THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING  11:30 am October 8, 2012

We Genocided The Indians And Enslaved The Slaves So Man-Child Could Live With Parents And Whine About Voting

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

How?Happy Columbus Day, Merkins! Are you so grateful to be a citizen of the US-of-A on this, the day we commemorate how we came over and righteously kicked some Injun ass? How about if you knew we had given our righteous ass-kickings so terrible man-children could live in their parents’ garage apartments, decline full time jobs teaching in their fields, take long meandering drives to nowhere, and then whine about how hard it is to choose between Miffed Romney and B. Barry Bamz, because Mr. Bamz has yet to bring them their own personal ponies? USA! USA! Wonkers, meet the most punchable man in America.

Tyler York lives in a comfortable space above a three-car garage. He has his own entrance and kitchenette stocked with Capri Sun and frozen bagels. There’s a queen-sized bed, a plush leather couch and a large, flat-screen TV. The land around the house is wooded with old oaks and maples, and the yard is curated by the former president of the local garden club. There’s an in-ground pool out back with an HGTV-inspired slide.

It’s a great life, and none of it belongs to him.

Tyler has Capri Sun and frozen bagels. But are there hardships? THERE ARE. Please remove all children and pregnant ladies from the room, you guys: the wifi does not reach all the way to the pool! HOW DOES HE LIVE????

Mostly, Tyler sits on his couch, or poolside, drinks his juicebox, and turns down jobs. But sometimes he goes to his nieces’ birthday party and barks “BE BETTER” at them when he yanks his palm away from their high-fives. Being a dick to children is like a full-time job right there!

Sometimes, he gets in the car for long drives to nowhere in particular. Once he might have considered it a waste of time, but lately he thinks he gets a lot done when he lets his mind drift: work, his little brother’s college decision, his friends’ money worries, politics, the world, right and wrong, what’s next.

“What’s going on?” he wonders. “Am I really happy?”

Is Tyler happy? We should worry about this for a while. Oh right, no we shouldn’t.

But what about Tyler’s vote? Who will earn it?

Tyler can rattle off a quick opinion on almost any issue in the news. He thinks we should rework education and job training entirely, move away from using coal for energy and give women complete, unbiased medical information if they have an unexpected pregnancy. He’s fine with paying taxes but wants the money spent wisely on libraries, fire departments and schools. He does not like public money to be funneled to boondoggles, like, he thinks, Boston’s Big Dig. After all that time and money, he doesn’t understand why it still needs fixing, or why he sits in traffic for hours to visit his girlfriend at her apartment near Fenway Park.

None of those issues are likely to decide his vote. He would back a candidate he disagreed with if he thought the person could make people work together, he says. Tyler thinks all elected leaders — not just the president — should cooperate to help the country grow. He might not like some of their decisions, but he respects the process.

“Being a voter, you just want to see progress, and there really hasn’t been for how many years now?” Tyler says. “If you have a strong argument supporting your opinion that’s different than mine, I’m more than willing to have that conversation with you. I want to talk, I want to understand why you think that way. It could change my mind … but I won’t know unless I have that conversation.”

That’s true, there has been no progress at all for the past four years. Tyler says so!

Of course he doesn’t want his friends or family or anyone else to struggle or be at a disadvantage, he says, but he doesn’t think that’ll happen if politicians will stop being stubborn and start working together.

It is true, if Romney is elected, Congress will stop being stubborn and start working together … on things like slashing education and job training, gifting more subsidies to Exxon-Mobil, banning abortion, and the opposite of every other thing Tyler was jabbering about five paragraphs ago. Teamwork! Tyler is just a super-smart, cool young man, and his parents are very lucky to have him drinking his juicebox in their garage apartment.

He will vote in November, along with millions of others trying to figure out the same things: What’s really going on here? Am I really happy?

He thinks the decision will be good practice, a nice exercise, if not a simple one. He doesn’t like things to be too easy, anyway.

Abortion should be legal through age 26.

[CNN]

 
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{ 150 comments }

Maman October 8, 2012 at 11:35 am

I am not his mother, and I want to abort him.

(please, please, please… don't let my girls end up like this….)

Goonemeritus October 8, 2012 at 11:50 am

You remind me of my brother-in-law, we were watching his daughter play at a park when she was about two. When I mentioned to him how sweet a kid she was his only response was please Lord don’t let her grow up to be a Crack whore.

