Your Editrix, being the mama of an 18-year-old man, is not entirely unamenable to the ideas proposed by Arkansas’s latest political fameball, one Charlie Fuqua, a candidate for the Arkansas House who’s just the last in a long string of thoughtful and wise natives to the state. Not only is she not necessarily unamenable, but in fact, she’s downright intrigued! What does Charlie Fuqua want? He wants us to kill all children who disrespect their parents, Old Testament-styley. Let us explore this brave old world, together!
The maintenance of civil order in society rests on the foundation of family discipline. Therefore, a child who disrespects his parents must be permanently removed from society in a way that gives an example to all other children of the importance of respect for parents. The death penalty for rebellious children is not something to be taken lightly. The guidelines for administering the death penalty to rebellious children are given in Deut 21:18-21:
This passage does not give parents blanket authority to kill their children. They must follow the proper procedure in order to have the death penalty executed against their children. I cannot think of one instance in the Scripture where parents had their child put to death. Why is this so? Other than the love Christ has for us, there is no greater love then [sic] that of a parent for their child. The last people who would want to see a child put to death would be the parents of the child. Even so, the Scrpture provides a safe guard to protect children from parents who would wrongly exercise the death penalty against them. Parents are required to bring their children to the gate of the city. The gate of the city was the place where the elders of the city met and made judicial pronouncements. In other words, the parents were required to take their children to a court of law and lay out their case before the proper judicial authority, and let the judicial authority determine if the child should be put to death. I know of many cases of rebellious children, however, I cannot think of one case where I believe that a parent had given up on their child to the point that they would have taken their child to a court of law and asked the court to rule that the child be put to death. Even though this procedure would rarely be used, if it were the law of land, it would give parents authority. Children would know that their parents had authority and it would be a tremendous incentive for children to give proper respect to their parents.
Pussies. KILL THEM! Retroactive abortions for everyone! But really, mostly for him.
{ 282 comments }
Can we start with the Romney Boys?
Yeah – Mitt said they lied to him all the time – disrespectful little pricks.
Hell, can we start with Romney? Isn't there a Michael J. Fox movie about that?
I am wondering if I can adopt Mr. Fuqua
When he offers up one of his children or grandchildren on the State Altar in front of the Arkansas Capitol building, he'll get my vote…
I'd be somewhat pleased if he would "offer up" his children to serve in the US military in Afghanistan or some other hell-hole instead of searching for deferments. If he would figuratively or literally bring his children to the altar to even consider such a thing I would only hope that he'd fall down the community well on his way there. What a toad-fuck!
The asshole is a "pro-life" Baptist by the way. Yeah.
What the ever-loving fuck is wrong with this person?
The ever-loving fuqua, that is.
"Ye shall not round the corners of your heads." — Leviticus 19:27
I think this guy's got that 'un pretty much covered…
His head seems to be more obtuse than well rounded.
BLOCKHEADS FOR JESUS!
To paraphrase Bill Clinton, there is nothing wrong with religion that cannot be fixed by what is right with lack of religion.
Too much heaven on his mind.
Well, for starters, he seems to think that making death threats to children is a valid form of parenting. He also seems to want them not to be empty threats, which in this case is even more fucke…
Motherfucker thinks making enforceable death threats to children should be the norm. What. The. Fuck?
How much of a fucking crack-addled shit for brains loser do you need to be for death threats to be your only form of parental authority? "Oh Johnny, eat all your peas or your mother and I will take you out back and gut you like a trout." Fuuuck.
I mean, fuck. I don't think I've ever had to go farther than threaten the little monsters with being sold to pirates or for medical experiments. Sheesh.
Think of the children! Then kill them.
Won't someone please kill all the children, for the children?
We had to kill the child in order to save it.
For godness sakes, I love them to death!
Funny how these cocksuckers are always going on about Islam being the religion of death
Idle threats are the future of parenting.
Ann Couter was lovely at that age, with the pigtails and everything.
If Fuqua is such a true believer in Old Testament rules, shouldn't he head down to the local Red Lobster and go postal on all those shellfish-eating abominations.
Mix linen and woolen fibers in your clothing* and it's Guantanamo for *you*, ya fashion heathens!
*Leviticus 19:19
Not during Endless Shrimp in Arkansas!
Dude, just try and take away their pork* in Arkansas. No more bbq'd pulled pork sammiches for *them* good ol' boys…
*Leviticus 11:7-8; Deuteronomy 14:8
Bacon cheeseburgers- that's two abominations in one sandwich.
