the enforcerer

Tagg Romney To Be Our New George W. Bush

Thug lifeDo you ever wish you could see into the future? Well thanks to today’s Politico story on how the Romney family has finally wrested control of Miffed’s campaign from the seriously incompetent Stuart Stevenses et alia, we now know that Tagg Romney has taken on the role of enforcer in his dad’s campaign. This makes him, obviously, the new George W. Bush, who played the thug so well for his own father’s presidential runs. (Egg Romney, duh, is the new Nancy, stone cold firing Donald Regan and shit.) Does that mean Tagg Romney for president in like 2024? HOPEFULLY!

Now, to us the most important part of this story is how Miffed Romney is a gullible sap who listens to bad advice from everyone and then takes it. (Because that is how leadership works.)

“Romney gets buffeted by all this advice because Romney takes everybody seriously,” the family friend said. “He thinks, ‘Well, gee, I’m talking to businessman X or C or Y. They’re really smart. That’s something I need to factor into my thinking.’”

You know who Romney should listen to more? Really smart businessman Donald J. Trump!

Other fun parts of the story include that Tagg and Egg had to have an intervention to get Ol’ Mittens to stop listening to everyone’s bullshit. They were the ones who were all like, “oh hey, why not try being moderate again, like you should have done immediately after you’d wrapped up the nomination, idiot?” It is Tagg’s job to keep Romney in a bubble away from people who would give him advice. It is Egg’s job to be mad all the time. It is “chief strategist” (not anymore) Stuart Stevens’ job to say things like “Whatever you do, don’t give a speech on foreign policy, because that would be an opportunity to demonstrate some level of comfort with what amounts to like half the president’s job,” and “the best way to win [is] to point out President Barack Obama’s flaws and articulate generic promises to do better.” (That last one is actually a real paraphrase from Politico. Yowch.)

“Generic promises to do better” sounds like not at all the worst strategy since the Redcoats stood in formation to be murdered by our domestic terrorists! We hope Stuart Stevens runs every GOP campaign for the rest of his natural life, and then the ones for Zone Three ward boss in hell.

Anyway, get used to Tagg Romney, friends. We will probably have him to kick around for a long, long time.


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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  1. Beowoof

    They all believe the same bullshit, so it is the blinded by the right, leading the blinded by the right..

    1. el_donaldo

      blinded by the right
      cut loose like a deuce, sent Stuart into the night
      blinded by the right
      Tagg brought it down with his ass all tight, and he set Stuart right.

      1. Beowoof

        I was thinking after I posted that I should have went with, lie like a douche, send grandma into the night.

  2. Lascauxcaveman

    We will probably have him to kick around for a long, long time.

    Kicking a Romney?* Everybody get in line, behind me.

    (* I mean with votes, of course. Or steel-toed shoes.)

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      What this country needs is good, affordable, steel-toed votes.
      (We'll add our own bootstraps later, thank you fucking much.)

  3. nounverb911

    Is Tagg going to join the Air National Guard, or is he going to hide in Paris for two years like his dad?

          1. tessiee

            I think you're supposed to *stoke* the star-maker machinery, and *stroke* the popular schlong.

          1. tessiee

            Best birthday card ever:
            Cover had a picture of a little old granny lady in a rocking chair, with the caption: "now that you've reached the age of maturity, I think it's time you knew about the birds and the bees"
            Open. Inside:
            "They fuck their brains out".

      1. PugglesRule

        So glad to know the Wonketeers remember their Joni lyrics :) (no snark, only appreciate :D

        1. ProgressiveInga

          "Can't find your goodness 'cause you lost your heart" ♫

          Seems like a description of the Rmoney campaign……

    1. LibertyLover

      Naw… Like Cheney and Mitt Romney during the Vietnam War, he probably has better things to do…

      1. Gleem McShineys

        Man, someone needs to recommend this look to Mitt ASAP, because apparently he takes all advice.

  4. Terry

    "Anyway, get used to Tagg Romney, friends. We will probably have him to kick around for a long, long time."

    Shouldn't he be away on his mission or something? Or maybe having lots of babies with a sweet young woman who makes jello molds a lot?

  5. DaSandman

    A nice family, a close family, a family of weird cultists like the Manson family.

    With a dog lashed to the limo roof and a fucking dancing horse with better health care then you have. And a private jet to boot.

    Vote Republican.

  6. Indiepalin

    The thought of the Republicans winning the White House and fours years of staring at those in-bred dumbass Romney boys is enough to make me crack open a cold one at 9:00 am

  7. Callyson

    One adviser, invoking the famous Bob Dole quote from 1988, said the gist will be: “Stop lying about my record.”’

    Irony isn't dead–it's proliferating like rabbits…

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Very devious: there's nothing you can say about Miffed Money that wouldn't be lying about some part of his record!

    1. Beowoof

      Maybe Ted will do the inauguration and serenade Ann with his love song, Wang Dang Sweet Poon Tang.

      1. Gleem McShineys

        It is now Wagg Dagg Sweet Boy Tagg, performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, with a few subtle changes to the lyrics to make it more family-friendly.

  8. hagajim

    WTF? I try to comment and its deleted and I didn't even use the R word or the N word? Just pointed out how bad the Republicans naming conventions are.

    1. actor212

      If you used anything close to the mechanism that fires a gun, it will be deleted. This includes things like the mathematics you learned in high school after algebra and geometry.

      1. no_gravity

        I was a lurker here during the debacle but didn't realize just how many words are #banned. Also, good thing I was a fuckup in HS and never took any math past algebra or geometry there.

