SUNNY DAY EVERYTHING'S A-OK  10:15 am October 5, 2012

Ghost Mr. Rogers Will Help Save PBS From That Mean Old Mitt Romney

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Duh, everybody freaking out about Homeless Big Bird, axing PBS has been dogma on the Right for decades. Everybody in this glorious nation may be shocked at Miffed Romney’s mafia threat to Big Bird — looks like you got a real nice nest here, shame if anything happened to it — but Fox Business and their ilk have long believed all that sharing and multiculturalism is soshulizms. Murdering the Muppets is a feature, not a bug. On the flip side, get some morning sweetness with Fred Rogers testifying before Congress and making crusty old men’s hearts grow three sizes, and stuff.

Of course, you knew the Republicans have wanted this forever and ever, but the … er … low-information voters (we are trying to nicely say “idiots”) are dismayed and appalled to learn this basic bit of 21st Century Teatardedness. (Here’s a statement from PBS from last year, when the House voted to cut off all its funding. And here is their — near identical — statement from yesterday. They probably have the whole thing in macros.) Funding for public broadcasting polls better than any slice of federal funding besides your grandma. Too bad that was the one piece of specific policy Ol’ Miffed let fly in the greatest debate performance in this life or any other. Total bummer.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 147 comments }

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 10:19 am

I think Big Bird ought to pull a "Soupy Sales" and tell all the boys and girls to sneak into their mommy's (and daddy's) purse and mail all the pretty green pieces of paper to Sesame Street.

Katydid October 5, 2012 at 10:26 am

oh my, I haven't thought of Soupy Sales in ages….Wikipedia says he grew up as Milton Supman in a NC town. "His was the only Jewish family in the town; Sales joked that local Ku Klux Klan members bought the sheets used for their robes from his father's store."

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 10:27 am

He lived a few blocks from me when I was growing up. He was the one celebrity I stalked as a kid. We loved him.

HempDogbane October 5, 2012 at 10:49 am

And his sons played with Iggy!

DCBloom October 5, 2012 at 11:38 am

I too am the only Jew in a small NC town. I have new love for ol' Soupy

MosesInvests October 5, 2012 at 12:14 pm

The Klan in Hoke Co., NC, bought their sheets from my grandparents' store.

eggsacklywright October 5, 2012 at 10:29 am

Just remember, kids, if you and your mommy and daddy like Sesame Street, you're a bunch of commies and I'll toss you all in the gulag.

Pres.Beeblebrox October 5, 2012 at 10:19 am

Big Bird wept.

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 10:20 am

"Mommy? Why does that mean ol' Mr Romney want to kill Big Bird? Does he hate Elmo, too?

Toomush_Infer October 5, 2012 at 10:50 am

Yes, even Oscar is going to have to move out of his luxury garbage can, sweetheart…

ManchuCandidate October 5, 2012 at 10:19 am

This show sponsored by the letters, O, B, A and M and by the number 47.

Katydid October 5, 2012 at 10:22 am

Or…this show sponsored by the liberal elite media industrial complex, and your liberal mommy and daddy are bad, bad, people.

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 10:23 am

…who have sex with homeless people

UW8316154 October 5, 2012 at 10:30 am

…and force abortions on women who aren't pregnant.

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 10:31 am

…gay crack-baby abortions.

ManchuCandidate October 5, 2012 at 10:30 am

Daddy's sexing Oscar the grouch?

/runs away and cries/

ifthethunderdontgetya October 5, 2012 at 10:19 am
actor212 October 5, 2012 at 10:24 am

Elmo will cut a bitch

Hm, maybe Bert and Ernie ought to finally get married.

Esteev October 5, 2012 at 10:37 am

What a monster.

freakishlywrong October 5, 2012 at 10:19 am

The fuck is up with wingers and PBS? Leave it, SS, Medicare, our uteri, and us the fuck alone. Go. Away. Assholes.

Esteev October 5, 2012 at 10:36 am

The chyron says it all: "Are liberals trying to brainwash your kids against capitalism?"

At what age does "share" become a bad word?

LesBontemps October 5, 2012 at 11:48 am

At whatever age it is you become a Republican.

SorosBot October 5, 2012 at 10:21 am

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

deanbooth October 5, 2012 at 10:30 am

But is it a beautiful day in the hood?

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 10:37 am

Yo!

Mittaplasia October 5, 2012 at 10:46 am

Yikes! Here comes Robme; there goes the neighborhood!