Maman October 8, 2012 at 11:52 am

I had more hope when they were 2. They are 16 and 17 now. Currently, I am just terrified.

WhatTheHolyHeck October 8, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Self-fulfilling prophecy on line one.

freakishlywrong October 8, 2012 at 11:59 am

You're a wino. Not a chance!

Chet Kincaid_ October 8, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Kick they asses out!!

bravo_sierra October 8, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Take away their juice boxes. It is all about making the home environment unpleasant enough that the alternative (part time job at Starbucks, living with 3 roommates) is preferable.

Kid_Charlemagne October 8, 2012 at 11:35 am

His name is "Tyler" for Christsakes. If that isn't an invitation to get punched in the face, I don't know what is.

Maman October 8, 2012 at 11:40 am

The last "Tyler" I encountered had a Senor Wences mustache tattooed on his finger. I wanted to kick him in the nutz

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 11:43 am

Points for you, mam.

SexySmurf October 8, 2012 at 11:46 am

I'm guessing his World of Warcraft name is Tyler the Destroyer.

sullivanst October 8, 2012 at 11:59 am

You think he's a sarcastic Odd Future fan?

Chichikovovich October 8, 2012 at 11:50 am

Commie! I bet you don't like Tippecanoe either.

snowpointsecret October 8, 2012 at 11:58 am

I'll officially never be able to go to Tipp City without thinking about Wonkette now. Or deal with the really annoying kid down the street named Tyler.

BoatOfVelociraptors October 8, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Also, too.

eggsacklywright October 8, 2012 at 11:58 am

Bet he wears bow-ties. And polo shirts what have alligators on them.

viennawoods13 October 8, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Hopefully not at the same time.

Boredw/Gravitas October 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Don't punch Tyler Durden in the face. He will punch right back.

mormos October 8, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Yeah all the tylers i know are fuck ups.
also, my name is tyler.

Steverino247 October 8, 2012 at 11:36 am

Guys like Tyler York are happy because they have no idea how high they are on the Domestic Drone Strike Target List.

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 11:36 am

An aging emo is a terrible thing…

Terry October 8, 2012 at 11:36 am

Tyler's parents should be humiliated by this article. They should hang their heads in utter shame.

Maman October 8, 2012 at 11:41 am

They should take him to the shelter until he develops the gumption to get a job.

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 11:44 am

Or grow a pair…

tessiee October 8, 2012 at 1:06 pm

They undoubtedly already hang their heads in utter shame at least once a day.

shelwood46 October 8, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Indeed. Having wifi that doesn't reach the pool. Buy a wifi extender, losers, for shame.

pinkocommi October 8, 2012 at 11:37 am

Today, we are all Tyler Yorks. By that I mean, spoiled, yet disillusioned brats.

Come here a minute October 8, 2012 at 11:37 am

…why he sits in traffic for hours to visit his girlfriend at her apartment near Fenway Park.

Because he's too stupid to take the T?

larrykat October 8, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Maybe because he likes to stoke his anger at the Big Dig by sitting in the tunnels for a long time.

KPod October 8, 2012 at 12:35 pm

That he HAS a girlfriend is kind of amazing to me.

tessiee October 8, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Guys like that ALWAYS have a girlfriend… somehow…
It's mind-boggling, isn't it?

Dudleydidwrong October 8, 2012 at 11:38 am

New Hampshire, huh? He's got the "Live Free" part of their license plate slogan pretty well nailed down. When does the "Or Die" come into effect? (Maybe after he finds out that his parents won't enlarge the swimming pool so that his wi-fi will work while he sits outside.)

Boojum October 8, 2012 at 11:58 am

Change it to Live Free, Die Young.

kittensdontlie October 8, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Abortion should be legal through age 26.–Trixy

FakaktaSouth October 8, 2012 at 11:39 am

As one prone to doing nothing, I shan't give a fuck what Tyler does. However, it does appear that Tyler's parents are rich, like what Mitt calls upper middle class, and if THIS shit ain't a reason to raise their taxes, I don't know what the fuck could be.

Fairtackle October 8, 2012 at 11:43 am

And an excellent justification for the inheritance tax.

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 12:04 pm

AMEN!

