smooth criminal

Oh Look Here Is Cheating Cheater Mitt Romney Pulling Illegal Notes Out At The Debate (Updated)

My, that takes some brass. We checked. No pre-written notes were allowed.

Anyone miss the good old days of George W. Bush’s “bullet proof vest”?

Update! The Romney campaign claims the object in question is an incredibly starched handkerchief, which Romney unaccountably used to cover the paper at his podium. If anything it just makes too much sense!

Update Again! Here, via a Sam Stein tweet, is Mitt Romney wiping his nose with what looks like a paper napkin, which would be stiffer than a handkerchief, it is true! So we are now willing to stipulate that it is possible Mitt Romney is not a cheating cheater, in this one instance.

But he totally still could be.

[Youtube, ampedinnews, via Wonket operative Mapmonger]

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      1. Abernathy

        Let's not be unfair: Romneybot has a humanlike silicon slipcover. And it comes comes in different shades for, say, Univision appearances!

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      That's what I'm thinking too. The lamestream media is trying desperately to make this sound like a horserace, however.

      In any given article on the subject, you have to read all the way down to the last few graphs to get to the part that says "However, in the major battleground states, Mr. Obama's lead averages 4 – 8 points in most polls, and appears to be growing slowly week by week."

    1. PugglesRule

      Lying for the Lord could be the underpinning of his pathological need to lie about pretty much everything. I guess the commandment about "Thou shalt not lie" doesn't apply to Mormons.

  1. MLHencken

    Oh, here we go. Mittens is going to be all: "they were blank" or whatever and the more butthurt Democrats get about it the less effective it will be as a criticism. That shit just bounced off Bush when it happened to him.

  2. Terry

    So, he lies and he cheats. Any evidence that he's stolen something? He might get a prize for hitting the amoral trifecta.

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      So now you are suggesting that Mitt is having sex with his wife's horse?!?

      Oh, you said hitting TRIFECTA. My mistake.

      1. Mapmonger

        I think it would be good to insinuate that, in as many different venues as possible. "Mitt Romney: Horse LUHRVER" needs mileage.

    1. chicken_thief

      Is that where the unwed get preggers then maybe or maybe not tie the knot with maybe or maybe not the baby daddy?

    1. Nostrildamus

      Most of his animated performance was actually due to the electrode in his anus. Ann was punching the remote like a mother-fucker.

  3. glasspusher

    "Take notes out of pocket, so the electorate will think you're human and didn't need Debate Download 1.15"

  4. SayItWithWookies

    – cut taxes
    — don't cut taxes
    — the poor don't matter
    — everybody matters
    — healthcare is great
    — repeal Obamacare on day 1
    — workers are what build the economy
    — fire them if possible

      1. PugglesRule

        Here comes Mitty Floppingtail, flipping down the election trail, flippity flopping, lying all the way!

    1. chicken_thief

      - education priority, need great teachers
      – do what Walker did, fire the teachers

      Also. Too.

    2. pdiddycornchips

      Today he says "I was completely wrong" about the 47%. Once a man admits he's wrong, he's immediately forgiven. That's what Vincent Vega says anyway. Of course Jules didn't take it well and made Vince clean up the little pieces of brain in the back seat.

    3. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Yeah I dunno…I don't know why so many libtards are freaking out about Obama's performance. The way I see it is first off, check the tapes from 2008 and you'll see Obama has been and always will be kind of…civil at debates. He's actually debating in the traditional style emphasizing substance over style. Incumbent presidents ALWAYS suck with debates because their need to defend their record always makes them look weak compared to their challenger. Everyone remembers Clinton in '92 v. Bush but does anyone remember the '96 debates? They were as boring as a night out with the Romneys. Personally, it would not surprise me at all if Obama's strategy was totally thrown off by the breathtaking lies Romney spewed. .

    4. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      I mean, I think he wanted to defend his record and policy ideas while highlighting what a heartless rightwing fuckwad Romney is and Romney magically "disagreed" with verifiable reality. Should he have been called on it? YES! But it's not really Obama's stylet to do so (again referring to '08). That in and of itself needs to change because Romney is going to keep on lying while his campaign quietly "clarifies" the nonsense claims he makes. It's not easy to debate a used car salesman when nobody but you gets to call him a dirty lying liar with pants on fire so much so that the heat resembles a pyroclastic cloud the size of Mount Pele's 1902 killer eruption. Barry is now setting up the "real" Romney (as if one exists) versus the new fake Romney so lets see if he keeps running with it. It's worked against Romney every other time that it's been used (the 2008 GOP debates were funny because I think McNasty and Huckster literally did light RMoney's expensive pants on fire at one point).

