It seems like just yesterday we were worried about Sarah Palin! The wraithlike skin-sack of hollow bones clomping around Los Angeles this week was not the GILF you’ve hatefucked in your brainpan so many times throughout the years, but instead gave us a huge anti-boner of sad. (That this led to accusations in the comments that we were “body-shaming” is too bad, since it was by far the nicest thing we’d ever written about Palin, and also since this is not Jezebel. What’s next, accusations of cisgendered heteronormative hegemony?) But it is okay, you guys! People magazine did the hard work of asking Palin, what the fuck is up with your bone-sack? And Palin replied!
In an email to PEOPLE on Tuesday, Palin – who’s known to treat houseguests to a smorgasbord of homemade treats such as moose chili, chocolate cream pies, pecan pies and lemon meringue pies – wrote, “Our family is writing a book on fitness and self-discipline focusing on where we get our energy and balance as we still eat our beloved homemade comfort foods!”
Palin, 48, says she will discuss the topics in “our unique and motivating book.”
“We promise you what we do works and allows a fulfilling quality of life and sustenance anyone can enjoy,” she adds.
It is unclear if Palin has a contract for the upcoming book or when the work will be published.
That’s cute, People, the little bitch-meow at the end, but no. It is not “unclear” if Palin has a contract for the upcoming book — if she had a contract, it would have been Drudge siren news like it always is whenever the brood grifts its way into another paycheck, like we hear about whatever idiot reality thing the phlegmatic Todd’s signed up for this time. As for when the work will be published, we are going to say “never,” because that might entail writing a book, since we don’t think “fitness” is one of Palin Family Ghostwriter Nancy French’s topics of expertise.
As for their homemade treats, we can’t imagine lemon meringue goes well with secret bags of Taco Bell consumed alone in her room with the door closed, but eh. We could be very wrong about that!
In any case, we are glad (you say) you are okay, Sarah Palin. Maybe soon you can get back to being hotter than Julianne Moore played you, which is the first statement in history that came out of Bristol Palin’s mouth with which we can agree!
[People, via PoliticalWire; pix from Celebitchy courtesy of Fame/Flynet]
{ 209 comments }
"Fun and Fit On An Eight-Ball a Week"
Lou Sarah is our
heroineheroin. Just so much fun to needle.Funny. My very first thought was the "Columbian Diet," too…
An 8-ball a week?
I'd give it an afternoon.
Still, mega-win!
Can't I still blame Trig for AOT,K?
Can I suggest a title: "FitMess With US Amercia's Sexiest Grannie"
“Meth Your Way to a Sexier You”- I predict it will fly off the shelves in the Confederate States.
Right next to "Smoke Yourself Thin", "The Bible so that even YOU can Understand It", and whatever Jerome Corsi has pooped out recently.
accusations of cisgendered heteronormative hegemony?
I had to look this up. And I was an English Major for chrissakes!
Cissie!
You too, eh?
and ???
That's why you are here and not over at HuffyFluffy.
Translation: "pussyhurtness."
ROTFLMAO!
So what you're saying is that you don't use tumblr?
We're all English Majors, or former English Majors.
That's why we're all here, instead of at jobs.
Fuck ta tha yeah, bitches! UCI, '86!
I just have to shout out to an Encinitas girl. I'm from those parts, also.
Oh, hai! Little pieces of water are falling on me from somewhere above me. Don't know why… what's going on???
She looks every minute of her 70 years old.
“Our family is writing a book on fitness and self-discipline"
I can't wait to read Bristle's chapter.
It will be the griftiest story ever told.
"Yes! Taco Bell CAN be a part of a healthy diet!"
Those *ARE* K-Mart bags she's carrying, right?
I saw Wal-Mart. Or maybe Bi-Mart.
Yep. With a sixer of IBC Diet Root Beer.
And the economy pack of Ho-hos. (Does K-Mart even carry Chupa Chups?)
That's a generous way to describe a footnote.
I wanna see Pipette's chapter, too.
Discipline comes in many forms, grasshopper.
Just scroll up the page.
Sarah Palin is a meth.
You mean Tharah, right?
—Biggus
The thure ith.
