Sundays With The Christianists: A ‘World History’ Textbook For Home-Schooled Child Laborers

by Doktor Zoom

A Trans-Atlantic Steampunk Jesus, Hurrah!Greetings, intrepid Temps-Voyageurs! Let us not tarry, for there is much to explore in this quaint and curious volume for Christianist 10th-graders, World History and Cultures In Christian Perspective. Last week, we finally reached the founding of the USA, that pivotal moment when the Founders decided which parts of the Bible to include in the Constitution. (To be fair, World History doesn’t actually say that, limiting itself to the far more cautious “the hand of God was clearly visible in the framing of the Constitution.”)

Today, we visit the exciting world of the Industrial Revolution, which you may remember was that time during the Olympics Opening Ceremonies when chimneys came out of the floor and Kenneth Branagh looked like Abe Lincoln but was actually the Great Industrialist Isambard Kingdom Brunel. Now, let’s be off, and mind you don’t tread on any butterflies. (Ha-ha, that is a joke — evolution is not real, so stomp as many as you wish!)

Now, if you learned about history in the Government Schools, you may have been indoctrinated in the Marxist belief that the Industrial Revolution resulted from some confluence of economic and technological developments. This just shows how badly you have been lied to! In reality, it was an “indirect but profound result of the spiritual revivals that swept Great Britain and America in the 18th century,” because, you see,

The rise of modern science had led to the discovery of many of the natural laws that God established to govern the universe, but it took a revival of Biblical Christianity to thoroughly dispel superstition and motivate men to seek ways of using these discoveries for the benefit of mankind. Driven by a renewed sense of responsibility and a desire to help others, men began to apply modern science to industry resulting in an explosion of new technology (p. 343).

Oddly enough, the holy profit motive is not mentioned! Similarly, spiritual progress was mostly what led to improvements in agriculture beyond the subsistence level:

During the first part of the l8th century, the masses of lower-class Englishmen both in towns and in the country were known for their crime, immorality, drunkenness, ignorance, and poverty. Many depended on “charms” and astrology for good crops. Such superstition always produces fear, and many people feared the forces of nature rather than following God’s command to harness nature for the good of man (Gen. 1:28).

This end of superstition brought about a new era of science-minded agriculture, and today, only simple, superstitious savages would think that supernatural intervention will help their crops or affect the forces of nature.

The Wesleyan revival of the 18th century changed the way people thought by changing their hearts. Englishmen began to depend less on charms and astrology, and more on principles (God’s laws) of agriculture, to make their crops grow. As farmers gained a greater sense of responsibility and as inventors gained a new desire to help others, the stage was set for greater productivity. Work was given a new sense of nobility. People began to take seriously the injunction of Colossians 3:23: “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily as to the Lord, and not unto men(p. 343).”

And what evidence do the editors give us that increased agricultural production was the result of a turn to the Bible? Well, for one thing, work was considered more noble, since it was in boldface and italics, indicating it will be on the test. For another thing, agriculture definitely became more advanced during this period, and not before, when people were spiritually deprived. We guess that’s pretty much settled beyond dispute, then.

The book then goes on to discuss the miraculous benefits wrought throughout England, America, and Western Europe by the Protestant work ethic, defined here as

the way of life based on the Biblical teaching that God expects all men to work and that all work is a noble duty to be performed toward God… lt brought the greatest good, physically and spiritually to those individuals who obeyed God’s command to use part of the profits of their industry to help others.

World History conveniently leaves aside the detail that the term was coined in 1904 by Max Weber, who was himself not exactly a born-again Christian. It’s also a gross oversimplification of Weber’s thinking (for one thing, Puritans did not use their wealth to “help others,” since that was thought to encourage sinful idleness among the 47 Percent). But it’s a much tidier story to say that it was all part of God’s plan to help more people live better lives.

So anyway, on to the Industrial part of the Revolution:

Much has been said about the evils of life in the industrial cities of the 18th and 19th centuries. Indeed there were difficult living conditions (low wages and poor housing) and bad working conditions (long hours, air and water pollution created by factory waste, dangerous working areas, and child labor). But many Europeans had suffered even worse conditions on the farms they left behind…These people found it more profitable to leave the farms and work in the cities, where they could improve their standard of living.

They were underprivileged anyway, so this, this was working very well for them. The text approvingly cites the 1843 visit of Mrs. Cooke Taylor to the factories of Lancashire. She had expected, based on “the statements put forward in the newspapers,” to see people suffering from “starvation, oppression, and over-work,” but after her visit, wrote

“Now that I have seen the factory people at their work, in their cottages and in their schools, I am totally at a loss to account for the outcry that has been made against them. They are better clothed, better fed, and better conducted than many other classes of working people” (p. 346).

This scrupulously detailed account, taken from F.A. Hayek’s Capitalism and the Historians, gives the lie to all that nonsense by Dickens, Blake, Frances Trollope, and others about the travails of the urban poor. We would not be surprised to find out that many of them had color televisions, too.

For the most part, the Industrial Revolution is depicted as a wonderland of improved living conditions and thrilling inventions, summed up by another italicized proclamation that will, of course, be on the test:

Improvements in technology always improve upon or add to our natural resources to make life better for all (p. 347).

Anyone who says otherwise is a malcontent, a socialist, and probably a dirty Papist. Capitalism, we are told,

is the only economic system consistent with personal liberty and responsibility. It is also called free enterprise because it leaves the individual free to make something of himself if he has the enterprise (energy and initiative) to do it. A nation is free when its people accept the responsibility for their own welfare. When the people turn that responsibility over to the government by demanding more services and regulations, the nation loses its freedom (p. 354).

