QUITTIN' TIME  3:44 pm October 9, 2012

Insane, Crabby Lesbian Jack Welch Quits ‘Fortune’ Like A Little Bitch

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Scary MonstersHey remember last week? Probably not, it was last week. Well that was when the new jobs numbers came out, putting unemployment below 8 percent for the first time in President Afrika Bambaata’s presidency and destroying in one blow eight million Miffed Romney speeches about how B. Barry Bamz was too lazy to make jobs for people, and also food stamps or something probably too. WELL. You remember a small hullaballoo ensued, as fucking idiots like former GE king Jack Welch (and also Donald Trump, in case you were wondering if there was anything to it) started screaming and freaking out that Barry had COOKED THE BOOKS. Sadly, everybody then started asking if had Alzheimer’s like Ronald Reagan or something, because it was truly embarrassing. Now Jack Welch has huffed off from his prestige job spitting out nonsense at Fortune and CNN because they had no choice but to distance themselves from this crazy old man by writing many articles explaining that he was either a blithering idiot or had lost his freaking mind.

CNNMoney, which shares content with Fortune.com, ran a story on Friday covering Welch’s tweet. The piece said that even conservative economists thought Welch was wrong to question the jobs numbers. On Tuesday, Fortune.com ran a story detailing Welch’s record as a job destroyer. GE lost nearly 100,000 jobs during the 20 years in which Welch ran the company. “I never put myself out there as an employment agency,” Welch told Fortune.

That dude sounds like a fucking prince!

Following the story, Welch sent an e-mail to Reuters’ Steve Adler and Serwer saying that he and his wife Suzy, who have jointly written for Reuters and Fortune in the past, were “terminating our contract” and will no longer be sending our “material to Fortune.” Reuters’ story about Welch’s tweet quoted money manager and blogger Barry Ritholtz, who said Welch’s comments were laughable. Reuters wrote that Ritholtz comments were referring to allegations that Welch regularly manipulated GE’s earnings during his tenure as CEO in order to best Wall Street profit estimates.

Wait, did we say “prince”? Sorry, we meant “criminal.”

Fortune tried to contact Welch to find out if the resignation was related to our reporting of his tweet, but Welch didn’t return our phone call.

The best part of Fortune’s story on Jack Welch stomping off from their employ is this link they stuck in the middle, apropos of everything but not necessarily fitting into the particular flow of the story at that particular moment, just your normal nonsense SEO, like, “READ MORE: 15 Orangutans Who Wear Dresses” or whatever:

MORE: Obama trounces Jack Welch’s jobs record

Nobody leaves the family, Jack. Nobody.

[Fortune]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 99 comments }

EatsBabyDingos October 9, 2012 at 3:48 pm

He could always write for HuffPo about side boobs, since he is a boob on the side.

zumpie October 9, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Please, even Welch would be better, make more sense and be less wingnutty than Jon Ward

snowpointsecret October 9, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Too crazy for CNN? I'm not sure if to be mad at him or impressed.

Terry October 9, 2012 at 9:35 pm

He's Eric Cartman come to life.

x111e7thst October 9, 2012 at 3:49 pm

I would not trust this man with a pet poodle. Far less a large corporation.

gullywompr October 9, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Quitler!

One_who_wanders October 9, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Oh those tough conservatives.

SnarkOff October 9, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Luckily, he's eligible for unemployment benefits. Unless it was a freelance gig. In which case, tough luck, ol' Jack.

no_gravity October 9, 2012 at 3:49 pm

He was a dick to Jack Donaghy, too.

EatsBabyDingos October 9, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Maybe Jack is too busy posing for the next Gerber's label.

zumpie October 9, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Or entering a Montgomery Burns look a like contest

anniegetyerfun October 9, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Rug muncher libel!

Callyson October 9, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Welch said he will no longer contribute to Fortune following critical coverage of the former CEO of General Electric, saying he would get better "traction" elsewhere.

Here comes the newest FOX News commentator!

Lascauxcaveman October 9, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Jack Welch: still not old enough to know better.

DaSandman October 9, 2012 at 3:51 pm

He looks like a second level Batman man villain. Or Jerry Sandusky's new room mate..

weejee October 9, 2012 at 3:54 pm

And port in the storm?

ManchuCandidate October 9, 2012 at 3:52 pm

People who manipulated profit numbers and live in glass houses bought by a $420 million retirement "package" in large part because of said number manipulation shouldn't throw stones.

