BUNDLES OF JOY  11:50 am October 10, 2012

Get Ready For Your Close-Up, Tea Bag Pro-Life Congressman Who Pressured His Mistress To ‘Bortion His Baby

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

At least five different women let this man bone themBitches. All you’re trying to do is treat their foot fungus or whatever, and they hold you down and rape you probably, and then they tell you they are on the Pill or something, and then they get your sperm all up in them and it makes a little tiny baby! Obviously it is their fault your wife divorces you after initiating divorce proceedings two years prior when she found out about your first affair (of four). What can a future Tea Bag pro-life Congressman do but record himself on the phone pressuring the succubus-raper to get a ‘bortion of his tiny little Gift from God? Tennessee Congressman Scott DesJarlais, you are a walking Good Decision!

There are so many delicious quotes from Rep. Scott DesJarlais’s secret recording of himself and his inamorata, wherein they argue like Jews and Palestinians over who sucked whose toes first (DesJarlais claims his lover came on to him, from the examining table!), and who is or is not too busy to go with his lover to have the tiny baby bits suctioned from her womb, and who is or is not responsible for DesJarlais’s long-suffering wife filing for divorce. (Hint: it is Scott DesJarlais’s lover who is to blame, ever and always, mostly because she’s not a man.)

“You told me you’d have an abortion, and now we’re getting too far along without one,” DesJarlais tells the woman at one point in the call while negotiating with her over whether he’ll reveal her identity to his wife. They then discuss whether he will accompany her to a procedure to end the sort of life the congressman now describes as “sacred.”

“You told me you would have time to go with me and everything,” the woman complains.

“I said, if I could, I would, didn’t I? And I will try,” DesJarlais says. “If I can [find] time, you’re saying you still will?”

“Yeah,” the woman answers.

The two bicker over when they can meet to hash out a solution, and they make clear the nature of their relationship when DesJarlais says delaying a resolution isn’t fair to his wife.

“This is not fair to me. I don’t want you in my life,” the woman says.

“Well, I didn’t want to be in your life either, but you lied to me about something that caused us to be in this situation, and that’s not my fault, that’s yours,” the doctor responds.

Well, it’s [your] fault for sleeping with your patient,” the woman fires back.

After arguing for a bit about who came on to whom — with the woman seeming incredulous at DesJarlais’ interpretation that she made the first move — he gets back to the abortion. [...]

He talks repeatedly of getting the problem “solved” or “fixed” and eventually explains he’s desperate to patch things up with his wife, who had filed for divorce two years before, in late 1998, alleging improper marital conduct. She had relented, however, and according to court documents, they were trying to reconcile.

The marriage appeared to fall apart for good at about the time DesJarlais made his recorded phone call, and he eventually admitted in court papers to at least four affairs. Court records indicate that at one point in the marriage, they had a “written agreement to date other people.”

When DesJarlais was recording the call, though, he appeared to be trying for a last-ditch reprieve.

“Well, I’ve been going crazy. I mean, if Susan could talk to you, she’d tell you that I’ve been psychotic for months over this,” DesJarlais says. “I don’t sleep at night. I mean, it’s like I’m trying to build my family back together just waiting for it to fall apart, and it’s been eating me apart.”

Poor mean, dumb fucker.

Oh and by the way, this is all someone else’s fault, duh.

“Desperate personal attacks do not solve our nation’s problems, yet it appears my opponents are choosing to once again engage in the same gutter politics that CBS news called the dirtiest in the nation just 2 years ago.”

[HuffPo]

 
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{ 200 comments }

Barbara_ October 10, 2012 at 11:52 am

Four affairs? I can't believe that he found even one woman to sleep with him unless she was a hooker who took post dated checks or Bristol Palin.

Preferred Customer October 10, 2012 at 11:57 am

You won't find many hookers that will take a Palin, Bristol or otherwise.

Lascauxcaveman October 10, 2012 at 12:25 pm

But the ones that do? Heart of gold.

Chichikovovich October 10, 2012 at 11:59 am

The hookers who take payment in Bristol Palin are particularly desperate.

Barbara_ October 10, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Do hookers even think about pork belly futures?

weejee October 10, 2012 at 12:07 pm

That's a pregnant thought. Well done!

