Love him and hug him and call him GeorgeDon’t have enough hipster racism in your life? Why not buy some bullshit “Americana” featuring every possible type of loving depiction of negros, as long as those loving depictions have big red lips and googly eyes? It’s so easy, just go to Etsy!

Here is an easy rule of thumb to remember, in case you are worried “is this racist?” Just ask yourself: Are you a black person? Then you can buy all the Aunt Jemima products or golliwogs or this thing that you want! Are you not a black person? Then don’t do that!

Maybe you have a childhood attachment to Little Black Sambo, because it was awesome how he tricked the tigers! That’s fine! But it was 40 years ago for a reason.

Maybe you are a white person who wants your child to play with and love on dolls who are black, out of liberalness! That is excellent! Here, this doll who is black is a ballerina. Isn’t that nicer?

Jesus fucking christ
Anyway, oof Etsy. We thought you were embarrassing before, when your only crime was encouraging young women to arts and crafts their hearts out. But now that we know you sell this, well, we will see you in hell.


Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • It's just like Kwanzaa! It's just the black Uncle Sam! You know, Uncle Sambo!

  • Handmade racist plushie stocking stuffers. It's what's for Christmas.

    • Only bad little boys and girls get Nat King Cole in their stockings.

      • Old Clean Coal?

        • Esteev

          Kudos, sir.

          G&T? Or… I guess a Vodka and Pepsi would be more appropriate.

  • JudasPeckerwood

    Etsy: Where culture and taste go to die.

  • SpeedoFart

    Silly Wonkette. It's not racist if it's ironic, duh.

    • kittensdontlie

      I like to buy white figurines and paint them in blackface. Is that wrong?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      We should know. Half the shit we type here in comments really ought to to have a huge asterisk and a warning label in case any non-cogniscenti wander in here by mistake and think we're making Red-State type comments rather than mocking Red-State type comments.

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        That's racist.

      • Mittaplasia

        They might be doing a lot of upfisting on here.

    • Esteev

      You're racist if you don't buy it.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Your move, Chicken George.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It's probably already been sold.

  • no_gravity

    Any Br'er Rabbit dolls?

    • Mittaplasia

      No; jes' de tar baby.

  • Ryy

    See! It's the Democrat party that is the real racists! That's why MLK was a Republican you libtards…

  • CrankyLttlCamperette

    Etsy, just go back to reselling Chinese imports, please.

  • YouBetcha

    Hipsters aren't racist, that's just crazytalk.

  • Schmannnity

    It's not racist, it's heritage. Do they come wrapped in Confederate flag wrapping paper?

  • Will Paul Ryan have one of those dolls on the podium whilst he is debating? Otherwise he might forget who are the real victims.

  • luckismine

    Finally! Something more annoying to me than that god awful scrapbooking craze!

    • NellCote71

      You, too? I NEVER understood that.

    • ThundercatHo

      Hey, my photos are all carefully stored inside several cardboard boxes which are stacked next to several boxes containing empty frames and photo albums. I should start leaving out milk and cookies so that brownies will come and put that shit all together while I sleep.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    I was into racism long before you ever heard of it.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      I have racism on vinyl.

      • Negropolis

        Racism was so much better, back then. Not like this commercialized, corporatist bullshit they are selling today.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Ugh, a link to Jezebel? My day is ruined.

    • I thought all the ladies loved Jezebel and all the dudes loved Deadspin!

      • anniegetyerfun

        I loved Fleshbot for a long time. Is that the same?

        • All Gawker media sites are hellspawn. And the Fleshbot girls are too skinny.

    • Tequila Mockingbird

      And my day is made happier… finally, a ladyperson who hates Jezebel as much as I do.

      • anniegetyerfun

        Yay, Jez-hating club!

  • Having lived among *you people* for the entirety of my life, there are some things I don't understand.

    Your yellow fever aka lust for Asian women, hunger for mayonnaise and love of racist thingamabobs…

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Yeah, the HAG* thing I always assumed was just a modern trend with the hip young white boys, seeking to be different, or to appear a bit daring.
      To me, women are just women. They come in all kinds of pleasing colors and sizes.

      *Hot Asian Girlfriend

      • Oh, it mattered when I was a kid. It was kind of a mark of "manhood" (such as it was thought of) to have an interracial girlfriend. I guess it meant you weren't limiting yourself to the girls in your neighborhood.

