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Mitt Romney Molested By Over-Enthusiastic Floridian (Video)

Do you think dude is going to try to sell a vial of Romney’s sweat on eBay? Will he keep it next to his nightstand, in a special box, for sniffing? Maybe the guy just didn’t want Miffed Romney to have to wipe his face with his (debunked-ish) debate cheatsheet. More importantly, what (NONVIOLENT) thing would you do to Miffed Romney, if the Secret Service were ever tarded enough to let you up close?


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  1. PhilippePetain

    When you hang around with nutty white women, you're hanging around with nutty white women.

    Edit – oh shit, i thought that arm was coming from the stout hairdo at his side. My bad.

  2. Raskolnikova

    LMAO….I was waiting for him to French Kiss the RMONEYbot. He was touches with such delicate fingers.

  3. no_gravity

    More importanty, what (NONVIOLENT) thing would you do to Miffed Romney, if the Secret Service were ever tarded enough to let you up close?

    I probably would just fart in his general direction.

  4. savethispatient

    I'd spit on a hankie then wipe some imaginary smoot from his face, in the style of mothers everywhere.

    1. Katydid

      my mother, may she rest in peace, would come after me and my brother with the sponge. she didn't actually touch us with it, i think it was to scare us into being clean. it almost worked, and damn that thing smelled.

  5. Veritas78


  6. UnholyMoses

    what (NONVIOLENT) thing would you do to Miffed Romney, if the Secret Service were ever tarded enough to let you up close?

    That whole "NONVIOLENT" thing really limits a guy.

    Thus, not sure, other than shake his hand and ask him why he's such a lying fucknozzle who hates The Poorz and thinks the Presidency is his goddamn birthright.

      1. UnholyMoses

        Tyler is punchable in ways few have ever been punchable, as are his parents for raising such a whiny, entitled fuckface.


        Given all of the employees his firm fired after buying up companies and bankrupting them for profit, he deserves a nutpunch … OF VOTES

    1. hagajim

      I'd ask him to show me his majik undies – because he prolly doesn't have any. Too much lyin'.

  7. Jus_Wonderin

    I suppose, if I was allowed to get close enough, I'd ask how long it takes to recharge him and if his adapter is universal?

      1. Gleem McShineys

        FAQ: How can You can tell the date of the software inside the iRomney?

        Disconnect the Romney from the charger.
        Hold down the power button for about 10 seconds.
        Count the dits and dahs it is base 5 just like the test numbers.
        Each short beep is 1 & each long beep counts as 5.
        Its in the format year month day.

        A #4210 with a mfg-date of 041014 and got …. – …. —- . meaning 040921

  8. LesBontemps

    Romney's face-wiper. I suppose it beats the hell out of being Romney's ass-wiper. But then again, he's got all of Fux News for that job.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Wow, I wonder what all wonders come from a pearl necklace out of his magic underpants. No, wait, I just made myself sick. Nevermind.

      1. prommie

        Here we were having a moment, and your imagination comes up with that horrifying image? Ewwww.

  9. Mumbletypeg

    what would you do to Miffed Romney, if the Secret Service were ever tarded enough to let you up close?

    Check for the bump rumored to be where the Ken doll's tallywacker is supposed to go.

    Mumblety, age eight

  10. edgydrifter

    Glitterbomb! With all that product in his hair, that shit would be permanent. He'd look like one of Stephanie Meyer's Teen Fantasy Mormon Vampires.

    1. prommie

      He might enjoy that. I know I would! I was gonna ask you something about haircuts today, by the way. Its about Ringo.

  11. Callyson

    what (NONVIOLENT) thing would you do to Miffed Romney

    Point to his genital area and laugh uproariously.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      I believe all we can garner from his sweat is what vicosity his lubricants are. Of course, this is fall so he should change from 30W to a lighter blend. Oh, and if it is petroleum based or a synthetic.

  12. Goonemeritus

    That will one day be known as the Napkin of Romney relic, dozens of the faithful will flock to it to beseech the relic for tax cuts.

  13. coolhandnuke

    It's Mormon Boob Sweat. Mitt's CPU overheats and is not programmed for close combat cleverage.

  14. BoatOfVelociraptors

    It's voodoo economics.
    1. He gets some Romney sweat for his money doll.
    2. ???
    3. PROFIT!!!

    1. HarryButtle

      Mitt doesn't carry anything smaller than a gajillion dollar bill. Just try finding somebody who can make change from that!

  15. Poindexter718

    According to the Daily Caller, the wiper guy is a known Chicago thug who may have been attempting to off Mittens with a ricin-laced Wet-Wipe.

    1. DemmeFatale

      I saw a lot of thinly veiled hostility and nervous laughter from the Mittbot there.

      (But, damn! That was some over-zealous and inappropriate touching.)

  16. ElPinche

    That stupid dipshit doesn't know Mitt's going to take away his medicare and whatever other form of socialism that allows that walking heart attack to live. That dumb-ass would probably wipe Romney's ass if they'd let him .

    1. PubOption

      I think there is a dispute going on. Once access to hookers is returned, protection will return to its previous level.

    2. Negropolis

      The bear-hugger got approval from both the Secret Service and the president to do what he did from my reading on the event. This particular instance seems a bit scarier to me.

  17. BaldarTFlagass

    Doesn't this guy have any casual-campaigning shirts that don't have the checkered pattern?

  18. larrykat

    He probably was anointing him with olive oil – do Mormons do that? So they can slip into Kolob easier?

  19. SpeedoFart

    I'm still kind of shocked that someone is enthusiastic for Romney. How much did the campaign pay this guy?

  20. Jerri

    I'd give him a long, sexy kiss on the mouth, slutty liberal style (with tongue) leaving him (and Ann) sexually frustrated (more so) for years to come. I like my pretend pre-revenge moves to have staying power!

    Then I'd go puke in the nearest garbage can about 40 times.

  21. vtxmcrider

    I would pretend he was leading a wagon train and I was leading the Mountain Meadows Massacre.

  22. Gleem McShineys

    Ok so where's the guy carrying his cape? He's doing a James Brown thing to get in good with the colored voters, right?


  23. Negropolis

    You know, this being Florida, Mitt would have been completely justified in Standing His Ground, if you know what I mean.

    It rubs the lotion on its skin…

  24. Negropolis

    Obviously, they are trying to clone him. Why anyone would want to clone a Romney is beyond me as a Romney is already a copy of another Romney.

    This is almost as strange as Rick Perry and his hair-touching. Almost.

  25. ttommyunger

    Fun Fact: Pervy bald dude had fapped into that hankie just hours earlier. Now he and the Mittster are Ghey Married, some say…

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