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Tagg Romney To Be Our New George W. Bush

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Thug lifeDo you ever wish you could see into the future? Well thanks to today’s Politico story on how the Romney family has finally wrested control of Miffed’s campaign from the seriously incompetent Stuart Stevenses et alia, we now know that Tagg Romney has taken on the role of enforcer in his dad’s campaign. This makes him, obviously, the new George W. Bush, who played the thug so well for his own father’s presidential runs. (Egg Romney, duh, is the new Nancy, stone cold firing Donald Regan and shit.) Does that mean Tagg Romney for president in like 2024? HOPEFULLY!

Now, to us the most important part of this story is how Miffed Romney is a gullible sap who listens to bad advice from everyone and then takes it. (Because that is how leadership works.)

“Romney gets buffeted by all this advice because Romney takes everybody seriously,” the family friend said. “He thinks, ‘Well, gee, I’m talking to businessman X or C or Y. They’re really smart. That’s something I need to factor into my thinking.’”

You know who Romney should listen to more? Really smart businessman Donald J. Trump!

Other fun parts of the story include that Tagg and Egg had to have an intervention to get Ol’ Mittens to stop listening to everyone’s bullshit. They were the ones who were all like, “oh hey, why not try being moderate again, like you should have done immediately after you’d wrapped up the nomination, idiot?” It is Tagg’s job to keep Romney in a bubble away from people who would give him advice. It is Egg’s job to be mad all the time. It is “chief strategist” (not anymore) Stuart Stevens’ job to say things like “Whatever you do, don’t give a speech on foreign policy, because that would be an opportunity to demonstrate some level of comfort with what amounts to like half the president’s job,” and “the best way to win [is] to point out President Barack Obama’s flaws and articulate generic promises to do better.” (That last one is actually a real paraphrase from Politico. Yowch.)

“Generic promises to do better” sounds like not at all the worst strategy since the Redcoats stood in formation to be murdered by our domestic terrorists! We hope Stuart Stevens runs every GOP campaign for the rest of his natural life, and then the ones for Zone Three ward boss in hell.

Anyway, get used to Tagg Romney, friends. We will probably have him to kick around for a long, long time.

[Politico]

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Comments

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  • Beowoof

    They all believe the same bullshit, so it is the blinded by the right, leading the blinded by the right..

    • el_donaldo

      blinded by the right
      cut loose like a deuce, sent Stuart into the night
      blinded by the right
      Tagg brought it down with his ass all tight, and he set Stuart right.

      • Beowoof

        I was thinking after I posted that I should have went with, lie like a douche, send grandma into the night.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    We will probably have him to kick around for a long, long time.

    Kicking a Romney?* Everybody get in line, behind me.

    (* I mean with votes, of course. Or steel-toed shoes.)

    • nounverb911

      Needs more Rosa Klebb.

    • sullivanst

      Can I kick it?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      What this country needs is good, affordable, steel-toed votes.
      (We'll add our own bootstraps later, thank you fucking much.)

    • vtxmcrider

      Spurs would be good.

  • nounverb911

    Is Tagg going to join the Air National Guard, or is he going to hide in Paris for two years like his dad?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Hey, he was a free man in Paris, he felt unfettered and almost alive.

      • ProgressiveInga

        He would go back there tomorrow but for the work he's taken on.

        • commiegirl99

          Hey this starmaker machine isn't gonna stoke itself you guys!

          • el_donaldo

            stoke, or stroke?

          • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

            Stroke, after the buttsechs.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            I haven't had a stroke after buttsechs, but I have been short of breath

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Behind a popular schlong?

          • tessiee

            I think you're supposed to *stoke* the star-maker machinery, and *stroke* the popular schlong.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        In France, they kiss on Main Street! Kissing under bridges, kissing in cars, kissing in cafes…

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          ….?

          Go on….?

        • chicken_thief

          They fuck alot, too. Also.

          • tessiee

            Best birthday card ever:
            Cover had a picture of a little old granny lady in a rocking chair, with the caption: "now that you've reached the age of maturity, I think it's time you knew about the birds and the bees"
            Open. Inside:
            "They fuck their brains out".

      • PugglesRule

        So glad to know the Wonketeers remember their Joni lyrics :) (no snark, only appreciate :D

        • ProgressiveInga

          "Can't find your goodness 'cause you lost your heart" ♫

          Seems like a description of the Rmoney campaign……

      • tessiee

        Now you've got me missing my clean white linens and my fancy French cologne.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      haaahahahahahahah…. yeah, right. His blood is too precious to be spilt so commonly.

