BITCHES MAN ... BITCHES  10:45 am October 11, 2012

Aussie Prime Minister Broad Natters On And On, Won’t Shut Trap About ‘Sexism’

by Rebecca Schoenkopf


Above, via LittleGreenFootballs, is a quite enjoyable 15 minutes of Australian Prime Minister Tilda Swinton smearing her menses all over the leader of the opposition, Richard from Downton Abbey, for being a total sexist lorry. It is because some other dude, this “Slipper” fellow (who serves with Tilda in the Labor Party, which is center-left) sent some nasty sext messages to this other dude, Ashby, and Ashby has charged him with sexual harrassment, and Richard from Downton Abbey (who is in the Liberal Party, which is like the conservatives there?) decided to lecture Tilda Swinton about misogyny. (But not about not sexually harrassing gay guys?) Do you think Tilda Swinton cared for being lectured by Richard from Downton Abbey after all he did to Lady Mary? SHE DID NOT! So you can watch that, it is fun how she reduces all the male members to big moaning babies because she is all like “hey, sexism exists.”

But more importantly, WHAT DID THE OFFENSIVE TEXTS SAY???

From News.com.au (that means “Australia”!):

  • “Brough is a c..t,” Mr Slipper said in a text on October 10 last year. Soon after, he said: ”Funny how we say that a person is a c..t when many guys like c..ts.”
  • ‘They look like mussell (sic) removed from its shell. Look at a bottle of mussel meat. Salty C..ts in brine.”
  • “Been to thw (sic) fish shop yet to buy the bottle of shell less Mussells (sic)?”
  • On October 12 Mr Slipper referred to Liberal front bencher Sophie Mirabella, who had criticised him. “Yes i agree she did push it too far. But did she do it because you’re mates or she’s just an ignorant botch (sic)?” he said in a text.
  • On October 14, Mr Slipper questioned the relationship between Mr Ashby and “Bill”. “Is he a special friend or just business?” he asked Mr Ashby about the man. Then, on October 16, Mr Slipper enquired whether Mr Ashby, after a night out, was not just tired but “shagged”. Mr Ashby took that as a reference to sexual relations.
  • There was another Bill reference on October 16 when Mr Slipper said: “Sounds to me that you may have broken the drought.” And on October 28, “Did you lose your maidenhood”, followed by a reference to Mr Ashby’s “virtual hymen”.
  • Attention went back to Mr Brough, whom on December 3 Mr Slipper called “that little f..ker on the Bolt Report.”
  • Late in December, Mr Slipper playfully reprimanded Mr Ashby by saying: “I’m going to smack u. Arhhhhhhhh.” Mr Ashby replied, “Ah I might like it. Tho I’m not into pain.”
  • On January 18, after Mr Slipper had not heard from his adviser for a while, Mr Ashby joked he had quit. “Y r a cccc….tttttt :),” Mr Slipper replied. “Cccccccc…..t.”

(“Cunt.” The word is “cunt.”)

TO THE SMELLING SALTS! Someone said a vagina looked slimy! But that he liked them anyway! Also, Ashby, dude, sack the fuck up. We’ve seen better sexual harrassment cases on your mom, last night.

[LGF / News.com]

 
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{ 109 comments }

BadKitty904 October 11, 2012 at 10:49 am

What the hell?

Mumbletypeg October 11, 2012 at 10:52 am

We're gonna need a bigger arsenal of Aussie-Brit conflated references.

And a youtube-access/ unblocked at my workplace would be helpful too. Until then I'm having Newsroom-Confuseroom flashbacks.

hagajim October 11, 2012 at 10:50 am

Righto…I followed that not in the least. G'Day!

sullivanst October 11, 2012 at 11:04 am

Don't come the raw prawn with me mate, just chuck a coupla shrimp on the barbie, crack open a stubby and lay back. No wussas!

actor212 October 11, 2012 at 11:09 am

I think this right calls for a schooner, dontye?

sudsmckenzie October 11, 2012 at 10:50 am

Douchebags on the Barbie.

Indiepalin October 11, 2012 at 10:50 am

I plead the fifth.

Baconzgood October 11, 2012 at 10:50 am

KRIKEY!!!!!!!!

