Let God Sort 'em Out

Gentleman in Virginia Romney Office Has Novel Idea For Welfare Reform: Execute ‘Illegitimate’ Parents, Adopt Out Their Kids

It is time to teach those people some responsibility. By killing them.Clifford Russell, a nice man working in the Mitt Romney campaign office in Bedford, Virginia, has a plan to reduce this awful entitlement culture that we have here in US Amercia. During a visit from freelance writer Christopher D Cook., Mr. Russell expounded on a number of important issues, proclaiming that global warming is “a total fiction,” that the NAACP is “the most racist organization in America,” that “Everyone in Iraq under Hussein was a terrorist,” and of course that the best way to address poverty would be … well, let’s let Clifford Russell speak for himself, with Cook offering him chances to walk back or clarify his views:

I’ll tell you what really need to do with these illegitimate families on welfar — give all the kids up for adoption and execute the parents.”

I stare at him and blink in a glaze of shock.

Just to be sure I heard him right, I ask him to repeat it, twice.

“Yes, I mean it. Get rid of all of them, give the kids up for adoption, execute the parents, and you get rid of the problem.” (When I call him back to revisit the issue, he elaborates: “put the children up for adoption and execute the parents, and word would get out soon” that poor people shouldn’t have kids.)

When Cook points out that most people getting food stamps and other assistance actually do work, Russell explains that is no excuse for being poor, because our economy is structured in such a way that everyone should be an investment banker:

He tells me if they were smarter, like Romney, they would earn more money. “Obama got all his money through his charisma, Romney got his because of his brains,” he says. “Some people are just smarter than others, and not everyone is equal — but everyone has to pull their own weight and stop making excuses for being poor. Get up and do something. Some people just don’t want to work.”

Therefore, the working poor are not willing to work, those dopes. Why this liberal writer cannot see such simple truths is something of a puzzle to Russell, who also complains repeatedly about “inner-city people on welfare and food stamps” and then objects to Cook’s mention of “entrenched systemic impoverishment and disinvestment from black neighborhoods.” Because Russell only said “inner-city,” not “black,” he quite correctly accuses Cook of “trying to make this a racial thing, I never mentioned race.” Anyone who says Fox News is not educational clearly is not paying attention.

We will give Mr. Russell credit for this: He is a man who stands up for truth and accuracy in media! When The Progressive ran Cook’s story with the headline, “Meet a Romney Extremist in Virginia – A staffer in a Romney campaign office wants to execute parents on welfare and give their kids up for adoption,” he wrote back with an angry letter demanding a clarification:

I did not say that I wanted to execute parents on welfare and give their kids up for adoption.

I said that it would be better to execute the parents of an illegitimate child and put their child up for adoption.

He somewhat undercuts his point, maybe a little, by redefining “illegitimate children.” Most of us elitist liberals might think that “illegitimate” would mean something like “born out of wedlock,” but that is because we are snobs who cling to our dictionaries and socialism. Mr. Russell clarifies how a well-defined federal statute would set out clear guidelines for which children are illegitimate, and why they are a burden:

Some might say illegitimate children (children where one of both parents fail to provide for the child) is not even a problem, but an illegitimate child usually represents instant poverty and much misery. Illegitimate children are most of the need for massive health care/welfare programs that are a major burden on Society. The problems in the America school system are mostly related to illegitimate children where one or both parents could care less about education.

Those irresponsible parents should feel especially bad about how their illegitimate children have driven up the costs of the biggest parts of federal spending: Defense, Social Security, and Medicare/Medicaid. All we need are these common-sense guidelines to decide whether someone should be executed: If “one or both parents fail to provide for the child,” then warm up the lethal-injection gurney! (To be fair, Mr. Russell does not specify this method of execution; it may in fact be far too wussy). Also, it is a far better solution than killing babies or wearing little rubber devices to prevent issue:

I believe executing the parents is a better solution than the Democratic solution of abortion and handing out condoms (birth control). Abortion represents the killing of the only innocent person associated with the adultery or fornication that has occurred. Democrats have never explained how they are going to get people to use the birth control they hand out. Why should a man use a desensitizing condom when he know his child can get on welfare. I am still looking for a realistic method from Democrats and Progressive to deal with the problem of illegitimate children.

For all its exciting “let’s kill some people” appeal, which seems to be all the rage with some Republicans this season, we do have a nagging feeling that maybe there are other practical objections to this whole “execute bad parents” idea. For instance, won’t we need gummint bureaucracy to feed the kids and find adoptive parents? And will anyone want to adopt those kids anyway? After all, Pat Robertson has warned people that orphans might grow up all weird and stuff. We may be other-thinking this.

Ever the realist, Mr. Russell closes his letter with a couple of quotes from the Bible, because he is a Christian.

Needless to say, Mr. Russell is merely a low-level worker — perhaps a volunteer? — in a Romney campaign office. We would like to urge Mr. Russell to contact Mitt Romney to share his realistic plan with the candidate, who it must be emphasized has not yet called for the execution of illegitimate parents.

[The Progressive, via LGF]

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

Comments

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  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    Execute illegitimate parents…and convert them to Mormonism?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      With the zombie baptizing.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        BAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNZZZZZZZZ!!!!!

        • Esteev

          Frontal Lobe Libel!

    • Tommy1733

      They can be converted post mortem, right? I've heard that can work.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    This dovetails nicely with the guy in Arkansas who wants to allow parents to execute disobedient children. No more CPS!