Delicious abominations!
"Proper procedure" sounds an awful lot like regulations. Is he a closet liberal?
STONE THEM NOW.
Strangely enough, I believe stoning is "the proper procedure".
"Everybody must get stoned!"
I don't think that's what he meant, but … yes.
My parents would have so gotten behind that.
Is this them morals they keep saying you only get through religion?
Yup. This and offering your virgin daughters for an angry mob to rape in the name of hospitality
That's a relief! I wondered what I was going to do after my kid stopped believing in Santa.
Apparently, as we learned during the debate. they used to lie to their parents all the time…
Fetus, however, shall live.
It sounds to me like he is in favor of a judicial mechanism for killing the post-born fetuses (which is what I intend to call all humans, from now until the Christianists stop calling blobs of goo "persons").
Maybe he could be talked into agreeing to a judicial mechanism for terminating the pre-born fetus.
Not rebellious fetuses.
For a few years at least. Then, BAM!
Love the fetus, hate the child. Pro-birth, anti-life. It's the way of the Teahadi.
What the Fuqua?
What a Fuquad! There
fixed.
Now I understand why everyone called his mom Mother Fuqua.
You know, if we purged our kids then the schools wouldn't need moar teachers.
"Education cuts" could take on a whole new meaning…
Home Schooling and Home Executions!
The Do-It-Yourself Handbook.
Order your child execution kit on Amazon for $9.99!
Silly, only a few folks have the internet down in Arkansas. They'll sell them at Walmart for $4.99 a pop…for freedom.
I cannot think of one instance in the Scripture where parents had their child put to death.
And but two sentences later he mentions Jesus — go figure.
Cannot upfist you enough for this comment.
Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you, that was very very good.
Wookies for the WIN!
The way the 'cons tell the story, Jesus was a real dickhead and all of that pussy feeding the poor and caring for the sick stuff is so lame@ss. Viva greed!!
I'd comment, but it'd seem a bit hypocritical, what with me having shaved the sides of my face and that I'm wearing a poly-cotton blend, which a clothing made of two kinds of thread.
So basically: STONE ME! (with votes)
Put down the bacon cheesburger, and we might let you live.
Hey, I'm a citizen now: give me my bacon cheeseburger, or give me death.
Given the amount of cholesterol in a typical bacon cheeseburger, those aren't mutually exclusive options.
Stone ME, with legal marijuana!
Vote for cannabis legalization in Washington, Oregon and Colorado.
This a great solution. Eventually this country will rid itself of religious nuts because their parents killed 'em.
Or more likely, the children would be removed from the homes of their parental nutcases by the courts.
Yea, like killing two bird(brains) with one stone!
And all the gun nuts will shoot each other.\
Here's the the link to his Blog. I posted it a few days ago, but here it is again, because it has to be seen to be believed. http://www.charliefuqua4staterep.com/blog
Particularly amusing is the post about how lawyers are all shitbags subverting the intent of the law, signed "Charles R Fuqua, J.D."
Stone him, then kill him with fire!
Then shun his ashes. SHUN THEM!
Nothing could induce me to click on that link, man….
This gem from one of his rants: "Lennon, the founder of Russian Communism, said that if you tell a lie loud enough and often enough people will believe it."
And this guy's a fucking lawyer?
And let's not forget Paul, George and Ringo, the other early leaders of the Comintern.
No one said he was any good at it.
Yoko wept.
Just as long as she doesn't sing.
But of course: http://russianmemory.com/Blog_Photos/Marx_Lennon….
Talk about yer creeping sharia! This guy seriously wants to impose a theocracy (or is that theo-crazy?):
Charles R. Fuqua, J.D., Author of God’s Law – The Only Political Solution
GodsLawForAmerica.com
God slaw goes great on Rabbi-n sammiches.
I'm very disappointed that none of his blog entries have comments. Needs moar buttsechs.
Does he allow comments? let's go!
The death penalty for rebellious children…
Just when you think the GOP has, once again, gone too far, along comes a gem like this.
And if Fuqua was running against NOBAMA, 50% of the people here in Dumbfuckistan would vote for him.
I thought Fuqwad was running against Obama. These politics get me so confuzed.
Everybody must get stoned.
They'll stone you and then they'll say good luck.
…in order to fully appreciate Fuqua's comic genius!
