HEY KIDS HERE'S SOME LABOR FIGURES  3:50 pm October 5, 2012

Washington Free Beacon Exclusive: The BLS Is Full Of Pedophiles

by Jesse Taylor

pictured: your model BLS economistAfter this morning’s shocking revelation that Obama made persistently mediocre jobs numbers slightly less mediocre by faking the whole thing, it was time for conservative media to bring their awesome and terrible powers of destruction to bear on the nonpartisan civil servants at the Bureau of Labor Statistics who made bad numbers happen.

The Washington Free Beacon apparently won the shitty-ass human being roulette today, and set about their task with aplomb. Sadly, all they found was a really boring thing that two of the economists employed by the BLS donated to Obama.

Harley Frazis of Bethesda, MD, has contributed at least $2,000 to Obama and $9,000 to the Democratic National Convention over the last three election cycles.

[...]

Stephen Phillips of Washington, D.C., has contributed at least $270 to Obama during the 2012 cycle. According to his LinkedIn profile, Phillips has been an economist at BLS since June 2009. Phillips was responsible for examining the impact of Obamacare on Healthcare North American Industry Classification System indices. Phillips was also assistant coach for a girls’ high school tennis team in 2010.

So, yes, that’s a really stupid way of bringing an end to thWHAT THE FUCK IS THAT LAST LINE.

We’ve confirmed that BLS employs at least two people (out of hundreds of employees) who are Democrats. I’m sure in someone’s mind that’s more than enough to indict the entire enterprise in normal wingnut fashion.

But why toss in the “he coaches girls’ high school tennis” line? Is he busy driving down the unemployment rate to try and get teenage girls in his Camaro? Was he not paying attention to the household survey because he was shopping for wine coolers and One Direction albums?

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. Are all the 114,000 newly employed in September sex offenders? THIS is the Obamanation.

[Washington Free Beacon]

 
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{ 187 comments }

DrunkIrishman October 5, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I want free bacon. Oh wait…

weejee October 5, 2012 at 3:56 pm

That's how I read it too. And look, they were porking the BLS.

WhatTheHeck October 5, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Free bacon…

just oink while you boink

CommieDad October 5, 2012 at 3:57 pm

BLS or BLT?

jqheywood October 5, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Or maybe a nice MLT….mmmmm…with the mutton really lean….

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Even my dog wouldn't eat fried Beacon

Baconzgood October 5, 2012 at 4:06 pm

What's all this about free bacon?

starfanglednut October 5, 2012 at 5:43 pm

There he is!

IncenseDebate October 5, 2012 at 4:06 pm

It's a bacon of liberty.

DahBoner October 5, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Psst! Call me on your FREE OBAMA PHONE. Got a case of Jimmy Dean hidden in the walls…

CrankyLttlCamperette October 6, 2012 at 1:46 am
imissopus October 5, 2012 at 3:52 pm

If anything, it makes too much sense.

weejee October 5, 2012 at 3:58 pm

As much as Mittens' stiff hankie wasn't sitting on a stack of index cards.

Blueb4sinrise October 5, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Yes, it is all frighteningly clear to me now.

Dumbedup October 5, 2012 at 3:57 pm

yes, a conspiracy of actuaries and statisticians, sounds as exciting as the french revolution, doesn't it?

PsycWench October 5, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Next issue : Watching Paint Peel: Is It For You?

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Vive La "Statement Of Changes In Net Workforce"!

Designer_Rants October 5, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Off with their pencil erasers!

UW8316154 October 6, 2012 at 12:09 pm

As an actuary, I can tell you this for sure: we like to do it with models.

the_onceler October 5, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Great– someone trying to make a living and volunteering and they have to deal with asshole conservative "media". Lovely

(Not snark and downright pissed)

CommieDad October 5, 2012 at 3:57 pm

My brother teaches High School Girls Tennis (N.B. he is a high school chemistry teacher). He is employed. So, is he part of the conspiracy?

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 4:01 pm

YES! YES! YES!

Because icky girls shouldn't have edumacation, because freedum

IncenseDebate October 5, 2012 at 4:07 pm

All employed people are part of it.

The calls are coming from inside the economy!!!

CommieDad October 5, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Technically I'm part of it. I don't got no job and I don't want one.