The enslaved masses of Norway, Sweden, and the Netherlands really have no idea how they suffer, we suppose. And where the secular student might read about the “Gilded Age” as a time of great wealth and privilege for some, and exploitation and tainted meat* for most, the reader of World History will not find that term at all. Instead, we learn this about John D. Rockefeller, Andrew Carnegie, and J.P. Morgan:

Such successful entrepreneurs have been called “robber barons” and have been criticized for their relentless” drive to eliminate competition, expand their businesses, and increase their profits. But their critics often forget the manifold benefits these “captains of industry” brought to mankind. In their drive to increase their own wealth, they brought manifold benefits to others; through their businesses, they not only provided thousands of jobs but also stimulated other industries. Each also helped to provide the world with much-needed commodities to help create better, safer, and more enjoyable living conditions for mankind (p. 355).

Or at least, those members of mankind who didn’t develop black lung disease or get their arms ripped off by machinery, and not everyone did! Of course, the text does warn us that greed for its own sake is bad and sinful, while

Riches yielded to God bring great blessings; the person under God’s control will see every possession as a gift of God and will obey God by giving part of his wealth back to Him in tithes, offerings, and charity (p. 356).

Oh, and those child laborers that we mentioned a few paragraphs back? They were just fine, really, which is why the authors quite literally never mention them again. “Child labor” isn’t even in the Index. Maybe a charity gave them a Bible.

* Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle, a staple of most histories of the era, is nowhere to be found. Sinclair himself gets a brief mention later on, as a “socialist writer” who “charged America’s industries with being ‘oppressors’ of common workers.” The big silly.

Next Week: The British Empire, and why Darwin ruined everything.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 246 comments }

deanbooth October 7, 2012 at 11:09 am

the hand of God was clearly visible in the framing of the Constitution

This is why, 6,000 years earlier, He created argon.

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 11:27 am

Catharine of Argon, feeling very old.

schvitzatura October 8, 2012 at 8:15 am

Noblesse-oblige gas, truly. Devonshirian Cavendish's problematic phlogiston residue.

Amercia's Constitution, protected by a gas discovered through divine providence by a proper, white, wealthy Englishman. How à propos by A Beka, indeed.

no_gravity October 7, 2012 at 11:10 am

Getting your arms ripped off by a machine – that's a good thing.

tessiee October 7, 2012 at 1:06 pm

The difference is that only in a capitalist system can you get our arms ripped off by a machine for personal liberty and responsibility — not like those OTHER systems, if you know who I mean.

Negropolis October 7, 2012 at 10:48 pm

I mean, giving your arm for your government is bad (just ask a soldier, right?), but giving your arm for a corporations? You should be happy to lose a limb for "free" enterprise.

HouseOfTheBlueLights October 7, 2012 at 5:07 pm

All part of God's plan

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 7, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Boosted the hook industry no end.

Jukesgrrl October 7, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Arkansas Representative Jon Hubbard doesn't recommend this for African-Americans, otherwise how would they pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

Schmegeg October 7, 2012 at 11:14 am

Next Up: The Privileges bestowed by Colonialism

memzilla October 7, 2012 at 11:16 am

Hello, Beka Press? The Mesopotamians called, something about 8000 years of unpaid royalties for inventing the plow?

AlterNewt October 7, 2012 at 11:18 am

" Capitalism, we are told, is the only economic system consistent with personal liberty and responsibility."

"ALL WORKERS MUST BE AT THEIR STATIONS WHEN THE WHISTLE BLOWS"

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 11:21 am

Hand jobs from God, eh? I cannot subscribe to this.

thatsitfortheother1 October 7, 2012 at 11:25 am

“The hand of God was clearly visible in the framing of the Constitution.”

But sister, that was the hand of God clearly visible in my pants…

Nah, the nuns wouldn't buy it either.

Negropolis October 7, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Show me on this Constitution where the good lord touched you…

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 11:23 am

"only simple, superstitious savages would think that supernatural intervention will help their crops or affect the forces of nature."

Like Rick Perry, such as?

thatsitfortheother1 October 7, 2012 at 11:31 am

Maybe someday, with her help and a little luck, all the people of South Africa, The Iraq, and Like Such As will get the maps they so desperately need.

PsycWench October 7, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Perhaps Perry prayed to Satan by mistake.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 7, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Why do you think it was a mistake?

BloviateMe October 7, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Crap I missed this before I posted. I'm clearly one of the lazies, and my poverty is well deserved.

HouseOfTheBlueLights October 7, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Like scientists

Stevola October 7, 2012 at 11:24 am

Crime, immorality, drunkenness, ignorance, and poverty.

Manifold benifits

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 11:40 am

Yeah, but all those bad things went away with the Wesleyan Revival, and then everyone's standard of living improved. It's right there in the book.

Stevola October 7, 2012 at 11:47 am

Oh, those were bad things? Oops.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 7, 2012 at 5:33 pm

I know. I thought they were making the Industrial Revolution sound like a frat party.

thatsitfortheother1 October 7, 2012 at 11:48 am

Speaking of manifolds, how's Vlad?

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 11:59 am

Vlad is a live and mostly well. I think the starter it conking out, though; first start of the day involves a lot of coaxing. I need to send some people some thank-you schwag, don't I?

Organizational skills of a fruit bat, I swear.

thatsitfortheother1 October 7, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Glad to hear the legend lives.

Negropolis October 7, 2012 at 10:51 pm

I want the writer to go to a Camden nightclub in the early morning, what with its knifecrimes and alcohol poisoning and whatnot and tell me that it's all gone away. lol

soeoho October 7, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Didn't you mean Manifold Destiny?

chascates October 7, 2012 at 11:25 am

Steampunk Jesus knows when you masturbate.

thatsitfortheother1 October 7, 2012 at 11:32 am

He's a lot like Santa in that regard.

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 11:59 am

Ah, Satan's anagram, the wily imp.

tessiee October 7, 2012 at 1:07 pm

You'll notice that both wear a red suit.