Barbara_ October 10, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Thanks, WeeJee and happy Hump Day to ya.
It just seems that it must be hard for a hooker to plan for her retirement. You know, with overhead and all.

BlueStateLibel October 10, 2012 at 12:11 pm

That's the truly astonishing thing in the whole matter, along with a woman agreeing to marry him, and that he was actually elected to political office. Wonders never cease.

Lascauxcaveman October 10, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Tennessee. Duh.

Don't expect too much.

Come here a minute October 10, 2012 at 11:52 am

"My opponent is in the gutter telling the truth about me."

zumpie October 10, 2012 at 1:11 pm

So says Marie-Ann Romnette when Mitty is called out on his flip flops and lies

Boojum October 10, 2012 at 11:53 am

He thought she was his sister, which would have made it OK.

ifthethunderdontgetya October 10, 2012 at 11:53 am

More proof that humanity is a virus.

As if any was needed…
~

BlueStateLibel October 10, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Tea baggers are a virus.

eggsacklywright October 10, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Right. What kind of dumbfuck organism kills its host, and therefore itself? Just for giggles?

Isyaignert October 10, 2012 at 3:48 pm

That would be CANCER.; ergo, Republicons are a cancer on the world. Which is what I've been saying for decades.

gullywompr October 10, 2012 at 11:54 am

Wait… there are women that actually fucked that guy?

eggsacklywright October 10, 2012 at 11:56 am

Can't explain it.

Lot_49 October 10, 2012 at 11:57 am

Guys who can rock the bullet-head: Michael Jordan.
Guys who can't: all others, particularly middle-aged white dudes who won't go bald with dignity.

actor212 October 10, 2012 at 12:06 pm

HEY now, I resemble that remark!

My choices were shave it all off or have that stupid fringe of hair that I'd have to remind myself to go see the barber or end up looking like Hulk Hogan.

Be fair now!

Lascauxcaveman October 10, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Maybe you could trim it just so to get that cool medieval friar look? Are they casting for a revival of the Brother Cadfael Mysteries yet?

actor212 October 10, 2012 at 12:31 pm

I thought about the Captain Picard look but realized that was a lot more work than lather and a Gillette razor once a week.

Lot_49 October 10, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Revised ruling:

Guys who can rock the bullet-head: Michael Jordan, plus actor212.
Guys who can't: all others, particularly middle-aged white dudes who won't go bald with dignity.

Hirsute-ism rears its shaggy head…

Beowoof October 10, 2012 at 12:16 pm

The generosity of some women is amazing.

sullivanst October 10, 2012 at 12:24 pm

The pity fuck. It's real.

BaldarTFlagass October 10, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Well, who knows what kind of hideous hosebeast he might hit on.

PsycWench October 10, 2012 at 12:31 pm

There are desperate women out there, 'wompr.

gullywompr October 10, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Well, PsychWench, my question to you is – Where are all these desperate women, baby?

(apologies to Garret Morris)

PsycWench October 10, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Wal Mart.

Isyaignert October 10, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I got your WalMart babes right here – http://www.peopleofwalmart.com

ffredpalakon October 10, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Outside of Tennessee, this guy is Orc #3.

Inside Tennessee, this guy is Daniel Day Lewis.

Pat_Pending October 10, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Low self-esteem. It's the tragedy of our nation.

GeorgiaBurning October 10, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Drugs or alcohol can lead to big mistakes

LibertyLover October 11, 2012 at 12:19 am

The can lead to "little ones" too.

OzoneTom October 10, 2012 at 11:54 am

If he had just legitimately raped them then he wouldn't have had the problem in the first place.

John Birf Society October 10, 2012 at 11:56 am

Duh, Jabba the slut didn't cause the abortion, it was Samuel L. Jackson.

LibertyLover October 10, 2012 at 11:56 am

Considering this all happened in 2000, Inquiring minds want to know if there is another mini-DesJarlais running around or if we need to sic Randall Terry on Congressman DesJarlais's ass.

Grief_Lessons October 10, 2012 at 11:56 am

The nerve of my opponent! I have never in my life been so maliciously and accurately insulted.

eggsacklywright October 10, 2012 at 11:57 am

He looks a little like Hank in Breaking Bad.

calliecallie October 10, 2012 at 12:04 pm

DEAN NORRIS LIBEL!