MissNancyPriss October 5, 2012 at 10:47 am

Haha, your avatar is awesome.

Mittaplasia October 5, 2012 at 11:50 am

Thank you! So many great Mittens ones, but most can't be readable on this tiny format, oops, did a Mitt penis joke just slip out?

LibertyLover October 5, 2012 at 10:54 am

I like you. Just the way you are…

shelwood46 October 5, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Every body's fancy, every body's fine.
Your body's fancy, and so is mine.

Katydid October 5, 2012 at 10:21 am

"…liberal hollywood using class warfare to brainwash our kids"

Don't these fucking people ever get tired of spouting the same old dreary talking points? JFC, at least accuse us of something new already. I'm so bored with this shit!

Oblios_Cap October 5, 2012 at 10:46 am

I'm told we all read Alinski, & Chomski, too. I did not know that.

Mittaplasia October 5, 2012 at 11:25 am

Need moar reads of the gubmint teat-sucking Ayn Rand? Fahgidaboudit, I'll stay unevolved.

kyeshinka October 5, 2012 at 11:25 am

Read Chomsky's "Syntactic Structures." You'll never look at language acquisition the same again!!

Pragmatist2 October 5, 2012 at 10:21 am

But they will keep Downton Abbey. It's fun when the servants get fired.

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 10:25 am

Upstairs, Downstairs, however, will be outsourced by 50%. Upstairs stays. Downstairs, you're on your own

Lionel[redacted]Esq October 5, 2012 at 5:37 pm

I thought the CIA was responsible for introducing CIA to the little stoner kids.

Barbara_ October 5, 2012 at 10:21 am

Big Bird will have to resort to selling Fraggle Rock to the little stoner kids.

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 10:26 am

Mitt Romney as King Gorg

memzilla October 5, 2012 at 10:34 am

GORGO LIBEL! RAAAAAAHHHHHHHHRRRRRR!

weejee October 5, 2012 at 10:35 am

Ted Nugent and all the little Amboy Dukes?

freakishlywrong October 5, 2012 at 10:22 am

Republican Public Broadcasting would be nothing but Fux propaganda station broadcasting the Sock Puppets and Big Turd 'round the clock. (like they do now).

KeepFnThatChicken October 5, 2012 at 10:23 am

Today, we are all puppets.

Esteev October 5, 2012 at 10:38 am

Get your hand outta my ass!

Katydid October 5, 2012 at 11:00 am

Ha!

TheGyrus October 5, 2012 at 10:23 am

I'm trying to figure out a more effective use of federal early childhood education dollars than Big Bird. Not coming up with one.

commiegirl99 October 5, 2012 at 10:50 am

Well, I'm pretty pleased with Head Start.

TheGyrus October 5, 2012 at 11:48 am

So am I, but it costs orders of magnitude more, and is only available to the poors. Sesame Street is a program even my middle-class child can watch.

KeepFnThatChicken October 5, 2012 at 11:27 am

Vaccinations.

Radiotherapy October 5, 2012 at 10:24 am

I guess Mitch was "completely wrong" on this one too.

OneDollarJuana October 5, 2012 at 10:24 am

I often think PBS, NPR, PRI, et al, should not be funded at all by government money so they will have any requirements to provide right-wing lies as valid viewpoints removed.

JerkCade October 5, 2012 at 10:39 am

Word. If you want to hear how the Republicans are framing an issue, turn on All Things Considered.

Chow Yun Flat October 5, 2012 at 10:25 am

Hollywood using class war…

Hell if there was a class war all those with any power in Hollywood will be with the bourgeoisie, especially since that's where they are now.

rambone October 5, 2012 at 10:25 am

Wait a minute. That's the way Mister Rogers always talked? It wasn't just a schtick for his show?

Was he, um, you know, one of those developmentally challenged people we can't talk about? Or one of those gheys that we're supposed to always talk about?

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 10:29 am

He was a Presbyterian. That explains everything you have to know.

PS he majored in music at college. Too. Also.

YasserArraFeck October 5, 2012 at 10:56 am

I heard that Fred Rogers was a retired Special Forces badass – he could parachute in total darkness and lull you to death with a nice story. Wouldn't leave a mark on you.

Gorillionaire October 5, 2012 at 11:02 am

Fred was a decent guy. He didn't give anybody any shit and he didn't take any shit from anybody.

hagajim October 5, 2012 at 10:26 am

Ha Ha! Miff prolly through out the Big Bird comment just for funz….and now its gone and done backfired on him.