    • LibertyLover

      Naw… Like Cheney and Mitt Romney during the Vietnam War, he probably has better things to do…

    • Negropolis

      Yes/All of them, Katie.

      I love Paris in the summer when Mitt fizzles…

  • mille derps

    Who can photoshop Mitt after he's taken hair grooming tips from The Donald?

    • kittensdontlie
      • Gleem McShineys

        Man, someone needs to recommend this look to Mitt ASAP, because apparently he takes all advice.

      • mille derps

        Thank you- that was very… special.

      • Toomush_Infer

        That hair is the right length…

  • Fairtackle

    So Bradbury's martians are real.

  • Terry

    "Anyway, get used to Tagg Romney, friends. We will probably have him to kick around for a long, long time."

    Shouldn't he be away on his mission or something? Or maybe having lots of babies with a sweet young woman who makes jello molds a lot?

    • Generation[redacted]

      He's busy converting heathen dollars into Mormon dollars.

    • tessiee

      Also, shouldn't there be jello molds in the shape of boobies?

  • DaSandman

    A nice family, a close family, a family of weird cultists like the Manson family.

    With a dog lashed to the limo roof and a fucking dancing horse with better health care then you have. And a private jet to boot.

    Vote Republican.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Doodley doo. (click click)

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I'm hoping Romney fucks up as badly as, say Mike Dukakis, that Tagg Romney will be forced to flee to Mexico.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Search wonkette for all posts tagged tagg. (taking too long? Tagg tag lag, fag.)

    • noodlesalad

      Drag!

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        Pound tagg – #tagg??

        • glasspusher

          Fag hag:bag tagg lag!

  • ProgressiveInga

    Tagg, you're it!

    Had to be said.

    • Esteev

      Tagg, you're shit at investing!

    • gullywompr

      He is soooooo not it…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Modern day Medici's. Except no modern equivalent to the Uffizi.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      "I like the Uffizi, but we should not fund it."

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Truly free markets always create great museums.

  • Indiepalin

    The thought of the Republicans winning the White House and fours years of staring at those in-bred dumbass Romney boys is enough to make me crack open a cold one at 9:00 am

    • glasspusher

      Well, that's usually when I'm getting home, so what the hey…

    • chicken_thief

      As does the opposite. There just ain't nothin like a cold one with the morning coffee.

    • PugglesRule

      Don't crack open a cold one at 9 a.m. – VOTE!!

    • tessiee

      And that's before you even factor in that smirking ass Ryan.

  • Callyson

    One adviser, invoking the famous Bob Dole quote from 1988, said the gist will be: “Stop lying about my record.”’

    Irony isn't dead–it's proliferating like rabbits…

    • AddHomonym

      There you go again!

      • Generation[redacted]

        Where's the beef?!

        Heh heh.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Very devious: there's nothing you can say about Miffed Money that wouldn't be lying about some part of his record!

  • OkieDokieDog

    Isn't Tagg the Palin kid who thinks that Ted Nugent is cool & awesome?

    • Beowoof

      Maybe Ted will do the inauguration and serenade Ann with his love song, Wang Dang Sweet Poon Tang.

      • Gleem McShineys

        It is now Wagg Dagg Sweet Boy Tagg, performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, with a few subtle changes to the lyrics to make it more family-friendly.

  • stopthemovie

    Did they go around the room and say Tagg your it!

  • hagajim

    WTF? I try to comment and its deleted and I didn't even use the R word or the N word? Just pointed out how bad the Republicans naming conventions are.

    • no_gravity

      I had 2 posts deleted too.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      If you used anything close to the mechanism that fires a gun, it will be deleted. This includes things like the mathematics you learned in high school after algebra and geometry.

      • no_gravity

        I was a lurker here during the debacle but didn't realize just how many words are #banned. Also, good thing I was a fuckup in HS and never took any math past algebra or geometry there.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Editrix has seen fit to allow some of them back on board, as a sop to us menial servitudishness type folks who make her munees.

      • tessiee

        Well, I *took a class* in Tr1g, but to be strictly accurate, I didn't *learn* it.

        • HistoriCat

          You're my oldest son?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Tagg Romney? Great — we haven't had an incompetent evil genius behind the scenes since Karl Rove was sadly buried with Andrew Breitbart after surgeons were unable to disconnect the happy couple.

    And Eric Fehrenstrom weeps — which should be neat to see, especially when the tears eat through the floor, all Alien-style.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Alien-style

      Just what I was thinking… for Halloween…

    • tessiee

      "Karl Rove was sadly buried with Andrew Breitbart"

      Smithers: For the love of God, Sir, there are two seats in the escape pod!
      Mr. Burns: I like to put my feet up.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Tagg, you're it.

