WOULD YOU LIKE A BADGE LITTLE ONE?  10:50 am October 8, 2012

Completely Heterosexual Alleged Sex Offender Is A Good Scouting Role Model

by Jesse Taylor

not at all a representation of the man in this storyIt is an intractable and inviolable part of the Boy Scouting Code (which is in Comic Sans on someone’s old Compaq) that gays and lesbians cannot serve in any Scouting capacity, because they will convince small children that it’s okay to watch Bravo more than they already do.

However, Robert White of Milford, Connecticut, was a part of the Girl Scouts, and he’s heterosexually harassing women, so he’s got a future career ahead of him once he’s finished his sex offender registry.

Robert White, a former member of the board of directors for Girl Scouts of Connecticut, was arrested this week amidst allegations he exposed himself to two female employees while at work, according to an arrest warrant affidavit.

White is also a former Republican Board of Education majority leader and former PTA Council president.

Thankfully, though, he did not expose himself to male co-workers. That’s basically pedophilia, except for the part where everyone involved in an adult.

What perfidious scheme would White use to lure in unsuspecting adult heterosexual women to his completely penis-in-vagina trap?

According to an arrest warrant affidavit White would allegedly have employees come to empty rooms to pick up Avon products he sold them. He would then allegedly pull down his pants and expose himself, the arrest warrant states.

[...]

In the affidavit one worker said she bought Avon products from White and he allegedly pulled his pants down exposing himself while wearing pink see-through underwear while she was looking through the bag of products in a conference room, according to the affidavit.

What role model hasn’t gotten so excited by the great value and great quality of Avon products that he puts on his favorite pair of transparent drawers and displays them to his customers? It’s the Avon way, ladies.

Thank God for normal people doing normal things, unlike those remorseless homosexuals who want to teach boys things like “dignity” and “tolerance.” The pure and valorous heart is masked only by its transparent panties, shown only in the supply room of the soul.

[Middletown Press]

 
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{ 112 comments }

WordSaladNation October 8, 2012 at 10:53 am

The "pray the gay away" people would count this as a win.

Baconzgood October 8, 2012 at 10:56 am

Yes, but what's his season?

bobbert October 8, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Witch?

Barbara_ October 8, 2012 at 10:56 am

Meh, no one will get this but a few women and maybe not even them.

Maybe he purchased and was applying some Foreskin So Soft.
By a show of hands, did anyone get it?

ThundercatHo October 8, 2012 at 11:00 am

Yes, added bonus of keeping mosquitos away.

Barbara_ October 8, 2012 at 11:04 am

Thunder, that is hilarious! Thanks. That was the only reason I ever got the stuff.

Chet Kincaid_ October 8, 2012 at 11:09 am

The Wonkette Tupperware/Sex Toy Virtual Party Liveblog is at 8 pm Eastern tonight!

Barbara_ October 8, 2012 at 11:24 am

Chet, I got some Amway you might be interested in.

kittensdontlie October 8, 2012 at 11:18 am

And everyone else. That stuff is foul.

Pragmatist2 October 8, 2012 at 12:45 pm

True story – I was on the Isle of Skye off the coast of Scotland, and visited Lord McDonald's hunting lodge which had a gift shop. The gift shop had a display of Skin So Soft with a sign that said "Best Thing for Midges."

sullivanst October 8, 2012 at 11:03 am

My wife would have got it. But she's not a Wonker.

Barbara_ October 8, 2012 at 11:05 am

Bonus points for you, Sullivanst

succalina October 8, 2012 at 11:09 am

Ahh, skin so soft. The only use for that poison was keeping mosquitoes at bay.

DemmeFatale October 8, 2012 at 10:56 am

I'm going back to bed.
(Thanks, Wonkette.)

PsycWench October 8, 2012 at 10:57 am

I was surprised to read that aRepublican was sexually harassing women, until I got to the pink see-through underwear.

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 10:59 am

Maybe he's a closet Dem. Or something.

LibertyLover October 8, 2012 at 11:21 am

I can believe the pink see-though underwear part, after all, he is a Republican. I can't get over the selling Avon products part.

miss_grundy October 8, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Cause Repubs believe that the womenz will only buy Avon products cause it's an Amurrican company????

Jus_Wonderin October 8, 2012 at 10:57 am

Hetrophilia?

freakishlywrong October 8, 2012 at 10:57 am

Well shit, I'd love to see the badge for that!

Edit: Read the tags, stupid.

nounverb911 October 8, 2012 at 10:57 am

Does the BSA still give out Merit badges for harassment?

