirk has always driven me crazy. I mean, his smirk is more angering that Mitt Romney's, even.

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