people unclear on the concept

Jack Welch: People Making Fun Of Me Is Worse Than A Siberian Gulag

Look what your joke did to Jack Welch!What is up with conservatives and the First Amendment? For years now, all those people who love the Constitution so much they carry it around in the breast pockets of their bespoke suits have had this totally sane and logical notion that criticising someone for being an idiot is the same as taking away their freedom of speech. Logic, it is what’s for dinner! But Jack Welch — the poor little billionaire who axed a hundred thousand jobs as head of GE and now has only his plum perches at CNN and Fortune to huff away from — has taken his case to the Wall Street Journal, noted comforter of the comfortable and afflicter of the afflicted, and raised it to a whole new crazy.

Imagine a country where challenging the ruling authorities—questioning, say, a piece of data released by central headquarters—would result in mobs of administration sympathizers claiming you should feel “embarrassed” and labeling you a fool, or worse.

Soviet Russia perhaps? Communist China? Nope, that would be the United States right now, when a person (like me, for instance) suggests that a certain government datum (like the September unemployment rate of 7.8%) doesn’t make sense.

Oh. Oh my.

Now, we aren’t even going to read the rest of Herr Welch’s Wall Street Journal op-ed, because after Welch has displayed such a fine grasp on why people laughing at Jack Welch is worse than the Holocaust, forced ‘bortions, and Jar Jar Binks, there really doesn’t seem to be a need.

But we will note that crabby insane lesbian Welch is not the only billionaire to think that having a joke made at his expense — or even being told that people disagree with him! — is a fate worse even than meeting Mme. Guillotine.

Everyone who made fun of Jack Welch, please report directly to jail. That is just how the First Amendment works.


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  1. Crank_Tango

    You're right Mr. Mind Grapes, we should totally make it illegal for people to criticize the insane, for freedom.

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      that sums it up nicely….I can't even count how many times some wingnut has uttered something racist, crazy, stupid, offensive or all the above and then insisted free speech means you aren't allowed to call them a fucking moron. Figures the people who allegedly keep copies on the constitution with them have never bothered to read the damn thing…

  2. snowpointsecret

    In Soviet Russia, they obviously let opposition speak freely, with the only backlash being ridicule for your total blindness to the facts!

    Wait what?

    1. docterry6973

      Exactly. Like those Pussy Riot women in Russia. Their only punishment was two years of ridicule – in prison.

  3. mavenmaven

    "…downright implausible. And that's why I made a stink about it…"

    That and his leaky Depends.

    1. Serolf_Divad

      Then they came for the multi-millionaries and I said nothing because I'm not a multi-millionaire.

      Then they came for the ordinary millionaires and I said nothing because I am not an ordinary millionaire.

      Then they came for folks whose net worth (minus retirement account) was less than a mil, but still pretty substantial nonetheless, say 800 thou… 750k… and I said nothing because… well, fuck I don't want to type all that out again.

      Then they came for the guys who haven't got a whole shitload of liquid assets and cash but at least have paid off their mortgage and don't have a lot of debt.

      Then they came for the guys who haven't paid their mortgage yet but are at least making pretty good headway and are on course to pay it off in the next 10 years or so as long as they don't take out a home equity loan before then to re-do the kitchen.

      Then they came for about 10 other categories of people.

      And finally, when they came for me I was like: "fuck it… it's not like I've got anything to lose."

  4. snowpointsecret

    "Everyone who made fun of Jack Welch, please report directly to jail. That is just how the First Amendment works."

    Do not pass GO, and do not collect $200.

    1. Theywontlisten

      Welch already lives in the prison of his monied, deluded mind. I feel for him…Fuck to the no!

  5. Allmighty_Manos

    Seriously corporate America and Wall Street are the biggest goddam pussies in the world. Welch basically accuses the government of engaging in massive fraud for political purposes w/o a shred of evidence and now he's whining b/c people are pushing back on that. Hey, Welch I heard it was you who covered up for Sandusky – but you better not call me out on that however or you sir are worse than Hitler.

  6. Lucidamente1

    Imagine a country where a member of the House Committee on Science, Space, and Technology would deny that rape victims can get pregnant. Oh, wait . . .

    1. AbandonHope_

      The best part is that he's rich enough that he can buy, and subsequently clutch, all of the pearls.

  7. noodlesalad

    I have a dear friend from China whose brother was killed in the cultural revolution for listening to the Voice of America on a radio, to practice his English. He was stomped to death. They brought the body back and said he was hit by a train.

    tl;dr – Fuck you, Jack Welch, you fucking fuck, for your made up fucking suffering.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      My Uighur students in Western China occasionally disappeared if they were found with a Qur'an in their possession. We never heard from any of them again.