Gleem McShineys October 8, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Why the fuck doesn't their argument about handouts work in reverse? You know, their meme that "paying poorz just makes them dependent."

Giving fucking rich people the ability to bequeath riches upon their spawn, tax free, that somehow doesn't make them shiftless dependent piles of Tyler?

Seems like if you gave these folks the incentive to have to go out into the world to forage for their own juiceboxes, they might actually become productive members of society.

Pffft, haha, sure, buddy, and logic just magically applies to similar situations, also!

SexySmurf October 8, 2012 at 11:39 am

I bet Tyler's room smells like stale bong water and ass.

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 11:44 am

OK, ew…

Chet Kincaid_ October 8, 2012 at 12:12 pm

No, because Tyler's stupid mother has the maid clean it for him.

tessiee October 8, 2012 at 1:09 pm

You left out Axe Body Spray.

Come here a minute October 8, 2012 at 11:40 am

Why do blogs keep getting fooled into taking articles seriously when they're obviously from The Onion?

Mittaplasia October 8, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Every day, they get closer to one and the same.

Stevola October 8, 2012 at 1:26 pm

The Onion should run a real news story once in a while, just to see if anybody notices.

Goonemeritus October 8, 2012 at 11:40 am

Having too much time on your hands is the biggest barrier to making a decision. Average Americans aren’t undecided. Having spent the five minuets typically allotted to political decisions they base their choice on who they would least like to punch in crotch.

not that Dewey October 8, 2012 at 11:41 am

Endless testimonies . .. prove the mild and pacific temperament of the natives…. But our work was to exasperate, ravage, kill, mangle and destroy; small wonder, then, if they tried to kill one of us now and then….

-Fra Bartolome de las Casas, via Howard Zinn

Happy Columbus Day, everyone!

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 11:51 am

"I say again that I stood looking at it, and I thought that never on this earth would there be discovered other lands such as these. But of all these wonders that I then beheld, today all is overthrown and lost, and nothing is left standing."

~ Don Bernal Diaz del Castillo, reminiscing on his youth as a conquistador in the New World, quoted from his autobiographical "The Conquest of New Spain," published in 1565.

freakishlywrong October 8, 2012 at 11:42 am

Today, we are all juice boxes and frozen bagels.

SoBeach October 8, 2012 at 11:42 am

When is this dude going to man up and ask his parents for $20k to start a business? Because they'd totally give it to him.

bikerlaureate October 8, 2012 at 11:51 am

But would that make him "really happy"?

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 11:52 am

Sad to say…

pinkocommi October 8, 2012 at 11:42 am

Oooo, oooo, oooo! Tyler should borrow money from his parents to start a business! Because he sounds like one of the very, very few who actually can.

weejee October 8, 2012 at 11:43 am

Tecumseh's revenge. Is the economy a tippy canoe, Tyler?

Blueb4sinrise October 8, 2012 at 11:50 am

Also, too.

eggsacklywright October 8, 2012 at 11:53 am

And if I consume 54 40's I'll be too drunk to fight.

weejee October 8, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Have you read any of Sherman Alexie's work? 54 40's might just be the work-up before the Lone Ranger and Tonto have their heavenly fistfight.

freakishlywrong October 8, 2012 at 11:43 am

Tyler really needs to get schtupped. Preferably in butthole. It may wake him the fuck up, as it were.

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 12:07 pm

He certainly sounds like the type that'd only be "really happy" tied face-down on a mattress with a ball-gag in his mouth…

Dudleydidwrong October 8, 2012 at 11:43 am

Is Tyler the next "Joseph" in Kafka's new novel? It's about oppression from decisions such as having to decide which flavor pop tart to consume today.

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 11:58 am

He's certainly got the cockroach thing down – omnivorous parasite, etc.

sullivanst October 8, 2012 at 12:05 pm

No trial, just death raining from the sky.

Although, Tyler seems much further along the way to being Gregor Samsa than Josef K.

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Most def.

Blueb4sinrise October 8, 2012 at 11:43 am

Tyler haz health insurance?

Y__
N__

barto October 8, 2012 at 11:44 am

Isn't he kind of violating that 47% rule?

Steverino247 October 8, 2012 at 11:44 am

Let me get this straight. All the money I've sent to Obama is being spent to make a useless asshole like Tyler cast his ballot for the guy he thinks will make America like his Kindergarten class?