    • Isyaignert

      There would eventually be no more Americans, because all children are disobedient at some point.

      Have I told you lately how much I hate these people?

    • Esteev

      "Put down the XBox or I put you down."

    • Iam_Who_Iam

      Frickin' genius. Who do I send this to first? Santorum?

      2016 Conservative Republican Plan for A More Prosperous America:

      Step one: Execute all the poor parents. http://wonkette.com/486378/gentleman-in-virginia-

      Step two: Execute all the disobedient children . http://wonkette.com/486233/bible-loving-arkansas-

      Step three: United States becomes United States of Utopia.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Step four: Profit!!!

        • Iam_Who_Iam

          Dammit! I can't believe I forgot that! Good save [Redacted].

    • LACorvus

      If we introduced them maybe they could utilize synergy to ensure that all the resulting orphans ended up being adopted in Arkansas.

  • BadKitty904

    What? Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I think we're gonna need a bigger orphanage.

      • One_who_wanders

        Bigger than the prison system. . . .

        • eggsacklywright

          This is a positive for Wackenhut.

    • Disassembly

      Social welfare is a humbug!

    • Esteev

      Those cost $$$$$$$$! Won't you people think of the DEBT?!

    • bureaucrap

      Are there no graveyards? Is there no Soylent green?

  • scionkirk

    Easy there, Patrick Bateman

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Wow.

    I want to snark. I've snarked on dead people. I've snarked on rape stories.

    My snarker is busted here.

    • BadKitty904

      And, just as a reminder to all of us to get our butts to the polls on Election Day – this guy has a vote.

      • Callyson

        In a fucking swing state.

    • Toomush_Infer

      There's nothing more useless than a busted snarker – you just can't kick start these bastards….

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I may need a jump start.

        Yes, alcohol will be involved.

        • Isyaignert

          I believe it's noon where you are. Party on!

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Wait. What is this "noon"? Is this a magical hour? Cuz I usually start at breakfast but my liver's been on the fritz so I cut back

          • Fare la Volpe

            I've had a bottle of zinfandel baking in the fridge. Ain't no party like an Armageddon party!

    • eggsacklywright

      They're sounding more Taliban-y every day.

      • Boojum

        As Molly Ivins said: Shi'ite Baptists.

        • Doktor Zoom

          Ahem. That's "Babtists."

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      I thought you said your "snarkier" was busted. Please stay off your webcam.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      This post definitely has a "first Wonkette post of the day" feel to it, that either sends you back to bed or for more coffee.
      Remember the good ol' days when idiots like this had to scuttle around in the dark?

    • lulzmonger

      SEE: Outrage Fatigue, 2001-2008.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Your snarker's busted, eh? [warms hands] Come here once.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    How about executing the lobbyists instead?

    • Esteev

      Wouldn't we need lobbyists to lobby for that?

  • SorosBot

    "Romney got his because of his brains,”

    That's strange, I didn't know that "his brains" meant "his daddy".

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Likely Mr. Russell is a trust fund baby.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        If he's a Romney volunteer, my guess would be "Staples Assistant Manager Who Loves His Job."

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Yes, Romney had the brains back when he was nut batter to get into the egg first there by making him self made and completely intelligent. Never once in his life did his father use his position nor did Romney use his fathers connections to find wealth and opportunity. Never, ever, ever…he was a homeless child who achieved everything while wearing shoes with holes in them. Did I mention that I hate these stupid racist assholes?

  • freakishlywrong

    Yep. Load em' up on trains and send em' off to the showers. And then call the other guys Nazi. Liars.

    • Doktor Zoom

      It's Opposite Day on Wonkette!

      • finallyhappy

        It's cephalopod awareness day

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          That explains all the cuttlefish tourists!

          • LibertyLover

            They're camouflaged as lurkers…

    • Pat_Pending

      Oddly, the mother of one of my ex-boyfriends felt that the logical solution to dealing with the poor was to round them up and put them in camps. Of course she couldn't elaborate on what to do with them once they were safely behind the fence…

      • Fare la Volpe

        "Do?"

        • Pat_Pending

          Hmmm… good point. It's all done!

    • Esteev

      I don't see your point.

    • Swampgas_Man

      WHOOPS, can't call them "liars" anymore, that's Nazi talk; have to call them something else, like "Anti-Reality Scum Of The Earth".

  • noodlesalad

    Relax, it's totally in the Bible. "Render unto me the little children, and I will fucking murder those fucking people who gave birth to them and then send them off to some rich foster parents."

    • FraAnima

      I think it's actually "Render unto me the little children, and I will render the fat from the dead blah corpses to create a shining new bio-deisel industry. And soylent green also too."

      • noodlesalad

        Tell everyone, tell the whole world! Soylent Green is the Republican Platform!

        • Katydid

          And the RNC platform is a cookbook!

          • Isyaignert

            The Ryan Budget is a cookbook.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            Or a suicide note.

      • tessiee

        This soap smells funny.

    • Preferred Customer

      And, lo, Jesus said: "God, I hate poor people SO MUCH. Almost as much as I hate lepers. Can't everyone get up and earn some pieces of silver, like my good friend Judas here? Poors–kill them all and let You sort them out."

    • anniegetyerfun

      Everyone knows how many open and excellent homes there are for kids who have been abandoned or taken away from neglectful parents in this country. Imagine if we could quadruple the number of kids who need new families! IT'D BE SO GREAT!

