quittin' time

Insane, Crabby Lesbian Jack Welch Quits ‘Fortune’ Like A Little Bitch

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Scary MonstersHey remember last week? Probably not, it was last week. Well that was when the new jobs numbers came out, putting unemployment below 8 percent for the first time in President Afrika Bambaata’s presidency and destroying in one blow eight million Miffed Romney speeches about how B. Barry Bamz was too lazy to make jobs for people, and also food stamps or something probably too. WELL. You remember a small hullaballoo ensued, as fucking idiots like former GE king Jack Welch (and also Donald Trump, in case you were wondering if there was anything to it) started screaming and freaking out that Barry had COOKED THE BOOKS. Sadly, everybody then started asking if had Alzheimer’s like Ronald Reagan or something, because it was truly embarrassing. Now Jack Welch has huffed off from his prestige job spitting out nonsense at Fortune and CNN because they had no choice but to distance themselves from this crazy old man by writing many articles explaining that he was either a blithering idiot or had lost his freaking mind.

CNNMoney, which shares content with Fortune.com, ran a story on Friday covering Welch’s tweet. The piece said that even conservative economists thought Welch was wrong to question the jobs numbers. On Tuesday, Fortune.com ran a story detailing Welch’s record as a job destroyer. GE lost nearly 100,000 jobs during the 20 years in which Welch ran the company. “I never put myself out there as an employment agency,” Welch told Fortune.

That dude sounds like a fucking prince!

Following the story, Welch sent an e-mail to Reuters’ Steve Adler and Serwer saying that he and his wife Suzy, who have jointly written for Reuters and Fortune in the past, were “terminating our contract” and will no longer be sending our “material to Fortune.” Reuters’ story about Welch’s tweet quoted money manager and blogger Barry Ritholtz, who said Welch’s comments were laughable. Reuters wrote that Ritholtz comments were referring to allegations that Welch regularly manipulated GE’s earnings during his tenure as CEO in order to best Wall Street profit estimates.

Wait, did we say “prince”? Sorry, we meant “criminal.”

Fortune tried to contact Welch to find out if the resignation was related to our reporting of his tweet, but Welch didn’t return our phone call.

The best part of Fortune’s story on Jack Welch stomping off from their employ is this link they stuck in the middle, apropos of everything but not necessarily fitting into the particular flow of the story at that particular moment, just your normal nonsense SEO, like, “READ MORE: 15 Orangutans Who Wear Dresses” or whatever:

MORE: Obama trounces Jack Welch’s jobs record

Sponsored Intermission

Nobody leaves the family, Jack. Nobody.


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • EatsBabyDingos

    He could always write for HuffPo about side boobs, since he is a boob on the side.

    • zumpie

      Please, even Welch would be better, make more sense and be less wingnutty than Jon Ward

  • snowpointsecret

    Too crazy for CNN? I'm not sure if to be mad at him or impressed.

    • Terry

      He's Eric Cartman come to life.

  • x111e7thst

    I would not trust this man with a pet poodle. Far less a large corporation.

  • gullywompr


  • One_who_wanders

    Oh those tough conservatives.

    • SnarkOff

      Luckily, he's eligible for unemployment benefits. Unless it was a freelance gig. In which case, tough luck, ol' Jack.

  • no_gravity

    He was a dick to Jack Donaghy, too.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Maybe Jack is too busy posing for the next Gerber's label.

    • zumpie

      Or entering a Montgomery Burns look a like contest

  • anniegetyerfun

    Rug muncher libel!

  • Callyson

    Welch said he will no longer contribute to Fortune following critical coverage of the former CEO of General Electric, saying he would get better "traction" elsewhere.

    Here comes the newest FOX News commentator!

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Jack Welch: still not old enough to know better.

  • DaSandman

    He looks like a second level Batman man villain. Or Jerry Sandusky's new room mate..

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      And port in the storm?