CommieDad October 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I also gave money to Obama.

Fare la Volpe October 5, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Money you stole direct from Mitt Romney's deserving pockets.

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I can haz girls' tennis team first?

Chet Kincaid_ October 5, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I think we all know what high school chemistry teachers do in their spare time. LOOK OUT, IT'S THE CARTEL!!!!

Lascauxcaveman October 5, 2012 at 4:23 pm

I always thought the clandestine alliance of the Masons, The Bilderburger Group, the NSA and the National Association of Secondary School Coaches was a very, very open secret.

Yup, and all cooking the books for the re-election of a secret Muslim.

Mittaplasia October 5, 2012 at 4:39 pm

If he's making roofies in his lab, maybe, yes.

bloggingbalkanistan October 6, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Short answer: yes
Long Answer: yes, and he's on the vanguard to replace the constitution with sharia law, as are all tennis coaches ;)

Veritas78 October 6, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Dunno. Is he a lesbian?

fawkedifiknow October 5, 2012 at 3:57 pm

That one guy has been there since 2009 and he just now gets around to doing the job he was hired for – cooking the books for Obama?

Impeach!!!

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

That was my first reaction to this story: you mean to tell me Obama was so stupid that he'd wait until the September jobs report to suddenly appear 140,000 new jobs? Why not do it just after Romney clinched the nomination? Or just ahead of the convention? Or hell, back in 2010 just before the midterm elections, when it would have saved the House for the Dems?

starfanglednut October 5, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Cuz he's LAZY,duh.

grace_nearing October 5, 2012 at 4:35 pm

The Beacon updated its story: Phillips left the BLS in mid-summer 2012. Which of course does not mean he's innocent of sauteeing the stats for September.

coolhandnuke October 5, 2012 at 3:58 pm

…Phillips was also assistant coach for a girls’ high school tennis team in 2010…

There's the proof. Arrest him now and toss him in the Billie Jean King prison wing.

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Is Chrissie Evert the warden? Because then I'd…

I'll be in my bunk.

coolhandnuke October 5, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Chris Evert anecdote: Back in the late seventies my dad was the sports editor at a Tucson newspaper and he told me of this doozy. The World Team Tennis league was in town for a match. Bob Hillman–a schlub of a sports reporter for a local news channel opens up the Chris Evert press conference with this question–"Miss Evert do you believe that woman with large breasts are at a disadvantage when it comes to pro tennis?" She stared at Hillman for about 30 seconds then walked out of the interview.

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Did he go on to comment at the Golf Channel?

coolhandnuke October 5, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I didn't follow Hillman's career too closely. But if he did join the Golf Channel, I'm pretty sure he asked Lee Elder "is it true that black golfers have a more difficult time putting because of their large penises?"

AddHomonym October 5, 2012 at 4:22 pm

<3 FTW also too "This" also.

Lascauxcaveman October 5, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Well, the Williams sisters answered that one for him, much later.

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 4:34 pm
kingofmeh October 5, 2012 at 4:28 pm

"apparently no more than gross stupidity stops men from being sportswriters."

chicken_thief October 5, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Needz moar Mike McQueary eye witness testimony.

PsycWench October 5, 2012 at 4:24 pm

That's nothing. I hear Obama LIVES with a couple of young girls, one not even in her teens.

DCBloom October 5, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Yeah, and they PLAY TENNIS!

Negropolis October 6, 2012 at 1:01 am

Billie Jean, I can assure you, is not my lover.

Schmannnity October 5, 2012 at 3:58 pm

C'mon! The damn agency has got Labor in its name for crying out loud.

CommieDad October 5, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Yeah! Why don't we have a Bureau of Job Creator Statistics?

Schmannnity October 5, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Isn't that one of Rove's PACs?

Jukesgrrl October 5, 2012 at 4:54 pm

I thought the BLS changed its name to the Eugene V. Debs Society during the Kennedy Reign.

mrpuma2u October 5, 2012 at 3:58 pm

He was helping kids participate in sports? SOSHULIZMZ!!!!!!

CthuNHu October 5, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Didn't Jimmy Carter confess to being an assistant coach for a girls’ high school tennis team in his heart?

chicken_thief October 5, 2012 at 4:01 pm

What a racket he had going on there!

starfanglednut October 5, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Now you"re just stringing us along.