  • AbandonHope_

    I agree, Mr. Russell. But I think you'd be very, very surprised when the majority of those parents that are executed end up being in the rural South.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Not to mention, white.

      • Doktor Zoom

        Oh, that's OK. He's not talking about race, anyway. Besides, as long as the inner city types are wiped out, a little collateral damage is fine.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

      …and zombie-voting Republican.

    • kittensdontlie

      And wouldn't it be fitting if the ever-knowledgeable Mr. Russell might have failed to provide for his children at some point in time…

    • Boojum

      Maybe we should do a test run in his home county.

    • mayor_quimby

      That will work wonders for the electoral maps

    • CrankyLttlCamperette

      Ah, so you've been to Bedford!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Rural southern whites have the highest illegitimacy rate? Have you verified this? Or are you working from this dipshit's definition of illegitimacy?

      • AbandonHope_

        The latter. Although I wouldn't be too surprised if the former were true, at least until the shotgun wedding is performed.

  • freakishlywrong

    SRSLY. What the fuck is wrong with people?

    • HogeyeGrex

      Long list or short list?

      • freakishlywrong

        Just to say that out loud. And be a associated with someone running for the President of the U.S. He should be chased out of polite company with samurai swords.

        • Boojum

          He's an engineer. I have noticed something about people in engineering (and, for that matter, accounting) and their politics. By and large, they believe in simplistic, formula driven solutions to political, social, and legal problems.

          However, I'm all for the chasing with samurai swords thing.

  • GregComlish

    How are responsible parents supposed to murder-discipline their own children if BIg Government keeps butting into family lives by murder-disciplining parents?

    • Preferred Customer

      God is the ultimate Murder Discipliner.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Murder-discipline them all and let Him sort it out!!!1!

  • SorosBot

    Say, I wonder what Rep. Joe Walsh thinks about executing parents who don't provide for their children?

    • Oblios_Cap

      He'll blame the mother. That way he can get rid of her and the kids.

    • freakishlywrong

      Perfectly ok. As long as they're members of the "Democrat Party".

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Stop trying to change the subject from women who look at dresses.

      • LibertyLover

        Especially when you're "busy" marching in a parade somewhere….

        • Esteev

          More like goose-stepping in the parade.

    • GregComlish

      "You Lie" ?

    • MegPasadena

      He will blame all the stay-at-home moms and that includes Egg Romney.

  • Boredw/Gravitas

    I invite this gentleman, along with the fellow who wants parents to have the right to kill their children, to have sex with himself, because as far as I'm concerned that's something he could do.

  • BadKitty904

    That there's a pretty final solution…

  • Oblios_Cap

    “put the children up for adoption and execute the parents, and word would get out soon” that poor people shouldn’t have kids

    I don't believe that Mr. Russell would get the result that he thinks were he to try to put that pogrom into effect.

    • One_who_wanders

      Oohh, very nice.

    • tessiee

      i see vut you did zere.

    • donnadiva

      They don't want poor people to have kids but they don't want women to have birth control.

      • Swampgas_Man

        Don't you see? These people aren't motivated to use birth control when they can get a kid on Welfare! Killing the parents is much simpler.

  • barto

    I say we draw and quarter the parents, then let the chillens fight each other for the tasty bits, kind of like a pinata, this solves part of the feeding them problem.

    • Pat_Pending

      Pay per view!

      • kittensdontlie

        More like a pay-back per view.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I can't snark, so I'll let Cracked do it for me:

    So "anyone can get rich" isn't just untrue, it's insultingly untrue. You can't have a society where everyone is an investment banker. And you can't have a society where you pay six figures to every good policeman, nurse, firefighter, schoolteacher, carpenter, electrician and all of the other ten thousand professions that civilization needs to survive (and that rich people need in order to stay rich).

    It's like setting a jar of moonshine on the floor of a boxcar full of 10 hobos and saying, "Now fight for it!" Sure, in the bloody aftermath you can say to each of the losers, "Hey, you could have had it if you'd fought harder!" and that's true on an individual level. But not collectively — you knew goddamned well that nine hobos weren't getting any hooch that night. So why are you acting like it's their fault that only one of them is drunk?

    There. I feel better now

    • Doktor Zoom

      OK, but what if we made the pie higher? A rising elevator lifts all cars.

      • Preferred Customer

        Stronger hooch endrunkens the smallest man.

        • Generation[redacted]

          It's a perfectly cromulent economic theory, at least until that big cold snap killed off all the hobos.

      • Boojum

        True. If there was some way to double the amount of hooch, we would only have eight dead hobos. Win!

        • PubOption

          Well, the republicans prefer to talk about pies, but that is their argument.

    • Preferred Customer

      Finally, a metaphor I can understand. President Obama, are you listening?

      Wait, who am I kidding. There's no way ol' Handsome Joe doesn't use this in the debate tonight.

    • emmelemm

      Bum fight!

  • Blueb4sinrise

    “It’s not an invasion if we are protecting our interests.”–Mr. Russell

    To be fair, he could have been in State or the Pentagon for many administrations.

  • AbandonHope_

    Come on, Mr. Russell, you can do better than that! Rich people are rich because they're inherently better, right? So if you really want to go full-on Social Darwinist Eugenics Nazi, you should eliminate the kids too, before they much up the gene pool with their laziness and stupidity.

    • calliecallie

      Somebody's got to clean the toilets.

      • Doktor Zoom

        OK, but we get to mock them for their bad choices.