SayItWithWookies October 9, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Hey, everyone knows it's the mark of a respected businessman to respond to unexpected good news with inane, baseless conspiracy theories. And if that's wrong, then my name isn't Howard Hughes.

weejee October 9, 2012 at 3:55 pm

I think we've been spruce goosed.

Terry October 9, 2012 at 3:57 pm

We're starting to understand, however, why it is that the Republicans seem to think that businessmen are scaredy cats and idiots. People like Welch and Trump are their models.

zumpie October 9, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Or Donald Trump

ManchuCandidate October 9, 2012 at 4:08 pm

I collect my own urine, too, but I'm not rich. Does this make me a respected business man, too?

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Lemme see your nails.

Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Like you always said, Howard, the Mormons will fix all of this shit, and keep the Negroes from touching you.

schvitzatura October 11, 2012 at 11:00 am

And watch "Ice Station Zebra" in the nude…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-E0KGjJAx8

Lascauxcaveman October 9, 2012 at 3:53 pm

GE lost nearly 100,000 jobs during the 20 years in which Welch ran the company.

NOT true. Those jobs were not lost, but rather just shipped overseas to GE factories in Japan, then China, Mexico, Malaysia, Taiwan…

weejee October 9, 2012 at 4:14 pm

The feng shui of the Rmoney business model.

Boojum October 9, 2012 at 4:39 pm

I had a couple of cases against GE during that time. The sumbitch was all about getting employees who had "long runway" — i.e., young — to work there. They fired people every year in the most bullshit way and promptly replaced them with college grad trainees. Asshole. He should know about making up numbers.

Designer_Rants October 9, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Haha! Suck it, plutocracy. Those CEOs and Wall Streeters are such pansy bitches.

CommieLibunatic October 9, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Word. You know (or SHOULD know) you've fucked up when This American Life compares you to Ba'athists.

Ira Glass – And so how much whining and complaining are Wall Street guys doing about the federal government now? Like this guy, Stephen Schwarzman, is he an outlier?

Adam Davidson – My view is, he represents a much broader view, and he's one of a very few who have the guts and confidence to say that. It's something I have noticed. I cover Wall Street a lot. I talk to people who work on Wall Street– high level people, lower level people– a lot. And it's something that I have found sort of maddening. And if I can use an odious and ridiculous comparison, it reminds me a lot of Ba'athists in Iraq.

I – Ba'athists being Saddam Hussein's party. These are the people who made money, and were in power, when Saddam Hussein was running the country.

A – Yes, and I'm talking about high level Ba'athists that, when I when in Iraq after the war, the group that I found had the most self-pity, the most, ugh, how horrible my life is, nobody understands me, the world has just turned against me, were those people who had made a fortune through the evil and illegal activities of the Ba'athist regime that they were a part of. And it feels very similar when I'm talking to people on Wall Street– this self-pity combined with a total lack of self-reflection about how they had been such massive beneficiaries of a system that ended up being so bad for the country.

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Jack Welched.

Doktor Zoom October 9, 2012 at 3:55 pm

They sure do love them some almost-related links at the CNN/Fortune site.

MORE: 5 best conspiracy theories debunking the jobs report

I sure am glad we just embed our linkies in the text of the story, because that shit's distracting.

MORE: Wonkette blogger blatantly tries to inflate page views while not writing new stuff for most of this week because it's SAT-Scoring time again

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 10, 2012 at 2:30 am

Haw Haw Haw…SAT's, that's sociamalism. I attend Bob Jones and all weze haz to do is take the JCAT"s (Jesus Confederacy Acheivement Test)…every other answer is Jesus, some are Negras and otherz is spellin yer own name (no points fer gettin' that part right). You pink-o's really shuld git some bewk larnin'…

SoBeach October 9, 2012 at 3:55 pm

The Big Story here is: Corporate executives do NOT explain or defend themselves. It's their way or the highway. It's how they operate. Don't like it? Tough shit.

Now if only there were a way to somehow relate this insight to other issues and decisions facing America these days…

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Never explain, never complain.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 10, 2012 at 2:31 am

There is, oh there is…electing Republicans. Remember these are the people that if you ever think they are even the tiniest bit wrong will tell you to go fuck yourself. They are always talking about "strong leadership" which pretty much evokes what you wrote about corporate executives.

Terry October 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm

He's taking his material and he's going HOME

anniegetyerfun October 9, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Um, weird, I didn't meant to delete that.

SnarkOff October 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Jack Welch deleted it.