  5. francesdavey

    Wow. Someone had hinted that Romney had gone over and grabbed Pres. Obama's notes, so I went back and watched on C-Span. I saw that he had gotten something from his own podium and after clumsily trying to find a pocket for them, handed them off to one of the kids.

    1. sullivanst

      When Sununu speaks, my brain immediately translates whatever words come out of his mouth to "John Sununu is a fucking asshole!"

      I call it "autocorrect".

    1. Willardbot9000_V2.5

      Nahh RMoney would never PAY a man so far beneath his visage. Those were for his after the debate party where they take one of those hundreds, tie it to a string and trick homeless people into running after them. The way to win this game (it's called the Hobo Rodeo to those outside of such erudite and wealthy circles) is to trick a homeless person into chasing the money until they trip over or fall into something that causes serious bodily harm. Bonus points are rewarded if one of them dies while they chase the money….Willard always goes for the bonus points of course.

  6. thatsitfortheother1

    You libs who think W was a dumass…

    At least he was smart enough to use electronics to cheat. And half smart enough to hide it.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Would have been nice if Bamz had had a copy of the Ryan plan in his pocket: "Excuse me, governor, but it says right here on page 43 that [insert opposite of whatever the fuck Mitt just said.]"

    2. pdiddycornchips

      I blame Michelle for this. Before the debate she whispered in Barry's ear, "I'm wearing magic underwear". Totally lost his focus after that.

  7. GorzoTheMighty

    He learned from Rick Perry. Had to 5 point plan handy in case someone asked what it was besides a slogan.

  8. smitallica

    Is it really cheating if the note just says "SAY OPPOSITE OF ALL YOUR STATED POSITIONS FROM PAST YEAR" again and again?

    1. PugglesRule

      Don't say "poors".
      Don't say "lesbigays".
      Don't say "those people".
      Don't say "It's our turn."

      Oh wait, too late.

  9. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Now don't all bite my head of at once, but is it possible that was a handkerchief? You know, for all the spittle? Granted, I'm watching on my iPhone and can't tell for sure, but I've heard that old white guys who don't have to do their own laundry still use those things.

      1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

        I'm not good with all the fancy linking, but a google search quickly unearthed a photo of him using what is clearly a handkerchief later in the debate.

        Oh, fuck it. Don't listen to me, I've been getting entirely too much sleep lately. Skullfuck Romney with a rusty chainsaw full of votes!

    1. banseabhag

      Even old guys don't keep the hanky in their front pants pocket. It's in the breast pocket, or in the HIP pocket if it's a bandanna..Married to an "old guy"..I know.

  10. The_Peckerwood

    As is having pre approved, scripted questions isn't bad enough… now we got pre approved, scripted answers too! No wonder these debates are a god damn joke. If I want to see fake entertainment, Ill turn on WWE, thankya very much!

  11. BornInATrailer

    I've every sci-fi flick I've ever seen, the robot point of view contains all kinds of HUD crap and words laid over their sight. So this seems really redundant.

    Come on, people. Think.

  12. skmind

    Give him a break, how else was he supposed to remember "trickle down government?" Nonsense that bizarre has to be written down, you just cannot memorize it!

    1. pdiddycornchips

      Yeah, that line is so dumb. I can't believe Bamz hasn't hit back on that. Mittz wants trickle UP government. Government exists to help rich assholes, the rest of you are on your own,

    1. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      That's really scary for a lot of reasons. But at least now I know where the voices in my head are coming from.

    2. carlgt1

      it's the reverse-baptized-Mormon ghosts — yup, the evil secret is that when they reverse-baptize you — the Mormon bishops own your soul and can have you float around looking up stuff on wikipedia and whisper answers in Rmoney's ear etc…..