BadKitty904 October 10, 2012 at 12:14 pm

He looks a little like Tor Johnson in "Plan Nine from Outer Space"…

Sacanagem October 10, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Difference is that I'd fuck Hank.

elviouslyqueer October 10, 2012 at 11:57 am

For the record, I would rather not envision any type of sexytime with this Uncle Fester wannabe.

BadKitty904 October 10, 2012 at 12:13 pm

I have no prob with daddies, but…ew. Just…ew.

SheriffRoscoe October 10, 2012 at 12:25 pm

You beat me, Elvis. Hey, we thought the same thing, though!

mrpuma2u October 10, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Yes, not much fap factor there at all…

Veritas78 October 10, 2012 at 6:05 pm

This is the kind of straight guy who assumes all gay men are lusting after him.

ManchuCandidate October 10, 2012 at 11:58 am

Bagger don't preach, I'm in trouble deep
Bagger don't preach, I've been losing sleep
But I made up my mind, I'm keeping my baby, oh
I'm gonna keep my baby, mmm…

He says that he wants me to abort it
He says he's got a family
So I got the tape all right
It's on TV

But this pro lifer keeps telling me to give it up
Saying I'm a slut, he didn't want to knock me up
What I need right now is some good vengance, please

Goonemeritus October 10, 2012 at 11:58 am

As long as the baby wasn't black it's not genocide.

ifthethunderdontgetya October 10, 2012 at 11:59 am

At least Uncle Fester had a great sense of humor.
~

Tequila Mockingbird October 10, 2012 at 11:59 am

WHY DO THE ANTI-CHOICE NUTTERS ALWAYS LOOK LIKE PENISES?

freakishlywrong October 10, 2012 at 12:05 pm

BECAUSE THEY ARE PENISES, BLANCHE, THEY ARE!

HogeyeGrex October 10, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Look? Hell. I'm still trying to figure out why they all act like penises.

BadKitty904 October 10, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Mother Nature has a sense o' humor?

tihond October 10, 2012 at 4:24 pm

THANK YOU! I was thinking I couldn't be the only person that thought he looked like a penis.

Trinket October 11, 2012 at 1:04 am

I am pleased to note he does not look like an intact penis.

iamrrm October 10, 2012 at 12:00 pm

How the fuck did Uncle Fester get through med school?

FNMA October 10, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Life begins at toe-sucking. Everybody knows that.

Boojum October 10, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Dick "Dick" Morris libel!!!

LibertyLover October 10, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Go in for a foot exam, leave with a pelvic exam… I think I would sue the doc for malpractice.

Boojum October 10, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Hey, it was a twofer!

Ruhe October 10, 2012 at 12:05 pm

I think you mean Toe-fer, which is a procedure most patients don't even realize their getting.

eggsacklywright October 10, 2012 at 12:11 pm

That would be Toefer Gratis, as opposed to Toefer Grace.

Tommmcatt_Again October 10, 2012 at 12:05 pm

I get them confused all the time.

Radiotherapy October 10, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Worst Ben Folds Five song evah!

smitallica October 10, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Heeee's a self-righteous, hypocritical prick and I'm drowning slowly…

freakishlywrong October 10, 2012 at 12:00 pm

That's "D&C" Wonkett. Teatards and their equally worthless impregnatees get D&Cs" NOT abortions. Those are for brown poors.

hagajim October 10, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Penis and Vagina and a baby makes three – who'da thunk it.

emmelemm October 10, 2012 at 1:17 pm

How babby formed?

Baconzgood October 10, 2012 at 12:01 pm

It's a planters wart Rebecca.

Tommmcatt_Again October 10, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Desperate personal attacks do not solve our nation’s problems, yet it appears my opponents are choosing to once again engage in the same gutter politics that CBS news called the dirtiest in the nation just 2 years ago.

I will never understand how the right-wing, nominally the party of family values and strict morality in this country (according to them), always fails to see how it is a question of basic values when they do things like cheat on their wives or do meth with male prostitutes. If you can't uphold the promise implied by your party- namely, that your morals are superior and your conduct is sterling- or the vows you make to the most important person in your life, how are we supposed to trust you not to abuse public office? In this case, the moron broke the hippocratic oath.

At least the liberal man-whores (I'm looking at you, Spitzer and Edwards) have the decency to realize that their conduct disqualifies them from political life. These turds seem to always go on the attack first thing, like it's their right to fuck around and how dare we even mention it.