Come at me, bro….with a fully loaded bong
My, it's almost as if Mr. Fuqua doesn't believe that courts ever make mistakes in capital cases, in the face of mountains of evidence to the contrary.
I bet he's terrified of sharia law, also, too.
Fear is the prime motivator of most of these guys…
Very, depressingly true.
Because it's too lenient?
Sharia law does require you to have a large number of reliable witnesses before you can execute an adulterous wife (so much so at least one historian I read thinks it was a deliberate way to defang an old Arabic custom), so…probably, yeah!
PROOF!!1! You Lieberals are in league with them!!1!
I do like to tell my gay liberal Muslim friend that he's a triple threat.
Well that's fucked up. But I would like to point out without Fuqua's helmet the immaculate reception would have never happened.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immaculate_Reception
Dude, that happened so long ago…
and as a die-hard Raiders fan, I'm still pissed.
NEVER FORGET! That and the "tuck rule"
A Frenchy kiss of sorts.
Jim Brown always had naked contempt for Franco Harris's running style of "tiptoeing out of bounds."
Well, at least he's being consistent. You know, not cherry picking his dogma.
To make it fair, they should let the children bear arms.
And if killing them doesn't work out, you could try this little star chart I made, you just put it on the fridge and every time they behave they get a star, see?
What are you, some kind of furry blue friendly monster?
If you don't obey Daddy, it is either hanging or the electric chair.
No lethal injection for you!
Whoa! Stoning is the only method that receives the Religious Wingnut Seal of Approval. (Although crucifixion might be approved by Scalia. Original intent and all that.)
Because what the world really needs is more legal ways to kill people.
Meh, killing is such a one time thing. We had good success with lashing the kidlets to the roof of the family car and running it through a car wash a few times. Also, too it's an easy way to get rid of those Halloween stickies.
If your city doesn't have a gate, one could convene a quorum of children on a playground to obtain the required verdict of death.
Giv'em a fair trial an' then lynch'em from the playground swing.
I'm withholding a total appraisal of him until I know where he stands on stop-sign slavery.
Basil, are you posting here under a pseudonym?
That's just be Charlie Fuqua is a bad Christian; if she's a better Christian, then she could totally think of one example, even if that example really proves that we should wipe out all bears, because bears are messengers from God.
How about that time when loving old dad put his only begotten son up on a cross to die for our sins?
Or that other time when different loving old dad was told to kill and burn his only son, though God may have just been screwing with him.
Not screwing with him, putting him on.
I just have a hunch that those verses apply only to brown and black chilluns.
IIRC, Emmet Till was lynched for "disrespectin'" a white woman. Fuckwad just wants a return to "the good ol' days" when the nigras knew their place.
What'd I do?
This sounds barbaric and horrible — on the other hand, it might've saved us from the Dubya administration. Not that George HW Bush would've been man enough to have his drunk asshole son who wanted to duke it out mano a mano executed. And 40 would probably be too late for that to happen anyway.
Don't worry about GHWB. Barbara would have had him dead and in a jar by sundown.
I'm thinking one of those extra-large tubs of mayo you can get at the warehouse grocery places.
So, kinda like a late term abortion then?
Well, back in Biblical times, Roman law was that fathers had right of life or death over their children up until 12, by which time they'd probably married them off and thus been able to dust their hands of them.
So clearly, it's what the Founding Fathers intended, because, y'know, they were all Apostles, or something.
"Wait until your father gets home… from the death court!" should keep them in line.
If my daughter sass-talks at me, can't I just "stand my ground" and avoid all the hassle of going to court?
You know what they say "Spare the .357, spoil the child"
Haha, .357=Rod.
Jesus Burkas: It's just a matter of time.
No snark, but parents rape and kill their children every day and the "problems" seem to persist.
Those aren't "approved." The Pro-Life Court has to approve all killings. Then they're OK. Bible sez, you know…
He should call it The Big Timeout for marketing purposes.
hahaha
The Endless Timeout….
All the kids hide when Fuqua drops by the Chucky Cheese for happy hour.
These caramel hands make it hard for me to tpye.
You should have left them attached to the child, where they belong.
From this clown's blog: … Lennon, the founder of Russian Communism,…
How could he overlook Groucho's role as co-founder? The ignorance is astounding.
All hail …
Indeed, how can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?
Instant Karma libel?
As a Marxist-Lennonist, I can definitely confirm this.
McCartney Libelz!
He should be listening to the harmonies of Freud, Marx, Engels and Jung.
