You Guys, Sarah Palin Is Wasting Away!

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Do we love Sarah Palin? Probably not. Do we want her to waste away, like late-era Joey Heatherton or dead Karen Carpenter? NO. You can’t point and laugh at someone who’s barely able to lift her five-pound whore-wedgies!

Celebitchy has the gallery, from Fame/Flynet, of the former half-term governor out shopping and “eating” KFC.

Sarah Palin, don’t get us wrong, we still hate you. But looking at you strutting around like the poster girl for a pro-ana website is just giving us sadz. Get back to the Taco Bell! Maybe only work out like five hours a day instead of what looks to be 12!

We need you at your fighting weight, Sarah Palin, so you can continue to ruin the world every time you open your tattooed lips, and we can continue to pay our rent off it.

[Celebitchy]

 
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399 comments

    1. Antispandex

      No, no. She's on a strict Chick-Fil-A diet. Chick-Fil-A and bran muffins…and tears of the poor to wash it all down.

  1. kissawookiee

    It's not her fault that simply living in Wasilla is enough to give you a contact MethMouth.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Yeah, those are some skinny legs. Some skinny arms, neck face etc. too. Not much fat there.

      The hooters seem to be holding up OK though. Hmmm… almost like they're not made of human fat, like regular breasts are…

    2. LionHeartSoyDog

      "Eating KFC"???
      Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

      "I eat more chicken any man ever seen.
      Oh Yeah. I'm A Backdoor Man."

  2. snowpointsecret

    The first thing I thought was "it's warm enough for that in Alaska?"

    Then I realized the link said "la"… Yeah I don't know I'm in Dayton, it's been kind of cold here, and was Sarah Palin relevant recently?

  3. UnholyMoses

    I hear if you feed Grifters after midnight, they reproduce evil offspr—

    Oh. Too late.

    Nevermind.

    1. Isyaignert

      I recently met a far eastern Russian high school exchange student who was staying with a Canadian family and he said where he comes from, people laugh at $arah Palin being able to see Russia from Alaska. They think she's ridiculous (and Putin is their prez).

  4. Schmannnity

    After a season of Yukon Men and Alaska on the Discovery channel, I've learned that the hunting season was poor this year. Also meth is very slimming.

    1. alteredimages

      And with those bolt-on boobs she be a stripper.

      Seriojusly, she lost all that weight and still has a chest? That proves that rack was aftermarket.

      1. emmelemm

        "The phase pops into his head at that very instant: social X-rays … They keep themselves so thin, they look like X-ray pictures … You can see lamplight through their bones … "

        -Tom Wolfe

          1. emmelemm

            Lamplight through their bones made an impression when I read this many years ago. I think of it often.

        1. Yellerdawg

          Weirdest porn flick ever. That's 57 minutes of my life I'll never get back. 114 if you consider I watched it twice.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Parishoner: "Minister, is there a proper blessing for Sarah palin?"

        Minister: "There is a proper blessing for everything… lets see…May the lord bless and keep Sarah Palin… far away from us!"

      1. Ruhe

        Your formula is close but the appropriate conjunction is –> rather than = as the relation is asymptotic: " x" (her weight+age-bra size) always approaches "a" (IQ) while always remaining the larger number.

      2. PugglesRule

        That would put her IQ around (guesses) 170? Which, no. So maybe formula is (weight + age + bra size) / 2 ?

  5. ManchuCandidate

    Goodbye Sarah P
    Though I never cared for you at all
    You had the sense to sell yourself
    While those around you realized the mistake they made
    They came from out of the lower 48
    And they forced facts into your brain
    They sent you to Needless Markups
    And they put you in an smart person's game

    And it seems to me you lived your life
    Like a meangirl at the gym
    Never knowing who to grift from
    As the jokes piled on
    And I would have liked to have known you
    But I saw the porno instead
    Your chances burned out long before
    Your ambition ever did

    1. deenh2000

      This comment is so good that I created an account on Wonkette. Hope you don't mind, I shared it all over the place. Thanx!

    1. Isyaignert

      Thanks weejee and just in time for Thanksgiving! I will never tire of watching that video. Also, too.

    2. Designer_Rants

      I'll never forget the several near-coronaries I watched Keith Olbermann have while playing that video on an endless loop through at least 3 news cycles.

      Then I quit watching cable news. I suppose that was the pinnacle.