Oh, and Mr DesJarlais? Nice head, you greasy fuckstick.

HogeyeGrex October 10, 2012 at 12:11 pm

See, It's all OK 'cause Jesus forgave him.

As we all know, Jesus only forgives Republicans.

delaney_blom October 10, 2012 at 12:01 pm

From the HuffPo story:
The filing included allegations that he held a gun in his own mouth for hours in one instance and that he "dry fired" a gun outside his wife's bedroom in another.
If only he had "dry fired" with his mistress . . .

Lascauxcaveman October 10, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Oh lovely; the gun in mouth thing. I guess it's just as well this guy commits suicide – with votes, of course. Which is sort of what's going on right now.

edgydrifter October 10, 2012 at 12:01 pm

For conservatives, "personal responsibility" means somebody else is personally responsible for all the stupid shit they do.

freakishlywrong October 10, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Over/Under this asshole is re-elected by his asshole constituency by a landslide?

ChrisM2011 October 10, 2012 at 12:02 pm

"Don't Tread on My Abortion"

kyeshinka October 10, 2012 at 12:02 pm

When did Chris Elliot become a Republican?

Ruhe October 10, 2012 at 12:02 pm

I remember when Grampa Munster was running for congress but I hadn't heard about Uncle Fester putting on a Republican Uniform and going to the dark side.

Beowoof October 10, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Al Lewis a guy with a PhD in Psychology. I remember signing his petition to get on the ballot in New York for governor. Also, a very funny guy.

DemmeFatale October 10, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I saw him on the street when I was in town for the New York Democratic Convention.
He laughed and smiled when he caught a glimpse of my credential, but kept walking.

TribecaMike October 10, 2012 at 3:44 pm

I proudly cast my vote for Al Lewis that year!

Doktor Zoom October 10, 2012 at 12:03 pm

He's a Prick and he's drowning slowly
Lost the votes and he's going nowhere

ChrisM2011 October 10, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Someone give this man an aspirin to hold between his legs.

Terry October 10, 2012 at 12:45 pm

A few women might suggest putting a hedge trimmer there instead.

chascates October 10, 2012 at 12:03 pm

I hope he was gentlemanly enough to offer to pay her cab fare to the abortiplex.

emmelemm October 10, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Given we're talking Tennessee, he might have had to give her Greyhound bus fare to another state.

mavenmaven October 10, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Its important to note that in many states, having sex with a patient is grounds for losing one's medical license.

HogeyeGrex October 10, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Seriously. The abortion, and the hypocrisy, and the taping are all very much lesser issues than a doctor making sexytime with patients. That's a huge no-no.

PsycWench October 10, 2012 at 12:32 pm

I agree.

delaney_blom October 10, 2012 at 12:46 pm

License? To practice medicine? What kind of nanny state are they running down in Tennessee?

Troglodeity October 10, 2012 at 3:43 pm

I think in Tennessee it's required for a medical license. It's the abortion part that's a no-no.

Veritas78 October 10, 2012 at 6:11 pm

More red-tape regulations. The government shouldn't interfere with the doctor-patient relationship!

Dashboard Buddha October 10, 2012 at 7:08 pm

I bet it won't happen though. Teabaggers seem to be the new third rail of American politics. Can't upset 'em, nope nope.

actor212 October 10, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Oh dear, Cocktober seems to be stirring again.

Hey, DesJarlais…tell me again why my daughter can't have an abortion? Something something birth control, right?

Hera Sent Me October 10, 2012 at 12:05 pm

I remember when Republicans were against abortion except in cases of rape or incest, or whatever personal reasons they had to procure one.

Now it seems they're down to just that last exception.

DemmeFatale October 10, 2012 at 2:43 pm

She could make a case for rape, here.

BaldarTFlagass October 10, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Hoist by his own peen-nard.

Radiotherapy October 10, 2012 at 12:05 pm

It looks like he could use some of that Sarah Palin "fitness" regimen.

LibertyLover October 10, 2012 at 12:06 pm

OT– Alex Karras has passed away…

"Mongo only pawn in game of life."

SorosBot October 10, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Poor Webster's dad!

