FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO POVERTY  1:24 pm October 8, 2012

Hero Congressman Defends America From Commie Socialist Nuns

by Kris E. Benson

Barnstorming nuns, dividing AmericaNuns are so sweet and all, trying to help others and whatnot, but they really should maybe think twice about all the barnstorming they are doing around the country lately until they take a class in civics, or math. This barnstorming, it is dividing America, says Rep. Scott Tipton (R-Money), a Romney surrogate from Colorado who spoke to ThinkProgress after the debates last week. The nuns should probably work on job creation, rather than on just coddling the poor and turning them into a gigantic moocher class.

[ThinkProgress'] KEYES: What did you think about the nuns who are going out and barnstorming across the country, campaigning against the Ryan budget?

TIPTON: I think one of the important things is that we often get people that want to try and divide. No one, Republican or Democrat, wants to hurt any individual.

KEYES: Do you think they’re being divisive?

TIPTON: I think pointing to this without the understanding apparently that we’ve got to be able to pay for those different programs. So how can we best deliver them in the most efficient way? What’s the best way to really address needs and concerns that people have right now? Wouldn’t it be better to actually create an environment where they could get a job and provide for their families? That’s what we’re pushing hard on.

Yes, nuns. Instead of advocating for the poor, take a hint from all those pastors who defied the IRS this weekend and formally endorsed Mitt Romney. That’s the best way to help the poor. After all, this is AMERCIA.

[ThinkProgress]

 

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{ 95 comments }

freakishlywrong October 8, 2012 at 1:27 pm

That Tipton fella needs a nun to shred his knuckles with a yardstick. And then deliver a good, swift kick to the crotch.
*with votes, of course.

anniegetyerfun October 8, 2012 at 1:28 pm

"I think one of the important things is that we often get people that want to try and divide. No one, Republican or Democrat, wants to hurt any individual."

Oh, I don't know. I can think of a few people I'd like to hurt. With votes.

My_pal_HAL October 8, 2012 at 4:25 pm

No, we only want to hurt an entire class of individuals.

hagajim October 8, 2012 at 1:28 pm

And then there were Nun(s).

Lascauxcaveman October 8, 2012 at 2:13 pm

My wife's aunt Helen (an actual nun) wrote a book entitled And Then There Were Nuns. A rather straightforward memoir of her spiritual and professional journey from novice to teacher to civil rights advocate to retired nun living in a nice little apartment near San Diego Bay; it's actually very readable.

She's kind of like the Hemingway of nuns.

Geminisunmars October 8, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Is she ernest?

Negropolis October 9, 2012 at 1:57 am

Can she fly?

LesBontemps October 8, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Yo Scott, does the term non sequitur mean anything to you?

Geminisunmars October 8, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Don't you mean nun sequitur?

LesBontemps October 8, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Why yes, yes I did. Gotta get my Latin rite.

Maman October 8, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I would warn Mr. Tipton not to fuck with nuns. Between the guilt and how they can get lawyers to dig shit up on you, you will wish you had never been born.

RedneckMuslin October 8, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Some say that Jesus Fella got their backs, too. But he's not as powerful as lawyers, of course.

dr_giraud October 8, 2012 at 1:31 pm

At least priests are job creators.

For lawyers.

Maman October 8, 2012 at 1:32 pm

And therapists.

ProgressiveInga October 8, 2012 at 1:46 pm

And hookers.

coolhandnuke October 8, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Wait til Tipton hears about the Vatican's new drone plane–The Sally Field–that does a lot more than just barnstorm.

weejee October 8, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Nuns are so sweet and all, trying to help others and whatnot

Nunz habit.

Well maybe not so much with Sister Caligula who convinced me that the pain in my left knuckles would go away if I switched to writing with the right hand.

kittensdontlie October 8, 2012 at 2:12 pm

And was she not right?! They are always right.

Pap Finn October 8, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Stop being divisive = quit noticing and talking about the long-standing Republican plan to feed the middle class to plutocrats.

deanbooth October 8, 2012 at 1:34 pm

"Come closer. I won't hurt you."

I've watched too many movies to believe this guy.

SnarkOff October 8, 2012 at 1:35 pm

This kind of GOP bullshit is becoming a habit.

PubOption October 8, 2012 at 4:12 pm

It was once considered a vice.