  6. Nesnora

    Nooooooo Wonkette— please don't body shame women on here, even if she's a horrible, vapid sack of shit. :(

      1. Nesnora

        Sorry, I didn't know making a blog post pointing out a woman's weight was a form of treatment for anorexia. My mistake! I'm sure she'll find this very helpful.

          1. ThundercatHo

            If you can't say something nice about Sarah then please say it here. Some people need to get the fuck over themselves with the "body shaming". Putting yourself in the public eye opens you up for anything folks care to hurl your way. Bitch asked for it by being, well, her. Oh, and I don't recall anyone jumping to Rush Limbaugh's or Chris Christie's defense when they have been referred to as giant, sweaty, lardasses. Know why? Cuz its true.

          2. Crank_Tango

            Also too, apparently she is working on a "Fitness" "Book," so I believe she wants us to talk about how she is losing all this weight on speed, er, jenny craig, whatever.

        1. Gleem McShineys

          Wonkette is a drunken mommy-blog that doesn't allow comments. You can't even post suggestions on how to direct the content of the site into unfunny sensitivity and caring inclusivity.

          God knows I've tried.

      2. Crank_Tango

        Hopefully it's not anorexia and it's something harmless like that meth I keep hearing about. Or bath salts. Or what's that new one, smiles? Could be smiles.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      I had just assumed she was whithering away from lack of attention. Besides, there's nothing wrong with her weight (says the person with the BMI of an average Eritrean of the same age) — the freaky part is that she looks like she's dressed up for a date with Nick Nolte's mug shot.

      1. PhilippePetain

        Yeah, I have no problem saying that an ex-politician aligned with the religious right is dressing like a lot lizard. Call me insensitive, but I don't care.

        Context, people.

      2. 415buzzard

        I agree, she doesn't look too thin, just White-Trashy. The jeans are fugly, as is the blue toenail polish which would look better on one of her sad teenage daughters.. And the hair needs to go back to 1985. I guess this is what passes for "Wasilla Chic".

        Do I sound like a Big City Elitist now?

        1. kittensdontlie

          Back when the money was free, remember her shopping spree?!
          And oh how the libs roared,"That's just window-dressin' on a boar(sic?)!".
          So back to rocking 80's hair she tries, well at least it's not a beehive?!
          And where is that little tummy now,…has mommy Palin sworn off eating cow?!

    2. snowpointsecret

      I thought this post was making fun of 2 things:

      1. Celebrity blogs will find anything to talk about

      2. Sarah Palin's really irrelevant.

      I can see where you're coming from for sure but I read this from a different angle. Then again maybe I'm just really off on the point.

      1. CthuNHu

        It's always been a thing. It's just that now it's also a phrase, so we can finally pin it to the wall when we see it.

      2. anniegetyerfun

        "Body shaming" and "body snarking" are phrases typically only seen on Jezebel and other vagina blogs.

        Great, now I've had to mention Jezebel twice today.

        1. Tequila Mockingbird

          Jezebel was the site that posted old photos of Christine O’Donnell in a ladybug Halloween costume, to embarrass her and invite discussion of her physical appearance, and then they whine that women in politics are held to double standards. Fuck them and their fat acceptance/body-shaming bullshit. The pseudo-"feminists" over at Jezebel are nothing but a bunch of rage-filled harridans who get laid once a decade because they refuse to go on diets or shave their legs.

          1. bobbert

            So, given a contest between Jezebel and Sarah Palin, where would you weigh in?

            (I'll tell you my view: Jez is a bunch of excitable ding-dongs; Palin is consistently malevolent. YMMV).

          2. Tequila Mockingbird

            Any opportunity to snark on Palin is OK by me! I merely note, with some sadness, that more people take Sarah Palin seriously than take Jezebel seriously.

          3. emmelemm

            I'm with you, but for: some of us are just too damn lazy to shave our legs all the time, esp. since we live in cold climates.

          4. Crank_Tango

            Hey there is nothing wrong with a little laziness! Hell, you strive too hard for perfection and it is easy to stray into High Maintenance territory.

            Back in the day, I'd see a "perfect" chick and say you just know the manual calls for an oil change every 300 miles. Now I just say yes please, thank you ma'am.

        2. PhilippePetain

          Yeah, god forbid the Wonkettz becomes a place where we discuss our conflicting feelings over the place of body image and in our yuppie lives. Fuck. Jezebel is the worst.