You definitely sell her short. As a failed ex half-governor, failed Vice Presidential candidate, failed Fox News "commentator", failed reality star, failed (had other people)write( for he)r, and soon-to-be failed nutrition guru, Sarah Palin is quite clear a true polymeth.
Sarah be breaking bad.
When I think self-discipline, I think Palins! can't wait!
Self & discipline are unrelated ingredients of a Palin word salad that was tossed, and the two words fell together by accident.
If she wasn't pure feral evil, I'd almost feel sorry for her. She was the center of attention and now she's a punch line, employable only on Fox News. Even reality tv has had enough of her. The weight loss and focus on working out isn't really a surprise. She's a strong candidate for an eating disorder. When you are losing control of everything else, at least you can control your diet and your weight. Sarah's got a ticket for the "thinspiration" train.
We can only hope.
And when reality tv has had enough of you, it's time to reassess your life.
Yes, introspection and deep thinking, just like discipline, are terms I can't help but associate with the name Palin.
That was exactly my take on it. A narcissistic rage/control thing.
The sad thing is now somewhere some publisher probably thinks it is a good idea to ask her to write the said book and says, "why didn't we think about that before?" It will include a lot of sexy photos of the Palin gals for all the old men to enjoy.
“Our family is writing a book on fitness and self-discipline focusing on where we get our energy and balance as we still eat our beloved homemade comfort foods!”
The entire family is writing the book? Including that rather zaftig little homewrecker, Bristol?
Brisket's chapter will be the chubbiest.
And jiggliest. Also, most in denial. Too. Also.
And it when you open the book to that chapter, a tiny little booklet will accidentally fall out.
Oh my.
She will have written two more books than she's read…. right?
Written for her, you mean?
"How many books have you written?"
"All of them, Katie."
It took her a while to hit the mother lode of Grifting — diet books. What better to peddle to her obese, Hoveround-bound, teabagging, devotees.
Hominy grifts? Several, I'm guessing.
Sarah Palin Brand Moose Lard?
Nah. She still needs to do an exercise DVD, which will expand her audience to include fapping Young Republicans.
And then, Rich Lowry's yoga pants couldn't even be folded to put into the washer.
I predict folks who follow the books plan will follow Palin's example to the tee and quit half way through.
“Our family is writing a book on fitness and self-discipline focusing on where we get our energy and balance as we still eat our beloved homemade comfort foods!”
Still eating comfort foods? Ew so this is a book full of tips on how to make yourself throw up? I guess if anyone can induce vomiting, it's this crew. Just, no thank you.
No, no it's just a book on how to be a meth addict
Its kinda like us writing a book about clean living and self-denial, isn't it?
I work out! To counteract the dirty? living and indulgence. You know, ACTUAL balance.
Balance is important, especially during the more fancy moves.
huge anti-boner of sad
Errrr, Editrix, is there something you need to, um, reveal here?
Please?
Debbie Downer's brother, Dick.
She said "anti-boner," the Hegellian antithesis of boner, you silly.
Well, maybe if David Hume couldn't outconsume him…
I was confused because I thought the term "huge anti-boner of sad" only applied to Joe Lieberman.
Lieberman is the small, droopy, wrinkly anti-boner of sad.
“… we still eat our beloved homemade comfort foods!”
Like crow and humble pie?
Moose-n-meth casserole?
In order to eat humble pie, they would have to have a decent sense of shame to begin with.
What kind of skeletal fitness is this? It's still meth.
"The Jane Fundie Workout"
I actually think she looks better at that angle than the one yesterday. And, if you throw on top that she's in LaLa land – I'm guessing she's just trying to assimilate. Plus its hard to shoot moose from a chopper in SoCal.
yeah i'm not quite sure what all this fuss is about. she looks LA thin, but better than without the trowel's worth of make up she usually applies.
and i may be shallow, but i'd be thin than look like bristol.
Plus its hard to shoot moose from a chopper in SoCal
Why? It's not like Melissa McCarthy can afford a Ferrari yet….
What, that ditz who thinks she can diagnose autism because she used to go out with Jim Carrey?
That's Jenny. Melissa is the rather…rotund…Emmy-award winning actress
As a practicing autist, may I just say that the new-agey "crystal child" podunk she was babbling about before she jumped on the anti-vaxer train was only slightly less annoying.
I mean, way less awful in terms of the public health implications, but still.