I dunno about Deuteronomy, but I used to use the 10 Commandments all the time whenever my little Catholic-school-educated daughters got a little snippy or whiny:
Me: Hey kiddo, put the Sims on pause mode; time to empty the dishwasher and set the table.
Kid: Awww, daaaaad…"
Me: THOU SHALT HONOR THY MOTHER AND FATHER!
This guy has a point, but I don't see why he's so selective. Here's who needs to be stoned to death, according to the Bible:
Adulterers: If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city. Deuteronomy 22:23-24
Brides who aren't virgins: If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her … and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: And the damsel's father shall say … these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. … But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die. Deuteronomy 22:13-21
Non-Jews (there may be an exemption for Christians, but that's not mentioned in Deuteronomy): If there be found among you … that … hath gone and served other gods, and worshipped them … Then shalt thou … stone them with stones, till they die. Deuteronomy 17:2-5 …. If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers … thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die. Deuteronomy 13:5-10
Christine O'Donell and Sally Quinn: A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:27
The entire NHL if they play on Sunday (Or Saturday?): They found a man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day. … And the LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones…. And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses. Numbers 15:32-56
Blasphemers: And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him. Leviticus 24:16
(so much for Wonkette!)
Well, we are just stoned in our own special ways…every day…or night.
Jesus Christ jumping up and down and dancing like a fairy that's God damn fucked up shit.
Dok, you gotta stop writing on Sundays re: Christianistas, otherwise you’ll get stoned.
Oh wait… too late.
So the NHL strike and lockout is actually very pious!
"Brides who aren't virgins"
Oh dear, this could cause trouble for me this Friday night.
So this "virginity token" thing, is it like the ones at Chucky Cheeses' or arcades and stuff? Ya pop a buck in the machine and 4 of them pop out in the little dish below? This demystifies all that abstinence education shit the republicans ranted about: All you gotta do to get your virginity back is pop a buck in a machine, get your "virginity tokens and off you go, pure and chaste until the next time you need to get off. It explains the pregnancy rates among all those virgins with pledge rings and the resulting kids can pop mom's virginity tokens in the whack-a-mole machine on their birthday.
Isn't all this stoning with stones a bit redundant? What else are you gonna stone somebody with? Gravel?
I prefer sinsemilla myself.
I'd prefer to be stoned with throw pillows.
Christ! We've had high winds here and yesterday I was out in the yard, I kid you not, GATHERING STICKS.
Can i go get stoned now?
yes
What are you doing?! You could have banked some more of that sweet Wonkette recompense with that!
Nah, when I'm getting paid, I have to do more than copypasta.
Mind you, not a LOT more….
Respect my authoritay!
Does downloading a ginormous file while Dad's trying to work online count? I'd settle for "a night in the box."
People. Context.
“Your Editrix, being the mama of an 18-year-old man”
You should be aware of the critical fact that there really is no such thing as an 18 year old man. Men as a group don’t achieve the ability for abstract reason until around 32 years of age until that time they are basically hairy children.
That's why I refused to marry one who wasn't at least 40. It worked fairly well.
I have to say that, as an under-32, my bf, who *is* 32, would heartily agree with you. Though I am *not* hairy!
Tyler York – Case In Point.
Well played, sir or madam!
BTW, I do not believe our Editix has an 18 year old. I just can't believe that. lol
Hey, I resemble that remark!
Sure takes some balls to declare a baby Fatwa.
Let's wait for the final word from Scalia.
He says it's a no-brainer. For once, I can sort of agree.
If you need a death threat in order to have parental authority with your kids, it's too late to have parental authority with your kids.
That seems a bit extreme. Maybe taking a sensible middle stance like making it legal to rape your children would be a more reasonable solution.
Deuteronomy no doubt has death penalty for worshipping graven images such as teh Jebus on a stick I see in church. (OK, in movies that take place in a church.)
Hold on, he did say it would only rarely be used.
Oh, well, in THAT case…
Let Arkansas be Arkansas. The less attention we pay to them the better. Soon enough they'll be living under Biblical law and they'll be killing each other in droves, which will spare us the trouble of having to deal with them. Let them go Fuqua themselves.
Maybe it's 'cause it's near Halloween, but I keep picturing that preacher in the "Poltergeist" movies.
"God is innnnnnn His holy TEM-ple…"
I'd gladly let Arkansas go had it not produced Bill Clinton. I can not let that place go so easily.
