THEY CALL IT A ROYALE WITH CHEESE  11:05 am October 10, 2012

Totally Sane New Randall Terry Ad Says Samuel L. Jackson Is Genociding Black Babies

by Rebecca Schoenkopf


So, this Randall Terry ad, airing in Florida, is sort of like those commercials for DishTV or whatever that draw a line from not having cable to being in prison forever for raping and murdering your son-in-law? Those are supposed to be funny (though they exclusively fail). This one, we think, is DEADLY SERIOUS. In this DEADLY SERIOUS campaign ad, Randall Terry is running against Samuel L. Jackson, because Jackson supports President B. Barry Bamz? But Jackson also supports Planned Parenthood? (Pro-tip to Terry: Obama supports Planned Parenthood too! Why not just cut out the middle man?) And Planned Parenthood was founded by Margaret Sanger, who in the 1920s and ’30s was a eugenicist, and fairly racist! (Though maybe not any more racist than everyone else in the ’20s and ’30s? And actually worked a lot with black ministers and stuff? Here, have some Wik!) Therefore, Samuel L. Jackson supports genociding black babies! STOP MURDERING BLACK BABIES SAMUEL L. JACKSON!!!!

Let’s remember, together, what the path of the righteous man entails, so that maybe you can stop murdering black babies:

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee.

Oh shit! Samuel L. Jackson cold murdering errrrbody!

It’s official: Planned Parenthood is the gateway drug to HOMICIDE! Next thing you know, you’re shooting Marvin in the face.

[Joe.My.God.]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 122 comments }

Barbara_ October 10, 2012 at 11:09 am

I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on the motherfucking ballot!

JustPixelz October 10, 2012 at 11:42 am

Mother fucking is where redneck babies come from.

BadKitty904 October 10, 2012 at 11:44 am

Somebody had to say it.

RufusTFirefly October 10, 2012 at 11:52 am

FTW!!!

nounverb911 October 10, 2012 at 11:09 am

Randall Terry's mom could use some retroactive birth control.

gullywompr October 10, 2012 at 11:42 am

Is she the one with all the shit in her face?

Mittaplasia October 10, 2012 at 11:54 am

He was born with a coat hanger sticking out of his nose, so you can't say she didn't try.

Come here a minute October 10, 2012 at 11:09 am

I have had enough of this motherfucking Randall Terry and his motherfucking television ads.

mrpuma2u October 10, 2012 at 11:10 am

Check out the big racism on Randall!

BadKitty904 October 10, 2012 at 11:45 am

Go, Speed Racist, go!

Terry October 10, 2012 at 11:11 am

Shouldn't Randall Terry be in jail already? One of the many crimes he's provoked against clinics and doctors should have gotten him at least a few charges.

BaldarTFlagass October 10, 2012 at 11:13 am

Randall Terry better watch it or Samuel L will send Iron Man and his buddies to come over to his church and flat out fuck him up.

eggsacklywright October 10, 2012 at 11:14 am

Put the gun down, Hunny Bunny.

GregComlish October 10, 2012 at 11:14 am

"I'm sick of these mutherfucking blahs on these mutherfucking campaigns!"

GregComlish October 10, 2012 at 11:17 am

One minute after the post is up and I'm already consigned to being the third Snakes on a Plane reference.

eggsacklywright October 10, 2012 at 11:23 am

Frustratin' innit?

Mumbletypeg October 10, 2012 at 11:23 am

+1 for Effort

BaldarTFlagass October 10, 2012 at 11:26 am

In your defense, no one would have recognized a quote from Deep Blue Sea.

gullywompr October 10, 2012 at 11:14 am

Yeah, but Obamacare's free birth control kinda makes the whole abortion wedge issue go away, don't it?

Vote Obama – eliminate abortion.

weejee October 10, 2012 at 11:30 am

But gully, that would be like doing preventive maintenance on the crumbling infrastructure. By doing 'worst first' you allow the crumblies to keep on crumbling. Or saving some pennies by not checking / changing the oil in your car, truck, or scooter.

gullywompr October 10, 2012 at 11:35 am

Even Paul Ryan has the time to do the math on this one:

Universally available birth control = no unwanted pregnancies = no abortions = the end of the wedge issue.