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 11:45 am

And then He kills a kitten.

(I dunno, is the link redundant? Everyone knows that meme, don't they? I think the link is probably redundant.)

(I may also over-think these things sometimes.)

weejee October 7, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Prommie has a twin? Who knew???

Negropolis October 7, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Steampunk Jesus died in an industrial-sized loom for your sins, you hear?

schvitzatura October 8, 2012 at 8:21 am

Arkwright Axminster LIBELS!!1!!

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 11:27 am

"When the people turn that responsibility over to the government by demanding more services and regulations, the nation loses its freedom (p. 354)."

Makes perfect sense, no? Oops, there goes some freedoms now.

thatsitfortheother1 October 7, 2012 at 11:34 am

I'm still waiting for one example of a modern, successful society that lacks any services and regulations but sports plenty of freedums.

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 11:46 am

US Amercia, in that Golden Time before the gummint regulated everything. Like, maybe, during the Industrial Revolution. Everyone had it so good then.

thatsitfortheother1 October 7, 2012 at 11:50 am

Like 150 years ago during the great land rush. Forty acres and a mule.

Except that the government gave them the land.

And the mule.

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 11:56 am

Except the Darks. No 40 acres, no mule. That's REAL freedom.

Beowoof October 7, 2012 at 12:14 pm

You really don't appreciate the wonder of Somalia.

thatsitfortheother1 October 7, 2012 at 12:32 pm

It must rank right up there on wingnut vacation spots.

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 1:27 pm

There's even a documentary about it: "When Vacations Attack!"

doloras October 7, 2012 at 7:18 pm

It would be, if most Somalians were CHRISTIANS. But you see they pray to Allah the Moon God so they can't be trusted with freedumz.

BZ1 October 7, 2012 at 11:28 am

manifold benefits, manifold benefits, manifold benefits, etc. See, repeating it makes it so …

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 11:38 am

Sure, my car benefits from having a manifold, so….see how it all ties together?

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 11:47 am

I'm glad you said that. I was exhausted trying to think of an example.

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 11:52 am

It requires a suspension of disbelief. I had one of those once.

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 11:56 am

Well, dash it all, I guess we're all in for a bumper crop of puns now. It's enough to drive a man to battery.

Stevola October 7, 2012 at 11:46 am

I was surprised they didn't use "manifold benefits" a third time

tessiee October 7, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Do you have to be wearing ruby slippers, or will it work anyway?

deanbooth October 7, 2012 at 11:31 am

will obey God by giving part of his wealth back to Him in tithes

I'm surprised this wasn't in bold italics. It may not be on the test, but it's the whole point of having a test to begin with.

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 11:44 am

Tithes or GTFO.

It's an oldie but goodie.

PsycWench October 7, 2012 at 12:55 pm

So taxes are bad unless you're paying a flat tax to God.

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 1:08 pm

And one can still hedge against the God-tax thing by moving monies to the Caymans, where God cannot see.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 7, 2012 at 10:09 pm

"Render unto Caesar the things that …." Oops. Never mind.

AlterNewt October 7, 2012 at 11:31 am

Is that Steampunk Jesus or a Dave Mason album cover?

thatsitfortheother1 October 7, 2012 at 11:39 am

Traffic libel!

tessiee October 7, 2012 at 12:27 pm

"Low Spark of High Heeled Boys" is one of the best album covers ever. The music ain't bad, either.

thatsitfortheother1 October 7, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Agreed. But I think Mason had moved on by then.

tessiee October 7, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Staring at empty pages would be an improvement over these books.

Jukesgrrl October 7, 2012 at 6:15 pm

"If you had just a minute to breathe
and they granted you one final wish,
would you ask for something
like another chance?"

Not of I was going to have my arms ripped off by a machine again.

Woodshedding October 7, 2012 at 11:32 am

Now I'm really confused. "Work was given a new sense of nobility." That means it's an entitlement, right? And should be done away with? But I thought I was supposed to rise up and demand my RIGHT to work (aka sacrifice my life so that shareholders, those with disposable income to begin with, can get more money they don't need). Excuse me for a moment, I need to go outside, breathe deeply, and clear my thoughts with some fresh smog.

Mittaplasia October 7, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I've lived in L. A. so long I don't trust air that I can't see.

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 11:32 am

"History is Bunk"
– Henry Ford, Captain of Industry, courtesy of The Unfettered Capitalism of the Industrial Revolution.

"Your Bunk is History"
- This year's latest 100-year storm,exacerbated by Anthropogenic Climate Change, courtesy of The Unfettered Capitalism of the Industrial Revolution.

AlterNewt October 7, 2012 at 6:28 pm
C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Awesome and Duly Saved!

weejee October 7, 2012 at 11:33 am

For a lovely Sunday hymn how's 'bout some of Upton's Jungle!!1!

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 11:42 am

"only simple, superstitious savages would think that supernatural intervention will help their crops or affect the forces of nature."

Pat Robertson will be disappointed. Pray for rain, pray away the ghey, works every time.

Schmannnity October 7, 2012 at 11:42 am

It's still OK to believe in Social Darwinism, right?

thatsitfortheother1 October 7, 2012 at 11:51 am

Now you are slagging off the other 47%.

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 12:17 pm

It's the Antisocial Darwinism you gotta keep your eyes peeled for.

vulpes82 October 7, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Of course. That's just sense: Darkies are inferior. Self-evident!

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 7, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Social Darwinism is evolution with God's blessing.

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 11:44 am

"The rise of modern science had led to the discovery of many of the natural laws that God established to govern the universe, but it took a revival of Biblical Christianity to thoroughly dispel superstition and motivate men to seek ways of using these discoveries for the benefit of mankind."