Tundra Grifter October 8, 2012 at 11:50 am

Or for watching gladiator movies?

PsycWench October 8, 2012 at 10:57 am

If the panties don't fit, you must acquit.

TootsStansbury October 8, 2012 at 10:58 am

Expose what? He appears to be without a peepee.

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 11:05 am

Obviously a Log Cabin Republican…

Tundra Grifter October 8, 2012 at 11:50 am

It's hard to rumble if you don't have a bundle.

Geminisunmars October 8, 2012 at 12:18 pm

One night in Bangcock makes a hard man humble.

emmelemm October 8, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Not much between despair and ecstasy.

freakishlywrong October 8, 2012 at 10:58 am

because they will convince small children that it’s okay to watch Bravo more than they already do.
Oh. And this.

SavageDrummer October 8, 2012 at 10:58 am

Up here in Canada, teh gayz can be involved in scouting at every level, and in case you're not paying attention, it's pretty much become a socialist hell-hole up here since they let that happen…

PugglesRule October 8, 2012 at 10:59 am

A straight male selling Avon products, while also harassing his female co-workers and wearing pink underwear. Which of these things is not like the others, which of these things is not the same?

Biel_ze_Bubba October 8, 2012 at 11:35 am

Just make it "A Republican male selling Avon products, while also harassing his female co-workers and wearing pink underwear," and the whole thing sounds much less unusual.

PugglesRule October 8, 2012 at 11:59 am

Exactly the clarification I needed. Except for the pink underwear, which apparently is "not representational".

Dumbedup October 8, 2012 at 10:59 am

" and there is a big difference between (being a creep and being gay)"

Chet Kincaid_ October 8, 2012 at 10:59 am

The story you've linked to seems to have been hacked up somehow. There appears to be at least one paragraph missing at the beginning, and the paragraphs you quote about the Girl Scouts and Republican School Board aren't in there.

SavageDrummer October 8, 2012 at 11:03 am

Click "Full Story" at the bottom, or possibly the "1" next to the "2" that refers to the page number ;)

Chet Kincaid_ October 8, 2012 at 11:14 am

Aha, it's Wonkette's fault! Sloppy linking is even worse than indecent exposure!

sullivanst October 8, 2012 at 11:19 am

You know what else it's worse than?

Chet Kincaid_ October 8, 2012 at 11:22 am

You got me. What?

Chet Kincaid_ October 8, 2012 at 11:17 am

Oh, and look at that photo of the guy on Page 1. He is a jolly, happy fellow, indeed!

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 11:01 am

As long as no assfuckery was involved, Justice Scalia (pardon the oxymoron) will be OK with it…

DaSandman October 8, 2012 at 11:01 am

I never believe these sex stories about Republicans until I read the ingredient list. Never saw "adult woman" on that list. Usually it's stuff like 1) gallon industrial strength lube, a pair of co joined albino 12 year old twins and a Shetland pony.

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 11:03 am

Don't forget the loaf of rye bread.

SavageDrummer October 8, 2012 at 11:04 am

Pink see-through panties seem pretty normal to me for a Republican…

sullivanst October 8, 2012 at 11:16 am

Oh come now, adult women sometimes get on the list. E.g. Vitter, David or Sanford, Mark.

weejee October 8, 2012 at 11:02 am

Just a flashdance to show he was in the pink?

Baconzgood October 8, 2012 at 11:03 am

Pink undies and Avon products? SOOOOOOOOOO GHEY!!!!!

starfanglednut October 8, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Srsly. Right?

BarackMyWorld October 8, 2012 at 11:04 am

"That’s basically pedophilia, except for the part where everyone involved in an adult."

Freudian Slip much?

GregComlish October 8, 2012 at 11:04 am

Men wearing sheer pink panties doesn't mean that they are gay; It means that they are queeny heterosexual transvestitites.

Beowoof October 8, 2012 at 11:05 am

He was in training for Congress trying to act straight, and like a manly man. That way he could run for Congress, be elected and then get his badly needed gay sex in the Union Station Men's room.

PugglesRule October 8, 2012 at 11:24 am

Or the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport men's room. Must keep up the tradition.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 8, 2012 at 11:05 am

Exposed hinself to girls? At least he's not a pervert.

Maman October 8, 2012 at 11:09 am

That was not my daughter's understanding of the guy in Millenium Park who exposed himself and started "going at it" (I despair at her vocab choices).

Lascauxcaveman October 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm

It would sound better if she said it in a British accent.

