bundles of joy

Get Ready For Your Close-Up, Tea Bag Pro-Life Congressman Who Pressured His Mistress To ‘Bortion His Baby

At least five different women let this man bone themBitches. All you’re trying to do is treat their foot fungus or whatever, and they hold you down and rape you probably, and then they tell you they are on the Pill or something, and then they get your sperm all up in them and it makes a little tiny baby! Obviously it is their fault your wife divorces you after initiating divorce proceedings two years prior when she found out about your first affair (of four). What can a future Tea Bag pro-life Congressman do but record himself on the phone pressuring the succubus-raper to get a ‘bortion of his tiny little Gift from God? Tennessee Congressman Scott DesJarlais, you are a walking Good Decision!

There are so many delicious quotes from Rep. Scott DesJarlais’s secret recording of himself and his inamorata, wherein they argue like Jews and Palestinians over who sucked whose toes first (DesJarlais claims his lover came on to him, from the examining table!), and who is or is not too busy to go with his lover to have the tiny baby bits suctioned from her womb, and who is or is not responsible for DesJarlais’s long-suffering wife filing for divorce. (Hint: it is Scott DesJarlais’s lover who is to blame, ever and always, mostly because she’s not a man.)

“You told me you’d have an abortion, and now we’re getting too far along without one,” DesJarlais tells the woman at one point in the call while negotiating with her over whether he’ll reveal her identity to his wife. They then discuss whether he will accompany her to a procedure to end the sort of life the congressman now describes as “sacred.”

“You told me you would have time to go with me and everything,” the woman complains.

“I said, if I could, I would, didn’t I? And I will try,” DesJarlais says. “If I can [find] time, you’re saying you still will?”

“Yeah,” the woman answers.

The two bicker over when they can meet to hash out a solution, and they make clear the nature of their relationship when DesJarlais says delaying a resolution isn’t fair to his wife.

“This is not fair to me. I don’t want you in my life,” the woman says.

“Well, I didn’t want to be in your life either, but you lied to me about something that caused us to be in this situation, and that’s not my fault, that’s yours,” the doctor responds.

Well, it’s [your] fault for sleeping with your patient,” the woman fires back.

After arguing for a bit about who came on to whom — with the woman seeming incredulous at DesJarlais’ interpretation that she made the first move — he gets back to the abortion. […]

He talks repeatedly of getting the problem “solved” or “fixed” and eventually explains he’s desperate to patch things up with his wife, who had filed for divorce two years before, in late 1998, alleging improper marital conduct. She had relented, however, and according to court documents, they were trying to reconcile.

The marriage appeared to fall apart for good at about the time DesJarlais made his recorded phone call, and he eventually admitted in court papers to at least four affairs. Court records indicate that at one point in the marriage, they had a “written agreement to date other people.”

When DesJarlais was recording the call, though, he appeared to be trying for a last-ditch reprieve.

“Well, I’ve been going crazy. I mean, if Susan could talk to you, she’d tell you that I’ve been psychotic for months over this,” DesJarlais says. “I don’t sleep at night. I mean, it’s like I’m trying to build my family back together just waiting for it to fall apart, and it’s been eating me apart.”

Poor mean, dumb fucker.

Oh and by the way, this is all someone else’s fault, duh.

“Desperate personal attacks do not solve our nation’s problems, yet it appears my opponents are choosing to once again engage in the same gutter politics that CBS news called the dirtiest in the nation just 2 years ago.”


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  1. Barbara_

    Four affairs? I can't believe that he found even one woman to sleep with him unless she was a hooker who took post dated checks or Bristol Palin.

          1. Barbara_

            Thanks, WeeJee and happy Hump Day to ya.
            It just seems that it must be hard for a hooker to plan for her retirement. You know, with overhead and all.

    1. BlueStateLibel

      That's the truly astonishing thing in the whole matter, along with a woman agreeing to marry him, and that he was actually elected to political office. Wonders never cease.

      1. Isyaignert

        That would be CANCER.; ergo, Republicons are a cancer on the world. Which is what I've been saying for decades.

    1. Lot_49

      Guys who can rock the bullet-head: Michael Jordan.
      Guys who can't: all others, particularly middle-aged white dudes who won't go bald with dignity.

      1. actor212

        HEY now, I resemble that remark!

        My choices were shave it all off or have that stupid fringe of hair that I'd have to remind myself to go see the barber or end up looking like Hulk Hogan.

        Be fair now!

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          Maybe you could trim it just so to get that cool medieval friar look? Are they casting for a revival of the Brother Cadfael Mysteries yet?