Pookums October 11, 2012 at 10:51 am

You know what was awesome? Watching that smug prick slowly deflate into himself. I was kinda hoping, however, that he would pull a knife on her and then she would pull out her knife and say, "…that's not a knife, mate…"

teebob2000 October 11, 2012 at 11:15 am

That's not a misogynist comment, mate. THIS is a misogynist comment.

Woodshedding October 11, 2012 at 8:27 pm

I know, at first he was all arrogant ha ha smirkiness and then when she started giving actual FACTS, quoting his misogynistic statements, he was like "How DARE you bring the truth into POLITICS! BITCH! Now I'm SUPER pissed! Don'y you know the RULES, Cunt?!?"

Baconzgood October 11, 2012 at 10:51 am

This isn't helping her make my sandwich any faster.

sudsmckenzie October 11, 2012 at 11:08 am

You mean vegemite sandwich's?

eggsacklywright October 11, 2012 at 11:15 am

'Down, down in Bombay,
Slack-jawed, not much to say."

Esteev October 11, 2012 at 11:14 am

My beer is still unopened also, too.

Pragmatist2 October 11, 2012 at 10:52 am

I have decided not to order the mussels at the Outback Steak House ever again.

deanbooth October 11, 2012 at 10:54 am

These guys are geniuses. I bet they belong to Menses.

Esteev October 11, 2012 at 10:55 am

Women: can't legislate with them and they can't pee standing up.

LibertyLover October 11, 2012 at 11:05 am

Wanna bet?

Esteev October 11, 2012 at 11:11 am

Just avoid the rug this time.

actor212 October 11, 2012 at 11:26 am

I knew one girl who could write her name five feet up on a wall.

Esteev October 11, 2012 at 11:32 am

And you let her just whizz right out of your life?!

oenspiek October 11, 2012 at 10:55 am

Glad there are so few actual problems for the Oz House of Reps to worry about!

Schmannnity October 11, 2012 at 10:55 am

These are the worst Penthouse writings ever.

CivilMcMannerly October 11, 2012 at 10:55 am

What a bunch of ignorant botches… And shellfish cunts.

Baconzgood October 11, 2012 at 10:56 am

Misogyny is wrong. Having said that who is that hot piece of ass in the top left at 3:00?

the_onceler October 11, 2012 at 10:57 am

I know everything about Aussies already: "where women glow and men plunder"

eggsacklywright October 11, 2012 at 11:16 am

Or is that chunder?

Tundra Grifter October 11, 2012 at 11:34 am

Men plunder in the land down under? Where's that Veggimite sandwich?

ChillBill October 11, 2012 at 10:58 am

I thought Gina Rinehart was running Australia.

ManchuCandidate October 11, 2012 at 10:58 am

You call that sexual harassment?

/pulls out Google search/
http://www.legalzoom.com/legal-headlines/corporat

That's sexual harassment.

DemmeFatale October 11, 2012 at 11:25 am

Long ago, when I was a (shitty) tech writer, I was visiting a company, when I heard the CEO bark: "Get me a pair of tits, I need to write something down!"
It was the early 80"s.
(He must have been a relic from the Mad Men era)

Lascauxcaveman October 11, 2012 at 11:55 am

An ex-boss of mine at an advertising agency I worked for in the 80s kept the current issue of Penthouse on his office foyer magazine table.

shelwood46 October 11, 2012 at 3:18 pm

When I became a volunteer firefighter in the '80s, they still brought in strippers to the quarterly County Firemen's Meeting. Multiple strippers, to the firehouse. When I, being a woman, would hide in the next room, someone would invariably come in and lament to me about the good old days, when the "girls" were still willing to give BJs in the bathroom for extra tips.

EatsBabyDingos October 11, 2012 at 10:59 am

Is this the script to the next Crobile Dundee flick?

sudsmckenzie October 11, 2012 at 11:10 am

You call that Slipper, This is a Mr. Slipper.

EatsBabyDingos October 11, 2012 at 11:24 am

It was supposed to be "Crocobile" and it was written by Sheila Foster, who is known for her girl beer.

freakishlywrong October 11, 2012 at 10:59 am

We could use more of this in U.S of America's batshit insane House of Reps. Maybe they'll learn where the babbies are aborted.