HogeyeGrex October 5, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I knew Carter had a big heart, but I had no idea he could fit a whole tennis team in there.

scorpy1 October 5, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Hilariously now has this update:
Phillips served as an economist at BLS between June 2009 and July 2012.

docterry6973 October 5, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Probably quit his job to get ready for 'tennis season', if you get my drift. I swear these Goppers are dumb.

deanbooth October 5, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Hilarious is an understatement!

Jesee, you should an update to your post.

Indiepalin October 5, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Romney lights his hash pipe with $270 bills.

CommieDad October 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Wait, Romney gets high? He should support the MJ Legalization in our fine state of WA like all the other Repubs (http://huff.to/Qzu8Nj).

weejee October 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Since it looks like it's going to pass, we should be thankful SEATAC upgraded the radars so the aeroplane pilots will be able to see through the purple haze.

Lascauxcaveman October 5, 2012 at 4:38 pm

And the most beautiful part about the whole thing? The proposed law legalizing the dope in WA says it has to be 100% HOME GROWN. As in, actual JOBS for certified Washington State dope farmers. Licensing, taxing, and marketing it in state ganja stores. I love it!

I probably won't actually smoke it, but just knowing it's there, and legal (well, as far as the state is concerned) warms the cockles of my tiny librul heart.

Indiepalin October 5, 2012 at 4:48 pm

"I probably won't actually smoke it" = "I love you, 47 percent"

CommieDad October 5, 2012 at 5:01 pm

You can also cook it, if you don't want to smoke it. Also, a year from November, just stepping foot in WA will be enough to get you high.

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 5, 2012 at 5:26 pm

I have no plans to smoke it either.

Hi Mom!

PsycWench October 5, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Not $420 bills?

DahBoner October 5, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Pardon me, do you perhaps have change for this 20 million dollar bil?

qwerty42 October 5, 2012 at 4:00 pm

I'd say the hysteria of these groups suggests they realize their candidate is losing and they cannot imagine why this is. Except for the fact they are always hysterical and it is always Munich, or teh gheyz or teh blahs or teh wimminz or something. So, there is no way to draw any conclusions from this except they are nuts.

PsycWench October 5, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Reality is so frustrating when you're only a tourist, not a resident.

Negropolis October 6, 2012 at 1:03 am

and it is always Munich

Most excellent. That would be an awesome name for political novel.

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 4:00 pm

But why toss in the “he coaches girls’ high school tennis” line?

They took that straight out of his Playgirl centerfold spread!

chicken_thief October 5, 2012 at 4:18 pm

So the school would know to search the walls for the pinhole that he surely drilled?

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Glory glory holelujah!

GhostBuggy October 5, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Well, the wingnut anger is, of course, that he coaches a team of icky girls. Why isn't he the coach of, say, a boy's swimming or gymnastics team, like a real American?

Jukesgrrl October 5, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Real men coach football.

seppdecker October 6, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Judging from the recent crop of Republicans (including W), real men are cheerleaders.

Jukesgrrl October 7, 2012 at 1:12 am

Score!

chicken_thief October 5, 2012 at 4:00 pm

"…two of the economists employed by the BLS donated to Obama."

Oh, shit…. the folks at the Washington Free Bacon have learned to use the googlez. Obummerz will never get away with his hijinx now.

Generation[redacted] October 5, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Drudge Siren: NEW GOOGLE SEARCH TRIED, YIELDS RESULTS

mavenmaven October 5, 2012 at 4:01 pm

I think for the GOP crowd being involved in women's tennis means he's a "fag".

chicken_thief October 5, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Marcus is dialing feverishly as we speak to schedule the *cure counselling*.

Mittaplasia October 5, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Well, he won't be dialing a California number because we like our gheys just like they are, and because it's not clear how long you cure one of them, anyway.

Crank_Tango October 5, 2012 at 4:22 pm

…and the first thing I think is "fit girls in cute short skirts." Does that mean there is something wrong with me?

Jukesgrrl October 5, 2012 at 4:55 pm

You didn't know?

Fare la Volpe October 5, 2012 at 4:57 pm

All Signs Point to Gay

Negropolis October 6, 2012 at 1:05 am

Yeah, it can go either way, but neither way good. Either he's a pedophile or one of Teh Gheys.