        • BadKitty904

          At least until the Revolution and the tumbrels come for us…

      • Steverino247

        Is there a promotion involved?

        Yeah, after five years they give you a brush!

      • tessiee

        Brave New World libel?

    • Generation[redacted]

      Mitt Romney certainly has inherited better than most.

    • emmelemm

      Kids… with all their neediness and dependency…

  • Toomush_Infer

    Let's untwist this Rovian knot – what does this guy do for a real job? How many kids does he not care for?

    • calliecallie

      He's a retired nuclear engineer, according to the article. And married, incredibly.

      Too much radiation may have gummed up his brain.

      • BadKitty904

        Homer Simpson has a nom de plume???

        • tessiee

          Homer's that dumb, but he isn't that mean.

          • Swampgas_Man

            More like Monty Burns' idiot cousin.

      • calliecallie

        Maybe he's not married. It was another volunteer's wife who left the room, rolling her eyes and saying "I don't have to listen to this."

        HIS wife probably left him long ago. Or maybe he killed her for having someone else's illegitimate child.

    • Tommy1733

      "How many kids does he not care for?" – ALL OF THEM

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Or his mother breastfeeding him so he'd stay alive.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Doesn't count. Woman.

  • mille derps

    I've given up trying to untangle this pretzel logic.

    We go from "all life is sacred" to "all human life is sacred" to "all innocent (unborn) human life is sacred" when the only lives these guys really value are their own.

    • Boojum

      What don't you understand? Fucking is a capital offense. Stupid is a qualification to become a nuclear engineer.

  • coolhandnuke

    Reporter to Clifford Russell:
    "So far, what do you think about the execution of Mitt Romney's campaign?"
    Russell: "I'm all for it."

  • Oblios_Cap

    Can legitimate rape create illegitimate children? Inquiring minds want to know!

    • Toomush_Infer

      Well, duh, because no legitimate rape results in children! You should know if you read here, we've been told ladyparts have a way of stopping that sort of thing!….

      • zumpie

        Yeah and any "rape" vicitm who does get preggers obviously really wanted it to begin with. And just "raped easy", like that other, disgusting, misogynistic pig said.

        Bonus points; we wimmins is all teh eeeevvvilll and stuff. We pretty much start our mantrap/golddigger/force poor innocent mens to have sex with us thing super, super early. Like at birth.

    • Esteev

      Only the Immaculate Illegitimate Rape.

  • mrpuma2u

    I did not say that I wanted to execute parents on welfare and give their kids up for adoption.

    I said that it would be better to execute the parents of an illegitimate child and put their child up for adoption.

    But surely Mr. Russel wants what's better, right? Eugenics much, Mr. Russel?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Y'know, I envision a whole line of parent food products: Daddybits, luncheon meats made with Mommy, and the ubiquitous Aged Grandad cheese.

    • Oblios_Cap

      And both parents' pubes can be converted into dental floss. For the masses.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Retch.

    • Tommy1733

      "Soylent Green Again???"

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        New and Improved!

    • tessiee

      Old Grand-Dad is already booze.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    There's a difference between a gaffe and overt ideology.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      There's a difference between a gaffe and a Republican presidential strategy. ftfy

  • finallyhappy

    Has he been offered a position in the Romney campaign?

    • Toomush_Infer

      Yes! Grist!….

  • Beetagger

    I hope this dude draws a nice picture of Mohammed and posts it online.

    • Boojum

      With his address, and a map.

  • StillGoinGreen

    Holy fuck.

  • One_who_wanders

    "The county is 91 percent white, 6 percent African American, and 1.8 percent Latino—compared with statewide ratios of 71 percent whites, 20 percent African Americans, and 8 percent Latinos."

    And duller than hell my family moved there when I was away at school and I never returned for longer than a holiday.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Soooo…..wander about much, one?….

  • BaldarTFlagass

    And then, according to that guy in Arkansas, when those adoptive children start acting up, kill them too!!!

    • Toomush_Infer

      The ultimate in win-win!….really cuts down on pollution, unemployment, everything….

      • Esteev

        …and possible libtards.

  • DCBloom

    Wow! I had to read parts of that twice because it made no sense.
    Still doesn't.

  • no_gravity

    Honey Boo Boo's family better run even deeper in the hills than they already are.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I don't know if any of them can run.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Meet the new member of the Taliban, Cliff Russell.

    • mille derps

      Sadly, it's not a stretch to imagine him shooting a 14-year-old girl for wanting to go to school.

  • Yellerdawg

    Some things just leave you speechless, don't they? How about we just extend the philosophy of "The Joy Of Execution" (Subtitle: I'm OK, You're Dead) and kill off all the sociopathic, vile, hate-filled products of the hate culture of the Right Wing Noise Machine and clear the air up a bit. With votes.

    We (Liberals) have got to get off our asses and stop trying to see things from others viewpoints. Let's make a vow that when stupid people say stupid things we will not let it pass, and when they get red in the face mad and the spittle starts flying, we will laugh at them until they explode.

    • Boojum

      Or we could just explode them. Again, with votes. Improvised voting explosives.

      IVE had enough of these people.

