THE ENFORCERER  12:30 pm October 9, 2012

Tagg Romney To Be Our New George W. Bush

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Thug lifeDo you ever wish you could see into the future? Well thanks to today’s Politico story on how the Romney family has finally wrested control of Miffed’s campaign from the seriously incompetent Stuart Stevenses et alia, we now know that Tagg Romney has taken on the role of enforcer in his dad’s campaign. This makes him, obviously, the new George W. Bush, who played the thug so well for his own father’s presidential runs. (Egg Romney, duh, is the new Nancy, stone cold firing Donald Regan and shit.) Does that mean Tagg Romney for president in like 2024? HOPEFULLY!

Now, to us the most important part of this story is how Miffed Romney is a gullible sap who listens to bad advice from everyone and then takes it. (Because that is how leadership works.)

“Romney gets buffeted by all this advice because Romney takes everybody seriously,” the family friend said. “He thinks, ‘Well, gee, I’m talking to businessman X or C or Y. They’re really smart. That’s something I need to factor into my thinking.’”

You know who Romney should listen to more? Really smart businessman Donald J. Trump!

Other fun parts of the story include that Tagg and Egg had to have an intervention to get Ol’ Mittens to stop listening to everyone’s bullshit. They were the ones who were all like, “oh hey, why not try being moderate again, like you should have done immediately after you’d wrapped up the nomination, idiot?” It is Tagg’s job to keep Romney in a bubble away from people who would give him advice. It is Egg’s job to be mad all the time. It is “chief strategist” (not anymore) Stuart Stevens’ job to say things like “Whatever you do, don’t give a speech on foreign policy, because that would be an opportunity to demonstrate some level of comfort with what amounts to like half the president’s job,” and “the best way to win [is] to point out President Barack Obama’s flaws and articulate generic promises to do better.” (That last one is actually a real paraphrase from Politico. Yowch.)

“Generic promises to do better” sounds like not at all the worst strategy since the Redcoats stood in formation to be murdered by our domestic terrorists! We hope Stuart Stevens runs every GOP campaign for the rest of his natural life, and then the ones for Zone Three ward boss in hell.

Anyway, get used to Tagg Romney, friends. We will probably have him to kick around for a long, long time.

[Politico]

 

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{ 158 comments }

Beowoof October 9, 2012 at 12:33 pm

They all believe the same bullshit, so it is the blinded by the right, leading the blinded by the right..

el_donaldo October 9, 2012 at 12:47 pm

blinded by the right
cut loose like a deuce, sent Stuart into the night
blinded by the right
Tagg brought it down with his ass all tight, and he set Stuart right.

Beowoof October 9, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I was thinking after I posted that I should have went with, lie like a douche, send grandma into the night.

Lascauxcaveman October 9, 2012 at 12:33 pm

We will probably have him to kick around for a long, long time.

Kicking a Romney?* Everybody get in line, behind me.

(* I mean with votes, of course. Or steel-toed shoes.)

nounverb911 October 9, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Needs more Rosa Klebb.

sullivanst October 9, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Can I kick it?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 9, 2012 at 1:51 pm

What this country needs is good, affordable, steel-toed votes.
(We'll add our own bootstraps later, thank you fucking much.)

vtxmcrider October 9, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Spurs would be good.

nounverb911 October 9, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Is Tagg going to join the Air National Guard, or is he going to hide in Paris for two years like his dad?

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Hey, he was a free man in Paris, he felt unfettered and almost alive.

ProgressiveInga October 9, 2012 at 12:36 pm

He would go back there tomorrow but for the work he's taken on.

commiegirl99 October 9, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Hey this starmaker machine isn't gonna stoke itself you guys!

el_donaldo October 9, 2012 at 12:44 pm

stoke, or stroke?

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Behind a popular schlong?

Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 12:49 pm

In France, they kiss on Main Street! Kissing under bridges, kissing in cars, kissing in cafes…

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 12:51 pm

….?

Go on….?

Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 12:57 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDhsvGUZ008

Pastorius, Metheney, Mays, Brecker, Alias? And Joni? Folkjazzgasm!

chicken_thief October 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm

They fuck alot, too. Also.

tessiee October 9, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Best birthday card ever:
Cover had a picture of a little old granny lady in a rocking chair, with the caption: "now that you've reached the age of maturity, I think it's time you knew about the birds and the bees"
Open. Inside:
"They fuck their brains out".