PhilippePetain October 8, 2012 at 11:45 am

Wow, what a contemptible prick!

snowpointsecret October 8, 2012 at 11:45 am

I'm not sure what's worse. The fact that Tyler is acting like this or the fact that CNN decided it was worth a long article.

I'm leaning toward CNN and I didn't think I would.

HogeyeGrex October 8, 2012 at 11:45 am

I call bullshit. This is just a figment of David Brooks' imagination.

Which makes it even more imperative to abort while face-punching.

freakishlywrong October 8, 2012 at 11:46 am

Tyler thinks all elected leaders — not just the president — should cooperate to help the country grow.
Tyler there has not been fully paying attention for the the last four years. Too much juice box by the pool, maybe.

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 11:59 am

Tyler has a remarkable grasp on the obvious…

sullivanst October 8, 2012 at 12:08 pm

If only the wifi reached, maybe he could have been learning from the Wonkets while lounging around leeching from his parents.

OkieDokieDog October 8, 2012 at 11:46 am

Oh poor Tyler York, he haz a confoozed.

Grow the fuck up ya little prick. You live in a freaking fantasy world.
Get a job and oh yeah, quit fucking with your nieces ya bully.

ChillBill October 8, 2012 at 11:47 am

Most punchable Tyler since Tyler Perry.

tessiee October 8, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Tyler Durden is still on the list, though, right?

Gleem McShineys October 8, 2012 at 3:06 pm

FIRST RULE, DAMMIT!

PubOption October 8, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Now I'm imagining Tyler York in drag, and it's not pretty.

orygoon October 8, 2012 at 11:47 am

Nice gig, Tyler, but you for sure ought to be helping Mom with the yardwork. Kids these days!

PubOption October 8, 2012 at 1:29 pm

From the article, it appears that his parents pay the former president of the garden club to do that.

GregComlish October 8, 2012 at 11:48 am

"The futility of my vapid life is unbearable. One of my coping mechanisms is posing as an undecided voter for our nation's credulous media so I can be, however briefly, showered with attention. My brief media exposure will help sustain the illusion that any of my consumer existence matters. My other coping mechanism is Capri Sun."

Gleem McShineys October 8, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Billy Madison: [shouting] Where's my snack pack?
Juanita: You got a banana, you don't need no snack pack.

The_Peckerwood October 8, 2012 at 11:49 am

In Europe everyone remembers Columbus by going to the clinic to checked for syphillis.

TootsStansbury October 8, 2012 at 11:50 am

I am reminded of the prince getting married in Monty Python's Holy Grail.

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 12:00 pm

BWAHAHAHAHHAHA…

tessiee October 8, 2012 at 1:15 pm

NO SINGING!!

rocktonsam October 8, 2012 at 11:51 am

wait, he has a girlfriend too?

guys, we're all working way to hard

Kid_Charlemagne October 8, 2012 at 12:05 pm

I'd really like to meet the lovely lady who is lucky enough to call this specimen of manhood her own.

GregComlish October 8, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Too bad my dick Dad cut-off my supply of Capri Sun. Fuck You Dad!

boobookitteh October 8, 2012 at 11:52 am

My brother doesn't believe in voting because he believes that jackasses like this having an equal vote to his is asinine. I'm starting to see his point.

HogeyeGrex October 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Sadly, when he doesn't vote, jackasses like this have infinitely more say than he in how our country is run.

At least if one votes it dilutes the jackassery.

But yeah, I can understand the general despair part of it.

boobookitteh October 8, 2012 at 12:06 pm

I am despairing this very moment for my country. Which seems right for Columbus Day.

kyeshinka October 8, 2012 at 11:52 am

Hey, we gave one of your people a starring role in "Northern Exposure," so shaddup already, damn!

chicken_thief October 8, 2012 at 11:53 am

A little OT, but if that is the snivelling Injun from the littering commercials, he isn't really of Indian heritage – he's a faker like Liz Warren!!!!

tessiee October 8, 2012 at 1:04 pm

He's Iron Eyes Cody, born Espera DeCorti, the offspring of two Sicilian immigrants, which is I'm guessing why they ran his pic, today being Columbus Day.

eggsacklywright October 8, 2012 at 11:56 am

Drinkin' juice box by the pool
I'm so glad I finished skul….

lloydstool October 8, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Just so! Tyler's Little Creatures on Display.

synykyl October 8, 2012 at 11:58 am

I wonder if Tyler is in favor of cutting social welfare programs to balance the budget.