StillGoinGreen October 5, 2012 at 4:02 pm

It is impossible to be truly honest about the economy when you are a Muslim loving liberal who teaches young women the art of properly handling fuzzy balls. What is so hard to understand about that?

Mumbletypeg October 5, 2012 at 4:08 pm

the art of properly handling fuzzy balls

Nubile, tanned, ponytailed girls in short skirts on the court, searching the ground bent over surely looking for a stray spanking. I mean, a stray Spalding®.

Chet Kincaid_ October 5, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I'm pretty sure this comment is some kind of entrapment.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 5, 2012 at 4:42 pm

I am so not upfisting that.

GunToting[Redacted] October 5, 2012 at 5:58 pm

"To Catch a Snarker."

StillGoinGreen October 5, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Unfortunately, the *Nubile, tanned, ponytailed girls in short skirts on the court* have been replaced by brooding, purple haired, nose-lip-eyebrow pierced teens who get way too much and accomplish way too little. Trust me on this one, my daughters are both in HS athletics. I do like the visual you have offered, however. It reminds me of the 80's style teenie movies, like Porky's or Revenge of the Nerds.

Negropolis October 6, 2012 at 1:06 am

Maria Sharapova libel!

Come here a minute October 5, 2012 at 4:02 pm

David McConnel of Falls Church, VA, has contributed $1,200 to Obama and $800 to Democratic senate candidates over the last three election cycles. He drives a black conversion van with tinted windows.

C_R_Eature October 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

So, you're telling me that BLS doesn't stand for Bacon Loving Statisticians?

*Rips up Application*

Baconzgood October 5, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Did some one say bacon?

starfanglednut October 5, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Annnnnnd, there he is again!

* smiles at teh baconz

BlueStateLibel October 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Need Mitt Rmoney to get back on TV and give another frenetic used-care salesman performance STAT.

greenloner October 6, 2012 at 12:05 am

Thank you for putting into words for me exactly what Mitt's performance was like. That's exactly right: "frenetic used-car salesman."

HogeyeGrex October 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Someone needs to find out if these traitors have granite countertops, or something.

Radiotherapy October 5, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I confess: I always that iCarly's BFF, Sam, was kind of cute.
Off with my head.

RaflcaFlkaFlame October 5, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Awwwwkward.

sudsmckenzie October 5, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Fuck, I "donated" more than $270 to Captain Morgan just to make it through the 20 Republican debates.

marinmaven October 6, 2012 at 12:44 am

Only $270? If you are not drinking like the cast members of Mad Men through those debates, you are not paying attention.

SexySmurf October 5, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Phillips was also assistant coach for a girls’ high school tennis team in 2010.

If there's grass on the court, play ball (or whatever they say in tennis).

DahBoner October 5, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Or roll one.

Schmannnity October 5, 2012 at 4:07 pm

BLS: The confluence of math and science–a Republican outrage.

mwittier October 5, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Next, the Washington Flea Beacon is going to use a picture of a cute boy to set up a Facebook account, and flirt with President Obama.

Then, when he brags about having a boyfriend at another school to Joe Biden, the hottie is going to tell him that he's ugly and that everyone thinks he should kill himself.

It's all just adorable mean-girl hijinx until someone gets their feelings hurt.

RaflcaFlkaFlame October 5, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Ok, ok fine. I admit it. I did it. I galloped into the BLS myself and changed the maths, not Barry :(

C_R_Eature October 5, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Well hell, I spend more than $270 in electric every time I spin up the Interrossiter to call home to report on our human experiment progress…

Oops, I've said too much.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 5, 2012 at 4:31 pm

ZAP!

ManchuCandidate October 5, 2012 at 4:10 pm

It's the takes one to know one, I guess.

Jack Welch, GE chair honoranus from 1981-2002.

Because EPS is, essentially, net income, it is fairly easily manipulated. Management has control over the timing of some expenses and some revenue, and can therefore adjust the EPS number. General Electric (GE), for instance, met earnings or beat by one or two cents per share for something like 38 quarters in a row during the late 1990s and early 2000s. Considering the vagaries of business, this performance is suspicious.

bobbert October 6, 2012 at 4:55 am

Before Daimler-Benz was listed on the NYSE, it was generally agreed that the only accurate numbers in any annual report were the year.