  13. weejee

    Just reinforces for me that in bidness, that during an initial meeting if one of the first things the other person says is that they are a Christian, is to either: 1) flee; 2) make sure I keep my back up against a thick reinforced concrete wall. This is because they know Jebus loves cheaters and forgives them again, and again, and again, and again, ad nauseum, amen.

  14. beezie687

    Aww c'mon, y'all know that was just a wad of Burger King napkins he keeps in his pocket to use as snot rags. He's Real People, like me!

  15. Mittaplasia

    He tried to sneak in crib notes OR after shaking Obama's right hand, he really DID retrieve a sani-wipe or a hankie to wipe his hand off right after. Looks bad either way, so it is good.

  16. mavenmaven

    "If you're doing business with a religious son-of-a-bitch,
    Get it in writing.
    His word isn't worth shit.
    Not with the good lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal."

    1. banseabhag

      Man this is so true. I have been on the illuminated end of that arrangement. "He's christian! He'll do you right"…he was correct but not the way he thought he would be…

  17. actor212

    Here, via a Sam Stein tweet, is Mitt Romney wiping his nose with what looks like a paper napkin, which would be stiffer than a handkerchief, it is true!

    Say, you know what other candidate for Federal office sweated a lot under television lights?

  18. widestanceromance

    Anybody else REALLY creeped-out by watching him in slow motion? Cyborg Mittenstein. [shudder]

  19. Weenus299


  20. weejee

    Note cardz plus napkin = Rmoney safe after having stolen 1st. Not easy to steal first ya know.

    Need TSA screening at next debate. Make Willard remove the lifts from his shoes.

  21. KeepFnThatChicken

    I'll stand up for him this time. That was a handkerchief he bought at the haberdashery.

    Still fucking elitist.

  22. BerkeleyBear

    Not to go all Zapruder here, but from the clip it could have easily been both a hankie and a crib sheet – one contained in the other. I've done and seen enough shitty magic to spot the hankie as misdirection, especially if he only used it after he no longer needed the notes (closing remarks). All of which would explain why it looks so stiff when he pulls it out, then he messes around with it and finally when he wipes his nose at the end it looks wilted.

    And yes, I see what I did there. Ewww.

    1. zumpie

      I agree. I don't believe Thurston would use a paper hanky or napkin (I don't even think he knows they exist)….but nto only could he use it to hide crib notes in it, he could write crib notes ON it.

      We all know he was desperate to win—-I have no doubt that he cheated. Granted, Obama helped him win…but Mittens is a lying liar and a cheating cheater

  23. Mapmonger


    But could not the bespoke handkerchief have had notes painstakingly woven into its very fabric?

    By Rafalca?



  24. CommieDad

    It is clearly a hankie. But even if it was a note, what the fuck could it have said? You don't need notes to make up numbers!

  25. Toomush_Infer

    It do look like notes, but here's the problem (and I'm not going to review the debate again to see if I'm right):….he didn't say anything!….just a few phrases, like "trickle-down government " (whatever that is), and "You don't know what's in my budget"….

  26. DahBoner

    Big fucking deal.

    It's not like lying, cheating and bearing false witness against Kenyans is prohibited in The Bible or anything…

  27. savethispatient

    I remember at the end of the debate, after the handshakes, Mitt walked back to his podium and picked up what looked like some notes. My friend and I were all, "What are you doing Mittens, there'll be someone to do that for you". If he wasn't supposed to have notes, that makes a lot more sense!

  28. Redgyal

    I know that whenever I take a napkin with me to a speaking engagement, I ALWAYS keep looking down at it.

  29. Toomush_Infer

    Okay, I looked at it again, closely – it IS a note, but it just says :"Don't drool"…

  30. FeloniousMonk

    the object in question is an incredibly starched handkerchief

    This makes perfect sense to me. At the start of every class, I spread my snot-rag out on the lectern, because … why do I do that?

  31. Sassomatic

    So he's wiping his nose with his economic plans, so what? Obama literally wipes his ass with the Constitution everyday. I'm told the Drudge Report has video.

  32. bibliotequetress

    I agree these are not notes. He needs a hanky after his handlers spray his moving parts with WD-40.

  33. ttommyunger

    That would be a magic hankie, made up of the same material as his fart-proof, skid-mark resistant magic fucking undies; so he's got that going for him, which is nice…

Comments are closed.