At least they still have gays and browns…

Mittaplasia October 10, 2012 at 11:42 am

…and olds and blahs and poors, oh, my!

BaldarTFlagass October 10, 2012 at 11:54 am

"= the end of the wedge issue."

Which is the last thing they want.

gullywompr October 10, 2012 at 12:03 pm

You, sir, have mastered my class.

In all their time since Roe v. Wade, the GOP has done precisely zilch to reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies or abortions. Zilch. There is only one conclusion to draw from decades of this inaction.

FakaktaSouth October 10, 2012 at 11:14 am

"Hey, fetus might taste like pumpkin pie, but I'll never know, cause I wouldn't eat the filthy mother fucker." Or something like that.

Freewayblogger October 10, 2012 at 11:14 am

What have future generations ever done for us?
http://freewayblogger.blogspot.com/2012/10/san-fr

when things get bad enough, others will join me…

memzilla October 10, 2012 at 11:15 am

It's like Randall Terry took off his hood and sheet, hung it on the nearest uppity n****r, and pointed and shouted "RAZIST!!!1!!!"

Nathan Bedford Forrest FAIL.

(I'm sorry, Mr. Terry, that'a a plot point from O Brother Where Art Thou, not a political campaign.)

hagajim October 10, 2012 at 11:15 am

Of course Sam is stone cold killing everyone – Pulp Fiction and all yo!

BaldarTFlagass October 10, 2012 at 11:15 am

UncleTomJackson.com? What does a former Denver Bronco and current ESPN NFL analyst have to do with any of this?

cheetojeebus October 10, 2012 at 11:15 am

Yeah, like i'm going to click on that? nice try.

SayItWithWookies October 10, 2012 at 11:15 am

I like how there's apparently no qualtitative difference between a eugenicist who wants to improve the population by popularizing birth control and someone who wants to load Jews into boxcars and ship them off to a big shower in Poland — notwithstanding that Margaret Sanger's goals have been null and void for decades.

Also, "iniquities." Only a damn sissy is beset by inequities — and in that case he should call the consumer protection hotline.

Goonemeritus October 10, 2012 at 11:16 am

Randall Terry doesn’t seem to be elevating the quality of this debate.

HouseOfTheBlueLights October 10, 2012 at 11:16 am

Um, is Samuel L. Jackson running for office? I am confused.

gullywompr October 10, 2012 at 11:44 am

He's black, so whatever he says is the same thing as Obama saying it. Geez, do I have to explain everything to ya?

BaldarTFlagass October 10, 2012 at 11:51 am

Good thing for Obama that Malcolm X isn't around anymore…

gullywompr October 10, 2012 at 11:56 am

That's OK, Rev. Wright is filling in.

HistoriCat October 11, 2012 at 11:33 am

Or as Obama likes to call him, "dad".

kittensdontlie October 10, 2012 at 11:51 am

He had better run, soon those zombie black fetuses will be aching to eat his brains..

Beowoof October 10, 2012 at 11:16 am

Damn wouldn't that be an awesome movie scene, with Samuel L. laying his vengeance on Randall Terry for being a giant douche. Maybe even bring in Ving Rhames to get medieval on his ass. Of course that would be with votes.

elviouslyqueer October 10, 2012 at 11:24 am

I was thinking the exact thing. And protip to Randall Terry: you do NOT want to mess with Samuel L. Jackson. Samuel L. Jackson will FUCK YOUR SHIT RIGHT ON UP.

actor212 October 10, 2012 at 11:30 am

Or, as Elmo McElroy would say "You're gonna kiss the sun and taste the motherfuckin' rainbow."

actor212 October 10, 2012 at 11:26 am

Or inviting Randall to sit in the back of Vinnie Vega's 1974 Nova…

BaldarTFlagass October 10, 2012 at 11:44 am

Well, I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' motherfucker, motherfucker! Every time my fingers touch brain, I'm Superfly T.N.T., I'm the Guns of the Navarone! IN FACT, WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOIN' IN THE BACK? YOU'RE THE MOTHERFUCKER WHO SHOULD BE ON BRAIN DETAIL! We're fuckin' switchin'! I'm washin' the windows, and you're pickin' up this nigger's skull!

