hey mom you're in jail

‘Jail Is For Democrats,’ Explains Awesome Racist Drunk GOP Mom On Way To Pokey

Not intended to be a factual portraitOh Charlene Idelle Hunziker, 47, of Council Bluffs, Iowa, gurrrrl, don’t you ever change! First, a liquid lunch at PF Chang’s, where you harass all the customers about NOBAMA being a Muslin; second, embarrass your daughter so much that she leaves you down in Chinatown (or at least the West Des Moines version thereof); third, explain to the copper on call that you don’t need jailing, as that is for little people, like Democrats, and not fine upstanding Republicans like you; four, ?????; and five, PROFIT!

Officer Chris Morgan said in his report that when he arrived, Hunziker reportedly yelled at him and said he didn’t need to be there because “she was a Republican.”

Hunziker reportedly refused a sobriety test and admitted to having consumed alcohol, but insisted she was not drunk, according to the report.

A witness reportedly told Morgan that Hunziker was drunk and had been bothering other customers with her opinions about the previous night’s presidential debate, her support for Romney and her belief that “Obama had ruined this country and … Muslims were causing America all these problems.”

Thanks, ActorBut all of those things are simple objective FACT! Why is the West Desmoines Gestapo jailing Charlene Hunziker for her Constitutional Right of Free Speech (drunkenly yelling about Muslins and refusing to leave someone else’s private property)??? Next thing you know, someone will put her in a gulag by criticizing her drunken race-baiting!

We for one would never do that.

En route to the police station, where she was booked before being transported to the Polk County Jail, Hunziker reportedly said that “she was doing this because she was a good mother.”

One good mother to another.

[WestDesMoinesPatch, via Fark]

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202 comments

    1. Callyson

      Seriously–I thought I (unwillingly) got a view of her vagina. Where the fuck did I put the eye bleach?

      1. PugglesRule

        The possible hooha sighting is even worse than the apparent view of her drunken upchucking. Don't bogart that eye bleach, my friend – pass it over to me.

  1. The_Peckerwood

    Jail is for Democrats…. Democratic politicians that is. And you can add GOP politicians and bankers to that list too.

      1. Theywontlisten

        In Nebraska they call Council Bluffs Counciltucky Pot meet Kettle, pleased to meet you hope guessed my name

    1. UnholyMoses

      It's where my sister-in-law's racist, bigoted, alcoholic, douche-baggy, incredibly huge asshole of a husband lives.

      IOW: This Mom of the Year is fairly typical in those parts … as is the smell of pigshit.

    2. mrpuma2u

      Hey no ragging on Iowa, it's not all bad. She is from the west, crazy douchey part by Nebraska. The eastern part is OK, it has the people's republic of Iowa City, and some elements of civilization.

      1. kyeshinka

        Thank you. It takes us until 2 am until we start talking about how much a banker-lovin' plutocrat Obama is.

        1. kyeshinka

          You may have given my state a new slogan, "Our rest stops are number 1 when you it's time for Number 2."

        2. bravo_sierra

          Have you patronised the fine establishments of Wyoming? My stars, for a state that is nothing but coyotes and Class A Kill Storms, they have spectacular rest stops.

    3. Negropolis

      Somewhere west of Chicago. On our maps here in Michigan, Iowa is out in "there be dragons" territory before you hit the Rockies when everything comes back into view.

      No, but seriously, I hear Des Moines is Iowa City, and the stuff along the Mississippi has a bit of history.

  2. snowpointsecret

    It said right there in the Bible that Jesus got drunk and yelled at Liberals for helping the poor and such! It's in Koch 1:4!

    1. valgal2342

      Man, she sure lost a lot of weight by the time they took her mug shot from all that P.F Chunking.

  3. Callyson

    two things that don’t mix – alcohol and politics

    What? The latter necessitates the former by definition…

  4. kissawookiee

    That picture will keep me from eating PF Chang's for the rest of forever. And all other foods as well. So thanks for that.

    1. Isyaignert

      Having your eyeballs removed will not cure the searing memory that is now etched in your brain like a tattoo – a picture like that calls for brain bleach.