PugglesRule October 9, 2012 at 1:06 pm

So glad to know the Wonketeers remember their Joni lyrics :) (no snark, only appreciate :D

ProgressiveInga October 9, 2012 at 1:29 pm

"Can't find your goodness 'cause you lost your heart" ♫

Seems like a description of the Rmoney campaign……

tessiee October 9, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Now you've got me missing my clean white linens and my fancy French cologne.

Maman October 9, 2012 at 12:37 pm

haaahahahahahahah…. yeah, right. His blood is too precious to be spilt so commonly.

LibertyLover October 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Naw… Like Cheney and Mitt Romney during the Vietnam War, he probably has better things to do…

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 2:44 am

Yes/All of them, Katie.

I love Paris in the summer when Mitt fizzles…

mille derps October 9, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Who can photoshop Mitt after he's taken hair grooming tips from The Donald?

kittensdontlie October 9, 2012 at 1:34 pm
Gleem McShineys October 9, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Man, someone needs to recommend this look to Mitt ASAP, because apparently he takes all advice.

mille derps October 9, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Thank you- that was very… special.

Toomush_Infer October 9, 2012 at 3:04 pm

That hair is the right length…

Fairtackle October 9, 2012 at 12:34 pm

So Bradbury's martians are real.

Terry October 9, 2012 at 12:34 pm

"Anyway, get used to Tagg Romney, friends. We will probably have him to kick around for a long, long time."

Shouldn't he be away on his mission or something? Or maybe having lots of babies with a sweet young woman who makes jello molds a lot?

Generation[redacted] October 9, 2012 at 1:04 pm

He's busy converting heathen dollars into Mormon dollars.

tessiee October 9, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Also, shouldn't there be jello molds in the shape of boobies?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 9, 2012 at 2:04 pm
DaSandman October 9, 2012 at 12:34 pm

A nice family, a close family, a family of weird cultists like the Manson family.

With a dog lashed to the limo roof and a fucking dancing horse with better health care then you have. And a private jet to boot.

Vote Republican.

Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Doodley doo. (click click)

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 12:35 pm

I'm hoping Romney fucks up as badly as, say Mike Dukakis, that Tagg Romney will be forced to flee to Mexico.

Doktor Zoom October 9, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Search wonkette for all posts tagged tagg. (taking too long? Tagg tag lag, fag.)

noodlesalad October 9, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Drag!

weejee October 9, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Pound tagg – #tagg??

glasspusher October 9, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Fag hag:bag tagg lag!

ProgressiveInga October 9, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Tagg, you're it!

Had to be said.

Esteev October 9, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Tagg, you're shit at investing!

gullywompr October 9, 2012 at 3:58 pm

He is soooooo not it…

BaldarTFlagass October 9, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Modern day Medici's. Except no modern equivalent to the Uffizi.

deanbooth October 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

"I like the Uffizi, but we should not fund it."

Biel_ze_Bubba October 9, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Truly free markets always create great museums.

Indiepalin October 9, 2012 at 12:35 pm

The thought of the Republicans winning the White House and fours years of staring at those in-bred dumbass Romney boys is enough to make me crack open a cold one at 9:00 am

glasspusher October 9, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Well, that's usually when I'm getting home, so what the hey…

chicken_thief October 9, 2012 at 12:59 pm

As does the opposite. There just ain't nothin like a cold one with the morning coffee.

PugglesRule October 9, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Don't crack open a cold one at 9 a.m. – VOTE!!

tessiee October 9, 2012 at 1:15 pm

And that's before you even factor in that smirking ass Ryan.

Callyson October 9, 2012 at 12:35 pm

One adviser, invoking the famous Bob Dole quote from 1988, said the gist will be: “Stop lying about my record.”’

Irony isn't dead–it's proliferating like rabbits…

AddHomonym October 9, 2012 at 12:47 pm

There you go again!

Generation[redacted] October 9, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Where's the beef?!

Heh heh.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 9, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Very devious: there's nothing you can say about Miffed Money that wouldn't be lying about some part of his record!

OkieDokieDog October 9, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Isn't Tagg the Palin kid who thinks that Ted Nugent is cool & awesome?

Beowoof October 9, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Maybe Ted will do the inauguration and serenade Ann with his love song, Wang Dang Sweet Poon Tang.

