Old Handsome Joe Biden Will Buy You A Douche

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

We, like you, are not particularly interested in listening to Miffed Romney spout bizarre lies about one B. HUSSEIN Obummer’s foreign policy record. So instead, we will listen to the geniuses at Bad Lip Reading in their most brilliant video yet, one focusing on none other than our Old Handsome Joe as he illuminates the perils of prickly-pear bush. You’re welcome, America. [Youtube]

 
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{ 45 comments }

nounverb911 October 8, 2012 at 12:11 pm

I thought Steve Douchee was free on Fox.

boobookitteh October 8, 2012 at 12:12 pm

"This guy's a fucking pig and don't forget I'm a philosophy weirdo."

I may have a new twitter bio.

OzoneTom October 8, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Finally some "back-door relief"!

Dr_Zoidberg October 8, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Ol' handsome Joe can do anything to me he likes.

Texan_Bulldog October 8, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Even if Joe actually said all this, I would still prefer him over that jackass Ryan.

Callyson October 8, 2012 at 12:19 pm

This was more coherent than anything Paul Ryan has said. Looking forward to the debate.

eggsacklywright October 8, 2012 at 12:19 pm

The dude is a-biden.

WhatTheHeck October 8, 2012 at 12:20 pm

read my lips: Crazy as a Fox asshole.

RedneckMuslin October 8, 2012 at 12:20 pm

I like hamster on my duck sandwich.

RedneckMuslin October 8, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Hey! That's not what I typed! What's going on here?!

Lascauxcaveman October 8, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Gang fight! Gang fight!

snowpointsecret October 8, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Still made far more sense than the first debate.

DCBloom October 8, 2012 at 12:25 pm

31/2 minutes well spent!

Mittaplasia October 8, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I watched the Obama one right after it and now I can't get the "Let's creep through the frozen aisle" song out of my head.

DCBloom October 8, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Thanks! Soon as I have a little time, I'm gonna check out the others.

UnionAgitator October 8, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Romney is a funky munch who'd make Cindy's fun barrel clam up.

LesBontemps October 8, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Finally, Uncle Joe is making sense!

freakishlywrong October 8, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Say it's so, Handsome Joe. (And kick that little shitwaffle's ass, please).

ChillBill October 8, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Joe will own a douche during the veep debate.

FakaktaSouth October 8, 2012 at 12:32 pm

I want a little lesbian cup and to eat po-boys with Joe while he waxes poetic on shaving. I'm a philosophy weirdo too! I also want him to bitch-slap Pauley Fucknuts' smug little face.

I also highly recommend BLR's Everybody Poops a la The Black Eyed Peas. Best song they ever did.

cheetojeebus October 8, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Chicken fuckin salad. All over my computer screen gawd damnit, and I nearly choked to death.

Caelan Aegana October 8, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I learned long ago not to eat and Wonket.

TootsStansbury October 8, 2012 at 12:34 pm

"I'm Mitt Romney and I approve this message."

prommie October 8, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Well I cannot listen to such as this because technically I am at "work," so I have no idea what all this is about, but what the fuck I can still comment on it! I get paid to do that! I am a professional expert at providing opinions on things I know nothing about, and as long as I am loud and confident, hey, noone questions me! Hey, Joe Biden, I love him! thats all I know, so there.

FakaktaSouth October 8, 2012 at 12:39 pm

I love him and you and that you get paid to have opinions on whatever you think of next. Assfucking! (sorry I'm still not ready to stop saying that) I gotta find out when the veep debate is.

prommie October 8, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Like the Hoodoo Gurus say, I was gone the moment I laid eyes on you. Metaphorically, of course, way before actually.

prommie October 8, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Hey, wait, no obscure alternative music references are necessary here, are they? I love you works just fine on its own.

Mittens Howell, III October 8, 2012 at 12:53 pm

I love your work, Prommie!

JackDempsey1 October 8, 2012 at 12:38 pm

He has the coherence and confidence of a young Reagan.

BarackMyWorld October 8, 2012 at 12:40 pm

"…Romney spout bizarre lies about one B. HUSSEIN Obummer’s foreign policy record."

Well, that's a completely bizarre, unexpected development.

Yeah, sorry, but all I can do is be sarcastic about it, because that's as much thought as a critique of Romney's foreign policy deserves.

LibertyLover October 8, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Is it just me, or is Uncle Joe making more sense than usual?

Mittens Howell, III October 8, 2012 at 12:50 pm

OMG That is toe up.

That is TOE UP!

BoatOfVelociraptors October 8, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Right on, brotha! It's like riding a chopper. Toe up.

BoatOfVelociraptors October 8, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Easy Ridin' Biden. "She'll call you back."

PuckStopsHere October 8, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Other things that make sense:
Now the senator came down here
Showing ev'ryone his gun,
Handing out free tickets
To the wedding of his son.
An' me, I nearly got busted
An' wouldn't it be my luck
To get caught without a ticket
And be discovered beneath a truck.

DCBloom October 8, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Oh, Mama, can this really be the end?

DahBoner October 8, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Now, Democrats can wear their white tennis dresses and ride horses on the beach again…

tessiee October 8, 2012 at 1:36 pm

They're in a Tampax ad?

bibliotequetress October 8, 2012 at 2:02 pm

PIKACHU!

Limeylizzie October 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Thank you Editrix, for making my day better with Handsome Joe.I needed the back-door relief as my day started horribly.My agent called last week to tell me I had an audition for Mr Fincher's new project for Netflix, a re-make of House of Cards starring Kevin Spacey, a very nice role , so I was all excited and worked like a maniac on it for days and then I get an email at 7am saying that Mr Fincher has cast it from LA. Fuck him. This is why I have not been on the Wonkette lately.

ttommyunger October 9, 2012 at 8:26 am

Their loss. Anyway, I hear Keven has the ghey, so you're at least safe from the danger of catching that; more, I mean…

tessiee October 8, 2012 at 2:51 pm

No discussion of douches should be missing this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEAijw2GEts

tessiee October 8, 2012 at 2:54 pm

BIDEN GANGNAM STYLE!!

tessiee October 8, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Somewhat on-topic for lip-synching, somewhat awesome, somewhat goofy:

Very strange 1960s vintage video of Italian words rearranged to sound like he's singing in something like English.
0.10 (and again at 1.57) is the most Italian thing I've ever seen in my life:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEAijw2GEts

OLL RAIGHTH!!

ttommyunger October 9, 2012 at 8:27 am

Joe would rock reading the Telephone Book….Remember those?

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