they call it a royale with cheese

Totally Sane New Randall Terry Ad Says Samuel L. Jackson Is Genociding Black Babies


So, this Randall Terry ad, airing in Florida, is sort of like those commercials for DishTV or whatever that draw a line from not having cable to being in prison forever for raping and murdering your son-in-law? Those are supposed to be funny (though they exclusively fail). This one, we think, is DEADLY SERIOUS. In this DEADLY SERIOUS campaign ad, Randall Terry is running against Samuel L. Jackson, because Jackson supports President B. Barry Bamz? But Jackson also supports Planned Parenthood? (Pro-tip to Terry: Obama supports Planned Parenthood too! Why not just cut out the middle man?) And Planned Parenthood was founded by Margaret Sanger, who in the 1920s and ’30s was a eugenicist, and fairly racist! (Though maybe not any more racist than everyone else in the ’20s and ’30s? And actually worked a lot with black ministers and stuff? Here, have some Wik!) Therefore, Samuel L. Jackson supports genociding black babies! STOP MURDERING BLACK BABIES SAMUEL L. JACKSON!!!!

Let’s remember, together, what the path of the righteous man entails, so that maybe you can stop murdering black babies:

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee.

Oh shit! Samuel L. Jackson cold murdering errrrbody!

It’s official: Planned Parenthood is the gateway drug to HOMICIDE! Next thing you know, you’re shooting Marvin in the face.

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[Joe.My.God.]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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122 comments

  1. Come here a minute

    I have had enough of this motherfucking Randall Terry and his motherfucking television ads.

  2. Terry

    Shouldn't Randall Terry be in jail already? One of the many crimes he's provoked against clinics and doctors should have gotten him at least a few charges.

  3. BaldarTFlagass

    Randall Terry better watch it or Samuel L will send Iron Man and his buddies to come over to his church and flat out fuck him up.

    1. GregComlish

      One minute after the post is up and I'm already consigned to being the third Snakes on a Plane reference.

  4. gullywompr

    Yeah, but Obamacare's free birth control kinda makes the whole abortion wedge issue go away, don't it?

    Vote Obama – eliminate abortion.

    1. weejee

      But gully, that would be like doing preventive maintenance on the crumbling infrastructure. By doing 'worst first' you allow the crumblies to keep on crumbling. Or saving some pennies by not checking / changing the oil in your car, truck, or scooter.

      1. gullywompr

        Even Paul Ryan has the time to do the math on this one:

        Universally available birth control = no unwanted pregnancies = no abortions = the end of the wedge issue.

        At least they still have gays and browns…

          1. gullywompr

            You, sir, have mastered my class.

            In all their time since Roe v. Wade, the GOP has done precisely zilch to reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies or abortions. Zilch. There is only one conclusion to draw from decades of this inaction.

          2. gullywompr

            I would have said that power is more important to them than ideology, but you have the basic idea.

  5. FakaktaSouth

    "Hey, fetus might taste like pumpkin pie, but I'll never know, cause I wouldn't eat the filthy mother fucker." Or something like that.

  6. memzilla

    It's like Randall Terry took off his hood and sheet, hung it on the nearest uppity n****r, and pointed and shouted "RAZIST!!!1!!!"

    Nathan Bedford Forrest FAIL.

    (I'm sorry, Mr. Terry, that'a a plot point from O Brother Where Art Thou, not a political campaign.)

  7. BaldarTFlagass

    UncleTomJackson.com? What does a former Denver Bronco and current ESPN NFL analyst have to do with any of this?

  8. SayItWithWookies

    I like how there's apparently no qualtitative difference between a eugenicist who wants to improve the population by popularizing birth control and someone who wants to load Jews into boxcars and ship them off to a big shower in Poland — notwithstanding that Margaret Sanger's goals have been null and void for decades.

    Also, "iniquities." Only a damn sissy is beset by inequities — and in that case he should call the consumer protection hotline.

    1. gullywompr

      He's black, so whatever he says is the same thing as Obama saying it. Geez, do I have to explain everything to ya?

  9. Beowoof

    Damn wouldn't that be an awesome movie scene, with Samuel L. laying his vengeance on Randall Terry for being a giant douche. Maybe even bring in Ving Rhames to get medieval on his ass. Of course that would be with votes.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      I was thinking the exact thing. And protip to Randall Terry: you do NOT want to mess with Samuel L. Jackson. Samuel L. Jackson will FUCK YOUR SHIT RIGHT ON UP.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Well, I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' motherfucker, motherfucker! Every time my fingers touch brain, I'm Superfly T.N.T., I'm the Guns of the Navarone! IN FACT, WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOIN' IN THE BACK? YOU'RE THE MOTHERFUCKER WHO SHOULD BE ON BRAIN DETAIL! We're fuckin' switchin'! I'm washin' the windows, and you're pickin' up this nigger's skull!