IncenseDebate October 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm

BLS = Black Loving Socialists

JustPixelz October 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm

"examining the impact of Obamacare on Healthcare North American Industry Classification System indices."

Sounds like a nice cushy job. According to Steve Doocy, Obamacare reduces the whole thing to one code: DEAD

emmelemm October 5, 2012 at 4:23 pm

NAICS! Something with which I am passingly familiar!

Baconzgood October 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm

The numbers are fixed.

It's true I hold the down markers for my kids football games and a Line Judge told me that he heard it from a highschool socer ref that, his Jr. high girls softball ump cousin was told by a lacross score keeper that, golf instructers and tennis coaches are in leage with ice dancing judges to get Obama reelected for the guys that shoot the starter's pistol at track and field meets.

WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!!!!!

chicken_thief October 5, 2012 at 4:14 pm

You live in Wasilla by any chance?….

Egregious644 October 5, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Well, as Richard Nixon and his designated Jew-counter Fred Malek could tell you, BLS is run by a Jewish cabal. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/election-2012… The GOP is back to its same old poop, except this time they're on the outside trying to get in.

ChillBill October 5, 2012 at 4:12 pm

"Is he busy driving down the unemployment rate to try and get teenage girls in his Camaro?"

Hey, it worked wonders for Joe Biden, right? He's cruising in a Firebird full of cheerleaders as we speak…

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 6, 2012 at 2:08 am

While playin' some rockin' tunes from such arena bands as Foreigner, Loverboy and Journey. When Joe really wants to get the ladies wet he slips in Led Zeppelin IV but when he wants to keep his credibility with the guys he puts on Apetite for Destruction by Guns N Roses. Of course his music collection is all on tapes (with his old school Pioneer stereo sound system) because CD's, MP3's, MP4's, etc. are for pussies!

Generation[redacted] October 5, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Pfffft. If he had any real talent he'd be assistant coaching at Penn State.

sudsmckenzie October 5, 2012 at 4:15 pm

In a related story, the tennis team revised their 2010 numbers which revealed an extra 17 balls.

Negropolis October 6, 2012 at 1:15 am

That's what she said.

calliecallie October 5, 2012 at 4:15 pm

The picture of the model BLS economist is so cute! I can't bear it.

IncenseDebate October 5, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Ay-RABs came up with numbers, so, of course.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 5, 2012 at 4:34 pm

We should go back to Roman numerals. Why am I still stuck at XCVIII pees?

JustPixelz October 5, 2012 at 4:17 pm

You'd think someone with the skill to coach a "girls’ high school tennis team in 2010" could've pushed those numbers down further and sooner.

Another "math truther" said unemployed Democrats are lying to the survey, claiming to have a job. That can only mean employed Repubicans are also lying, claiming to be out of work to make Bamz look bad. But there are so many employed Repubicans (AOTK) then unemployed anybodies, that unskewing the lies would push the unemployment rate down — a lot. Your move, foilheads.

delaney_blom October 5, 2012 at 4:19 pm

I'm still waiting for the reports from the Bureau of Labor Lies and the Bureau of Labor Damn, Dirty Lies.

Chet Kincaid_ October 5, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Help me out here — I remember our side getting kind of crazy about Bush, but not this fucking crazy!

RaflcaFlkaFlame October 5, 2012 at 4:21 pm

We pointed out the fairly obvious, republicans are just pulling random shit from the sky.

Chet Kincaid_ October 5, 2012 at 4:23 pm

You could say some of the hatred was similar, but it was never about stuff we invented out of whole cloth — that was Cheney and Rumsfeld's job.

IncenseDebate October 5, 2012 at 4:28 pm

The crimes of Bush and Cheney were high crimes and treason. I mean lying to get us into a war that did nothing but waste lives and money. We're going to be paying for that for a long time. So, the anger we felt then was very much a legitimate, righteous anger. These wingnuts manufacture anger over nothing. It's a real study in mass hysteria.

Baconzgood October 5, 2012 at 4:31 pm

But but…it made Hell-I-Burtan richer. Free markets usa usa usa.

anniegetyerfun October 5, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Oh, there were definitely some leftists out there who couldn't stop with the Hitler comparisons. They were nuts, but then, CNN didn't pay them much attention. Because Leftist crazy smells like patchouli and Linux programming, whereas Rightwing crazy is pretty much every CEO on Wall Street.

