Insanely Low New Unemployment Numbers Mean Barack Obama Did 9/11

Good news! The new Bureau of Labor Statistics unemployment report came out , and more Americans are working, the unemployment rate dropped to 7.8%, and jobs numbers were revised upwards in July and August.

Of course, Barry Obama had a bad debate on Wednesday, so how could the economy mysteriously be recovering two days after Obama lost the entire election, friends? It's a CONSPIRACY. At least, that's what a bunch of Republicans are saying. Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you ... BLS Troofers, because of course they are.

Unbelievable jobs numbers..these Chicago guys will do anything..can't debate so change numbers

— Jack Welch (@jack_welch) October 5, 2012 

Yes. They went in and tinkered a decades-old system to get a possible bump out of a positive jobs report. This is eminently logical. Also, they changed the buttons on Jack Welch's clicker, because he simply cannot get the channel changed from this gonzo teen porn to the Hallmark Channel.

Hahahaha, we kid, Jack Welch is not a pervert, just an insane demagogue.

On Fox News, Stuart Varney agrees.

Stuart Varney on Fox, jobs numbers a straight up conspiracy: "Oh how convenient...five weeks before the election..."

— Jonathan Easley (@JonEasley) October 5, 2012 

Makes sense that Obama would keep unemployment above 8% for his entire term, then game the system a month before the election to place unemployment at the insanely low rate of only 7.8% (also known as the magic reelection number, people). Chicago-style politics at its finest.