      But poor Jack! Srsly.

      1. noodlesalad

        The right wing thinks that persecuting its Muslims is one of the things China does best (along with shutting down unions and environmental protection).

  8. actor212

    Imagine a country where challenging the ruling authorities—questioning, say, a piece of data released by central headquarters—would result in mobs of administration sympathizers claiming you should feel “embarrassed” and labeling you a fool, or worse.

    Dude, you do realize the only way this would be a violation of the First Amendment would be if you took out "sympathizers" and replaced it with "soldiers", right?

      1. actor212

        Well, now even just actual soldiers calling him a fool would be tantamount to a threat, which is why we make such a cold eye at government officials at all levels who engage in politics on the job.

        But you're right: in the Soviet, he'd be lucky to have sarcasm fired at him, and not votes bullets

  9. DonnyKerabotsos

    By all means keep it up. When it finally dawns on him that raving like a lunatic only encourages his critics, maybe he'll try to buy our silence.

  10. BaldarTFlagass

    Jack, do you have a place by the beach? Maybe the desert, Palm Springs say? Just trying to figure out how you got all that sand in your vagina.

  11. James Michael Curley

    Jack, Jack, Jack! As many as 6,000,000 people went to Siberian Gulags and as few as 350,000 came back alive. Did your Beluga Caviar spoil and taste fishy today?

  12. Serolf_Divad

    Imagine a country in which an unimaginably wealthy Plutocrat cannot baselessly accuse a sitting president of fraud without being called out on it and shamed by private citizens and the press?

    Soviet Russia? Communist China? Totalitarian Nightmare-state North Korea?

    No, my friends. Believe it or not, this happened IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!!!

  13. mbobier

    Awwwww, those nasty Communists at CNN and Fortune hurt Jack's widdle fee-fees. Perhaps he could commiserate with the similarly-easily-wounded Paul Ryan about how terribly, terribly mean everybody is.

  14. CommieLibunatic

    Assholes like this have a way of making my love of free speech grow colder. iz it can be robot overlordz tiem now plz?

    1. Theywontlisten

      My Pareto chart for Welcher shows him at 1 million defects per 1 million opportunities. He's a shit fucker

  15. BaldarTFlagass

    "Imagine a country where challenging the ruling authorities… would result in mobs of administration sympathizers claiming you should feel “embarrassed” and labeling you a fool, or worse. Soviet Russia perhaps? Communist China? "

    Actually, challenging the ruling authorities in those countries would usually result in 20 to life in the gulag or bullet in the back of the head. Obviously, you have it much worse, dickweed.

  16. LibertyLover

    I think Jack Welch saw Donald Trump doing the crazy and thought he could get away with it as well. Problem is the American public knows that the Donald has said a LOT of crazy for awhile now and no one is paying attention to the Donald anymore. So it's only natural for the media to attack the new billionaire on the block.

    1. kittensdontlie

      Why, the fantastic Jack Welch Management Institute is at for-profit Strayer University, which is known for… tuition aid from government sources making up 85% of their revenue.

      Without government intrusion, that is how private corporations and jobs are built!

  17. Poindexter718

    Imagine a country where benighted billionaires can extrude unsupported and libelous anti-government conjecture from their Twitters without receiving the caning they so richly deserve.

  18. SoBeach

    You can't really blame Welch. In his world it's the guy with the most money who is right. He's not the first to get all butt hurt learning not everyone plays by that rule. Won't be the last, either.

  19. UnholyMoses

    How in the fuck did people like this get so damn powerful when, in reality, they're such gigantic, easily-hurt wussies?

    Seriously. How? I don't get it. I really don't.

    1. zumpie

      Sadly, this is entirely how the corporate world works. On many levels. I had a boss who was completely dreadful at her job: bad numbers, innumerable complaints and conflicts with her employees, drinking and dating her staff, etc. But SHE could get people fired and was ultimately promoted.

      At one point hse had a new supervisor who tried ot hold her accountable for 5 minutes. HE was smacked down by his boss for daring to do basically his job.

      But I also long suspected she was blowing one of the Vice Presidents, so there's that, too

  20. barto

    He's walked it back to "suggest"; when will he get to the full-up victim stage of "libtards made me tweet it"?