This has to rank right up there – with some of the pronouncements of George W. Bush – as one of the most inaccurate sentences ever constructed in the modern English language.

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 11:50 am

There's some colorless green ideas that want to talk to you. They were sleeping furiously, but you woke them up.

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 11:51 am

Let me at them.

PsycWench October 7, 2012 at 11:58 am

A revival of Biblical (is there another kind?) Christianity dispelled superstition. There's some serious irony right there.

weejee October 7, 2012 at 12:05 pm

You do have to toil with the concept a bit to fully get your arms around that dearest mantra of the protestant work ethicists "arbeit macht frei."

thatsitfortheother1 October 7, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Arbeit macht fritters.

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 12:13 pm

I'll have the NuremBurger with a side of Arbeit Macht Fries.

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 12:28 pm

You should have the "Ich bin ein Berliner" for dessert, too.

tessiee October 7, 2012 at 1:10 pm

MMMmmm… Nazi-licious.
$: – 9

Negropolis October 7, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Zing. This was brilliant.

trampndirtdown October 7, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Rep. Broun takes exception to this wibbly wobbly sciencey wiency stuff.

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 11:49 am

"Improvements in technology always improve upon or add to our natural resources to make life better for all "only simple, superstitious savages would think that supernatural intervention will help their crops or affect the forces of nature."

Look at LRADs and drones, huge benefits for all.

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Agent Orange and Napalm are an unalloyed good as well.

CindynEncinitas October 8, 2012 at 5:00 pm

And ask the beekeepers about advances in genetic engineering of corn!

PubOption October 7, 2012 at 11:53 am

What a difference a year makes. Mrs Cooke Taylor found better conditions in the factories than she expected, in 1844 a guy from Manchester, name of Engels, wrote 'The Condition of the Working Class in England', and claimed that their condition was terrible. I suspect that Beka's author(s) had to work a lot harder to find Mrs. Cooke Taylor's comments than they would to find Engels'

thatsitfortheother1 October 7, 2012 at 11:57 am

Commie.

PubOption October 7, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Who, me or Engels?

thatsitfortheother1 October 7, 2012 at 12:11 pm

You're not fooling anybody with that locution, mister.

tessiee October 7, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Yes, but Al Gore lives in a big house, and a character in one of Marilyn French's novels said that all men are rapists; so therefore, we don't have to pay any attention to anything that Engels has ever said, written, or empirically observed.

also, he was married to the Partridge Family's mom.

Blueb4sinrise October 7, 2012 at 11:54 am

"…the masses of upper-class Englishmen both in towns and in the country were known for their crime, immorality, drunkenness, ignorance, and moneez."

Fix-shopped for moar crime, immorality, drunkenness, and ignorance.

weejee October 7, 2012 at 11:58 am

To help thwart those who prey and pray, a lovely video on why we need Bamz now.

Jukesgrrl October 7, 2012 at 6:50 pm

So creative! Thanks for pointing it out.

PsycWench October 7, 2012 at 11:59 am

Do you think the people who write this crap really believe it? It seems inconsistent with enough logical ability and intelligence to craft a Word document.

thatsitfortheother1 October 7, 2012 at 12:12 pm

It seems inconsistent with enough logical ability and intelligence to feed and clothe one's self.

CrunchyKnee October 7, 2012 at 11:59 am

Their superstitions are clearly superior.

UW8316154 October 7, 2012 at 11:59 am

'Free' enterprise?? Sounds socialist to me.

mbobier October 7, 2012 at 12:01 pm

As a Christian, I am finding this series by the peerless Doktor Zoom fascinating, frightening, and depressing all at once, sort of like a gory car wreck. But then, my librul arts ejukashun allowed me to develop the ability to distinguish between education and indoctrination, so I'm probably a Socialist, anyway.

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Thanks! The really fun thing is that these guys would almost certainly say that since you've been tainted by empiricism, you now put human reason above God's Eternal Truth, and so they'd throw you out of their version of Christianity.

Mind you, that's a bit like Victoria Jackson saying that someone's just not funny.

Simple J Malarkey October 7, 2012 at 1:19 pm

"they'd throw you out of their version of Christianity"

A lot of us Christians have never been in their version of Christianity. If for no other reason, because of their War on Halloween!

The progressive evangelical Christian blogosphere (yes, there is such a thing!) often refers to "American christianist tribal identity." The markers of tribal membership are the specific rightwing political stances, willful ignorance of science, fear of outsiders, and hostility to reason, that are illustrated so vibrantly in this mess of a book. These markers are entirely independent of any religious — or moral or ethical — impulse or motivation. They are strictly political and economic expressions of primal terrors.

The American christianist tribe has succeeded in defining "Christian" on their terms in media and politics, because it is so useful to the PTB to coopt and undermine genuine Christian engagement in politics and society, and give the platform to the tribe.

The civil rights movement came directly out of evangelical protestant churches. Since then, the rich and powerful have all but drowned out Christian voices of prophetic judgment in the public sphere, and left us with the shouting of the christianist tribe that turns the message of true Christianity on its head, blessing the oppressors and cursing those who suffer.

What may be even worse, the christianists are waging War on Halloween. Instead of Halloween parties, their churches have "harvest festivals" for their kids. You know that ghosts and demons and vampires are make-believe, right? You know that an 8-year-old isn't going to lose his soul because he goes trick-or-treating wearing battery-operated plastic glasses with red light bulbs. Well, these tribalists believe in ghosts, and they really are scared of your tween dressing up like Edward Cullen. Their primal terrors are real.

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 1:36 pm

"American christianist tribal identity" is a search string that I expect to make much use of — thanks!

The War on Halloween has been bogged down since at least my childhood in the 60's, and probably longer of course; I remember that one house in the neighborhood that gave out anti-"occult" Chick Tracts instead of candy.