Sharkey October 8, 2012 at 11:59 am

He should not be allowed to call himself "independent".

Baconzgood October 8, 2012 at 12:01 pm

THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS LOSE LEBOWSKI!!!! THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS LOSE!

Kid_Charlemagne October 8, 2012 at 12:06 pm

"My advice is to do what your parents did; get a job, sir."

belmontreport October 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm

I don't hate Tyler, I hate CNN for trying to pretend like Tyler is representative of Millenials. Really, he has no debt, lives rent free, and works from home? He is sooo representative of ME. That is why young people were occupying wallstreet, because they thought that they needed more debt and higher rents! And more part-time jobs that they can do from their couch in their posh apartment filled with juice boxes and frozen bagels.

But I guess he might be representative of the idiots that are "undecided".

Chet Kincaid_ October 8, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Haven't you figured out by now that CNN is even stupider than Tyler? Unless this is somebody's idea of punking the idiot into national derision.

bibliotequetress October 8, 2012 at 2:16 pm

I really thought that he had to be pulling the CNN editorial staff's leg. Still not totally convinced otherwise.

BartStarrland October 8, 2012 at 12:28 pm

(Regrettably) I read the whole piece. At times it felt like a bad school essay by Tyler himself, where he just referred to himself in the third person.

tessiee October 8, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Maybe it is.
Maybe that's something he does.
"Tyler's a little chilly. Tyler would like you to turn down the air conditioning, because Tyler doesn't like sweaters."
Wow, I just made him *more* punchable!

fawkedifiknow October 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Don't begrudge this young man his slacker life style. It's the same as George W. Bush's at the same age, and look how wonderful it turned out for everyone.

Er, wait…… Never mind.

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 12:03 pm

I'd be curious to get a look at the parents that produced (and support) this freeloading hellspawn…

WhatTheHeck October 8, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I blame the Niña, Pinta and the Santa Maria for the mistake of going west instead of east. Same for Tyler. He can’t tell his right from his right.

belmontreport October 8, 2012 at 12:04 pm

"She's seen how tapping into the subconscious mind, listening to one's intuition and nurturing creative, optimistic thinking can change lives and organizations. It's worked for her, for people she's helped and, she believes, it can do the same for the country."

Now this lady, fuck this lady.

realmurkin October 8, 2012 at 1:03 pm

She is the absolute fucking worst. I hate her far more than Tyler, who at least has the excuse of being an idiot babychild.

SpeedoFart October 8, 2012 at 12:05 pm

"Please remove all children and pregnant ladies from the room…"

God damn it! Now I will never know of the terrible hardships faced by entitled jackasses. I feel like I've beeen cheated out of… something.

*waddles off in search of lunch*

Chet Kincaid_ October 8, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Infuriatingly insipid.

calliecallie October 8, 2012 at 12:07 pm

This kid makes me think maybe the Republicans are on to something, turning us all into corporate serfs because clearly this kid needs a corporate overlord to tell him what to do with his life.

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 12:14 pm

A good smack upside the head, also.

MistaEko October 8, 2012 at 12:09 pm

"but lately he thinks he gets a lot done when he lets his mind drift."

PROTIP: You have 2 months, Tyler. Maybe a bit more depending on when performance reviews are.

Chet Kincaid_ October 8, 2012 at 12:14 pm

IM N YR COACH-HOWSE
DRINKN YR JUICE-BOX

– LOLMillenials.com

emmelemm October 8, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Ugh. Just ugh.

Nail, meet head.

bibliotequetress October 8, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Thank you, Chet. I think I'll go bask in my childlessness for the ten thousandth time now.

Joey_Blau October 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm

lolling by the pool house
smaking up the dead mouse.

Guppy October 8, 2012 at 12:17 pm

In his position, I would be too mortified to date, let alone have my lifestyle plastered all over cable news.

MinAgain October 8, 2012 at 12:18 pm

I went to high school with boys like this. But they could blame it all on the pot they were smoking.

tessiee October 8, 2012 at 1:20 pm

We *all* went to high school with boys like this.
Some of them were *still* like this at 26.
A few of them are still like this at 46.

sullivanst October 8, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Oo, just spotted the Kundera reference in the surtitle. Nice!

poorgradstudent October 8, 2012 at 12:29 pm

why he sits in traffic for hours to visit his girlfriend at her apartment near Fenway Park.

