U MAD?  1:38 pm October 9, 2012

OMFG Your Precious Hand-Knit Etsy Hipster Item Is Totes Racist, LOL

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Love him and hug him and call him GeorgeDon’t have enough hipster racism in your life? Why not buy some bullshit “Americana” featuring every possible type of loving depiction of negros, as long as those loving depictions have big red lips and googly eyes? It’s so easy, just go to Etsy!

Here is an easy rule of thumb to remember, in case you are worried “is this racist?” Just ask yourself: Are you a black person? Then you can buy all the Aunt Jemima products or golliwogs or this thing that you want! Are you not a black person? Then don’t do that!

Maybe you have a childhood attachment to Little Black Sambo, because it was awesome how he tricked the tigers! That’s fine! But it was 40 years ago for a reason.

Maybe you are a white person who wants your child to play with and love on dolls who are black, out of liberalness! That is excellent! Here, this doll who is black is a ballerina. Isn’t that nicer?

Jesus fucking christ
Anyway, oof Etsy. We thought you were embarrassing before, when your only crime was encouraging young women to arts and crafts their hearts out. But now that we know you sell this, well, we will see you in hell.

[Change.org]

 
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{ 154 comments }

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 1:40 pm

It's just like Kwanzaa! It's just the black Uncle Sam! You know, Uncle Sambo!

Mumbletypeg October 9, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Handmade racist plushie stocking stuffers. It's what's for Christmas.

deanbooth October 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Only bad little boys and girls get Nat King Cole in their stockings.

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Old Clean Coal?

Esteev October 9, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Kudos, sir.

G&T? Or… I guess a Vodka and Pepsi would be more appropriate.

JudasPeckerwood October 9, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Etsy: Where culture and taste go to die.

SpeedoFart October 9, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Silly Wonkette. It's not racist if it's ironic, duh.

kittensdontlie October 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm

I like to buy white figurines and paint them in blackface. Is that wrong?

Lascauxcaveman October 9, 2012 at 2:23 pm

We should know. Half the shit we type here in comments really ought to to have a huge asterisk and a warning label in case any non-cogniscenti wander in here by mistake and think we're making Red-State type comments rather than mocking Red-State type comments.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 9, 2012 at 3:07 pm

That's racist.

Mittaplasia October 9, 2012 at 3:23 pm

They might be doing a lot of upfisting on here.

Esteev October 9, 2012 at 2:26 pm

You're racist if you don't buy it.

ProgressiveInga October 9, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Your move, Chicken George.

BaldarTFlagass October 9, 2012 at 1:44 pm

It's probably already been sold.

no_gravity October 9, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Any Br'er Rabbit dolls?

Mittaplasia October 9, 2012 at 2:15 pm

No; jes' de tar baby.

Ryy October 9, 2012 at 1:44 pm

See! It's the Democrat party that is the real racists! That's why MLK was a Republican you libtards…

CrankyLttlCamperette October 9, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Etsy, just go back to reselling Chinese imports, please.

YouBetcha October 9, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Hipsters aren't racist, that's just crazytalk.

Schmannnity October 9, 2012 at 1:45 pm

It's not racist, it's heritage. Do they come wrapped in Confederate flag wrapping paper?

Maman October 9, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Will Paul Ryan have one of those dolls on the podium whilst he is debating? Otherwise he might forget who are the real victims.

luckismine October 9, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Finally! Something more annoying to me than that god awful scrapbooking craze!

NellCote71 October 9, 2012 at 3:42 pm

You, too? I NEVER understood that.

ThundercatHo October 9, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Hey, my photos are all carefully stored inside several cardboard boxes which are stacked next to several boxes containing empty frames and photo albums. I should start leaving out milk and cookies so that brownies will come and put that shit all together while I sleep.

GunToting[Redacted] October 9, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I was into racism long before you ever heard of it.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 9, 2012 at 3:08 pm

I have racism on vinyl.

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 1:40 am

Racism was so much better, back then. Not like this commercialized, corporatist bullshit they are selling today.

anniegetyerfun October 9, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Ugh, a link to Jezebel? My day is ruined.

Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

I thought all the ladies loved Jezebel and all the dudes loved Deadspin!

anniegetyerfun October 9, 2012 at 1:59 pm

I loved Fleshbot for a long time. Is that the same?

Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 2:05 pm

All Gawker media sites are hellspawn. And the Fleshbot girls are too skinny.

Tequila Mockingbird October 9, 2012 at 2:03 pm

And my day is made happier… finally, a ladyperson who hates Jezebel as much as I do.

anniegetyerfun October 9, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Yay, Jez-hating club!

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Jez-bians?

ManchuCandidate October 9, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Having lived among *you people* for the entirety of my life, there are some things I don't understand.

Your yellow fever aka lust for Asian women, hunger for mayonnaise and love of racist thingamabobs…

Lascauxcaveman October 9, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Yeah, the HAG* thing I always assumed was just a modern trend with the hip young white boys, seeking to be different, or to appear a bit daring.
To me, women are just women. They come in all kinds of pleasing colors and sizes.

*Hot Asian Girlfriend

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Oh, it mattered when I was a kid. It was kind of a mark of "manhood" (such as it was thought of) to have an interracial girlfriend. I guess it meant you weren't limiting yourself to the girls in your neighborhood.

On the other hand, for me it was long enough ago that I heard the usual old epithets about "niggerlover" or "Chink-boy". Never really bothered me, I knew it was out of jealousy they were trying to pick a fight.

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Um, two of those things sort of reconcile to each other…

Redgyal October 9, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Wait, what? Either you're saying mayo makes you attracted to Asians or you're saying mayo makes you like racists things. I honestly can't see another link.

Tequila Mockingbird October 9, 2012 at 1:49 pm

But can it tapdance?

Hammiepants October 9, 2012 at 1:49 pm

How can it be racist if the person who crafted it totally KNOWS they're not a racist? How? They probably totally honor native americans by wearing an authentic war bonnet as Sexy Pocohontas for Halloween, too.

BeefHardcake October 9, 2012 at 1:50 pm

How… ummmmmmmmmmmmm… quaint?

And by "quaint", I mean terrible. A lot.

Estproph October 9, 2012 at 1:50 pm

It won't be long before the repubs make one of these dolls their national committee chairman.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 9, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Didn't they do that with Michael Steele?

Pap Finn October 9, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Hmm…Romney rebounding in the polls…racist kitsch for sale online…there has to be a connection.

Esteev October 9, 2012 at 1:51 pm

$30.00 is a bargain!

Radiotherapy October 9, 2012 at 1:52 pm

I'm 47% racist.

Fairtackle October 9, 2012 at 1:52 pm

I used to love going to Sambo's for pancakes. It was right across the street from the Jafco.

Pat_Pending October 10, 2012 at 1:05 am

I loved it too! Until I'd get carsick and barf it all up.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 9, 2012 at 1:52 pm

You can get cheaper crap at Wal-Mart. More Tastelessness for the buck!

Goonemeritus October 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm

It's long past time for a mass Hipster beat down. We could make a national holiday out of it so no one missed the fun because they had to go to work.

memzilla October 9, 2012 at 2:09 pm
Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 2:14 pm

No can do. No more Teamsters.

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 2:23 pm

As a dues paying member, excuse me?

Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 2:44 pm

In the micro-universe in which my joke is funny, there are no Teamsters!

gullywompr October 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm

That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

Huh, I thought that would have come out sounding snarkier than it did…

TootsStansbury October 9, 2012 at 1:58 pm

I wish I could upfists you moar.

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 1:42 am

This needz so many more fists.

LastGasp October 9, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Hipster racism — it's not morally wrong because the hipsters are only motivated by a burning desire to be cooler than everyone else.

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 1:43 am

I love that some of them actually believe that. I'd tell them I think it's worse just because of the rank shallowness and thus carelessness of the display.

LibertyLover October 9, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I will go check out ETSY in a minute… right now I'm watching "Song of the South" for it's cultural significance.

PsycWench October 9, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Note all the happy slaves, coz it's a documentary, right?

LibertyLover October 9, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Zippity do dah!

Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Isn't it about time for a big budget, modern remake of "Birth Of A Nation"? Balanced though — there could be a whole counter-narrative with Cuba Gooding Jr. swimming back to Africa and founding Liberia.

viennawoods13 October 9, 2012 at 11:26 pm

I will be showing parts of that to my history class this week- and they will be shocked and stunned by the blatant racism. As will I, once again.

docterry6973 October 9, 2012 at 1:54 pm

What's amazing is that someone looked at this and thought it was a good idea.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 9, 2012 at 3:14 pm

What's really amazing is someone built that.

Trinket October 9, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I am now officially embarrassed to have an Etsy shop.

anniegetyerfun October 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Some of my best friends sell on Etsy.

Actually, seriously, I have some talented friends who make beautiful necklaces and stuff.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 9, 2012 at 3:15 pm

And also now is when you shamelessly promote your friends' shops.

anniegetyerfun October 9, 2012 at 3:19 pm

I don't think that they would appreciate being associated with my Wonkette persona, akshully.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 9, 2012 at 3:24 pm

To your friends I say "Lah-di-freakin-dah your majesties!"

Trinket October 9, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I know what you mean. I'm not sure I would appreciate my Etsy shop being associated with my Wonkette persona.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 9, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Now is when you shamelessly promote your Etsy shop.

hagajim October 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Do these come with the Voodoo needles?

Blueb4sinrise October 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Breaking yawn: Caffeine sponsored Free-fall cancelled.

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Aw, c'mon, you know it would be cool if he ended up free-falling flat, spinning at 220 rpm…

Blueb4sinrise October 9, 2012 at 2:23 pm

[guilty]

viennawoods13 October 9, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Jesus. I was at my mother's today, being a good daughter. She watches a news network all day. I had to sit through that FUCKING story 5 times.

BaldarTFlagass October 9, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Don't they have anything for sale that's racist against Mexicans? A bag of Fritos, maybe? Racists.
—Just Askin' in South Texas

mrpuma2u October 9, 2012 at 2:15 pm

They could bring back the Frito Bandito! Now that was some class-A offensive shit.

Esteev October 9, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I pinned all of these to my Pinterest months ago.

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Is that still a thing?

Esteev October 9, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Apparently people like pinning things on virtual boards. Fingers get pricked less.

viennawoods13 October 9, 2012 at 11:28 pm

I will have you know I used a recipe from Pinterest this very weekend.

SpeedoFart October 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

As a side note, a couple of weeks ago, I found out where the "watermelon" stereotype comes from. Prepare yourself, Wonkateers, I'm gonna lay some education down on you all!

Basically, pre Civil War pro-slavery propaganda showed slaves as being so, um, simple and lazy that to make them happy all a slave owner had to do was give them a shade tree and a slice of watermelon. No one like that had the capacity take care of themselves, so slave owners were doing slaves a favor by, well, owning them. Jeez, that doesn't sound at all like anyone in the news lately, does it?

/THE MORE YOU KNOW® *rainbow!*

Redgyal October 9, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Thumbs up for your avatar and name only. The story I can take it or leave it.

cousinitt October 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Who are we to deny Republicans their Xmas stocking stuffers as they look forward to the Blackness Part II: Return of the Communist Nigerian Muslim Gay Usurper?

emmelemm October 9, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Never more appropriate:

Blackness Part II: Electric Boogaloo!

mbobier October 9, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Waiting for Blackness Part III: The Re-blackening

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

I ordered some of these dolls, but they were too lazy and never showed up.

emmelemm October 9, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Colored Persons' time!

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 9, 2012 at 2:37 pm

That's not racial transcendence!

zippy_w_pinhead October 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

what, no lawn jockeys?

SpeedoFart October 9, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Sadly, the antiques store that's down the street from my work has a lawn jockey on display on their (duh) lawn.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH NEW YORK?

iamrrm October 9, 2012 at 2:20 pm
Lionel[redacted]Esq October 9, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I think Romney cornered the market in them in 1997.

Gleem McShineys October 9, 2012 at 6:52 pm

I can't find any quality ironic Nazi memorabilia anywhere, either.

Oblios_Cap October 9, 2012 at 1:58 pm

what? !! No sideboob?

Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Can I put some melted cheese on your avatar? Would you be into that?