Simple J Malarkey October 7, 2012 at 1:51 pm

"I remember that one house in the neighborhood that gave out anti-"occult" Chick Tracts instead of candy. "

I should be more optimistic. They can't win the War on Halloween as long as we have the superior weapons: toilet paper and eggs.

Here's a recent blog post on the tribalists.

BloviateMe October 7, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Those fucking Chick Tracts, you pointed to that as being the propagandist nightmare of my youth in an earlier post.

My hostility towards those fucking things knows no bounds. To a young and undeveloped mind, they are akin to being mentally Sandusky'd.

I haven't egged a house in decades, but if my kids had ever come home with one of those from trick or treating, I'd be immediately warming up in the bullpen, and sending the misses to the egg store ASAP.

Fuckers.

mbobier October 7, 2012 at 3:19 pm

For SJ Malarkey — Hang in there, brother. Don't let the christianists get you down. And thank you for the tribal identity business; I look forward to a good search session or two with that.

mbobier October 7, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Mmmmmmmm….. Empiricism……

sbj1964 October 7, 2012 at 12:03 pm

The Christian faith caused the dark-ages 800 years of complete stupid.Is-lame has caused 1400 years of backward ignorance for Muslims,and counting.Think where we would be today without these brain drain faiths of the middle east sandbox.

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Naw, that was the Roman Church's fault. Once Bible-based Christianity came along, everything was fine. Go back and review.

schvitzatura October 8, 2012 at 8:45 am

How certain can we be that Mithraism, Zoroastrianism, or the fevered works of bloody Hindoos would allow for rational thought and a quality of calculus product out of proper Newtonian/Leibnizian theorems?

White Christian Calculus, FTW!

Pithaughn October 7, 2012 at 12:08 pm

This: big religion is allowed to spew this non sense because it teaches the masses to work harder than is really necessary so that the capitalists can exploit your surplus productivity. Personally, I like to work just enough to not get fired ( although I've been fired from almost all my jobs, so failure at that ) but not contribute to the "bottom line" . Luckily I can do magic with the ones and zeroes, so they keep me around.

Mittaplasia October 7, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Bill Gates didn't buy all the ones and zeroes?

CindynEncinitas October 8, 2012 at 5:04 pm

"I can do magic with the ones and zeroes…" Sold your soul to Microsoft, did you?

Beowoof October 7, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Well we do need to get back to the Gilded Age, where rich republicans can fuck people over at will with no consequences. After that is truly freedom, (for them, for you not so much).

trampndirtdown October 7, 2012 at 12:36 pm

"where rich republicans can fuck people over at will with no consequences."
Feels like we're already there.

Beowoof October 7, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Reading Dickens lets me know it can get much, much worse.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 8, 2012 at 12:38 am

Today's GOP regards Dickens as a how-to manual, so you're right to worry.

Blueb4sinrise October 7, 2012 at 12:20 pm

…and more on principles (God’s laws) of agriculture, to make their crops grow. As farmers gained a greater sense of responsibility….

….many Europeans had suffered even worse conditions on the farms they left behind…These people found it more profitable to leave the farms and work in the cities….

Not sure how close these two sections are in the book, but sure sounds like a problem for the narrative to me.

tessiee October 7, 2012 at 12:24 pm

"only simple, superstitious savages would think that supernatural intervention will help their crops or affect the forces of nature. [...] The Wesleyan revival of the 18th century changed the way people thought by changing their hearts. Englishmen began to depend less on charms and astrology, and more on principles (God’s laws) of agriculture, to make their crops grow"

OK, so what they mean is that only simple, superstitious savages would think that supernatural invention *that is not THEIR kind of supernatural intervention* would help their crops or affect the forces of nature.

Also, is a Wesleyan revival anything like a Lesbian revival? Because I can totally see how that could change the way people thought by changing their hearts.

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 12:37 pm

No, this revival is more along the lines of the Creedence Clearwater variety, and it is a well-known fack that Ms. Clearwater was of the thespian persuasion.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 7, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Let's put it this way, no one wants to see a bunch of Wesleyans showering together.

tessiee October 7, 2012 at 12:25 pm

This is like when Homer Simpson made Lionel Ritchie sing his hit song, only with every single word of the lyrics changed to "beer" — except it's less entertaining and makes even less sense.

SnarkOff October 7, 2012 at 12:28 pm

If the Hand of God is visible but the Hand of the Free Market is invisible, which one wins at thumb-wrestling?

Beowoof October 7, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I don't know but I wish the one that keeps slapping the shit out of me would stop.

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Oohh, that gives me a brain hurt.

tessiee October 7, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Well, my day is made for knowing that generations of my unnamed ancestors, who spent their lives walking behind a mule's ass plowing a field 14 hours a day, day in and day out, had a sense of nobility. Here I thought they just spent their lives working like dogs and had barely enough to live on. Silly me.

Mittaplasia October 7, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Manifold Destiny is a book with kill 'em & grill 'em roadkill recipes.

Negropolis October 7, 2012 at 11:06 pm

It's Guy Fieri-approved.

Mittaplasia October 8, 2012 at 10:25 am

His poodles 'n noodles recipe is the best!

tessiee October 7, 2012 at 12:40 pm

"Narcissistic Defenses

Distortion
Grossly reshaping external reality to suit inner needs (including unrealistic
megalomanic beliefs, hallucinations, wish-fulfilling delusions) and using
sustained feelings of delusional superiority or entitlement.

Immature Defenses

Blocking
Temporarily or transiently inhibiting thinking.

Controlling
Attempting to manage or regulate events or objects in the environment to
minimize anxiety and to resolve inner conflicts.

Rationalization
Offering rational explanations in an attempt to justify attitudes, beliefs, or
behavior that may otherwise be unacceptable."