  • Callyson

    Romney is trying to undergo a political metamorphosis — to shed an image of personal stiffness, and to emerge loose and willing to compromise.

    Au contraire–Flip Flopney has a very loose, blowin' with the wind, here's my position of the day image…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Good thing they didn't go to school at the same time, because Tagg probably would have been held down and had his name tag cut off by his dad.

    • PugglesRule

      Tagg can't help being named for a Mormon historical figure, though he could always change it. Unlike the poor gay kid who got his hair cut off.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    How exactly are Ann and Tagg going to handle town hall style debates where Mittens might have to mingle with others and hence be influenced by words?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Later that day, Anna insists on a visit to the town. "Tom" is deathly afraid of being so close to so many people. LaFarge promises to keep him close, but at the town they become separated. While searching for "Tom", LaFarge hears that the Spaulding family in town has miraculously found their lost daughter Lavinia. Desperate to avoid a second devastating heartbreak to his wife, LaFarge stands outside Spaulding's home and finds "Tom" now masquerading as Lavinia. He is able to coax "Tom" to come back, and they run desperately back for their boat to leave town. However, everyone "Tom" passes sees a person of their own—a lost husband, a son, a criminal. The Martian, exhausted from his constant shape-changing, spasms, and dies.

  • noodlesalad

    I love Tagg's kids: Duck, Duck Jr., Duck III, Duck IV, Duck V, and Goose.

    • orygoon

      Isn't it Surrogate 1, Surrogate Two, and so on?

  • mavenmaven

    And then, Tagg went Roggue!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Has anyone tweeted this yet?

  • Schmannnity

    Enough about Tagg. What about his other sons, Label, Ensignia, Laundry Mark, and Embroidered Initials?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      TATTOO LIBEL!

    • Esteev

      SCREEN PRINTING LIBEL!

    • tessiee

      There's also Monogram, but he's a little snooty.

    • Schmannnity

      Come to think of it, you never hear about Mitt's brother, Glove.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I saw that movie when it came out. It really sucked.

  • orygoon

    We are so doomed. And fired, also.

  • mrpuma2u

    Does this mean that Tagg is going to join the Utah Air National guard and then not show up for muster for a year?

    • glasspusher

      More snow in the mountains of Utah. Just sayin'

    • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

      Defend Salt Lake City from attacks from the Service Employees Union in Las Vegas..

  • Callyson

    the Romney campaign was being outspent on the air by the Obama campaign and the GOP-friendly outside groups were running a mostly anti-Obama message rather than a pro-Mitt-one.
    “When you’re getting outspent like we were, it’s just been difficult to do as many things as the other guys…"

    Really? The Romney people are feeling sorry for themselves because the Super PACs' ads focused on tearing Obama down? Cry me a fucking river, assholes…

  • http://for-the-turnstiles.blogspot.com 4TheTurnstiles

    Could it be that Mitt Romney is too damn lazy to shake his own Etch-a-Sketch? He has to have his kid do it for him?

    • Pragmatist2

      He's too lazy to shake his own dick. he has people for that.

      • Beowoof

        Ann !libel!

        • zumpie

          Like she'd ever touch something so dirty and icky.

      • Gleem McShineys

        Look, the Marital Bliss Procreation Unit has no place on the campaign trail, where it might get molested by overzealous fans. His technicians unthreaded it from its socket and it is packed it safely in a crate in La Jolla. None of his staff better be doing anything with it, let alone shaking it.

  • Boojum

    Tagg does Track. Track plays Tagg. Tagg/Track gay marriage 2024!

    • Beowoof

      What about Twig, think Elmer Fudd in pronunciation.

  • gullywompr

    The Kennedys of Utah?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Moar like the Kims of North Korea.

  • LibertyLover

    I disagree. I think Egg Romney is more like Barbara Bush than anyone knows. Please don't let her be a first lady…her sense of entitlement makes me all stabby inside.

    • PugglesRule

      She's the Blonde Babs. I wonder what she thought (or said) about the Katrina refugees in the Astrodome?

      • LibertyLover

        "Let's convert them?"

      • LibertyLover

        "Let's Adopt them?"

      • Esteev

        "Are they going to be late for work?"

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Cool, the Solamere Capital Ponzi Scheme!! Now us liberals get to run around screaming about some shady business that starts with "Sol"!! http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2011/11/01/31604

  • UnholyMoses

    "Generic promises to do better" is how I get through performance appraisals here at work.

  • PsycWench

    Did Sarah Palin help Romney select his children's names?