        2. Lot_49

          Revised ruling:

          Guys who can rock the bullet-head: Michael Jordan, plus actor212.
          Guys who can't: all others, particularly middle-aged white dudes who won't go bald with dignity.

          Hirsute-ism rears its shaggy head…

      1. gullywompr

        Well, PsychWench, my question to you is – Where are all these desperate women, baby?

        (apologies to Garret Morris)

  2. LibertyLover

    Considering this all happened in 2000, Inquiring minds want to know if there is another mini-DesJarlais running around or if we need to sic Randall Terry on Congressman DesJarlais's ass.

  3. elviouslyqueer

    For the record, I would rather not envision any type of sexytime with this Uncle Fester wannabe.

  4. ManchuCandidate

    Bagger don't preach, I'm in trouble deep
    Bagger don't preach, I've been losing sleep
    But I made up my mind, I'm keeping my baby, oh
    I'm gonna keep my baby, mmm…

    He says that he wants me to abort it
    He says he's got a family
    So I got the tape all right
    It's on TV

    But this pro lifer keeps telling me to give it up
    Saying I'm a slut, he didn't want to knock me up
    What I need right now is some good vengance, please

  5. freakishlywrong

    That's "D&C" Wonkett. Teatards and their equally worthless impregnatees get D&Cs" NOT abortions. Those are for brown poors.

  6. Tommmcatt_Again

    Desperate personal attacks do not solve our nation’s problems, yet it appears my opponents are choosing to once again engage in the same gutter politics that CBS news called the dirtiest in the nation just 2 years ago.

    I will never understand how the right-wing, nominally the party of family values and strict morality in this country (according to them), always fails to see how it is a question of basic values when they do things like cheat on their wives or do meth with male prostitutes. If you can't uphold the promise implied by your party- namely, that your morals are superior and your conduct is sterling- or the vows you make to the most important person in your life, how are we supposed to trust you not to abuse public office? In this case, the moron broke the hippocratic oath.

    At least the liberal man-whores (I'm looking at you, Spitzer and Edwards) have the decency to realize that their conduct disqualifies them from political life. These turds seem to always go on the attack first thing, like it's their right to fuck around and how dare we even mention it.

    Oh, and Mr DesJarlais? Nice head, you greasy fuckstick.

  7. delaney_blom

    From the HuffPo story:
    The filing included allegations that he held a gun in his own mouth for hours in one instance and that he "dry fired" a gun outside his wife's bedroom in another.
    If only he had "dry fired" with his mistress . . .

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Oh lovely; the gun in mouth thing. I guess it's just as well this guy commits suicide – with votes, of course. Which is sort of what's going on right now.

  8. edgydrifter

    For conservatives, "personal responsibility" means somebody else is personally responsible for all the stupid shit they do.

  9. Ruhe

    I remember when Grampa Munster was running for congress but I hadn't heard about Uncle Fester putting on a Republican Uniform and going to the dark side.

    1. Beowoof

      Al Lewis a guy with a PhD in Psychology. I remember signing his petition to get on the ballot in New York for governor. Also, a very funny guy.

    2. DemmeFatale

      I saw him on the street when I was in town for the New York Democratic Convention.
      He laughed and smiled when he caught a glimpse of my credential, but kept walking.

    1. emmelemm

      Given we're talking Tennessee, he might have had to give her Greyhound bus fare to another state.

  10. mavenmaven

    Its important to note that in many states, having sex with a patient is grounds for losing one's medical license.

    1. HogeyeGrex

      Seriously. The abortion, and the hypocrisy, and the taping are all very much lesser issues than a doctor making sexytime with patients. That's a huge no-no.

    2. Troglodeity

      I think in Tennessee it's required for a medical license. It's the abortion part that's a no-no.

    3. Veritas78

      More red-tape regulations. The government shouldn't interfere with the doctor-patient relationship!

    4. Dashboard Buddha

      I bet it won't happen though. Teabaggers seem to be the new third rail of American politics. Can't upset 'em, nope nope.

  11. actor212

    Oh dear, Cocktober seems to be stirring again.

    Hey, DesJarlais…tell me again why my daughter can't have an abortion? Something something birth control, right?

  12. Hera Sent Me

    I remember when Republicans were against abortion except in cases of rape or incest, or whatever personal reasons they had to procure one.

    Now it seems they're down to just that last exception.

  13. SayItWithWookies

    “Well, I didn’t want to be in your life either, but you lied to me about something that caused us to be in this situation, and that’s not my fault, that’s yours,” the doctor responds.

    So I'm assuming that the mistress lied to the guy about how pregnancy happens? Too bad they didn't teach that subject in medical school.