From everybody's favorite pit of perdition, the DSM.

thebeatgoeson October 7, 2012 at 1:45 pm

So basically you are describing Mittens and the Budget Munster, right?!

BloviateMe October 7, 2012 at 12:41 pm

So, in my quest to become a card-carrying member of Real America, I have a followup question. It is stated: "This end of superstition brought about a new era of science-minded agriculture, and today, only simple, superstitious savages would think that supernatural intervention will help their crops or affect the forces of nature."

So, how does this play into it?: "Gov. Perry Issues Proclamation for Days of Prayer for Rain in Texas."

Is Perry a savage then? …or was it tongue in cheek, and his way of mocking ACTUAL savages?

I'm confused, and my indoctrination is stunted until someone can iron out this particular wrinkle for me.

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Well, at least you're aware that the opposite of irony is wrinkly, so that's a step in the right direction.

BloviateMe October 7, 2012 at 12:43 pm

By the way, it's a well known fact, that I just made up, that Upton is short for Uppity. So his exclusion is only natural.

tessiee October 7, 2012 at 12:44 pm

"These people found it more profitable to leave the farms and work in the cities, where they could improve their standard of living."

Ooh! Ooh!
*waves hand to be called on*
You know who ELSE thought work made you free?

BloviateMe October 7, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Not Harriet Tubman…the traitor.

Blueb4sinrise October 7, 2012 at 12:56 pm
tessiee October 7, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Meatloaf's girlfriend?
Wow, she's a dead ringer for every single one of my girl cousins.

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 1:12 pm
tessiee October 7, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Sting?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQ8jsqJHVLk

Wait, am I allowed to reply to my own comment?

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 1:20 pm

You can- but if you do it too much you'll go blind.

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 1:31 pm

And God kills a kitten.

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 1:19 pm
Lionel[redacted]Esq October 7, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Mitt Romney/Paul Ryan?

Negropolis October 7, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Newton Leroy McPhearson?

Guppy October 7, 2012 at 12:47 pm

the hand of God was clearly visible in the framing of the Constitution

One finger in particular.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 7, 2012 at 6:32 pm

They came upon a giant footprint in the ground, and cried out, for they knew this was the hand of God.

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 12:48 pm

This Blog Irks Fascists Christiansts

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Talk about a distinction without a difference…

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 1:21 pm

The Department of Redundancy Department.

tessiee October 7, 2012 at 12:54 pm

The one bright side of this otherwise genuinely scary and stabby-feeling-provoking group of people is that their beliefs engender a vicious cycle of NOT THINKING EVAR, which will keep them stupid and ignorant (two different things), and therefore, unable to craft the sort of argument that would persuade anyone with an IQ higher than Forrest Gump's.

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 1:00 pm

"Ignorance is Strength"
-Some Writer Somewhere, who was probably a Commie anyway.

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 1:01 pm

The downside is that they have a huge, receptive audience for that same reason. And they vote.

jesus_vs_gojira October 7, 2012 at 12:57 pm

When these kids retire at 70 from their minimum wage Wal-Mart jobs and realize that President Ryan got rid of Social Security and Medicare back in 2016, they can reflect on the immortal words of John Lydon: "Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?"

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 12:59 pm

You know Who Else used religiously based historical revisionism to justify an unfettered expansionist industrial policy and to promote cultural supremacy?

Blueb4sinrise October 7, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Philip III of Spain?

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 1:15 pm

All of them, Kaydolf?

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 1:17 pm

I'm stealing this.

trampndirtdown October 7, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Saruman?

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Elron Hubbard?

Esteev October 7, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Bill O'Reilly?

tessiee October 7, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Uncle Raygun?

Indiepalin October 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Captain Peter Peachfuzz?

Negropolis October 7, 2012 at 11:15 pm

The CSA?

DahBoner October 7, 2012 at 1:01 pm

"A nation is free when its people accept the responsibility for it's own welfare"

Somalia is a free nation? Because you're pretty much on your own there with no taxes & government…

Esteev October 7, 2012 at 2:26 pm

The Actual Hand on the Free Market

tessiee October 7, 2012 at 1:03 pm

"Capitalism, we are told, is the only economic system consistent with personal liberty and responsibility."

Now I'm thinking of that movie in grade school where Mom couldn't find the cake mix she liked because "Comrade Commissar" decided that it wasn't popular enough (like that's not *exactly* how *capitalism* works, but anyway).

Also, the National Lampoon "commie menace" article where the little boy comes in the house crying, "Mom! Dad! They shot Freckles!"

Mittaplasia October 7, 2012 at 1:06 pm

The people who fall below the Gumpline are already in Mitt's corner and they couldn't craft a paper plane.

Guppy October 7, 2012 at 1:10 pm

The rise of modern science had led to the discovery of many of the natural laws that God established to govern the universe

But not those laws. You know the ones.

Many depended on “charms” and astrology for good crops.

Worse yet, others relied on artifacts and relics from Romish "saints!" Cromwell helped that sort to see the light, though.

the way of life based on the Biblical teaching that… all work is a noble duty to be performed toward God…

Doesn't Genesis say, like, the exact opposite, that labor and toil are divine punishment for the Fall? Right on up there with the pains of childbirth?

Improvements in technology always improve upon or add to our natural resources to make life better for all

Improvements like breech-loaders and rifled artillery!

A nation is free when its people accept the responsibility for their own welfare.

I note that this is individual welfare they refer to. Anything that even mentions the idea of "general welfare" is the work of the Devil and should be immolated posthaste. Oh, wait…

But their critics often forget the manifold benefits these “captains of industry” brought to mankind.

Like that wonderful dam at Johnstown! There's your "trickle-down economics!"

schvitzatura October 8, 2012 at 8:41 pm

If you can cast a brass church bell you can make a cannon. Add a cuckoo clock and interchangeable parts and BAM! Minigun!