    • tessiee

      "I’m Not Interested in Finding a Truce in the Culture War. I’m Interested in Winning It. There's this prevailing attitude that the "culture war" is some kind of discussion that we're all having. But you know what? Fuuuuuuck that. I know this is divisive and counterproductive and inflammatory or whatever, but not all ideas are created equal. Some ideas are shitty, and I'm sick of coddling people with shitty ideas just because this country has a weird backwards boner for old-timey puritanical rhetoric. If the "culture war" were an actual war, it would be the fucking war at the end of Lord of the Rings. And I'm sorry, but Sauron ran Mordor into the ground, and I'm not interested in sparing his feelings. This is not something we need to discuss. "

      Lindy West, in a jezebel article

      • Yellerdawg

        I'm guilty. Living in Texas, I have ample opportunity to listen to someone mumbling about the obamalypse and I have too often kept quiet. From now on, I vow today, I will let them finish their rambling and say, "Well, that's just stupid, isn't it?" In a calm, perplexed, and slightly concerned tone.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      This is something you learn when you're in a mixed marriage. People who don't know you, or your non-white spouse or your non-white children will say the most hateful things to your face because they figure, "she's white. She'll agree with my racist shit". And early on, you make nice and just nod noncommittally, and try not to "embarrass" them and just move the conversation on. And then after a few years, you say, FUCK this, and you start telling them you won't listen to their racist bullshite, and listen to them sputter and backtrack. It's beautiful.

  • freakishlywrong

    ‘I Stand by What I Said, Whatever It Was’

  • Schmannnity

    Finally, David Seigel and the Queen of Versailles are going to get theirs.

  • Schmannnity

    Bring back Buck v. Bell.

    • no_gravity

      Like the prototype for that whole thing in Germany back in the 1930's.

    • Boojum

      Does "three generations of imbeciles are enough" apply to Republicans? Because I think we have reached our quota.

    • Steverino247

      Nah, I think a regiment firing buck and ball in his direction would be sufficient.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    President Merkin Muffley: There's nothing to figure out, General Turgidson. This man is obviously a psychotic.
    General "Buck" Turgidson: We-he-ell, uh, I'd like to hold off judgement on a thing like that, sir, until all the facts are in.
    General Turgidson! When you instituted the human reliability tests, you *assured* me there was *no* possibility of such a thing *ever* occurring!
    General "Buck" Turgidson: Well, I, uh, don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up, sir.

    • BadKitty904

      (GOD, I love that movie…)

    • no_gravity

      My all time favorite movie.

      P.O.E.

    • Doktor Zoom

      I think it's high time that Kid Zoom see this fine film. Thank god for the happy ending.

      • BadKitty904

        "I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.".

        • Doktor Zoom

          Look, I can't help it if IntenseDebate has a character limit on avatar text. I tried to get the whole quote in, but the commie bastards won't let me.

          • BadKitty904

            Conspiracy and oppression!!!

            ('Sides, that was a compliment, not a correction. :0) )

          • Steverino247

            Mr. IntenseDebate, we cannot allow a character limit gap!

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            Before magnifying, your avatar looks like a low-angle photo of Joe Strummer at the microphone.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    The stupid! It burns kills!

  • frostbitefalls

    "Why should a man use a desensitizing condom when he knows his child can get on welfare?"

    "Baby, our child can get on welfare" makes me moist.

    • LibertyLover

      That's some powerful foreplay right there.

  • YouBetcha

    Yes. Because rich white assholes in every state are just lining up to take in an impoverished, underfed, undereducated, black ten year old and his three siblings, one of whom has cerebral palsy. Good luck with that plan, champ.

    • Boojum

      By "give them up for adoption," he actually meant "sell them at the slave market." See? Problem solved.

    • SorosBot

      They can get adopted by corporations, who can make good use of the kids once we've gotten rid of those onerous child labor laws!

      • zumpie

        After they finish their janitorial apprenticeships at their schools

    • Esteev

      That's because you never asked!

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Didn't Obama have to use his brains to figure out he could get whatever he wanted by using his charisma?

    • Boojum

      No, because affirmative action is magical fairy dust that makes all blah people successful, except for and including the lazy ones.

  • Wadisay

    The big walkback: "I was misquoted. I didn't say 'execute', I said 'buy puppies for' ".

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I'm sorry if anyone was offended.

    • tessiee

      "I'm sorry if you *heard* 'Disneyland', but I *distinctly said* 'military school'."

  • Oblios_Cap

    Willard will make Mor(m)ons expempt form this law, yes?

    • no_gravity

      They're exempt from all the others, so yeah.

  • Pat_Pending

    Let's just execute the stupid.

    • BadKitty904

      A Sensible Plan for a Better America

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      If we used the chair, that would collapse the national power grid.

    • lulzmonger

      I propose a more humane alternative*.
      __________________
      *Mouse over my avatar for details.

  • Boojum

    I would suggest that we could just have some sensible tax, labor relations, minimum wage, educational, military expenditure, and infrastructure policies, but that would mean that we might kill fewer people.

  • Blunderthing

    But keep yer garddammed handz offen mah Medicare!

  • mbobier

    Yes, President Obama obviously got his wealth entirely through his charisma. It had nothing to do with his law practice, his service as a legislator, or his authorship of two bestselling books, none of which require the use of a brain. On the other hand, to-the-manor-born Mittens earned his wealth with his brains — his lovely, oh-so-Caucasian brains.

    • Isyaignert

      "…lovely, oh-so-Caucasian brains" reminds me of Babs Bush (the Quaker Oats model) saying that she didn't want to sully her beautiful mind by thinking about the poors. What a C U Next Tuesday!

      • tessiee

        Wasn't it George Carlin who named her "The Giant Silver Douchebag"?