  21. PuckStopsHere

    You said it. Or, Tweeted it, at least. So just own it. Pussy. (Maybe he's correct. Is being called a pussy worse than being called stupid?)

  22. anniegetyerfun

    I would be happy to pass a law in which Americans were prevented from comparing their experiences to those of the people in Soviet Russia (unless they are Russian immigrants who actually lived under Communist rule in Russia). Trust me, my Nana told me stories about life under the Bolsheviks, and it was just a SMIDGE worse than life in Obama's USA.

  23. BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe he can hire that Santelli guy to be his shoutsperson on this particular issue of fake unemployment rates.

  24. Troglodeity

    Welch libeling everyone who works in the Bureau of Labor Statistics, not to mention the White House and even the entire City of Chicago: A GLORIOUS PRACTITIONER OF THE SACRED FREEDOM OF SPEECH!

    Citizens responding by calling Welch a numbskull: COMMUNIST MOBS!

  25. UnholyMoses

    "We're pleased to see that conservatives are consistent about how they view free speech. Namely, the ability of the public to criticize public figures."
    — The Dixie Chicks

  26. LibertyLover

    Imagine a country where people complained about the money being spent on health, education and welfare in this country was 10 times greater than what they spent on the military and this caused it not to be able to wage any unnecessary wars….

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Imagine a country where people complained about the money being spent on health, education and welfare. Surely that would be intolerable.

  27. AbandonHope_

    The fact that people like Jack Welch are billionaires is proof that there is no God, or if there is one, He's one sadistic motherfucker.

  28. hagajim

    I saw this tool on the teevee last night, and my first thought was why does a former titan of industry in America sound like the Lollipop Kid?

  29. Esteev

    I feel Welch's pain. After being CEO for so long, he probably got used to people "respecting" his bullshit claims.

    Hey, Jackie, you aren't in the office any more. Welcome to the real world.

  30. WhatTheHeck

    Film critics should therefore be banned from watching any future films for the integrity of cinema.

  31. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    This is just so horribly offensive to the millions of people who suffered and died in the Soviet gulag system, their survivors who were often never told whether their own loved ones were dead or alive and the rest of humanity, also.

    Go to hell, Jack Welch. Fuck you.

  32. iburl

    Jack Welch's "Feelings" about a 00.3% change in the unemployment percentage is a marvel to behold, surly he deserves every penny he's wrung out of American workers.

    1. Esteev

      This was a test. Jack was going to see how we all reacted to his claim. If we took him seriously, he would create some jobs. But we failed, spectacularly, and he will not create anything but tear drenched copy for the WSJ.

  33. fawkedifiknow

    No further proof is needed that people can get away with saying total bull shit every day than just reading the Wall Street Journal Editorial Page. It's the Kookville Loony Bin Times Picayune Daily.

  34. johnnyzhivago

    Seriously speaking, Jack Welch is as responsible as anyone for the decline of this country, so really he should go fuck himself.

    Aside from wrecking jobs at GE he also reached out and destroyed RCA for no reason at all. RCA was one of the last strongholds of innovation (like AT&T it had it's own research laboratory that invented things like color television, CMOS (which runs almost every electronic device), etc… ) It was also fiercely ethical in the way it ran NBC and it was a great place to work.

    So really go fuck yourself Jack!

    1. shelwood46

      Thankfully, they spun off RCA's digital video tech to Intel or we wouldn't have the glories of youtube or netflix or watching Jack Welch make an ass of himself on Hardball days preserved forever.

  35. SayItWithWookies

    Imagine a country where challenging the ruling authorities—questioning, say, a piece of data released by central headquarters—would result in mobs of administration sympathizers claiming you should feel “embarrassed” and labeling you a fool, or worse.

    I'll bet Orly Taitz feels just as hounded and persecuted for expressing her views as you do for yours, Jack. Why don't you two misunderstood geniuses find yourself an island somewhere and start society anew? We in the Politburo will take bets on whether you die from gum disease or believing that if you flap your wings and jump off a cliff you'll fly.

  36. miss_grundy

    Send the rat bastard to a Siberian gulag and let's see how much he would like to live without all those luxuries he has become attached to. Why anyone listens to this poor excuse of a human being is beyond me. Cooking the books as CEO is something all these nimrods did in order to keep making those millions.

  37. LibertyLover

    Imagine a country where the major corporations weren't rewarded for offshoring jobs and the CEO's of such corporations believed in creating a livable wage for it's employees.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Imagine a country where the major corporations weren't rewarded for offshoring jobs and the CEO's of such corporations believed in creating a livable wage for it's employees."