LibrarianX October 7, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Children's tiny fingers sew the finest shoes!

tessiee October 7, 2012 at 2:19 pm

They're like cheap, indestructible little elves.

LibrarianX October 7, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Good Christians have more children to fill the pews and the factories.

tessiee October 7, 2012 at 2:22 pm

And eventually, to be cannon fodder defend our freedom.

LibertyLover October 7, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Good Christians used to have more children to work the fields as free labor.

Hera Sent Me October 7, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I thought a person who piled bullshit that deep would be asphyxiated by the stench it gives off.

RufusTFirefly October 7, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Stupid libtards! Opposing 72 hour work weeks is un-American.
http://www.historyteacher.net/AHAP/Readings/Facto

ManchuCandidate October 7, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Better to be ignorant of facts than to be home skuled by Xtians trying to rewrite history.

Mittaplasia October 7, 2012 at 1:52 pm

…especially when mom didn't finish first grade.

skmind October 7, 2012 at 1:50 pm

</snark>

Doktor, this is a great series. Have you considered turning these into a set of videos like Thunderf00t's "Why do people laugh at creationists?"

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Thanks! Something to think about; I'm about as telegenic as an isopod.

fartknocker October 7, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Was it me or does this little textbook skip the French Revolution and the deployment of the guillotine onto the Royal class? Second, I can't wait for next week where I will learn how unions were created by Satan.

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 2:28 pm

You say you want a Revolution?

(spoiler: blame atheists, not zealous ideologues wedded to their self-righteous worldview)

weejee October 7, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Dok, is the subtitle for this text "A thousand points of lies"?

BlueStateLibel October 7, 2012 at 2:12 pm

I bet those fancy 18th century English working-class people also had cable television and microwave ovens. Also, I distinctly read this morning that Jesus said the way for the rich to enter heaven is to give up all their wealth, why no mention?

tessiee October 7, 2012 at 2:18 pm

"only simple, superstitious savages would think that supernatural intervention will help their crops or affect the forces of nature. [...] Englishmen began to depend less on charms and astrology, and more on principles (God’s laws) of agriculture, to make their crops grow. " — Revisionist History for Loony Christers book

"This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants, designed to take away the money of fools. Now let's say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first, let's pass the collection plate." — Reverend Lovejoy

LibertyLover October 7, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Driven by a renewed sense of responsibility and a desire to help others, men began to apply modern science to industry resulting in an explosion of new technology (p. 343).

I guess applying science now in order for us to combat climate change is out of the question.

You see, man's self-extinction by carbon heating is all part of God's plan.

LibertyLover October 7, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I have a question here:

For another thing, agriculture definitely became more advanced during this period, and not before, when people were spiritually deprived.

Since we have become more spiritually deprived — turning away from God and such— is that the reason why God is punishing man by using science to allow Monsanto and other companies to use science to tamper with our food and grains with GMOs?

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Hubris, you bet. Unless you're a Christian stockholder in Monsanto, in which case see "all technology makes life better."

Ayn Rand Paul Tard October 7, 2012 at 3:56 pm

All I can add is this quote from uncle Bill Burroughs “Never do business with a religious son-of-a-bitch. His word ain't worth a shit — not with the Good Lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal.”

MiniMencken October 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I can't wait for the chapter that tells us God wants us to "cross on green, not in between." Also, why God thinks we should eat the salad before the main course, not afterward.

vulpes82 October 7, 2012 at 5:30 pm

These are the kind of people who read Dickens and sympathize with the guy who goes "Mooooooooooooooooooore?!?"

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 7, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Dok,

Did they cover Cromwell and Parliment? Or was there enough room for the English gently throwing off the yoke of their Papust oppressors?

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Sadly, I didn't cover it in the main post, but in the comments back in Part 3. Cromwell was apparently just a little too zealous, but overall meant well:

Charles just pushed good Christians too far. After Charles "instigated a royalist rebellion and a war with Scotland" to regain his crown, Cromwell simply was "determined to be rid of him once and for all." The text simply notes that Cromwell threw the conservatives out of Parliament, deposed the king, and then the Rump Parliament convicted Charles of treason and had him beheaded. They're also not too worried about the Protectorate, noting that "many people viewed the new government as a military dictatorship rather than a republic." Also, too:

As "Lord Protector," [Cromwell] gained powers that not even James I or Charles I could have had. On the other hand, Cromwell rarely exercised these powers. Instead, he concentrated on maintaining peace and order in England, promoting religious toleration, and defending the country from foreign powers.

So, yeah, a little bit of dictatorship is OK as long as order is maintained. These fuckers don't mind tyrants who are also Bible-believing Christians.

Also, the Restoration worked because "the fear that Romanism might be reimposed was enough to bring Englishmen together."

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 8, 2012 at 4:44 am

Thanks Dok. I don't always get to dig into the comments. I was curious if they had covered the round heads raping and burning nuns to defeat the Papist. Seems like it would be a highlight.

Doktor Zoom October 8, 2012 at 7:45 am

No, nothing about that, unless they had a really sick intent when writing the final sentence in this passage:

"Cromwell imposed the strictest discipline on his troops, winning their loyalty by the example of his own courage in battle. His chaplains preached constantly tot he troops, inspiring them with sermons on the Providence of God. Hardened by military discipline and stiffened by religious zeal, Cromwell's army was nicknamed the 'Ironsides.'"

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 7, 2012 at 6:46 pm

A nation is free when its people accept the responsibility for their own welfare. When the people turn that responsibility over to the government by demanding more services and regulations, the nation loses its freedom (p. 354).

But I thought that "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.". So, isn't it only by giving the government all my freedoms that I am truly free? Or is Kris Kristopherson the spawn of Satan?

