founding potheads

Smoke Em If You Got Em: Appeals Court To Decide Whether You Can Get Hiiiiighhhh

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

mount cushmoreIn a CLEARLY partisan move, a federal court is going to review “evidence” and “science” and listen to a bunch of “doctors” so they can decide once and for all if the American people should be free to get highhhhhhh.

For the first time in 20 years, a federal court will review scientific evidence on the therapeutic value of marijuana, as a legal challenge by a group of doctors, medical professionals and patients makes its way to the U.S. court of appeals in Washington, D.C., next week.

Americans for Safe Access is hoping the challenge will change the government’s classification of marijuana from a dangerous drug with no medical benefits, the Guardian reported.

Sidenote: there is no word yet on what Arizona GOP Congressman Trent Franks has to say about this, and as we all learned this summer, the policies of the entire country (and ESPECIALLY DC) are subject to his approval. In the meantime, we will go see a doctor about our migraines, while your Editrix informs us she will continue to smoke her legal marijuana until the dastardly Nobama administration shutters every pot shop in L.A., because you gotta have a war on something.

[WSJ]

About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

View all articles by Kris E. Benson

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • ahnc

    SCOTUS will bogart that joint, my friend.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

      Seriously. It's hard to read any headline that says, "Circuit Court to Consider Science in Matter of…" without instictively reading the impending headline, "Circuit Court Overturned Upon Appeal Of…"

      • ahnc

        It is frustrating, I agree, Incitefully_Joe
        I'm just guessing… it will go to SCOTUS eventually and they will smoke it.

        • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

          Justice Kennedy will opine about how he totally knows that some people have smoked up, and then regretted it later, and that's all the "evidence" he needs.

          Justice Scalia will be pretty certain that a plain reading of the Constitution means that the founders totally wanted marijuana to be outlawed, it says so right there in Article Shut Up, That's Why.

          Justice Kagan will recuse herself.

          • ahnc

            AMERICA: Where Christian Snake Handling is legal but smoking a weed isn't.

  • no_gravity

    Nice spliffs.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I just hope they take into consideration Dylan's Rainy Day Women advice.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      #12 or #35?

      Cuz it matters.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Al of them (whooooosh … … … coff coff coff coff!) Katy.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          *pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft* Shureboutdat *whooooosh*

  • littlebigdaddy

    Will Cheech and Chong be giving amicus briefs?

    • Lot_49

      No way will an ex-convict criminal mastermind like Tommy Chong be granted any credence. Thank goodness the law caught him in time, though!

      • cousinitt

        Lucky they're being represented by their attorney, Dave. Thing is though, the boys still can't find Dave.

    • PsycWench

      I don't want their underwear.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    As wild as the court decisions have been lately, I wouldn't be surprised if the Supremes made it a capital offense.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    OK, who's holding?

    Mail a key to:

    U.S. Courthouse and

    William B. Bryant Annex

    333 Constitution Ave., NW Washington, DC 20001

    You know, for evidence.

    • BadKitty904

      And for votes? Also?

    • Mittaplasia

      i'll keep mine and mail them some anecdotal evidence/few roaches under a different name.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    The Veep debate will take care of this:

    RYAN (Foam-flecked scream): "We cannot permit this deadly drug to ruin our nation!"

    BIDEN: "Hey, man…just chill out…easy…easy"

  • gullywompr

    Well, there goes our nation's privatized prison industry…

    • mrpuma2u

      and good riddance. These are the guys that are gearing up for a K street Putsch when this thing finally hits the Supreme court.

  • PuckStopsHere

    If the phrase, "Dave's not here, man!" appears in the opinion of the court, we will know we have won.

    • noodlesalad

      Justice Thomas is definitely drinking vodka, not water.

    • proudgrampa

      No stems, no seeds
      That you don't need
      Acapulco Gold is
      Bad Ass Weed!

  • SexySmurf

    until the dastardly Nobama administration shutters every pot shop in L.A.

    INTERCEPTED!

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Incitefully_Joe

      TOUCHDOWN SEATTLE!

      • snowpointsecret

        I can imagine it:

        The Supreme Court has decided 5-4 along partisan lines to reverse the decision of an interception. When asked, Scalia commented that it was because Obama is a Bears fan, and giving the Packers the win would at least mildly annoy him.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        TOUCHDOWN SEATTLE TIMES!

  • PsycWench

    I think there should be some marijuana samples added to any products that seem appropriate, like Midol, pizza and Pink Floyd albums.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Shit, now I'm hungry.

  • LastGasp

    How will "scientific evidence" matter to the right-wingers on the Supreme Court?

    • BadKitty904

      Truly. God will tell them what to do.

    • PsycWench

      The defense will present that age-old poem:
      God is perfect
      Man is not
      Man made liquor
      God made pot.

      • WhatTheHolyHeck

        I've just found religion.

  • noodlesalad

    As was clearly established Bogart v. Jones, you must pass the Dutchie Judgment to the left hand side.