      A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far … wait, it wasn't far away at all.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      If only our little Jackie had the balls to go into a quiet room, wipe off his lipstick, and shut-the-fuck up for the rest of his life.

  38. Generation[redacted]

    Let me see if I understand how our government works. Instead of three separate but equal branches, we have the BLS as the central committee, and it's based in Chicago?

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Silly Jack doesn't understand that in ObamaWorld, the central committee is the Department for Agitation and Propaganda, soon to be renamed the Ideological Department. BLS reports there. He wasn't savvy enough to attack the head of the beast. Old Loser needs to talk to a chair.

  39. ElPinche

    I say let's keeping hurting his feelings until Welch jumps out of a 24 story window…(on to fluffy comfy pillows!!)

  40. elviouslyqueer

    Wait a second.

    Mr. Welch was the CEO of General Electric for 21 years and is the founder of the Jack Welch Management Institute at Strayer University.

    Strayer University? So now he's an active stakeholder in an online diploma mill that, like its other "peer institutions," has been getting its ass waxed early and often by Congress.

    So yes, in sum, fuck this motherfucking fucker.

    1. Indiepalin

      Big game this weekend between the Strayer Storks and the University of Phoenix Fighting Gila Monsters.

  41. poorgradstudent

    Jack's whining doesn't even make sense without the stupid, insulting historical comparisons. He's already got dozens of fawning wingnut welfare recipients making sure his dumb accusation gets mainstream coverage. As far as people who come out with idiotic, groundless theories go, he's already got it much better than Gene Ray or that "historian" who says the Early Middle Ages didn't really happen.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      It was one hell of a leap day, when we all had to set our clocks from 400AD to 1000AD. Spring forward!

  42. Jus_Wonderin

    Welch should check the schedule for the Siegel Whiner Train. Oh, wait, I hear it comin' down the tracks.

  43. Generation[redacted]

    You laugh now, but after Republicans win the war, we'll all be forced to walk through the laugh camps where 6 million plutocrats were systematically made to look like fools and embarrassed.

  44. docterry6973

    I am so fucking sick of conservatives who think it is grossly unfair to criticize or mock them while they heap abuse on anyone who doesn't agree with them. Fuck you with a railroad tie, sideways, Welch. You don't want to be mocked? Then don't make groundless asinine claims on TV. Your aren't the CEO any more. You are just one more wingnut flapping his gums. Go back to one of your mansions with your trophy wife and sulk in silence.

  45. ttommyunger

    This big dumb cunt is a pussy, but he is no Lesbian. I know several Lesbians, and find them to be intelligent, compassionate and responsible; all qualities lacking in Jack "Off" Welch, a particularly disgusting excuse for humanity.

  46. calliecallie

    We need a catch phrase that describes these people a compelling negative way that resonates with the uninformed public. Like Reagan's "welfare queens."

    Any suggestions?

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      I'd suggest turning the tables and labeling them the true "welfare queens." Welch has been sucking from the government tit for years, getting filthy (good word) rich off of contracts and contacts. If there is such a person as a welfare queen, he's the poster child. Fuck him.

  47. Biel_ze_Bubba

    It's really quite simple: Under the new, improved Billionaire's First Amendment, Jack gets freedom of speech (his), and freedom from speech (yours). And no, you don't get to criticize the new rules — that's what they're for.

  48. Beowoof

    Another lying sack of shit corporate shill. Nothing more than a weasel who stomped on his employees, off shored jobs to keep his Wall Street masters happy. Now he wants to complain about job numbers, say they're all fixed. Look asshole just because you spent years at GE fudging the numbers you reported to investors, the public and the IRS, doesn't mean everyone else does. Somebody needs to hit this guy in the head, with a bag of votes.

  49. Gleem McShineys

    Jack Welch, it's called Freedom of Speech.

    Not Freedom of Screech.

    Perhaps they taught you wrong in your American Historionics classes?

  50. glamourdammerung

    What a whiny bitch.

    What is it with Republicans and playing the victim card every single time they are called on their nonsense?

  51. zumpie

    So the big question is which is more totally horrible? Having people laugh at you when you say something completely fucking stupid or having to live in France in the 1960's instead of getting killed in Viet Nam?

  52. mosjef

    Memo to Adulterous Toaster Boy: they are making fun of you to your face now, instead of behind your back. So Jack off.

  53. Francis Urqhart

    Feel sympathy for Jack. It is rather painful having one's panties in a twist, even if it's a self-twisting.

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