hey mom you're in jail

‘Jail Is For Democrats,’ Explains Awesome Racist Drunk GOP Mom On Way To Pokey

Not intended to be a factual portraitOh Charlene Idelle Hunziker, 47, of Council Bluffs, Iowa, gurrrrl, don’t you ever change! First, a liquid lunch at PF Chang’s, where you harass all the customers about NOBAMA being a Muslin; second, embarrass your daughter so much that she leaves you down in Chinatown (or at least the West Des Moines version thereof); third, explain to the copper on call that you don’t need jailing, as that is for little people, like Democrats, and not fine upstanding Republicans like you; four, ?????; and five, PROFIT!

Officer Chris Morgan said in his report that when he arrived, Hunziker reportedly yelled at him and said he didn’t need to be there because “she was a Republican.”

Hunziker reportedly refused a sobriety test and admitted to having consumed alcohol, but insisted she was not drunk, according to the report.

A witness reportedly told Morgan that Hunziker was drunk and had been bothering other customers with her opinions about the previous night’s presidential debate, her support for Romney and her belief that “Obama had ruined this country and … Muslims were causing America all these problems.”

Thanks, ActorBut all of those things are simple objective FACT! Why is the West Desmoines Gestapo jailing Charlene Hunziker for her Constitutional Right of Free Speech (drunkenly yelling about Muslins and refusing to leave someone else’s private property)??? Next thing you know, someone will put her in a gulag by criticizing her drunken race-baiting!

We for one would never do that.

En route to the police station, where she was booked before being transported to the Polk County Jail, Hunziker reportedly said that “she was doing this because she was a good mother.”

One good mother to another.

[WestDesMoinesPatch, via Fark]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • Lucidamente1

    I would really like to see her birth certificate.

    • Not_So_Much

      It's probably somewhere in that lake of P.F. Chunks.

    • Negropolis

      Hell, I want to see her sobriety certificate, first.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    As Joe Scarborough would say, "SWEET JESUS!"

    My eyes!!! I can't even read the article until that picture goes away.

    • cousinitt

      Possibly the most disturbing thing I have ever seen.

      More plz!

      Get my shrink on the line…

    • Callyson

      Seriously–I thought I (unwillingly) got a view of her vagina. Where the fuck did I put the eye bleach?

      • emmelemm

        Even if we didn't see it, the thought that we might have….

        AAAUUUGHHH

      • PugglesRule

        The possible hooha sighting is even worse than the apparent view of her drunken upchucking. Don't bogart that eye bleach, my friend – pass it over to me.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      It's just the Palin Before picture.

    • rickmaci

      One time when I'm really glad there was no side boob pic.

  • PuckStopsHere

    It don't get any more American than PF Chang's! USA! USA! USA!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I can't believe that cop didn't let her go.

    • Negropolis

      I can't believe the cops didn't deck her as they seem wont to do, these days.

  • The_Peckerwood

    Jail is for Democrats…. Democratic politicians that is. And you can add GOP politicians and bankers to that list too.

  • crybabyboehner

    Is it against the law nowadays to get drunk and show your ass?

    Freedum, I weep for thee.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    You can't arrest me! I'm an American a Republican!

    • PsycWench

      Wonder if she expected the Kock brothers to bail her out.

  • red_kira

    There's a Chinatown in Council Bluffs? Maybe that's where all the jobs are?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      The PF Chang's in Council Bluffs is Chinatown.

      • UnholyMoses

        And if it's like the one here in KC, it's ran by Messicans. (Honest.)

      • mavenmaven

        There's very little that's Chinese about that chain, least of all the food.

      • Theywontlisten

        In Nebraska they call Council Bluffs Counciltucky Pot meet Kettle, pleased to meet you hope guessed my name

    • finette_

      West Des Moines. (And no, there's not really.)

  • nounverb911

    I keep hearing about this magical place called Iowa, where is it exactly?

    • snowpointsecret

      Just a bit northeast of Jesusland.

    • kyeshinka

      Just off the Interstate if you get lost. (That's how Bill Bryson wound up there apparently.)

    • UnholyMoses

      It's where my sister-in-law's racist, bigoted, alcoholic, douche-baggy, incredibly huge asshole of a husband lives.

      IOW: This Mom of the Year is fairly typical in those parts … as is the smell of pigshit.

      • kyeshinka

        More likely it's meth.

        • UnholyMoses

          No. Trust me. It's pigshit.