    Of course Scalia sided with Bogart.

    • widestanceromance

      Lucky Pierre libel!

    • Crank_Tango

      And later, in a hotbox session, you can guess where he landed on He who smelt it v. Dealt it.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "dastardly Nobama administration shutters every pot shop in L.A.,"

    I understand that Denver is worth the trip.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Sayyyy…isn't that where you live?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Naw, dude, I live, like, three centuries away, in Texas.

        • BadKitty904

          "…Texas, where they *make* white people…"

          ~ Donald Glover

      • cousinitt

        Near downtown Denver, I live within 1/8 of a mile of TWO "herbal daze" clinics. Seriously. One shop is located in between a quick check cash store and a Southwest Mex restaurant.

        Good Times are had by many in my neighborhood.

        • Negropolis

          Hell before the feds and the state started cracking down on dispensaries here in my little(ish) city of just over 100,000 here in Michigan, there were 41 in 36 square miles.

    • Mittaplasia

      Just find a good delivery service; no problem; they're a little harder to catch up with.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Wake me up when the stuff no longer puts me to sleep.

    • RedneckMuslin

      Twelve packs of Bud does that to me. Bud as in Weiser not weed.

    • Isyaignert

      There are two types of cannabis – indica and sativa. Indica should be used for nighttime activities or pain, as it will make you very relaxed, while sativa is good for daytime use and can actually make you feel energetic. Some strains are being developed that have properties of both plants.

      • WhatTheHolyHeck

        So I can treat anxiety and not become a zombie? SIGN. ME. UP.

    • CindynEncinitas

      May I recommend a nice sativa, like Blue Dream, Skywalker or Strawberry Cough.

  • snowpointsecret

    After seeing the picture, I was disappointed that the article wasn't about our Founding Fathers getting high.

    Okay, maybe not, but you can't blame a girl for trying.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Behind every good man there is a woman, and that woman was Martha Washington, man, and everyday George would come home, she would have a big fat bowl waiting for him, man, when he come in the door, man, she was a hip, hip, hip lady, man. Didja ever look at a dollar bill, man? There's some spooky shit goin' on there. And it's green too.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I'd do Martha just out of respect for that. if I was, you know, married to her

    • Isyaignert

      Well, the first draft of the US Constitution was written on hemp paper. Also, too, Thomas Jefferson and George Washington were hemp farmers.

      We really ought to legalize hemp again – it is an incredibly versatile, useful plant and the most efficient means of turning sunlight into cellulose. Henry Ford made a car out of hemp that ran on hemp gasoline – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54vD_cPCQM8

  • hagajim

    I was going to comment earlier, but I had to get some munchies.

  • freakishlywrong

    Today, we are all Towelie.

    • Mittaplasia

      They killed Kenny; they're coming for Towelie next!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    If the case ever gets that "high", it would truly be a wonder to behold a Roberts court decision in favor. Eyes melt, skin explodes…

  • Callyson

    until the dastardly Nobama administration shutters every pot shop in L.A.

    And since there's one on every block here, this war will be about as successful as the War on Poverty was.

    • Negropolis

      Well, the War on Poverty was half-assed and interrupted intermittently a whole number of times. The War on Drugs has been serious-as-sin for decades on end, now, with no let up. If they want the pot shops gone, they'll be gone, even if they have to call in the National Guard to do it.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    The proceedings will move veeerrryyyy slowly, what with all the breaks for potato chips and grape soda and episodes of South Park.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Fast food joints and the makers of Slim Jims and Doritios hope that the Appeals Court will make the correct and wise decision.

    • delaney_blom

      You are a genius . . . I'm going to supplement my next Doritos Locos taco with a Slim Jim.

      Oh Yeah!

  • Gorillionaire

    One of the funniest things that has ever been on television was when Dave Chappell said on the Fallon show, with a straight face, that he had never smoked a doob before.

  • Crank_Tango

    Hey, if the original framers had wanted weed to be legal, it would have been legal.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Hemp was, that's the problem. I can't imagine they thought anyone *koffkoffRepublicanskoffkoff* would be STOOPIT enough to criminalize such a useful herb

      • Crank_Tango

        Apparently, dope-smoking minorities hadn't been invented yet.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Like Jefferson?

      • PubOption

        And his Airplane.

    • Baconzgood

      We have a borough in the sticks of Eastern PA called Hempfield. It's been there since the 1740's. But nothing of histological significance ever happened in Pennsylvania so we're not "Real Americans".

  • Blueb4sinrise

    As long as it is labeled correctly, I'm good .

    But be careful, or the kids will be playing crazy music.

    Kitty,Daisy &Lewis

    • BadKitty904

      What with the jazz and the ragtime and all…

  • FakaktaSouth

    Ah yes the continued debate as to whether we treat people in the US like grown-ups ever. I'm going to California with an aching in my joints, cause arthritis counts, no? I could totally have arthritis, they don't know. And I personally would rather deal with 100 potheads over 1 drunk, and I really really like drunks.