Oblios_Cap October 9, 2012 at 2:35 pm

throw a turd on it and you can make a shit sandwich!

Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 2:40 pm

The shit is implied by the buttery, golden visage.

PhilippePetain October 9, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Hipsters, in my experiencing, are genuinely stupid about almost everything. The whole point is having so little of a frame of reference that you can't be judged, and then acting like you're above it all.

LibertyLover October 9, 2012 at 3:01 pm

I, in turn, am pretty ignorant about hipsters.

PhilippePetain October 9, 2012 at 3:49 pm

I live in Portland, I don't have that luxury.

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 1:51 am

I think it actually spans the spectrum, and by that I mean you cn have so much of a frame of reference, that you feel you have the ability to shut someone down that criticizes you.

PhilippePetain October 10, 2012 at 3:01 pm

I'm sure you're right. I know that's what they usually think about the situation; I've just found that they're usually less in-touch or intelligent than they think, and usually kind of make fools of themselves when not around people of their kind.

Hey, though, these are broad generalizations.

TootsStansbury October 9, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Thank the gods my racist in laws don't know about this. They'd probably gift me with one. I don't think I'd bear it as well as I did when I received the Obama Chia thing.

Crank_Tango October 9, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Hmm, I always wanted a white lawn jockey, but then again our generation were kinda hipsters before being hipsters was a thing and therefore terrible.

Lascauxcaveman October 9, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Same here. We were stuck with the plastic lawn flamingos instead :(

Crank_Tango October 9, 2012 at 2:36 pm

LOL. Did you grow up in Buffalo too?

widestanceromance October 9, 2012 at 2:04 pm

A lovely addition to the vast catalogue of things hipster culture has contributed to society, like poor grooming/hygiene, god-awful piss beer and a monumentally misplaced sense of worth.

weejee October 9, 2012 at 2:17 pm

PBR libel.

PsycWench October 9, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Wait till they find out what my mom grew up hearing Brazil nuts called.
Now I have to scrub my browser history.

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 2:09 pm

So THAT"S how you catch one by the toe!

weejee October 9, 2012 at 2:15 pm

That Moe was an eeny meany. Just ask Curly.

Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 2:30 pm

We called 'em that in my black working/preacher class household in the '60s as well, in that "there buckra goes with the routine bigotry again, might as well get a laugh out of it" kind of way.

widestanceromance October 9, 2012 at 2:37 pm

My partner 'of color' delights in making me cringe by using that term (I did not need to to follow your link to know). I forbade him from using it when offering them to our parrot, for obvious reasons.

DCBloom October 9, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Sadly, I remember hearing that too

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 9, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I'm sure they're served at Rick Perry's ranch.

AutomaticPilot October 9, 2012 at 4:02 pm

My mother told me the same thing! Unbelievable!

Sir_Fartz_Alot October 9, 2012 at 2:08 pm

is it black history month again?

elviouslyqueer October 9, 2012 at 2:11 pm

privileged dickweeds wearing Urban Outfitters "Navajo" panties

This is the truest thing written in the true history of true things.

TootsStansbury October 9, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I don't even want to know what this is.

Jeri 2.0 October 9, 2012 at 2:11 pm

You guys are my kinda people, or one of me, or something, so I know you'll appreciate http://www.regretsy.com/ In fact, I'm amazed April hasn't been all over this like white on rice or stink on shit or [insert your favorite cliche]. I know she usually finds these the minute they hit Etsy, but this crap shows up so often maybe she's given up.

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Sort of indirectly, she had it, sort of. Maybe

Jeri 2.0 October 9, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Aha! Wait… what?

vulpes82 October 9, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I was just gonna say, I bet April's just LOVIN' this! And the watermelon figure is even photographed on old wood!

mrpuma2u October 9, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Thank you for that link. It made me laugh several times.

Baconzgood October 9, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Unrelated to this post

Baconz is now locked out of his office and building. I had the lock smith come in and change my locks on my heavy oak office door. I had to turn my card key and now I have to go to Guard Dog (the security at the front desk) to get into the building and sign in like a common surf. They want my client list and pricing information too also. How am I to steal my clients and haggle with reps at my new company without this confidential industrial information? It's like they don't want me to screw them after they screw me.