          • kyeshinka

            The farmer inside the 10,000 head confinement is probably doing the meth.

      • An_Outhouse

        are you saying your brother is an asshole?

    • mrpuma2u

      Hey no ragging on Iowa, it's not all bad. She is from the west, crazy douchey part by Nebraska. The eastern part is OK, it has the people's republic of Iowa City, and some elements of civilization.

      • kyeshinka

        Thank you. It takes us until 2 am until we start talking about how much a banker-lovin' plutocrat Obama is.

      • UnholyMoses

        Iowa does have the nicest damn rest stops I've ever seen.

        So +1 for that.

        • commiegirl99

          NEBRASKA LIBEL!

        • finallyhappy

          also huge cinnamon buns at the Machine Shed

        • kyeshinka

          You may have given my state a new slogan, "Our rest stops are number 1 when you it's time for Number 2."

        • Negropolis

          Ohio Turnpike libel!

        • bravo_sierra

          Have you patronised the fine establishments of Wyoming? My stars, for a state that is nothing but coyotes and Class A Kill Storms, they have spectacular rest stops.

    • Theywontlisten

      Where the streets have no names and the folks have no brains

    • Negropolis

      Somewhere west of Chicago. On our maps here in Michigan, Iowa is out in "there be dragons" territory before you hit the Rockies when everything comes back into view.

      No, but seriously, I hear Des Moines is Iowa City, and the stuff along the Mississippi has a bit of history.

    • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

      International Organization of Women Athletes?

  • Hammiepants

    That picture transported me directly into a new and dreadful world. Jesus.

    • mrpuma2u

      It caused my retinas to itch and burn.

      • mille derps

        What has been seen can never be unseen.

        –Not Confucius

      • Esteev

        You say "retinas" but I don't believe you.

  • I_P

    Jesus H. Christ on a cracker – I'm eating here! Yeesh!

    • UnholyMoses

      Bet you're not any more …

      • I_P

        God. It was chili and now I have indigestion. *shakes tiny fist*

  • snowpointsecret

    It said right there in the Bible that Jesus got drunk and yelled at Liberals for helping the poor and such! It's in Koch 1:4!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212
    • Esteev

      I'll fight you for her.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        *waves white flag*

        • Esteev

          *puts on glasses*

          Uh, on second thought you have 'er…

          *sprints to car, slams door, peels out*

          • Gleem McShineys

            Careful while speeding across Lake Chunkalumps

    • edgydrifter

      It's like William H. Macy got caught in the detention level trash compactor.

    • Theywontlisten

      Yep she looks like the one that got away

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Mom?

    • valgal2342

      Man, she sure lost a lot of weight by the time they took her mug shot from all that P.F Chunking.

    • I_P

      Hott. In a drunken, meth sexy way.

    • PugglesRule

      She sort of looks like Charlize Theron as Aileen Wuornos in MONSTER. Apologies to Charlize.

  • Callyson

    two things that don’t mix – alcohol and politics

    What? The latter necessitates the former by definition…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    That sure is a pretty Pavement Pizza in that pic up there.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I get this image of Jackson Pollock rolling over in his grave.

  • kissawookiee

    That picture will keep me from eating PF Chang's for the rest of forever. And all other foods as well. So thanks for that.

    • An_Outhouse

      new diet. that picture om your fridge.

    • LACorvus

      Dining at PF Chang's did the same for me; the picture is merely a reinforcement.

  • Lucidamente1

    Uh, Editrix, next time just give us the real mug shot

    http://www.mugshotreport.com/charlene-idelle-hunz

    It's bad enough as is, and I won't have to have my eyeballs removed.

    • Isyaignert

      Having your eyeballs removed will not cure the searing memory that is now etched in your brain like a tattoo – a picture like that calls for brain bleach.

  • keepwalkin

    Fat, drunk, and blowing chunks is no way to go through life, my dear.

  • SnarkOff

    Fat, drunk and Republican is no way to go through life.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      That ain't her.

      • SnarkOff

        I'm just saying, in general.

  • Callyson

    The report said Hunziker kicked, screamed and struggled as Morgan and a backup officer tried to handcuff her and place her in the squad car.

    Bitch better count her blessings that she did not pull this crap with LAPD…

    • kyeshinka

      Des Moines police are pussycats for the most part, at least that's been my experience.

    • Mittaplasia

      Let's All Pound the Dude (or, Dudette, in this case).

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      "Thank God I'm white!"