    • tessiee

      You just can't…
      when someone on assbook SERIOUSLY described Mitt as "humble" and a "self-made man"…
      I have to pause for a moment after typing that.
      It's like they all live in Opposite Day, all the time.

  • IncenseDebate

    But will his proposal make the trains run on time? I'm asking for a friend.

    • Esteev

      Tell your friend, "most definitely."

      Then wring your hands, tilt you head back, and give out a cackle.

  • Caelan Aegana

    Oy. It's only 9:30 in the morning over here on the West Coast and already I know it's going to be one of those "bang head on nearest hard surface repeatedly until unconscious" days.

    • FNMA

      I recommend a wake and bake, followed by several hours of drinking.

  • calliecallie

    I can't even snark, this guy is such a moran.

    • zumpie

      looser moran

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    What a wimp this guy is – what's the matter with executing the children as well?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Rilly, because you know we're just going to have to kill them for having illegitimate kids themselves in 20 years or so.

    • BadKitty904

      Honestly. "Suck it up, ya pansy!"

    • MoeDeLawn

      Well, there are some logistical problems. Who does the identifying and executing? We don't want to get the gubmint involved.
      In order for each citizen to take responsibility, we'd have to ask our legislators to loosen up the gun laws, so we could all carry a weapon, …

      Wait. What?

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Clifford, like most of his swamp fevered hatemongering cousins on down the food chain, is more effectively giving Christianity a bad name than his stated purpose of giving sluttiness a bad name.

  • HogeyeGrex

    Fucking hell.

    The worst part is that I worry that this is not a "Romney Extremist" but a fairly mainstream Modern Republican.

    Not only that, but he doesn't even say "with votes" after calling for mass murder.

  • An_Outhouse

    “Everyone in Iraq under Hussein was a terrorist,”

    Sadam was fucking a lot of people, but this sounds like blaming the victim.

  • sudsmckenzie

    " Democrats have never explained how they are going to get people to use the birth control they hand out." I concur, I can never open the fuckin wrapper, maybe if I was Republican I could just shoot it open,

    • zumpie

      Or kill it

  • Crank_Tango

    So we can kill "illegitimate parents," whatever that means, and parents can kill "rebellious children," whatever THAT means…so when are we gonna just go full retard and (just like baby jeebus)…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFSd_mUSBkw&fe

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Jello (sp?) is my nephew's Godfather.
      Kinda makes you think, doesn't it?

      PUNK THE VOTE!!!!

  • Callyson

    Old slogan: Virginia is for lovers.

    New slogan: Die, sluts!

    • BadKitty904

      Ein volk, ein reich, etc. Or is that too "furrin"?

  • Jerri

    Clearly, sometimes having the oft-wished for "time to think" isn't a good thing.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Was he casually drawing a little mustache on his upper lip while he said this? Because Self-Godwining is apparently a Thing now.

  • a_pink_poodle

    How is this not class warfare again?

    • zumpie

      Because it's baggin on teh lame-assed poors! Duh!!!

    • Esteev

      It's class firing squad.

  • mille derps

    Desensitizing condoms? This guy is so medieval, I'm surprised he didn't say "desensitizing french letters"….

    I guess nobody told him that now there are other, more reliable types of birth control…

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    "Why should a man use a desensitizing condom when he know his child can get on welfare."

    Of all the stupid, mindless actual quotes from wingnuts I've read on Wonkette, this is perhaps the stupidest and most mindless.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And just think … this was part of his "clarification" statement!

  • ttommyunger

    Makes a good case for Executions, but not the one he thinks.

  • el_donaldo

    I can see why the gentleman from Virginia wanted to clarify that black/inner city thing. After all, it's one thing to call for the systematic execution of an entire class of people and quite another to call for genocide. Right? Those are different things?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    If a disobedient child refuses to obey his illegitimate parent, who do we kill?

    (You know what response is required…)

    • Doktor Zoom

      Society is clearly to blame.

      Right, we'll arrest them.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Not fapping?

    • zumpie

      Why, Obama, of course

    • lulzmonger

      All of them, mein Fuhrer!

  • calliecallie

    Of course he's a Christian, because this is totally what Jesus would do.

    • LibertyLover

      Well, Jesus did say: "Suffer the children…"

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    I have been sarcastically saying that sooner or later the Right would get back to legitimizing (I know what I did there) Genocide for about a decade now, but I thought they would start slowly with Forced Sterilization and work there way up to it.

    • SorosBot

      I just thought that today they would start with the Muslims instead of going back to the "urban" genocide.

    • James Michael Curley

      I sarcastically wrote a 'story' for Eng 101 in college which was a Deathrace 2000 variation at a stock car track. All the poor and undesirable would be put in the infield for a couple days without water or food. Then when the race began people in the stands would start waiving food in the air. If you made it across the track you got to eat.

    • anniegetyerfun

      They skipped step 3. (?) and went right to 4. (Profit!)

  • rickmaci

    Hmmm. Retired nuke engineer in the south? Wonder where he worked and who is paying his pension. Only two source I can think of are the military and the public power companies. Bet he is collecting his SSI and Medicare with COLA's too. Entitlement Queen? Hmmm.

    • Generation[redacted]

      That's an unfair assumption. After all, he might have saved up for retirement by selling nuke technology to Iran.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Of course, he'll tell you WORKED for his government pension and EARNED it, not like those lazy-ass cops, firefighters, teachers, and veterans

  • BaldarTFlagass

    You know who else could attribute their success to their charisma?

