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Ghost Mr. Rogers Will Help Save PBS From That Mean Old Mitt Romney

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Duh, everybody freaking out about Homeless Big Bird, axing PBS has been dogma on the Right for decades. Everybody in this glorious nation may be shocked at Miffed Romney’s mafia threat to Big Bird — looks like you got a real nice nest here, shame if anything happened to it — but Fox Business and their ilk have long believed all that sharing and multiculturalism is soshulizms. Murdering the Muppets is a feature, not a bug. On the flip side, get some morning sweetness with Fred Rogers testifying before Congress and making crusty old men’s hearts grow three sizes, and stuff.

Of course, you knew the Republicans have wanted this forever and ever, but the … er … low-information voters (we are trying to nicely say “idiots”) are dismayed and appalled to learn this basic bit of 21st Century Teatardedness. (Here’s a statement from PBS from last year, when the House voted to cut off all its funding. And here is their — near identical — statement from yesterday. They probably have the whole thing in macros.) Funding for public broadcasting polls better than any slice of federal funding besides your grandma. Too bad that was the one piece of specific policy Ol’ Miffed let fly in the greatest debate performance in this life or any other. Total bummer.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I think Big Bird ought to pull a "Soupy Sales" and tell all the boys and girls to sneak into their mommy's (and daddy's) purse and mail all the pretty green pieces of paper to Sesame Street.

    • Katydid

      oh my, I haven't thought of Soupy Sales in ages….Wikipedia says he grew up as Milton Supman in a NC town. "His was the only Jewish family in the town; Sales joked that local Ku Klux Klan members bought the sheets used for their robes from his father's store."

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        He lived a few blocks from me when I was growing up. He was the one celebrity I stalked as a kid. We loved him.

        • HempDogbane

          And his sons played with Iggy!

      • DCBloom

        I too am the only Jew in a small NC town. I have new love for ol' Soupy

      • MosesInvests

        The Klan in Hoke Co., NC, bought their sheets from my grandparents' store.

    • eggsacklywright

      Just remember, kids, if you and your mommy and daddy like Sesame Street, you're a bunch of commies and I'll toss you all in the gulag.

  • http://wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    Big Bird wept.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      "Mommy? Why does that mean ol' Mr Romney want to kill Big Bird? Does he hate Elmo, too?

      • Toomush_Infer

        Yes, even Oscar is going to have to move out of his luxury garbage can, sweetheart…

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    This show sponsored by the letters, O, B, A and M and by the number 47.

    • Katydid

      Or…this show sponsored by the liberal elite media industrial complex, and your liberal mommy and daddy are bad, bad, people.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        …who have sex with homeless people

        • UW8316154

          …and force abortions on women who aren't pregnant.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            …gay crack-baby abortions.

        • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

          Daddy's sexing Oscar the grouch?

          /runs away and cries/

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya
    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Elmo will cut a bitch

      Hm, maybe Bert and Ernie ought to finally get married.

    • Esteev

      What a monster.

  • freakishlywrong

    The fuck is up with wingers and PBS? Leave it, SS, Medicare, our uteri, and us the fuck alone. Go. Away. Assholes.

    • Esteev

      The chyron says it all: "Are liberals trying to brainwash your kids against capitalism?"

      At what age does "share" become a bad word?

      • LesBontemps

        At whatever age it is you become a Republican.

  • SorosBot

    It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      But is it a beautiful day in the hood?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212
    • Mittaplasia

      Yikes! Here comes Robme; there goes the neighborhood!

      • MissNancyPriss

        Haha, your avatar is awesome.

        • Mittaplasia

          Thank you! So many great Mittens ones, but most can't be readable on this tiny format, oops, did a Mitt penis joke just slip out?

    • LibertyLover

      I like you. Just the way you are…

    • shelwood46

      Every body's fancy, every body's fine.
      Your body's fancy, and so is mine.

  • Katydid

    "…liberal hollywood using class warfare to brainwash our kids"

    Don't these fucking people ever get tired of spouting the same old dreary talking points? JFC, at least accuse us of something new already. I'm so bored with this shit!

    • Oblios_Cap

      I'm told we all read Alinski, & Chomski, too. I did not know that.

      • Mittaplasia

        Need moar reads of the gubmint teat-sucking Ayn Rand? Fahgidaboudit, I'll stay unevolved.