Finally, the GOP gets behind death panels. What took you so long GOP?
i'm sure the fisher price "my first death panel" playset will be the hottest item come black friday.
Just when I think they've topped out on the cray-cray.
This just does not go far enough!: what about the grandchildren, disrespectful little twerps that they are -can't we stone them, occasionally, or at least gravel them?….and dogs and cats – disobedient as they are – a good booting from time to time could be helpful….and the weather, what could we do about the weather?….
"and the weather, what could we do about the weather"
Don't the gays control that?
Why, just this morning one of my dogs bit a worm in half and tried to roll in it!
And let's not talk about how they don't come when called.
Little bastards!
And what about that yutz who stole my parking space, even though I *clearly* had my blinker on?
Gravel him!
Holy cow, can you image the immense court system this would require? Would a kid laughing at a parent's mommy jeans be cause to invoke this law? How about laughing at the old folks' music? Not drinking your Ovaltine?
I'm sure a certain "textualist" thinks it's a no-brainer that you should kill… AOT,K.
I know that nothing could get my child to love me more than threatening to kill him.
Happy Monday everybody! At least it's only 2 months or so until the world ends!
We spell it "Moanday" around here and yay – the world's going to end on my birthday! Oh world, how did you know what I'd been wishing for all these years? Not!
At least this will stop those kids from complaining about school lunches
Technically, this guy's just jonesing for the days of Ancient Rome, when the paterfamilias had the power of life and death over his whole family – slaves, children and even wife. So it's not just the Bible's fault this time.
Since he's talking about Deuteronomy, he might be jonesing for something slightly older than Ancient Rome at its height.
I wouldn't have survived past my 13th year.
http://www.charliefuqua4staterep.com/biography
Check out the photo. If that baby pees………….
I think he's eating that baby's head…
We need to find out where that baby is RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Of course he did. *sigh* And I bet he thinks everyone else are government dependents and moochers.
While we're at it, we might as well bring back mass murder, slavery, treating women as chattel and killing people for working on Sundays. Because Jeebus!!
Isn't that the Romney/Ryan campaign platform?
2016. Patience, first the tax cuts.
No beard trims. Back to 70's porn….
"…..it would be a tremendous incentive for children to give proper respect to their parents."
There is nothing that can go horribly wrong with this plan. Not at all like what happens in any and every horror movie involving whacked out kids. This is a totally fail proof plan. Implement at once!!
(OMFG, these people….)
Ms. Schoenkopf, you have not been careful to adhere to the tenets of good journalism here. Nowhere in this piece do you say what party affiliation this candidate has, and I simply can't figure it out.
I sure hope he's not a Democratic candidate. The uncertainty is driving me batty.
He's not even a Republican.
Seriously, he only identifies himself as "conservative." Write-in candidate?
Fundraiser:
His website says only "Conservative"
Draw your own conclusions.
OT, latest Gallop has Bamz back up by 5. So much for Willard's debase bounce.
I think Barry played it low to give Rmoney a false sense of hope…he will crush the Hairmiester over the next two debates.
He Goddamn well better or I'm gonna want my money back. Goddamn democrats. Could fuck up a wet dream.
Still think it was more the mistaken assumption that Romney might feel any desire to be remotely consistent with policy positions he'd stated publicly and posted to his website when discussing his own campaign, or the actual facts of what Obama's done and proposed while discussing the President.
In other words, someone hadn't been reading Steve Benen.
Dead cats etc…
"…there is no greater love then [sic] that…"
Ugh! To me, "then" is the thing that rankles the most about his statement. That, or "safe guard." Did this guy pay NO ATTENTION in Language Arts?!?!
Of course not, he completely fails at all humanities.
Language Arts is an elective in Arkansas schools. But in the required "Stoning Techniques for Potential Christian Parents" course he got a B+.
Among contributors to Fuqua's campaign –
Michelle and former Republican legislator Jim Bob Duggar — $250.
(Yup, those Duggars.)
$250 they "earned" pimping their children.
I bet that's how the Duggars keep their 802 children in line. "If you disrespect us, we will BURY you." LIterally.
Your move, Tennessee.
Old Len Cohen gave this very topic some thought:
Holy hell it's like whenever we joke about another extreme right wingers will go to, they actually go through with it!
We need to stop that, least they actually go ahead with forcing victims of rape marry their rapists or miscellaneous.