    • finallyhappy

      we got tasers here in Maryland for a reason

  • DarkHippie

    Is she even wearing pants? I think I see the continental divide

    • UnholyMoses

      Front butt

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I get my history confused. Should she have taken the Donner Pass?

  • UnholyMoses

    This thread is going to be impossible to masturbate to …

    … hell, that pic is going to make it impossible to masturbate anywhere for at least a day or two. Just … wow.

    • Esteev

      Challenge Accepted

    • CommieLibunatic

      We can do it if we all just take a deep breath, close our eyes, and imagine a lady/fellow of our choice emerging from the surf ala Ursula Andress in Dr. No.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I think Editrix is trying to kill our libidoes until Obama wins re-election. Make us ornery and angry and willing to get out and do the work he needs from us.

      Well, it won't work, Trix! We have….alcohol!

    • Fare la Volpe

      Eh, I think we all needed to go a bit easy on the old pud anyway.

      Poor little fella's all tuckered out.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        harumphmutterfrumble

        Besides, I'm all out of rock polish anyway.

        hurrumph

  • Meathamper

    Other things that jail is for: fans of daytime television, members of tribute bands for The Bangles, and L Ron Hubbard.

    • SnarkOff

      May I add people who wear leggings as pants?

    • Esteev

      Fans of the Offspring, too, also, please.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      [removes wig] Susanna Hoffs LIBEL!

  • http://matthewgreenbaum.com swordfis

    Are the grotesque images that accompany articles part of some secret Clockwork Orange desensitization program? And, while I'm on the subject, who exactly is that enormously fat guy at his computer? Is he a meme?

    • AncienReggie

      No, he's meme.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Forget it, Charlene. It's Chinatown.

    • dr_giraud

      Actually, *that* pic reminds me of the end of Johnny LaRue's Polynesian Town.

  • Esteev

    Hunziker reportedly said that “she was doing this because she was a good mother a Republican "

    FTFY

  • Trannysurprise

    When does she start writing her fitness book?

  • Blunderthing

    We love watching white trash of both political persuasions come up with new and inventive ways to entertain those of us with more genteel addictions.

  • Crank_Tango

    And if she were a demoncrap, the wingnuts would make all these posts about how she was going to get raped in jail. But we don't do that, so I will just wonder if PF Chang is related to Senor Chang?

  • AlterNewt

    No. No. No.

  • UnholyMoses

    "Hunziker reportedly refused a sobriety test and admitted to having consumed alcohol, but insisted she was not drunk … "

    You know, given what we read here everyday, there is a good chance that she's just a stupid, mouthy twunt. She is, after all, from Iowa. So we can't rule that out.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    She's probably doing this to pad her resume for her upcoming run for city council or state senate.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      upcoming *reelection* run, you mean?

    • Stevola

      Is there an opening at Fox?

    • Negropolis

      Please. She's Senate-grade material for the GOP.

  • Baconzgood

    Now now now. Let's not rush to judge. Who hasn't been drunk at P.F. Changs at 3:45 on a Friday? Anyone? Anyone at all here on Wonkette?

    I thought so…

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Hell, by 3:45 I wouldn't be able to locate a P.F. Changs. <closes lower file cabinet with foot>

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        By 3:45 I can't locate my foot.

    • finallyhappy

      I don't drink – ok, I had a glass of cider this year -but due to natural insanity or hormonal imbalance- I act like I am on something

      • NellCote71

        Lucky you. Look at the money you save.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    If you thought that was bad, you should've seen her at the Values Voters summit.

    Her tagline: "Must've been summit' I ate!"

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    She's right, you know — America was getting along just fine until that Muhammad came along and ruined everything.

    • Esteev

      Summun hadda say et *hic*

    • CindynEncinitas

      He's not Muhammad! He's engaged to Muhammad. Or something. I'm not feeling so good. I think I need ta peeeeeooook!

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Is she the one who is starring in the Hulk Hogan sex tape? The tape hasn't come to my local motion picture theater yet.

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Now I'm going to have to spend half an hour at LolzCats to get that picture out of my mind.

  • widestanceromance

    I'm confused by the photo: is she losing her lunch on the sidewalk or powerfully sucking up someone else's from the sidewalk? She looks in her element either way.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      It's good to have a hobby.

      It's good to see she's getting out of the house, you know?