      • kyeshinka

        Read Chomsky's "Syntactic Structures." You'll never look at language acquisition the same again!!

  • Pragmatist2

    But they will keep Downton Abbey. It's fun when the servants get fired.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Upstairs, Downstairs, however, will be outsourced by 50%. Upstairs stays. Downstairs, you're on your own

    • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I thought the CIA was responsible for introducing CIA to the little stoner kids.

  • Barbara_

    Big Bird will have to resort to selling Fraggle Rock to the little stoner kids.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Mitt Romney as King Gorg

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Ted Nugent and all the little Amboy Dukes?

  • freakishlywrong

    Republican Public Broadcasting would be nothing but Fux propaganda station broadcasting the Sock Puppets and Big Turd 'round the clock. (like they do now).

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Today, we are all puppets.

    • Esteev

      Get your hand outta my ass!

      • Katydid

        Ha!

  • TheGyrus

    I'm trying to figure out a more effective use of federal early childhood education dollars than Big Bird. Not coming up with one.

    • commiegirl99

      Well, I'm pretty pleased with Head Start.

      • TheGyrus

        So am I, but it costs orders of magnitude more, and is only available to the poors. Sesame Street is a program even my middle-class child can watch.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      Vaccinations.

  • Radiotherapy

    I guess Mitch was "completely wrong" on this one too.

  • OneDollarJuana

    I often think PBS, NPR, PRI, et al, should not be funded at all by government money so they will have any requirements to provide right-wing lies as valid viewpoints removed.

    • JerkCade

      Word. If you want to hear how the Republicans are framing an issue, turn on All Things Considered.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Hollywood using class war…

    Hell if there was a class war all those with any power in Hollywood will be with the bourgeoisie, especially since that's where they are now.

  • rambone

    Wait a minute. That's the way Mister Rogers always talked? It wasn't just a schtick for his show?

    Was he, um, you know, one of those developmentally challenged people we can't talk about? Or one of those gheys that we're supposed to always talk about?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      He was a Presbyterian. That explains everything you have to know.

      PS he majored in music at college. Too. Also.

    • YasserArraFeck

      I heard that Fred Rogers was a retired Special Forces badass – he could parachute in total darkness and lull you to death with a nice story. Wouldn't leave a mark on you.

    • Gorillionaire

      Fred was a decent guy. He didn't give anybody any shit and he didn't take any shit from anybody.

  • hagajim

    Ha Ha! Miff prolly through out the Big Bird comment just for funz….and now its gone and done backfired on him.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Poor lad. The one zinger he actually did manage to land and it went all "ACME Products" on him.

  • memzilla

    "Tastes Like Chicken!"
    — Mitt Rmoney

  • eggsacklywright

    I think Cookie Monster would like a word with Mittz, too.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Can someone explain to the teevee asshole above that the Muppets in the movie are owned by corporate Disney? There's only an anecdotal connection to Sesame Street these days.

  • ThankYouJeebus

    Mitt has officially lost the Furry vote.

    • Mittaplasia

      …in addition to the furry triangle vote he lost a long time ago!

      • SorosBot

        But I thought he had the votes of the olds, who are the only demographic that doesn't shave and still has the furry triangles…

        • Mittaplasia

          I can't see Mitt getting the landing strip vote, either. Why does everything we talk about seem to come back to Bush all the time? It must be a bot thing.

        • MosesInvests

          Austin (and Portland and Asheville, etc.) hippy chick libel!

      • YasserArraFeck

        Real Merkins'Mercians for Romney!!!!

    • sharethegrief

      He lost that when he strapped Seamus to the roof of the car.

  • Mojopo

    I like you when you make my face sloppy in the morning.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Today's stupidity brought to you by the letters G, O and P. As fucking always.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    You get actual programs on PBS? In San Francisco it's just people sitting at a bank of telephone while someone in front of them says "Send us money and we'll send you a tote bag" 24/7. They used to have Pledge Week. Now it's Pledge Year.

    • proudgrampa

      Programming? We don' got to show you no steenkin' programming!

  • Terry

    Mitt's contention during the debates that he'll go through the government and for each agency or program ask "is this worth borrowing from China to fund?" was curious. If he comes upon a business development program that's giving beaucoup bucks to his campaign contributors, will he find that worth of borrow? Educational television, of course not. Environmental stuff, never in a million years. Basically, he'd fund bloated Defense programs and whatever pork he's handlers wanted.