Mahousu October 9, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Please, he "rightsized" the comment.

LibertyLover October 9, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Romney must have deleted it retroactively.

mavenmaven October 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I bet I can predict who will soon have a regular column on World News Daily!

SnarkOff October 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Aw, Jack, I'm sorry. I've been there. These $1-a-word writing gigs are hard to come by.

Mumbletypeg October 9, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Bet he un-friended them on Facebook, too.

Jukesgrrl October 9, 2012 at 4:14 pm

He thinks a Facebook is something in his wife's make-up drawer.

PubOption October 9, 2012 at 3:57 pm

How much did he get as a golden parachute this time?

el_donaldo October 9, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Quittin' like a crooked bitch. There. Fixed.

UnholyMoses October 9, 2012 at 3:58 pm

'“I never put myself out there as an employment agency,” Welch told Fortune.

He's correct. I mean, it's not like it's a businesses job to employ people to make and/or do stuff they can then sell to other people, usually for a small profit.

Nope. It's a large corporations job to fire people so that its execs can get 7-figure bonuses and 9-figure retirement packages.

I learned as much in business school from Fortune magazine.

Radiotherapy October 9, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Insane crazy lesbian? I smell the new Wonkette Jr.!

zumpie October 9, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Wow, since he quit on these two, we know THOSe aren't the guys who bitch slapped him so freakin' hard he walked it all back yesterday. I still dying to figure THAT one out!

Goonemeritus October 9, 2012 at 4:03 pm

One again a CEO finds that outside his corporation people not in his employ are more likely to call you a dick when you are being a dick. In general I think being a CEO is the worst background to have for a POTUS.

SoBeach October 9, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Can't be upfisted enough.

BartStarrland October 9, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Concur.

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 12:32 am

If Occupy did nothing else, it disabused some middle-of-the-road folks of the notion that you need to give undue deference to CEOs just because they (pretend) run a corporation.

BlueStateLibel October 9, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Demented ogre stomps off into the sunset.

Chow Yun Flat October 9, 2012 at 4:05 pm

About time the capitalist crown prince is shown to be a vampire battening on the blood of workers. (Metaphors by MixMaster™)

UnholyMoses October 9, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Say what you want about Jack: at least he had the decency to quit.

He could be a spiteful loon like, say, David Siegel, a guy who owns a company that has never been more profitable, and who sent an email to all of his employees saying that he'd fire a bunch of them if America re-elected the guy who's been president during the the most profitable time in the company's history.

Wait.

The fuck?

Boojum October 9, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I'm thinking that, if Obama is elected, this fuck may find himself the subject of a lawsuit by anyone who thereafter gets laid off, particularly if said person is a registered Democrat or somewhat more melanin-capable than Mr. Siegel.

no_gravity October 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm

He's like the Ghost of Christmas Future if Romney gets elected.

mrpuma2u October 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Cooked his own ass with his stupid comment, and now he can't stand the heat so he is running away like an epic wuss.

Indiepalin October 9, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Is this the same guy who has New Mexico voting for Romney?

pinkocommi October 9, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Jack Welch seems to me to be mean, unlikeable and money-hungry, which makes him perfect as a spokeman for the Romney campaign.

Estproph October 9, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Doesn't this guy look like a Bond villain?

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 4:10 pm

I wouldn't give him that much credit for being diabolical. More like a Dick Tracy villain.

Tommmcatt_Again October 9, 2012 at 5:44 pm

More like a deflated basketball if you ask me.

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 12:33 am

Yeah…if you shrank him down and shriveled him up into a little ball.

He looks more like a little troll, like something straight out of Lord of the Rings, or something.

ifthethunderdontgetya October 9, 2012 at 4:10 pm

No mention of "neutron", as in Neutron Jack?

During the early 1980s he was dubbed "Neutron Jack" (in reference to the neutron bomb) for eliminating employees while leaving buildings intact. In Jack: Straight From The Gut, Welch states that GE had 411,000 employees at the end of 1980, and 299,000 at the end of 1985. Of the 112,000 who left the payroll, 37,000 were in businesses that GE sold, and 81,000 were reduced in continuing businesses. In return, GE had increased its market capital tremendously. Welch reduced basic research, and closed or sold off businesses that were under-performing.

You kids stay the FUCK OFFA MY LAWN.

/ never got over Six Sigma training

ManchuCandidate October 9, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Really hard too, especially the prefrontal lobotomy.

Oh right, that's MBA skule that does that. Six Sigma is drinking Jack Welch's LSD milkshake.

