mapocalypse now

Fox News Starting To Get A Wee Bit Cocky

Seems legitHere is a map from an “election forecasting model” that the Fox News sent out to America, and your Editrix found it on the Twitter and shared it in the Secret Wonkette Chat Room, for panic-laughs. But seriously, Fox News, try to be a bit more realistic! All of us who have been frantically refreshing Nate Silver’s Math and Numbers Emporium for succor know that there’s no way that Obama loses Pennsylvania and Minnesota but wins Nevada. Ain’t gonna happen! But we have a more likely map to flip out about, after the jump!

MAPAGEDDON

There you go, there’s a map that actually conforms to a realistic if pessimistic version of Nate’s current numbers and ends in an exact 269-269 tie, which, you know what that means: contingent election in the House of Representatives! Get ready for mass protests, politicians screaming at each other for months, John Boehner weeping openly, etc. Fun! [270 To Win is awesome if you like maps, and freaking yourself out]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger
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143 comments

    1. Isyaignert

      I am going to spend the afternoon leafleting a local precinct for the Dems right after lunch. I have registered some neighbors to vote and told my young adult son that he's out of the Will if he doesn't vote for Obama.

      Vote for OBAMA and ALL downticket DEMS 2012!

    1. Dr_Zoidberg

      East Coast Capitalistic Dictatorship, First Sex Confederacy, God's Country, Wonderland, Lone Star Republic, New England Federation, Mexican Territory, Real America, and Florida.

      Now, where's Martha Washington when we need her?

  1. Antispandex

    Well, I have a map too, that I got from the Auto Club, and it doesn't look anything like that. MUCH more color. Do we vote now?

  2. Joshua Norton

    Red State Geography Class: Covers your state and the states that touch you, in case they attack. All the rest is Europe which is where the gays are made.

      1. Dr_pangloss

        Red States all adher to BIBLICAL MARRIAGE! We Would Never let a Blue State Touch.. oh hello blue.. (psst I'm in room #412, knock three times, the password is "Orgy") NEVER EVER TOUCH A BLUE STATE!!

  3. Mittens Howell, III

    Mitt's tips Amercia like a drunken frat boy tipping a dumb cow? We make it up, you … whatever

  4. One_Man_Band

    Well, I did finally see a Romney/Ryan bumper sticker the other day. I guess Republicans across the land are now half-heartedly peeling the backing off of those and placing them in a prominent area of the bumper, just above the truck nutz.

      1. LePiston

        I've been seeing them in *gasp* the Bay Area! It's usually on a car being driven by an old, though.

    1. Yellerdawg

      I live in the reddest county in the reddest state of the U of S and I see VERY few Romney/Ryan signs. Just saw the first large one yesterday alongside some local race signs. Some small yard signs, but not many. Until recently, as in the last month or so, one of my neighbors had a 6X6 homemade sign suspended from tree in their yard touting Palin for president and Bachmann for vice president. They were the neighborhood progressives 'cause both were women.

  5. savethispatient

    Fantasy land! Lets all just go out and take a breath of fresh air for a tick… And as for that tied map, I'm not convinced that Colorado is more likely to be a Romney win than New Mexico, surely it's more likely to be the other way round, in which case OBAMA STILL WINS.

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      It's not going to be that close…these fucking wingnut primates are schmoking poles as usual and of course the dumbass liberal media is doing its usual. I wanted to strangle 2/3rds of MSNBC after that debate and yell "talk about facts you fucking idiots!"…Rachel Maddow lost a lot of respect on that one, too. The only person who was THE LEAST bit interested in talking about substance was Al Sharpton. Oh sure, Romney lied and lied and lied some more but did you see him make eye contact? fucking imbeciles…anyway, it's not going to be that close, I seriously doubt it.

    2. Negropolis

      New Mexico is very hispanic and much poorer (is it still the poorest state in the nation?). It'd most definitely fall later than Colorado would. Colorado is definitely trending our way, but it's not as reliably blue as New Mexico has become.

  6. YouBetcha

    Good. Let's hope this scares the liberals and the Medicare-loving olds into showing up and voting. Obama supporters are too complacent.

  7. Jus_Wonderin

    If you say something enough, people will begin to believe it. Such as Mitt Romney is NOT a liar.

  8. deanbooth

    Am I blue
    Am I blue
    Ain't these tears in my eyes tellin' you
    Am I blue
    You would be too
    If your plans with your man
    Done fell through
    There was a time
    I was the only one
    And now I'm the sad and lonely one, lonely, lonely
    Was I gay, until today
    Now he's gone and we're through
    Am I blue

  9. 1stNewtontheMoon

    To be fair Fox News polled the Republican Party Chair of each state, and Mitt squeaked out a victory based on the above map.

  10. coolhandnuke

    I looked and I looked really hard, but i can't find Glennbeckistan, Werefucklandia, Northshitstain, and Nannystate anywhere on this map.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        Though it is not correctly labeled, Wannakeepmygovermentstuffandyoucannothavenoshitstan is clearly marked in red.

  11. snowpointsecret

    So red is "we have no idea what we're doing" and blue is "we really have no idea what we're doing", right?

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Is that what the eddie ator meant when he wrote about someone biting a "wee cock"? Sorta describes Florida, though.

  12. DaSandman

    Mittens has a week without fuckups and everyone runs around like Chicken Little about to get hit by an asteroid. He was lucky, even a blind pig finds an acorn every once in awhile.

    Barry just be warming up…he was a little busy last time with his gig, you know… RUNNIN' THE WORLD.

    Mittens gonna get some Bid Laden level heat this week.