        On the other hand, for me it was long enough ago that I heard the usual old epithets about "niggerlover" or "Chink-boy". Never really bothered me, I knew it was out of jealousy they were trying to pick a fight.

    • Um, two of those things sort of reconcile to each other…

      • Redgyal

        Wait, what? Either you're saying mayo makes you attracted to Asians or you're saying mayo makes you like racists things. I honestly can't see another link.

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    But can it tapdance?

  • Hammiepants

    How can it be racist if the person who crafted it totally KNOWS they're not a racist? How? They probably totally honor native americans by wearing an authentic war bonnet as Sexy Pocohontas for Halloween, too.

  • BeefHardcake

    How… ummmmmmmmmmmmm… quaint?

    And by "quaint", I mean terrible. A lot.

  • Estproph

    It won't be long before the repubs make one of these dolls their national committee chairman.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Didn't they do that with Michael Steele?

  • Hmm…Romney rebounding in the polls…racist kitsch for sale online…there has to be a connection.

  • Esteev

    $30.00 is a bargain!

  • Radiotherapy

    I'm 47% racist.

  • Fairtackle

    I used to love going to Sambo's for pancakes. It was right across the street from the Jafco.

    • Pat_Pending

      I loved it too! Until I'd get carsick and barf it all up.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    You can get cheaper crap at Wal-Mart. More Tastelessness for the buck!

  • Goonemeritus

    It's long past time for a mass Hipster beat down. We could make a national holiday out of it so no one missed the fun because they had to go to work.

  • gullywompr

    That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

    Huh, I thought that would have come out sounding snarkier than it did…

    • TootsStansbury

      I wish I could upfists you moar.

    • Negropolis

      This needz so many more fists.

  • LastGasp

    Hipster racism — it's not morally wrong because the hipsters are only motivated by a burning desire to be cooler than everyone else.

    • Negropolis

      I love that some of them actually believe that. I'd tell them I think it's worse just because of the rank shallowness and thus carelessness of the display.

  • LibertyLover

    I will go check out ETSY in a minute… right now I'm watching "Song of the South" for it's cultural significance.

    • PsycWench

      Note all the happy slaves, coz it's a documentary, right?

      • LibertyLover

        Zippity do dah!

    • Isn't it about time for a big budget, modern remake of "Birth Of A Nation"? Balanced though — there could be a whole counter-narrative with Cuba Gooding Jr. swimming back to Africa and founding Liberia.

      • viennawoods13

        I will be showing parts of that to my history class this week- and they will be shocked and stunned by the blatant racism. As will I, once again.

  • docterry6973

    What's amazing is that someone looked at this and thought it was a good idea.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      What's really amazing is someone built that.

  • Trinket

    I am now officially embarrassed to have an Etsy shop.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Some of my best friends sell on Etsy.

      Actually, seriously, I have some talented friends who make beautiful necklaces and stuff.

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        And also now is when you shamelessly promote your friends' shops.

        • anniegetyerfun

          I don't think that they would appreciate being associated with my Wonkette persona, akshully.

          • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

            To your friends I say "Lah-di-freakin-dah your majesties!"

          • Trinket

            I know what you mean. I'm not sure I would appreciate my Etsy shop being associated with my Wonkette persona.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Now is when you shamelessly promote your Etsy shop.

  • hagajim

    Do these come with the Voodoo needles?

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Breaking yawn: Caffeine sponsored Free-fall cancelled.

    • Aw, c'mon, you know it would be cool if he ended up free-falling flat, spinning at 220 rpm…

      • Blueb4sinrise


    • viennawoods13

      Jesus. I was at my mother's today, being a good daughter. She watches a news network all day. I had to sit through that FUCKING story 5 times.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Don't they have anything for sale that's racist against Mexicans? A bag of Fritos, maybe? Racists.
    —Just Askin' in South Texas

    • mrpuma2u

      They could bring back the Frito Bandito! Now that was some class-A offensive shit.

  • Esteev

    I pinned all of these to my Pinterest months ago.

    • Is that still a thing?

      • Esteev

        Apparently people like pinning things on virtual boards. Fingers get pricked less.

      • viennawoods13

        I will have you know I used a recipe from Pinterest this very weekend.