But Baconz still gonna pull some office prank. I'm thinking of buying a whole shit load of shrimp and eating it. Then putting that little shell thingy/tail in all the runners of the venetian blinds. Man-O-man will that stink in 3 days.

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Reparate your office to the local Native American tribe and help them build a casino

widestanceromance October 9, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Don't do it. You'll leave your DNA on them. Rancid chicken juices poured into air intake vent while wearing disposable gloves. Good times (for no one but you).

fuflans October 9, 2012 at 5:15 pm

you actually are ricky gervais aren't you?

Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 2:16 pm

There are some bourgeois black folks who ironically collect these little racist trinkets. But, as I have mentioned before, I will not feel proud of my country until I can own a family of crackers.

AbandonHope_ October 9, 2012 at 5:46 pm

If RMoney gets elected, you just might get that chance. The former middle class will be desperate for any sort of room and board.

Pat_Pending October 10, 2012 at 1:07 am

please adopt Honey Boo-Boo and put her on a diet of organic food and quality literature.

LibertyLover October 9, 2012 at 2:20 pm

"….Great black americana collectible in very good condition. Made in Japan…."

Yes, I always insist that my Americana racist items are also made in Japan.

PugglesRule October 9, 2012 at 2:32 pm

No snark here, but I've read that there is a wide streak of anti-black racism in far eastern countries. In particular I'm thinking of some Taiwanese toothpaste (??!) I saw online a few years ago — the tube featured a minstrel face and the brand name DARKIE. WTF? http://www.ebay.com/itm/Vintage-BLACK-AMERICANA-D

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 2:02 am

It's really big in Japan, too, which is why I'm not surprised it's made there.

UnholyMoses October 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Etsy is proof that P.T. Barnum was wrong—there's a sucker born every second.

LibertyLover October 9, 2012 at 2:24 pm

No snark, occasionally I stop into vintage shops and check out things from my childhood. Often there is a display case full of these type of items as a sad testament to the past. Personally, I think these items should be be destroyed, never to be seen again. They really serve no purpose other than to bring painful memories to people and keeps us stuck in the past.

One_Man_Band October 9, 2012 at 3:11 pm

I just stopped into an antique shop and saw a ceramic Asian caricature wall decoration for sale. What was up with white people decorating their homes with racist depictions of minorities? How did that become a "thing"? I don't get it.

SayItWithWookies October 9, 2012 at 2:28 pm

And I thought Etsy was that 5,000 year old guy whose body they found in the Alps. And since they didn't find any racist dolls on him, I'll stick with that — especially since I'll remember Etsy = racist crafts the same way I'll remember the name of that shoe website whose name has nothing to do with shoes so I never remember it.

Radiotherapy October 9, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Made in China

Toomush_Infer October 9, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Well, damn….Shoot the Watermelon!….

ProgressiveInga October 9, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I miss the days when crayola only made one flesh-colored crayon. : (
http://mediamatters.org/blog/2011/04/07/fox-amp-f

Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I could only read 10 seconds of that link before becoming disgusted with the stupidity and mean-spiritedness.

ProgressiveInga October 9, 2012 at 2:40 pm

/Snark off

Pathetic, right? There is a special place in hell for Michelle Malkin.

owhatever October 9, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Cain't get enuf of a good thing, Bubba. I sell 'em at NASCAR races and the NRA gun shows. Knee-slappin' fun.

Woodshedding October 9, 2012 at 2:59 pm

No snark – I'm from the South – they literally think that having affection for "cute" dolls is the same as showing affection for black people as a whole. No wonder they've all become Republicans…. which, to repeat myself probably, is so much easier than having to think.

Mittaplasia October 9, 2012 at 3:25 pm

'Kin ah pay fer 'em with confederate money?

Nopantsmcgee October 9, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Regretsy.com is better.

ttommyunger October 9, 2012 at 10:18 pm

You only think you jest. My in-laws here in Jaw-Jah had a blackface lawn jockey at the end of their driveway till the day they died and thought it was just as natural as Christmas.

Pat_Pending October 10, 2012 at 1:05 am

I thought Sambo was a wog.

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