  10. GemlikeFlame

    Randall Terry is such a consummate horse's ass that even the most frothing anti-abortionists want nothing to do with him, even less so after this prime specimen of the vast love Jesus had for mankind disowned his own child for the mortal sin of being gay.

  11. actor212

    I can't wait for Terry Randall to end up in a maximum security prison and be crammed into a take-away salad container like the fetus he carries around.

    With votes, I mean.

    1. PsycWench

      Maybe they are just literally running, until one shoves the other into a ditch (with votes). My money's on Jackson.

  12. actor212

    those commercials for DishTV or whatever that draw a line from not having cable to being in prison forever for raping and murdering your son-in-law?

    You mean like "Don't wake up in a ditch?"

    DirecTV, a branch of the Murdoch propaganda "entertainment" conglomerate.

    1. b[redact]opple

      Yeah. I'm glad Trixie called them out. Those ads are just terrible, but for some reason they keep making new ones.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      "Allow me to retort."

      ALso, "say what again," "Naw baby, it's all kool and the gang," and "I used the same fuckin' soap you did and when I got finished, the towel didn't look like no goddamn Maxi-Pad!"

      "Normally, both your asses would be dead as fucking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this shit while I'm in a transitional period so I don't wanna kill you, I wanna help you. But I can't give you this case, it don't belong to me. Besides, I've already been through too much shit this morning over this case to hand it over to your dumb ass."

      Ahem. Sorry, that is absolutely one of my most favorite characters in one of my most favorite movies ever. Okay. As you were.

  13. noodlesalad

    Everybody be cool, this is an election robbery! Any of you fucking pigs MOVE towards the voting booth, and we'll execute every single last one of you. Sincerely, GOP and Honey Bunny Terry.

  14. GregComlish

    Hey, maybe if you're going to try to label somebody a racist you shouldn't start with the meanest, baddest, blackest person on the planet.

    1. BadKitty904

      I'm hoping for a YouTube vid of Mr. Jules striking down upon him with great vengeance and furious anger…of votes…

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        I think he was in the game before steroids saw much use. Obit says he had dementia from all the head-banging. Plus kidney failure.

          1. BaldarTFlagass

            I visited my 96 year old granddad a couple months ago. His mind is totally there but the senses are failing him. He isn't really living, he's just existing. I don't think I want to live that long.

  15. carlgt1

    I love the percentage bar that mixes two separate things and just "adds" them up! RepugliKKKan fuzzy math in full effect! Also wasn't Terry the "Christian" who was basically the bin Laden of abortion clinics – telling his psycho followers/bombers/etc "just let a wave of hatred wash over you — for Jeebus!"

    Also slamming Planned Parenthood for ancient Margaret Sanger myths is like when they try and say the Dems are "KKK" because they were 100 years ago. It's like modern history of the past 50 years passes them by!

  16. pdiddycornchips

    Margaret Sanger was a racist cunt and Randall Terry is both a cunt and a racist. Randall Terry and the late Margaret Sanger share much in common. Margaret Sanger founded Planned Parenthood, therefore, Randall Terry supports Planned Parenthood!

  17. eggsacklywright

    Say "what" again. Say "what" again. I dare you. I double-dare you, motherfucker. Say "what" one more goddamn time.

  18. Allmighty_Manos

    Too late, all the Pulp Fiction lines have been used up. How about "Yes fetuses deserve to die and I hope they burn in hell!"

  19. ttommyunger

    I handled the aborted and dismembered fetus' pretty well, but that last image: my God, that is one hideous creature!

  20. billy_reuben

    Aborting 1920's and 1930's babies? I knew it, I KNEW it! Samuel L. Jackson is a TIME TRAVELER!!!11!!

  21. Tommmcatt_Again

    Incidentally, I would love to be a fly on the wall when somebody tells the awesome and majectic Samuel L. Jackson that some psuedo-religious peon called him an "Uncle Tom".

  22. mavenmaven

    When a person shows dead black fetuses with that much glee, you know deep down he must get a kick out of it.

  23. mrblifil

    Samuel Jackson and Randall Terry actually have a lot in common if you are talking about the years when Samuel Jackson was a poorly functioning crack addict.

  24. fawkedifiknow

    If you tried to catalog every leap of logic that Republicans engage in every day of year, and only list them once – repeating idiocies not included – you could lay them end to end and go around the world twice.

    True fact .

  25. fatbob54

    Calling Samuel L. Jackson an Uncle Tom is like calling Terry Randal (or Randy Terrel or whatever the fuck his name is) a man of god.

  26. TribecaMike

    I don't know about Randall Terry, but just hearing Samuel L. Jackson say "fuck" makes me wanna make babies.

    Signed, a father of one hundred and sixty children

Comments are closed.