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Completely Heterosexual Alleged Sex Offender Is A Good Scouting Role Model

not at all a representation of the man in this storyIt is an intractable and inviolable part of the Boy Scouting Code (which is in Comic Sans on someone’s old Compaq) that gays and lesbians cannot serve in any Scouting capacity, because they will convince small children that it’s okay to watch Bravo more than they already do.

However, Robert White of Milford, Connecticut, was a part of the Girl Scouts, and he’s heterosexually harassing women, so he’s got a future career ahead of him once he’s finished his sex offender registry.

Robert White, a former member of the board of directors for Girl Scouts of Connecticut, was arrested this week amidst allegations he exposed himself to two female employees while at work, according to an arrest warrant affidavit.

White is also a former Republican Board of Education majority leader and former PTA Council president.

Thankfully, though, he did not expose himself to male co-workers. That’s basically pedophilia, except for the part where everyone involved in an adult.

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What perfidious scheme would White use to lure in unsuspecting adult heterosexual women to his completely penis-in-vagina trap?

According to an arrest warrant affidavit White would allegedly have employees come to empty rooms to pick up Avon products he sold them. He would then allegedly pull down his pants and expose himself, the arrest warrant states.

[...]

In the affidavit one worker said she bought Avon products from White and he allegedly pulled his pants down exposing himself while wearing pink see-through underwear while she was looking through the bag of products in a conference room, according to the affidavit.

What role model hasn’t gotten so excited by the great value and great quality of Avon products that he puts on his favorite pair of transparent drawers and displays them to his customers? It’s the Avon way, ladies.

Thank God for normal people doing normal things, unlike those remorseless homosexuals who want to teach boys things like “dignity” and “tolerance.” The pure and valorous heart is masked only by its transparent panties, shown only in the supply room of the soul.

[Middletown Press]

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112 comments

  1. Barbara_

    Meh, no one will get this but a few women and maybe not even them.

    Maybe he purchased and was applying some Foreskin So Soft.
    By a show of hands, did anyone get it?

      1. Pragmatist2

        True story – I was on the Isle of Skye off the coast of Scotland, and visited Lord McDonald's hunting lodge which had a gift shop. The gift shop had a display of Skin So Soft with a sign that said "Best Thing for Midges."

  2. PsycWench

    I was surprised to read that aRepublican was sexually harassing women, until I got to the pink see-through underwear.

    1. LibertyLover

      I can believe the pink see-though underwear part, after all, he is a Republican. I can't get over the selling Avon products part.

      1. miss_grundy

        Cause Repubs believe that the womenz will only buy Avon products cause it's an Amurrican company????

  3. freakishlywrong

    because they will convince small children that it’s okay to watch Bravo more than they already do.
    Oh. And this.

  4. SavageDrummer

    Up here in Canada, teh gayz can be involved in scouting at every level, and in case you're not paying attention, it's pretty much become a socialist hell-hole up here since they let that happen…

  5. PugglesRule

    A straight male selling Avon products, while also harassing his female co-workers and wearing pink underwear. Which of these things is not like the others, which of these things is not the same?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Just make it "A Republican male selling Avon products, while also harassing his female co-workers and wearing pink underwear," and the whole thing sounds much less unusual.

      1. PugglesRule

        Exactly the clarification I needed. Except for the pink underwear, which apparently is "not representational".

  6. Chet Kincaid_

    The story you've linked to seems to have been hacked up somehow. There appears to be at least one paragraph missing at the beginning, and the paragraphs you quote about the Girl Scouts and Republican School Board aren't in there.

    1. SavageDrummer

      Click "Full Story" at the bottom, or possibly the "1" next to the "2" that refers to the page number ;)

  7. BadKitty904

    As long as no assfuckery was involved, Justice Scalia (pardon the oxymoron) will be OK with it…

  8. DaSandman

    I never believe these sex stories about Republicans until I read the ingredient list. Never saw "adult woman" on that list. Usually it's stuff like 1) gallon industrial strength lube, a pair of co joined albino 12 year old twins and a Shetland pony.

  9. BarackMyWorld

    "That’s basically pedophilia, except for the part where everyone involved in an adult."

    Freudian Slip much?

  10. GregComlish

    Men wearing sheer pink panties doesn't mean that they are gay; It means that they are queeny heterosexual transvestitites.

  11. Beowoof

    He was in training for Congress trying to act straight, and like a manly man. That way he could run for Congress, be elected and then get his badly needed gay sex in the Union Station Men's room.

    1. Maman

      That was not my daughter's understanding of the guy in Millenium Park who exposed himself and started "going at it" (I despair at her vocab choices).

  12. UnholyMoses

    On the bright side, he earned his Cross Dressing, Flasher, and Business merit badges. And, soon, he might also earn the one for Prison Sex.

    Two more, and he moves up a level!