LibertyLover October 7, 2012 at 8:05 pm

OTOH, A necessitous man is not a free man. — FDR

VinnyThePooh October 7, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Jesus played Mr. Dark?

Still waiting for my manifold benefits.

decentcitizen October 7, 2012 at 9:06 pm

This is what happens when you confuse culture with history. You learn a lot about where you live and very little about what happened.

Negropolis October 7, 2012 at 10:35 pm

"Such superstition always produces fear, and many people feared the forces of nature rather than following God’s command to harness nature for the good of man replacing that supertition with that of fearing the Almighty God.

/fxed

BTW, Niall Ferguson went on about the "Protestant work ethic" without any irony in one of his more recent documentaries. It made me want to throw up. But, because he has a British accent and went to university and travels all around the world with his Muslin-hating partner I guess that makes him right-proper.

John D. Rockefeller, Andrew Carnegie, and J.P. Morgan

I damn-near expected to see them respun as "job creators" in text. I love how an unintended consequences becomes the central focus of how we're supposed to view them. Sure, they robbed the fuck out of society for their own gain…but they created jobs, y'all! And besides that, Mrs. Lincoln…?

ttommyunger October 8, 2012 at 7:36 am

Becuz up is down, black is white, in is out, cold is hot and right is wrong- for faith, also, too, as well as….

Flat_Earther October 8, 2012 at 10:35 am

We should not forget the Southern Baptist role in slavery. The interpreted the Bible as supporting the practice of slavery and encouraged good paternalistic practices by slaveholders. They also preached to slaves to accept their places and obey their masters. His ideas are really just an extension of religious freedom.

owhatever October 8, 2012 at 12:45 pm

"Beware borrowing money from Jews, for they will want it back, with a nice interest rate, or they sell your soul to the devil after sending some knee-breaker from Sicily around to collect." — Marvelcomicus 12:3

dennis1943 October 9, 2012 at 11:25 am

I am banging my head on the wall……..does this please God….?

weejee October 7, 2012 at 12:02 pm

It's enough for someone to get down their Klien bottle and start drinkin' early.

trampndirtdown October 7, 2012 at 12:19 pm

sometimes you hafta go with a pun in the clutch.

thatsitfortheother1 October 7, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Freedum's just another word for "You're fucked."

thatsitfortheother1 October 7, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Only for the truly shiftless.

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Speaking of Elvis C, "had to step on the brakes to get out of her clutches" is still one of my faves.

eggsacklywright October 7, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Field Marshy Loud Montgomery was hot for a Berliner in the desert, too.

trampndirtdown October 7, 2012 at 12:32 pm

No time now for the mini-skirt waddle is one of mine

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Worst WWII Fanfic Porn title ever.

Steverino247 October 7, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Actually, he was a Württemberger…

PsycWench October 7, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Perhaps Jesus should steer you away from puns.

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 1:12 pm

No, I believe that remains Ass Goblins of Auschwitz

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 1:13 pm

I'm not following that link on an empty stomach.

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 2:31 pm

That was Horrible, BTW. Where do you find these things?

No, don't tell me.

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Goebbles Bar & Grill: The Final Solution, to where to go for lunch!

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 1:17 pm

The Spanish Inquisition made frequent use of the Rack. And the pinion.

EDIT: In the New World, the Inquisition made torture devices out of the local pine trees of the Southwest. Thus, the invention of the Rack in Piñon.

thatsitfortheother1 October 9, 2012 at 3:28 am

Indeed. I'm tired of them already.

Mittaplasia October 7, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Put some money in the jukebox and goose-step to the oldies!

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Don't forget their breakfast menu. Have you tried the Luftwaffles?

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 1:47 pm

You'd prefer maybe Schindler's Lust?

(I thought I was just being silly when I thought of that, then googled. Of course there's a real version.)

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 2:00 pm
C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 2:27 pm

The Blintzkriegs are to die for.

Mittaplasia October 7, 2012 at 3:08 pm

They're so light and fluffy white, we'll sell a million by tonight. They're so light and fluffy brown; they're the finest in the town…

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Hey, the good guys have CANDY. These twits will never win the War on Halloween.

Of course, parents will then have to fight the battle of the bulge.

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Just google "Chick tract parody" to seek healing laughter.

As a comics nerd, I'm rather fond of this one.

There's also one for Cthulhu

Simple J Malarkey October 7, 2012 at 2:47 pm

trick or retreat

BloviateMe October 7, 2012 at 3:11 pm

That does help….but I can still egg houses if I see any Chick or Treat, right?

doloras October 7, 2012 at 7:24 pm

My fave is this: God Hates Gothic/Industrial.

Simple J Malarkey October 7, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Don't forget the toilet paper. Also be on the lookout for the houses with raisins and pretzels.

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 5:37 pm

I honestly don't remember. First ran across it as a "others also liked" item in Amazon, but I have no idea what would have brought it up.

Doktor Zoom October 7, 2012 at 5:41 pm

The Panzercakes are nothing to sneeze at. Each is a perfect 88mm round, and will take out your hunger with deadly accuracy.

"Rommel, you magnificent bastard, I read your cookbook!"

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 7, 2012 at 5:50 pm

The Führer never said this "baby"!

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Now I want to eat Breakfast and annex the Sudetenland.

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 5:53 pm

I'll bet it was Benincasa's book.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 7, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Nuts!

C_R_Eature October 7, 2012 at 7:26 pm

A Zappa reference. You'll fit right in here.

Mittaplasia October 8, 2012 at 12:01 am

I saw him at a small venue back in St. Louis, 1970's.There were clotheslines strung on the stage, Frank went into a long guitar jam and asked for panties; and, boy, did he get 'em!Good times!

thatsitfortheother1 October 9, 2012 at 3:39 am

But a Bad-en?

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