    1. Negropolis

      Oh, god. Peg Bundy LIBEL! That character had more character in her leopard-print blouse than Palin has and will ever have.

  7. elviouslyqueer

    Bless her heart, but it looks like Sarah desperately needs a GBFF.

    Oh, who am I kidding? Fuck this fetid hag with a botulism-encrusted cucumber.

  8. Estproph

    Wastin away in SarahPalinville
    Lookin for my lost publicity
    Some people claim that there's lieburulz to blame
    But I know I can get another $50000 out of those suckers easy

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Ellen Cherry Charles Libel!

      (When my friends and I finally grew out of our sophomoric "which Disney Princess would you like to bone" phase we graduated immediately to our "which Tom Robbins heroine would you like to bone" phase. A couple guys I was in a band with were so literate that we actually went through a "which Jane Austen heroine would you like to bone" phase; so you see, we were purty sofistikayted fellers.)

  9. mrblifil

    She must have total Zen mastery over her gag reflex, both for shutting it down and turning it on. Unlimited capacity both to ingest and disgorge. Sometimes all at once!

  10. skmind

    She's just getting in shape for her return to the singles scene post elections. Regardless of who wins, she has been discarded by the Republican Establishment as a retroactive has-been.

    Taaaawd will be moving on with his half before she spends it all on botox and lipo.

    1. Ruhe

      Your theory is plausible. There's many a wealthy old Republican who'd pay dearly for that. Once she dumps Todd she's free to pursue her real life-goal…being comfortable.

  11. LibertyLover

    Damn. And we could have had her as our second in command – representing this American Life. Seems like we really missed the boat there, guys.

    1. freddymcmurray

      but here you are doing it anyway. (sorry, i'm in a snark mood today… no offense intended)

    2. tessiee

      I agree with you in general, but I'm willing to overlook it under the circumstances, because $arah is such a worthless piece of shit.

  12. ElPinche

    Oooooooh a trashy & slutty GILF. Now she's down in my league…Pinche's garage parking level of booty.

  13. JackObin

    That photo just screams out "I'm an American loon." Cell phone, check. Ugly shoes, check. Poorly dressed, check. Fake tits, check. Bag 'o Wal Mart shit, check. The fact that this idiot was nearly president confirms this nation's insanity.

  14. CthuNHu

    A waste of space is a terrible thing to waste away — or not to have a waist at all. How true that is.

  15. YouBetcha

    Eh, she'll be fine. She's just feeling neglected now that the attention is on other people. The likelihood that any of this is due to the onset of anorexia at her age is virtually nonexistent. The clothes, the over-filled lips, the fuck-me-shoes, it's all just a cry for attention. She's not sick or starving.

  16. Lot_49

    Get a grip, people. Black has a bi-partisan slimming effect. She's still doable, if you're deaf.

  17. new_pic_for_NEWTer

    Wonketeers, she's in LA! Don't you get it She's pimping for a reality gig.
    Too skinny? – check. Bolt-ons? – check. Duck face? – check. Hooker shoes? – check.
    I'm guessing she's aiming for Realwhores of Wasilla or maybe Rockstar Ex-wives, not because it fits, but because it is the skankiest reality skeeze I've ever seen. So maybe it fits after all.

    1. Radiotherapy

      The difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull?

      Well, they both got fucked by black guys.

  18. Antispandex

    Any chance at all that she will just keep getting smaller and smaller and then, POOF! No more Wasillabilly ex-Governor?

    1. fatbob54

      Well, I'm guessing if she went poof what we'd be left with are the trashy clothes and a couple of sacks of saline.

  19. SorosBot

    And yet her breasts are still the same size; it's almost enough to make one suspect she was lying when she denied she had implants, but Sarah would never lie to us…

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      The only outfit those shoes do go with is one you'd only wear while turning tricks; under $50 category.

  20. obfuscator2

    i'm going to say her diet consists mainly of red bull, virginia slims, and that jamie lee curtis yogurt that makes you poop seven times a day.

  21. aussiefromafar

    Bitterness and anger are eating at her like those flesh eating bacteria. It's a wonder though those same bacteria don't gag and spit up their dinner.

  22. chascates

    Most PBS stations are airing the Frontline special 'The Choice: 2012' tonight, a two-hour examination of the two candidates and Newshour posted some clips about Obama losing to Bobby Rush, Romney losing to Ted Kennedy. Looks pretty interesting.