The wraithlike skin-sack of hollow bones clomping around Los Angeles
The ringwraith skin-sack of hollow bones clomping around Los Angeles
/ fixed
NAZGUL LIBEL!
If you guys are ever single, I would like to fix you up with whoever described Nancy Grace as an Uruk-hai.
"We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!…"
If I were concerned about staying fit, the first thing I'd do is toss any shoes that posed the threat of a broken ankle. But that's just me.
It's not the fitness part that confuses me, it's the self-discipline part — is that the part that sustains Sarah through her $150,000 raid on the local Nordstrom, or the part that allows Bristol to have her own private fuck room in the Palin household, or one of the other ones (Henbane? Atlatl? I forget) to be a Wasilla cokehound? And don't even get me started on Trig's gun collection.
If her book-writing goes anything like her governorship, she'll get half-way through the first chapter and then quit.
"The wraithlike skin-sack of hollow bones"
Will this diet book be published by EC Comics? She looks like if the Cryptkeeper got a makeover.
She looks like the Crypt Keeper.
K-Mart sucks.
Anyone check for track marks on her forearms?
She can expand and contract all she wants, but I'm disappointed (perpetually) in her clothing. Look, honey, you're a young grandma, but you either have to really bring the crazy (animal prints, clear heels, giant fake diamond rings) or tone it down (meet my friends, tasteful black flat and pencil skirt – they are happy to make your acquaintance).
Those wedges, especially paired with that shirt, are meant to be carried by an 18 year-old sorority pledge during her first walk of shame home from frat row.
I will admit in full mean girl fashion, that after this dramatic drop, I do look forward to the re-loading. Yo-yo-dieting ain't for play. And I hate her clothes in perpetuity. It's like she also quit in the middle of her fashion consultation.
Or a girl pulling a shift behind the local truck stop. Either way – *tacky*.
Oh, no, she's in fashion. It's a way for trashy grandmas to keep up the appearance of having just driven away from fraternity row after ravishing some young clueless stud.
Cuz, you know, they can't deal with a man.
You know this by careful observation. Right?
I have a…
friend…
who's done that.
It's not that we're supposed to give up on trying to look attractive after a certain age; it's that there's a middle ground between elastic-waist polyester pants and leopard-print tube tops. Sarah is one bottle of hair dye away from being Petunia from "Futurama":
http://futurama.wikia.com/wiki/File:Petunia.png
I just feel like if she wants to be tacky, she should really freaking go for it. This is such half-assed tacky.
She's going for the Gemma Morrow look.
14:32 and counting Sarah.
She has ugly toes. Just sayin.
Oh, that's not blue polish?
Drugging With The Stars?
Sooo, was this photo placed next to one of her "hawt" 2008 pics on TMZ's "Look she's all growed up" section???
Let me get this straight — You posted pictures of some poor innocent civilian and accused her of being La Palin? Shame on you, Wonkette.
Maybe soon you can get back to being hotter than Julianne Moore played you
Back in '08 Palin was smokin' hot. Still not as hot as Julianne Moore though.
So is she 'writing' a book on how to keep fit or throw a fit? Inquiring minds want to know.
From the little I saw of them the few times I clicked thru "Sara Palin's Alaska" if they were going to a gym it must have had an all-you-can-eat pudding bar.
At least the meth manufacturing industry is alive and well in America, thanks to Sarah apparantly.
What do you think got the unemployment level under 8%? Better living through chemicals…yaaaaay!
Isn't Wasilla the meth capital of Alaska?
Why do I get the feeling that the book will blame Obama for her weight, (gain or loss).
With a foreword by Paul Ryan.
Duck! SHe saw us.
The Cougar Quitter Love America For Cash Diet Book
So, is she going to starve out the hookworms?
A good-sized coke booger could make her list to starboard!
The change in lighting and the movement of her "shopping" bags leads me to one conclusion: she's hitting every Kmart in Southern Cali & cleaning out their Sudafed supply. QED, bitch.
She looks like she's wearing clothes she just bought at K-Mart.
bought, stole, five finger discount, whatever.
Man, I never went to bed with anything like that.
Woke up with a few…
48 is the new 80.
pffffft!
*dismissive hand flap*
She's 48 like I'm a Size Zero.