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    People who manipulated profit numbers and live in glass houses bought by a $420 million retirement "package" in large part because of said number manipulation shouldn't throw stones.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Hey, everyone knows it's the mark of a respected businessman to respond to unexpected good news with inane, baseless conspiracy theories. And if that's wrong, then my name isn't Howard Hughes.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      I think we've been spruce goosed.

    • Terry

      We're starting to understand, however, why it is that the Republicans seem to think that businessmen are scaredy cats and idiots. People like Welch and Trump are their models.

    • zumpie

      Or Donald Trump

    • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      I collect my own urine, too, but I'm not rich. Does this make me a respected business man, too?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Lemme see your nails.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Like you always said, Howard, the Mormons will fix all of this shit, and keep the Negroes from touching you.

    • schvitzatura

      And watch "Ice Station Zebra" in the nude…


  • Lascauxcaveman

    GE lost nearly 100,000 jobs during the 20 years in which Welch ran the company.

    NOT true. Those jobs were not lost, but rather just shipped overseas to GE factories in Japan, then China, Mexico, Malaysia, Taiwan…

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      The feng shui of the Rmoney business model.

    • Boojum

      I had a couple of cases against GE during that time. The sumbitch was all about getting employees who had "long runway" — i.e., young — to work there. They fired people every year in the most bullshit way and promptly replaced them with college grad trainees. Asshole. He should know about making up numbers.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Haha! Suck it, plutocracy. Those CEOs and Wall Streeters are such pansy bitches.

    • CommieLibunatic

      Word. You know (or SHOULD know) you've fucked up when This American Life compares you to Ba'athists.

      Ira Glass – And so how much whining and complaining are Wall Street guys doing about the federal government now? Like this guy, Stephen Schwarzman, is he an outlier?

      Adam Davidson – My view is, he represents a much broader view, and he's one of a very few who have the guts and confidence to say that. It's something I have noticed. I cover Wall Street a lot. I talk to people who work on Wall Street– high level people, lower level people– a lot. And it's something that I have found sort of maddening. And if I can use an odious and ridiculous comparison, it reminds me a lot of Ba'athists in Iraq.

      I – Ba'athists being Saddam Hussein's party. These are the people who made money, and were in power, when Saddam Hussein was running the country.

      A – Yes, and I'm talking about high level Ba'athists that, when I when in Iraq after the war, the group that I found had the most self-pity, the most, ugh, how horrible my life is, nobody understands me, the world has just turned against me, were those people who had made a fortune through the evil and illegal activities of the Ba'athist regime that they were a part of. And it feels very similar when I'm talking to people on Wall Street– this self-pity combined with a total lack of self-reflection about how they had been such massive beneficiaries of a system that ended up being so bad for the country.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Jack Welched.

  • Doktor Zoom

    They sure do love them some almost-related links at the CNN/Fortune site.

    MORE: 5 best conspiracy theories debunking the jobs report

    I sure am glad we just embed our linkies in the text of the story, because that shit's distracting.

    MORE: Wonkette blogger blatantly tries to inflate page views while not writing new stuff for most of this week because it's SAT-Scoring time again

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Haw Haw Haw…SAT's, that's sociamalism. I attend Bob Jones and all weze haz to do is take the JCAT"s (Jesus Confederacy Acheivement Test)…every other answer is Jesus, some are Negras and otherz is spellin yer own name (no points fer gettin' that part right). You pink-o's really shuld git some bewk larnin'…

  • SoBeach

    The Big Story here is: Corporate executives do NOT explain or defend themselves. It's their way or the highway. It's how they operate. Don't like it? Tough shit.

    Now if only there were a way to somehow relate this insight to other issues and decisions facing America these days…

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Never explain, never complain.

    • Willardbot9000_V2.5

      There is, oh there is…electing Republicans. Remember these are the people that if you ever think they are even the tiniest bit wrong will tell you to go fuck yourself. They are always talking about "strong leadership" which pretty much evokes what you wrote about corporate executives.

  • Terry

    He's taking his material and he's going HOME

    • anniegetyerfun

      Um, weird, I didn't meant to delete that.