Come here a minute October 9, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Jack Welch saw the platform for the crazy train and said, "I want to go to there!"

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 12:34 am

Does the Crazy Train take you to Funky Town, or is that another service?

Toomush_Infer October 9, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Aw, leave poor Jack alone – he got Romnified….

An_Outhouse October 9, 2012 at 4:12 pm

what is with rich people that they worship money, don't want to pay taxes, but money isn't enough? send me ten grand and wonkette will never have to suffer through one of my comments again.

kyeshinka October 9, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Can't eat muff pie. Maybe he can eat Mitt pie.

Schmannnity October 9, 2012 at 4:16 pm

He quit just to drive up the unemployment number. Crazy as a fox.

Jukesgrrl October 9, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Hit in the head with a golf ball at some uber-exclusive resort?

mustangsavvy October 9, 2012 at 4:17 pm

"Welch regularly manipulated GE’s earnings during his tenure as CEO in order to best Wall Street profit estimates."

It's curious, no? The projection thing that Republicans almost always (i.e. 100% of the time) use on their opponents.

kittensdontlie October 9, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Oh great, he is free to be Romney's Labor Secretary.

Fox n Fiends October 9, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Conspiracy practitioners always make the best conspiracy theorists.

Gleem McShineys October 9, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Oh no, now the employment numbers are going to go down, because Jack has no job now!

fawkedifiknow October 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm

If Welch is a legend in his own mind (he is), it's a fading legend.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 9, 2012 at 4:31 pm

This Just In: Rich, Privileged White Man Has Thin Skin, Is Whiny Baby.

calliecallie October 9, 2012 at 4:37 pm

"…he was either a blithering idiot or had lost his freaking mind."

Or both.

GeorgiaBurning October 9, 2012 at 5:00 pm

That rubber ghoul mask must be awfully uncomfortable, Jack. Oh, sorry.

dmnolan October 9, 2012 at 11:12 pm

It's so tight it wrecked his voice box.

docterry6973 October 9, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Welch is a Legendary Management Genius and Titan of Industry, so he expects all of us to nod our heads vigorously no matter what he says.

Besides, if GE lost all those employees they must have been in tough times. I bet he took a big hit in the old paycheck during those struggles.

teebob2000 October 9, 2012 at 5:38 pm

"INSANE, CRABBY LESBIAN JACK WELCH" made me laugh harder than I have in a long time.

johnnyzhivago October 9, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Yeah, not an employment agency you fucking scumbag…. I had the good sense to leave before the part of RCA I worked for was closed/sold/destroyed. The day I quit they made the announcement they were closing in 6 months and our GM had the nerve to ask everyone to "act professionally and stay around until we no longer need you".

JackObin October 9, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Jack Welch is a flaming asshole. If this were a functioning democracy, he wouild have been tried for treason years ago for shipping thousands of jobs away. Instead, he got himself some fake white teeth, and continued his defense of slime like Wal Mart. People like him are far more destructive than any militant muslims.

Antispandex October 9, 2012 at 6:36 pm

I know him! Isn't he the guy with the cat named Mr. Bigglesworth?

DemmeFatale October 9, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Hey Jack!
Want to talk about conspiracies?
Let's start with CA gas prices.

glamourdammerung October 9, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Those mean old liberals, calling out Welch for his inability to back up his mouth and making him cry.

ccp1956 October 9, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Hey youngsters! Do a little internet search on Jack and his ex-wife Jane. The man has been a world class dooshbag for many, many years. Also Viagra- fer shure.

Barrelhse October 9, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Jack's off.

ttommyunger October 9, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Isn't Jack Welch dead? He sure looks like it.

dmnolan October 9, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Here's a direct quote from Mr. Titan of Industry: "…I don't to put words in the mouth of what I said last night, but…" He said this, in part, to keep Chris Matthews from slobbering on him. Didn't work.

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 12:36 am

What the hell is this old, used-up volleyball going on about, now?

Isyaignert October 10, 2012 at 12:37 am

Jack Fukkin' Welch invented job outsourcing. Time to STFU Jack before you become an even bigger @ssh*le than you already are. @ssh*le.

outragedcitizen October 10, 2012 at 1:01 pm

I am sure that Faux Nudes Bitness is more then eager to hire him.

VirtualDespot October 11, 2012 at 12:43 am

Hey – leave the lezbeens out of this! I've never met one THIS dickish – and I went to Antioch College for fuck's sake.

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