Chow Yun Flat October 8, 2012 at 1:35 pm

I got your nun for you right here, buddy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujxDA9VsQG4

sbj1964 October 8, 2012 at 1:36 pm

The GOP'ers are getting desperate in asking they're Fundies to vote for the Mormon Anti-Christ.How far have they fallen?Mitt is a bishop in the abomination of Mormons ,and is doomed to his fate,and they who support him.Victory at all cost will be they're damnation.All who follow him will burn.It is the will of God.Pity them not for they follow false prophets,their golden calf Mitt is a curse upon them.And Fuck they are stupid to think there is anything but snark in this comment.Damn I crack me up!They crack me up.Stupid loves the company of fools.And they are blessed in they're ignorance.Mitt 2012 see you in hell! PS Hell is an imaginary place unless you live in Detroit Michigan.Sorry but the devils overlord Mittens hates you.And Big Bird cannot save you!

TootsStansbury October 8, 2012 at 1:38 pm

How long has the propaganda campaign been going on? Fifty years or so? They've been biding their time and now the prize is within their greedy, grasping fingers. I hate these fuckers.

mull_man October 8, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Needs more Leather Nuns.

Geminisunmars October 8, 2012 at 1:44 pm

I hate it when I'm denied.

LesBontemps October 8, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Not merely denied, but 403 Forbidden!

weejee October 8, 2012 at 1:52 pm

The faint fingerprints of Opus Dei??

Geminisunmars October 8, 2012 at 1:54 pm

The worst! Or do I mean the wurst!

LesBontemps October 8, 2012 at 2:00 pm

I prefer that you do your wurst. (Isn't that what the Ramones meant by "beat on the brat with a baseball bat"?)

mull_man October 8, 2012 at 1:50 pm

I guess there are perks to being sys admin at work. Try this.

A proud owner of the original vinyl 7".

I also own the record.

Geminisunmars October 8, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Nice beat.

Callyson October 8, 2012 at 1:38 pm

No one, Republican or Democrat, wants to hurt any individual.

This tax cut is going to hurt me more than it hurts you…

red_kira October 8, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Celibate. It rhymes with celebrate! (Thanks, Christopher Durang.)

SayItWithWookies October 8, 2012 at 1:39 pm

There's something we can add to the list of obvious lies: "I'm a Republican and we should think about how we're going to pay for this."

HogeyeGrex October 8, 2012 at 2:09 pm

"I'm a Republican and we should think about how we're you're going to pay for this."

fixxored for veracicities

WhatTheHeck October 8, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Tipton is fucking with the wrong sistas.

Callyson October 8, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Wouldn’t it be better to actually create an environment where they could get a job and provide for their families?

As opposed to creating an environment where austerity budgets mean mass layoffs for teachers? Why, yes, that would be better.

Asshole.

Urban_Achiever October 8, 2012 at 5:57 pm

or, I dunno, actually voting for a freaking JOBS BILL?????

Lot_49 October 8, 2012 at 1:41 pm

The following is a meaning-free sentence:

"I think pointing to this without the understanding apparently that we’ve got to be able to pay for those different programs."

Did Tipton get bored with his own sentence before finishing it, tangled up in his own tortured grammar, or somehow become unable to form or remember the words "is divisive"?

Geminisunmars October 8, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Palinitis has become a) ubiquitous b) epidemic c) acceptable.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 8, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Palin-speak.

obfuscator2 October 8, 2012 at 1:44 pm

he heh he said "hard on".

Schmannnity October 8, 2012 at 1:44 pm

These nuns are just like Big Bird, always looking for money to help people. Disgusting!

Come here a minute October 8, 2012 at 1:45 pm

As the philosopher Joe Strummer said, he who fucks nuns will later join the church.

freakishlywrong October 8, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Oh, and "Pulpit Freedom Sunday". Freedom ain't free, bitches, pay your taxes, deadbeats.

weejee October 8, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Rulez are only for heathens. The Mittens preachers have the Jebus get out of jail / taxes free card. For the freedomz!!!1!!

ThankYouJeebus October 8, 2012 at 1:47 pm

No one, Republican or Democrat, wants to hurt any individual.
But we Republicans do want to hurt broad swaths of moochers and muppets.

Goonemeritus October 8, 2012 at 1:48 pm

“I think pointing to this without the understanding apparently that we’ve got to be able to pay for those different programs.”

This particular group was founded by the Sisters more than 30 years ago to work on issues of social justice. They have spent most of that time in the front lines of the battle against poverty. I suspect they know these issues better than anyone in Washington.