    • Generation[redacted]

      Elrod, my tenth level half-elf ranger mage with a charisma score of 18 and +4 saving throw?

      • SorosBot

        But charisma is nearly useless for both rangers and mages; now if he were a sorcerer or a bard, then he could attribute his success to his charisma.

        • Generation[redacted]

          Yeah, well, I also bought the DM a pizza. Now taste my vorpal sword, ye knavish undead fondler of orc bottoms!

          See? Charisma.

        • tessiee

          Peter Griffin: I'm a Paladin with 18 charisma and 97 hit points. I can use my helm of disintegration and do one D4 damage as my half-elf mage wields his plus-five holy avenger.
          Lois Griffin: Paladins can't use the helm of disintegration.
          Peter Griffin: Oh. Then I'm a black guy.

        • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

          Or a Wilder, if you're using psionics. My best character ever was totally a Wilder/Rogue Gish with stratospheric Charisma who was possesed by brain-eating dream-monsters and founded a cult aimed at promoting their agenda.

          Oh, that reminds me: to answer the original question, L. Ron Hubbard?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        What does that mean in grown-up?

        • anniegetyerfun

          I just realized that, if we were to break out into high school cliques here on Wonkette, I might count as a jock.

          • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            I know. Compared to these beautiful dorks [said w/ love] I'm Tim Fucking Christ on a Crutch Tebow.

    • BadKitty904

      Troy McClure?

    • mannacler

      George Wallace?

    • Esteev

      Reagan?

    • rickmaci

      Jesus?

    • http://mwittier.tumblr.com/ mwittier

      Carol Burnett?

  • Generation[redacted]

    That's not a very modest proposal.

    • BadKitty904

      BWAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHA!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Well this guy's gonna get fired — not because he's a Nazi eugenecist, of course, but because the Romney campaign can't have its staffers running around advocating new big government programs.

    • freakishlywrong

      Yeah. He's running for office, for Pete's sake.

      • BadKitty904

        Given this level of stupidity, his election would certainly be a triumph of the will.

  • Isyaignert

    As all Republicons know, if you're poor, it's because you sux and God hates you; ergo, one is doing the Lord's work by killing the poors. Next stop – sainthood for Mr. Russell!

  • SpeedoFart

    The question is, what would we call this new government bureaucracy? It totes needs a catchy acronym.

  • CommieLibunatic

    I know I say this pretty much every day, but these Small Government lunatics seem to harbor some wildly intrusive policy ideas. Not like us libtards, who just have moderately and helpfully intrusive policy ideas.

  • LibertyLover

    Ladies and Gentlemen — I give you the "pro-life" party.

    • Esteev

      We have to kill them with love!

  • Beowoof

    Carl Paladino, R-NY former candidate for governor here, wanted to round up all the inner city folks and put them in the unused prison space in NY and teach them how to wash their ass and read and stuff like that so they could get jobs. Even that is better than this guys ignorant ass solution. Bless his heart.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      The Paladino plan, otherwise known as the "extended school-day."

    • Esteev

      Paladino also forwards hilarious emails.

    • SpeedoFart

      Oh man, I had forgotten about that disgusting turd bucket.

      I'd be surprised if Carl knew how to wash his own ass.

  • ibwilliamsi

    Mr. Russell went on to say that he was hoping to adopt at least 3 illegitimate kids. "I need someone to vacuum, do the dishes, and wash my cars. Hopefully one of the boys will be tall enough to wax the top of my Hummer without a ladder."

    Seriously, do these people not realize that prior to the Social Security Act people were sent to Poor Houses (work farms) and their children were put into orphanages where they were "adopted out" as slave labor? Ah, "the good old days, when things were simple".

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Why would realizing this history change their minds? They are likely well aware of it.

  • Pragmatist2

    "And they will know we are Christians
    By our love, by our love.
    Yes, they will know we are Christians
    By our love"

  • TootsStansbury

    Fuck.

    • BadKitty904

      Yup, pretty much sums it up.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      And die. Know the law!

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Well put.

  • Redgyal

    Am I the only one who thinks that it is sad that he does not understand the actual meaning of the word illegitimate? Or even the fact that he is so quick to call,for the death of another human being while at the same time claiming to want to protect it?

  • Redgyal

    Also why isn't Wonkette posting anything on the Fisher case that the Supreme Court is hearing?

  • http://tactilepeggy.wordpress.com/ Pap Finn

    My friends think I'm exaggerating for comic effect when I say that the Republican base is mostly a mob of depraved, murderous, retrograde bigots and fucking monsters, and that they're the personality type that could be persuaded under the right conditions to shove their neighbors into ovens.

    I'm not. Exaggerating, I mean.

    • mannacler

      No, you're not exaggerating–you are right on the money.

    • Doktor Zoom

      But not the leadership. Just the easily-dismissed morons at the local offices.

      Plausible deniability, baby!

      • http://tactilepeggy.wordpress.com/ Pap Finn

        Funny how the chieftains and money people seem to hover guiltlessly above it all when it gets ugly or goes to shit…

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        "We were only giving orders!"

  • LibertyLover

    Wouldn't it be better to start with the grandparents first? After all, it's the parents of the parents (who were once children themselves) that are raising their children all wrong, so they had to learn that behavior from somewhere. Or maybe we need to first execute the great-grandparents because…. you know…

    • Doktor Zoom

      Something something unto the somethingth generation.