Gleem McShineys October 9, 2012 at 2:02 pm

It is now Wagg Dagg Sweet Boy Tagg, performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, with a few subtle changes to the lyrics to make it more family-friendly.

stopthemovie October 9, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Did they go around the room and say Tagg your it!

NorthStarSpanx October 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm

I think they just like to bug each other.
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2012/09/01/t

vtxmcrider October 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I once read that his middle name is Team.

hagajim October 9, 2012 at 12:37 pm

WTF? I try to comment and its deleted and I didn't even use the R word or the N word? Just pointed out how bad the Republicans naming conventions are.

no_gravity October 9, 2012 at 12:38 pm

I had 2 posts deleted too.

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 12:42 pm

If you used anything close to the mechanism that fires a gun, it will be deleted. This includes things like the mathematics you learned in high school after algebra and geometry.

no_gravity October 9, 2012 at 12:46 pm

I was a lurker here during the debacle but didn't realize just how many words are #banned. Also, good thing I was a fuckup in HS and never took any math past algebra or geometry there.

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Editrix has seen fit to allow some of them back on board, as a sop to us menial servitudishness type folks who make her munees.

tessiee October 9, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Well, I *took a class* in Tr1g, but to be strictly accurate, I didn't *learn* it.

HistoriCat October 9, 2012 at 2:59 pm

You're my oldest son?

SayItWithWookies October 9, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Tagg Romney? Great — we haven't had an incompetent evil genius behind the scenes since Karl Rove was sadly buried with Andrew Breitbart after surgeons were unable to disconnect the happy couple.

And Eric Fehrenstrom weeps — which should be neat to see, especially when the tears eat through the floor, all Alien-style.

Mumbletypeg October 9, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Alien-style

Just what I was thinking… for Halloween…

tessiee October 9, 2012 at 1:17 pm

"Karl Rove was sadly buried with Andrew Breitbart"

Smithers: For the love of God, Sir, there are two seats in the escape pod!
Mr. Burns: I like to put my feet up.

ManchuCandidate October 9, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Tagg, you're it.

Callyson October 9, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Romney is trying to undergo a political metamorphosis — to shed an image of personal stiffness, and to emerge loose and willing to compromise.

Au contraire–Flip Flopney has a very loose, blowin' with the wind, here's my position of the day image…

BaldarTFlagass October 9, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Good thing they didn't go to school at the same time, because Tagg probably would have been held down and had his name tag cut off by his dad.

PugglesRule October 9, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Tagg can't help being named for a Mormon historical figure, though he could always change it. Unlike the poor gay kid who got his hair cut off.

Maman October 9, 2012 at 12:39 pm

How exactly are Ann and Tagg going to handle town hall style debates where Mittens might have to mingle with others and hence be influenced by words?

Jus_Wonderin October 9, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Later that day, Anna insists on a visit to the town. "Tom" is deathly afraid of being so close to so many people. LaFarge promises to keep him close, but at the town they become separated. While searching for "Tom", LaFarge hears that the Spaulding family in town has miraculously found their lost daughter Lavinia. Desperate to avoid a second devastating heartbreak to his wife, LaFarge stands outside Spaulding's home and finds "Tom" now masquerading as Lavinia. He is able to coax "Tom" to come back, and they run desperately back for their boat to leave town. However, everyone "Tom" passes sees a person of their own—a lost husband, a son, a criminal. The Martian, exhausted from his constant shape-changing, spasms, and dies.

noodlesalad October 9, 2012 at 12:39 pm

I love Tagg's kids: Duck, Duck Jr., Duck III, Duck IV, Duck V, and Goose.

orygoon October 9, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Isn't it Surrogate 1, Surrogate Two, and so on?

mavenmaven October 9, 2012 at 12:40 pm

And then, Tagg went Roggue!

Mumbletypeg October 9, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Has anyone tweeted this yet?

Schmannnity October 9, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Enough about Tagg. What about his other sons, Label, Ensignia, Laundry Mark, and Embroidered Initials?

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 12:41 pm

TATTOO LIBEL!

Esteev October 9, 2012 at 1:10 pm

SCREEN PRINTING LIBEL!

tessiee October 9, 2012 at 1:18 pm

There's also Monogram, but he's a little snooty.

Schmannnity October 9, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Come to think of it, you never hear about Mitt's brother, Glove.