    • Negropolis

      You just made me laugh SO hard. lol

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Mmmmm. As a pallet cleanser here is the story about the mom of the former SEAL who was killed in Bengazi and who Willard was bragging about knowing. She 'doesn't trust Romney.' Even though her son Glen was no longer active duty, she should still get a Gold Star. Defending your country, is what should count not which federal agency was signing you paycheck.

    • Beowoof

      Thank you I needed that story.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        Thanks. Made my day too.

    • CindynEncinitas

      And he was from Encinitas, also, too, so thanks, Mom! Dang it! We don't need no stinking bullshit from Willard up here. Keep it down below the Merge, fucker.

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      ahh i see between this and the abortion flip flop coverage we're starting to get back to normal.

  • justkillmenow

    The PF Changs in West DesMoines is out by the big ass mall. Right next to the Joe's Crab Shack and On the Border. So, you know, Chinatown for sure.

    Iowa used to be a really sane place. I swear. My 85 yr old mother still lives there and is a vocal democrat. I weep for my home state…

    • snowpointsecret

      I always got the impression that western Iowa was crazy and eastern Iowa was okay, has this changed recently?

      • justkillmenow

        There is some crazy in Pleasant Hill just outside DesMoines. But generally, you are correct. The Iowa 5 is home to Steve King, the crown prince of crazy.

    • DCBloom

      I had a great time once in Ames…. But I guess that college towns are usually outliers

      • finallyhappy

        I went to the drive in movie in Newton, Iowa- where Maytag was located and where they make Maytag blue cheese

  • TootsStansbury

    Ew gross. The picture of the barfing lady is nasty too.

  • Baconzgood

    I find this photograph diffucult to masterbate to.

  • kyeshinka

    Council Bluffs really isn't in Iowa; it's just that Omaha kicked it out the door and won't let it back in.

    • Sacanagem

      You sound like you know my people…do you know the awesome $5M footbridge they built that starts in downtown Omaha and leads on the CB side to an open swamp?

      Deeply weird place, Council Bluffs.

      • kyeshinka

        Been there a couple of times. None of them sober.

  • Schmannnity

    Top pic: Look's like the Palin diet is catching on.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      It does look like she read the galleys of Lou Sarah's diet book and has just nailed purging.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Self-Uploader

    Palin/Hunziker 2016

    • kittensdontlie

      The woman’s daughter proclaimed her mother “an embarrassment"…

      That alone is enough to get her on the ticket.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    re: alt-text

    My pleas, Trix!

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    she was doing this because she was a good mother

    Well, she got half the word right…

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Extreme Makeover artist Sharron Angle wants this assignment, bad.

  • kyeshinka

    I live in Iowa, and our drinking times do start around 9; 6 am on game days. You really don't want to watch the Hawkeyes play while you're sober.

  • Esteev

    There is nothing sexier than a woman with strong opinions. And hand-cuffs on.

  • mavenmaven

    I betcha I know who's diet book she will proudly buy!

  • Detesticle

    I long ago stopped drinking with Republicans for reasons similar to this lady's Subway sandwich vagina monologue

  • YouBetcha

    I'd hit that. Crazy in the head, crazy in the bed. You just know she's kinky. FOR JESUS.

    • Tommmcatt_Again

      Plus, the leathery quality of her skin would exfoliate you better than a day at the spa! Win-Win!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      The actual woman, or the anonymous vomiting woman?

      • YouBetcha

        Any of 'em, all of 'em Katie.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    She ain't much fun since I quit drinkin'

  • Rotundo_

    Both photos radiate the kind of class and dignity that someone who goes on a bender in a PF Changs would have. I am surprised that this "Mother of the Year" type didn't yack her cookies in the back of the squad on the way down to the pokey. The freeze frame effect on the park bench pukette photo is fantastic, someone really captured a moment with that one. I hope they took it into the photo kiosk in WalMart or someplace similar and blew it up to an 8-1/2 by 11 for a cherished memory for her.

    • Theywontlisten

      Definite Hallmark card material

  • Theywontlisten

    IOWA Idiots Out Walking Around

    • kyeshinka

      That needs to be updated. I look around at the malls here and I don't think we do enough walking.

    • Negropolis

      This is Iowa; ain't much walkin' going on, let me tell you.

  • Roy Hobbson

    Is barf lady there … is she … is she …… naked?? OH MY GOD SHE IS AND NOW I'M DEAD ON THE INSIDE AND ALSO BLIND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!!!??

  • LibertyLover

    Are we sure it wasn't Mel Gibson in drag?

  • fawkedifiknow

    She looks drunk when she's drunk.