    1. Gleem McShineys

      If only someone had answered his online question in a timely manner, the one about "How is babby formed?"

      Therefore, it is everyone else's fault because of that lack of information.

  14. calliecallie

    Who's running against him? Maybe we should send that guy some money. I know it's Tennessee, but they've got to be able to do better than this.

  15. ChillBill

    "The marriage appeared to fall apart for good at about the time DesJarlais made his recorded phone call, and he eventually admitted in court papers to at least four affairs. Court records indicate that at one point in the marriage, they had a “written agreement to date other people.”

    Has he applied for a credit line at Tiffanys yet?

  16. BaldarTFlagass

    If he's a doctor, why didn't he just do the abortion himself? Or is Abortion 101 an elective in med school?

      1. delaney_blom

        It's the kind of procedure that you can learn at a one-day seminar at the Red Roof Inn by the airport.

        1. tessiee

          Is it run by the same guy with the much too carefully folded pocket handkerchief and lots of hair gel who runs all the one-day seminars at the Red Roof Inn?

          1. delaney_blom

            It is.

            What if I told you that you could provide financial stability for you, your children, and your children's children in two easy steps? I'm talking about a proven two-step program that you can master over the course of a six hours. Is six hours of your time too much to ask for your grandkids to be filthy rich? I didn't think so. Join me at the Red Roof Inn by the airport, this Saturday . . .

  17. Serolf_Divad

    Er… correction Rebbecah… it wasn't rape. She got pregnant, remember? It couldn't have been rape because a woman's body has ways of stopping her from getting pregnant if she was raped. Oh, wait… you mean he was raped. My bad. You're probably right. Medical science has pretty conclusively proven that a man will only disavow his offspring if it was the product of succubosis, AKA, female rape of the male.

    Poor guy, he's pretty clearly the victim in all this.

    1. BadKitty904

      This guy may be male, but his behavior clearly indicates he's not a "man," at least in the positive sense of the term.

  18. sullivanst

    Don't suppose his opponent's named Harry? Because it sure seems like someone told the truth about him and he thinks it's hell.

  19. docterry6973

    This guy should face medical ethics sanctions. There is no grey area here. No sex with patients, period. Doesn't matter if they want it; doesn't matter if they dance naked on top of the desk. It's a no-no.

    I would love to know how this dim-bulb thought he was helping himself by recording the call.

    1. SheriffRoscoe

      DesJarlais voters don't give a damn about his actions and deeds. All they care about is that letter "R" after his name on the ballot. This concludes today's lesson on parables: "Knowing a tree by it's fruit."

  20. SheriffRoscoe

    Even good ol' Uncle Fester gets laid, because of charm, we guess?

    Ed: I gotta start hitting the Wonkette earlier in the day. All the good comments are taken by the time I roll out of bed at the crack of 9am.

  21. LibertyLover

    A Planned Parenthood handbook on abortion notes that nearly half of all abortions are for women who describe themselves as born-again Christian, Evangelical Christian, or Catholic.

      1. Isyaignert

        The religious nutz don't believe in contraception because they want everyone to make more religious nutz who will give them lots of money.

        I told my husband that's the reason Joseph Smith was into polygamy – to make more Mormons and the real reason the Catholics are against birth control. It's all about power and money and control over people – nothing new to see here.

  22. MistaEko


    This is a lesson in momentum. A steamrolling debate placing Romney as an afterthought means shit like this starts fucking with down-ticket races, puts Missouri out of play, and keeps starts cutting into North Carolina and Arizona.

    Instead we're left snarking largely by ourselves, his race gets a bit more competitive, and several of his ilk keep on keepin on.

  23. PuckStopsHere

    What does Pat Robertson have to say about Joe Walsh's bff here? Still endorsing him, I'll bet. After all, in Robertson's world view, he only murdered a baby.

    1. Isyaignert

      Well if the dude's wife had Altzheimer's Funny Uncle Pat Robertson says God's cool with fukking around on your spouse, because they'll never know about it.

      OTOH, he is for legalizing cannabis, so he does have moments of lucid thought.

  24. iburl

    This guy may be a hypocritical tea bagging serial cheater, but can any of YOU turn on a lightbulb by putting in your mouth? Didn't think so.

  25. SheriffRoscoe

    Remember that time Bill Clinton did that thing with the cigar, and all the republicans and future teabaggers were all "hey leave the guy's personal life out of it…."? Yeah, me neither.

  26. MinAgain

    Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the great state of Tennessee. Mainly because I don't really want it, anymore.

