Knickers in a Twist

Panty-Related Rumor Roils County Prosecutor Race In Ohio

A typical day in a law office, according to noted expertsWe feel just awful for Hocking County, Ohio, prosecutor Laina Fetherolf, a first-term Democrat whose campaign for reelection has been complicated by vicious rumors that sound like something out of an episode of Night Court. And we really feel awful about the fact that we are now going to make matters worse by talking even more about what did or did not happen with her panties after a wardrobe malfunction in court. So please accept our abject apologies, Ms. Fetherolf, and remember that we actually do believe your side of the story!

Now, let’s talk about your underthings.

According to a complaint Fetherolf filed with the Ohio Elections Commission, her opponent Jason Sarvar has been spreading untrue rumors about what Fetherolf did when a judge noticed that “Fetherolf was wearing dark panties under a light-colored dress, causing snickering in the courtroom.” According to a letter sent to Fetherolf by a local businessman, Sarver had told the businessman and his wife that when the judge

told her to fix the fashion faux pas…Fetherolf left the courtroom, went to the men’s room, removed her panties and then placed them in evidence before the judge.

She also supposedly announced, “problem solved.”

The Columbus Dispatch reports that Fetherolf’s complaint about the rumors was dismissed “largely because it was not based on personal knowledge and was neither a public statement nor campaign literature.” Fetherolf’s campaign Facebook page, however, contends that “the complaint was dismissed due to a typographical error and will be resubmitted tomorrow,” adding “We truly believe justice will be done.”

Fetherolf says that she only filed her complaint after hearing the rumor from multiple sources:

“I was willing to laugh it off until the story began to spread … I’ve heard about it from multiple people. Everybody in Logan is talking about this story [Sarver] made up.”

Common Pleas Court Judge John T. Wallace has said little about the incident, but agrees with prosecutor Fetherolf on the key panty-depositing allegation: “No panties have ever been placed on my bench by anyone, including her.”

In a note on her Facebook page, Fetherolf emphasizes that her goal has simply been to stop the rumors, not to stoke controversy:

I never intended to cause any media frenzy, just to get him to stop. I’ve heard it many times from diverse people and it would have been impossible for me to track down everyone to set the record straight. I gave him an opportunity to correct it, I filed with the elections commission without making a big fuss, and then I was contacted by the media, not the other way around.

Once again, Ms. Fetherolf, we feel a bit guilty for contributing to the Streisand Effect here. On the other hand … PANTIES OF JUSTICE!!!!!

You see our dilemma.

[Atlantic Wire / Columbus Dispatch / Facebook]

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
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    1. Generation[redacted]

      That's just the sort of impertinent remark that will get you a dressing down from the judge.

        1. ssmallt

          Now guys, cut her some slack… It's a shame she has to go all commando on the issue just to set the record straight.

        2. le petit mort

          Attorney: Your Honor, I object to this line of questioning.
          Judge: Overruled.
          Attorney: Very well, then; I'd like some time to go over my briefs.
          Judge: Please.
          Attorney: [inspects his underwear] They're fine.

      1. C_R_Eature

        It's #7, with a Bullet! The story's also garnered 6 comments.

        We like Panty stories here aw Wonkette.

  1. hagajim

    I feel for poor Judge Wallace – no panties have ever been placed on his bench – by anyone. #PoorDudeIsAVirgin.

  2. Terry

    The Republican can't have support from any of the national PACs or else he'd have come up with a better story with at least some faked up "proof"

  3. Generation[redacted]

    “We truly believe justice will be done.”

    That's what I say when a woman removes her panties for me.

  4. Oblios_Cap

    What in the hell was the judge doing commenting on her panties? Does he inspect male lawyers for "fashion faux-pas", too?

    Too bad the story isn't true. She'd get my vote.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Judges are the arbiters of professional decorum in their courts. If they see something that potentially harms that decorum, or serves as a significant distraction from the proceedings, they are obliged to intervene.

      And some are just skeevy old guys who like to talk about ladies underpants all the time.

    2. vulpes82

      Well, since no straight man I know would ever utter the words "fashion faux pas," I imagine he's very interested in the male lawyers briefs.

  5. Jus_Wonderin

    Whoa. I was just reading about the Streisand Effect. This is weird. Weird. I swear.

    ETA: Weird.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        Grin. I was just on the wiki page, and come back to Wonkette and bam!!! I had to go see how old she was and then saw a link to the “effect”.

  6. Yellerdawg

    She should have let it stand. If she had actually done that, I would have voted for her for that reason alone. Besides respecting the 'fuck you' aspect of it, the whole business suit/no panties thing really does it for me.

  7. Sophist[Kochblocker]

    Fetherolf left the courtroom, went to the men’s room, removed her panties and then placed them in evidence before the judge.

    Defense exhibit G.

  8. fartknocker

    If the Editorix ever decides do a drinky thing in Austin it would be nice to memorialize the event with her skivvies.