"The death penalty for rebellious children is not something to be taken lightly." This kind of statement is what suffices for reasonableness and moderation in today's Republican Party.
GOP = Grand Old Parody
It's not just what suffices, it's what most closely resembles reasonableness and moderation.
Be forewarned, any of you ignorant hippie children who plan on toilet-papering my house on Halloween.
Kind of like that Star Trek: The Next Generation episode where Weasley Crusher was condemned to die because he stepped on the grass on some otherwise idyllic planet. "The punishment is death!"
Killing people, always a positive idea for conservatives.
It's kind of their go-to plan.
This guy needs to compel respect from his children because he can't elicit it any other way?
He's still scarred from the time when he was a child and his mom had to tie a pork chop around his neck so at least the dog would play with him.
Oh but wait, here's a conundrum: what if a fetus lies to its parents? WHAT THEN? Hmmm?
See Episode #32,567 of The Good Wife.
Damn lying fetuses. Can't trust 'em.
And hey, isn't that picture from the movie "Village of the Damned"? From the book "The Midwhich Cuckoos" by John Wyndham?
I believe it's a frame from "The Bad Seed".
Fun trivia fact: Patty McCormick, the pigtail-sporting young actor who played the titular bad seed, recently played Adriana's mother on "The Sopranos".
Hm – might work better than threatening to ground them. "Kids, pack the dishwasher, or I'm shipping you off to Little Rock to be slaughtered"
Fucking Father's Day at the Fuqua house must be a total fear fest. MOOOOOAR PRESENTS OR ELSE!!!
Fuckwad? Seriously? That's poetry, man.
LOL! Old Jonathan Swift ain't got nothing on this guy! Haha!
Wait. Huh?
I hate it when these pols come up with such half-baked ideas. After we kill the children, how shall we cook and eat them? The American voter deserves to know!
This is pure insanity.
Yes. But it is what passes for religion in some places. I'm sure that Arkansas isn't the only state where his ideas would get an "Amen, brother!"
"And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from the bank as a catfish bait."
I love how his website lists "protecting the sanctity of life" as one of his key issues.
So, out with the old, in with the older?
So, the Christians are in favor of a judicial termination option for post-born fetuses. How do they feel about judicially sanctioned termination of pre-born fetuses?
On the other hand, when he says "no wire hangers", his sprouts probably pay attention.
Good thing I go to Korean-language services. I have a good excuse of not knowing what the hell is going on and where the fuck this stuff is written.
They're basically Obama Deathpanels, but no one is forcing you to buy
carinsurance…"The guidelines for administering the death penalty to rebellious children are given in Deut 21:18-21"
Where was this guy when my rebellious stepdaughter was making our lives a living hell? I cannot adequately describe in words how awful she was, but the Bad Seed pic comes close. I actually started going to church when she was living with us, because nothing short of a miracle would help.
Today she is over 30 and raising a child of her own. Can't wait to see the Karma.
If a maid unto the city is dishonoring her parents and the man with whom she lieth, then the elders of the high school shall gather at the city gates to determine how virginal she is not and what a little bitch she isith with her iPodeth and pink undergarments and she shall no longer liveth with her parents, nor the man with whom she layethd, and might become an abomination or a governor or secretary of state if allowed to live, and we can't have that shitith.
That's from Sheriff Joe Arpaio's website, right?
Ma'am, I'm afraid you misread your map. The Taliban are in Afghanistan, not Arkansas.
Lies, and this guy, made baby Jesus cry.
Guys! I just had this awful nightmare! It was a little convoluted, but basically, The Onion formed an army and went totalitarian rogue. They took over the world and every single thing was turned into the biggest fucking joke! Nothing ever could be taken seriously ever again!
IT WAS HORRIBLE
culling the herd people, culling the herd.
Can we at least agree that Tyler York needs to have his ass whupped?
Come on. It could never happen here.
When the Fuquas first landed at Ellis Island they were actually named "Pig Fucker," then just "Fucker" and finally "Fuqua" when they showed up in Arkansas and no one knew how to spell.
Fuqua! No football for you, bitch!!
What the fuck is this thing about not finding any parents killing their kids in the Bible?! Is the Bible supposed to be a police blotter recording every instance of 6,000 years of domestic violence?!
"This passage does not give parents blanket authority to kill their children. They must follow the proper procedure in order to have the death penalty executed against their children."
*relieved*
Oh. That's OK, then.
Someone should lock this fool in a room and play The Ramones at 120db for about 72 hours.
