SEXY VIDEOS  12:52 pm October 8, 2012

Mitt Romney Molested By Over-Enthusiastic Floridian (Video)

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Do you think dude is going to try to sell a vial of Romney’s sweat on eBay? Will he keep it next to his nightstand, in a special box, for sniffing? Maybe the guy just didn’t want Miffed Romney to have to wipe his face with his (debunked-ish) debate cheatsheet. More importantly, what (NONVIOLENT) thing would you do to Miffed Romney, if the Secret Service were ever tarded enough to let you up close?

[MyFoxDC]

 

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{ 96 comments }

GregComlish October 8, 2012 at 12:54 pm

He just needed to borrow some hair gel

Lot_49 October 8, 2012 at 1:03 pm

"Pardon me, could you spare me a dab of Brylcreem?"

OzoneTom October 8, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Rmoney flop-sweat wiper. See the good Governor just created yet another jerb!

kittensdontlie October 8, 2012 at 1:53 pm

He is sweating the details of all his lies,….and that's a lot of jerbs.

CheeseBro69 October 8, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Alas!
The rare Romney enthusiast caught on tape!

freakishlywrong October 8, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Again. Living in the Dumbshine State? Fucking mortifying.

PhilippePetain October 8, 2012 at 12:57 pm

When you hang around with nutty white women, you're hanging around with nutty white women.

Edit – oh shit, i thought that arm was coming from the stout hairdo at his side. My bad.

Raskolnikova October 8, 2012 at 12:58 pm

LMAO….I was waiting for him to French Kiss the RMONEYbot. He was touches with such delicate fingers.

Kid_Charlemagne October 8, 2012 at 12:58 pm

He was touching up the fleshtone paint.

pinupgirl123 October 9, 2012 at 12:07 pm

He couldn't keep his "Mittins" to himself!

no_gravity October 8, 2012 at 12:58 pm

More importanty, what (NONVIOLENT) thing would you do to Miffed Romney, if the Secret Service were ever tarded enough to let you up close?

I probably would just fart in his general direction.

Mittaplasia October 8, 2012 at 1:10 pm

His mother was a hamster and his father smelled of elderberries.

bikerlaureate October 8, 2012 at 1:44 pm

My first thought too, although I'm not sure he's even worth that much effort.

Gleem McShineys October 8, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Effort? As far as my GI tract is concerned, then, Ur doin it rong

ttommyunger October 9, 2012 at 8:17 am

Or taunt him a second time!

savethispatient October 8, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I'd spit on a hankie then wipe some imaginary smoot from his face, in the style of mothers everywhere.

Katydid October 8, 2012 at 1:08 pm

my mother, may she rest in peace, would come after me and my brother with the sponge. she didn't actually touch us with it, i think it was to scare us into being clean. it almost worked, and damn that thing smelled.

Isyaignert October 8, 2012 at 1:21 pm

The universal solvent is a mom's spit.

Veritas78 October 8, 2012 at 12:59 pm

INTRUDER CONTACT WITH SENSORY ZONE AT 270° • ARM INNER PERIMETER SYSTEMS • MAINTAIN SURFACE APPEARANCE • ALERT AGENTS

Crank_Tango October 8, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I'd ask him if he's holding.

UnholyMoses October 8, 2012 at 1:00 pm

what (NONVIOLENT) thing would you do to Miffed Romney, if the Secret Service were ever tarded enough to let you up close?

That whole "NONVIOLENT" thing really limits a guy.

Thus, not sure, other than shake his hand and ask him why he's such a lying fucknozzle who hates The Poorz and thinks the Presidency is his goddamn birthright.

Maman October 8, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Otherwise you could treat him like his name was "Tyler"

UnholyMoses October 8, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Tyler is punchable in ways few have ever been punchable, as are his parents for raising such a whiny, entitled fuckface.

Mitt?

Given all of the employees his firm fired after buying up companies and bankrupting them for profit, he deserves a nutpunch … OF VOTES

hagajim October 8, 2012 at 1:33 pm

I'd ask him to show me his majik undies – because he prolly doesn't have any. Too much lyin'.

Jus_Wonderin October 8, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I suppose, if I was allowed to get close enough, I'd ask how long it takes to recharge him and if his adapter is universal?

Lot_49 October 8, 2012 at 1:28 pm

iRomney 5 takes a different adapter, dammit.

Gleem McShineys October 8, 2012 at 4:26 pm

FAQ: How can You can tell the date of the software inside the iRomney?

Disconnect the Romney from the charger.
Hold down the power button for about 10 seconds.
Count the dits and dahs it is base 5 just like the test numbers.
Each short beep is 1 & each long beep counts as 5.
Its in the format year month day.

