MAPOCALYPSE NOW  3:10 pm October 9, 2012

Fox News Starting To Get A Wee Bit Cocky

by Josh Fruhlinger

Seems legitHere is a map from an “election forecasting model” that the Fox News sent out to America, and your Editrix found it on the Twitter and shared it in the Secret Wonkette Chat Room, for panic-laughs. But seriously, Fox News, try to be a bit more realistic! All of us who have been frantically refreshing Nate Silver’s Math and Numbers Emporium for succor know that there’s no way that Obama loses Pennsylvania and Minnesota but wins Nevada. Ain’t gonna happen! But we have a more likely map to flip out about, after the jump!

MAPAGEDDON

There you go, there’s a map that actually conforms to a realistic if pessimistic version of Nate’s current numbers and ends in an exact 269-269 tie, which, you know what that means: contingent election in the House of Representatives! Get ready for mass protests, politicians screaming at each other for months, John Boehner weeping openly, etc. Fun! [270 To Win is awesome if you like maps, and freaking yourself out]

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 143 comments }

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Needs moar blue

GOTV!

Mittens Howell, III October 9, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Get off TV?

but …

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Well, that would be blue, yes.

Callyson October 9, 2012 at 3:58 pm

The revolution will not be televised.

Isyaignert October 9, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I am going to spend the afternoon leafleting a local precinct for the Dems right after lunch. I have registered some neighbors to vote and told my young adult son that he's out of the Will if he doesn't vote for Obama.

Vote for OBAMA and ALL downticket DEMS 2012!

Callyson October 9, 2012 at 3:58 pm

A cheerful upfist for you!

Blueb4sinrise October 9, 2012 at 4:05 pm

wha?

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 12:47 am

GOTV or GTFO.

I can't believe no one did that before me.

sbj1964 October 9, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I sense Dick Morris created this map.

Not_So_Much October 9, 2012 at 3:22 pm

You felt like someone was sucking your toe?

Mittens Howell, III October 9, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Tinkerbell's polling system is VERY rigorous.

johnnyzhivago October 9, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Time to just split into five countries: Jesusland, Pacifica, The Empire Nation State, The Great Lake Nation and New Mexico.

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Liberaland and Flyoveria.

johnnyzhivago October 9, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Obamia with it's capitol in Chicago?

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 3:22 pm

The island nation of Obamia, you mean.

Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I'm all about steppin' on yer fun today: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesusland_map

Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Been there, hyped the book about that: http://www.amazon.com/American-Nations-History-Re

EDIT: Also an earlier book from 1981, I knew I remembered seeing it! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nine_Nations_of_Nort

Dr_Zoidberg October 9, 2012 at 3:29 pm

East Coast Capitalistic Dictatorship, First Sex Confederacy, God's Country, Wonderland, Lone Star Republic, New England Federation, Mexican Territory, Real America, and Florida.

Now, where's Martha Washington when we need her?

kyeshinka October 9, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Hold on there. There's a New Mexico?

iamrrm October 9, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Does that make Illinois the limp dick of The Great Lake Nation?

johnnyzhivago October 9, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I offer my resume as Minister of Internet & Railways to the Great Nation of Pennyorkchusettes

RufusTFirefly October 10, 2012 at 12:10 am

Accepted. But Pennsyltucky has got to go.

jdrbassgtr October 9, 2012 at 8:14 pm

New Mexico is definitely in its own headspace…

PennyDreadful October 9, 2012 at 11:58 pm

There's a NEW Mexico?

Antispandex October 9, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Well, I have a map too, that I got from the Auto Club, and it doesn't look anything like that. MUCH more color. Do we vote now?

Mittens Howell, III October 9, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Andrew Sullivan just set his beard on fire.

johnnyzhivago October 9, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Sully is unhinged lately…. Also kinda pissed that once again I lost his contest by a window.

Pat_Pending October 10, 2012 at 12:58 am

Who is she?

Stevola October 10, 2012 at 1:27 am

Beat me to it

Joshua Norton October 9, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Red State Geography Class: Covers your state and the states that touch you, in case they attack. All the rest is Europe which is where the gays are made.

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Show us on the map where the blue state touched you.