      • SnarkOff

        Jack Welch deleted it.

        • Mahousu

          Please, he "rightsized" the comment.

      • LibertyLover

        Romney must have deleted it retroactively.

  • mavenmaven

    I bet I can predict who will soon have a regular column on World News Daily!

  • SnarkOff

    Aw, Jack, I'm sorry. I've been there. These $1-a-word writing gigs are hard to come by.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Bet he un-friended them on Facebook, too.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      He thinks a Facebook is something in his wife's make-up drawer.

  • PubOption

    How much did he get as a golden parachute this time?

  • el_donaldo

    Quittin' like a crooked bitch. There. Fixed.

  • UnholyMoses

    '“I never put myself out there as an employment agency,” Welch told Fortune.

    He's correct. I mean, it's not like it's a businesses job to employ people to make and/or do stuff they can then sell to other people, usually for a small profit.

    Nope. It's a large corporations job to fire people so that its execs can get 7-figure bonuses and 9-figure retirement packages.

    I learned as much in business school from Fortune magazine.

  • Radiotherapy

    Insane crazy lesbian? I smell the new Wonkette Jr.!

  • zumpie

    Wow, since he quit on these two, we know THOSe aren't the guys who bitch slapped him so freakin' hard he walked it all back yesterday. I still dying to figure THAT one out!

  • Goonemeritus

    One again a CEO finds that outside his corporation people not in his employ are more likely to call you a dick when you are being a dick. In general I think being a CEO is the worst background to have for a POTUS.

    • SoBeach

      Can't be upfisted enough.

    • BartStarrland


    • Negropolis

      If Occupy did nothing else, it disabused some middle-of-the-road folks of the notion that you need to give undue deference to CEOs just because they (pretend) run a corporation.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Demented ogre stomps off into the sunset.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    About time the capitalist crown prince is shown to be a vampire battening on the blood of workers. (Metaphors by MixMaster™)

  • UnholyMoses

    Say what you want about Jack: at least he had the decency to quit.

    He could be a spiteful loon like, say, David Siegel, a guy who owns a company that has never been more profitable, and who sent an email to all of his employees saying that he'd fire a bunch of them if America re-elected the guy who's been president during the the most profitable time in the company's history.


    The fuck?

    • Boojum

      I'm thinking that, if Obama is elected, this fuck may find himself the subject of a lawsuit by anyone who thereafter gets laid off, particularly if said person is a registered Democrat or somewhat more melanin-capable than Mr. Siegel.

  • no_gravity

    He's like the Ghost of Christmas Future if Romney gets elected.

  • mrpuma2u

    Cooked his own ass with his stupid comment, and now he can't stand the heat so he is running away like an epic wuss.

  • Indiepalin

    Is this the same guy who has New Mexico voting for Romney?

  • pinkocommi

    Jack Welch seems to me to be mean, unlikeable and money-hungry, which makes him perfect as a spokeman for the Romney campaign.

  • Estproph

    Doesn't this guy look like a Bond villain?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I wouldn't give him that much credit for being diabolical. More like a Dick Tracy villain.

    • Tommmcatt_Again

      More like a deflated basketball if you ask me.

    • Negropolis

      Yeah…if you shrank him down and shriveled him up into a little ball.

      He looks more like a little troll, like something straight out of Lord of the Rings, or something.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    No mention of "neutron", as in Neutron Jack?

    During the early 1980s he was dubbed "Neutron Jack" (in reference to the neutron bomb) for eliminating employees while leaving buildings intact. In Jack: Straight From The Gut, Welch states that GE had 411,000 employees at the end of 1980, and 299,000 at the end of 1985. Of the 112,000 who left the payroll, 37,000 were in businesses that GE sold, and 81,000 were reduced in continuing businesses. In return, GE had increased its market capital tremendously. Welch reduced basic research, and closed or sold off businesses that were under-performing.

    You kids stay the FUCK OFFA MY LAWN.

    / never got over Six Sigma training

    • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Really hard too, especially the prefrontal lobotomy.