  • NW_Pinko

    American Taliban

  • Esteev

    Shorter Russell: "I didn't say execute them. OK, yes I did. What are we waiting for??"

  • chascates

    The guy is a flake. It's obviously better to kill the parents AND the children and be done with it.

  • owhatever

    Yes. Last week it was having parents execute smart-mouth children, and this week it is execute some, but not all, maybe, parents. This from the pro-life party. I confuzed, but will open a gun store because opportunity is knocking.

  • cotugirl

    Bedford County VA is one of the most backward and racist places in Virginia. They voted for George Wallace in 1968. And the county borders many counties that closed public schools after integration.

  • Iam_Who_Iam

    …"which seems to be all the rage with some Republicans this season"

    All the rage this season? Bullshit. This is nothing new, I've been listening to this exact rant (practically word for word) around the Thanksgiving dinner table with my Texan Republican in-laws for almost 30 years. What I am amazed by is the idea that anyone would be surprised to learn that people talk like this.

  • iusedtodiggrave

    Well, if we can't get people to adopt them, sell them into slavery. Look how well that turned out for the African Americans.

  • tessiee

    “Everyone in Iraq under Hussein was a terrorist,”

    No, they were all badgers. It was kinda cute, actually.

  • BlueStateLibel

    There's a word for this plan, what is? Oh yeah, genocide.

  • tessiee

    The Dead Kennedys were WAY ahead of this guy.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    If there were ever a candidate for a machine gun skullfucking, I believe we found him.

  • zumpie

    Ummm, boyfriend went and cold plagarized The Handmaiden's Tale!

  • tessiee

    "we do have a nagging feeling that maybe there are other practical objections to this whole “execute bad parents” idea. For instance, won’t we need gummint bureaucracy to feed the kids and find adoptive parents? And will anyone want to adopt those kids anyway?"

    Also, if we execute all the lazy poorz, won't we have to hire illegal Mexicans and such to do the shitty, badly paid jobs that the poorz used to be doing, which is also bad?

    Which reminds me, when I drove past the Walmart near my house yesterday afternoon, there was a line of strikers picketing! Yay!

  • tessiee

    This guy is way too crude and blatant.
    Killing poor people? How gauche.
    What's wrong with just cutting all their social services so they starve to death?
    No abortion, no birth control, and no child services are still honor killing, just in slow motion.
    After all, why get your hands dirty if you don't have to?

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Win.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      It worked for Stalin in the Ukraine in the 1930s.

  • zedbot

    "Some might say illegitimate children (children where one of both parents fail to provide for the child)…."

    Look out Joe Walsh, Mr. Russell is comin' fer ye.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

    "Some might say illegitimate children (children where one of both parents fail to provide for the child) "

    This bad news for Joe Walsh

  • Steverino247

    Perhaps the problem is that all the decent male residents of that part of Virginia were killed assaulting Omaha Beach: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_D-Day_Memor

  • decentcitizen

    The irony and lack of self – awareness is ripe. Were this eugenics premised program initiated, Russell would be first among those purged. "Three generations of imbeciles is enough." Oliver Wendell Holmes

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    Now, gods, stand up for bastards!

  • tessiee

    Kill the parents?
    Isn't this sort of going the long way around your elbow to get to your thumb?
    I mean, the parents can at least be sweatshop labor and/or cannon fodder.
    We should bring back the killing midwives and killing orphanages, or just stick 'em on a mountaintop somewhere. I mean, it's not like the little bastards are fetuses any more.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Aren't most illegitimate births in red states? Just thinking out loud, here.

    • Doktor Zoom

      He rejects your librul definitions!

  • subsum

    I'm glad the Republican Party exists. I'm happy it is an integral–and vital–element of our society and I applaud its efficiency and effectiveness at doing what it is designed to do: attract and contain the most despicable, repulsive, pedantic, idiotic and worthless douchebags amongst us, like this motherfucker.

    The Republican Party is America's septic tank and there's where this fucking turd belongs. Please don't forget to flush.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      um, with votes.

      • subsum

        Yup. Pull the lever (or press the button).

  • anniegetyerfun

    Strange. All the neglectful fuckwit parents that I ever knew were located in small, meth-addled towns, not in the inner city. But just to be clear, we're only executing inner city bad parents, right? Who are not NECESSARILY BLACK?

  • LACorvus

    I would have asked if he meant this in the same vane as Jonathon Swift, but I'm sure this guy would want to clarify that I didn't mean Tom Slick.

  • lulzmonger

    The ugliest part of all?

    My total lack of surprise.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    This is why his maid is able to charge him a salary of $150,000 per year.

  • Troglodeity

    Who Would Jesus Execute?

  • ZN1300

    Sounded better in its original German

  • a_pink_poodle

    "I didn't say I wanted all the Jews to be killed off to take all their money, I said it'd be better if all the Jews were killed off to aquire their money! See, two totally different things. You liberals need to clean your ears out!"

  • azeyote

    why stop at illigit – why stop with children – just kill em all and let god sort it out with the rest of them filthy democrats laundry. that's the only way to get things done around this bitch.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    This post would be 100% depressing if not for Responsibility Pony.

  • Naked_Bunny

    Needless to say, Mr. Russell is merely a low-level worker — perhaps a volunteer? — in a Romney campaign office.

    Fortunately, the GOP doesn't have a history of catering to the most vicious and vile elements of their voting base.

  • dennis1943

    Was Mitt in on this focus group….?