BaldarTFlagass October 9, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I saw that movie when it came out. It really sucked.

orygoon October 9, 2012 at 12:40 pm

We are so doomed. And fired, also.

mrpuma2u October 9, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Does this mean that Tagg is going to join the Utah Air National guard and then not show up for muster for a year?

glasspusher October 9, 2012 at 12:52 pm

More snow in the mountains of Utah. Just sayin'

johnnyzhivago October 9, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Defend Salt Lake City from attacks from the Service Employees Union in Las Vegas..

Callyson October 9, 2012 at 12:41 pm

the Romney campaign was being outspent on the air by the Obama campaign and the GOP-friendly outside groups were running a mostly anti-Obama message rather than a pro-Mitt-one.
“When you’re getting outspent like we were, it’s just been difficult to do as many things as the other guys…"

Really? The Romney people are feeling sorry for themselves because the Super PACs' ads focused on tearing Obama down? Cry me a fucking river, assholes…

4TheTurnstiles October 9, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Could it be that Mitt Romney is too damn lazy to shake his own Etch-a-Sketch? He has to have his kid do it for him?

Pragmatist2 October 9, 2012 at 12:45 pm

He's too lazy to shake his own dick. he has people for that.

Beowoof October 9, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Ann !libel!

zumpie October 9, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Like she'd ever touch something so dirty and icky.

Gleem McShineys October 9, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Look, the Marital Bliss Procreation Unit has no place on the campaign trail, where it might get molested by overzealous fans. His technicians unthreaded it from its socket and it is packed it safely in a crate in La Jolla. None of his staff better be doing anything with it, let alone shaking it.

Boojum October 9, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Tagg does Track. Track plays Tagg. Tagg/Track gay marriage 2024!

Beowoof October 9, 2012 at 1:05 pm

What about Twig, think Elmer Fudd in pronunciation.

gullywompr October 9, 2012 at 12:43 pm

The Kennedys of Utah?

weejee October 9, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Moar like the Kims of North Korea.

LibertyLover October 9, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I disagree. I think Egg Romney is more like Barbara Bush than anyone knows. Please don't let her be a first lady…her sense of entitlement makes me all stabby inside.

PugglesRule October 9, 2012 at 1:10 pm

She's the Blonde Babs. I wonder what she thought (or said) about the Katrina refugees in the Astrodome?

LibertyLover October 9, 2012 at 1:21 pm

"Let's convert them?"

LibertyLover October 9, 2012 at 1:23 pm

"Let's Adopt them?"

Esteev October 9, 2012 at 1:39 pm

"Are they going to be late for work?"

Chet Kincaid_ October 9, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Cool, the Solamere Capital Ponzi Scheme!! Now us liberals get to run around screaming about some shady business that starts with "Sol"!! http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2011/11/01/31604

UnholyMoses October 9, 2012 at 12:46 pm

"Generic promises to do better" is how I get through performance appraisals here at work.

PsycWench October 9, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Did Sarah Palin help Romney select his children's names?

glasspusher October 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

"Sarah Palin" and "help" in the same sentence make me cringe.

tessiee October 9, 2012 at 1:19 pm

"Sarah Palin" in any sentence makes me cringe.

tessiee October 9, 2012 at 1:20 pm

*kicks wench lightly in ankle under table*
Shuttduuuppp!
Do you want to summon her, like Beetlejuice?

Gleem McShineys October 9, 2012 at 2:15 pm

PALINJUICE PALINJUICE PALINJUICE!

HistoriCat October 9, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Ew – gross.

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 2:51 am

Other way around. Mitt is the OG in this situation.

LibertyLover October 9, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Which one took Mitt's cheat notes/hankie from Mittens on debate night? He's the one you can't trust.

iburl October 9, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Romney/Ryan 2012:
Generic Promises To Do Better

Esteev October 9, 2012 at 1:42 pm

That's what a Real Leader does.

PsycWench October 9, 2012 at 12:49 pm

“the best way to win [is] to point out President Barack Obama’s flaws and articulate generic promises to do better.”

New Romney Sign: "I'm White".

tessiee October 9, 2012 at 1:21 pm

I'm pretty sure that's been the sum and substance of his campaign all along.

chicken_thief October 9, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Egg is the new Nancy?! So she gives the best head in Hollywood?

SayItWithWookies October 9, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Abstinence is the new head. It's like Henry VIII is running the place.