  9. SayItWithWookies

    Tagg Romney? Great — we haven't had an incompetent evil genius behind the scenes since Karl Rove was sadly buried with Andrew Breitbart after surgeons were unable to disconnect the happy couple.

    And Eric Fehrenstrom weeps — which should be neat to see, especially when the tears eat through the floor, all Alien-style.

    1. tessiee

      "Karl Rove was sadly buried with Andrew Breitbart"

      Smithers: For the love of God, Sir, there are two seats in the escape pod!
      Mr. Burns: I like to put my feet up.

  10. Callyson

    Romney is trying to undergo a political metamorphosis — to shed an image of personal stiffness, and to emerge loose and willing to compromise.

    Au contraire–Flip Flopney has a very loose, blowin' with the wind, here's my position of the day image…

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    Good thing they didn't go to school at the same time, because Tagg probably would have been held down and had his name tag cut off by his dad.

    1. PugglesRule

      Tagg can't help being named for a Mormon historical figure, though he could always change it. Unlike the poor gay kid who got his hair cut off.

  12. Maman

    How exactly are Ann and Tagg going to handle town hall style debates where Mittens might have to mingle with others and hence be influenced by words?

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Later that day, Anna insists on a visit to the town. "Tom" is deathly afraid of being so close to so many people. LaFarge promises to keep him close, but at the town they become separated. While searching for "Tom", LaFarge hears that the Spaulding family in town has miraculously found their lost daughter Lavinia. Desperate to avoid a second devastating heartbreak to his wife, LaFarge stands outside Spaulding's home and finds "Tom" now masquerading as Lavinia. He is able to coax "Tom" to come back, and they run desperately back for their boat to leave town. However, everyone "Tom" passes sees a person of their own—a lost husband, a son, a criminal. The Martian, exhausted from his constant shape-changing, spasms, and dies.

  13. Schmannnity

    Enough about Tagg. What about his other sons, Label, Ensignia, Laundry Mark, and Embroidered Initials?

  14. mrpuma2u

    Does this mean that Tagg is going to join the Utah Air National guard and then not show up for muster for a year?

  15. Callyson

    the Romney campaign was being outspent on the air by the Obama campaign and the GOP-friendly outside groups were running a mostly anti-Obama message rather than a pro-Mitt-one.
    “When you’re getting outspent like we were, it’s just been difficult to do as many things as the other guys…"

    Really? The Romney people are feeling sorry for themselves because the Super PACs' ads focused on tearing Obama down? Cry me a fucking river, assholes…

      1. Gleem McShineys

        Look, the Marital Bliss Procreation Unit has no place on the campaign trail, where it might get molested by overzealous fans. His technicians unthreaded it from its socket and it is packed it safely in a crate in La Jolla. None of his staff better be doing anything with it, let alone shaking it.

  16. LibertyLover

    I disagree. I think Egg Romney is more like Barbara Bush than anyone knows. Please don't let her be a first lady…her sense of entitlement makes me all stabby inside.

    1. PugglesRule

      She's the Blonde Babs. I wonder what she thought (or said) about the Katrina refugees in the Astrodome?

    1. tessiee

      *kicks wench lightly in ankle under table*
      Do you want to summon her, like Beetlejuice?

  17. LibertyLover

    Which one took Mitt's cheat notes/hankie from Mittens on debate night? He's the one you can't trust.

  18. PsycWench

    “the best way to win [is] to point out President Barack Obama’s flaws and articulate generic promises to do better.”

    New Romney Sign: "I'm White".

  19. JadedPreppy

    With his shady background and his love for Bryl-Cream, it sounds like his nickname should be "The Ponz".

  20. calliecallie

    I guess Tagg and Egg have set their hopes on living in the White House. If not in 2013, then perhaps some day…

    I'm sure Mittens would be welcome to join them, even if he feels it's really "Ann's thing."

  21. BaldarTFlagass

    With a name like Tagg, I bet his junior high school years were a living hell. Either that or he went by another name.

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      C'mon… When daddy has money, you could be named SnoBlower and your life would be fine.

  22. TootsStansbury

    Hiw many times is the Mittster going to reinvent itself? Great Mormon Jebus, he's worse than Madonna.

  23. MonkeyMotion

    Hmmm — following the pattern, maybe Condi could be VP; John Bolten Secretary of War, etc.

    We could finally start another war (Iran, you payin' attention?), more tax cuts for the gazillionaires, scandals, environmental disasters, flat earth vs round earth debates…

    Must we wait until 2024?

  24. RevJuanMessycan

    1) I thought Ann was more like Laura Bush, favoring the pillbox (I don't mean Jackie's hats) – yes, I know, MS, I'm an evil extrapolator.
    2) Less Tagg, more about the adventures of the gay-messican-looking one down south (and I don't mean just Chile but south of his MagicUnderoo's patented waistband) because he quacks a little too well for my duckdar
    3) this should turn out well, because I'm sure Ann and Tagg are just that much more in touch with real Amercia than Onesie Willard…
    4) I repeat my FB question: Taggart after Dagny OR James?

  25. Woodshedding

    No snark – though W was the stupidest person in the universe, still it's so very clear he knew the evil he was involved in. This news about Tagg etc pretty much supports my feeling that Mitt is not only tied in dumbosity, but also beats W in ignorance of what's actually going on, by several lengths.

  26. richsottilaro

    remember the republicans are not a party any longer they are a mental condition. Good luck in 19 days!!!

Comments are closed.