It was the fact that he has all…that and is still getting laid that really makes me hate him.

EDIT: Well now that I've seen the picture of him via the link…I have to say, I wouldn't kick him out of bed myself.

tessiee October 8, 2012 at 1:22 pm

So of course, I had to click the link…
Wow, he really IS cute!
Now if only he could be trained to keep his mouth shut.

poorgradstudent October 8, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Or you could just keep his mouth occupied until you're done with him.

ednamillion22 October 8, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Did you catch the contemptible "see his stuff" section?

On 'his' TV, which is (natch) owned by his parents, he watches 'Breaking Bad'. And it made me think that I'd pay a decent chuck of money to let Walter White have at him. Or, even better, Mike.

Steverino247 October 8, 2012 at 12:39 pm

I'm surprised he even drives to see his girlfriend. She must have figured out how to train him to do something because nobody else appears to be able to do that.

Beowoof October 8, 2012 at 12:49 pm

One of the hardest things I did as a parent was to teach my kids to work. At the time they hated me, which was okay, I was just doing my job. Now they are both trying to teach their kids the same things and appreciate me a whole lot more. And I would like to hit this guy in the head with a bag votes, okay I would also like a couple of bricks in the bag.

DahBoner October 8, 2012 at 12:49 pm

"What's going on?"

Besides avoiding the hassle of Sheet labels? Not much…

johnnyzhivago October 8, 2012 at 12:55 pm

I could see my kids doing this….

tessiee October 8, 2012 at 1:00 pm

"give women complete, unbiased medical information if they have an unexpected pregnancy"

Which at least puts him one up on Todd Akin.

tessiee October 8, 2012 at 1:08 pm

"Abortion should be legal through age 26."

"The fetus becomes a person when it is admitted to Med School." — my friend Debbie

tessiee October 8, 2012 at 1:13 pm

"Tyler thinks all elected leaders — not just the president — should cooperate to help the country grow."

"Why are you filibustering yourself? Why are you filibustering yourself? Why are you…"

anniegetyerfun October 8, 2012 at 1:25 pm

No, my ex is still the most punchable man in the entire universe.

tessiee October 8, 2012 at 1:38 pm

After so much Loathesome over the past few days and weeks, all this Vapid is like a nice, refreshing palate cleanser.

emmelemm October 8, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Terrible man-children, indeed.

bibliotequetress October 8, 2012 at 2:13 pm

This is not satire?

deliman4 October 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm

And he grew up to become a U.S senator

littlebigdaddy October 8, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Who, over the age of 12, drinks juicebox? Unless, I mean, he's putting gin in there.

decentcitizen October 8, 2012 at 3:01 pm

I call bullshit. How hard did the media have to look before they found this useless turd to showcase?

Gleem McShineys October 8, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Wow, an entitled carefree dickbucket! I am not jealous, however, because this fuckstick actually can sit by a pool, dribbling ironic juicebox juice into his ironic beard and actually think with his brain-area "Am I happy?"

Tyler York / Billy Madison 2012

chascates October 8, 2012 at 3:20 pm

No angst about school loans or having to pay any rent? Sounds like Tyler hit the parent lottery.

Chet Kincaid_ October 8, 2012 at 4:00 pm

What about Lunchables? Doesn't Mommy buy him any Lunchables?

HistoriCat October 8, 2012 at 4:20 pm

CNN has discovered the Washington Post's next columnist.

RufusTFirefly October 8, 2012 at 5:57 pm

I blame Death Cab For Cutie.

Negropolis October 9, 2012 at 2:19 am

The undecided voter is the scourge of the electorate. They are more shallow than the uneducated voter, if you ask me, but the worst thing about them is their self-righteousness.

Heneage October 9, 2012 at 7:18 am

Well, at least he doesn't shave his chest?

ttommyunger October 9, 2012 at 8:29 am

I'm guessing if I handed Tyler a baseball cap he would put it on backwards, after which he would prolly fall backwards, after being punched-with votes.

Joey_Blau October 9, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Capri Sun = horrible High Fructose Corn Syrup and water drink..

I never let my kid drink that swill. might as well drink apple juice!

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