    • calliecallie

      I couldn't help but notice Barry Bamz give a little smile when Mitt said that China thing. Getting him on the record about that. I think Barry will use that line against him in some upcoming foreign affairs debate.

    • Katydid

      And the pork's only to upset the Muslins who are infiltrating the government.

  • StealthMuslin

    If you play the theme from "Sesame Street" sideways it's "The Internationale." WAKE UP!!!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I gotta get me one them "sideways playing" MP3 players…

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Mitt only likes edible meat puppets. Eggs does not like edible meat puppets.

  • Oblios_Cap

    In fairness, education does have a tendency to erode blind faith in religous dogma and acceptance of the lies the ruling classes foist upon us. So it's really not all that surprising that the GOP would be against it since it shrinks the number of the fucktards that vote for their candidates.

    Subvert the dominant paradigm!

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      LOVE the [new?] avatard, btw~

      • Oblios_Cap

        Stole it over at TBogg's site.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    It's because Bert & Ernie are gay. The Republicans don't even like fake gay people.

    • shelwood46

      Big Bird has always struck me as a little light in the loafers. And he has a "secret friend".

  • proudgrampa

    If loving Big Bird is wrong, I don't wanna be right!

  • eggsacklywright

    And the Count has already croaked. I wonder if he 86'd himself as a pre-emptive strike?

  • PuckStopsHere

    I think republicans just enjoy a good pledge drive. Sick bastards that they are…

  • ttommyunger

    Needz moar Flux & Fiends!

    • YasserArraFeck

      I'll take this Flux, thanks, and any of her Friends

  • badseeds

    I was expecting this Mr. Rogers.
    http://i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/6/2/0/1

    • Esteev

      Nice! You beat me by two minutes… damn you and your quick typin fingas.

  • Goonemeritus

    It’s just math, expenditures need to be trimmed by 50% to balance the budget. 60% of the discretionary budget is defense related which can’t be touched. So the only way to balance the budget is to kill Big Bird. Why can’t liberals understand this?

    • Mittaplasia

      But…but…could they at least send some of the meat to the poors?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Beware the curse of Downton Abbey Ghee Oh Pee, beware.

  • Esteev
  • CrunchyKnee

    Wouldn't the invisible hand of the free market be able to counter PBS with their own network? Without the help of socialism? It would have to be on cable only, since the airwaves are another socialist entity.

    As an aside, Nova has just become a recruiting tool for the armed forces any way. What more do these fucks want?

  • http://twitter.com/bookofruthless boobookitteh

    I will cut any bitch who disses Mr. Rogers. Seriously, I loved this guy when I was a kid.

    • ThankYouJeebus

      I learned how to tie my shoes by watching him.

    • DCBloom

      My mom wouldn't let me watch him. She said he talked down to kids. Years later she said it was really because she got pedophile vibes from him. Sad.

    • Bramlet Abercrombie

      He was my first crush!

  • Weenus299

    In all fairness, Sesame Street might could be updated with drone muppets who seek and destroy all dissenters.

  • Radiotherapy

    You know who else slaughtered poultry during their campaign?

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Colbert & Stewart?

      (ok. they just "manhandled" the poor pullet maybe)

    • mrpuma2u

      Calvin Coolidge?

    • http://twitter.com/bookofruthless boobookitteh

      Scalia? Kennedy? Sotomayor?

    • LibertyLover

      Alice Cooper?

      Ozzie Ozbourne?

    • eggsacklywright

      Eric Idle?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      WKRP in Cincinatti?

      • DCBloom

        LOVE that episode

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Colonel Sanders?

    • Radiotherapy

      Totally disregarding YKWE protocol, I will answer my own question:

      No, you stupid rabbits, the answer is Palin.

      • jodyleek

        Damn! I thought it was Hitler.
        Well, Palin is pretty close.

    • Negropolis

      Tyson (Company-not-Mike)?

  • mrpuma2u

    He just wants to kill Big Bird with votes….

  • CrunchyKnee

    Ghost Mr. Rogers, could kick ghost Breirbart's ass.

  • pinkocommi

    Romney wants to kill Big Bird. Well, at least he is consistent and also wants to stop subsidies for Exxon, etc. Oh wait.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I have been anti sesame street ever since they made cookie monster start eating vegetables.