Geminisunmars October 8, 2012 at 12:24 pm

A nice "pleasuring himself" would be sweet, though.

viennawoods13 October 8, 2012 at 12:54 pm

"Self-massage" would also work.

Maman October 8, 2012 at 11:08 am

Avon, scouting and PTA? Does he sell Tupperware too?

ifthethunderdontgetya October 8, 2012 at 11:11 am

Shtupperware.
~

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 11:11 am

And, no doubt, owns an apricot teacup poodle…

eggsacklywright October 8, 2012 at 11:21 am

Amway. All the way.

UnholyMoses October 8, 2012 at 11:08 am

On the bright side, he earned his Cross Dressing, Flasher, and Business merit badges. And, soon, he might also earn the one for Prison Sex.

Two more, and he moves up a level!

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 11:13 am

The latter is guaranteed to broaden his horizons. Does Avon even sell lube?

freakishlywrong October 8, 2012 at 11:09 am

Fuck Miff's tax returns, I wanna see them magic panties.

calliecallie October 8, 2012 at 11:10 am

"White is also a former Republican Board of Education majority leader and former PTA Council president."

Wonder if he was selling Avon products to the soccer moms as well?

bibliotequetress October 8, 2012 at 11:10 am

Pink manpanties? Isn't that an award for selling Mary Kay?

viennawoods13 October 8, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I knew that I should scroll down before I posted my own! I could hardly be the first to think of that.

no_gravity October 8, 2012 at 11:10 am

Maybe the woman forgot there was a bonus gift involved with her order.

Jus_Wonderin October 8, 2012 at 11:12 am

"pink see-through underwear"

WTH? Mary Kay gives you a Pink Cadillac.

UnholyMoses October 8, 2012 at 11:14 am

Two fucking second too late on my part …

**deletes comment that was below this one, hangs head in shame**

Jus_Wonderin October 8, 2012 at 11:16 am

Well, I didn't take time to look ^up^ the posting, just PRAYING I got it on first. grin.

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 11:17 am

Great minds, dude… ;0)

ibwilliamsi October 8, 2012 at 11:15 am

The Boy Scouts and The Girl Scouts are two completely separate and differing organizations. The Girl Scouts don't have an "anti-gay" policy.

Chet Kincaid_ October 8, 2012 at 11:21 am

There's the rub!

BadKitty904 October 8, 2012 at 11:21 am

Plus cookies!

widestanceromance October 8, 2012 at 11:28 am

Well, yeah, but they're just girls, so who cares? Molestation will damage a boy forever, but for girls, it's just training for adulthood.

littlebigdaddy October 8, 2012 at 11:15 am

Next senator from Connecticut?

sullivanst October 8, 2012 at 11:15 am

Bill Donohue confirms, the sexual revolution made made the nice man expose himself to wimminz who DO NOT WANT.

Esteev October 8, 2012 at 1:41 pm

"Where did he get these panties?" Donohue continued.

SorosBot October 8, 2012 at 11:16 am

"White would allegedly have employees come to empty rooms to pick up Avon products he sold them. "

Wait, so besides sexually harassing women he was also trying to rope them into a pyramid scheme / cult?

DahBoner October 8, 2012 at 11:30 am

#WINNING

widestanceromance October 8, 2012 at 11:19 am

Unless one of these women was carrying a male fetus at the time, his was not a legitimate indecent exposure. Obviously, these women are lesbians to complain.

BaldarTFlagass October 8, 2012 at 11:22 am

Ding-dong, Avon calling!

Jus_Wonderin October 8, 2012 at 11:26 am

<on other side of door fearing he might want to leave "samples">

freakishlywrong October 8, 2012 at 11:26 am

"Dong-Dong" maybe?

Chet Kincaid_ October 8, 2012 at 11:45 am

Close the thread.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 8, 2012 at 11:23 am

"White was wearing female clothing, the employee claimed in the affidavit, and she noticed he wasn’t wearing underwear after he turned his chair around, allegedly exposing himself, according to her account given in the affidavit."

Given this tidbit about the second incident, focusing on the pink underwear seems a bit beside the point.

LibertyLover October 8, 2012 at 11:23 am

Isn't that how the free market works these days?

prommie October 8, 2012 at 11:26 am

Well, the day started with a Grand Old Assfucking post in the finest Wonkette tradition. I understand, you can't maintain things at that kind of fever pitch all the time, its just impossible.