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 10:30 am

Poor lad. The one zinger he actually did manage to land and it went all "ACME Products" on him.

memzilla October 5, 2012 at 10:26 am

"Tastes Like Chicken!"
— Mitt Rmoney

eggsacklywright October 5, 2012 at 10:26 am

I think Cookie Monster would like a word with Mittz, too.

KeepFnThatChicken October 5, 2012 at 10:26 am

Can someone explain to the teevee asshole above that the Muppets in the movie are owned by corporate Disney? There's only an anecdotal connection to Sesame Street these days.

ThankYouJeebus October 5, 2012 at 10:28 am

Mitt has officially lost the Furry vote.

Mittaplasia October 5, 2012 at 10:48 am

…in addition to the furry triangle vote he lost a long time ago!

SorosBot October 5, 2012 at 10:53 am

But I thought he had the votes of the olds, who are the only demographic that doesn't shave and still has the furry triangles…

Mittaplasia October 5, 2012 at 11:35 am

I can't see Mitt getting the landing strip vote, either. Why does everything we talk about seem to come back to Bush all the time? It must be a bot thing.

MosesInvests October 5, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Austin (and Portland and Asheville, etc.) hippy chick libel!

YasserArraFeck October 5, 2012 at 10:58 am

Real Merkins'Mercians for Romney!!!!

sharethegrief October 5, 2012 at 10:50 am

He lost that when he strapped Seamus to the roof of the car.

Mojopo October 5, 2012 at 10:28 am

I like you when you make my face sloppy in the morning.

FakaktaSouth October 5, 2012 at 10:28 am

Today's stupidity brought to you by the letters G, O and P. As fucking always.

Joshua Norton October 5, 2012 at 10:28 am

You get actual programs on PBS? In San Francisco it's just people sitting at a bank of telephone while someone in front of them says "Send us money and we'll send you a tote bag" 24/7. They used to have Pledge Week. Now it's Pledge Year.

proudgrampa October 5, 2012 at 10:39 am

Programming? We don' got to show you no steenkin' programming!

Terry October 5, 2012 at 10:31 am

Mitt's contention during the debates that he'll go through the government and for each agency or program ask "is this worth borrowing from China to fund?" was curious. If he comes upon a business development program that's giving beaucoup bucks to his campaign contributors, will he find that worth of borrow? Educational television, of course not. Environmental stuff, never in a million years. Basically, he'd fund bloated Defense programs and whatever pork he's handlers wanted.

calliecallie October 5, 2012 at 10:55 am

I couldn't help but notice Barry Bamz give a little smile when Mitt said that China thing. Getting him on the record about that. I think Barry will use that line against him in some upcoming foreign affairs debate.

Katydid October 5, 2012 at 11:01 am

And the pork's only to upset the Muslins who are infiltrating the government.

StealthMuslin October 5, 2012 at 10:32 am

If you play the theme from "Sesame Street" sideways it's "The Internationale." WAKE UP!!!

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 10:35 am

I gotta get me one them "sideways playing" MP3 players…

EatsBabyDingos October 5, 2012 at 10:32 am

Mitt only likes edible meat puppets. Eggs does not like edible meat puppets.

Oblios_Cap October 5, 2012 at 10:33 am

In fairness, education does have a tendency to erode blind faith in religous dogma and acceptance of the lies the ruling classes foist upon us. So it's really not all that surprising that the GOP would be against it since it shrinks the number of the fucktards that vote for their candidates.

Subvert the dominant paradigm!

Mumbletypeg October 5, 2012 at 10:36 am

LOVE the [new?] avatard, btw~

Oblios_Cap October 5, 2012 at 10:44 am

Stole it over at TBogg's site.

Texan_Bulldog October 5, 2012 at 10:34 am

It's because Bert & Ernie are gay. The Republicans don't even like fake gay people.

shelwood46 October 5, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Big Bird has always struck me as a little light in the loafers. And he has a "secret friend".

proudgrampa October 5, 2012 at 10:34 am

If loving Big Bird is wrong, I don't wanna be right!

eggsacklywright October 5, 2012 at 10:35 am

And the Count has already croaked. I wonder if he 86'd himself as a pre-emptive strike?

PuckStopsHere October 5, 2012 at 10:35 am

I think republicans just enjoy a good pledge drive. Sick bastards that they are…

ttommyunger October 5, 2012 at 10:36 am

Needz moar Flux & Fiends!