    Breathe,motherfuckers, breathe.

    1. zumpie

      I wouldn't even say it's been a week. His foreign policy speech was panned yesterday, his walking back the 47% comments 17 days showed him to be the flip flopper we all know and love. Not to mention his family having to protect him and his circuit board from possible overload.

      Plus Munster threw a hissy fit yesterday and held a NO CAMERAS ALLOWED fundraiser. Cause, you know, everyone really digs all their secrecy and stuff.

      1. fuflans

        was that speech panned? i didn't really hear that.

        i mean, I panned it, but i've been hearing nothing but wall to wall pro romney coverage (on npr) so it's hard to tel.

        1. zumpie

          No, they did. Including Republicans and military types. At best they thought it was same old, same old and asked how did it differ from any other foreign policy speech.

          The only person I've seen praise it was SE Cupp. The same moron who runs around asking if Bams made a mistake in picking Handsome Joe in 2008. You know, when they won and stuff.

  13. BlueMonkeh

    That's it! CD-2 in Nebraska will be the savior of the nation if we can keep it blue (like in 2008) and toss that vote from R-Money to Obama. Don't worry guyz, we're on it!

  14. Oblios_Cap

    Congratualtions corporate Media! You are serving your masters well and faithfully.

    As far as actually doing your job and serving the rest of us, not so much.

  15. EatsBabyDingos

    Good to see DC has finally been towed 200 miles east of Nags Head. It'll be a shorter drive on Saturdays in July.

  16. Allmighty_Manos

    No fucking way Romney's winning Nevada. Too many very organized union members and Latinos. Hooray!

  17. Dudleydidwrong

    "Election forecasting model projects Romney Win" Faux Nudes
    "It ain't over 'til its over" Yogi Berra
    "Faux Nudes a wee bit cocky" Wonkette
    "OK! OK! I understand. Time to get my track shoes on" Barry O
    "We have awakened a sleeping giant and have instilled in him a terrible resolve" Isoroku Yamamoto (attributed)

    "WE HOPE!" All of us

  18. Goonemeritus

    I just consulted some fresh bird entrails and they totally refute Fox’s predictions. You can say what you want about the old ways but you can’t accuse them of being overtly partisan.

  19. weejee

    God Silver has Bamz at almost 75% to win. So too, does my bookie. 270-to-win needz to use both their fingers and their toes to do their counting.

    Faux Newz doesn't count for shit. Their arithmetic skills are also lacking.

      1. weejee

        On the map our Editrix just clicked some clickies to get a "user generated" 269-269 hello Mr. Boner tie. That said, 270's 95% odds appear to be the result from them smoking vast amounts of some seriously optimystical weed.

  20. zumpie

    Actually, I think Faux was being generous. Under their logic Bams would only carry NY and CA. Oh and HI, because according to my FIL who retired there, it's full of lazy moochers, sucking on the gubmint teat. But that doesn't include him OR his medicare! That said, Mittens is gonna take NM, which polls stronger for Obama than MY state (OR) does? Not freakin' likely.

    Also, too: WONKETTE!!!!!!!!! All these Dem pussies here are already shitting the bed daily from one, whole, entire, bad debate performance and some outlier polls. You really SHOULD tell them that 270 to Win gives Obama a 95% chance of winning and puts an electoral tie at less than 1%

  21. lulzmonger

    Good to see the paint-chips are kicking in at FOX-HQ.

    Now we need to get Gretchen & the lads to lick some Colorado River toads right before the polls close on election day, & let the infotainment commence!

  22. snowpointsecret

    Actually as I look closer at this map I'm getting highly confused. Minnesota isn't even close… If you're going to make a really crazy pick why not Oregon? Or maybe Michigan?

    Or, you could stick with reality and have Obama leading but it's Fox News.

  23. CindynEncinitas

    All they need to do is get it close, then they start cheating, taking the voting boxes home, fucking around with the chads, posting INS agents at the polling places where there's Metsicans, calling in favors from the Supremes, you know the routine…

  24. Mittaplasia

    People will actually vote for a zombie-baptizing culty warmongering vulture capitalist ROBOT just because he ISN'T the black guy, and you tell me not to worry? I wanna' be sedated!

  25. voodooeconomics

    In the Parallel Universe Mitt Romney will defeat John McCain and assume this here Estados Unidos..you can see by the map that John Blue has no chance

  26. Gleem McShineys

    Wow, that's awesome! I love alternate history stories. In this one, "Romney" is what, George Romney, his likeable father, instead of a douchemonster?

    Cool story, bro.

  27. BerkeleyBear

    Seriously, can we stop the sky is falling meme? I know it is conforming to both Dem and GOP bias to have the Dem as a weak, unable to fight back loser, but this is Barry O we are talking about. He's got 2 more debates, good job numbers and a much better ground organization. Plus, we've already got evidence that the debate bump was washed out by the jobs numbers from Friday, meaning that is was (exactly as predicted by everyone not paid to have a controversial race) not a game changer.

    Chill the fuck out – he's got this (but do GOTV efforts, they matter).

  28. Beowoof

    Thanks, now I feel obligated to Bamz more $. Hoping to stem the bleeding of red all over the map.

    And what's this about a secret Wonkette Chatroom?

  29. Negropolis

    Can we just start calling "Mormon Mitt" from here until November and just sew this thing up, already? I mean, if they are going to keep on with the "did we mention the president is black" thing, maybe it's time to play hardball.

    The only thing I'm worried about is not that we're losing, but that we're not putting this thing away decisively enough. Mr. 46% shouldn't even be considered as a legitimate option.

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