Incitefully_Joe October 10, 2012 at 11:17 am

It’s official: Planned Parenthood is the gateway drug to HOMICIDE!

But mainly just for the protestors.

Roy Hobbson October 10, 2012 at 11:17 am

"How are you not getting this perfectly logical ad? CONNECT THE DOTS!!!!" -Rick Santelli

GemlikeFlame October 10, 2012 at 11:17 am

Randall Terry is such a consummate horse's ass that even the most frothing anti-abortionists want nothing to do with him, even less so after this prime specimen of the vast love Jesus had for mankind disowned his own child for the mortal sin of being gay.

Chow Yun Flat October 10, 2012 at 11:17 am

"Did you see a sign on my garage that says Dead Fetus Storage?"

no_gravity October 10, 2012 at 11:17 am

Randall Terry needs to Wake the Fuck Up.

elviouslyqueer October 10, 2012 at 11:25 am

Randall Terry needs to Wake Shut the Fuck Up.

FTFY.

actor212 October 10, 2012 at 11:17 am

I can't wait for Terry Randall to end up in a maximum security prison and be crammed into a take-away salad container like the fetus he carries around.

With votes, I mean.

BadKitty904 October 10, 2012 at 12:00 pm

He'll certainly be the most popular boy on his cellblock.

actor212 October 10, 2012 at 11:19 am

By the way, what political office is Samuel L Jackson running for, besides "Muthafucking Badass"?

PsycWench October 10, 2012 at 11:21 am

Maybe they are just literally running, until one shoves the other into a ditch (with votes). My money's on Jackson.

BadKitty904 October 10, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Secretary of Wrath.

ElPinche October 10, 2012 at 11:19 am

What's with all the yummy sesame shrimp footage?

BaldarTFlagass October 10, 2012 at 11:22 am

Hm, I thought that was our South Texas specialty, fajeetus.

ElPinche October 10, 2012 at 11:55 am

LOL. Well played Sir Baldar.

PsycWench October 10, 2012 at 11:20 am

Why is Randall Terry free to walk the streets and create ads? I think he needs supervision.

actor212 October 10, 2012 at 11:20 am

those commercials for DishTV or whatever that draw a line from not having cable to being in prison forever for raping and murdering your son-in-law?

You mean like "Don't wake up in a ditch?"

DirecTV, a branch of the Murdoch propaganda "entertainment" conglomerate.

b[redact]opple October 10, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Yeah. I'm glad Trixie called them out. Those ads are just terrible, but for some reason they keep making new ones.

Joshua Norton October 10, 2012 at 11:21 am

Sociopathic movement hack is sociopathic.

Baconzgood October 10, 2012 at 11:21 am

"I have had it with these motherfucking black babies on this motherfucking plane!"

fuflans October 10, 2012 at 11:21 am

gross out anti abortion ads always work better when the voiceover sounds like a local used car dealer.

Indiepalin October 10, 2012 at 11:21 am

I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration?

FakaktaSouth October 10, 2012 at 11:27 am

"Allow me to retort."

ALso, "say what again," "Naw baby, it's all kool and the gang," and "I used the same fuckin' soap you did and when I got finished, the towel didn't look like no goddamn Maxi-Pad!"

"Normally, both your asses would be dead as fucking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this shit while I'm in a transitional period so I don't wanna kill you, I wanna help you. But I can't give you this case, it don't belong to me. Besides, I've already been through too much shit this morning over this case to hand it over to your dumb ass."

Ahem. Sorry, that is absolutely one of my most favorite characters in one of my most favorite movies ever. Okay. As you were.

Indiepalin October 10, 2012 at 11:28 am

A Royale with Cheese !!

noodlesalad October 10, 2012 at 11:22 am

Everybody be cool, this is an election robbery! Any of you fucking pigs MOVE towards the voting booth, and we'll execute every single last one of you. Sincerely, GOP and Honey Bunny Terry.