  5. Callyson

    The report said Hunziker kicked, screamed and struggled as Morgan and a backup officer tried to handcuff her and place her in the squad car.

    Bitch better count her blessings that she did not pull this crap with LAPD…

  6. UnholyMoses

    This thread is going to be impossible to masturbate to …

    … hell, that pic is going to make it impossible to masturbate anywhere for at least a day or two. Just … wow.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      We can do it if we all just take a deep breath, close our eyes, and imagine a lady/fellow of our choice emerging from the surf ala Ursula Andress in Dr. No.

    2. actor212

      I think Editrix is trying to kill our libidoes until Obama wins re-election. Make us ornery and angry and willing to get out and do the work he needs from us.

      Well, it won't work, Trix! We have….alcohol!

    3. Fare la Volpe

      Eh, I think we all needed to go a bit easy on the old pud anyway.

      Poor little fella's all tuckered out.

  7. Meathamper

    Other things that jail is for: fans of daytime television, members of tribute bands for The Bangles, and L Ron Hubbard.

  8. swordfis

    Are the grotesque images that accompany articles part of some secret Clockwork Orange desensitization program? And, while I'm on the subject, who exactly is that enormously fat guy at his computer? Is he a meme?

  9. Esteev

    Hunziker reportedly said that “she was doing this because she was a good mother a Republican "

    FTFY

  10. Blunderthing

    We love watching white trash of both political persuasions come up with new and inventive ways to entertain those of us with more genteel addictions.

  11. Crank_Tango

    And if she were a demoncrap, the wingnuts would make all these posts about how she was going to get raped in jail. But we don't do that, so I will just wonder if PF Chang is related to Senor Chang?

  12. UnholyMoses

    "Hunziker reportedly refused a sobriety test and admitted to having consumed alcohol, but insisted she was not drunk … "

    You know, given what we read here everyday, there is a good chance that she's just a stupid, mouthy twunt. She is, after all, from Iowa. So we can't rule that out.

  13. BaldarTFlagass

    She's probably doing this to pad her resume for her upcoming run for city council or state senate.

  14. Baconzgood

    Now now now. Let's not rush to judge. Who hasn't been drunk at P.F. Changs at 3:45 on a Friday? Anyone? Anyone at all here on Wonkette?

    I thought so…

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Hell, by 3:45 I wouldn't be able to locate a P.F. Changs. <closes lower file cabinet with foot>

    2. finallyhappy

      I don't drink – ok, I had a glass of cider this year -but due to natural insanity or hormonal imbalance- I act like I am on something

    1. CindynEncinitas

      He's not Muhammad! He's engaged to Muhammad. Or something. I'm not feeling so good. I think I need ta peeeeeooook!

  15. Dudleydidwrong

    Is she the one who is starring in the Hulk Hogan sex tape? The tape hasn't come to my local motion picture theater yet.

  16. widestanceromance

    I'm confused by the photo: is she losing her lunch on the sidewalk or powerfully sucking up someone else's from the sidewalk? She looks in her element either way.

    1. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      It's good to have a hobby.

      It's good to see she's getting out of the house, you know?

  17. weejee

    Mmmmm. As a pallet cleanser here is the story about the mom of the former SEAL who was killed in Bengazi and who Willard was bragging about knowing. She 'doesn't trust Romney.' Even though her son Glen was no longer active duty, she should still get a Gold Star. Defending your country, is what should count not which federal agency was signing you paycheck.

    1. CindynEncinitas

      And he was from Encinitas, also, too, so thanks, Mom! Dang it! We don't need no stinking bullshit from Willard up here. Keep it down below the Merge, fucker.

  18. justkillmenow

    The PF Changs in West DesMoines is out by the big ass mall. Right next to the Joe's Crab Shack and On the Border. So, you know, Chinatown for sure.

    Iowa used to be a really sane place. I swear. My 85 yr old mother still lives there and is a vocal democrat. I weep for my home state…

    1. snowpointsecret

      I always got the impression that western Iowa was crazy and eastern Iowa was okay, has this changed recently?

      1. justkillmenow

        There is some crazy in Pleasant Hill just outside DesMoines. But generally, you are correct. The Iowa 5 is home to Steve King, the crown prince of crazy.