Esteev October 11, 2012 at 11:01 am

Guano Libel!

Schmannnity October 11, 2012 at 11:00 am

It is interesting to see a house of representatives where the members show up and sit in the chamber on a regular basis.

Roy Hobbson October 11, 2012 at 11:00 am

"Remove her uterus! With a rope! That'll quiet 'er down." -Georgia Rep. Dr. Paul Broun, if he were on the Australian House Science Committee

Esteev October 11, 2012 at 11:05 am

"I bet this c..t. FLOATS!" "Doctor" Broun did not continue.

PuckStopsHere October 11, 2012 at 11:01 am

And here I thought Aussies (Aussie, Aussie, Oy, Oy, Oy!) were perfect gentlemen. You know, like that Mel Gibson fellow.

FakaktaSouth October 11, 2012 at 11:01 am

Well, needless to say, I like the cunt slinger. And I don't think you can tell someone you might like their smacking as long as it's painless and then go off bitching about it later. That makes you a cunt.

Boojum October 11, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Is it sexist for me to say that the Australian Prime Minister turns me on?

teebob2000 October 11, 2012 at 11:02 am

Can we make her a retroactive Natural Born US Citizen so she can be president?

Lascauxcaveman October 11, 2012 at 11:58 am

She's actually from Wales. But they had an American MP a year or two ago that was supposedly being groomed for the PM slot. Kind of a hottie, IIRC.

Weenus299 October 11, 2012 at 11:02 am

Pip pip cheerio, toss another c…t on the barbie and all that rot. GOD SAVE THE C…T.

And by that I completely mean Connecticut.

sullivanst October 11, 2012 at 11:08 am

As long as you weren't all about the conspiracy theory.

Lascauxcaveman October 11, 2012 at 11:59 am

I Like the c..t of your jib, mate.

sbj1964 October 11, 2012 at 11:02 am

Ladies remember you are the driving force behind human cultural development.Why do men start wars because women dig guys in uniform.Why did we send a Man to the moon?Because Women dig Astronauts.Why do Men go to work every day? Because women like guys with jobs.Without you we would be nothing but a bunch of hairy Apes sitting on rocks fondling ourselves.

Blueb4sinrise October 11, 2012 at 11:36 am

[slowly edges away from rock]

Boojum October 11, 2012 at 11:36 am

Hmmm…that sitting on rocks thing sounds pretty attractive right now.

weejee October 11, 2012 at 11:03 am

m' Tilda is not just waltzin'. Can't wait to see what she has in her tucker-bag.

BaldarTFlagass October 11, 2012 at 11:03 am

Australia? Two words: Yahoo Serious.

BaldarTFlagass October 11, 2012 at 11:05 am

So, the US hasn't entirely cornered the market on stupidity.

actor212 October 11, 2012 at 11:05 am

¿ɹǝqoʇʞɔoɔ

freakishlywrong October 11, 2012 at 11:06 am

So, these douchebags had a sausage fest..

actor212 October 11, 2012 at 11:06 am

‘They look like mussell (sic) removed from its shell. Look at a bottle of mussel meat. Salty C..ts in brine.”

Cockles and mussells! Alive, alive-ooooooo!

HouseOfTheBlueLights October 11, 2012 at 4:51 pm

This is the first time I've understood that song.

TavariousChinaSmith October 11, 2012 at 11:09 am

The funniest bit here is when the New Yorker wrote about it, they said, "…he compared female genitalia to a particular kind of shellfish," as though they were far too delicate to actually name the mollusc in question. Personally, I prefer them when they remind me of oysters.

Actually the funniest bit was watching the leader of the opposition turn from a smirking wombat into a pile of koala pooh over the course of 15 minutes.

actor212 October 11, 2012 at 11:11 am

Bearded clam fan, meself

johnnyzhivago October 11, 2012 at 11:10 am

I thought Austrians spoke German?

johnnyzhivago October 11, 2012 at 12:44 pm

That's easy:

Austrians are the ones who throw shrimp on the Barbie.