Radiotherapy October 10, 2012 at 11:22 am

But I'm trying, Ringo. I'm trying real hard to be the shepherd.

DonnyKerabotsos October 10, 2012 at 11:23 am

Randall Terry should go the fuck to sleep.

Mittaplasia October 10, 2012 at 11:48 am

A dirt nap…with votes, of course.

GregComlish October 10, 2012 at 11:23 am

Hey, maybe if you're going to try to label somebody a racist you shouldn't start with the meanest, baddest, blackest person on the planet.

BadKitty904 October 10, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Look, if you're going to be all rational about this stuff…

DemmeFatale October 10, 2012 at 11:24 am

Samuel L. Jackson?
Mr. Terry, you are messing with the wrong man!
Samuel WILL cut a bitch!!
(with votes)

BarackMyWorld October 10, 2012 at 11:26 am

"Wow…did they ever just decide to fuck with the wrong guy."

-Captain Obvious

carlgt1 October 10, 2012 at 11:33 am

yeah it would be like bothering to make an anti-Clint Eastwood or anti-Chuck Norris ad!

BadKitty904 October 10, 2012 at 12:06 pm

I'm hoping for a YouTube vid of Mr. Jules striking down upon him with great vengeance and furious anger…of votes…

Incitefully_Joe October 10, 2012 at 11:27 am

For some reason, Randall Terry fails to mention that there are nevertheless pretty good odds that any babies that Samuel L. Jackson personally aborts were probably going to be the next Space-Hitler anyway.

sailingthestyx October 10, 2012 at 11:31 am

actually, the Dish TV commercials are hilarious…

BaldarTFlagass October 10, 2012 at 11:31 am

OT, but Alex Karras died.

"Mongo only pawn in game of life death."

actor212 October 10, 2012 at 11:34 am

Steroids. Not nearly as much fun as recreational drugs

BaldarTFlagass October 10, 2012 at 11:36 am

I think he was in the game before steroids saw much use. Obit says he had dementia from all the head-banging. Plus kidney failure.

actor212 October 10, 2012 at 11:40 am

He and Alzado, who was a known 'roider, had nearly overlapping careers. Dianabol was introduced in 1958.

You can figure out the rest.

BaldarTFlagass October 10, 2012 at 11:46 am

I defer to your superior 'roid knowledge. Still, age 77 ain't all that bad…

carlgt1 October 10, 2012 at 11:32 am

I love the percentage bar that mixes two separate things and just "adds" them up! RepugliKKKan fuzzy math in full effect! Also wasn't Terry the "Christian" who was basically the bin Laden of abortion clinics – telling his psycho followers/bombers/etc "just let a wave of hatred wash over you — for Jeebus!"

Also slamming Planned Parenthood for ancient Margaret Sanger myths is like when they try and say the Dems are "KKK" because they were 100 years ago. It's like modern history of the past 50 years passes them by!

pdiddycornchips October 10, 2012 at 11:32 am

Margaret Sanger was a racist cunt and Randall Terry is both a cunt and a racist. Randall Terry and the late Margaret Sanger share much in common. Margaret Sanger founded Planned Parenthood, therefore, Randall Terry supports Planned Parenthood!

eggsacklywright October 10, 2012 at 11:33 am

Say "what" again. Say "what" again. I dare you. I double-dare you, motherfucker. Say "what" one more goddamn time.

UnholyMoses October 10, 2012 at 4:24 pm

What?

Allmighty_Manos October 10, 2012 at 11:34 am

Too late, all the Pulp Fiction lines have been used up. How about "Yes fetuses deserve to die and I hope they burn in hell!"

ttommyunger October 10, 2012 at 11:39 am

I handled the aborted and dismembered fetus' pretty well, but that last image: my God, that is one hideous creature!

cassamandra October 10, 2012 at 11:41 am

Hey, did you know the founding fathers had _slaves_? Don't vote for Americans!

johnnyzhivago October 10, 2012 at 11:42 am

Samuel Jackson -> Planned Parenthood –> Obama —> Sesame Street –> Big Bird –>

Big Bird is Samuel Jackson?

johnnyzhivago October 10, 2012 at 11:43 am

What do they call a whopper?