  • LibertyLover

    You can have my PBS when you pry it from my cold dead hands.

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    Fuck with PBS and you fuck with my love of tote bags! (love in a totally hetero way, mind you.)

  • LibertyLover

    I like Sesame Street pretty well, but it's no H. R. Pufnstuf or Banana Splits.

    • proudgrampa

      The one I got tired of (after raising my granddaughter on it) was Barney and Friends.

      But Banana Splits was cool!

      • LibertyLover

        Can't remember their names… Fleegle…

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    I believe Cornflake Especially and Bob Dog have dropped out of the workforce by now.

  • calliecallie

    What does Mitt have against Big Bird? Did he lay Egg or something?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Mitt's job is not to worry about muppets like Big Bird.

    • Negropolis

      Hey, you leave the Muppets and Ann Romney out of this…

  • Jus_Wonderin

    We have a great PBS/NPR affiliate down here. KERA!!!!! Channel 13 and FM 90.1.

    • Jennyjen798

      I loved KERA as a kid. Plus it was the only "kid" station airing in Whitney, TX (Great Granny's house). I think that town and my great granny would have been in some serious shit if there wasn't Sesame Street and Reading Rainbow to keep us occupied. That chicken house would have never seen it coming…

  • widestanceromance

    But, how long can PBS keep taking 50% of the federal budget, sheeples?

  • Mittaplasia

    If Big Bird were pink or purple, he would have been killed off long ago…the ghey cooties and all.

  • BonoboReview

    For those with little wonketters, there are about 6 seasons of Mr. Rogers available for free streaming if you have Amazon prime. I find that listening to his show while the little ones watch is like drinking about a 1/2 glass of wine for my PTSD after watching the rugrats for the day.

  • LibrarianX

    Don't mess with Big Bird – he will shit in your mouth while you sleep.

  • barto

    Today's insanity brought to you by the number .00014 (the percent of the federal budget consumed by PBS)

  • ElPinche

    I guess FoxNews hasn't been paying attention to Nick & Disney…the massive cornucopia of godless liberalism promoting urban culture (diversity). Watch Michelle Obama with New Direction and iCarly throwing carrots at our fat babies . Watch Barry guest start on Victorious and indoctrinate my children with pseudo science like "evilution" , climate change, brainwashing my naked little ricket-ridden kids to PLANT TREES! NOT IN AMERICA!

  • The_Peckerwood

    I find this an outrage…. aren't Republican supposed to be all balls out "pro military" and "support the troops"… and they do this to the station that Fred Rogers built? I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Mr. Rogers a sniper in NAM with more confirmed kills than Hamburger Hill, Platoon, and Full Metal Jacket combined?

    • MosesInvests

      Nope-never served in the military at all. Nice urban legend, though.

  • Baconzgood

    FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! I'M MISSED A MR. ROGERS POST!!! As a Pittsburgher this makes me sad.

    • HistoriCat

      What the hell Baconz? It's not like you're doing work or anything, amirite?

      • Baconzgood

        I was napping at my desk.

        • HistoriCat

          Well at least you have a GOOD excuse!

  • schvitzatura

    Does Easy Reader have to cut a bitch?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkwCynNm18c

  • owhatever

    The GOP now transfers its righteous wrath to make-believe frogs. Jesus wept.

  • http://slackoftownnola.wordpress.com Comrade Wingtardd

    Well, the unspoken subtext was "I hate Frontline and will be glad to defund it"

    And losing Frontline would be a national tragedy, besides the national tragedy that almost no one watches it.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Please everyone watch the Mr Rogers clip. Especially the last 2 minutes or so.

    "What do you do with the mad that you feel?"

  • rickmaci

    "Leave dah Bird, take dah cannoli." The Mittfather.

  • Grokenstein

    Socialism? I guess they get that from the fact that everyone lets Oscar live in a garbage can, instead of setting him on fire.

    Girl: "Yeah, Oscar, you're a grouch!"
    Oscar: "Bitch, I live in a fuckin' trash can!! …Nobody's helpin' me."
    Guy: "Get it together, grouch!"
    — Dave Chappelle

    …That, and teaching kids to count. Every real American knows that numbers are tools of Satan, and the only real meaning they have is what your local right-wing pol tells you Jesus says they have.

  • Negropolis

    They'll have to learn the hard way that Elmo'll cut a bitch.