      Oh right, that's MBA skule that does that. Six Sigma is drinking Jack Welch's LSD milkshake.

  • Come here a minute

    Jack Welch saw the platform for the crazy train and said, "I want to go to there!"

    • Negropolis

      Does the Crazy Train take you to Funky Town, or is that another service?

  • Toomush_Infer

    Aw, leave poor Jack alone – he got Romnified….

  • An_Outhouse

    what is with rich people that they worship money, don't want to pay taxes, but money isn't enough? send me ten grand and wonkette will never have to suffer through one of my comments again.

  • kyeshinka

    Can't eat muff pie. Maybe he can eat Mitt pie.

  • Schmannnity

    He quit just to drive up the unemployment number. Crazy as a fox.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Hit in the head with a golf ball at some uber-exclusive resort?

  • mustangsavvy

    "Welch regularly manipulated GE’s earnings during his tenure as CEO in order to best Wall Street profit estimates."

    It's curious, no? The projection thing that Republicans almost always (i.e. 100% of the time) use on their opponents.

  • kittensdontlie

    Oh great, he is free to be Romney's Labor Secretary.

  • Fox n Fiends

    Conspiracy practitioners always make the best conspiracy theorists.

  • Gleem McShineys

    Oh no, now the employment numbers are going to go down, because Jack has no job now!

  • fawkedifiknow

    If Welch is a legend in his own mind (he is), it's a fading legend.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    This Just In: Rich, Privileged White Man Has Thin Skin, Is Whiny Baby.

  • calliecallie

    "…he was either a blithering idiot or had lost his freaking mind."

    Or both.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    That rubber ghoul mask must be awfully uncomfortable, Jack. Oh, sorry.

    • dmnolan

      It's so tight it wrecked his voice box.

  • docterry6973

    Welch is a Legendary Management Genius and Titan of Industry, so he expects all of us to nod our heads vigorously no matter what he says.

    Besides, if GE lost all those employees they must have been in tough times. I bet he took a big hit in the old paycheck during those struggles.

  • teebob2000

    "INSANE, CRABBY LESBIAN JACK WELCH" made me laugh harder than I have in a long time.

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Yeah, not an employment agency you fucking scumbag…. I had the good sense to leave before the part of RCA I worked for was closed/sold/destroyed. The day I quit they made the announcement they were closing in 6 months and our GM had the nerve to ask everyone to "act professionally and stay around until we no longer need you".

  • JackObin

    Jack Welch is a flaming asshole. If this were a functioning democracy, he wouild have been tried for treason years ago for shipping thousands of jobs away. Instead, he got himself some fake white teeth, and continued his defense of slime like Wal Mart. People like him are far more destructive than any militant muslims.

  • Antispandex

    I know him! Isn't he the guy with the cat named Mr. Bigglesworth?

  • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

    Hey Jack!
    Want to talk about conspiracies?
    Let's start with CA gas prices.

  • glamourdammerung

    Those mean old liberals, calling out Welch for his inability to back up his mouth and making him cry.

  • ccp1956

    Hey youngsters! Do a little internet search on Jack and his ex-wife Jane. The man has been a world class dooshbag for many, many years. Also Viagra- fer shure.

  • Barrelhse

    Jack's off.

  • ttommyunger

    Isn't Jack Welch dead? He sure looks like it.

  • dmnolan

    Here's a direct quote from Mr. Titan of Industry: "…I don't to put words in the mouth of what I said last night, but…" He said this, in part, to keep Chris Matthews from slobbering on him. Didn't work.

  • Negropolis

    What the hell is this old, used-up volleyball going on about, now?

  • Isyaignert

    Jack Fukkin' Welch invented job outsourcing. Time to STFU Jack before you become an even bigger @ssh*le than you already are. @ssh*le.

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    I am sure that Faux Nudes Bitness is more then eager to hire him.

  • VirtualDespot

    Hey – leave the lezbeens out of this! I've never met one THIS dickish – and I went to Antioch College for fuck's sake.