Hitler was an Australian like Olivia Newton-John.

johnnyzhivago October 11, 2012 at 12:49 pm
prommie October 11, 2012 at 11:10 am

This lady has the power to reduce all the male members? She is like the anti-viagra!

actor212 October 11, 2012 at 11:11 am

Angry pretty woman is teh hawt!

Esteev October 11, 2012 at 11:19 am

Did you teach Slipper all he knows? Inquiring minds, etc.

actor212 October 11, 2012 at 11:25 am

My influence exceeds my grasp

actor212 October 11, 2012 at 11:12 am

I like how every woman is hanging on Gillard's every word, while the men all admire the ceiling frescoes.

smashedinhat October 11, 2012 at 11:13 am

Being as redneck down under is it's a brilliant thing to hear a sheila stand up and cut the nads off some punter in such a public way. Fifteen minutes of bitch slapping. Wowzers.

qwerty42 October 11, 2012 at 2:44 pm

With all the references to when he said this or that and the sceptre (or mace or something) sitting on the table between them and always the "leader of the opposition". Yes, well done.

Oblios_Cap October 11, 2012 at 11:19 am

That makes me want a vegamite sandwich.

LibertyLover October 11, 2012 at 11:29 am

Nothing could make me want a vegamite sandwich.

Tundra Grifter October 11, 2012 at 11:36 am

Sorry – I should know enough to read all the comments first.

You may call "Jinx" at your leisure.

mrblifil October 11, 2012 at 11:20 am

Put her and Elizabeth Warren in a room together and commence with the seventies slap-bass porn tracks… for THEIR gratification, well deserved, certainly not for MINE!

terriblyfamous October 11, 2012 at 11:22 am

I hope that when Tilda Swinton stars in the blockbuster rendition of this moment, she wears that outfit from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

gullywompr October 11, 2012 at 11:26 am

I tried to come up with something witty about how Vegamite on toast every morning is the cause of this whole thing, but failed. Chunder, also too.

docterry6973 October 11, 2012 at 11:28 am

Australians talk funny. Why is that?

LibertyLover October 11, 2012 at 11:32 am

The leader of the opposition party might just need an abortion after that legitimate verbal rape.

DerrickWildcat October 11, 2012 at 11:32 am

"Picnic at Hanging Rock" Is an Australian movie that is dirty without being dirty.

James Michael Curley October 11, 2012 at 11:55 am

One of the most forgettable unforgettable movies ever. Everyone remembers the scenic beauty and the characterizations but can't recall how it ended.

DerrickWildcat October 11, 2012 at 12:11 pm

I liked it. It has this weird dreamy flow of repressed Victorian sexuality

Lascauxcaveman October 11, 2012 at 12:04 pm

And "Walkabout" has some dirty parts in it that really aren't dirty at all.

DerrickWildcat October 11, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I liked that movie.

Boojum October 11, 2012 at 11:37 am

I watched the whole thing. That was teh amazing. We need more standing up to shitsacks and telling them off in this country.

Tundra Grifter October 11, 2012 at 11:39 am

Don't forget the Australians brought us their particularly rancid brand of tabloid journalism – the grandfather, if not the actual bastard Lord procreator, of the FoxPAC we must put up with today.

It all goes back to Steve Dunleavy and "Inside Edition" and it still stinks like a month-old mussel tossed on the dock and left in the hot December sun.

PS: Tilda Swinton was bitchin' in "Michael Clayton." Sometimes I think I'm the only person on earth who liked that movie.

sudden_eyes October 11, 2012 at 11:59 am

I fucking love "Michael Clayton." Most especially Tilda. Many, many movies would be way better if she were in them.

eggsacklywright October 11, 2012 at 12:18 pm

You're not alone. Tilda is mesmerizing.

fuflans October 11, 2012 at 3:23 pm

i love 'michael clayton' (clooney at the end is outstanding – just a perfect piece of film acting).

and tilda swinton rocks most everything she's in.

though she's a tad weird.

ElPinche October 11, 2012 at 11:46 am

I'm thinking anti-sexism and anti-misogyny , but I'm feeling Gillard needs a spanking until her butt is nice and pink whilst I'm dressed as Crocodile Dundee. I'm so confused .