  • SpeedoFart

    As a side note, a couple of weeks ago, I found out where the "watermelon" stereotype comes from. Prepare yourself, Wonkateers, I'm gonna lay some education down on you all!

    Basically, pre Civil War pro-slavery propaganda showed slaves as being so, um, simple and lazy that to make them happy all a slave owner had to do was give them a shade tree and a slice of watermelon. No one like that had the capacity take care of themselves, so slave owners were doing slaves a favor by, well, owning them. Jeez, that doesn't sound at all like anyone in the news lately, does it?

    /THE MORE YOU KNOW® *rainbow!*

    • Redgyal

      Thumbs up for your avatar and name only. The story I can take it or leave it.

  • cousinitt

    Who are we to deny Republicans their Xmas stocking stuffers as they look forward to the Blackness Part II: Return of the Communist Nigerian Muslim Gay Usurper?

    • emmelemm

      Never more appropriate:

      Blackness Part II: Electric Boogaloo!

    • mbobier

      Waiting for Blackness Part III: The Re-blackening

  • I ordered some of these dolls, but they were too lazy and never showed up.

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    what, no lawn jockeys?

    • SpeedoFart

      Sadly, the antiques store that's down the street from my work has a lawn jockey on display on their (duh) lawn.


    • iamrrm
    • I think Romney cornered the market in them in 1997.

    • Gleem McShineys

      I can't find any quality ironic Nazi memorabilia anywhere, either.

  • Oblios_Cap

    what? !! No sideboob?

    • Can I put some melted cheese on your avatar? Would you be into that?

      • Oblios_Cap

        throw a turd on it and you can make a shit sandwich!

        • The shit is implied by the buttery, golden visage.

  • PhilippePetain

    Hipsters, in my experiencing, are genuinely stupid about almost everything. The whole point is having so little of a frame of reference that you can't be judged, and then acting like you're above it all.

    • LibertyLover

      I, in turn, am pretty ignorant about hipsters.

      • PhilippePetain

        I live in Portland, I don't have that luxury.

    • Negropolis

      I think it actually spans the spectrum, and by that I mean you cn have so much of a frame of reference, that you feel you have the ability to shut someone down that criticizes you.

      • PhilippePetain

        I'm sure you're right. I know that's what they usually think about the situation; I've just found that they're usually less in-touch or intelligent than they think, and usually kind of make fools of themselves when not around people of their kind.

        Hey, though, these are broad generalizations.

  • TootsStansbury

    Thank the gods my racist in laws don't know about this. They'd probably gift me with one. I don't think I'd bear it as well as I did when I received the Obama Chia thing.

  • Crank_Tango

    Hmm, I always wanted a white lawn jockey, but then again our generation were kinda hipsters before being hipsters was a thing and therefore terrible.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Same here. We were stuck with the plastic lawn flamingos instead :(

      • Crank_Tango

        LOL. Did you grow up in Buffalo too?

  • widestanceromance

    A lovely addition to the vast catalogue of things hipster culture has contributed to society, like poor grooming/hygiene, god-awful piss beer and a monumentally misplaced sense of worth.

  • PsycWench

    Wait till they find out what my mom grew up hearing Brazil nuts called.
    Now I have to scrub my browser history.

    • So THAT"S how you catch one by the toe!

      • That Moe was an eeny meany. Just ask Curly.

    • We called 'em that in my black working/preacher class household in the '60s as well, in that "there buckra goes with the routine bigotry again, might as well get a laugh out of it" kind of way.

    • widestanceromance

      My partner 'of color' delights in making me cringe by using that term (I did not need to to follow your link to know). I forbade him from using it when offering them to our parrot, for obvious reasons.

    • DCBloom

      Sadly, I remember hearing that too

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      I'm sure they're served at Rick Perry's ranch.

    • AutomaticPilot

      My mother told me the same thing! Unbelievable!

  • Sir_Fartz_Alot

    is it black history month again?

  • elviouslyqueer

    privileged dickweeds wearing Urban Outfitters "Navajo" panties

    This is the truest thing written in the true history of true things.

    • TootsStansbury

      I don't even want to know what this is.

  • You guys are my kinda people, or one of me, or something, so I know you'll appreciate In fact, I'm amazed April hasn't been all over this like white on rice or stink on shit or [insert your favorite cliche]. I know she usually finds these the minute they hit Etsy, but this crap shows up so often maybe she's given up.