A #4210 with a mfg-date of 041014 and got …. – …. —- . meaning 040921

LesBontemps October 8, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Romney's face-wiper. I suppose it beats the hell out of being Romney's ass-wiper. But then again, he's got all of Fux News for that job.

weejee October 8, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Looks like a wipe out. Here's hoping Rmoney finds Election Day to be a full-blow yard sale.

Baconzgood October 8, 2012 at 1:00 pm

If you huff Mitt's sweat all the trees look the right size.

prommie October 8, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Everyone knows that wearing a vial of Mormon tears wards off bad luck!

FakaktaSouth October 8, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Wow, I wonder what all wonders come from a pearl necklace out of his magic underpants. No, wait, I just made myself sick. Nevermind.

prommie October 8, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Here we were having a moment, and your imagination comes up with that horrifying image? Ewwww.

ThundercatHo October 8, 2012 at 1:57 pm

PROFESSOR SNAPE LIBEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pinupgirl123 October 9, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I thought it just got you pregnant!

deanbooth October 8, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Today the forehead, tomorrow the foreskin!

Mumbletypeg October 8, 2012 at 1:01 pm

what would you do to Miffed Romney, if the Secret Service were ever tarded enough to let you up close?

Check for the bump rumored to be where the Ken doll's tallywacker is supposed to go.

Mumblety, age eight

edgydrifter October 8, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Glitterbomb! With all that product in his hair, that shit would be permanent. He'd look like one of Stephanie Meyer's Teen Fantasy Mormon Vampires.

FakaktaSouth October 8, 2012 at 1:01 pm

I would hold him down and cut his hair while chanting something about Staples sucking.

prommie October 8, 2012 at 1:34 pm

He might enjoy that. I know I would! I was gonna ask you something about haircuts today, by the way. Its about Ringo.

Hera Sent Me October 8, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I'd ask if he'd get me a set of magic underwear like he has.

Callyson October 8, 2012 at 1:03 pm

what (NONVIOLENT) thing would you do to Miffed Romney

Point to his genital area and laugh uproariously.

Maman October 8, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Do you think that you could clone Mitt with that sweat? And would that be redundant?

Jus_Wonderin October 8, 2012 at 1:17 pm

I believe all we can garner from his sweat is what vicosity his lubricants are. Of course, this is fall so he should change from 30W to a lighter blend. Oh, and if it is petroleum based or a synthetic.

pinupgirl123 October 9, 2012 at 12:09 pm

He already cloned himself 5 times with those creepy sons.

fishskicanoe October 8, 2012 at 1:03 pm

He was trying to wipe the smirk off his face.

Blueb4sinrise October 8, 2012 at 1:05 pm

CLEAVAGE!!!!
CLEAVAGE!!!!

Steverino247 October 8, 2012 at 1:05 pm

All those tits in view and he goes for the Mittbot? GAY!

Goonemeritus October 8, 2012 at 1:06 pm

That will one day be known as the Napkin of Romney relic, dozens of the faithful will flock to it to beseech the relic for tax cuts.

HarryButtle October 8, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Kinda like a Shroud of Mitt?

Rosie_Scenario October 8, 2012 at 2:36 pm

St. Veronica libel! Yes, I went to Catholic school.

Negropolis October 9, 2012 at 1:01 am

LOL!

coolhandnuke October 8, 2012 at 1:06 pm

It's Mormon Boob Sweat. Mitt's CPU overheats and is not programmed for close combat cleverage.

BoatOfVelociraptors October 8, 2012 at 1:07 pm

It's voodoo economics.
1. He gets some Romney sweat for his money doll.
2. ???
3. PROFIT!!!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 8, 2012 at 1:07 pm

I'd steal his wallet.

HarryButtle October 8, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Mitt doesn't carry anything smaller than a gajillion dollar bill. Just try finding somebody who can make change from that!

HarryButtle October 8, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Dude's gonna squeeze that out into a spoon, cook it up, and mainline the essence of Mitt!

Dr_Zoidberg October 8, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I'd slap some blackface on Mittens and see how fast the Teabaggers would turn on him.

edgydrifter October 8, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Eau de Mitt: a charming fragrance, reminiscent of WD-40 and burnt money.

SpeedoFart October 8, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I was thinking flop sweat and Aqua Velva, myself.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 8, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Actually, I'd give him a job (and housing) at one of his factories in China.

Mittaplasia October 8, 2012 at 1:14 pm

I want to stab him with a thousand votes.

Negropolis October 9, 2012 at 1:01 am

Death by a thousand (budget) cuts.

SpeedoFart October 8, 2012 at 1:17 pm

I'd totally accuse him of feeling up one of my boobs.