Dr_pangloss October 9, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Red States all adher to BIBLICAL MARRIAGE! We Would Never let a Blue State Touch.. oh hello blue.. (psst I'm in room #412, knock three times, the password is "Orgy") NEVER EVER TOUCH A BLUE STATE!!

Mittens Howell, III October 9, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Mitt's tips Amercia like a drunken frat boy tipping a dumb cow? We make it up, you … whatever

One_Man_Band October 9, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Well, I did finally see a Romney/Ryan bumper sticker the other day. I guess Republicans across the land are now half-heartedly peeling the backing off of those and placing them in a prominent area of the bumper, just above the truck nutz.

BerkeleyBear October 9, 2012 at 5:11 pm

I've noticed a few in the last week in a blue state.

LePiston October 9, 2012 at 7:28 pm

I've been seeing them in *gasp* the Bay Area! It's usually on a car being driven by an old, though.

Yellerdawg October 10, 2012 at 11:19 am

I live in the reddest county in the reddest state of the U of S and I see VERY few Romney/Ryan signs. Just saw the first large one yesterday alongside some local race signs. Some small yard signs, but not many. Until recently, as in the last month or so, one of my neighbors had a 6X6 homemade sign suspended from tree in their yard touting Palin for president and Bachmann for vice president. They were the neighborhood progressives 'cause both were women.

savethispatient October 9, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Fantasy land! Lets all just go out and take a breath of fresh air for a tick… And as for that tied map, I'm not convinced that Colorado is more likely to be a Romney win than New Mexico, surely it's more likely to be the other way round, in which case OBAMA STILL WINS.

savethispatient October 9, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Oh, apparently not.. Never mind, the sky is falling! The sky is falling!

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 9, 2012 at 3:38 pm

It's not going to be that close…these fucking wingnut primates are schmoking poles as usual and of course the dumbass liberal media is doing its usual. I wanted to strangle 2/3rds of MSNBC after that debate and yell "talk about facts you fucking idiots!"…Rachel Maddow lost a lot of respect on that one, too. The only person who was THE LEAST bit interested in talking about substance was Al Sharpton. Oh sure, Romney lied and lied and lied some more but did you see him make eye contact? fucking imbeciles…anyway, it's not going to be that close, I seriously doubt it.

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 12:50 am

New Mexico is very hispanic and much poorer (is it still the poorest state in the nation?). It'd most definitely fall later than Colorado would. Colorado is definitely trending our way, but it's not as reliably blue as New Mexico has become.

YouBetcha October 9, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Good. Let's hope this scares the liberals and the Medicare-loving olds into showing up and voting. Obama supporters are too complacent.

Mittens Howell, III October 9, 2012 at 3:18 pm

The blue island thingies next to Alaska–that's Kenya, right?

Jus_Wonderin October 9, 2012 at 3:19 pm

If you say something enough, people will begin to believe it. Such as Mitt Romney is NOT a liar.

LastGasp October 9, 2012 at 3:19 pm

And yet, the Ron Paul camp has a map that shows he'll win in November…

deanbooth October 9, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Am I blue
Am I blue
Ain't these tears in my eyes tellin' you
Am I blue
You would be too
If your plans with your man
Done fell through
There was a time
I was the only one
And now I'm the sad and lonely one, lonely, lonely
Was I gay, until today
Now he's gone and we're through
Am I blue

1stNewtontheMoon October 9, 2012 at 3:20 pm

To be fair Fox News polled the Republican Party Chair of each state, and Mitt squeaked out a victory based on the above map.

coolhandnuke October 9, 2012 at 3:20 pm

I looked and I looked really hard, but i can't find Glennbeckistan, Werefucklandia, Northshitstain, and Nannystate anywhere on this map.

mrpuma2u October 9, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Redneckistan and Freedumbdonia are missing too.

Jus_Wonderin October 9, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Though it is not correctly labeled, Wannakeepmygovermentstuffandyoucannothavenoshitstan is clearly marked in red.