Generation[redacted] October 10, 2012 at 1:40 pm

He's where the choo-choo go, now.

tessiee October 10, 2012 at 3:38 pm

I bet it was because somebody squished him with a piano.
Or he answered that damn candygram:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8ciVBQixpU

"Mongo like candy"

ttommyunger October 10, 2012 at 5:06 pm

"Huh, huh, awwww…….Mongo straight!"

SayItWithWookies October 10, 2012 at 12:06 pm

“Well, I didn’t want to be in your life either, but you lied to me about something that caused us to be in this situation, and that’s not my fault, that’s yours,” the doctor responds.

So I'm assuming that the mistress lied to the guy about how pregnancy happens? Too bad they didn't teach that subject in medical school.

Lascauxcaveman October 10, 2012 at 12:51 pm

It's Tennessee. What'd ya gonna do?

Gleem McShineys October 10, 2012 at 3:09 pm

If only someone had answered his online question in a timely manner, the one about "How is babby formed?"

Therefore, it is everyone else's fault because of that lack of information.
SHAME ON YOU ALL

Doktor Zoom October 10, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Sure, most of you have seen this, but it bears repeating: "The Only Moral Abortion is My Abortion" (stories of anti-choice protestors who decide they need an abortion for a good reason, unlike all those sluts.) Do not click if the stench of hypocrisy sickens you.

LibertyLover October 10, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Behind every choice there is a story…

calliecallie October 10, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Who's running against him? Maybe we should send that guy some money. I know it's Tennessee, but they've got to be able to do better than this.

ChillBill October 10, 2012 at 12:07 pm

"The marriage appeared to fall apart for good at about the time DesJarlais made his recorded phone call, and he eventually admitted in court papers to at least four affairs. Court records indicate that at one point in the marriage, they had a “written agreement to date other people.”

Has he applied for a credit line at Tiffanys yet?

BaldarTFlagass October 10, 2012 at 12:08 pm

If he's a doctor, why didn't he just do the abortion himself? Or is Abortion 101 an elective in med school?

Doktor Zoom October 10, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Thanks to anti-choice pricks like this, it's often NOT covered in OB-Gyn training at all.

(Sucks when snark turns out to be so depressingly accurate)

delaney_blom October 10, 2012 at 12:42 pm

It's the kind of procedure that you can learn at a one-day seminar at the Red Roof Inn by the airport.

tessiee October 10, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Is it run by the same guy with the much too carefully folded pocket handkerchief and lots of hair gel who runs all the one-day seminars at the Red Roof Inn?

delaney_blom October 10, 2012 at 4:09 pm

It is.

What if I told you that you could provide financial stability for you, your children, and your children's children in two easy steps? I'm talking about a proven two-step program that you can master over the course of a six hours. Is six hours of your time too much to ask for your grandkids to be filthy rich? I didn't think so. Join me at the Red Roof Inn by the airport, this Saturday . . .

Serolf_Divad October 10, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Er… correction Rebbecah… it wasn't rape. She got pregnant, remember? It couldn't have been rape because a woman's body has ways of stopping her from getting pregnant if she was raped. Oh, wait… you mean he was raped. My bad. You're probably right. Medical science has pretty conclusively proven that a man will only disavow his offspring if it was the product of succubosis, AKA, female rape of the male.

Poor guy, he's pretty clearly the victim in all this.

johnnyzhivago October 10, 2012 at 12:11 pm

"what's good for the goose is good for the gander" is a for LIBERAL GANDERS!

freakishlywrong October 10, 2012 at 12:34 pm

"Sauce for the Goose. Hahahahaah". *Smile never reaches eyes.

Blueb4sinrise October 10, 2012 at 12:11 pm

" I didn’t want to be in your life either."

Time for a new grav. description.

BadKitty904 October 10, 2012 at 12:11 pm

That's five different women with serious self-esteem issues… Or vision problems…

weejee October 10, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Taking the Orange Blossom Special back in time to the last Lou Sarah post. Doesn't she kinda look like Vassar Clement's zombie in drag?

BadKitty904 October 10, 2012 at 12:23 pm

I'd say she's one step away from staggering about, moaning "Braaaaaaaaaaaains…"

Goonemeritus October 10, 2012 at 12:14 pm

See Republicans are prochoice as long as a man is doing the choosing.

