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Mitt Romney Molested By Over-Enthusiastic Floridian (Video)

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Do you think dude is going to try to sell a vial of Romney’s sweat on eBay? Will he keep it next to his nightstand, in a special box, for sniffing? Maybe the guy just didn’t want Miffed Romney to have to wipe his face with his (debunked-ish) debate cheatsheet. More importantly, what (NONVIOLENT) thing would you do to Miffed Romney, if the Secret Service were ever tarded enough to let you up close?

[MyFoxDC]

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Comments

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  • GregComlish

    He just needed to borrow some hair gel

    • Lot_49

      "Pardon me, could you spare me a dab of Brylcreem?"

  • OzoneTom

    Rmoney flop-sweat wiper. See the good Governor just created yet another jerb!

    • kittensdontlie

      He is sweating the details of all his lies,….and that's a lot of jerbs.

  • http://gorejusgeorge.tumblr.com CheeseBro69

    Alas!
    The rare Romney enthusiast caught on tape!

  • freakishlywrong

    Again. Living in the Dumbshine State? Fucking mortifying.

  • PhilippePetain

    When you hang around with nutty white women, you're hanging around with nutty white women.

    Edit – oh shit, i thought that arm was coming from the stout hairdo at his side. My bad.

  • Raskolnikova

    LMAO….I was waiting for him to French Kiss the RMONEYbot. He was touches with such delicate fingers.

  • Kid_Charlemagne

    He was touching up the fleshtone paint.

    • pinupgirl123

      He couldn't keep his "Mittins" to himself!

  • no_gravity

    More importanty, what (NONVIOLENT) thing would you do to Miffed Romney, if the Secret Service were ever tarded enough to let you up close?

    I probably would just fart in his general direction.

    • Mittaplasia

      His mother was a hamster and his father smelled of elderberries.

    • bikerlaureate

      My first thought too, although I'm not sure he's even worth that much effort.

      • Gleem McShineys

        Effort? As far as my GI tract is concerned, then, Ur doin it rong

    • ttommyunger

      Or taunt him a second time!

  • savethispatient

    I'd spit on a hankie then wipe some imaginary smoot from his face, in the style of mothers everywhere.

    • Katydid

      my mother, may she rest in peace, would come after me and my brother with the sponge. she didn't actually touch us with it, i think it was to scare us into being clean. it almost worked, and damn that thing smelled.

    • Isyaignert

      The universal solvent is a mom's spit.

  • Veritas78

    INTRUDER CONTACT WITH SENSORY ZONE AT 270° • ARM INNER PERIMETER SYSTEMS • MAINTAIN SURFACE APPEARANCE • ALERT AGENTS

  • Crank_Tango

    I'd ask him if he's holding.

  • UnholyMoses

    what (NONVIOLENT) thing would you do to Miffed Romney, if the Secret Service were ever tarded enough to let you up close?

    That whole "NONVIOLENT" thing really limits a guy.

    Thus, not sure, other than shake his hand and ask him why he's such a lying fucknozzle who hates The Poorz and thinks the Presidency is his goddamn birthright.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Otherwise you could treat him like his name was "Tyler"

      • UnholyMoses

        Tyler is punchable in ways few have ever been punchable, as are his parents for raising such a whiny, entitled fuckface.

        Mitt?

        Given all of the employees his firm fired after buying up companies and bankrupting them for profit, he deserves a nutpunch … OF VOTES

    • hagajim

      I'd ask him to show me his majik undies – because he prolly doesn't have any. Too much lyin'.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I suppose, if I was allowed to get close enough, I'd ask how long it takes to recharge him and if his adapter is universal?

    • Lot_49

      iRomney 5 takes a different adapter, dammit.

      • Gleem McShineys

        FAQ: How can You can tell the date of the software inside the iRomney?

        Disconnect the Romney from the charger.
        Hold down the power button for about 10 seconds.
        Count the dits and dahs it is base 5 just like the test numbers.
        Each short beep is 1 & each long beep counts as 5.
        Its in the format year month day.