  9. GemlikeFlame

    We need more of this kind of hard-hitting, penetrative… uhhh. Gotta go see if Mrs. GLF is busy…

  10. FakaktaSouth

    “No panties have ever been placed on my bench by anyone, including her.”

    We much prefer commando justice 'round these here parts as well.

  11. Lascauxcaveman

    The Rule 34 implications of this story bring to mind a whole 'nother category of porn I have not even considered before.

  12. JoeHoya

    I won't be able to form an adequate opinion about this matter unless I see pics of Ms. Fetherolf in her panties.

  13. MiniMencken

    She went to the men's room to remove her panties? Now that is one kinky little number, lemme tell ya.

    1. SorosBot

      I miss the days when porn spoofs actually had creative titles. (Two of my favorites: Night of the Living Bed and Beverly Hills 90269). Nowdays it's all just "Not Avatar: A Porn Parody" and that's just pathetic.

  14. OneYieldRegular

    Someone should have the authorities take a look in the basement of whoever started that rumor.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Where's asshole Clarence T when we need him? I'll bet he can't truthfully say what Judge Wallace said.

  15. C_R_Eature

    I read that the Pantyfarian sect wants the right to wear them on their heads in public.

    Religious Freedom, people.

  16. Doktor Zoom

    I simply want to say that I have always wanted to use "roil" in a headline.

    One more item checked off my bucket list.

    1. Mittaplasia

      I can't stop thinking about a book, "Sexual Profiles of Men in Power" written by a D.C. hooker who talked about a judge who wore a butt plug all day while hearing cases, so if you get this guy, you might benefit from his good mood.

  17. LibertyLover

    I find that this election season, we, as a whole have spent entirely too much time on the undergarments one does or does not wear, magical or nonmagical. And I will not stand for it anymore!! (I won't stand for it any less though either.)

    1. Mittaplasia

      Maybe instead of Mrs. Handsome Joe tossing 'em all out, she can start a "Gently Used Panties for the Poors" foundation, or a museum or sumpin'.

  18. Doktor Zoom

    Her approach to Constitutional interpretation has also been criticized for being excessively elastic.

    1. C_R_Eature

      The old arguments she used were threadbare and there were significant holes found in her logic.

        1. C_R_Eature

          A YouTube video link to a Liz Phair song about panties, illustrated withe anime Japanese sex kittens.

          I'm in awe. You should get some kind of medal for that.

  19. SorosBot

    "vicious rumors that sound like something out of an episode of Night Court. "

    Court, at night? I'm laughing already!

  20. CommieDad

    You know what I like about this? It is a great urban legend. It's right up there with the little white girls dropping to the ground in the elevator when Eddie Murphy says, "hit da flo." I think I am going to tell this story about every female barrister I know. Heck, the male law-dicks too!

  21. Fare la Volpe

    One of my favorite professors told me a story about when she argued a case in court while 8 months pregnant. Naturally she showed up to court in maternity clothes because fuck you there's a kicking thing inside me and my clothes don't fit. The judge for the case (a man just a few years older than Moses) started to bitch at her because she had the audacity to wear pants instead of a skirt and flats instead of heels. My prof yanked her husband out of the gallery, slung his tie around her neck, demanded if that was "good enough," and went on to win her case like a boss.

  22. Tundra Grifter

    Somebody is confusing the Common Pleas Court of Judge John T. Wallace with a Tom Jones concert.

  23. Chet Kincaid_

    At that very moment, the Ohio Nuns Of Chastity burst into the courtroom, forced the Democrat woman into a head-to-toe burlap-sack dress, and fled the courtroom while the bailiff, judge and other male authorities were still paralyzed in romantic reverie by their raging pheromones.

  24. owhatever

    It is difficult for her opponent, Jason Sarver, to stay laser focused on jerbs when this woman keeps flaunting black panties in his face. To his credit, he has has not yet made up stories about her frilly, uplifting bra, pantyhose, leather handcuffs, feathered blindfold, or the assortment of battery-powered dildi.

  25. rickmaci

    You'd think a well prepared Prosexcuting Attorney would carry a spare thong in her brief case.

  26. PubOption

    She had a weak case and was trying to distract the jury.

    Comment originally posted to this story on Wonkville.

  27. pdiddycornchips

    If anyone has spent any time at all in a court house, you already know not all male lawyers look or dress like the guys on TV. In fact, many, especially the older ones, dress in ratty looking suits and appear to not have showered in a few days. Judges aren't concerned about their appearance. If the judge really said something about the color of her panties, he's a moron.

  28. decentcitizen

    I think it was a mistake to dispel this rumor. That would have been kick-ass if it had actually happened. It makes me doubt her qualities as a trial attorney. Every lawyer knows the backbone of every case is a compelling narrative.

  29. Guppy

    OK, we've gone from bronies to full-blown otaku (and fanservice at that). How much longer before Wonkett hosts ads for full-body pillows, and will that run afoul of Our Editrix's "No Full Porn" proscription?

  30. fishwharf

    Laina Fetherolf is an attractive young woman. She can place her panties on my bench anytime.

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