Shypixel October 10, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Correction: …as long as a *white* man is doing the choosing.

sullivanst October 10, 2012 at 12:28 pm

white *Republican* man

Shypixel October 10, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Isn't that redundant? Could we not just say Republican man, and his whiteness would be implied?

sullivanst October 10, 2012 at 1:04 pm

You could also say simply Republican, and his maleness would be implied.

BadKitty904 October 10, 2012 at 12:28 pm

This guy may be male, but his behavior clearly indicates he's not a "man," at least in the positive sense of the term.

sullivanst October 10, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Don't suppose his opponent's named Harry? Because it sure seems like someone told the truth about him and he thinks it's hell.

docterry6973 October 10, 2012 at 12:17 pm

This guy should face medical ethics sanctions. There is no grey area here. No sex with patients, period. Doesn't matter if they want it; doesn't matter if they dance naked on top of the desk. It's a no-no.

I would love to know how this dim-bulb thought he was helping himself by recording the call.

gurukalehuru October 10, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Well, it worked for Richard Ni…oh, wait, it didn't.

glamourdammerung October 10, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Tennessee has removed medical licenses for that according to a quick search.

Incitefully_Joe October 10, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Seriously, it's not even a particularly arcane ethical rule, either; it's a pretty obvious abuse of position and conflict of interest in providing care.

Even the original (and honestly somewhat archaic) oath included that bit, and you know what they say about those ancient Greeks, so if they thought sexy house calls were an ethical no-no…

carlgt1 October 10, 2012 at 12:19 pm

I am anxiously waiting for the Randall Terry advertisement against this guy!

mrblifil October 10, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Okay DesJarlais' nameless Dem opponent, your turn to transform a golden opportunity into a pile of shit.

SheriffRoscoe October 10, 2012 at 12:43 pm

DesJarlais voters don't give a damn about his actions and deeds. All they care about is that letter "R" after his name on the ballot. This concludes today's lesson on parables: "Knowing a tree by it's fruit."

Chow Yun Flat October 10, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Desperate personal attacks do not solve our nation’s problems,

Actually they do if they remove a toad like Scott DesJarlais from political life.

SheriffRoscoe October 10, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Even good ol' Uncle Fester gets laid, because of charm, we guess?

Ed: I gotta start hitting the Wonkette earlier in the day. All the good comments are taken by the time I roll out of bed at the crack of 9am.

Kid_Charlemagne October 10, 2012 at 12:22 pm

What's the big deal? He just wanted to practice his love with women all across this country.

ahnc October 10, 2012 at 12:24 pm

His head, it looks so…so sperm like.

LibertyLover October 10, 2012 at 12:28 pm

A Planned Parenthood handbook on abortion notes that nearly half of all abortions are for women who describe themselves as born-again Christian, Evangelical Christian, or Catholic.

fuflans October 10, 2012 at 1:08 pm

yeah because apparently they also don't believe in contraception.

Isyaignert October 10, 2012 at 4:02 pm

The religious nutz don't believe in contraception because they want everyone to make more religious nutz who will give them lots of money.

I told my husband that's the reason Joseph Smith was into polygamy – to make more Mormons and the real reason the Catholics are against birth control. It's all about power and money and control over people – nothing new to see here.

An_Outhouse October 10, 2012 at 12:28 pm

After seeing a picture of DesJarlais, I think she made the right decision.

Gleem McShineys October 10, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Offset by the first poor decision: allow his penis boarding privileges.

MistaEko October 10, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Argh.

This is a lesson in momentum. A steamrolling debate placing Romney as an afterthought means shit like this starts fucking with down-ticket races, puts Missouri out of play, and keeps starts cutting into North Carolina and Arizona.

Instead we're left snarking largely by ourselves, his race gets a bit more competitive, and several of his ilk keep on keepin on.

CommieLibunatic October 10, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Today on Wonkette: Tales of Human Waste.

PuckStopsHere October 10, 2012 at 12:34 pm

What does Pat Robertson have to say about Joe Walsh's bff here? Still endorsing him, I'll bet. After all, in Robertson's world view, he only murdered a baby.

Isyaignert October 10, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Well if the dude's wife had Altzheimer's Funny Uncle Pat Robertson says God's cool with fukking around on your spouse, because they'll never know about it.

OTOH, he is for legalizing cannabis, so he does have moments of lucid thought.

iburl October 10, 2012 at 12:35 pm

This guy may be a hypocritical tea bagging serial cheater, but can any of YOU turn on a lightbulb by putting in your mouth? Didn't think so.