        A #4210 with a mfg-date of 041014 and got …. – …. —- . meaning 040921

  • LesBontemps

    Romney's face-wiper. I suppose it beats the hell out of being Romney's ass-wiper. But then again, he's got all of Fux News for that job.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Looks like a wipe out. Here's hoping Rmoney finds Election Day to be a full-blow yard sale.

  • Baconzgood

    If you huff Mitt's sweat all the trees look the right size.

  • prommie

    Everyone knows that wearing a vial of Mormon tears wards off bad luck!

    • FakaktaSouth

      Wow, I wonder what all wonders come from a pearl necklace out of his magic underpants. No, wait, I just made myself sick. Nevermind.

      • prommie

        Here we were having a moment, and your imagination comes up with that horrifying image? Ewwww.

    • ThundercatHo

      PROFESSOR SNAPE LIBEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • pinupgirl123

      I thought it just got you pregnant!

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    Today the forehead, tomorrow the foreskin!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    what would you do to Miffed Romney, if the Secret Service were ever tarded enough to let you up close?

    Check for the bump rumored to be where the Ken doll's tallywacker is supposed to go.

    Mumblety, age eight

  • edgydrifter

    Glitterbomb! With all that product in his hair, that shit would be permanent. He'd look like one of Stephanie Meyer's Teen Fantasy Mormon Vampires.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I would hold him down and cut his hair while chanting something about Staples sucking.

    • prommie

      He might enjoy that. I know I would! I was gonna ask you something about haircuts today, by the way. Its about Ringo.

  • Hera Sent Me

    I'd ask if he'd get me a set of magic underwear like he has.

  • Callyson

    what (NONVIOLENT) thing would you do to Miffed Romney

    Point to his genital area and laugh uproariously.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Do you think that you could clone Mitt with that sweat? And would that be redundant?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I believe all we can garner from his sweat is what vicosity his lubricants are. Of course, this is fall so he should change from 30W to a lighter blend. Oh, and if it is petroleum based or a synthetic.

    • pinupgirl123

      He already cloned himself 5 times with those creepy sons.

  • fishskicanoe

    He was trying to wipe the smirk off his face.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    CLEAVAGE!!!!
    CLEAVAGE!!!!

  • Steverino247

    All those tits in view and he goes for the Mittbot? GAY!

  • Goonemeritus

    That will one day be known as the Napkin of Romney relic, dozens of the faithful will flock to it to beseech the relic for tax cuts.

    • HarryButtle

      Kinda like a Shroud of Mitt?

    • Rosie_Scenario

      St. Veronica libel! Yes, I went to Catholic school.

    • Negropolis

      LOL!

  • coolhandnuke

    It's Mormon Boob Sweat. Mitt's CPU overheats and is not programmed for close combat cleverage.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    It's voodoo economics.
    1. He gets some Romney sweat for his money doll.
    2. ???
    3. PROFIT!!!

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    I'd steal his wallet.

    • HarryButtle

      Mitt doesn't carry anything smaller than a gajillion dollar bill. Just try finding somebody who can make change from that!

  • HarryButtle

    Dude's gonna squeeze that out into a spoon, cook it up, and mainline the essence of Mitt!

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    I'd slap some blackface on Mittens and see how fast the Teabaggers would turn on him.

  • edgydrifter

    Eau de Mitt: a charming fragrance, reminiscent of WD-40 and burnt money.

    • SpeedoFart

      I was thinking flop sweat and Aqua Velva, myself.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Actually, I'd give him a job (and housing) at one of his factories in China.

  • Mittaplasia

    I want to stab him with a thousand votes.

    • Negropolis

      Death by a thousand (budget) cuts.

  • SpeedoFart

    I'd totally accuse him of feeling up one of my boobs.