YasserArraFeck October 5, 2012 at 11:04 am

I'll take this Flux, thanks, and any of her Friends

badseeds October 5, 2012 at 10:37 am

I was expecting this Mr. Rogers.
http://i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/6/2/0/1

Esteev October 5, 2012 at 11:03 am

Nice! You beat me by two minutes… damn you and your quick typin fingas.

Goonemeritus October 5, 2012 at 10:37 am

It’s just math, expenditures need to be trimmed by 50% to balance the budget. 60% of the discretionary budget is defense related which can’t be touched. So the only way to balance the budget is to kill Big Bird. Why can’t liberals understand this?

Mittaplasia October 5, 2012 at 11:39 am

But…but…could they at least send some of the meat to the poors?

weejee October 5, 2012 at 10:37 am

Beware the curse of Downton Abbey Ghee Oh Pee, beware.

Esteev October 5, 2012 at 10:39 am
CrunchyKnee October 5, 2012 at 10:42 am

Wouldn't the invisible hand of the free market be able to counter PBS with their own network? Without the help of socialism? It would have to be on cable only, since the airwaves are another socialist entity.

As an aside, Nova has just become a recruiting tool for the armed forces any way. What more do these fucks want?

boobookitteh October 5, 2012 at 10:42 am

I will cut any bitch who disses Mr. Rogers. Seriously, I loved this guy when I was a kid.

ThankYouJeebus October 5, 2012 at 11:41 am

I learned how to tie my shoes by watching him.

DCBloom October 5, 2012 at 11:49 am

My mom wouldn't let me watch him. She said he talked down to kids. Years later she said it was really because she got pedophile vibes from him. Sad.

Bramlet Abercrombie October 5, 2012 at 5:12 pm

He was my first crush!

Weenus299 October 5, 2012 at 10:42 am

In all fairness, Sesame Street might could be updated with drone muppets who seek and destroy all dissenters.

Radiotherapy October 5, 2012 at 10:44 am

You know who else slaughtered poultry during their campaign?

Mumbletypeg October 5, 2012 at 10:47 am

Colbert & Stewart?

(ok. they just "manhandled" the poor pullet maybe)

mrpuma2u October 5, 2012 at 10:48 am

Calvin Coolidge?

boobookitteh October 5, 2012 at 10:49 am

Scalia? Kennedy? Sotomayor?

LibertyLover October 5, 2012 at 10:52 am

Alice Cooper?

Ozzie Ozbourne?

eggsacklywright October 5, 2012 at 10:56 am

Eric Idle?

actor212 October 5, 2012 at 10:56 am

WKRP in Cincinatti?

DCBloom October 5, 2012 at 11:50 am

LOVE that episode

Spurning Beer October 5, 2012 at 10:59 am

Colonel Sanders?

Radiotherapy October 5, 2012 at 11:40 am

Totally disregarding YKWE protocol, I will answer my own question:

No, you stupid rabbits, the answer is Palin.

jodyleek October 5, 2012 at 11:45 am

Damn! I thought it was Hitler.
Well, Palin is pretty close.

Negropolis October 6, 2012 at 2:30 am

Tyson (Company-not-Mike)?

mrpuma2u October 5, 2012 at 10:48 am

He just wants to kill Big Bird with votes….

CrunchyKnee October 5, 2012 at 10:50 am

Ghost Mr. Rogers, could kick ghost Breirbart's ass.

pinkocommi October 5, 2012 at 10:50 am

Romney wants to kill Big Bird. Well, at least he is consistent and also wants to stop subsidies for Exxon, etc. Oh wait.

BigSkullF*ckingDog October 5, 2012 at 10:51 am

I have been anti sesame street ever since they made cookie monster start eating vegetables.

LibertyLover October 5, 2012 at 10:53 am

You can have my PBS when you pry it from my cold dead hands.

1stNewtontheMoon October 5, 2012 at 10:56 am

Fuck with PBS and you fuck with my love of tote bags! (love in a totally hetero way, mind you.)

LibertyLover October 5, 2012 at 10:56 am

I like Sesame Street pretty well, but it's no H. R. Pufnstuf or Banana Splits.

proudgrampa October 5, 2012 at 11:21 am

The one I got tired of (after raising my granddaughter on it) was Barney and Friends.

But Banana Splits was cool!