BadKitty904 October 10, 2012 at 12:38 pm

A lightbulb – no. My bf – yes.

An_Outhouse October 10, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Really, who would fuck that maggot?

Terry October 10, 2012 at 12:43 pm

During the divorce proceedings , his wife, Susan des Jarlais, accused him of "violent and threatening behavior".
http://www.nashvillescene.com/pitw/archives/2010/

TribecaMike October 10, 2012 at 12:49 pm

So there really are teabagger eggheads. What ever shall they hatch next?

SheriffRoscoe October 10, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Remember that time Bill Clinton did that thing with the cigar, and all the republicans and future teabaggers were all "hey leave the guy's personal life out of it…."? Yeah, me neither.

MinAgain October 10, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the great state of Tennessee. Mainly because I don't really want it, anymore.

Porter Melmoth October 10, 2012 at 1:04 pm

But he looks like such a nice guy, like your friendly neighborhood butcher.

GeorgiaBurning October 10, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Psycho killer inmate in any prison movie

fuflans October 10, 2012 at 1:09 pm

so this guy's been elected AFTER all this shit?

TribecaMike October 10, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Vote early and vote awful?

fuflans October 10, 2012 at 1:10 pm

also: why are so many doctors teabagger libertarian shitheads? i mean seriously, i don't want to give any of these tools my libtard dollars.

Weenus299 October 10, 2012 at 1:32 pm

God help me. Just go do the 'bortion thing with the woman and get it over with. File for divorce. Fuck it. Be alone, be honest with your kids that your marriage was successful in that it brought them into the world, but shit just couldn't get worked out. Go see a movie. Go eat some Chinese food. sit in a bar and strike up a conversation with a sassy brunette who's had her eye on you for a bunch of years. Or not, fuck it. Reruns of Gunsmoke are always available.

But no. You go and run for reelection on some damn morals ticket. People are fucked up.

TribecaMike October 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

From his Wikipedia entry:

DesJarlais divorced his first wife, Susan, in 2001; they had one child.During their divorce proceedings, Susan DesJarlais alleged that her ex-husband engaged in "violent and threatening behavior".

Incitefully_Joe October 10, 2012 at 1:42 pm

I'd point out that as a medical professional, sleeping with patients is a major! ethical breach, but that honestly seems to be the least of this guy's problems.

zumpie October 10, 2012 at 1:45 pm

1) Just total fucking EWW.__

2) No snark – I like how it's pointed out that totes obs, this is the wimmins' fault, cause we're you know, evil. Now what's scary is on a PARENTING BLOG I frequent, there are scary moms who truly view little girls as wanting to do all of this to their precious sons. One mom talked about warning her 8&10 year old boys about the "whores in their classroom". And how these "whores" (or as I prefer, children) will "wrap them around their fingers, chew them up and spit them out". __

Another talked about how "horny" eight and nine year old females are, nowadays. And a teacher discussed "prostitots" in her first grade class. Military dad made the claim that skinny jeans at 6 or 7 equals life of prostitution shortly thereafter.__

tessiee October 10, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Projection much?

LIT_Fag October 10, 2012 at 4:10 pm

You have to admit "prostitots" is pretty good though

viennawoods13 October 10, 2012 at 7:15 pm

We had a gang of girls at our school in the late 90's who called themselves that. Their specialty was sleeping with their target's boyfriend and then boasting about it. and they were all in my drama class together. Good times. Good times.

zumpie October 10, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Also, too

Yet another good mommy claimed her son's middle school features 20 currently pregnant 8th grade girls (must've missed THAT episode on Jerry Springer) and at least 6 different girls had "tried to force her son to go to third base with them". So pre-teen girls apparently "force" boys to let them blow them or jack them off? Perhaps she was just a big Penthouse Forum fan.__

In otherwards the bagger indoctrination starts young and is sadly perpetuated by ladies, against ladies

LibrarianX October 10, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Probably opposes same-sex marriage. Sanctity and all.

LibrarianX October 10, 2012 at 1:53 pm

DesJarlais: thinks phrase "personal responsibility" means something different.

GeorgiaBurning October 10, 2012 at 2:13 pm

He even looks like a dick. Remember George Carlin's bit on white guys who shave their heads?

thefrontpage October 10, 2012 at 2:32 pm

The stupidity! It hurts!