  13. calliecallie

    "White is also a former Republican Board of Education majority leader and former PTA Council president."

    Wonder if he was selling Avon products to the soccer moms as well?

    1. viennawoods13

      I knew that I should scroll down before I posted my own! I could hardly be the first to think of that.

    1. UnholyMoses

      Two fucking second too late on my part …

      **deletes comment that was below this one, hangs head in shame**

  14. ibwilliamsi

    The Boy Scouts and The Girl Scouts are two completely separate and differing organizations. The Girl Scouts don't have an "anti-gay" policy.

    1. widestanceromance

      Well, yeah, but they're just girls, so who cares? Molestation will damage a boy forever, but for girls, it's just training for adulthood.

  15. sullivanst

    Bill Donohue confirms, the sexual revolution made made the nice man expose himself to wimminz who DO NOT WANT.

  16. SorosBot

    "White would allegedly have employees come to empty rooms to pick up Avon products he sold them. "

    Wait, so besides sexually harassing women he was also trying to rope them into a pyramid scheme / cult?

  17. widestanceromance

    Unless one of these women was carrying a male fetus at the time, his was not a legitimate indecent exposure. Obviously, these women are lesbians to complain.

  18. Biel_ze_Bubba

    "White was wearing female clothing, the employee claimed in the affidavit, and she noticed he wasn’t wearing underwear after he turned his chair around, allegedly exposing himself, according to her account given in the affidavit."

    Given this tidbit about the second incident, focusing on the pink underwear seems a bit beside the point.

  19. prommie

    Well, the day started with a Grand Old Assfucking post in the finest Wonkette tradition. I understand, you can't maintain things at that kind of fever pitch all the time, its just impossible.

    This feller is no mere harrasser now, come on now all you liberals, its half the reason we are all pussies that we believe in the illness or dysfunction model of criminal behavior and want to "treat" the condition, rather than punishing the offender. As the Jets sang to Officer Krupke. This guy has one of those kinks that went totally haywire, like Dick Morris and the toe-sucking. The good old fashioned flasher is one kind of pervert, but this, doing it while delivering Avon products in see-through pink undies, IN THE FUCKING OFFICE? Thats not a bad man, thats a sick man and you all know it.
    This is what comes of the shame and guilt created by victorian christian prudish sex-shame shit. Drives some people straight outta their minds.

    1. GregComlish

      Prommie, I'm having a hard time following your incisive legal mind. Let's say we have another individual who does almost the same act. The only difference is that instead of wearing sheer pink panties he's going commando. Do you believe that the pink panty flasher has committed a worse crime than the traditional American flasher? Would you call me a "liberal pussy" if I believed the crimes were comparable?

      1. prommie

        I think this kinda thing is looking more like a mental illness actually and it should be treated as such. You know who else criminalized mental illness?

    2. shelwood46

      So the women should have put up with his harassment and not told anyone, just be tolerant of his illness? Bullshit. It doesn't matter what motivated his actions when it involved people being forced to participate against their will to fulfill his desire.

    3. SpeedoFart

      Please. He did it because he could get away with it (for a time, at least), not because of any mental illness. It's just an escalation of the sexual harassment that women face every damned day– dollars to donuts says he started out with more "common" forms of harassment.

      To try to find an excuse for his behavior is frankly disgusting.

  20. Chow Yun Flat

    White was wearing female clothing, the employee claimed in the affidavit, and she noticed he wasn’t wearing underwear after he turned his chair around

    It's OK to cross dress as long as you keep your dick properly tucked. Sounds like a pretty good place to work–I wonder if they are hiring?

    1. BoatOfVelociraptors

      I believe that the "Click to enlarge" button was completely redundant for that picture.

  21. ThundercatHo

    If I saw something that scary crawling around the pool I'd probably panic and beat it with a shovel.

  22. MrsConclusion

    "Thank God for normal people doing normal things"

    Put it in Latin and it's Wonkette's motto. Hear hear!

  23. vodkamuppet

    …one worker said she bought Avon products from White and he allegedly pulled his pants down exposing himself while wearing pink see-through underwear while she was looking through the bag of products in a conference room…

    You telling me you've never tried doing this, wonkers?

  24. Negropolis

    White is also a former Republican Board of Education majority leader and former PTA Council president.

    Of course he is. **sigh**

    And, the picture of the guy, oh god, the picture. It haunts me.

  25. Panty_Buns

    AVON CALLING!. Oh, no! it's a MAN WEARING LADIES PINK PANTIES! Quick, make up a lie about seeing his naked genitals because, as Lady Gaga and others have shown, wearing panties in public is perfectly okay. We wouldn't want all the sissies getting away with showing everyone, er, anyone their pretty pink panties. Did you notice the fabricated "Statements" used the exact same wording? Like two witnesses would just happen to use the identical phrase "while wearing pink see-through underwear". I smell a frame-up.

Comments are closed.