BaldarTFlagass October 8, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Nun dare call it treason.

Blueb4sinrise October 8, 2012 at 1:51 pm

CLEAVAGE!!!!
CLEAVAGE!!!!

Monsieur_Grumpe October 8, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I bet Mormon nuns aren’t so uppity.

larrykat October 8, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Probably because their magic bloomers are so uncomfortable.

PubOption October 8, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Must be a sister wife joke in there somewhere.

FakaktaSouth October 8, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Oh for fuck's sake, this shit isn't even about the big bad evil Government helping poor people, it's about ANYONE daring to give a rat's ass about anyone other than themselves. It is amazing to me how far these freaks are willing to go to justify their policies. I cannot believe they have gotten so far down into their disgusting greed and need to destroy all of our pathetic as they are safety nets, that they are attacking EVERYONE that helps ANYONE – I don't know how this has become an unnecessary, terrible thing. I thought what made Mitt so great was all his fucking charity? I thought it was SUPPOSED to be outside of government and all about doing it for others through our own selves for the Republican party? Just because they do not want MORE people to help, nuns should not support policies that do?
I do not get this. I do just do not understand. Ruthless, evil fucks.

larrykat October 8, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Yes indeed, this seems like sum 'a them "fayth baysed inishutives" that GW Bush was so fond of.

prommie October 8, 2012 at 2:09 pm

What its about is that the GOP public platform, the policies they espouse, are all just lies, a fraudulent front put out there to hide their real agenda.

The GOP is owned by the angry white southern male whiner segment of the US populace, and these are the ones who say such shit as "all taxes are slavery" and such, just purely hateful selfish whiney whining fuckers who just whine all day and all night that they have to pay a penny in taxes (and its because they think all that money is going to the blacks and browns because what they really hate of course is welfare to domestic browns and foreign aid to foreign browns).

But they can't come right out and say "We're the selfish greedy racist party and we are in favor of a society based on every man for himself and devil take the hindmost," so they have to lie about it. And they hate these nuns now simply because the nuns ain't falling for their whiney lies. Whiney fuckers, those resentful whiney white southern men. Whiney.

FakaktaSouth October 8, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Every man for himself, unless that man is their father or whoever else they can get to Frat Boy them into their next job or whatever. It's IMPOSSIBLE to do ANYTHING by yourself, you buncha twats, but oh no, they have no idea. Hence the affronted feelings at "you didn't build that" even though, you know, they didn't.

prommie October 8, 2012 at 2:21 pm

They would probably agree with the idea that society should be "every man for himself." And thats "funny," I will say funny because its not "ironic" which is a literary device and does not apply to found artifacts, so I will say its funny that they might think "every man for himself" is a good idea. Because in fact the phrase is a military order. Its an order that a commander gives to his army when they have been utterly routed and destroyed and beaten. Its the order that frees the men from having to obey orders and fight as a unit anymore and frees them to just fucking run for their lives. Its the very worst thing that can happen. It means all is lost. And they think this is a good idea. Dumbass dumb fucks.

doloras October 8, 2012 at 5:02 pm

According to Kevin Kline in "A Fish Called Wanda", it's also the central message of Buddhism.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 8, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I think the only charity he gives to is the Mormon church so he won't go to Mormon hell whatever that is.

DemmeFatale October 8, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I always wonder about the simple things.
How do they sleep at night?
Look in the mirror?
I can understand some things, But willful ignorance and a total disregard and contempt for others?
*sigh*

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 8, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Must be birth control using nuns.

johnnyzhivago October 8, 2012 at 1:56 pm

What bunch of nunsense. Arrrggghh…..

Also, Happy Inclusive, Culture-Aware, Environmentally Sensitive Explorers Day everyone!

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 8, 2012 at 1:57 pm

I think one of the important things is that we often get people that want to try and divide.

Splitters!

Also, as we all should know from W's administration, disagreeing with Republicans is the most divisive thing this country has ever faced.

larrykat October 8, 2012 at 1:59 pm

What kind of meat do Catholics eat on Fridays?

LesBontemps October 8, 2012 at 2:12 pm

AOTK.

prommie October 8, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Umm, Nun?

Mittaplasia October 8, 2012 at 2:22 pm

I dunno, but priests eat nun.

doloras October 8, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Vatican II abolished the no-meat-on-Fridays rule, fact fans.

snowpointsecret October 8, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Well it's not like Jesus ever helped the poor or anything.