HempDogbane October 9, 2012 at 3:20 pm

VP T-Paw tipped Minnesota into the red !

mirrorballdc October 9, 2012 at 3:20 pm

I shall attack from Kamchatka

delaney_blom October 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Though I have 100 armies, I choose to roll only one defensive die.

red_kira October 9, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Democrats everywhere wee themselves, lavishly and in unison. (Thanks, Bill Bryson!)

kyeshinka October 9, 2012 at 3:23 pm

He came from Des Moines. Somebody had to.

snowpointsecret October 9, 2012 at 3:22 pm

So red is "we have no idea what we're doing" and blue is "we really have no idea what we're doing", right?

tbogg October 9, 2012 at 3:22 pm

I hate it when America's wang is red and inflamed.

Dudleydidwrong October 9, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Is that what the eddie ator meant when he wrote about someone biting a "wee cock"? Sorta describes Florida, though.

vtxmcrider October 9, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Red and inflamed dicks offer nothing but an angry and vindictive fuck.

Mittens Howell, III October 9, 2012 at 3:23 pm

The big red blob looks like a mugger holding a gun.

Not_So_Much October 9, 2012 at 3:23 pm

What about the Moonbase? Will Emperor Newt demand it be painted Red?

SnarkOff October 9, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Needz moar hanging chads.

ChrisM2011 October 9, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Looks slightly… Skewed.

Gratuitous World October 9, 2012 at 3:24 pm

this just in: FN calls Canada for Romney.

DaSandman October 9, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Mittens has a week without fuckups and everyone runs around like Chicken Little about to get hit by an asteroid. He was lucky, even a blind pig finds an acorn every once in awhile.

Barry just be warming up…he was a little busy last time with his gig, you know… RUNNIN' THE WORLD.

Mittens gonna get some Bid Laden level heat this week.

Breathe,motherfuckers, breathe.

zumpie October 9, 2012 at 3:50 pm

I wouldn't even say it's been a week. His foreign policy speech was panned yesterday, his walking back the 47% comments 17 days showed him to be the flip flopper we all know and love. Not to mention his family having to protect him and his circuit board from possible overload.

Plus Munster threw a hissy fit yesterday and held a NO CAMERAS ALLOWED fundraiser. Cause, you know, everyone really digs all their secrecy and stuff.

fuflans October 9, 2012 at 4:20 pm

was that speech panned? i didn't really hear that.

i mean, I panned it, but i've been hearing nothing but wall to wall pro romney coverage (on npr) so it's hard to tel.

zumpie October 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm

No, they did. Including Republicans and military types. At best they thought it was same old, same old and asked how did it differ from any other foreign policy speech.

The only person I've seen praise it was SE Cupp. The same moron who runs around asking if Bams made a mistake in picking Handsome Joe in 2008. You know, when they won and stuff.

BlueMonkeh October 9, 2012 at 3:25 pm

That's it! CD-2 in Nebraska will be the savior of the nation if we can keep it blue (like in 2008) and toss that vote from R-Money to Obama. Don't worry guyz, we're on it!

SayItWithWookies October 9, 2012 at 3:27 pm

You know who else had unrealistic expectations of victory late in the game?

Mumbletypeg October 9, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Rafalca?

snowpointsecret October 9, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Greg Schiano?

Crank_Tango October 9, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Jerry Sandusky?

kyeshinka October 9, 2012 at 3:34 pm

von Ribbentrop?

Mumbletypeg October 9, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Harold Camping?

Mittaplasia October 9, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Christianists in the coliseum on game day?

CindynEncinitas October 9, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Lindsey Jacobellis.

mrpuma2u October 9, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Emperor Palpatine?

AutomaticPilot October 9, 2012 at 3:49 pm

The Buffalo Bills, in every game?

UnholyMoses October 9, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Every team from Kansas City that doesn't play soccer … ?

UnholyMoses October 9, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Al Gore

SpeedoFart October 9, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Dewey?

Mumbletypeg October 9, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Dewey

Depends, on which one?

Sharkey October 9, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Suzanne Stone?

TheGyrus October 9, 2012 at 4:04 pm

The Nationals?

delaney_blom October 9, 2012 at 4:10 pm

The 2007-2008 New England Patriots

MosesInvests October 9, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Baghdad Bob?

LibertyLover October 9, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Reagan? ( i mean if we are freaking out and all…)

Stevola October 10, 2012 at 1:34 am

The Phillies?