Steverino247 October 10, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Any campaign statement by Mitt Romney.

StealthMuslin October 10, 2012 at 11:44 am

Because nobody loves black babies more than the Republican Party.

LibertyLover October 10, 2012 at 11:44 am

Next thing you know, you’re shooting Marvin in the face.

Hey, Hey, Hey! THAT was an accident.

Tommmcatt_Again October 10, 2012 at 11:46 am

Was that honey glaze on the one fetus? Anybody have the recipie?

BadKitty904 October 10, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Jeez, guys, I'm tryin to eat my lunch here, OK?

belmontreport October 10, 2012 at 11:49 am

Did they use the Clarissa Explains it All guitar riff?

JustPixelz October 10, 2012 at 11:49 am

It takes a brave man to tell blah people someone is selling them. Or an asshole.

billy_reuben October 10, 2012 at 11:51 am

Aborting 1920's and 1930's babies? I knew it, I KNEW it! Samuel L. Jackson is a TIME TRAVELER!!!11!!

Tommmcatt_Again October 10, 2012 at 11:52 am

Incidentally, I would love to be a fly on the wall when somebody tells the awesome and majectic Samuel L. Jackson that some psuedo-religious peon called him an "Uncle Tom".

BadKitty904 October 10, 2012 at 12:10 pm

"Aw, hell to tha muthafuckin no, he didint…!"

LibertyLover October 10, 2012 at 11:52 am

Never trust an advertisement that speaks too fast for you to understand what they are saying.

mavenmaven October 10, 2012 at 12:00 pm

When a person shows dead black fetuses with that much glee, you know deep down he must get a kick out of it.

mrblifil October 10, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Samuel Jackson and Randall Terry actually have a lot in common if you are talking about the years when Samuel Jackson was a poorly functioning crack addict.

CommieLibunatic October 10, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Randall Who? (just replace the picture of Bing Crosby with Terry for my feelings on the matter)

fawkedifiknow October 10, 2012 at 12:31 pm

If you tried to catalog every leap of logic that Republicans engage in every day of year, and only list them once – repeating idiocies not included – you could lay them end to end and go around the world twice.

True fact .

jzgplj October 10, 2012 at 1:15 pm

I am truly surprised no one has offed Randall Terry. He's such a douchebag.

fatbob54 October 10, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Calling Samuel L. Jackson an Uncle Tom is like calling Terry Randal (or Randy Terrel or whatever the fuck his name is) a man of god.

imissopus October 10, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Randall Terry, Fetus Whisperer

TribecaMike October 10, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I don't know about Randall Terry, but just hearing Samuel L. Jackson say "fuck" makes me wanna make babies.

Signed, a father of one hundred and sixty children

Theywontlisten October 10, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Cause they got the metric system

Theywontlisten October 10, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Sam Jackson should moderate the next debate

actor212 October 10, 2012 at 11:54 am

Fuck! I'm like twenty years younger than Karras! I'd like to think I've got at least 40 years left on the planet! 77 is young nowadays.

BaldarTFlagass October 10, 2012 at 11:57 am

I visited my 96 year old granddad a couple months ago. His mind is totally there but the senses are failing him. He isn't really living, he's just existing. I don't think I want to live that long.

weejee October 10, 2012 at 12:26 pm

That the only f***ing that the GOP wants to occur in America is the ass f***ing they do politically?

actor212 October 10, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Well, if you check out this week's Nobel Prize in biology, we may both be very very happy at one hundred.

Steverino247 October 10, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Happy at 100? Only if I can still spurt all over my wife's tits.

BaldarTFlagass October 10, 2012 at 12:42 pm

At 100, "drool" might be the verb, not "spurt."

fatbob54 October 10, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Me too, where's your wife?

Steverino247 October 10, 2012 at 12:46 pm

And thus, unhappy at 100.

gullywompr October 10, 2012 at 1:15 pm

I would have said that power is more important to them than ideology, but you have the basic idea.

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