    1. sudsmckenzie

      But theres a Storage Wars on tonight that says "A trip to Inglewood CA, includes a unit with a Mattress". A Mattress!

    2. Negropolis

      I watched it, but most of it seemed like a retread, but maybe it's because I follow politics so closely.

      I didn't appreciate them blowing up Obama's drug use. I mean, I guess it worked into their angle of him as an aimless youth, but it seemed inappropriate the time they gave to it.

      1. chascates

        The Right will just assume the remaining Choom Gang members are in prison or dead.
        Can you imagine what it would be like to grow up like Mittens? Tons of money, fame, and adventure but you can't drink a Coke.

  23. Monsieur_Grumpe

    She is withering away. Soon all that will be left will be two boobs… that's one less than before.

  24. fatbob54

    One of the pics at the website is of her at the QuickyMart looking at a National Enquirer. You just know she's checking to see if she made that issue.

  25. neiltheblaze

    Sarah is just learning to live on less – a skill that will stand her in good stead when all the reality show producers finally figure out she doesn't really sell all that well.

  26. C_R_Eature

    You know, we shouldn't jump to an Eating Disorder conclusion. Perhaps she's made a vow to only eat what she can kill, with her considerable Alaskan resident hunting and fishing skills.

    That would make sense.

      1. C_R_Eature

        Heh, heh. Her political career, also.

        I'm just happy she's not crouching in the West Wing, eating our future.

      1. C_R_Eature

        Well, I Did Not Know That about good ol' Mark. That's a pretty deeply philosophical lifestyle choice.

        I like the arc of his culinary development, from killing and eating aquatic organisms to birds to hogs. At this rate we'll be watching news helo footage of his house surrounded by cop cars, with CSI unloading tarp-covered shapes from his Man-Sized Freezer.

        1. not that Dewey

          Does Occam have an Ice Pick, for when I need to assassinate my political enemies simply and expediently?

        1. Negropolis

          We try to leave Fox News on on the television when we leave, but even that doesn't seem to console her, poor thing.

  27. MrsConclusion

    Paul Rudnik said, years ago, that the iron rule in Hollywood was that, sooner or later, every woman ends up looking like Joan Collins. Proven!

  28. unclejeems

    Meh. A fifty-year-old housewife in LA or wherever. Why doesn't she move back to Alaska where her vote may actually count for something? Otherwise she's just one red drop in a sea of blue.

  29. jesus_vs_gojira

    Can we get back to more important topics like what the Romney campaign said about Obama's remarks about Romney's policy vis-à-vis Big Bird?

  30. ttommyunger

    Why isn't Tawd carrying her bags for her? Oh, right; he's prolly porking his sweet little Eskimo massage therapist. Ain't love grand?

  31. fuflans

    i wonder what that sweet lady from virginia would say about sarah p 'looking like a vice president'.

    wait. no actually don't wonder about that at all.

    1. tessiee

      Memaw would tell $arah that she needs to sit her narrow butt down in that there chair and eat her some barbecue, and some'a'them cakes we like, because she's lookin' right puny, and the menfolk like a li'l somethin' to hold on to, Hunny.

  32. Negropolis

    She looks like a boot-legged Shania Twain. Hating is hard, y'all.

    Okay, I feel dirty. This is tabloidy/trashy-type stuff.

    1. DemmeFatale

      Just think of "pallin' around with terrorists," "Real Americans," and Chick-Fil-A if you feel sad.

      I guess it's because I'm a bleeding heart liberal, but that photo makes me uncomfortable, too.
      (I keep refreshing the page, and hoping to see a new posting.)

  33. C_R_Eature

    Every time a Palin story gets posted to Wonkette, an Angel loses its TruckNutz.

    And a kitten dies.

    1. Crank_Tango

      One time I was on the bus next to a dude and he didn't realize it but you could totally see his copy of Bears magazine showing through the plastic. I imagine there is the exact same thing going on here, if we could just crop and enhance.

  34. tessiee

    Now, gosh darn it all to heck, you guys, I TOLD you that if you mentioned her name, you'd summon her like Beetlejuice!
    DIDN'T I tell you?
    $>: – O

  35. tessiee

    1985 called; they want their Flashdance off the shoulder look back.
    Also, 1965 and Mindy Miller called; they want their white lipstick back.