There isn't (?? grammar?) enough Ramones in the world for that. Their songs are like 1 minute and 50 seconds long each. You could play all of them in about 3 hours.
I meant the MEGA-Ramones mix loop. Obviously.
As usual, George Carlin was ahead of the curve:
"I offer a plan: Legal Murder Once a Month. Under this plan, [...] each person in America will be allowed to kill one other person [...] But you can't kill just anybody. It's not random. Each month there will be a different type of person it's OK to kill. [...] one for blood relatives. In fact you might even need a week. [...] A festival! The Seven Dead Relatives Festival! Christmas week! Lots of old, festering, pathological flotsam [...] And forgive what may seem a tacky note, but this plan might also simplify your Xmas shopping. [...] take note, those of you who aren't married and are merely living together will not be allowed to kill each other until you have taken your sacred vows."
Braindroppings, pp 174-5
Wait a minute. Did God go before a court to get permission to kill his Son, who is also God, which therefore makes it divine suicide? I thought the Jews did it, not an angry parent. Seems a bit harsh.
Uh, Romans, actually.
<DIV style=”font-family:Arial, sans-serif; font-size:10pt;”>Don't forget that one was from Florida.— notifications@intensedebatemail.com wrote:
I was just discussing my Catholic schooling with my husband today. I recalled asking questions in third grade such as, "How could there be three beings on one, etc". and the nun telling me, "There are some things you're just not supposed to understand." That's when they lost me and I've never been back.
What do I do if my kid says "Jehovah"?
"Gesundheit".
Sharia law libel!
This could get interesting. Deuteronomy 21:18-21, the bible passage by which Fuqua justifies stoning sassy children to death, also enjoins parents to stone their children to death if they get fat.
Oh for fucks' sake, let's just bio-engineer a proper Minotaur for killing the children. Stoning is soooo last year – in Iran.
From Fuqua's site:
That is, that God wants us to freely choose to love, warship, and serve him because we understand that he loved us while we were in the unlovable state of complete rebellion to him.
See?! God WANTS us to warship him!
Argh. That's probably exactly how he pronounces "worship". There's a landscaping company here called "Own the Rocks" and I cringe every time I drive past, because you just know when those people say "on the rocks" it comes out "own the rocks". And now we have "warship". I need to go bleach my ears.
NOW, he tells me!
There's a lot of kids right now. We probably wouldn't miss a few.
Actually the Bible does document at least one case of a parent murdering their child, although not for disobedience… Just the opposite, in a way.
From Judges, chapter 11:
30 And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the Lord, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands,
31 Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the Lord's, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering.
32 So Jephthah passed over unto the children of Ammon to fight against them; and the Lord delivered them into his hands.
33 And he smote them from Aroer, even till thou come to Minnith, even twenty cities, and unto the plain of the vineyards, with a very great slaughter. Thus the children of Ammon were subdued before the children of Israel.
34 And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances: and she was his only child; beside her he had neither son nor daughter.
35 And it came to pass, when he saw her, that he rent his clothes, and said, Alas, my daughter! thou hast brought me very low, and thou art one of them that trouble me: for I have opened my mouth unto the Lord, and I cannot go back.
36 And she said unto him, My father, if thou hast opened thy mouth unto the Lord, do to me according to that which hath proceeded out of thy mouth; forasmuch as the Lord hath taken vengeance for thee of thine enemies, even of the children of Ammon.
37 And she said unto her father, Let this thing be done for me: let me alone two months, that I may go up and down upon the mountains, and bewail my virginity, I and my fellows.
38 And he said, Go. And he sent her away for two months: and she went with her companions, and bewailed her virginity upon the mountains.
39 And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow which he had vowed.
[edit: whoops, this was meant to be a reply to Chet's "police blotter" comment above]
Wow. I thought I was pretty good about knowing all the crazy stuff in the bible but I had somehow missed that one. I read what you posted, then read it again to make sure I had read what I thought I had read, then looked it up to make sure it was accurate, and then finally pulled out my old catholic bible complete with footnotes to see what they had to say about it. Funny thing is, they really don't have much to say about it at all. The only relevant footnote reads:
*11,37: [...] daughter asks permission to mourn the fact that she will be put to death before she can bear children.
Uh-huh, yeah, cuz that's the tragedy of it all, the virgin bit, not that burnt offering part.
Shouldn't the politicians be on the chopping block first?
Comments on this entry are closed.