    • Tommmcatt_Again

      Oh, arthritis counts, love. Rest assured, it counts.

      I used to say that about people on estacy, by the way. Better 100 candy ravers than 1 drunk.

      • Lot_49

        "Loss of appetite" too. It's a miracle cure!

    • mrpuma2u

      Just say mild anxiety disorder.

    • Negropolis

      Hell, here in Michigan, all you have to do is sneeze to get it since the Republican legislature wants to over-regulate the amendment to the point where it's meaningless, and the people aren't having it, so the thing remains nearly completely unregulated at the moment.

  • mrpuma2u

    The justices should not be able to rule until they have eaten a "brownie" and watched koyaanisqatsi.

    • BadKitty904

      That flick is some heavy shit, maaan. I think."

      • PubOption

        I have never been able to stay awake until the end, no matter what condition I may have been in. It should be one of the movie selections on any long flight.

    • An_Outhouse

      or 200 Motels.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Here's some obscure for ya:

    ♫ Well, you can smoke it, you can eat it, you can mix it with yer beer,
    You can snort it through your nose, and you can hang it in yer ear.
    And if you’ve got the notion boys, and if you got the class,
    You can chuck it in his feedbag and feed it to your ass.

    When your feet are in the stirrups, and your ass is on the ground
    ‘Cuz the grass that he's been eatin’ is the finest stuff around;
    Well, let us all remember boys, and let us not fergit,
    Strike a match and light another marijuana cigarette. ♪

    • BadKitty904

      Have you ever seen that funny reefer man?

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      Hey, where's the LIKE button on this damned thing?

  • Baconzgood

    *gurgling bong…exhale and cough*

    Wha?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Did you bring enough to share with the class????

  • GregComlish

    The highest court in the land now has a chance to live up to its name

  • BadKitty904

    Because Prohibition worked out so successfully back in the 1920s…

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Just like the lack of regulation on Wall Street.

  • Theywontlisten

    The Constitution was written on hemp paper I do believe. Subliminal message from Bob Marley and the Founding Fathers?

    • prommie

      Sheepskin

  • pdiddycornchips

    The constitution makes no mention of marijuana therefore we can assume Scalia will vote to uphold state law. That is unless his strict constructionist crap is just a convenient mask for his wingnuttery. I'm guessing the latter.

  • Sivart_R1

    Any idea how this could relate to the production of hemp again, since we can get so much more biomass from hemp per year than we do from trees…

    • Isyaignert

      At the risk of being redundant, I just posted the following a few comments up from yours, but it's important and you're obviously interested –

      We really ought to legalize hemp again – it is an incredibly versatile, useful plant and the most efficient means of turning sunlight into cellulose. Henry Ford made a car out of hemp that ran on hemp gasoline – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54vD_cPCQM8
      Well, the first draft of the US Constitution was written on hemp paper. Also, too, Thomas Jefferson and George Washington were hemp farmers.

  • UnholyMoses

    As someone who's had two back surgeries and, thus, has had to take a ton of pills and, thus, has gastroparesis (Google it), making pot legal would truly and honestly improve my quality of life in ways I can barely imagine.

    Which, of course, means it will never, ever be legal. 'Cause gawd would never let me be that happy.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    the world would be a better place if scalia and alito were always high.

    thomas, wouldn't make much difference.

  • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

    "I was a hippie
    I was a burn-out
    I was so wasted
    I was out of my mind
    I was so wasted
    (Still am!)"

    P.S.: L.A. City Council, in response to a petition campaign, decided not to further regulate, control & close reefer parlors. (Doesn't stop the Feds, but keeps the local pigs away.)

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    OT, but not by much. Speaking of getting high, yesterday was John Lennon's birthday. The great rock blog Scorpio Rising had a piece about John's anti-asshole sentiments that is especially pertinent in this election season. Gimme Some Truth, indeed.
    http://scorpio-rising.net/happy-72nd-birthday-joh

  • ttommyunger

    I am not a judgmental or cruel person, but this Trent Franks asshole just gives hare-lips a bad name.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    The hell with the medical marijuana charade — just make it legal for recreational use and be done with it — that way the pro-legalization folks don't have to play the stupid game of coming up with medically contestable justifications. Yes, I know it has medical value too, but its legality shouldn't be dependent on that because there's always someone around who's going to argue that the science is bogus.

  • DahBoner

    No, they'll rule that it doesn't have any large-scale, double-blind placebo "industry standard" studies, done on tens of thousands of people, over decades (because ITS FUCKING ILLEGAL TO DO SO), therefore there is no "proof".

    2:1 odds, all takers, bubble hash or better…

  • Negropolis

    Clearly, Americans for Safe Access are a false flag, because anyone knows that everything makes it up to the Supremes, these days, because the Supremes are fucking greedy, salivating at the chance to rollback the 21st and 20th centuries.