I was gonna say, she's less than 10 years older than I am? Fuck that noise.
Well, it's obvious her book isn't going to have anything in it about hairstyles.
Opportunist in chief.
Sarah's so good at quitting, maybe she has just quit eating?
I'd do her.
With a hammer.
Of votes.
I don't think a diet of monster drinks, jujubes and luna bars is really all that healthy.
wraithlike skin-sack of hollow bones
you know, Nazgûl cause unconsciousness, nightmares, and eventually death.
“Our family is writing a book on fitness and self-discipline focusing on where we get our energy and balance as we still eat our beloved homemade comfort foods!”
IOW, "Binging and Purging: 50 Hurls to Flatter Abs."
This is turning into some weird, backwoods version of "Mommy Dearest" meets "Sunset Boulevard"…but without the superficial beauty or the talent… Or the pathos…
"How To Stay Fit While Exploiting Your Children For Fame And Profit"
Too bad "The Insanity Workout" is already trademarked.
Dementor libel!
She actually has some cred in this field. She can run a marathon faster than Paul Ryan.
I C WUT U DID THER!
Manufactured housing development caucasian refuse.
Or as my Latino brah's would say, basura blanco.
Whew. I always loved the way Sarah strings the latest pop phrases together, whether or not they make sense…
Geez, give Sarah a break. Sarah is so thin because she's running back and forth to the bank depositing checks from the lame stream media.
Readin'. Writin'.
Tomorrow, Rithmatickin'…
Clothing, makeup and food are the least of Gauntzilla's worries when her jones comes down.
Headline of the day (Yahoo):
"Glenn Beck Totals SUV After Daughter's Wedding"
Glenn Beck
The human wreck
Never plays with a full deck.
This little ditty got me over 700 downfists on Yahoo a few years ago; it was a blaze of glory in my otherwise nondescript life.
"Daughter"??
That blubbery, weeping albino slug is capable of reproduction?
P90-Glenn Rice?
I have never, ever considered Sarah Palin to be attractive, in any way. I think perhaps its that permanent sneer on her face as she collects random words to toss out in her latest word salad, or perhaps the pure (but somewhat stupid) evil that oozes out of her pores. I hate to admit this, but I have on rare occasions considered Michelle Bachmann to be attractive.. but never once have I done that with Palin.
It was that "great sex with crazy people" fantasy thingy and knowing Marcus wasn't up to the job, amirite?
Lol I dont know about that. She really isnt a bad looking woman, not like the highly subjective and high maintenance look that Palin has.
There is no way that Sarah is going to let Bristol be the biggest train-wreck in the family.
She's on one of those macrobiotic diets where you have to eat a lot of, er, Rice.
Which turns out to be surprisingly high in protein.
Wait! Isn't that a bag of Those Cakes We Like? I call bullshit!
we may have an explanation, courtesy of this morning's new blind item on a few gossip sites:
"I guess she is a celebrity now. Not sure what her title would be. Anyway, she definitely has A list name recognition. Actually she has A+ name recognition. Anyway, she has lost weight recently and says it is because of diet and exercise. Could be true, but the little pick me up powder she was wiping from her nose the other night is probably helping too and that famed LA weight loss drug Adderall."
This is the next step in the fame whore cycle, followed by a visit to rehab, and then a "clean" return to public life, before finally flaming out into the 'where are they now' bargain bin.
For a family that made a living bitching about Hollywood, they sure do spend all of their time there.
I, for one, look forward to seeing the Palin diet and exercise book. Sarah Palin trying to write a sentence will be like a chimpanzee trying to design a nuclear reactor.
Comedy gold, this will be!
Getting rid of demons is at least a 10 pound loss! I have to admit though – she does look like my dream milf pole-dancer now!
A weight-loss, fitness book! Killer idea, why has no one ever done this before? I, for one, cannot fucking wait to sop up this vapid twat's brain-droppings. I wonder how many boxcars full the Koch Brothers will buy?
Enough to ship to all the schools so they can get rid of phys ed.
They still have Phys Ed?Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.
I picked the last apples off the tree yesterday and baked two apple pies last night.
Anyone want some?
Yes plz.
Good for her. There's no way in hell I'd read any book ghostwritten for her, but any activity that gets her out of the spotlight for a bit is good. And now I have a strange craving for Turkey Jerky.