    It's almost unfair.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I've always heard rumors about the existence of women's flapadoodle, but I never thought I'd see actual photographic evidence.

    And as for the mugshot, Ann Coulter is looking particularly like shit these days, bless his heart.

  • qwerty42

    Geeze. The closer we get to the election, the crazier some people are getting. I'm expecting quotes from Revelations or The Turner Diaries to be routine by the end of the month.

  • docterry6973

    I vaguely recall yelling while drunk back in the day, but I was never arrested and if I were I would not have told the officer that he shouldn't arrest democrats. It is never good to say things that a police officer might find unpleasant.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Nooo, Wonkette!! Not Whiskey-Shaming!!

  • LibrarianX

    When she's sober, she punches gay kids.

    • kyeshinka

      And scissor-kicks Big Bird.

  • Beowoof

    Did the woman in the pic just finish blowing Tucker Carlson?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      My inner child just asked if you were "adding insult to injury" regarding its mental image of that.

  • UnholyMoses

    MUGSHOT = The love child of Chipper Jones and William H. Macy

  • rocktonsam

    there is a Chinatown in Iowa?

    • kyeshinka

      Yes, we have two, count 'em, TWO Peking Buffets! One of the cars outside may be a Toyota, which in western Iowa is Chinese enough.

  • Mittaplasia

    She cut her leg and gravy came out? Sometimes, you just can't say, "EWWW" loud enough.

  • Sacanagem

    It's hard to believe sometimes that Iowa had honest-to-god Socialistic farming collectives (well, "farming cooperatives") up until the 1970's.

    And Council Bluffs is a very special place indeed. Sort of a smaller white Detroit.

    • finallyhappy

      Is there still a moored riverboat casino there?

    • Negropolis

      Sort of a smaller white Detroit.

      Oh, so you mean Kansas City, Missouri, then.

  • Nostrildamus

    Cripes, how many Sarah Palin pix are you going to post today?

    • Mittaplasia

      This one's different because it was day one of her new diet.

  • Radiotherapy

    Worst upskirt evah!

  • DahBoner

    I'm sorry, what did she say?

    I had my browser set to Ignore Whitespace

  • Anne_Athema

    That cavernous cranium houses little more than two neurons connected by a spirochete.

  • Yellerdawg

    Mom!

  • proudgrampa

    Why is she wearing my purple T-shirt????

  • owhatever

    I always enjoy before-and-after pictures.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    I hadn't realized puking had become a sport.

  • Tommmcatt_Again

    Drunkenness is scientifically proven to halve your intelligence, which makes Ms. Hunziger the first human on record to have an IQ expressed in irrational numbers.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Will she be a Special Guest at the next Wonkette Meet-Up?

  • pdiddycornchips

    She's very lucky. I hear if Obama wins in November, it'll be Sharia Law and instead of sleeping her drunk off in the pokey, there will be public flogging followed by a ritual stoning. Because that's what happens to Christian good mothers.

  • http://writechic.wordpress.com/ writechic

    Is that a quadratwat?

  • CindynEncinitas

    If she ain't got no drawers on, that means she's also waxed. Bless her precious heart.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    From Wiki: "Council Bluffs, known until 1852 as Kanesville, Iowa—the historic starting point of the Mormon Trail"

    I blame R-money. And if he wins, we'll all be like that lady on the bench and then arrested and converted and force-marched down the Mormon Trail.

    At least, that's what I heard Romney would do.

  • glamourdammerung

    Personal responsibility!

    I can not wait to see sites like Big Failure spin this as Nobamar's thugs arresting good patriot types.

  • ElPinche

    Gretchen Carlson will be cuddling her like a little baby on Fox&Friends tomorrow.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    This entire blog can be shipped to Afghanistan, no one has lost any

  • fishwharf

    I think I see some Chick-fil-A in the barf.

    • rmjagg

      it isn't chick-fil-a , it's mel gibson

  • mosjef

    If I'm not mistaken, that is PF Chang's dim sum and sesame noodles special.

  • poorgradstudent

    How many people went all Arc of the Covenant over that first picture?

  • Negropolis

    What? She didn't Stand Her Ground?

  • ttommyunger

    Who said the Mullet is dead?

  • zenster666

    The freeze frame spew is awesome photography. Drunk Republikans (& sober – if possible) need to be deprogrammed.

  • Roger_of_Arabia

    When they do her life story, I hope they get Charlize Theron to play her and Miley Cyrus to play her daughter.