  27. fuflans

    also: why are so many doctors teabagger libertarian shitheads? i mean seriously, i don't want to give any of these tools my libtard dollars.

  28. Weenus299

    God help me. Just go do the 'bortion thing with the woman and get it over with. File for divorce. Fuck it. Be alone, be honest with your kids that your marriage was successful in that it brought them into the world, but shit just couldn't get worked out. Go see a movie. Go eat some Chinese food. sit in a bar and strike up a conversation with a sassy brunette who's had her eye on you for a bunch of years. Or not, fuck it. Reruns of Gunsmoke are always available.

    But no. You go and run for reelection on some damn morals ticket. People are fucked up.

  29. TribecaMike

    From his Wikipedia entry:

    DesJarlais divorced his first wife, Susan, in 2001; they had one child.During their divorce proceedings, Susan DesJarlais alleged that her ex-husband engaged in "violent and threatening behavior".

  30. zumpie

    1) Just total fucking EWW.__

    2) No snark – I like how it's pointed out that totes obs, this is the wimmins' fault, cause we're you know, evil. Now what's scary is on a PARENTING BLOG I frequent, there are scary moms who truly view little girls as wanting to do all of this to their precious sons. One mom talked about warning her 8&10 year old boys about the "whores in their classroom". And how these "whores" (or as I prefer, children) will "wrap them around their fingers, chew them up and spit them out". __

    Another talked about how "horny" eight and nine year old females are, nowadays. And a teacher discussed "prostitots" in her first grade class. Military dad made the claim that skinny jeans at 6 or 7 equals life of prostitution shortly thereafter.__

      1. viennawoods13

        We had a gang of girls at our school in the late 90's who called themselves that. Their specialty was sleeping with their target's boyfriend and then boasting about it. and they were all in my drama class together. Good times. Good times.

  31. zumpie

    Also, too

    Yet another good mommy claimed her son's middle school features 20 currently pregnant 8th grade girls (must've missed THAT episode on Jerry Springer) and at least 6 different girls had "tried to force her son to go to third base with them". So pre-teen girls apparently "force" boys to let them blow them or jack them off? Perhaps she was just a big Penthouse Forum fan.__

    In otherwards the bagger indoctrination starts young and is sadly perpetuated by ladies, against ladies

  32. GeorgiaBurning

    He even looks like a dick. Remember George Carlin's bit on white guys who shave their heads?

  33. CapnFatback

    Court records indicate that at one point in the marriage, they had a “written agreement to date other people.”

    His officiousness was more responsible than the affairs for killing the marriage. You should have seen the paper work his ex had to fill out to get him to go down on her!

  34. Yellerdawg

    Maybe next time he will cruise his patients' intake records to see who is really on birth control. That's totally down with HIPAA, right?

  35. tessiee

    "He talks repeatedly of getting the problem “solved” or “fixed” "

    This reminds me of an interview with Jeffrey Dahmer, when he said he had invited one of his bar pickups to come home with him, and then "he became deceased".

    1. DahBoner

      You don't need cloroform when you make 6 figures and drive a sports car, live in a McMansion, etc doctor lifestyle…

  36. crusaderaxe

    Ok, nothing to see here. Right wing nut bag from Tennesse beats wife, knocks up girl friend, tells her to get abortion because he's right to life to death of his unborn child, generously offers to go to Atlanta or someplace to hold her hand if "he can find the time" and now is running for a second term as a TeaParty Republican and demands resurrection, errr, errection, ah, RE-ELECTION based on his Superior MORAL CODE TO ANY AND ALL DEMOCRATS…I gotta say to the women I know and care about, if you vote for any of these guys or their really Stockholmed Syndrome Female counterparts, you deserve them. Enjoy your Burka, care of the Christian Taliban…

  37. DahBoner

    "Well, it's [your] fault for sleeping with your patients, the woman fired back"

    Said the woman who slept with her doctor…

    1. Trinket

      Ehhh, the patient takes no oath to do no harm. And is not bound by professional ethics. She was dumb, perhaps, but he was willfully unethical–not to mention A GIANT ASSHOLE.

  38. Dashboard Buddha

    You know, the actor who played Uncle Fester had to work with a make-up artist to look as creepy as he did. It seems to come naturally to this dude.

  39. Negropolis

    This needs to be made national news, I'm talking about all of the night television magazines. This is the beating heart of the Republican Party: rank hypocrisy.

  40. usuhname

    My gutter-dwelling opponent just won't stop spreading these vicious truths about me!!
    I thought sleazy well-connected wealthy white guys were always supposed to come out on top? NO FAIR America!!

  41. sayprettyplease

    How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette?
    —George Carlin

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