Negropolis October 6, 2012 at 1:17 am

I always hear conservatives bring up Truthers when Birthers are brought up. As well as I can remember, I don't remember hearing sitting congressmen claiming that Bush did 9/11 nor over half the Democratic Party.

Some of the craziness might be comparable, but the scale is on a whole other level with Republicans.

fartknocker October 5, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I don't know Chet. We had a lot people remove the "W" key from computer keyboards.

HistoriCat October 7, 2012 at 10:42 pm

I don't kno hat you're talking about.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 5, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Remember when it was "treason" to criticize the President during a time of war? So glad everyone has stuck to that.

LibrarianX October 5, 2012 at 5:08 pm

You mean barking carp crazy?

mrblifil October 5, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Why did they have to ruin a perfectly dirty salacious story about fudged employment figures by throwing in nubile and untutored tennis-playing teenage girls? WHY?

rickmaci October 5, 2012 at 4:22 pm

I knew the minute I heard the news this morning, the RebpubliCons would be screaming by lunchtime like little squirrels who had just had somebody stomp on their nuts.

Monsieur_Grumpe October 5, 2012 at 4:25 pm

The unemployment goes down a little bit and the wingnutz freak out seeing conspiracy in every facet of their tiny little lives. I have a feeling that the only thing that will make them happy if some horrible tragedy were to take place that they can blame on Obama. More deaths the better I suppose.

Fare la Volpe October 5, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Just like when they blamed 9/11 and Katrina on B–oh wait…

DerrickWildcat October 5, 2012 at 4:26 pm

"According to his LinkedIn profile" Who needs stupid college when you have a Google?

Simple J Malarkey October 6, 2012 at 12:19 am

"According to his LinkedIn profile"

I, like Phillips, have tons of every kind of statistics (including lies, damned lies and half-truths) on my LinkedIn profile. Because I got laid off by my Job Creator, so I'm currently temping ("consulting" I call it on LinkedIn) and LinkedIn is a big part of networking to find a real job. (It's all the networking I do, actually, since I couldn't stand talking directly with any of those assholes I'm Linked to when I actually worked with them let alone now that I don't absolutely have to.)

Lying on LinkedIn is just like lying on your resume: unfettered free enterprise that made this country what it is today.

Point being, just because Phillips says on LinkedIn he worked somewhere, doesn't mean it's not merely a "statistic." He donated to Obama! Probably never worked a day in his life, the freeloader.

Mittens Howell, III October 5, 2012 at 4:26 pm

This is great news. For Big Bird!!

kyeshinka October 5, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Oh my god, it's full of pedophiles. And stars!

Mittens Howell, III October 5, 2012 at 4:34 pm

I never read Conservative newspapers, I roll them up and use them to swat muppets.

MonkeyMotion October 5, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Meanwhile, at Mitten's HQ…

Mittens: "Issa! Where the hell's Issa? Where the hell's Bachmann? We need a Congressional investigation of BLS, and we need it now!"

Staffer: "Don't worry boss — just tell everyone BLS is full of communist muslims, and that unemployment under Obama continues to be over, say, 27%.

Mittens: [smacks forehead] "Of course! Now fetch me some clean underwear."

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 6, 2012 at 2:14 am

That pretty well sums it up…when I saw the news for today Miffed was using his trademark unctuous smirk while talking about how "sad" he is that so many people left the workforce; he's such a fucking phony.

Chet Kincaid_ October 5, 2012 at 4:38 pm

You can get an Economist to say whatever the hell you want if you dangle some Beggin' Strips!®

My_pal_HAL October 5, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Big jump in Canadian job numbers today as well. Coinkidink?

weejee October 5, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Dudley Do-Right is in the bag for Bamz.

Blueb4sinrise October 5, 2012 at 5:07 pm

IT"S A BIGGER SCANDAL THAN WE THOUGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

docterry6973 October 5, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Exactly. Is there no end to Obama's deviltry?

starfanglednut October 5, 2012 at 5:59 pm

It is indeed a conspiracy of breathtaking evil, the tentacles of which snake into the upper echelons of power!

*adjusts tinfoil hat.