Oblios_Cap October 9, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Congratualtions corporate Media! You are serving your masters well and faithfully.

As far as actually doing your job and serving the rest of us, not so much.

Estproph October 9, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I would never have thought there were that many nosepickers in the country.

zumpie October 9, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Don't you mean NOOSEPICKERS???

EatsBabyDingos October 9, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Transvaginal Virginia. Its always about Transvaginal Virginia.

EatsBabyDingos October 9, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Good to see DC has finally been towed 200 miles east of Nags Head. It'll be a shorter drive on Saturdays in July.

Doktor Zoom October 9, 2012 at 3:31 pm

This can't be a Fox News map. It has the state borders accurately drawn and labelled.

anniegetyerfun October 9, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Totals also don't add up to more than 100%.

delaney_blom October 9, 2012 at 4:11 pm

You think it's easy to sum to 100 using only two significant digits?

Allmighty_Manos October 9, 2012 at 3:31 pm

No fucking way Romney's winning Nevada. Too many very organized union members and Latinos. Hooray!

Designer_Rants October 9, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Oh, Fox. What a bunch of li'l scamps!

anniegetyerfun October 9, 2012 at 3:45 pm

You misspelled "skanks".

Mittaplasia October 9, 2012 at 10:32 pm

You over-spelled "scams".

Dudleydidwrong October 9, 2012 at 3:35 pm

"Election forecasting model projects Romney Win" Faux Nudes
"It ain't over 'til its over" Yogi Berra
"Faux Nudes a wee bit cocky" Wonkette
"OK! OK! I understand. Time to get my track shoes on" Barry O
"We have awakened a sleeping giant and have instilled in him a terrible resolve" Isoroku Yamamoto (attributed)

"WE HOPE!" All of us

Goonemeritus October 9, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I just consulted some fresh bird entrails and they totally refute Fox’s predictions. You can say what you want about the old ways but you can’t accuse them of being overtly partisan.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm

It wasn't Big Bird was it?

weejee October 9, 2012 at 3:36 pm

God Silver has Bamz at almost 75% to win. So too, does my bookie. 270-to-win needz to use both their fingers and their toes to do their counting.

Faux Newz doesn't count for shit. Their arithmetic skills are also lacking.

zumpie October 9, 2012 at 4:33 pm

270 to win actually shows Bams at 95% likely, with a less than 1% chance at a tie.

weejee October 9, 2012 at 5:33 pm

On the map our Editrix just clicked some clickies to get a "user generated" 269-269 hello Mr. Boner tie. That said, 270's 95% odds appear to be the result from them smoking vast amounts of some seriously optimystical weed.

zumpie October 9, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Actually, I think Faux was being generous. Under their logic Bams would only carry NY and CA. Oh and HI, because according to my FIL who retired there, it's full of lazy moochers, sucking on the gubmint teat. But that doesn't include him OR his medicare! That said, Mittens is gonna take NM, which polls stronger for Obama than MY state (OR) does? Not freakin' likely.

Also, too: WONKETTE!!!!!!!!! All these Dem pussies here are already shitting the bed daily from one, whole, entire, bad debate performance and some outlier polls. You really SHOULD tell them that 270 to Win gives Obama a 95% chance of winning and puts an electoral tie at less than 1%

bikerlaureate October 9, 2012 at 3:42 pm

It's just that the words "Governor Romney Will Win" are so upsetting.
Hold me…

zumpie October 9, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Don't cry, mommy's here.

lulzmonger October 9, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Good to see the paint-chips are kicking in at FOX-HQ.

Now we need to get Gretchen & the lads to lick some Colorado River toads right before the polls close on election day, & let the infotainment commence!

mustangsavvy October 9, 2012 at 3:41 pm

The horror, the horror!

snowpointsecret October 9, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Actually as I look closer at this map I'm getting highly confused. Minnesota isn't even close… If you're going to make a really crazy pick why not Oregon? Or maybe Michigan?

Or, you could stick with reality and have Obama leading but it's Fox News.

cheetojeebus October 9, 2012 at 3:43 pm

"I've been kissed by dogs, been bit by dogs, I've been me"
Roger Ailes

Maman October 9, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I am impressed that the FOX folks managed to color within the lines.

