mom can a douche help you feel more confident?

Old Handsome Joe Biden Will Buy You A Douche

We, like you, are not particularly interested in listening to Miffed Romney spout bizarre lies about one B. HUSSEIN Obummer’s foreign policy record. So instead, we will listen to the geniuses at Bad Lip Reading in their most brilliant video yet, one focusing on none other than our Old Handsome Joe as he illuminates the perils of prickly-pear bush. You’re welcome, America. [Youtube]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  • nounverb911

    I thought Steve Douchee was free on Fox.

  • http://twitter.com/bookofruthless boobookitteh

    "This guy's a fucking pig and don't forget I'm a philosophy weirdo."

    I may have a new twitter bio.

  • OzoneTom

    Finally some "back-door relief"!

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Ol' handsome Joe can do anything to me he likes.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Even if Joe actually said all this, I would still prefer him over that jackass Ryan.

  • Callyson

    This was more coherent than anything Paul Ryan has said. Looking forward to the debate.

  • eggsacklywright

    The dude is a-biden.

  • WhatTheHeck

    read my lips: Crazy as a Fox asshole.

  • RedneckMuslin

    I like hamster on my duck sandwich.

    • RedneckMuslin

      Hey! That's not what I typed! What's going on here?!

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Gang fight! Gang fight!

  • snowpointsecret

    Still made far more sense than the first debate.

  • DCBloom

    31/2 minutes well spent!

    • Mittaplasia

      I watched the Obama one right after it and now I can't get the "Let's creep through the frozen aisle" song out of my head.

      • DCBloom

        Thanks! Soon as I have a little time, I'm gonna check out the others.

  • http://lovematters-manabouttown.blogspot.com/ UnionAgitator

    Romney is a funky munch who'd make Cindy's fun barrel clam up.

  • LesBontemps

    Finally, Uncle Joe is making sense!

  • freakishlywrong

    Say it's so, Handsome Joe. (And kick that little shitwaffle's ass, please).

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    Joe will own a douche during the veep debate.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I want a little lesbian cup and to eat po-boys with Joe while he waxes poetic on shaving. I'm a philosophy weirdo too! I also want him to bitch-slap Pauley Fucknuts' smug little face.

    I also highly recommend BLR's Everybody Poops a la The Black Eyed Peas. Best song they ever did.

  • cheetojeebus

    Chicken fuckin salad. All over my computer screen gawd damnit, and I nearly choked to death.

    • Caelan Aegana

      I learned long ago not to eat and Wonket.

  • TootsStansbury

    "I'm Mitt Romney and I approve this message."

  • prommie

    Well I cannot listen to such as this because technically I am at "work," so I have no idea what all this is about, but what the fuck I can still comment on it! I get paid to do that! I am a professional expert at providing opinions on things I know nothing about, and as long as I am loud and confident, hey, noone questions me! Hey, Joe Biden, I love him! thats all I know, so there.

    • FakaktaSouth

      I love him and you and that you get paid to have opinions on whatever you think of next. Assfucking! (sorry I'm still not ready to stop saying that) I gotta find out when the veep debate is.

      • prommie

        Like the Hoodoo Gurus say, I was gone the moment I laid eyes on you. Metaphorically, of course, way before actually.

      • prommie

        Hey, wait, no obscure alternative music references are necessary here, are they? I love you works just fine on its own.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      I love your work, Prommie!

  • JackDempsey1

    He has the coherence and confidence of a young Reagan.

  • BarackMyWorld

    "…Romney spout bizarre lies about one B. HUSSEIN Obummer’s foreign policy record."

    Well, that's a completely bizarre, unexpected development.

    Yeah, sorry, but all I can do is be sarcastic about it, because that's as much thought as a critique of Romney's foreign policy deserves.

  • LibertyLover

    Is it just me, or is Uncle Joe making more sense than usual?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    OMG That is toe up.

    That is TOE UP!

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Right on, brotha! It's like riding a chopper. Toe up.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Easy Ridin' Biden. "She'll call you back."

  • PuckStopsHere

    Other things that make sense:
    Now the senator came down here
    Showing ev'ryone his gun,
    Handing out free tickets
    To the wedding of his son.
    An' me, I nearly got busted
    An' wouldn't it be my luck
    To get caught without a ticket
    And be discovered beneath a truck.

    • DCBloom

      Oh, Mama, can this really be the end?

  • DahBoner

    Now, Democrats can wear their white tennis dresses and ride horses on the beach again…

    • tessiee

      They're in a Tampax ad?

  • bibliotequetress

    PIKACHU!

  • Limeylizzie

    Thank you Editrix, for making my day better with Handsome Joe.I needed the back-door relief as my day started horribly.My agent called last week to tell me I had an audition for Mr Fincher's new project for Netflix, a re-make of House of Cards starring Kevin Spacey, a very nice role , so I was all excited and worked like a maniac on it for days and then I get an email at 7am saying that Mr Fincher has cast it from LA. Fuck him. This is why I have not been on the Wonkette lately.

    • ttommyunger

      Their loss. Anyway, I hear Keven has the ghey, so you're at least safe from the danger of catching that; more, I mean…

  • tessiee

    No discussion of douches should be missing this:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEAijw2GEts

  • tessiee

    BIDEN GANGNAM STYLE!!

  • tessiee

    Somewhat on-topic for lip-synching, somewhat awesome, somewhat goofy:

    Very strange 1960s vintage video of Italian words rearranged to sound like he's singing in something like English.
    0.10 (and again at 1.57) is the most Italian thing I've ever seen in my life:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEAijw2GEts

    OLL RAIGHTH!!

  • ttommyunger

    Joe would rock reading the Telephone Book….Remember those?