    • glasspusher

      "Sarah Palin" and "help" in the same sentence make me cringe.

      • tessiee

        "Sarah Palin" in any sentence makes me cringe.

    • tessiee

      *kicks wench lightly in ankle under table*
      Shuttduuuppp!
      Do you want to summon her, like Beetlejuice?

      • Gleem McShineys

        PALINJUICE PALINJUICE PALINJUICE!

        • HistoriCat

          Ew – gross.

    • Negropolis

      Other way around. Mitt is the OG in this situation.

  • LibertyLover

    Which one took Mitt's cheat notes/hankie from Mittens on debate night? He's the one you can't trust.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Romney/Ryan 2012:
    Generic Promises To Do Better

    • Esteev

      That's what a Real Leader does.

  • PsycWench

    “the best way to win [is] to point out President Barack Obama’s flaws and articulate generic promises to do better.”

    New Romney Sign: "I'm White".

    • tessiee

      I'm pretty sure that's been the sum and substance of his campaign all along.

  • chicken_thief

    Egg is the new Nancy?! So she gives the best head in Hollywood?

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Abstinence is the new head. It's like Henry VIII is running the place.

    • LibrarianX

      OMG! With those TEETH??

      • DahBoner

        She takes out the dentures frist.

    • vtxmcrider

      When she gets the urge, she just slides her magic panties over her face.

  • JadedPreppy

    With his shady background and his love for Bryl-Cream, it sounds like his nickname should be "The Ponz".

    • Beowoof

      I think "The Putz" works better for Mitt, but that's just me.

  • Weenus299

    I do solemnly swear that if those fuckos get elected, I will be sad.

  • calliecallie

    I guess Tagg and Egg have set their hopes on living in the White House. If not in 2013, then perhaps some day…

    I'm sure Mittens would be welcome to join them, even if he feels it's really "Ann's thing."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    With a name like Tagg, I bet his junior high school years were a living hell. Either that or he went by another name.

    • Esteev

      "Bragg"

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      C'mon… When daddy has money, you could be named SnoBlower and your life would be fine.

    • vtxmcrider

      The other kids started by calling him Fag, which led directly to his being called Tagg.

    • Negropolis

      With a daddy like Mitt, I bet he had the other students kissing his ever-loving ass.

  • owhatever

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    Egg will cut your nuts off.

  • TootsStansbury

    Hiw many times is the Mittster going to reinvent itself? Great Mormon Jebus, he's worse than Madonna.

    • Gleem McShineys

      Viruses are known for reinventing themselves a lot, too.

  • MonkeyMotion

    Hmmm — following the pattern, maybe Condi could be VP; John Bolten Secretary of War, etc.

    We could finally start another war (Iran, you payin' attention?), more tax cuts for the gazillionaires, scandals, environmental disasters, flat earth vs round earth debates…

    Must we wait until 2024?

  • dennis1943

    Let Kolob rejoice…!

  • LibrarianX

    The only Romney getting my vote is Seamus.

  • RevJuanMessycan

    1) I thought Ann was more like Laura Bush, favoring the pillbox (I don't mean Jackie's hats) – yes, I know, MS, I'm an evil extrapolator.
    2) Less Tagg, more about the adventures of the gay-messican-looking one down south (and I don't mean just Chile but south of his MagicUnderoo's patented waistband) because he quacks a little too well for my duckdar
    3) this should turn out well, because I'm sure Ann and Tagg are just that much more in touch with real Amercia than Onesie Willard…
    4) I repeat my FB question: Taggart after Dagny OR James?

    • PubOption

      Jim 'There's been a murrderrr' Taggart.

    • vtxmcrider

      I'm right with you on point # 2 (Craig is her name).

  • Woodshedding

    No snark – though W was the stupidest person in the universe, still it's so very clear he knew the evil he was involved in. This news about Tagg etc pretty much supports my feeling that Mitt is not only tied in dumbosity, but also beats W in ignorance of what's actually going on, by several lengths.

  • DahBoner

    Tagg Romney?

    I can smell the Axe body deodorant all the way over here…

    • vtxmcrider

      … to kill the smell of the Santorum.

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    Tagg? Is he secretly a Palin who was abducted in infancy and sold to Mormons?

  • TootsStansbury

    Oh and the photo? Didn't Forrest Gump meet with LBJ in that movie? Was it Poppi Bush?

  • ttommyunger

    Alt Cap: "Twerp & Twat"

  • Negropolis

    Tagg/You're It! 2024

  • richsottilaro

    remember the republicans are not a party any longer they are a mental condition. Good luck in 19 days!!!