This feller is no mere harrasser now, come on now all you liberals, its half the reason we are all pussies that we believe in the illness or dysfunction model of criminal behavior and want to "treat" the condition, rather than punishing the offender. As the Jets sang to Officer Krupke. This guy has one of those kinks that went totally haywire, like Dick Morris and the toe-sucking. The good old fashioned flasher is one kind of pervert, but this, doing it while delivering Avon products in see-through pink undies, IN THE FUCKING OFFICE? Thats not a bad man, thats a sick man and you all know it.
This is what comes of the shame and guilt created by victorian christian prudish sex-shame shit. Drives some people straight outta their minds.

Chet Kincaid_ October 8, 2012 at 11:53 am

No more butts?! Who's Miss Glamourpuss Gams up there?

prommie October 8, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Samantha herself!

Chet Kincaid_ October 8, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I thought so!

GregComlish October 8, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Prommie, I'm having a hard time following your incisive legal mind. Let's say we have another individual who does almost the same act. The only difference is that instead of wearing sheer pink panties he's going commando. Do you believe that the pink panty flasher has committed a worse crime than the traditional American flasher? Would you call me a "liberal pussy" if I believed the crimes were comparable?

prommie October 8, 2012 at 12:55 pm

I think this kinda thing is looking more like a mental illness actually and it should be treated as such. You know who else criminalized mental illness?

shelwood46 October 8, 2012 at 2:26 pm

So the women should have put up with his harassment and not told anyone, just be tolerant of his illness? Bullshit. It doesn't matter what motivated his actions when it involved people being forced to participate against their will to fulfill his desire.

SpeedoFart October 8, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Please. He did it because he could get away with it (for a time, at least), not because of any mental illness. It's just an escalation of the sexual harassment that women face every damned day– dollars to donuts says he started out with more "common" forms of harassment.

To try to find an excuse for his behavior is frankly disgusting.

Chow Yun Flat October 8, 2012 at 11:27 am

White was wearing female clothing, the employee claimed in the affidavit, and she noticed he wasn’t wearing underwear after he turned his chair around

It's OK to cross dress as long as you keep your dick properly tucked. Sounds like a pretty good place to work–I wonder if they are hiring?

PugglesRule October 8, 2012 at 11:27 am

Ohhhh now we find out that Mr. White is not actually the guy in the pink undies shown above. He's actually this guy in the white cowboy hat: http://bit.ly/SY6JE3

Sad Trombone.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 8, 2012 at 11:39 am

That guy, in pink undies? Priceless.

PugglesRule October 8, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Probably just who Mr. White wishes he was.

BoatOfVelociraptors October 8, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I believe that the "Click to enlarge" button was completely redundant for that picture.

ThundercatHo October 8, 2012 at 11:42 am

If I saw something that scary crawling around the pool I'd probably panic and beat it with a shovel.

Guppy October 8, 2012 at 11:49 am

You want the merchandise, don't you?

Chet Kincaid_ October 8, 2012 at 11:50 am

Prince songs are nice fantasies, but you shouldn't try to live by them.

Tundra Grifter October 8, 2012 at 11:52 am

"I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!"
~ Lt. Frank Drebin

MrsConclusion October 8, 2012 at 2:49 pm

"Thank God for normal people doing normal things"

Put it in Latin and it's Wonkette's motto. Hear hear!

vodkamuppet October 8, 2012 at 3:39 pm

…one worker said she bought Avon products from White and he allegedly pulled his pants down exposing himself while wearing pink see-through underwear while she was looking through the bag of products in a conference room…

You telling me you've never tried doing this, wonkers?

Negropolis October 9, 2012 at 2:43 am

White is also a former Republican Board of Education majority leader and former PTA Council president.

Of course he is. **sigh**

And, the picture of the guy, oh god, the picture. It haunts me.

ttommyunger October 9, 2012 at 8:31 am

GENIUS Come-On! Why haven't I thought of that?

Panty_Buns October 14, 2012 at 7:27 pm

AVON CALLING!. Oh, no! it's a MAN WEARING LADIES PINK PANTIES! Quick, make up a lie about seeing his naked genitals because, as Lady Gaga and others have shown, wearing panties in public is perfectly okay. We wouldn't want all the sissies getting away with showing everyone, er, anyone their pretty pink panties. Did you notice the fabricated "Statements" used the exact same wording? Like two witnesses would just happen to use the identical phrase "while wearing pink see-through underwear". I smell a frame-up.

Lascauxcaveman October 8, 2012 at 11:49 am

Slavery and/or holocaust. Duh.

starfanglednut October 8, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Ahem. Buttsecks.

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