    1. Crank_Tango

      2003 let her borrow the shoulder thing, and it apologizes, didn't think she would wear it 9 years after it came back 20 years later.

  36. tessiee

    What the hell's the deal with that outfit?
    Is she wearing very low jeans, or very high leg warmers — or is that some kind of scarf or belt *over* her pants? I'm referring to the blue-gray whatever it is that reaches from mid-rib-cage to about six inches below waist level.
    I honestly can't figure it out.

  37. tessiee

    I'm not really a fan of Howard Stern, but looking at this picture, I can't help but be reminded of his feud with Sharon Stone, when he told her, "In five years, you'll be dried up like a Tootsie Roll in the desert".

  38. tessiee

    I was on line behind her, and she certainly seemed in one HELL of a hurry to buy her Sudafed and nail polish remover.

  39. pinkocommi

    Of course, mama grizzlies get really skinny after a long period of hibernation. However, Palin has gotten skinny, but failed to give us the delightful period where she is nowhere to be found for an extended period of time. I feel cheated.

      1. fishwharf

        I identify with her. I was raised in the Arctic and worked in commercial fishing for years. Bristol reminds me of my daughter. Sarah was in way over her head in the 2008 election. Like her, there have been times when I didn't even know the questions, much less the answers, but I did my best and muddled through. Politically, Sarah and I have little in common. I'm an atheist-commie who doesn't love America, but in spite of that I'm somewhat dismayed by the vitriol in this stream. Can't we all get along?

        1. Negropolis

          Can't we all get along?

          Sure. If she (and people like her) would let us. It's awfully hard to victimize a victimizer, ain't it?

  40. bobbert

    Editrix — this is the last post for the night? C'mon. Desiccated (except, remarkably, for the boobs) Sarah Palin is the last thing we have to comment on?

    Granted, Palin as a political figure deserves all the abuse we can possibly muster. And, personally, I don't have a big problem making fun of her looks, because she intentionally based so much of her appeal to voters on her looks (karma, y'all).

    But still, this is what we have to work with as the last post of the day — unflattering photos of an irrelevant former politician in a shopping center parking lot?

    1. Mumbletypeg

      I would agree, but.. look here at the long-absent wonk-commenters who've put in a word or three… american_mutt and Obfuscator and Tommcatt.. If at times I feel the current content is devolving into something less than worthy of my beloved wonkette, these guys remind me there are archives' galore to browse through until a new post arrives~

    1. Negropolis

      Surely, it is not a fitness book for office, because clearly she was never fit for public office.

  41. Detesticle

    Skeletor Go Shopping. Skeletor Like Shopping. Skeletor Buy DVDs. It Not Easy Being Skeletor. Skeletor No Like People Make Fun Of Skeletor. Skeletor Sad.

  42. Poindexter718

    The Brits have an awesome culinary term for grandmothers who wear clothes like that: Mutton dressed as lamb.

  43. BaldarTFlagass

    Has she had a total bottom-out moment yet, like Ewan McGregor and the dead-ceiling baby in Trainspotting?

  44. BaldarTFlagass

    If I had been required to guess four years ago, I would have went the other way and predicted she'd get all fat like that chick on Cheers.

    1. chascates

      You'd think Scientology would have figured out how to rid Ms. Alley of all of those body thetans.

  45. smashedinhat

    As much as I dislike Sarah Palin and others of her ideological bent I refuse to denigrate her physical appearance until she grows a fake penis like female hyenas.

  46. Redhead

    More faces of meth.

    Or maybe plastic surgery – if anyone can find a way to write if off as a business expense, it's snowbilly barbie.

  47. 69WideStance

    Smart phone ready in case she is confronted with 10 seconds of non-activity. Anorexia. Breast implants. No wonder so many Americans identify with her.

  48. Mumbletypeg

    On the other hand, I kind of like the 'haramaki' thing she's got going, it is something the Japanese have taken & gone rogue with as fashion and if Sarah remembers Alaska's cold climes at all anymore she likely appreciates the kidney-warming side benefit of these "cumberbunds"~

  49. prommie

    I don't have any sadz at all if she slowly melts away and dies of a wasting disease. With votes, of course. That fucker with the "you're all fired if you vote for Obama" letter too.

  50. BeefHardcake

    I can't make a comment about her weight, but man, she can't fucking dress herself to save her life. Everything about her just screams a total lack of class.

    Sorry, just no energy to be clever or snarky this morning.

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