Poindexter718 October 8, 2012 at 1:18 pm

According to the Daily Caller, the wiper guy is a known Chicago thug who may have been attempting to off Mittens with a ricin-laced Wet-Wipe.

TootsStansbury October 8, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I would simply deploy a magnet.

Chet Kincaid_ October 8, 2012 at 1:20 pm

You people just don't understand how much self-control it took to stifle his recoil and sarcastic put-down. This is hard!!

nonbeliever7 October 8, 2012 at 1:23 pm

"He's touching me! He's touching ME!"

DemmeFatale October 8, 2012 at 3:05 pm

I saw a lot of thinly veiled hostility and nervous laughter from the Mittbot there.

(But, damn! That was some over-zealous and inappropriate touching.)

ElPinche October 8, 2012 at 1:24 pm

That stupid dipshit doesn't know Mitt's going to take away his medicare and whatever other form of socialism that allows that walking heart attack to live. That dumb-ass would probably wipe Romney's ass if they'd let him .

SayItWithWookies October 8, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I would've proudly informed him that the previous three generations of Romneys have now all been baptized as atheist vegetarian socialists.

Chet Kincaid_ October 8, 2012 at 1:34 pm

If I may concern-troll, the SS is getting lax, between this and the guy bear-hugging Obama. I don't like it.

PubOption October 8, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I think there is a dispute going on. Once access to hookers is returned, protection will return to its previous level.

Negropolis October 9, 2012 at 1:04 am

The bear-hugger got approval from both the Secret Service and the president to do what he did from my reading on the event. This particular instance seems a bit scarier to me.

BaldarTFlagass October 8, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Doesn't this guy have any casual-campaigning shirts that don't have the checkered pattern?

larrykat October 8, 2012 at 1:53 pm

He probably was anointing him with olive oil – do Mormons do that? So they can slip into Kolob easier?

SpeedoFart October 8, 2012 at 1:58 pm

I'm still kind of shocked that someone is enthusiastic for Romney. How much did the campaign pay this guy?

kanuckledragger October 8, 2012 at 2:03 pm

The other "secret" is that a Romney Super-PAC has been taking money from foreign contributors. See:
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/politics/cana

Hence, Mitt's flopsweat….

CapnFatback October 8, 2012 at 2:16 pm

I'd do exactly the same thing, only my rag would be soaked in ether.

Jerri October 8, 2012 at 2:27 pm

I'd give him a long, sexy kiss on the mouth, slutty liberal style (with tongue) leaving him (and Ann) sexually frustrated (more so) for years to come. I like my pretend pre-revenge moves to have staying power!

Then I'd go puke in the nearest garbage can about 40 times.

Negropolis October 9, 2012 at 1:05 am

Talk about a mindfuck. No one would know what to do. lol

Will_Panic October 8, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I'd punch him in the kidney…with votes.

fuflans October 8, 2012 at 2:42 pm

i think i can say with some assurance i will never ever be close enough to mitt romney to make a difference.

ChrisM2011 October 8, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Bill Cosby's bit, "Will You Stop Touching Me!!?" keeps going through my head…

outragedcitizen October 8, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I kinda see baldy running around with RMoney's flop-sweat covered hankie stuffed in his man-panties.

Mittens Howell, III October 8, 2012 at 3:19 pm

mmm my precioussss … let me wipe my preciousss plutocrat

vtxmcrider October 8, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I would pretend he was leading a wagon train and I was leading the Mountain Meadows Massacre.

TribecaMike October 8, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I thought Mormons weren't allowed to get head?

teebob2000 October 8, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I'd give him ol' "hey Mitt, pull my finger."

Gleem McShineys October 8, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Ok so where's the guy carrying his cape? He's doing a James Brown thing to get in good with the colored voters, right?

JUMP BACK, MITT MYSELF, HAIII

Gleem McShineys October 8, 2012 at 4:41 pm

"Did you just touch Mitt Romney?!"

"It's ok, it was only on the penis"

Dr_pangloss October 8, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Handkerchief: $4
Meeting Mitt Romney: $75,000
Flopsweat soaked hankie: Priceless

Negropolis October 9, 2012 at 12:44 am

You know, this being Florida, Mitt would have been completely justified in Standing His Ground, if you know what I mean.

It rubs the lotion on its skin…

Negropolis October 9, 2012 at 12:47 am

Obviously, they are trying to clone him. Why anyone would want to clone a Romney is beyond me as a Romney is already a copy of another Romney.

This is almost as strange as Rick Perry and his hair-touching. Almost.

ttommyunger October 9, 2012 at 8:20 am

Fun Fact: Pervy bald dude had fapped into that hankie just hours earlier. Now he and the Mittster are Ghey Married, some say…

FieryLocks October 9, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Creepy bodily fluid collector

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