Beach_Bubba_Tex October 9, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I guess the Mayans were right.

CindynEncinitas October 9, 2012 at 3:50 pm

All they need to do is get it close, then they start cheating, taking the voting boxes home, fucking around with the chads, posting INS agents at the polling places where there's Metsicans, calling in favors from the Supremes, you know the routine…

Gleem McShineys October 9, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Did Karl Rove loan them The Math to figure out this map?

cousinitt October 9, 2012 at 5:58 pm

No, he loaned them the Meth, the Meth to figgur it out.

Mittaplasia October 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm

People will actually vote for a zombie-baptizing culty warmongering vulture capitalist ROBOT just because he ISN'T the black guy, and you tell me not to worry? I wanna' be sedated!

BeefHardcake October 9, 2012 at 4:03 pm

I attack with my unit in Greenland.

ChickTract_Fil_A October 9, 2012 at 4:05 pm

My back yard better show up in blue on that map.

voodooeconomics October 9, 2012 at 4:13 pm

In the Parallel Universe Mitt Romney will defeat John McCain and assume this here Estados Unidos..you can see by the map that John Blue has no chance

voodooeconomics October 9, 2012 at 4:14 pm

When Nate says so, then it is..

DahBoner October 9, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Obama's Rope-a-Dope strategy seems to be working out quite well on Those People…

fuflans October 9, 2012 at 4:36 pm

speaking as a newly unemployed person, i for one can't wait for that job president romney will give me on nov 7.

Esteev October 9, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Polls matter again! Shit, I am so confused… about the polls. Definitely about the polls.

Gleem McShineys October 9, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Wow, that's awesome! I love alternate history stories. In this one, "Romney" is what, George Romney, his likeable father, instead of a douchemonster?

Cool story, bro.

BerkeleyBear October 9, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Seriously, can we stop the sky is falling meme? I know it is conforming to both Dem and GOP bias to have the Dem as a weak, unable to fight back loser, but this is Barry O we are talking about. He's got 2 more debates, good job numbers and a much better ground organization. Plus, we've already got evidence that the debate bump was washed out by the jobs numbers from Friday, meaning that is was (exactly as predicted by everyone not paid to have a controversial race) not a game changer.

Chill the fuck out – he's got this (but do GOTV efforts, they matter).

Beowoof October 9, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Thanks, now I feel obligated to Bamz more $. Hoping to stem the bleeding of red all over the map.

And what's this about a secret Wonkette Chatroom?

Isyaignert October 9, 2012 at 7:38 pm

I think the secert chatroom is where the writers and Editrix confer.

Stevola October 10, 2012 at 1:40 am

It's a quiet room

VinnieSaltine October 9, 2012 at 6:46 pm

I have a fun map, too! It's a map of which states received more in federal spending than they contributed in federal tax dollars. Suprise, Surprise…the majority of states that receive more Federal Monies are those commie socialist red states!
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/ezra-klein/mapst

LibrarianX October 9, 2012 at 7:27 pm

I love how they hang onto the words NEWS. It's adorable.

aussiefromafar October 9, 2012 at 6:41 pm

All that red is like a bad rash spreading across the country….

fatbob54 October 9, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Sombody stabbed Mercia in its stomach and it's bleeding.

randcoolcatdaddy October 9, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Red Commies!

ttommyunger October 9, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Well, this certainly settles the matter once and for all.

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 1:03 am

Can we just start calling "Mormon Mitt" from here until November and just sew this thing up, already? I mean, if they are going to keep on with the "did we mention the president is black" thing, maybe it's time to play hardball.

The only thing I'm worried about is not that we're losing, but that we're not putting this thing away decisively enough. Mr. 46% shouldn't even be considered as a legitimate option.

Stevola October 10, 2012 at 1:38 am

Fox commentators have wee cocks.

MUHAMMED_PBUH October 10, 2012 at 8:13 am

Love how Fox News always calls him "Governor" Romney.

fitley October 10, 2012 at 8:49 pm

That map smells like Brian Kilmeade.

Peoria Chiropractor October 13, 2012 at 2:22 pm

I totally agree with Mittens Howell

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