"Lose the Fat and Keep the Rack" by The Palin Gang.
Snowbilly Grifter targets the low self- esteemed and the full figured mental lightweights. Just like before.
Whatever she's eating, poor girl is tastin' it twice.
Bitches don't meow, though. However, cats do sometimes bark, when nobody's looking.
Again I'm seeing no sign that she is seven months pregnant.
Give her credit. She knows her audience. Who among you would have thought of "The Meth Fitness Plan"?
I can't speak for everyone among *us*, but a pretty fair percentage of the population in the red states has.
“Our family is writing a book on fitness and self-discipline" – this in one line is actually America's real problem. It's actually deemed plausible to publish a explanation as self help books on SELF DISCIPLINE written by a woman who could not be fucked to finish her term as Governor and also who can't seem to find the OFF button on her shrill rants on Fox News any time anyone even looks like they are thinking of saying "Obama". You just know her remaining 5 supporters are saving up the pennies for this magical tome. If or when it even gets published (i.e. never).
*polite golf clap*
I applaud your restraint in getting through an entire rant mocking $arah's claim to self discipline without even once mentioning her whorey daughter and bastard grandchild(ren).
As long as it's not about fitness for elected office.
Nice 'fuck me' shoes, though.
Are her boobs inflatable?
She's clearly not writing a book of fashion tips.
The really pathetic thing is that if she were, there are people who would run right out and buy it.
Yes, it's so hard to find time to eat right and exercise when you're rich and don't have a job.
Man! She's really worked her way into those jeans. Or vice versa.
"That this led to accusations in the comments that we were “body-shaming” is too bad"
Being of Italian descent, I have a number of family members who have struggled their whole lives with weight issues. Because they're good people, I wouldn't dream of making fun of the way they look. But assholes like Sarah Palin and Chris Christie? Totally fair game.
Oh, yeah, also goes for friends who have struggled with addictions vs. turds like Breitbart.
At this rate, which will vanish into thin air first: herself or her Fox contract?
Step 1. Get yourself a couple a bags a Kmart brand laxatives.
Was the photo taken during auditions for the upcoming Roller Boogie reboot?
Sarah new books:
Atlas Failed
Rice-A-Sarah: Wasilla Bleh Treat
Coming soon to the nearest 99 cents store.
If you're zero percent body fat, should you really have tits the size of your head?
Barbie wannabe.
'How To Achieve A Scrawny Ass While Keeping Your Rack Intact' by Palin & Co. has already been greenlighted by Murdoch's new HarperCollins spinoff.
It's true; after 40, you really do have the face you deserve.
“Our family is writing a book on fitness and self-discipline …"
WTF?
Britney Spears, circa 2015
The young lady from Lawn Guyland with the sparkly, shocking-pink web page and the whtie lipstick — Mindy Something? Mindy Miller?
Sarah should be consulting her for fashion advice.
ETA: Mindy Meyer http://wonkette.com/479059/meet-and-fap-to-sexy-c…
"Palin – who’s known to treat houseguests to a smorgasbord of homemade treats such as moose chili, chocolate cream pies, pecan pies and lemon meringue pies…"
STARBURSTS!!!
I'm guessing Little Debbies — but not even *actual* Little Debbies — the Costco steamer trunk size cut-rate equivalent of Little Debbies — on a *flowered* paper plate.
Sarah's usual parenting style, as evidenced by that other-other documentary show, is to serve up Willow or Piper on a (de)flowered paper plate to young male house-guests.
I smell an eating disorder.
That's not funny, that's sick.
I love our Editrix for not giving into the fragile flower syndrome. Thank you.
Oh my God. She's selling Amway.
A terrible mind is good to waste. That is all
did her tits suck up all her fat?
you can take the gal out of KMart but you can't take the KMart out of the gal
no canvas bags?
environment libel!!1!
meth
You know who else was notorious for right wing politics and weird dietary habits?
Dick Morris?
nice mullet
what if that little pointy finger was on the red button..fuck..what to do then..
Five bucks she gets a boob job. Then she goes blonde. Then she gets divorced. Then she falls in teh sack with Danny DeVito after a 3-day bender.
Looks like Charlie Sheen w/ tits.
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