    • Sort of indirectly, she had it, sort of. Maybe

    • vulpes82

      I was just gonna say, I bet April's just LOVIN' this! And the watermelon figure is even photographed on old wood!

    • mrpuma2u

      Thank you for that link. It made me laugh several times.

  • Baconzgood

    Unrelated to this post

    Baconz is now locked out of his office and building. I had the lock smith come in and change my locks on my heavy oak office door. I had to turn my card key and now I have to go to Guard Dog (the security at the front desk) to get into the building and sign in like a common surf. They want my client list and pricing information too also. How am I to steal my clients and haggle with reps at my new company without this confidential industrial information? It's like they don't want me to screw them after they screw me.

    But Baconz still gonna pull some office prank. I'm thinking of buying a whole shit load of shrimp and eating it. Then putting that little shell thingy/tail in all the runners of the venetian blinds. Man-O-man will that stink in 3 days.

    • Reparate your office to the local Native American tribe and help them build a casino

    • widestanceromance

      Don't do it. You'll leave your DNA on them. Rancid chicken juices poured into air intake vent while wearing disposable gloves. Good times (for no one but you).

    • you actually are ricky gervais aren't you?

  • There are some bourgeois black folks who ironically collect these little racist trinkets. But, as I have mentioned before, I will not feel proud of my country until I can own a family of crackers.

    • AbandonHope_

      If RMoney gets elected, you just might get that chance. The former middle class will be desperate for any sort of room and board.

    • Pat_Pending

      please adopt Honey Boo-Boo and put her on a diet of organic food and quality literature.

  • LibertyLover

    "….Great black americana collectible in very good condition. Made in Japan…."

    Yes, I always insist that my Americana racist items are also made in Japan.

    • PugglesRule

      No snark here, but I've read that there is a wide streak of anti-black racism in far eastern countries. In particular I'm thinking of some Taiwanese toothpaste (??!) I saw online a few years ago — the tube featured a minstrel face and the brand name DARKIE. WTF?

      • Negropolis

        It's really big in Japan, too, which is why I'm not surprised it's made there.

  • UnholyMoses

    Etsy is proof that P.T. Barnum was wrong—there's a sucker born every second.

  • LibertyLover

    No snark, occasionally I stop into vintage shops and check out things from my childhood. Often there is a display case full of these type of items as a sad testament to the past. Personally, I think these items should be be destroyed, never to be seen again. They really serve no purpose other than to bring painful memories to people and keeps us stuck in the past.

    • One_Man_Band

      I just stopped into an antique shop and saw a ceramic Asian caricature wall decoration for sale. What was up with white people decorating their homes with racist depictions of minorities? How did that become a "thing"? I don't get it.

  • And I thought Etsy was that 5,000 year old guy whose body they found in the Alps. And since they didn't find any racist dolls on him, I'll stick with that — especially since I'll remember Etsy = racist crafts the same way I'll remember the name of that shoe website whose name has nothing to do with shoes so I never remember it.

  • Radiotherapy

    Made in China

  • Toomush_Infer

    Well, damn….Shoot the Watermelon!….

  • ProgressiveInga

    I miss the days when crayola only made one flesh-colored crayon. : (

    • I could only read 10 seconds of that link before becoming disgusted with the stupidity and mean-spiritedness.

      • ProgressiveInga

        /Snark off

        Pathetic, right? There is a special place in hell for Michelle Malkin.

  • owhatever

    Cain't get enuf of a good thing, Bubba. I sell 'em at NASCAR races and the NRA gun shows. Knee-slappin' fun.

  • Woodshedding

    No snark – I'm from the South – they literally think that having affection for "cute" dolls is the same as showing affection for black people as a whole. No wonder they've all become Republicans…. which, to repeat myself probably, is so much easier than having to think.

  • Mittaplasia

    'Kin ah pay fer 'em with confederate money?

  • Nopantsmcgee is better.

  • ttommyunger

    You only think you jest. My in-laws here in Jaw-Jah had a blackface lawn jockey at the end of their driveway till the day they died and thought it was just as natural as Christmas.

  • Pat_Pending

    I thought Sambo was a wog.

Previous articleAngela Merkel Enjoys Traditional Greek Hospitality, Rage
Next articleGood Job, Barry! Big Bird Totally Voting For Romney Now