LibertyLover October 5, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Can't remember their names… Fleegle…

Spurning Beer October 5, 2012 at 10:57 am

I believe Cornflake Especially and Bob Dog have dropped out of the workforce by now.

calliecallie October 5, 2012 at 10:58 am

What does Mitt have against Big Bird? Did he lay Egg or something?

SayItWithWookies October 5, 2012 at 10:58 am

Mitt's job is not to worry about muppets like Big Bird.

Negropolis October 6, 2012 at 2:31 am

Hey, you leave the Muppets and Ann Romney out of this…

Jus_Wonderin October 5, 2012 at 11:06 am

We have a great PBS/NPR affiliate down here. KERA!!!!! Channel 13 and FM 90.1.

Jennyjen798 October 6, 2012 at 1:26 pm

I loved KERA as a kid. Plus it was the only "kid" station airing in Whitney, TX (Great Granny's house). I think that town and my great granny would have been in some serious shit if there wasn't Sesame Street and Reading Rainbow to keep us occupied. That chicken house would have never seen it coming…

widestanceromance October 5, 2012 at 11:09 am

But, how long can PBS keep taking 50% of the federal budget, sheeples?

Mittaplasia October 5, 2012 at 11:14 am

If Big Bird were pink or purple, he would have been killed off long ago…the ghey cooties and all.

BonoboReview October 5, 2012 at 11:16 am

For those with little wonketters, there are about 6 seasons of Mr. Rogers available for free streaming if you have Amazon prime. I find that listening to his show while the little ones watch is like drinking about a 1/2 glass of wine for my PTSD after watching the rugrats for the day.

LibrarianX October 5, 2012 at 11:17 am

Don't mess with Big Bird – he will shit in your mouth while you sleep.

barto October 5, 2012 at 11:19 am

Today's insanity brought to you by the number .00014 (the percent of the federal budget consumed by PBS)

ElPinche October 5, 2012 at 11:30 am

I guess FoxNews hasn't been paying attention to Nick & Disney…the massive cornucopia of godless liberalism promoting urban culture (diversity). Watch Michelle Obama with New Direction and iCarly throwing carrots at our fat babies . Watch Barry guest start on Victorious and indoctrinate my children with pseudo science like "evilution" , climate change, brainwashing my naked little ricket-ridden kids to PLANT TREES! NOT IN AMERICA!

The_Peckerwood October 5, 2012 at 11:50 am

I find this an outrage…. aren't Republican supposed to be all balls out "pro military" and "support the troops"… and they do this to the station that Fred Rogers built? I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Mr. Rogers a sniper in NAM with more confirmed kills than Hamburger Hill, Platoon, and Full Metal Jacket combined?

MosesInvests October 5, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Nope-never served in the military at all. Nice urban legend, though.

Baconzgood October 5, 2012 at 12:00 pm

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! I'M MISSED A MR. ROGERS POST!!! As a Pittsburgher this makes me sad.

HistoriCat October 5, 2012 at 1:31 pm

What the hell Baconz? It's not like you're doing work or anything, amirite?

Baconzgood October 5, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I was napping at my desk.

HistoriCat October 5, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Well at least you have a GOOD excuse!

schvitzatura October 5, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Does Easy Reader have to cut a bitch?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkwCynNm18c

owhatever October 5, 2012 at 12:43 pm

The GOP now transfers its righteous wrath to make-believe frogs. Jesus wept.

Comrade Wingtardd October 5, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Well, the unspoken subtext was "I hate Frontline and will be glad to defund it"

And losing Frontline would be a national tragedy, besides the national tragedy that almost no one watches it.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr October 5, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Please everyone watch the Mr Rogers clip. Especially the last 2 minutes or so.

"What do you do with the mad that you feel?"

rickmaci October 5, 2012 at 2:57 pm

"Leave dah Bird, take dah cannoli." The Mittfather.

Grokenstein October 5, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Socialism? I guess they get that from the fact that everyone lets Oscar live in a garbage can, instead of setting him on fire.

Girl: "Yeah, Oscar, you're a grouch!"
Oscar: "Bitch, I live in a fuckin' trash can!! …Nobody's helpin' me."
Guy: "Get it together, grouch!"
– Dave Chappelle

…That, and teaching kids to count. Every real American knows that numbers are tools of Satan, and the only real meaning they have is what your local right-wing pol tells you Jesus says they have.

Negropolis October 6, 2012 at 2:32 am

They'll have to learn the hard way that Elmo'll cut a bitch.

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