  • Poindexter718

    According to the Daily Caller, the wiper guy is a known Chicago thug who may have been attempting to off Mittens with a ricin-laced Wet-Wipe.

  • TootsStansbury

    I would simply deploy a magnet.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    You people just don't understand how much self-control it took to stifle his recoil and sarcastic put-down. This is hard!!

    • nonbeliever7

      "He's touching me! He's touching ME!"

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      I saw a lot of thinly veiled hostility and nervous laughter from the Mittbot there.

      (But, damn! That was some over-zealous and inappropriate touching.)

  • ElPinche

    That stupid dipshit doesn't know Mitt's going to take away his medicare and whatever other form of socialism that allows that walking heart attack to live. That dumb-ass would probably wipe Romney's ass if they'd let him .

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    I would've proudly informed him that the previous three generations of Romneys have now all been baptized as atheist vegetarian socialists.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    If I may concern-troll, the SS is getting lax, between this and the guy bear-hugging Obama. I don't like it.

    • PubOption

      I think there is a dispute going on. Once access to hookers is returned, protection will return to its previous level.

    • Negropolis

      The bear-hugger got approval from both the Secret Service and the president to do what he did from my reading on the event. This particular instance seems a bit scarier to me.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Doesn't this guy have any casual-campaigning shirts that don't have the checkered pattern?

  • larrykat

    He probably was anointing him with olive oil – do Mormons do that? So they can slip into Kolob easier?

  • SpeedoFart

    I'm still kind of shocked that someone is enthusiastic for Romney. How much did the campaign pay this guy?

  • kanuckledragger

    The other "secret" is that a Romney Super-PAC has been taking money from foreign contributors. See:
    http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/politics/cana

    Hence, Mitt's flopsweat….

  • CapnFatback

    I'd do exactly the same thing, only my rag would be soaked in ether.

  • Jerri

    I'd give him a long, sexy kiss on the mouth, slutty liberal style (with tongue) leaving him (and Ann) sexually frustrated (more so) for years to come. I like my pretend pre-revenge moves to have staying power!

    Then I'd go puke in the nearest garbage can about 40 times.

    • Negropolis

      Talk about a mindfuck. No one would know what to do. lol

  • Will_Panic

    I'd punch him in the kidney…with votes.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    i think i can say with some assurance i will never ever be close enough to mitt romney to make a difference.

  • ChrisM2011

    Bill Cosby's bit, "Will You Stop Touching Me!!?" keeps going through my head…

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    I kinda see baldy running around with RMoney's flop-sweat covered hankie stuffed in his man-panties.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    mmm my precioussss … let me wipe my preciousss plutocrat

  • vtxmcrider

    I would pretend he was leading a wagon train and I was leading the Mountain Meadows Massacre.

  • TribecaMike

    I thought Mormons weren't allowed to get head?

  • teebob2000

    I'd give him ol' "hey Mitt, pull my finger."

  • Gleem McShineys

    Ok so where's the guy carrying his cape? He's doing a James Brown thing to get in good with the colored voters, right?

    JUMP BACK, MITT MYSELF, HAIII

  • Gleem McShineys

    "Did you just touch Mitt Romney?!"

    "It's ok, it was only on the penis"

  • http://wonkette.com Dr_pangloss

    Handkerchief: $4
    Meeting Mitt Romney: $75,000
    Flopsweat soaked hankie: Priceless

  • Negropolis

    You know, this being Florida, Mitt would have been completely justified in Standing His Ground, if you know what I mean.

    It rubs the lotion on its skin…

  • Negropolis

    Obviously, they are trying to clone him. Why anyone would want to clone a Romney is beyond me as a Romney is already a copy of another Romney.

    This is almost as strange as Rick Perry and his hair-touching. Almost.

  • ttommyunger

    Fun Fact: Pervy bald dude had fapped into that hankie just hours earlier. Now he and the Mittster are Ghey Married, some say…

  • FieryLocks

    Creepy bodily fluid collector