Crank_Tango October 5, 2012 at 8:34 pm

CHEMTRAILS!!!!

GunToting[Redacted] October 5, 2012 at 6:04 pm

They had to bring in some extras to make up the missing Strategic Syrup Reserve volumes.

Chet Kincaid_ October 5, 2012 at 4:41 pm

If they weren't playing World Of Warcraft or using their panties as slingshots, there's no story here.

DahBoner October 5, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Fucking Republican Economic Boat Anchors.

OBAMA ECONOMY PULLING YOUR USELESS ASSES ALONG HUH

LibrarianX October 5, 2012 at 5:07 pm

You mean girls' high school tennis team that IS CURRENTLY BEING HELD HOSTAGE IN TEHRAN?????

barto October 5, 2012 at 5:27 pm

How can he possibly donate $270 to Nobama on an assistant tennis coach's salary? DONOR FRAUD!

littlebigdaddy October 5, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Everyone knows Pedobear votes straight-party GOP!

jqheywood October 5, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Who chewed off Pedobear's foot?

doloras October 6, 2012 at 1:11 am

It was snared in a possum-trap by a brave little girl.

ugodOH October 5, 2012 at 5:59 pm

All I know is that there were rumors he was into field hockey players . . . .

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 5, 2012 at 6:23 pm

so I applied. I went out for the team…

pdiddycornchips October 5, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Tennis turns everyone ghey. Don't believe me? The women's tennis team ( and the men's team) at Liberty University are the Liberty Flames. Explain THAT!!!
http://www.libertyflames.com/index.cfm?PID=10854&amp;…

Naked_Bunny October 5, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Odd how my mental voice for reading conservative "news" always sounds like the spawn of Gilbert Gottfried and Sam Kinison.

glamourdammerung October 5, 2012 at 10:27 pm

A lot of people working for the federal government are Democrats. After all, you generally have to have a college degree and some kind of useful skill set to and statistically speaking, that makes one a lot more likely to be a Democrat.

Simple J Malarkey October 6, 2012 at 12:25 am

"statistically speaking"

See, now there you go again! Satan's muslin numbers.

doloras October 6, 2012 at 1:12 am

And exactly why would you vote for the people who want to de-unionise and fire you?

Veritas78 October 6, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Plus, it helps to believe that what you do for a living is a worthwhile endeavor.

Actually, I'm amazed any republicans work in government. They must be doing it for the buttsechs.

slowhansolo October 5, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Peakin' at the Beacon!

Negropolis October 6, 2012 at 12:56 am

See, Jesse did all of this Grade A sleuthing and didn't even have to use a chalkboard.

Suck it, Beck.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 October 6, 2012 at 2:24 am

Hahaha…when I saw the article title with "Pedophile" and Washington Free Beacon in it I just assumed another right wing fart bubble had been caught as a serial child molester. Oh well still plenty o' wingnut pedophiles just waiting to get caught; all we need to do is wait.

Incitefully_Joe October 6, 2012 at 7:35 pm

I was not aware that our good friend Extemporaneous worked for the BLS.

(No I don't care that Extemp has changed his avatar since then, he will always be the Pedobear of my heart. Wait, what?)

ttommyunger October 6, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Sheeeeiiiiiitttt! You think they're frantic now? Just wait 'till Old Handsome Joe gets through with the Zombie-Eyed Granny Starver next week; they'll all be wearing their clothes out from the inside-out…

TribecaMike October 7, 2012 at 4:30 pm

"Phillips was also assistant coach for a girls’ high school tennis team in 2010."

This confirms my long held suspicion that Andy Roddick is a communist.

Biel_ze_Bubba October 8, 2012 at 1:13 am

Great — every small-time donor to the Obama campaign gets his or her name posted on the interwebz, so that right-wing nutters can fuck with them … while billionaires get to make anonymous donations to GOP SuperPACs.

GunToting[Redacted] October 5, 2012 at 5:50 pm

That must be how he had room in his pocket for those illegal notes!

GunToting[Redacted] October 5, 2012 at 6:02 pm

I'm working on a project with them right now. I always have to bite my tongue or be worried I'll ask them how they transport the kitten blood to Cheney's undisclosed location.

CommieDad October 5, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Yeah, my mom gets mad when I smoke some from her stash too.

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