Oh, wait…

JustPixelz October 8, 2012 at 2:05 pm

The women in the picture look like the Muslim Sisterhood, what with hijabs and burqas and guns and some kind of knife or sword hanging from their necks. Sharia Law?

Mittaplasia October 8, 2012 at 2:32 pm

That's funny; I was scared of Muslins because they looked like nuns. Those in the pic look like the Dominicanatrix order who tried to deheathenize me long ago.

LibrarianX October 8, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Nuns with guns make the Pope nervous.

bibliotequetress October 8, 2012 at 2:10 pm

TIPTON: I think one of the important things is that we often get people that want to try and divide. No one, Republican or Democrat, wants to hurt any individual.

KEYES: Do you think they’re being divisive?

TIPTON: I think pointing to this without the understanding apparently that we’ve got to be able to pay for those different programs….

I never in my life thought I'd find myself defending nuns– still too scarred– but does this jackass truly think that the women who run schools and hospitals and lunch programs etc etc on a shoestring budget don't understand that the dough must come from somewhere? The nuns I know could render the Loaves and Fishes story for realz out of a dollars worth of ramen and spam and feed fifty homeless people. Shitbrain.

djneedlz October 8, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Women! Math! Evulootion and Shit1!1 See, libtard, why I like your penis!

Auntie_Spinster October 8, 2012 at 2:16 pm

nuns with nunchucks

Geminisunmars October 8, 2012 at 2:16 pm

These nuns are doing a great job. They must be, getting all kinds of (mostly) white mens all in a stew.

"
" Fiedler, who has been an activist for social justice and racial and gender equality for more than three decades, said on "CBS This Morning," "(The Church leaders) say in their mandate that they're going to send in an archbishop and two bishops who will work with the nuns in order to – get this – revise their statutes, their handbook, their plans and programs, their conferences, their speakers, everything. If this were the corporate world, I think we would call it a 'hostile takeover." '" http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-505263_162-57444400/s

PubOption October 8, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Not quite as hostile as a burning at the stake, although I doubt that the Vatican could still get away with burning heretics.

Geminisunmars October 8, 2012 at 2:41 pm

To their sorrow.

barto October 8, 2012 at 2:33 pm

In Ryan's best selling autobiography, "The Moocher With a Future", he explains that his budget policy approach harkens back to the time he went bowling and they actually did run out of pins.

Beowoof October 8, 2012 at 2:34 pm

He's pushing a hard on alright, right up the ass of the poor and disabled.

Dashboard Buddha October 8, 2012 at 2:43 pm

No one wants to hurt and individual? I call bullshit…Republicans get boners just thinking about hurting people.

Steverino247 October 8, 2012 at 2:46 pm

This is the story of Mary the Moocher…

Dashboard Buddha October 8, 2012 at 2:46 pm

This may be the nun Tipton was thinking about.

NSFW

owhatever October 8, 2012 at 3:03 pm

We don't need no flyin' nuns no more because us got drones now. We can really take care of the poorz with a coupla rockets into Planned Parenthood. Those nun women can now get married and obey their husbands.

Cognitive Dissident October 8, 2012 at 3:23 pm

The funny thing is that, were Jesus alive today, he'd be quite affronted by all of the wealth-worship embraced by the American Right, Christian Fundamentalists very much included.

WTE October 8, 2012 at 3:32 pm

He would send them all to hell

RufusTFirefly October 8, 2012 at 5:45 pm
Negropolis October 9, 2012 at 2:04 am

I hope America realizes that 2012 is a bigger test than even 2008 was. We keep sort of dodging bullets, but you can only do that so long if you don't put your enemy away.

ttommyunger October 9, 2012 at 8:13 am

Describe your sex life in one word, Father? Nun…and boys. Sorry, that's two words.

UW8316154 October 9, 2012 at 9:47 am

OT – Jesus Christ (ok, maybe not so off-topic), Romney might win this fucking thing. Dear god, don't let the Dems screw this one up. Even my go-to guy Nate Silver is showing big gains for this lizard.

This is making me nun too happy.

Geminisunmars October 8, 2012 at 2:06 pm

I think so. Of course, then the Hormones said “meet on mat with it hung like that.”

prommie October 9, 2012 at 10:08 am

The Gettysburgh address was where Lincoln lived, too.

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