LibrarianX October 9, 2012 at 1:30 pm

OMG! With those TEETH??

DahBoner October 9, 2012 at 2:17 pm

She takes out the dentures frist.

vtxmcrider October 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm

When she gets the urge, she just slides her magic panties over her face.

JadedPreppy October 9, 2012 at 12:52 pm

With his shady background and his love for Bryl-Cream, it sounds like his nickname should be "The Ponz".

Beowoof October 9, 2012 at 1:07 pm

I think "The Putz" works better for Mitt, but that's just me.

Weenus299 October 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

I do solemnly swear that if those fuckos get elected, I will be sad.

calliecallie October 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm

I guess Tagg and Egg have set their hopes on living in the White House. If not in 2013, then perhaps some day…

I'm sure Mittens would be welcome to join them, even if he feels it's really "Ann's thing."

BaldarTFlagass October 9, 2012 at 12:59 pm

With a name like Tagg, I bet his junior high school years were a living hell. Either that or he went by another name.

Esteev October 9, 2012 at 1:45 pm

"Bragg"

GunToting[Redacted] October 9, 2012 at 1:47 pm

C'mon… When daddy has money, you could be named SnoBlower and your life would be fine.

vtxmcrider October 9, 2012 at 4:09 pm

The other kids started by calling him Fag, which led directly to his being called Tagg.

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 2:53 am

With a daddy like Mitt, I bet he had the other students kissing his ever-loving ass.

owhatever October 9, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Egg will cut your nuts off.

TootsStansbury October 9, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Hiw many times is the Mittster going to reinvent itself? Great Mormon Jebus, he's worse than Madonna.

Gleem McShineys October 9, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Viruses are known for reinventing themselves a lot, too.

MonkeyMotion October 9, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Hmmm — following the pattern, maybe Condi could be VP; John Bolten Secretary of War, etc.

We could finally start another war (Iran, you payin' attention?), more tax cuts for the gazillionaires, scandals, environmental disasters, flat earth vs round earth debates…

Must we wait until 2024?

dennis1943 October 9, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Let Kolob rejoice…!

LibrarianX October 9, 2012 at 1:29 pm

The only Romney getting my vote is Seamus.

RevJuanMessycan October 9, 2012 at 1:38 pm

1) I thought Ann was more like Laura Bush, favoring the pillbox (I don't mean Jackie's hats) – yes, I know, MS, I'm an evil extrapolator.
2) Less Tagg, more about the adventures of the gay-messican-looking one down south (and I don't mean just Chile but south of his MagicUnderoo's patented waistband) because he quacks a little too well for my duckdar
3) this should turn out well, because I'm sure Ann and Tagg are just that much more in touch with real Amercia than Onesie Willard…
4) I repeat my FB question: Taggart after Dagny OR James?

PubOption October 9, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Jim 'There's been a murrderrr' Taggart.

vtxmcrider October 9, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I'm right with you on point # 2 (Craig is her name).

Woodshedding October 9, 2012 at 1:39 pm

No snark – though W was the stupidest person in the universe, still it's so very clear he knew the evil he was involved in. This news about Tagg etc pretty much supports my feeling that Mitt is not only tied in dumbosity, but also beats W in ignorance of what's actually going on, by several lengths.

DahBoner October 9, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Tagg Romney?

I can smell the Axe body deodorant all the way over here…

vtxmcrider October 9, 2012 at 4:13 pm

… to kill the smell of the Santorum.

gurukalehuru October 9, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Tagg? Is he secretly a Palin who was abducted in infancy and sold to Mormons?

TootsStansbury October 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Oh and the photo? Didn't Forrest Gump meet with LBJ in that movie? Was it Poppi Bush?

ttommyunger October 9, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Alt Cap: "Twerp & Twat"

Negropolis October 10, 2012 at 2:43 am

Tagg/You're It! 2024

richsottilaro October 19, 2012 at 12:39 am

remember the republicans are not a party any longer they are a mental condition. Good luck in 19 days!!!

weejee October 9, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Stroke, after the buttsechs.

actor212 October 9, 2012 at 12:48 pm

I haven't had a stroke after buttsechs, but I have been short of breath

bobbert October 9, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Wowzers. That one's right down the middle for me.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 9, 2012 at 1:59 pm
tessiee October 9, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I think you're supposed to *stoke* the star-maker machinery, and *stroke* the popular schlong.

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