Stupid politicians only pawn in game of life!

TribecaMike October 10, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Requiescat in pace Alex Karras.

CapnFatback October 10, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Court records indicate that at one point in the marriage, they had a “written agreement to date other people.”

His officiousness was more responsible than the affairs for killing the marriage. You should have seen the paper work his ex had to fill out to get him to go down on her!

Yellerdawg October 10, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Maybe next time he will cruise his patients' intake records to see who is really on birth control. That's totally down with HIPAA, right?

tessiee October 10, 2012 at 3:33 pm

"He talks repeatedly of getting the problem “solved” or “fixed” "

This reminds me of an interview with Jeffrey Dahmer, when he said he had invited one of his bar pickups to come home with him, and then "he became deceased".

emmelemm October 10, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Passive voice is your friend!

Isyaignert October 10, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Five women have actually fukked that creepy guy? There ain't enough booze in the world….

DahBoner October 10, 2012 at 6:48 pm

You don't need cloroform when you make 6 figures and drive a sports car, live in a McMansion, etc doctor lifestyle…

tessiee October 10, 2012 at 3:47 pm

He's clearly the end result of Bill HIcks' standup bit about Rush Limbaugh, all growed up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0w-o-Z0P14

warning: NOT for the faint of heart or easily grossed out

Barrelhse October 10, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Anyone who would fuck that peckerhead gets no sympathy from me!

ttommyunger October 10, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I'm sorry, I just have to agree; in fact, this would have been my exact comment.

PrincessLou October 10, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Family Values.

Troglodeity October 10, 2012 at 4:04 pm

"Desperate personal attacks," responds DesJarlais: whose campaign "already has criticized Stewart for failing to pay all of his federal personal and business taxes, resulting in liens of nearly $25,000 being placed in 2002 and 2011." http://www.tennessean.com/article/20121007/NEWS02

crusaderaxe October 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Ok, nothing to see here. Right wing nut bag from Tennesse beats wife, knocks up girl friend, tells her to get abortion because he's right to life to death of his unborn child, generously offers to go to Atlanta or someplace to hold her hand if "he can find the time" and now is running for a second term as a TeaParty Republican and demands resurrection, errr, errection, ah, RE-ELECTION based on his Superior MORAL CODE TO ANY AND ALL DEMOCRATS…I gotta say to the women I know and care about, if you vote for any of these guys or their really Stockholmed Syndrome Female counterparts, you deserve them. Enjoy your Burka, care of the Christian Taliban…

ttommyunger October 10, 2012 at 5:11 pm

These women, those voters-deserve this unprincipled cock-sucker.

Trinket October 11, 2012 at 1:01 am

Edited to say that I am offended on behalf of cocksuckers everywhere.

ttommyunger October 11, 2012 at 5:03 am

You're right, I wasn't thinking.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

Gleem McShineys October 10, 2012 at 5:21 pm

See, BOTH SIDES DO IT!

glamourdammerung October 10, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Personal responsibility!

DahBoner October 10, 2012 at 6:44 pm

"Well, it's [your] fault for sleeping with your patients, the woman fired back"

Said the woman who slept with her doctor…

Trinket October 11, 2012 at 1:40 am

Ehhh, the patient takes no oath to do no harm. And is not bound by professional ethics. She was dumb, perhaps, but he was willfully unethical–not to mention A GIANT ASSHOLE.

Dashboard Buddha October 10, 2012 at 7:06 pm

You know, the actor who played Uncle Fester had to work with a make-up artist to look as creepy as he did. It seems to come naturally to this dude.

Trinket October 11, 2012 at 1:02 am

That alt-text would be a total WIN if it weren't so alarming.

Negropolis October 11, 2012 at 3:13 am

This needs to be made national news, I'm talking about all of the night television magazines. This is the beating heart of the Republican Party: rank hypocrisy.

usuhname October 11, 2012 at 5:22 am

My gutter-dwelling opponent just won't stop spreading these vicious truths about me!!
I thought sleazy well-connected wealthy white guys were always supposed to come out on top? NO FAIR America!!

sayprettyplease October 11, 2012 at 1:30 pm

How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette?
—George Carlin

Isyaignert October 10, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Do they wax heads at the salon like they do legs?

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