      1. finallyhappy

        I went to the drive in movie in Newton, Iowa- where Maytag was located and where they make Maytag blue cheese

  19. kyeshinka

    Council Bluffs really isn't in Iowa; it's just that Omaha kicked it out the door and won't let it back in.

    1. Sacanagem

      You sound like you know my people…do you know the awesome $5M footbridge they built that starts in downtown Omaha and leads on the CB side to an open swamp?

      Deeply weird place, Council Bluffs.

    1. kittensdontlie

      The woman’s daughter proclaimed her mother “an embarrassment"…

      That alone is enough to get her on the ticket.

  20. kyeshinka

    I live in Iowa, and our drinking times do start around 9; 6 am on game days. You really don't want to watch the Hawkeyes play while you're sober.

  21. Detesticle

    I long ago stopped drinking with Republicans for reasons similar to this lady's Subway sandwich vagina monologue

    1. Tommmcatt_Again

      Plus, the leathery quality of her skin would exfoliate you better than a day at the spa! Win-Win!

  22. Rotundo_

    Both photos radiate the kind of class and dignity that someone who goes on a bender in a PF Changs would have. I am surprised that this "Mother of the Year" type didn't yack her cookies in the back of the squad on the way down to the pokey. The freeze frame effect on the park bench pukette photo is fantastic, someone really captured a moment with that one. I hope they took it into the photo kiosk in WalMart or someplace similar and blew it up to an 8-1/2 by 11 for a cherished memory for her.

    1. kyeshinka

      That needs to be updated. I look around at the malls here and I don't think we do enough walking.

  23. Roy Hobbson

    Is barf lady there … is she … is she …… naked?? OH MY GOD SHE IS AND NOW I'M DEAD ON THE INSIDE AND ALSO BLIND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!!!??

  24. elviouslyqueer

    I've always heard rumors about the existence of women's flapadoodle, but I never thought I'd see actual photographic evidence.

    And as for the mugshot, Ann Coulter is looking particularly like shit these days, bless his heart.

  25. qwerty42

    Geeze. The closer we get to the election, the crazier some people are getting. I'm expecting quotes from Revelations or The Turner Diaries to be routine by the end of the month.

  26. docterry6973

    I vaguely recall yelling while drunk back in the day, but I was never arrested and if I were I would not have told the officer that he shouldn't arrest democrats. It is never good to say things that a police officer might find unpleasant.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      My inner child just asked if you were "adding insult to injury" regarding its mental image of that.

    1. kyeshinka

      Yes, we have two, count 'em, TWO Peking Buffets! One of the cars outside may be a Toyota, which in western Iowa is Chinese enough.

  27. Sacanagem

    It's hard to believe sometimes that Iowa had honest-to-god Socialistic farming collectives (well, "farming cooperatives") up until the 1970's.

    And Council Bluffs is a very special place indeed. Sort of a smaller white Detroit.

  28. Tommmcatt_Again

    Drunkenness is scientifically proven to halve your intelligence, which makes Ms. Hunziger the first human on record to have an IQ expressed in irrational numbers.

  29. pdiddycornchips

    She's very lucky. I hear if Obama wins in November, it'll be Sharia Law and instead of sleeping her drunk off in the pokey, there will be public flogging followed by a ritual stoning. Because that's what happens to Christian good mothers.

  30. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    From Wiki: "Council Bluffs, known until 1852 as Kanesville, Iowa—the historic starting point of the Mormon Trail"

    I blame R-money. And if he wins, we'll all be like that lady on the bench and then arrested and converted and force-marched down the Mormon Trail.

    At least, that's what I heard Romney would do.

  31. glamourdammerung

    Personal responsibility!

    I can not wait to see sites like Big Failure spin this as Nobamar's thugs arresting good patriot types.

  32. zenster666

    The freeze frame spew is awesome photography. Drunk Republikans (& sober – if possible) need to be deprogrammed.

  33. Roger_of_Arabia

    When they do her life story, I hope they get Charlize Theron to play her and Miley Cyrus to play her daughter.

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