Francis Urquhart October 11, 2012 at 11:49 am

We were quite right to dispatch that felonious lot to that parched island in the South Pacific.

eggsacklywright October 11, 2012 at 12:19 pm

The Fatal Shore – a wonderful history of Australia, by Robert Hughes.

mustangsavvy October 11, 2012 at 11:57 am

That arsehole Tony Abbott had this bollocking coming for way too long. Good on Julia Gillard for telling him to fuck off with his bullshit. Fucking Liberals, always the bloody sanctimonious hypocrite (yes, conservatives in Australia are the Liberal Party….so confusing!) I'm a proud Labour supporter today, my Yankee friends!

Also – I think Congress would be more fun if the words "bitch" and "witch" were allowed in its hallowed halls =)

Seriously, Gillard fucking ripped strips off Abbott – using his own words, no less! To his face!! I watched this yesterday and it was a thoroughly enjoyable 15 mins!

Sexism is alive and well in Australia! As an Aussie woman, it absolutely doesn't even surprise me one little bit to read those texts. Glad to see some things haven't changed much since I left =) Still love the place though =)

cheetojeebus October 11, 2012 at 12:01 pm

She's feisty, Let me be the first to say, I'd hit that, you know, respectfully.

Calapine October 11, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Am I the only one who fell for the Tilda Swinton is prime minister joke? *blush*

Lascauxcaveman October 11, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Saucy Aussie Gingers.

It sounds like a snack food, but it's probably more than you can handle, mate.

bonghitforjesus October 11, 2012 at 4:28 pm

finger licking good!

MrsConclusion October 11, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Why would you say Tilda Swinton when it's obviously Jodie Foster in a red wig?

ttommyunger October 11, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Sort of gives a new twist to the term "down under".

BoroPrimorac October 11, 2012 at 12:51 pm

I’m sure I’m not the only male in Wonkettistan who, when PM Gillard dropped her first bitch slap, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, “Hey, I think she just disciplined me.” By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen.

Callyson October 11, 2012 at 12:56 pm

This is all too much for my delicate ladybrain.

Thurman Munster IV October 11, 2012 at 1:39 pm

She may not look like much to us but she's big down under. Seriously though, I wish Obama had her balls.

fuflans October 11, 2012 at 3:30 pm

and abbott (richard from downton abbey) sounds like he's a pretty big asshole no?

yeah, i'd love to hear 15 minutes of this kind of attack on romney.

fuflans October 11, 2012 at 3:31 pm

wait! i thought they had hobbits there!

doloras October 11, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Usually the Aussie leftists hate Gillard because she's been even more disappointing in office than Barry O. But they're all jumping up and down and cheering for her on this one.

Tony Abbott, by the way: he's nothing but a skinny Newt Gingrich. And he might be the next Prime Minister. Yeah, dwell on that for a while.

DeathofKoalas October 11, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Point of order! Peter Slipper is not a member of the Prime Minister's Labour Party but a Member of the opposition (conservative) Liberal Party. He was nominated for Speaker of the House by the PM in order for Labour to eke out another vote in a very close Parliament (the Speaker does not vote) and maintain a slim majority in the house with the support of greens and independents. Seconds after taking the job all his former staffers started coming out with stories about how Slipper was a bit handsy and mouthsy with the ladies, and now Tony 'massively disproportionate ears' Abbott is blaming the PM and is all faux- reaching for the fainting couch. Hence Julia unleashing some righteous hell fury on his ass, because he really is a total sexist wanker.

Negropolis October 12, 2012 at 2:34 am

Thanks for explaining that. I'd been under the impression that he was a Labour member, and that it was actually kind of galling for Gillard to try and flip the script on Abbott. I kept hearing she was a hypocrite for this, and was very confused. Seems like his nomination was purely political and shrewd.

Abbott's been preening around Australian politics like God's gift to the nation for some time now. It's about time someone put his peacock ass in check. He'd not have any problem fitting into the Republican Party here in the states.

That said, I wish Gillard would be a bit more brave on actual policy. I understand her razor thing margins, but she's quite a bit to the right of Obama on quite a few domestic and social issues.

Negropolis October 12, 2012 at 2:29 am

Abbott's smirk has always driven me crazy. I mean, his smirk is more angering that Mitt Romney's, even.

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