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Ancient things are happening!Every crew of friends has its successful members and its fuck-ups. The latter can often be found on the former’s lovely Teutonic couch, sleeping off a long night of getting wasted on ouzo and freak-dancing to the music of Yanni. This is sort of exactly what is happening right now between Germany and Greece, two hardcore straight-up G’s who couldn’t be more different in their approach to fiscal responsibility. While Germany was once upon a time the meanest bitch in high school, she has matured into a lovely young woman who really has her head on straight. Unfortunately, Greece, which showed such amazing promise in nursery school, has degenerated into a hot mess, the kind of gal who stumbles into work two hours late wearing a spanakopita-stained outfit from the day before. Germany is all, “Yeah, you can crash with me, but you’re gonna have to help out around the house and be in by 10 each night” and Greece is all, “You don’t fuckin’ OWN ME! You think you’re better?” and Germany is like, “Noooo…I just, um…I think it’s time someone created some boundaries for you?”

All this is just to say that Angie Merkel is in Greece, and the Greeks are not psyched.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel expressed solidarity with Greece Tuesday on a trip to Athens, even as tens of thousands of Greeks rallied to show their anger toward her over the hardship their country is suffering.

Critics see Merkel as the main enforcer of the European Union-imposed austerity measures that have left a large number of Greeks unemployed and streaming to soup kitchens for a hot meal.

Police estimate as many as 25,000 people turned out to demonstrate in central Athens, despite a ban on protests in certain areas amid beefed-up security for Merkel’s six-hour visit.

53.8% of Greeks younger than 25 are unemployed, and historically an economic crisis is always really great for a country’s mood and social climate, in particular its attitude toward minorities and immigrants. Angela Merkel, who maybe knows something about that, is trying to be all, “Hey, we’re buddies here, you guys. We’re friends. I’m here to help. I get you.” and Greece is putting its fingers in its ears and shrieking, “FUCK OFF SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!”

What a fun six-hour vacation for her! We are sure she is sending happy postcards back home right this second.


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